Coming out from under the lack of responsibility to what is here.
I have these memories that appear so vague.
I would not say they are a back chat of words, they are in themselves a form that has no word.
A recent one is a movement of myself feeling like there is this pressure coming down on me and it is like I want to get out from under it, yet no matter how hard I try, it remains.
It is relentless and I dread the coming of it. I want to hide from it.
I do not know how to get out from under it.
It is like climbing up a long stairwell. Yet, I resist accepting it.
I fight as resistance to it.
I get really really quiet to avoid it, to have some resemblance of myself within the coming of it- so to speak. All I have is a memory of a movement.
All I have is a sense of ‘ getting out from under “ and this thing to get out from under of being a ‘stairwell to climb into’.
I was with a child the other day. They had a lot of coping behaviors. They sat down to focus and then very quickly became overwhelmed. I decided to model for them. While I modeled, they became suddenly very silent, very very still. A deep quiet. A deep stillness. They watched me for a moment. There were no reactions from them, no personal behaviors that existed in the previous moment. Just a sudden sitting up straight and with a great stillness, watching what I was doing.
In these moments it is like there is someone real there. I am suddenly aware that there is a person there, a sentient being, an awareness that defies the ideas I have in relation to superficial protections and defenses whose gossip I might accept if I did not pay attention and look.
We say that many of our children can remember who the latest movie star married yet they have no understanding of history. As the ends reveal the means, this shows that our children are by design very absorbent. They can take in information, especially if it is something within their environment. They can remember what appears real, what they can relate to. Since we impulse a good in telling every little girl that she is a princess, she then relates that to reproductive relationships, and defines herself as that. Of course, this relationship in reality is going to be a ‘ guiding measure’ and the stories around them of this, about this, as this is what is ubiquitous in the media, is going to be how the tree grows! That information is the proverbial ‘ fertile ground’ and it is real, it is here.
The history of the past is no longer here, thus it is a story that has no real relationship to connect with what is actually alive and moving here.
Should the history we are taught have a real relationship to what is real here? Would this give an understanding of how here, where we are living, works? I mean, does not the bible say that the sins of the fathers remains for seven generations? The ends reveal the means, thus, when we take a statement such as seven generations of information is passed on, and we polarize that concept into a bad, we create an entity about this, and get caught up in the consequence in a fear of it, when it reveals something in a mathematical way right in front of us. It means that we are like seeds and retain a resonance , that is a measure, a movement of information that is passed on. Perhaps it is what has yet to be cleared up as information that has not sorted itself out in aligning itself into a relationship that moves in tune with that which our children can remember. They remember it because it is relatable to what is within this actual living world.
We can call our children stupid if they do not know who was president 100 years ago, yet obviously they can retain vast amounts of information. It is not the ability to retain information that is the problem, it is the information they are asked to remember - to memorize. The information has no practical correlation to this actual world around them.
This also begs the question as to what information we are placing in front of/on-top-of them. It is as though we are asking them to live in two different worlds, one of ideas and one they see right in front of them, that is different from the one they are asked to accept. And we wonder why they are presently losing any development in fine motor skill development. It is because there is the absence of this development. The child can absorb , it is what they are absorbing. How in any way can we blame the child when the child is doing what is natural to them? They absorb what is placed before them. And they sense when that information is not a real relationship to the actual physical world around them. Then, they naturally become behaviors of resistance!
Thus, somehow, my memory that has no name, to ‘ get out from under’ and ‘ climb the staircase’ fit into this scenario. It is a memory of resisting something that made no sense, and yet there was no way out, or so I believed. And as there are no words but a parabola, in my descriptions I did not have the means to express what was happening to me YET.
The means of this, is the means to sort this all out. I can stand and see the sea of information-stairway and remain firmly rooted on the ground, with what is alive and here, and clean up, or align seven generations of a separation from real living into what is best for all, which is what is best for what is here, as the physical.
What does this mean? This means, turning and facing the storm of and as this sea of information, to begin the process of ordering that back into defining itself into a relationship with the physical, with life, with what is living and here. The same means of resistance is the means of defining things into what is living, to what is in sync with what is real, which is the physical. I can become quiet and listen, and assess and investigate, I can as that inherent nature as what I am, stand in awareness as a starting point of stillness, absorb a form and relate it to what is alive and here, right in front of me, to remove seven generations of miss-takes on reality where there is no time for blame, and become the actual doing that is the magic of creation in expression as the physical. I can ‘ get under’ the measure, the form, the mendacious gossip, and remove this so-called stairway to heaven, a sea of generated information and redefine it into what is practical living, because this is where I am, and this is what is real, right here in front of me. All the king’s men and all the king’s horses cannot do this, and anyway, I am the means as the gift of life as who and what I am.