I am interested in learning about chemistry and organic chemistry and biology. I realize over time, within doing a little over day, that I can accumulate an understanding of the parts and whole of these systems, how they interact, as their inter-relationships and what that means in terms of the plants and the animals around me, and my own physical body.
I have to build and focus on this, always relating this to this actual and real physical world. It must have a living context.
In doing this, I had to go and look at exponents. I have had some exposure to exponents but not a whole lot of exposure.
During the process I wanted to use laws or rules - guides as knowledge and information, from my past, about how one multiplies negative numbers etc. What I realized as I did a lesson in exponents, is that the former cannot be applied to the later. Or, my understanding was so in one context only, I did not have the spatial understanding of negatives being a kind of division. The point here was that I found I had to move counter to my beliefs, I had to move in a counter-intuitive way, as the information that is and was me as my past.
Within the school learning model, as the direct instruction model, one is introduced to new information, and then practices that new information, in integrative activities, and then one practices this on one’s own, reviews it etc. Inherent in this process is one bringing one’s focus onto the form, and ‘ relating’ to it again and again. Thus, one builds an awareness of it, one is developing a relationship.
This then is filed in the body, and eventually can become automated. What happens in this context over time is a forgetfulness of the information that one accepts to direct one’s self.
In the context of moving counter-intuitively within myself, I had to slow down a train of past information and apply a new perspective within my presence here. And, I had to practice this change. And, I will have to practice this again, over a period of time, being aware of my past habit, recognizing it and moving into the new.
If I have resistance, then I have to look at why I have that resistance. In this world, it could be that I have another task I must do that I keep in the back of my head. I am not being the director of myself in totality, in presence within what I am doing. And yet, just as that past information is not going anywhere, because I am having to move counter to it, I realize on some level, that I need not hold onto something, because it is essentially not going to go away! lol, this is where writing a list of what must be done in a day is helpful, because I need not think about something, I can just move through the list.
Overall, what does this experience reveal? It reveals that we move as the information we accept and allow. It means that we can have an idea about something and that this idea, over time, can become this ambiguous information automated within us that we realize as information when we have to learn something new that is counter to this information, which is what being counter-intuitive means.
This reminds me of having worked with others. Suddenly, the other person comes and says something like, “ I have a feeling that this is ... this or that” And I ask some questions and meet with a repetition of an ambiguous statement as “ well, I have a feeling about this.” There is no other answer but this “ I have a feeling.”
Since I realize in learning something, that I take in new information, that with practice becomes how I direct myself, and that information automating, to the point where I do not see that information unless i have to apply it in a situation where my information must change, I have forgotten what it is that I use to direct myself. I would not have realized my set way of working with negative numbers unless i had moved into looking at exponents. Here, I experienced what it means to move counter to my own set body of information. I would not have realized a sense of resistance as wanting to move in the learned way, and redirecting that in a new way. I have to ask myself how much do I do this in reality? How much to I move as a ‘ feeling’ without defining the information that is that ‘ feeling’ clearly, and respond with being present here, processing what is here, and changing what information that is me that I have accepted and allowed? This would mean overall, that when one has a ‘ feeling’ one is moving as what one believes, and if not clearly defined, is really not understanding that one is in a situation that is counter to one’s ideas, beliefs and opinions. One is, abdicating one’s presence and being ambiguous in relation to one’s intuition ( body of experience/inFORMation) and hence, resisting change. That intuitive info is bumping up against the practical world and believing itself to be greater than the practical.
It gets to the point where this starts to become so obvious one could cause a lot of friction in calling this out. Yet, what else is there, it must be called out. This also demands a focus and a fearlessness in calling out these moralities because this is what they in essence are.
This brings me to another experience I have had. I have interacted with school committees. At one time I went and read ‘ the book’ in my state as to the rules and regulations for school committees. I started at the beginning of this 2 inch thick book. After the initial pages, where goals and principles were stated, I started to notice what I was reading was all these details, or, micro management about procedures. When I noticed that what I was reading was a micro-management system of the huge amount of paper work, I turned the subsequent pages and realized that I was reading directions as to how to file this line of paper work information etc, etc, etc. Within this, I had to move counter intuitive to following information. I had to realize that the beginning of this ‘ book’ were the principles and guidelines of purpose, and the rest, which was most of this book, was simply about making sure the paper work was filed correctly. I was afraid to stand up and reveal this. I believed that conceptually this would be counter to the running mechanism of the committee! Wow.
I return to this past moment, because yesterday I read some legal documents, and realized I was looking at the same thing I noticed within looking at the school committee documents/book.
These legal documents were so immersed in referencing past statutes, with all these numbers and letters and symbols being used to organize other documents, and the information was such of a micro management system, that I started to become confused and anxious within reading this. There may be an inherent logic within this system, yet to realize that inherent logic would take years. It is such a system of causing busy-ness in referencing all the associations one would not immediately see that what one looked at was not a law, but a series of being told how to move in every detail- to such an extent that self discovery would not exist. And yet, we understand in the education system, that self discovery is how we learn! Thus, it is as though the very system of what is not really law, but statutes as to manage every movement, is by design counter intuitive to how we learn, which is self discovery. And, that what exists as this is not a directive as lending understanding, but a purposeful distraction filled with associations by construction, to not allow one to discover that this present system micro manages as a means of separating one from one’s common sense ability! I also have to ask myself how often I have not used my common sense and differentiated between principle and dictated direction? That ability to learn follows, yet without seeing the patterns, one loses a sense of principle, as what guides one. This means one loses a sense of the whole, the space of here, as one is tied to details that manage how one moves in a reality that reveals itself when one has the opportunity to interact with it. Yet is we are so focused on words on a page that are buried in association- a distraction in itself ( I will not go the next layer into subject redefinitions in the use of words!) - that it would be easy to forget reality, it would be easy to separate from what that micro management system was managing in the first place! Incredible. A crime, and a purposeful abuse of power.
That is so fucking messed up! Yet, this is a mirror reflection of what our intuitions are, as our set body of information that we at times use in an ambiguous way when we respond to things as “ I have a feeling”! Each of us, inherent in the use of the statement “ I have a feeling’ ONLY, are basically using/following an associative web of information as what we have accepted as a practice to self direct, or, a self micro-management system, that we no longer can process or communicate because it is so layered with cross references in relation to that web of information- it is no wonder we come up with ambiguous statements such as “ I have a feeling’ ONLY to justify the choices we make! In this, we are a busy work of information that has no real relationship to practical reality, and we resist and spite and react and fight for that inner intuition that resists a real relationship to this physical reality around us. Why do we follow without question? Do we wonder why we lose our spatial sense of reality as we spend years on and in this physical form called earth? Our set body of information is not equal to reality. This is practical, it is simple, it is OBVIOUS. It can be called out by name. The only thing stopping one from calling this out is one’s own set body of information, or one’s intuition, believed to be greater than here,greater than this actual physical world around us, that ground under one’s feet. Our centralized, government control system of micro managing every move we make is a reflection of each of us being this within ourselves, and it is managing us, in the mirror image of us, because this whole state of being is not being responsible as living a real, direct relationship to what we are as a state of physical beingness! And, to do so, it must set ever more rigid systems of one-size-fits-all because this makes managing the separation from reality as each human, easier to manage! It is a total rejection of self as life,a total rejection of self responsibility. It is counter intuitive to reality, to life, and it causes endless suffering to this life on earth. It is self programming the flesh in self interest, without consideration for all things, which is what one must be and do, to equalize to creating an ‘ intuition’ that works so clearly, one never has to say “ I have a feeling” without being able to define that feeling.
The irony in this is that the children tend to understand this very quickly. It is the adults, who resist and become full of friction because the deconstruction process is heavy and slow because they have allowed so much information without cross reference to reality to be what informs them. The separation is thick and like a hamster running on a wheel, no longer able to immediately ground themselves as ‘ jumping off “ that two-inch-book of information as their intuition. Yes, it is like the children, before this happens to them, circumnavigate the zombies, as the adults of mis-information that is not all bad, because in essence they do not yet have the words to define and describe this. In other words, they are not being heard- and many are already on the journey of this separation. IN this age of information, this, I assume, will only exacerbate. Do we notice that our children are having a loss of mastering the most simple of things? Are we as parents wanting a system to solve this problem- which means we are the consequence to this same scenario? Who, may I ask, can fix this? Especially if the adults are the products of this? lol, no one can, and the cost of hiring another person to do this, in an effective way, would be very very pricey. Therefor, only you can, only the parent themselves. Only the self can sort this out. It is impossible for someone else to do this. Yet, the first step is admitting to this.
Even I, in every moment, have to slow down and breath, check my own ‘ intuition’ and realize it is not this reality, it is the marker of my own accepted and allowed information learned without understanding how this all works.