I was at this meeting; a new group. I listened to the women speak and then at the end of the meeting, began to talk individually with various women in the group.
I realize that I had, in the course of the group presentation, unconsciously picked which women I thought I should connect with initially. When the meeting ended and individual introductions began, those who I had thought I would like to speak to were not the ones who came up to me to talk with me.
When I did move to talk with the ones I wanted to talk to, I found that we had a greater distance to cover in reaching an understanding. The ones who came up to me, I had more of an ease with in coming to an understanding.
So, I looked at this and realized that I had been moved by my class values, by my story of and as belief, which means my “ values,” my judgements, my past based on what I defined and accepted as values to define me in an action of self interest without regard for all of reality.
This was a subtle thing that I might not have noticed but that no matter with whom I talked, I realized was myself as an action actually living in and as talking with another person and within this respecting and being grateful for this. This means accepting what is here, not rushing in some idea and resisting what was here in front of me.
I had spoken up during the general meeting, so those that heard some of what I had been saying are the ones who came to me. And here, I was surprised because I was off in my own ideological mind expecting something else, even though I could pull back and accept what came. It really is like moving in a train, where the train is one’s self as mind, composed of ideas, and beliefs and opinions based on my direct experiential past and my cultural past more than awareness and acceptance of simply remaining here in practical common sense of reality, taking that which is good and does no harm, respecting the very formation of life around me.
It really is that we are rushing around in some “ haloed” ground as mind, that is of unequal measure to the practical world in which we live. It really is that we sit in a room during our childhood, looking at pictures of trees while the real tree is outside the window, breathing, moving, flowing, living. What is real, is right here in front of us, and instead we learn and accept the study of pictures about something. The perfect way to divide and conquer the imaginative capacity of our minds, that are really an abstract of what is concrete as the physical world around us. Humans have become a physical being with a halo of pictures that spin so fast - like a moving train- that reality is no longer their focus, instead an alternate reality that is very much like a television-like entity of lesser dimension yet heavy and consuming of the physical body, has come to define us. So lost in this unequal measure to that which enables us life formation, that we have lost all stability which we see in our communications and as such, our community. Our communities are so divided that we all remain neighbors who have little or no interaction. We no longer see the trees outside that are supporting us in simply being here. Our eyes acclimate to our inner pictures, over time, to such an extent, that we no longer are able to spatially see the rise of a step, and we end up tripping and falling, which we call aging, but in reality is the extent of our separation from life, which means we have never really lived equal and one with and as the formation of life, which is the physical. Within this, we can blame no one, because each of us accepted and allowed that alternate reality of limited dimension.
Thus, I must forgive my own accepted and allowed judgements of value, creating my time that is not equal to the space of here, as physical reality that enables me to exist.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use limited values and to compare using these values, in and as my mind, in separation from what is physically here as life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to reject that which does not fit an ideological construct as my mind based on my past, in self interest, where I have allowed myself to exist like a train running on a track as ideas, beliefs and opinions, built of words, creating pictures, and emotional feeling bodies that are in separation from myself as life as a physical state of being.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to lose my natural ability to sense space and the forms that are the physical that are life in form, here, and to abdicate my self responsibility in and as this, as this common sense ability is myself as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge another as less than myself.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge another as superior to me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe I am inferior to life,
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become an accumulation of values where I then believe that I am superior to another.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not remain here, equal and one with and as what I am as life as the means of common sense, which is the physical.
When and as I find myself comparing myself to others, in and as a belief that one way will lead to what I believe is a way forward, thereby eliminating others, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see , realize and understand what is here, as the physical / life, and I take that which is good and does no harm, to see, realize and understand the potential each is as life here.
When and as I find myself reacting to others, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see where I judged something as less than what I believed I wanted that was in itself based on a belief that did not consider all things, respect all things as me in another life, and I slow way down, and become present here, taking in the perspective of another, and grounding this into practical measure of physical reality, as I would like for myself, without judgement, as this is the way to remain constant within the principle of what is best for all, today, yesterday, and tomorrow.