Day 646 I may ground myself here, into equality and oneness with the physical to stand equal and one to life.

If I carry around my past, as all the experiences I have that are charged with fear, I cannot see the potential of what is here as the physical as life in expression. My reptilian brain stands with the weight of that charge, slowing me down, and all I see is threat and possibility of what I fear happening, which is a fear of being called a name that was my fear. So, I run from a fear of being called something. Which means I feel quilty about something I did or did not do. Do I think of correction within my actions or have I allowed the fear to become greater than the rate of correction?

I can only be here in this moment, moving equal to the physical, thus I can only address my fear in practical application, I can in essence only give myself to the moment and forgive any name I may or may not be called. I can slow way down, assess and correct. The principle of doing what is best for all, in every moment , in small detail, is always right in front of me. A shadow of fear, is the illusion.

Acting in self interest only, is fear because we live on a symbiotic physical planet,  meaning the means of being is physical, so cross referencing physical reality, is what grounds us. If I reference my fear, my past directed by this fear, I cannot see this physical means, and I separate myself from my own natural spatial awareness of this physical world. I then slowly age, no longer being present and equal to life, and I notice this in how when I walk, I begin to lose sense of that step before that door, or can no longer drive my car. I have separated myself from life and become a mind consciousness only. 

 I have become the limited knowledge and information that directs in associative ways only, very linear ways, so much so that I can not envision beyond a certain consequence of understanding, I can no longer see the whole and the parts, as was the gift of life as me as a child. As I child, I had not yet learned to communicate in words what I could see, and the way words were used, was not equal and one with the physical world. I learned to use words in fear, in a limited game of association only, each word charged up with reference to the world of fear, of inferiority, as a mind consciousness system only. 

I can only , in every breath, step outside of my comfort zone, and live in each moment, within the principle of what is best for all, and be thankful for every limitation I believe comes before me, because every limitation I accept is the shadow of my belief, opinion and idea based on fear and not the real presence of myself. My potential is so much more than the limited measure of and as fear, as my own constructed and accepted mind consciousness. 

I may allow the presence of myself as life, that was and is always here, to breath, and to live in the moment. And I may give as I am as life, and receive  the potential of life that is here all around me. I may be the absolute purpose of life, and become equal and one with and as life here. 

The means are in every moment, as I can address and be the small measure in every moment because what is real, as the physical is here right in front of me in every moment.

In every moment, the choice is to stand as solution, as what life really is. Life is physical, the physical is life information. Thus I reference the physical, with every breath, in gratitude, to realize there is nothing to fear, as life is right here, as the physical, to reveal in practice the way and the means of living. 

Any resistance means I have fallen into my mind consciousness , a valley of smoke and mirrors, of judgement, of values all charged up with emotion in self interest, that becomes an end game of a death for a false god composed of beliefs, opinions and ideas, that suck the substance of life from me, until I am a whitened wick of limited knowledge and information, moving by association manifest as telling the same limited and justifying story again and again, never having accepted life, and equalized my within to the without, my above to the ground that is the means of me as the physical world below my feet. 

 I stand here, equal and one, to and with the physical world, in support of myself as I am life. I take that which is good, which allows the full potential of life to stand as life, equal and one, in oneness and equality as all things here, as what is here, as the physical is life inFORMation. The scream of limitation as my reptilian brain can only be a large as I accept and allow it, what is real is life, as the physical world here. I stand here, equal and one to the physical, and I ground all time into referencing the physical world around me to bring an accepted and allowed mind consciousness into equality and oneness with and as life, as the physical, as this is real life, this is heaven on earth. I focus here, as this is what allows me to act in accord with life and since i can only move here in this moment, in small steps, the way is always before me. I accept and allow myself to be here. I practice physical living = life.

Day 641 The matrix of limitation, a tiny life.

Getting lost in the patterns falling down from my mind and believing the emotional bodies building within my lower back.

I have been standing and facing people this summer with greater intensity than in the previous months. Within this, I begin to not only see my own patterns of reaction as my beliefs, but also, the ‘ songs’ of others as their spin on reality as the words they speak and the physical reactions some so carefully condense in small physical movements, hiding anxiety and forcing a suppression of themselves as life - their full potential to be equal to life as the physical.

Yesterday, I was at a gathering of people discussing problems and looking for solutions. After the death of my husband, where I had lost everything that I had built to define me, to survive, I had noticed that people were more often than not, projecting their words in such a way as to substantiate and validate their own constructed self definitions, and that within this, no single one was hearing or seeing another person. It was like a circle of people self validating without any awareness of anything but that story in front of their eyes, like a televised event only they could see. The words they used a projection of information they cross referenced within an effort to reinforce their own constructions of meaning. A meaning that over all was in separation from reality.

Yesterday, when an ex-teacher listened to a school administrator, she said, you speak with nouns, and make things sound so pretty, but it has no real solution. I was astounded and am so thankful for this woman’s words, it opened a door for me that I had only deciphered in my mind , yet had not seen in action. Suddenly, it was as though every person was a ‘ tenor’ so-to-speak and I was within that objectivity where I heard the words of others as a ‘ song’ so to speak. The gamut of the quality of the words so extremely limited, yet some of the parts holding a truth. Such a very narrow focus overall.

It is not really any different than a pop tune. Limited and very narrow within its expression. More of a whine, with a depressed quality that is depressing into self pity as an endless game that is used to define one’s self. It is like to say, “ if I listen to the tune, I can ride the ‘sea’ of my belief and continue in a depression of my own self accepted suppression .” Such a lot of work, lacking ease, causing a death instead of a transformation.

And yet, it is to listen to the parts, to take that which is good and begin to ground this into reality, into seeing the full gamut of physical living. This entity of belief, cannot define me unless I accept and allow it. It is just like a ghost in a machine, that ghost believed to be more real than that on which is rests as the physical. It is like the matrix movie where the information flows down and covers reality. Where one only sees the information, and not what is real as the very substance of the physical that is the means of this ghost- a measure that is limited, extremely so. One can realize this in the loss of awe within every moment in one’s life. That awe that a child can express in the simplest of things. That awe is that which can slow down and notice the cells in a blade of grass creating a blade of grass, an expression of life, here.

I have in the last weeks, sensed within me a weight that at moments I realize, in this moment here, a sense that the switch from a mind consciousness to respecting what is life as the physical, is impossible. There is too much to move through, and this has caused this weight and it is composed of what beliefs I have accepted and allowed to define me. I am to blame, and to correct what I have accepted and allowed within me, as a mind consciousness only, my own separation from life. No one can ‘ clean this up’ but myself because I am here with this. It means to give up everything to have everything. And it is a process that never ends, it is a journey to life. It is the solution. It is to forgive my self accepted and allowed mind consciousness in separation from life.

One of the physical things that I have noticed in the last weeks is that my body appears to me to be saying, ‘ SLOW DOWN.” And, I mean this in a way that appears to move against any sense of logic I have learned as a mind consciousness system. I have also believed that this is myself getting older, and then there is a fear attached to this, so within this, there is this sense as a belief that I am getting older, and also this sense that this slowing down is myself becoming more aware. The two things happening at the same time. And yet, with this experience yesterday, this slowing down has allowed me to see more of the existent patterns that a mind consciousness exists as. This moves against all belief as my mind consciousness! It is like giving up what is believed to be a truth, as this rushing, to find that this directive as slowing down is really the answer to grounding myself into seeing the patterns of separation from the physical world. This is like working with more than only being in my mind. And here, I must always remind myself that I tend to turn things into ideas. 

I must ask myself, ‘ How can something so limited be impossible to breach?” Overall, this is an illusion, because ultimately it cannot be impossible to breach! It is like seeing the smoke and mirrors and realizing they can be dispersed  and that overall the nature of this illusion is so lacking in any real substantive measure to believe it is real and can influence one’s self has only the power one gives to it!

Ironically, there are no mis-takes, as bringing the limitation as a lesser construction as belief as a mind consciousness, is walking the illusion back into life. Thus all reactions are not to be taken personally, and instead immediately assessed and directed  into what defines life as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the ghost in the machine is a mind consciousness that is of extreme limitation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand the weight of my own separation as ideas, beliefs and opinions that have no real substantiating quality with and as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see my own constructs as mind, and realize the extreme limitations that they exist as, a composition of inferiority to life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear standing equal and one with and as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand the information I have accepted and allowed as belief, as opinion, as idea, a measure about reality, that is not equal to reality, as the physical, as this was here before any culture was what I accepted and allowed from day one, as a child.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear that I as a self accepted and allowed mind consciousness cannot change.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to point out how much we humans exist as a mind consciousness, when we accept the idea of ‘ mindfulness’ as what we have as information passing in our minds as thoughts composed of words, built of past experiences, can be ‘ breathed through’ and not become what directs us, which means we can understand that what is in our minds is not who we can decide to be, here, thus, we can see, realize and understand that as humans we take in a measure, as belief, opinion and idea, and believe that to be more real than reality, and can use breath to stand outside of thoughts, yet we must realize that what we think is not what is real as being a measure equal and one to life, as the physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing this wall of information as mind, and interrupting the patterns of belief, opinion and idea, in such a way as to deconstruct and reconstruct the limitation, within and as sensing reality as the physical, taking that which is good and does no harm, to move into solutions that can withstand the test of time and be of support for all life, realizing that life is the value and the means to live a life in expression that is of a potency that includes all life here.

When and as I find myself becoming heavy, within and as my legs, I stop and I breath, and I assess my own self accepted and allowed limitations, as I slow down and breath, grounding myself here, taking the space to assess my ghost in my machine as a mind consciousness I accepted and allowed, to realize my own self accepted and allowed inferiority, and I slow down some more, until I can begin to reconstruct my insight ability to be directive in not only answering to limitation, and also, moving into solutions that give structures that ground which is to open doors and allow self discovery, in all the joy that self discovery brings as this is what I would want for myself, as this is what I would want for any child as me, here.

When and as I find myself having a thought within this ‘ as the norm of the system, that I am getting older” I stop and I breath, as this is, in this moment as how I see this, a measure as a mind consciousness as a program that I am getting heavier with the h-oldings of belief as a limited mind consciousness built in separation of life as beliefs, opinions and ideas, here.

When and as I find myself becoming heavy in and as my legs, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I begin to see, realize and understand the measure of my fear, the measure of my belief, the measure of my inferiority to life here.

When and as I find myself becoming heavy within and as my legs, I stop I breath, I slow way down, as in a sense this is my physical body telling me to slow down, as the weight is a rush that does not ground me here, that does not answer practically to here, which brings up a memory of myself rushing at times, like a moment of suddenly standing up and bumping into someone, as I begin and allow myself to chase a desire, at times to appear engaged, with a excitement in ‘ having something to do’ lol

When and as I find myself becoming heavy within and as my legs, I stop and I breathe, and I slow myself down, as this is a memory as a ghost in the machine as myself as a physical sentience, as life, here, following a limited construction of belief, opinion and idea, in separation from respecting life, the means of which is manifest as a physical form here.

When and as I find myself becoming heavy within and as my leg areas, I stop I breath I slow myself down, I realize the habit of my limited belief as a mind consciousness system, and I assess my limitation and practical reality, to self correct the limited beliefs I have allowed to define me within survival,  where I see motions of anger, and desire to blame and spite, project and imagine, fantasize and dream, and I continue to slow down, to name the self accepted and allowed separation, as belief, opinion and idea, until I begin, step by step, to deconstruct and align myself here, into what moves with humbleness and ease, having no fear and being forgiving as this is what I would want for myself as life.

When and as I find myself becoming heavy, within and as my legs, I see, realize and understand that my natural physical ease is showing me where I am walking in limitation, and instead of moving into self validation, as ideas, beliefs and opinions, I assess the weight of my own inferiority, realizing justifications warped into superiority, assessing the practical world around me, discovering it through bringing my own self definitions as ideas into what does no harm as a practical state of being, and allows the self discovery that has the nature of an awe of and as the world as creation ever present around us/myself here.

When and as I find myself speaking in nouns, or being in the presence of nouns as words, where things as ideas are turned into pretty icons, I stop and I breathe, and I slow myself down, and I assess the difference between living words where words are directive into creating directives that allow the self discovery of real practical living in ways that allow the potential of every man to live a full life,  here.

When and as I find myself , within this moving into righteousness, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, I see, realize and understand that this is wanting a quick fix, and myself rejecting life here.

When and as I find myself becoming heavy within and as my legs, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand I must assess my accepted and allowed belief system as a mind consciousness system, and name the limitation assessing the energy as blame and spite, projection of a filmy entity onto objects, hiding from being self responsible to and towards life here.

When and as I find myself becoming a weight as fear, as a limitation, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, I assess the movement of myself in thought and word, and the directive as myself as a mind consciousness deed, I forgive, and step into the unknown, seeing realizing and understanding that there are no mis-takes, only a process of grounding myself here, equal and one to what does no harm to discover what is best for all. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTKAISStf4c

Day 628 Moving from the Big to the Small

Moving from the big to the small.

A point opened up where I realize that I had judged some actions as being tedious. Looking at this in relation to what I am doing in my life, I realized that I had a belief that some of the required actions were tedious, and yet there I was talking about moving from the big to the small. Someone asked me a question, about sentences, and I realized that sentences are made up of words, thus, if I know the words, the small, I can then see the sentence.

Slowing down to realize the implication of this might cause a resistance within myself, because I have to change my belief, and move my ability to perceive. One could say, I have to refine my perception.

This is a process of  slowing down, becoming smaller, moving through the layers of belief that I have accumulated; conceptions of reality, learned in a system where I became the measure of my practice, which is years of being in classroom moving as thinking only and in front of televisions telling me a story that I allowed myself to believe was the real story when it was not. It was so often a limited story, not going into the detail of the real measure of living a physical life. I accepted and believed the anecdotes of extreme cases used to justify the mean as the accepted and allowed measure of reality from the ubiquitous projection of someone else’s take on this practice of living in a physical reality. Meanwhile, reality was right there, right in front of me. I can blame no one but myself, because I accepted and allowed the measure of me to become the response of another. I followed instead of investigated, I abdicated my own common sense, I gave away ownership of myself as life, I ignored practical reality.

One thing I run to and towards is a desire for intimacy. Though this is all around me, as me, as a physical state of being. By intimacy I mean, simply being in a mode of communication that flows with ease, the practice of understanding coming before competition.

Overall, in the moment, I will watch for this sense of something being tedious, because this is my accepted and allowed belief system, as a measure that is not equal to practical living. This sense of something being tedious, is the source  as my accepted inner measure that separates me from what I seek, which is intimacy in all my actions in this physical life. The way and the means of intimacy, is to breath when this sense, as the measure of my belief as energies of my accepted mind construct, of something being tedious comes up, to slow myself down, to make myself small, to humble myself,  to forgive the construct, and look to the parts and the whole, to become the walk of intimacy with life, as life must be information and that information is physical. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become a belief that something is tedious.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become overwhelmed in and as a belief that something is tedious.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that what I am as mind, as belief, as the measure of my accepted understanding within as knowledge and information, must be cross referenced with the practice of living a physical information as what life would be, and within this to slow down, to become small, to become humble, to sense here, to enjoy the intimacy I have the capacity to be, as this is myself as life as what I am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to tense within and as me, as what I have practiced again and again, repeated again and again as this is how I learned and all in separation from the intimacy of the physical as what I am as the means of life in expression in information, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see , realize and understand that the rush of belief is a desire for something based on a construct, an agenda built of ideas that mis-take the practice of living and respecting life,  rejecting values, ignoring them, as I rush to an inner idol believed to be more real than what is right here in front of me as me as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become an energy composed of a belief in one value being more than another, and then becoming uncertain and defensive when my limited value does not fit into reality, or is not received as I expected.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is something more than being here, in respect of physical life, as this is life information.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that as I compose myself into a formation within and as me as a belief, focus on this belief, this idea, without cross reference to life, as the physical, I am using my imagination, to compose the presence of myself into a limited idea without consideration of the reality around me that enables my self to exist as the physical is creation information, the eye of the needle, the way and the means to becoming equal and one to creation, as the physical is life information, as this is that which can withstand the test of time, and what I accept and allow as idea, within and as me, only, is not, my personification is myself in separation, moving into ideas, separating myself from being present here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that if I move as my within construct to be more than the physical, I misuse the muse of me as life, and separate myself from life, creating an alternate reality as mind, that consumes the flesh as my walking story I project within and as me , as ego, becomes my televised edition of reality within and as me, that sucks the life out of me, until I die a death instead of transform into and with and as life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this composition within and as me, tenses the muscles within and as me, making myself rigid, stuck, a practice which has become the very movement within habituated like a record of behavior practiced again and again, which takes an effort to slow down, and reform, deconstruct and begin to move as something more flexible within and as change in every moment here, walking the practice of considering all things and taking that which is good.

When and as I find myself tensing up within and as me, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see , realize and understand where I am in judgment.

When and as I find myself  moving into tensing up within and as me, assessing my breath, in every moment, I stop and I slow down and I breath, to ground myself into realizing that nothing defines me but what I accept and allow, and that I am here, able to sense the physical world around me, to assess what I am within, and what is without, even within the limitations as resistance in another, to gage where I am in relation to another through asking questions, taking the time to equalize in understanding, here, and to move into solutions as in move into what is best for all, here.

When and as I find myself moving into a morality based on conditioning that I accepted and allowed, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I ground myself here, to see realize and understand respect for all things, as life as the physical, taking that which is good and does no harm.

When and as I find myself  becoming tense within and as me, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, I assess what is here in measure, and move through my own accepted and allowed fear of survival into a measure that is best for all, through assessing the creation of myself within in separation from reality and what it means to be grounded here, in respect of physical reality as the means of myself as life here.