Day 863 Working on perfecting connection and how the past reflects the difference.

I realize that I am living in the past, and that this living in the past has shame and guilt and a sense of a loss of myself as life.

I realize this within reviewing the raising of my children, while they are no longer in the home and off in the world doing their own things, for which I am grateful as they appear to be holding their own.

This period of sudden review, within the recognition of my past focus on the children being something that basically consumed my attention, is reverberating within me.

There is a sense of loss, and yet, I realize that all sense of loss is a sense of loss of self. Somehow, within this “ review” that is the real underlying issue. I talked with another mother recently and she acknowledge that when there is any degree of friction between herself and her now adult child, it hits deep. Behind that is guilt and shame. I mean why feel these things, or have these thoughts and movements coming up if things were in an order that brought one joy instead of guilt and shame in relation to past roles played and experienced?

Despite understanding that my emotions and feelings are of energy and thus of polarized belief systems as a system of default to survive, the movements within hold pictures and somewhat unclear amorphous memories about the past, as those movements lived that perhaps were in a dream instead of being present and equal to who and what I am in this life on this physical planet. 

One of the things I remember, are a couple of years of stress in relation to raising my children. The worry about forming them to the extent they became adults that could self direct and remain happy within that ability. 

One memory is of the joy inherent in my first child. A joy that I am not sure remains but in tiny moments within this child’s life. I know this remains within them, yet I am also aware that this was placed on the side in order to ensure, based on beliefs, that this child would survive in this present spider-web system superimposed on this earth as a system of value judgements instead of focusing on the real value that is this life that is all the things of this earth, as creation manifest.

The present systems are simply a manifestation of what humans have accepted and allowed. A system that ignores the practical living physical reality that is a fabric of flesh and tissues that can respond with abundance were this considered to be of value in totality. And yet, ideas, that are of limitation, are valued more than all things. This becomes more evident in how the education system is one that uses imagination instead of real living connection with the very fabric of the reality that is here all around us. I mean, we use resources to fabricate florescent lights in a box, to then force feed a narrative via memory into our children. Is it not blatantly obvious that we are shutting down the senses and overusing imagination? We then walk through our lives living in a resonant bubble, separate from who and what we are. It is a simple mis-take, one that indoctrinates humans to serve a slave master, evident in the gross inequality existent on earth today.  We have a large spider in the room, as an analogy here, that has clocked life in a thin web and we believe that web is reality. It is a thing of consumption that has no regard for life. And why? Because a mirage did not want to die, or accept what is reality. 

My experiences of late, help me to realize that connection with others requires physical proximity. Somehow in such a measure, one is more able to listen to the other person, and take the time to find common ground to them and open up and bring forward one’s unique expression, which if developed would help each one to self realize who and what they are. Thus, it makes sense that a system of separation and as such a default of life, would move to ensure that humans have as little contact with one another as possible. It is a system of suppression of the innate senses of the human, the senses reading what is here a the physical and building better intentions that then direct the human to make choices that are of greater benefit to that person’s life. Or, one could say, the more humans connect in ways that lack stress, the more what I call the spider - web is exposed. 

In a recent meeting, I could listen to another person talk and at the same time look more at the tensions in their physical body, especially around the mouth. I even talked about this. I was more able to look that in the face, and see that in myself and not be as moved by it as I was before. In a way, it is being afraid of a ghost in the machine, a past, an event that is no longer what is here in the moment. I could see the same constrictions within myself, and the relationship of this to my children. 

It is a deep sorrow, which is a sadness which in itself exposes a default system, followed instead of resolved. I would say it was not one way, as I realize the mind has this tendency to turn things into absolutes, thus I can go down the rabbit hole of this and realize it is not ONLY what was lived. And, that it need not define who and what I am in this moment here. I can hold the regret and be here, and make choices here in this moment, that are not the same movement as that which built that inner sinking and constrictive movement within me. 

I feels like trying to change a direction while there is still that heavy movement within myself. Most likely, there is some memory I continue to avoid. And/or, it is something that is working itself out over time, as this is the way of recognition ability and realizing actions that would cause no lingering weight. It sometimes appears as this striated thing going on within me. Some things are more clear and yet, there remain webs of unclarified past events. 

To some extent I feel that this is mirrored in the present events happening on earth. It appears that agents of change are moving while the past remains performing its contracts, refusing to realize that something different is in effect possible. 

It is fascinating, because my body mirrors this in other ways too. My one foot is inflamed and red, it is a layer of skin more than the bone or some inner tissue. Like I am walking in the spider webs but have some clarity in other movements. 

I also looked at and walked through a memory from middle school. And yet that memory kept coming back. Yesterday, I realized it was a moment within then memory that brought the memory back again. In that memory I was walking down a hall way, wearing my first pair of then popular platform shoes. I suddenly realized that no one really noticed, and that my choice was driven by some idea in my head and as such was a false promise. Then I had to look at the behaviors as a reaction to the other extreme to never do that again. But that was not the point, the point was that in that moment I was more in a state where I looked at the whole and the moving parts. I realized no one was really noticing, which from one perspective was cool, because shame also came up in that moment, but also that overall, this was sad. It was sad because everyone else was walking around in the same performance like state that was I ! No one was really paying attention to anyone else! 

To come full circle here, this is really about an issue that I have been working on, which is within the word, connection. How does one fully connect with others? I suppose I answered my own question earlier in this post. One slows way down and communicates until a state of calm comes forward, and a sense of what is unique in the other is realized, somewhat like having a clear definition of a word, where that word stabilizes rather than triggers confusion, protection and reaction. 

A child would be able to do this more readily, and that existed before the personalities of sorrow or sadness came to define me in a moment of review. From this point forward, that would mean the focus of myself would be to make those kinds of connections and, as happens, in the next moments when saying farewell and the personalities bounce back, to not react in any way, because one connection was made and that can have an enduring effect overall. Thus, this is a 1+1 movement that will grow, as in the law of compounding effects, this will become what defines life here on earth. And thus, I walk and practice making connections until the focus of our innate expressions of and as life become in sync with life here.

Day 862 Finding my own words. What does it mean to be of sound mind?

Everything is a math, a geometry, a form. Everything has a function according to its form. When a wild animal paces in a zoo, it is because its very form is not given license to express itself. 

The same could be said of children acting up in a classroom. The space, the venue, the isolated artificial light filled with second hand information mis-uses the form and function of the fundamental sentience of the human child. Thus reactions happen. The use of the language missing the living words that lend a more ordered expression of the form that is the human child. And, the body of the human being of water, and salt, the past is imprinted, information as experience is imprinted, and “ follows” with the child. Thus, there is an absence in an isolated box  called public schools as they are “ ordered”  today of real information, and an absence of the living forms that is what the child is a part of as this physical reality, and a resonant image of all that came before that moment from a system lacking recognition of how this all works.  This is basically the creation around us. We are ignoring how this that is in plain sight actually works. Even those playing god cannot win at the end of the day. How this creation actually works must be worked with. Plain and simple. It makes the media and conspiracy theories one and the same, because unless there is a direct relationship between the physical things of this physical living reality, time loops of information become distraction and what is real is ignored leading to an overall death. 

This also reveals the incredible and amazing sensitivity of the nature of life itself. It also allows one to realize that all the shadows within one can be let go, because they are of a past, at the moment, that is a chaos because of a lack of looking here, directly at this living earth.

This frees one from past “ trauma.” It means one can breath through what is coming up within, and then, once one is able to breath through a time-line of resonant information, one can then step in and look at the projected resonant memory. One becomes a discerner of what is coming up from within. And one can breath and at the same time, look here, remain in this living moment here. One must recognize the difference and then face the “ dragon.” lol, face what is “ drag-(ed)-on by one’s acceptance and allowance. It is to realize that nothing can define who and what one is as a form and function of and as a sentient state of being. At the end of the day, the shadows have no real power. Reminds me of seeing a demon one time, who was a man, a gentle man before I myself projected an idea ( with no spoken word) that triggered this “ dead” beings projections. They looked like these kinda whispy things jutting out in front of the increasingly angry used-to-be-a-man ( as opposed to a woman).  It was too late at that point, I already realized that sudden storm was a gentle man’s innocence behind the storm and that this “ thing” could NOT touch me. It was an absolute. 

Then why can I still be triggered, as someone did in a few months ago. I watched this storm coming up from within me and before it “ erupted” I went into breath. The essence of this within me was a fear. At the moment, I wanted to go into full combat mode, but know enough to understand that moving in that reactive and accusative way was not an option. I was too busy in that moment processing what was erupting within me to see beyond the point and realize a solution. I also realized that the triggering storm near me, was already in full swing. It had to “ come back down to earth.” Meaning, it had to become calm or it would only be fed, which was the opposite of solving the problem.

I ask myself why I went into “ shield” mode myself? There is  a " knowing"  real way to process the time-line of projected ideologies covering up a separation from innocence, that gentleness that was more “ pure.” It is visible, thus the secondary projections are a mirage, in a way. A mirage can be seen though one must change the lens of one’s focus. Yet, as it is, we humans have shut down our natural sentience, and have mastered seeing the projections. It is a zombie apocalypse, meaning we are all walking around in resonant bubbles composed of time-lines of information. We have become masters of shadow workings. No wonder the animals hide from us. Do we look like a walking “ bright light” that leaves a dirty sooty smudge in our wake? Probably. If I were an animal in the wild I would probably run and hide too. 

The idea of opening up one’s heart to stand equal and one to the projection and at the same time maintain a grounding in seeing the innocence is most probably what an open heart can do. This is the foundation of and as the statement “ forgive them for they know not what they do.” I wonder if Christ, who was a man, could actually see this. And are there others, somewhere, who are also able to see this? Is this what the fantasy of and as the “ force” is able to be and do? Is it simply a matter of FOCUS? I would say, one would have to give everything up in order to realize this. 

This point, of and as “ nothing can define me but what I allow,” was prominent in my early forties. It kept coming up in moments. I suppose I started to realize on some yet unconscious level, that things being per-formed in front of me did not have to be taken seriously. Meaning, in some ways, they need not define me, and because of that I could respond in a way that did not take such presumptions seriously. There was a noted resistance in relation to addressing what is a state of separation from reality. 

Yet, I had probably used manipulation because I was answering to the projection. All those years in school were simply a regurgitation of information - information that was not enough to really expose how all of this works. As has been said, by thirty, the energy generated by the shadow zombie separation-from-self human had already fed their life energy into the present system. I was already all used up. Life has a way of self realizing, we do in time, or standing in this space, begin to discern the patterns. Hence all the suppressive drugs being souled/sold?  Is there really any real health today? 

So many epidemiological studies recognizing patterns and yet a lack of follow through to discovered correlations. And a bureaucracy that stagnates to create a fire-wall of not-allowing-the-information into the “ records” under the guise of a “ lack-of-funds.” The perfect multi-leveled gated marketing system game plan to hold back the discernment of a natural sentience. Meanwhile, that same system demonizes multi-level marketing. We can, at the end of the day, only speak of our experience. We mirror what we allow. That projected anger, as it will always be anger because that is the consequence of a loss of self, it is so busy per-forming a projected picture show that that is all it can speak of! The words are not living words, they are polarized value judgements that are a video game, with time-lines as strings of information, all of which will not remain at death. It simply has no real longevity. It is an inner tornado, an inner constructed FOCUS - the children absorb from the parents, mirroring their environment- that defining of terms that one can get lost within, or an absence of seeing where else to go.  It has no real eternal quality. It is like a whisper in the wind, and nothing else. 

Day 861 Scattered information and times lines of belief are visible.

It has dawned on me that when someone makes a statement that one must use stories to share information, or as information,  to expand awareness of reality that the very need for stories means one moves, or is directed more by images, icons, symbols. Like we are a computer, or an organic robot. Meaning, we are allowing a whole “ tradition “ ( past ) as a cultured layered system of past rituals or self beliefs around what we should be or look like or do or think determine our self definitions. 

Meanwhile, with both of my parents, I notice that at the very end of their lives, they begin to speak of nature more. They suddenly want to be around nature more. My father, for example, in the summer before he died, he planted a vegetable garden without being told to do so. He did it with intent. He also requested to go out and be in the yard days before he died. This contrast of suddenly wanting to be in nature as though it was the most important thing is telling of what is real. 

What is happening within us, is all around us. We are distracted from nature in the way we work, in the way we educate our children, in what we watch, or what is promulgated as a “ more” on the television. The one thing all these so-called government and corporate systems are doing is controlling the resources as the physical living natural world. That same system supports its interest as playing god as it is by design the means of separating the human from itself - which is accepted and allowed by those who participate within this. Even the animals we eat, they are removed from nature. 

In place of this, is a story line, of many varying symbols, that informs our flesh, being that which removes our focus from what is real, as that which the systems we allow are attempting to own. It is a reflection of what is resonant within us. The division causing a society scattered into polarized beliefs citing narratives as a set body of information that are end games, or absolutes. We are so engrossed in such that we no longer have any presence left for nature. That which is most real, and allowed to be fought for, is that which we are allowing ourselves to be most separated from! It is in plain sight! We are multi dimensional beings, we do not need to move to some other dimension, we simply need to restore our presence to focus on this physical living reality. Within that we restore our innocence which means we realize ( real eyes instead of reeling eyes! - and studies on reading development had looked at eye movement as all is visible! ) all things, taking the good and ensuring no harm. In such a world everyone could live like a millionaire! 

I notice in working with people, that there are moments where what I call a shock happens. It is a form of an uncovering. A moment where something elemental comes forward. That word “ elemental” or specifically “ element” is coming up lately for me. It is hovering around me at the moment. That and a realization of how scattered things are, as so many stories about the past come forward. And these stories have subtle parallels. I can get caught in following these parallels, and yet, somehow, that is necessary. Yet a presence must be realized in what is constant and real, as the physical. It reminds me of playing an instrument. The stories, from many dimensions, being in the space, as political games, and personal insecurities, and conductors being drunk, and the bass player being off. That and my own personal issues that can in a moment interrupt focus. The actual thing, the doing of that thing in the moment, is at the end of the day the most real. Focusing on that, brought forward a constant. Even within realizing my own automation. It was important therefore, to go through the basics every day, those basic scales and arpeggios, checking the balance, that was what supported myself in entering the arena of performance. If something in the space was off, that fundamental focussed practice held myself through any form of what was a loss of focus. 

Within this, it would make sense that it is possible to stand equal to a projected story line of symbols and sort it out, ground it back into seeing what was real. Like removing something that causes a loss of focus, or something that would create a veil that distracts a being from standing equal to what is real, and what is constant and what is a living thing. Thus, why fear something like this, when the state of being such in itself would be a state of fear? It cannot define one in any way unless one is unstable one’s self. Is this a state of being unstable because of being a walking resonance of layered storied information that had lost all connection and focus on the natural world? That one thing our present systems are not only distracting the masses from but also building a paper castle of treaties and bonds and financial systems and governments that can ONLY SAY they own something based on a piece of paper having a bunch of symbols that can only suggest that they own this or that! It is all an illusion at the end of the day! And, it shows that poverty and starvation and habitat disruption should not exist in any form. Child abuse and disease should not exist, it is actually unnatural. The narratives hiding behind statements like “ no significant difference”, or double speak as in the vaccine scenario where it is stated that vaccines are effective and yet at the same time stating there is always risk/harm. It makes no sense, and yet, many believe this to be true - which is a following of a storied set body of information the outcome of the very design of public schooling. Why wait until we are on our death beds to realize the one thing that is the most real? 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that how I learn is by placing my focus and my attention onto what is a form and function of the practical physical living reality all around me, and that this is the real constant, something that is more real than the images and traditions and rituals that are the cultures based on the past around me, and the imagery that is pushed through a tube that is the math of a system organized by a few to own that which cannot ever really be owned but by a lie-by-omission and a piece of paper manufactured from a tree, covered in symbols that are not in alignment with the real living forms that build a tree that lives its life in synergy with the physical earth as life in expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the projected layered stories of information resonant in each human at the moment, that are around me, in a fear of exposing my own self accepted symbolic road map imbedded in my flesh to get along and go along, where speaking up about that might just trigger a reaction in another as end games and absolutes express as reaction because that is all that has ever been lived, one that is all illusion, and a story that is limited, extremely limited as that consumes the host, as mis-information causing separation from being present and in awareness of all things as the physical living breathing earth here as earth is the real heart of the matter here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to, in a way, become elemental, meaning to become still and present to direct myself focus onto the moving parts of what is here, as what is separation and what remains within what is constant as the physical reality that is who and what I am here  as life is physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that a scattered story line that is always of limitation is too much, and that the emotional/feeling confirmation biases of those resonant shadows that are much like a ritual or a tradition are something larger than life, when in effect they are actually tiny, and as such could be stood equal and one to, to mirror the state of limitation that is them, as it is possible, just as we humans are standing as these complex amorphous shadows, that are seemingly complicated, means that we are able to stand equal and one to complex forms and balance them out to be an expression that is of the same constancy as that of a tree, a tree being something that pays no rent, pays for no insurance, pays no taxes and yet gives unconditionally, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must defend and maintain a suit of protection, to get along and go along with what is essentially a very limited storied set body of knowledge and information that has become a floating entity of illusion that basically has no real power in any way.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to in relation to that, not see realize and understand that any sense of weight or falling or things being too much is in its very focus an indication that a state of separation is what I am accepting and allowing in a moment, and thus I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I breath in the forms and the movement, and I take this apart and redirect in ways that restore a natural presence, as much as I am able, to stand one and equal to what is here, and at the same time to remain constant with what is a complex form that is the embodiment of life as the physical natural reality here as that which is in plain sight.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that just as I learned to ride a bike, which took what , less than a couple of hours, am able to grasp and understand what is moving here, as I also learned how to crawl and to walk and to talk here as I as a form as a human can understand what is here, and as such speak to and of what is practical and in common senses of what is real as the physical that which at the end of the day, cannot be owned but through illusion.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be cautious, as a cautiousness of and as self protection when overall opening up that self protection and letting ideologies go I am able to stand equal to complex forms be they of nature, and as such balanced, or of a limited and layered story line of hyper inflated value judgements that in themselves have no real power as what is real is the physical, as the earth is the heart of matter, where that matter is life in expression here. 

 I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I can own something, when in effect everything that is here is me and defines me, thus a belief that something can be “ owned” as a physical thing is an illusion, the reality is that I am more a steward of life in that my responsibility is to be in expression with creation as life as the physical, as that is real “ ownership.” 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I find myself moving into thoughts that are of an absolute, or an end game belief, the consequence is of doom and gloom scenarios because I am allowing a state where I believe that something can be lost, when in effect, the constant is that which is life, as that which maintains a balance as that which can be complex but able to be understood just as riding a bike which is a complex of moving parts one can readily grasp and move with to function together to enjoy being physical as that is the value here, as the earth is the heart of the matter and displays all dimensions of things in plain sight, where, at the end of life what is most focused upon is that grass growing.

I commit myself to slow down and breath, and recognize my own rushing into protection and defense of what is very limited focus and to stop, to read what is here, as movements, as melodies, as story lines that are time lines of polarized beliefs that exist like a power vortex around the heart and that are a distraction from self as life, all of which is visible in body tics, in eye movements, in pressures in the body as the program of self deception of and as life is visible as a super imposition on what is constant and real as this physical creation that is life manifest and that is visible in its unconditional giving here. 

Day 860 A reminder of that which is constant

What was it yesterday that came up but noticing it was time to separate the chaos, or the fillers, from what is more constant, and more stable. 

In relation to myself and thinking, I find myself thinking about things. It is a sudden thing as one is in one moment, more present and then suddenly in another moment, imagining something. 

Meanwhile, and with some experience, those moments where real problem solving happens, that also have a measure of greater clarity become more real. By that I mean, more productive, or less anxiety causing. 

It is that one has shut down real feeling, a sense of the space that is here. I also notice how scattered things appear to be, especially in the media, and in conversations with others. Those moments where a person appears suddenly more aggressive, and/or moves into a manner where they are attempting to soften something by bringing forward a value and hyper-focusing on that. This is how the mind works when misused. It becomes more visible. The whole focus of the body also reflects this. 

It reflects the debt based monetary system where we are all living some hyper-projection that has no real value as it is separate from reality. If our money is all debt then who actually “ owns” everything - if such a thing can actually be real overall.

And, would that “ debt” be repurposed into being able to purchase less and less, as the goal posts change in the banking system. It is an inflated bubble, just as the use of aggressively or passively focusing on values that are about protecting some “ asset” or some fear of really looking at what is going on today on this earth. 

There is the law of correspondence, where what is below is above and what is without is within. It is like a hologram where each part reflects the whole. In every word we speak, we expose where we are at, on what we focus upon. Blame is basically abdicating responsibility. It is a form of becoming a reaction instead of a solution. It causes the ripples of a need to respond to the reaction instead of the problem. This must be visible, because the medium the ripple moves through remains a constant … until the constant is destroyed by being overwhelmed by ripples. 

I have looked back into moments where I more neutralized situations seeing through the hyper-realized reactions. I ask myself why I am not living that “ state of being” with every breath? 

It was yesterday morning that I woke up with this question around me, that I went onto the internet and noticed a pattern emerging from that chaos. In three interactions, the words about seeing the constant through the storm came up. It was as though within all the resonant chaos, that one point came through. At the end of the day, this is really what it is all about. 

The real solutions are what is constant and here. I am physical, on a physical planet. That is what exists at the end of the day. In relation to debt and the present banking system, there is this earth and it requires a reset that realizes it is the real value, and the means to be life. That is the constant. And, it is here, in plain sight. 

Day 859 A reflection on the math of being caught in a spell, or emotional storm.

I can feel this thing in my chest, as though there is a constant pressure. It is a fine line, the difference. A difference between sensing a real movement and existing within an elevated state of being. It is so visible in the form and movement of a face to a large degree. One can focus the body to see the overall movement. It can cause an uncomfortability, as though a natural sentience can on some level mirror what is around them. A state of protection demands a constant awareness in order to react in ways that maintain that protection. I suppose it is possible to become a mirror for others, one need only have the patience to face the storm. Emotional storms have a funny way of burning themselves out. it can only last so long. 

What is interesting, is that surrounding this is a certain lite-ness. I can’t tell if I am being delusional. Yet there are moments when a “ storm” has been more something made visible to itself than something that could be considered a threat. The storm lives its courses in a faster way when there is nothing fueling that storm. Therefore, its life span is shortened. If restrictions were lessened would life come through more? At the end of the day, life cannot be suppressed. It is a constant , whereas an emotional projection has no constancy. That is probably a huge difference, but being in an emotional storm eludes that simplicity. One is caught under a spell. A spell constructed and allowed by the self at the expense of a natural sentience. That “ sentience” that allows one to learn to ride a bike pretty quickly. Emotionally charged spells, as projections, of defense of one’s own spells, facing another of the same does not have the same embrace and learning ability as that kind of focus that is used to learn to ride a bike. Emotionally charged states, or spells, against the same, lack processing speeds - unless one sees outside the veil, and then that natural spatial ability begins to open up. 

One of the cool things about slowing down and breathing is that one can become one’s own witness to one’s own storms. Why? Because a false paradigm as a projection of ideas, beliefs and opinions has only a certain duration, thus the contrast is there if one can breath through and unfollow the reactions as information coming up from within. 

If we all stopped and cross referenced our own reactions to things before making a decision, many many things would begin to change. Chaos is complicated. The complex in contrast could be realized as being more harmonic. Somehow, we have associated chaos with complex. Yet, complex does not need to mean something is chaotic. As some have said, if one cannot explain something to a child then it is not really understood. And, that once we know something it is a joy because it has become easy. Yet, an emotional polarity can, in time, make the complex appear difficult. This is why as we age, things appear more difficult.  What has happened is that some unresolved value judgement is clouding the lens of awareness. If we look at the MSM today, it is all about clouding the lens of a natural awareness. Life is here, that which thwarts life must be a bullying state, because it is a state of denial of life. Or, when involved in the emotional/feeling storm processing slows way down. One moves into defense often manifest as name calling. That makes facing a storm much easier because such a construct both has no longevity and it is something that eventually must seek balance. That lack of balance leads to death. 

Suppression  ( a form of defense) is a shutting down of being in the living space and time of earth. We are the ones who build our own “ shut down” systems. At the end of the day, is the present “ lock down” simply reflecting what each is doing within the self as life? Are we tired of playing the game, exhausted from projecting a separate reality on top of this living earth? Is this going to be a solution or a death sentence? Are we “ locking down” because we are at an end game stage, where the invisible is made visible, the fantastic demystified? Because we are not yet ready to stand up we instead lock down? Are we realizing where we are going is not going to work? Has a process of elimination lead us to this point. Perhaps, it will lead to making the choice to finally realize real feeling as acceptance of the great abundance that is this physical creation? Since the “ storm of separation” has no real power, are we locking ourselves down in shame, or procrastinating from facing our own shame at having shut down real feeling. Real feeling being what would bring balance to this existence, that is existence period. It is like, open the heart, which would mean open up a natural sentience. Let what is constant and of support come roaring through. Realize within the “ math “ of spell casting that nothing can define one but what one is as life here. There would be a joy in the realization that this is the only place to go to at the end of the day. That would restore the kind of play one did as a young child. 

Day 858 Recognizing the shadow world of separation from self.

As happens, it is usually in the morning when I am waking up that I catch an insight into the movement of my own behaviors. This morning it was more obvious to me the extent to which I move into protection as a form of self suppression.

I remember, in college, while performing on stage one time, that I consciously performed in a way to hide a full presence in what it was I was doing. It is a form of no longer being as open. The belief behind it was that in being open, I attracted too much “ insistence” from others. What does that mean… It means that a certain focus of myself, could attract a kind of focus from other humans. It also reveals that I composed myself to a much greater extent than I am perhaps willing to realize. I deliberately, in a moment, composed the focus of my body, within a certain degree of limitation as not being open and fully focused with clarity in what I was doing in that moment. 

It also reveals a fear within me. What I am seeing is a fear of being able to answer to what comes to me in my environment. The contradiction, as the very nature of life revealing itself, was the movement I choose in that moment as being the answer to my own perceived dilemma! Astounding that the answer is therefore, always in plain sight. 

It was to realize that all things are a system, a composition. Even, as my father taught me, a newspaper article is a composition, visible in what it does not say. Most articles are written where the important thing is revealed at the end of the article because literacy rates are falling - which is also a system - and as a consequence most people no longer read to the end of an article - which means in itself, that emotions are triggered and the processing of information has become stagnant. It is a thing, a slow processing speed. The way forward is finding the point of conceptual development, to get it moving. It means seeing that train of separation. slowing it down and directing/moving in a direction that opens self discovery.

It is also understood that music, art and dance and reading about world events develops both sides of the brain. It is also understood that small minds talk about other people ( distraction), a more focused mind by degree, will talk about larger movements, and an even more focused person, using the tool of the mind, will focus on the overall whole and the ideas that improve that overall whole. How many people do you know that spend most of their time talking about other people? Was my self shutting myself down an attempt to avoid facing the above - that obviously reveals the human can determine their own FOCUS and as such “ invade” a space with their focus (revealed in their words and the focus of their bodies) to the extent one would make a choice to hide from that by doing the same thing that is causing that limited and narrow focus that creates a projection that is visible in its limitations by the very sounds coming from within it by the FOCUS of the body itself? Is it visible when perhaps in tossing a ball at the person the extent to which they are present is visible in the timing it takes to notice and catch a ball tossed towards them? 

This is dealing with a kind of quantum shadow world. And I choose to play the game, which means that I am able to see the game. My self suppression was really about a belief that I did not know how to deal with that which I then used to hide from that! It also means there is no excuse for anyone.

To change a practice that has been lived over a long time, is both easy and hard. Hard because reversing something appears difficult when the forces that drove that movement have become seemingly normal. Yet, once something is understood and called out by name, it no longer has any power as like cancels like. It is, all a math, one of great beauty. The shame being a rejection of that very beauty. “ we are happy when we are focused and unhappy when we are not” should be “ we are happy when we are focused here on earth, considering all things, and unhappy when we are not.”

This tension point on the right side of my chest, that at first felt like an inflammation, has to do with this point of facing the very thing I shut myself off from, that that has the answer to that which I resisted. 

I also sense that I circumnavigate this point. Hmmm. lol

At the end of the day, it is just like listening to a piece of music, hearing ( lol - I typed “hearting”) the moving parts and pulling the strings in ways that face the problem, the tension, the focus, to and towards what brings forward balance and consideration of all things. And then to rebuild as every word, to speak in oneness and equality with life that is here always, otherwise why would I shut myself off from it? It is here, as that is the real starting point. 

This is all interesting, because at the moment, I have a physical problem in my immediate environment. Many around me are telling me there is nothing I can do. My family members tell me this with pity cloaking their bodies. I recognize the quality of the “ film.” It all appears impossible. Yet, I have managed to find agreement. It needs no label, no name calling. it requires spelling out the space. It is, at the end of the day a math. It is when real harmony happens that it is like standing in the most magnificent “ song.” A “ song” that is stable in itself. It is like watching a plant resort back to its original form, or a form that fits into the environment. I had a “ foreign” lettuce that appeared to do this. It is as though something if forcing the living plants to be other than they really are. After all, the dinosaurs always looked like some sophomoric attempt at design. We have as a society come to believe that the sophomoric is more than it actually is. Having done a discipline for so long, that becomes obvious. I just shut down and say nothing most of the time because the difference is unknown and some attempt at speaking up elicits a group think that has forgotten the difference. It is a complacency in silently realizing that to some extent there is something called a continuum. 

In a way, I already know what to do. Not necessarily with all the specifics. It is more that I have already done this in small movements. A practice of looking at space and time, taking things apart. It is more to make that bigger and the shadow play smaller, or an aid in a moment. The absence of using emotion and feeling allows one to say things more directly because it triggers nothing and as such allows more self reflection, somewhat like the rule of three ( times). This requires seeing the moments a gap appears that floods insight. ( I had one of those moments the other day and then blocked it out!)  Yet the “ water” imprint remains. 

Day 857 Self forgiveness on the resonant mind consciousness system of separation from life.

The other day, I had a conversation with someone close to me. In a moment, I was aware of contradictory statements, and then, a “ state of being” as a personality. It is, though I have heard this before, a movement into a limitation, like holding a belief as a thing, and then in the next jumping into another context. Overall, a cognitive dissonance from the ordinary practical and physical reality that is here, in plain sight. 

The words, changed according to the personality. In one moment it was resisted, or reacted-to in relation to what I was conveying, and then in the next it was admitted to or acknowledged. What I noticed it that as I noted the two entities of belief, as expressed, as a contradiction, the different states of being, like a thing, like a mathematical formula in front of me.

Within this, I could also see that in the past, I would have reacted to the emotional content of one and agreed with the other to appease the initial emotional reaction. lol, at the same time that I write this, I realize that in working with others, I tend to relax when there is agreement, at the expense of covering some limitations that would most probably become a bounce back. Therefor, within this, having a situation where there is seeming agreement, there is also necessity to cover what is not being said. 

I suppose, as a child, seeing a state-of-limitation as a time line of built beliefs, would be a “ pain” in a way, and within myself, a reaction as a movement to move away from, ignore, avoid continuing or creating that tension of limited belief consuming the FOCUS of the body of the person. Yet, the realization that nothing can define a person, would enable one to have empathy as one moving beyond sympathy into real means and ways to allow a self discovery of balance and presence. Somewhat like turning a dial on a magnifying device in ways that uncover a limited and constructed focus of the body. Yet, I have found that uncovering things, when noticed and remembered, one - as anything in this reality, there is a need of space to process the uncovered, or discovered. Within this, one of the means of limitation is to give no space to actually process one’s experience. It is why, as I have discovered, our present government layer and spread things out, making it easy to hide what is real in plain sight and yet cause distraction to uncover the construct of the whole. Greed is a nasty business, one that kills the parasitical host as well as the victim. This understanding is probably there in the child, as the child enters this superimposed reality in reality. Processing that and learning to live with what is here, requires careful consideration, that one thing that is basically blocked within the demands of a limiting system. But then again, overall, it is like one giant computer game, where one must learn the inherent traps- even when they are spread out.

Yet, this is about inherent contradictions that are visible in a state of jumping beliefs within self interest. Self interest being a math that is separate from the practical and ordinariness of life manifest as the physical. This that would be a state of considering ALL things, FOCUSING the body on recognizing ALL THINGS. Of course, cross referencing all things, would mean to focus in the moment, as here. Focusing on memorized ideas, beliefs and opinions, would be a state of separation from being focused here. And, as humans are happy when they are doing, being focused here, would have a quality to it, one that would be more constant and calm. Most likely, when we are at our best self, the quality of our expression would be that of greater constancy, meaning of less contradiction. Again, it is all a math. 

In this moment, of which I speak, the contradictions as the expressions from this person I was communicating with, were suddenly visible. I, within myself, realized on one level, how influenced I had been by the emotional intensity of this person. And on another level, at the same time, I realized to probably a more defined degree, how much contradictions are so evident. And they appear like a sudden jump in space in time. I also realized, simultaneously, how such could be more directed into seeing the whole and the moving parts - as life is consideration and expression at the same time. And, to had another level of my own inner movements, from being the same, I realized I feared what was said and discussed, with the reactions as beliefs, that more than likely, our conversation would be echoed through a group and spun in such a way that answering to the scattered beliefs would be a ripple effect that I feared “ causing.” As it would be me, in relation to all of this, that the questioning of things would be placed upon. And this, in a way that I had criticized what was basically a belief construct. Something that as personality and limitation would react and be cognitively dissonant from hearing anything else. Thus, addressing those fears is necessary. Especially, when overall, as always, the answer is in noticing the inherent contradictions and balancing them out into common sense. This means facing the storm of limitation. And, as was more visible in this moment, at the end of that day, it is something to be fearless within. A fearlessness that needs no second thoughts, no requirement of recognition, no sense of gain. Any of those things would hide the difference. 

This also helps me to realize in a more substantial way and means that the difference between being present and focused in respect of all things, has a direct correlation to the amount of contradiction in what is said as the very words we speak. Thus, as I said before, it is all a math. And, the focus of the body, within and as accepting limitation, is visible. Moving into what is natural, as something like hearing that grass grow, will take time, and yet most likely open up in a moment as something that was always, in all ways in plain sight, and very natural.  I suppose being able to do that, would also mean one would be able to see one’s own means of separation from that, in a moment. And, know it so well, one would never ever make the choice to return to ignorance. It is that the less one believes one can move one’s self here in this reality, the greater one’s distance is from reality, and the more resonant chaos of ideas, beliefs and opinions one has spinning within one as a false god. The more this is one’s state of being, the more difficult it is to pick up a hammer and hammer in a nail, so distracting is one’s resonant ghost. The potential ensuing verbal drama’s are a form of entertainment, from having played a video game for so long, the focus has a hard time being changeable back into remembering that life is all things, and thus the physical living reality is the starting point of who and what we are as life. It is life in expression and it is here.

Self forgiveness to follow… 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear emotional movements, as expressions as beliefs, as ideas, within and as the very focus as form within and as the physical living flesh as the body.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as ideas, beliefs and opinions as making a projection of ideas, beliefs and opinions larger than life itself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to breath, to slow down and to use myself as life, in tandem with this physical living flesh that is me here, to see realize and understand that life is here in plain sight, that the focus as a from, as a movement of the physical body as the flesh as this earthly living form, is life, and as such can build an inner focus of separation from common sense, visible when one listens to the words being spoken and look at the movement of the person in plain sight, as the lens of the body reveals the focus of the body here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that processing the inFORMation of what is here, is what is innate about who and what I am as life as the physical and as such can see, and feel that focus of the body and hear the contradictions as the words, as the sounds as the forms from the body here, and within this, I am able to address the information and the focus of the body to see realize and understand imbalances and discover what makes sense as what is best for all here as life, as the means is always in all ways here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand the correlation to being emotional and being present here, as the difference is visible, in the focus and the words of the from as the physical body as the person as the human as the life that is here as life is simply here, whereas projections distort focus and expression of self as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a character of and as a quality of being surreptitious, where I listen and maintain a distance from being here, which in itself is being a watcher, without taking actions that move into what balances the within, to the without, the above to the below, to realize the value is being here, equal and one in consideration of all things as all that is is myself in another life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to tense up, within and as my chest area, to shut down looking here, within and as allowing myself to fear emotions, which are basically not having enough information, and as such causing a state of separation and limited thin-king here, as well, a from of protection and defense as a consequence of avoiding consideration of all things in a moment, because of an idea of a fear of loss, when the real loss is a lack of considering all things, where in so many ways, the simple is usually the answer, often visible in retrospect, revealing that the polarized chaos is also a system, one that morphs in many ways and can appear overwhelming, when within this the patterns are similar, and as such, able to be addressed without any emotional reaction within myself here, as I am life and I am here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to slow down and decompose what is around me to see realize and understand the correlations evident in the difference between being focused here, in respect of all things and being in protection and defense in relation to hiding a lack of being able to process the projections of beliefs, opinions and ideas, and the difference of being present and in recognition of all things as the realization that life is physical and in plain sight here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize in every moment, the power of being focused here, and not reacting to limitation, but to rather focus on the form that is here, in every moment, as the difference between being focused and what is essentially being scattered as living as knowledge and information, instead of being practical and in respect of life as the physical, because the physical is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel ashamed at the extent to which I focused ONLY on the emotional content of and as the fear, the false evidence appearing real, as the projection of ideas, beliefs and opinions, that are recognizable in the polarized, value judgements that are basically a denial of being present, as a value judgement is an association to an idea, as the very quality and nature of such, which is a signature of being scattered and thus insecure, and thus in a state of loss of common sense.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize the math of what it means to be scattered, that is visible, as in the very focus of the body, as the presence is absent, because at the end of the day, each and every one of us knows the difference, which is why what we practice is what we become, as what we practice is what we allow, which leaves a mark, because separation causes a lack of focus, and thus a lack of capacity, and thus a lack of security and stability.

I forgive myself for being locked in limited associations within and as the very focus of myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to read through things like troll letters, especially the really long ones, because they bring forward the patterns of cognitive dissonance, in their very form and function meant to cause frustration and discord, as things are triggered through label and name calling and seemingly invisible threats as the “ you are either against us or with us” scenarios which is a form of limiting information as revealing the whole and the moving parts.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing a storm, to fear being confrontational, as in reality, fearing to be confrontational, within and as common sense, reflects the degree to which one is lacking information as being grounded, as facing limitation and scatological thin-king,which is a gift because it means that one is essentially lacking in real seeing, in real living presence, in real movement as steadiness, as being grounded in consideration of all things here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that any form of self pity is a distraction from looking at what is here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to have realized the difference between speaking as knowledge and information, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear to look here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear to look here, and to open this up, as I fear being accused of having done the same, and also within this, to realize that all manner of responses will be expressed as the very process of coming back down to earth requires processing the difference here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have not noticed the difference.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing a mind consciousness system that is of obvious shadow movement within and as the human physical body that is more constant as it is life, as this earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to remain steady in focus and purpose within and as realizing in thought, word , and deed that life is here, and that life is physical, as this is considering all things, and taking the good and ensuring no harm, to redirect into the value being life here as being in expression of creation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to act, to behave in protection and defense within and as wanting to memorize structures to guide me in relation to, which is also an idea, that I must have a firm template or grasp, or both, to allow me, to prepare me to face what is here as a mind consciousness system that is a resonant form around the human physical body, as a projection of and as ideas about the past, which are basically unresolved beliefs as a fear of loss, in the order of being able to face something, which is a form of caution, and yet, any children, especially in earlier generations did not have this to the extent it exists today, and were able to see, and yet not be heard, as they did not yet have the means of communication, especially with parents who were lost in a limited narrative of limited values that were in an absence of considering all things as who and what we are here as physical states of being.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to relax, to remain calm, to see, especially within the experience, that when and as I look here, in some small moments what was discovered was of a greater understanding and a consequence  of being less emotional as a slow and subtle trust is built that enables me to face emotional storms with lending direction that resolves and discovers a more balanced state of being, which in itself as a form of realizing emotional charges as beliefs that lack respect of who and what we are as physical life, as life is physical and that physical is life, as it remains and is visible, is in plain sight here, and as such as a system of great inequality, what is the means of a few owning what is here put to promulgate a narrative that there is an after life, or to pretend “ love and light” when real love is the universal measure of and as “ to give as one would receive,” as this measure in practical movement, would create an existence where no one is in lack, as this is natural. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am disempowered.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe, that I have no power.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand how tiny is the projection of a mind consciousness memorized and self created inner resonant system is a construct of little value in that it has no real longevity, as was evident in the death of my father, thus the emotional storms of really of no significance, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself as my beingness, to see, realize and understand that it means to stand here, within and as describing the difference, to bring the gap between being focused here, in respect of all things as the physical living and breathing and expressing physical state called earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that at the end of the day, there is only here, this physical breathing expressing reality called earth.

I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding that when and as I cannot hold a more complex form within me, I am showing myself to myself, as the very distractions of polarized values thwart my focus onto being one and equal within and as standing equal to a more complex form, which means that when and as I cannot stand one and equal to a more complex form of disassociation I am not grounded here, in reality, equal and one to this existence, for which there is no excuse, none, no “ soft love” as an idea is going to change this, as there is only standing equal and one with intent, especially as adults that can use words and communicate because I am no longer a child.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to process what is here as forms chest on here, as I understand that the heart as a much greater electrical field than does the head…., but more on that research later.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that even if this is true, it means that the suppression through the use of projection of an energetic visible field around the physical body, is of such thin stuff it is astounding that the heart is suppressed to the degree that it is…

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand those moments where “ troll” manage was in my space and to which I did not react, and instead if anything, looked at with curiosity, and within that realized the patterns and forms and was more effective in not triggering the emotional field, and as such answered to it in ways to allow it to discover itself, within and as asking it to repeat itself, as within the law of three, bringing something forward three times as a great effect, which is also in the bible.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to ask questions more, as making statements by nature places pressure to respond, which causes a discord within a state of separation as a person believing that their resonant belief system is more real than life here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that I am life and as life I am capable of standing one and equal to what are essentially resonant constructions of polarized values that has patterns to it, like patterns of grief, and is visible as we can only speak our experience here, thus we reveal even in silence where we are at, as the living breathing physical reality is in plain sight and of such magnificence that real life would be in expression in every moment, even in silence, as in a way, within and as intention, real understanding is a constant that cannot be denied.