Day 628 Moving from the Big to the Small

Moving from the big to the small.

A point opened up where I realize that I had judged some actions as being tedious. Looking at this in relation to what I am doing in my life, I realized that I had a belief that some of the required actions were tedious, and yet there I was talking about moving from the big to the small. Someone asked me a question, about sentences, and I realized that sentences are made up of words, thus, if I know the words, the small, I can then see the sentence.

Slowing down to realize the implication of this might cause a resistance within myself, because I have to change my belief, and move my ability to perceive. One could say, I have to refine my perception.

This is a process of  slowing down, becoming smaller, moving through the layers of belief that I have accumulated; conceptions of reality, learned in a system where I became the measure of my practice, which is years of being in classroom moving as thinking only and in front of televisions telling me a story that I allowed myself to believe was the real story when it was not. It was so often a limited story, not going into the detail of the real measure of living a physical life. I accepted and believed the anecdotes of extreme cases used to justify the mean as the accepted and allowed measure of reality from the ubiquitous projection of someone else’s take on this practice of living in a physical reality. Meanwhile, reality was right there, right in front of me. I can blame no one but myself, because I accepted and allowed the measure of me to become the response of another. I followed instead of investigated, I abdicated my own common sense, I gave away ownership of myself as life, I ignored practical reality.

One thing I run to and towards is a desire for intimacy. Though this is all around me, as me, as a physical state of being. By intimacy I mean, simply being in a mode of communication that flows with ease, the practice of understanding coming before competition.

Overall, in the moment, I will watch for this sense of something being tedious, because this is my accepted and allowed belief system, as a measure that is not equal to practical living. This sense of something being tedious, is the source  as my accepted inner measure that separates me from what I seek, which is intimacy in all my actions in this physical life. The way and the means of intimacy, is to breath when this sense, as the measure of my belief as energies of my accepted mind construct, of something being tedious comes up, to slow myself down, to make myself small, to humble myself,  to forgive the construct, and look to the parts and the whole, to become the walk of intimacy with life, as life must be information and that information is physical. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become a belief that something is tedious.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become overwhelmed in and as a belief that something is tedious.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that what I am as mind, as belief, as the measure of my accepted understanding within as knowledge and information, must be cross referenced with the practice of living a physical information as what life would be, and within this to slow down, to become small, to become humble, to sense here, to enjoy the intimacy I have the capacity to be, as this is myself as life as what I am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to tense within and as me, as what I have practiced again and again, repeated again and again as this is how I learned and all in separation from the intimacy of the physical as what I am as the means of life in expression in information, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see , realize and understand that the rush of belief is a desire for something based on a construct, an agenda built of ideas that mis-take the practice of living and respecting life,  rejecting values, ignoring them, as I rush to an inner idol believed to be more real than what is right here in front of me as me as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become an energy composed of a belief in one value being more than another, and then becoming uncertain and defensive when my limited value does not fit into reality, or is not received as I expected.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is something more than being here, in respect of physical life, as this is life information.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that as I compose myself into a formation within and as me as a belief, focus on this belief, this idea, without cross reference to life, as the physical, I am using my imagination, to compose the presence of myself into a limited idea without consideration of the reality around me that enables my self to exist as the physical is creation information, the eye of the needle, the way and the means to becoming equal and one to creation, as the physical is life information, as this is that which can withstand the test of time, and what I accept and allow as idea, within and as me, only, is not, my personification is myself in separation, moving into ideas, separating myself from being present here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that if I move as my within construct to be more than the physical, I misuse the muse of me as life, and separate myself from life, creating an alternate reality as mind, that consumes the flesh as my walking story I project within and as me , as ego, becomes my televised edition of reality within and as me, that sucks the life out of me, until I die a death instead of transform into and with and as life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this composition within and as me, tenses the muscles within and as me, making myself rigid, stuck, a practice which has become the very movement within habituated like a record of behavior practiced again and again, which takes an effort to slow down, and reform, deconstruct and begin to move as something more flexible within and as change in every moment here, walking the practice of considering all things and taking that which is good.

When and as I find myself tensing up within and as me, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see , realize and understand where I am in judgment.

When and as I find myself  moving into tensing up within and as me, assessing my breath, in every moment, I stop and I slow down and I breath, to ground myself into realizing that nothing defines me but what I accept and allow, and that I am here, able to sense the physical world around me, to assess what I am within, and what is without, even within the limitations as resistance in another, to gage where I am in relation to another through asking questions, taking the time to equalize in understanding, here, and to move into solutions as in move into what is best for all, here.

When and as I find myself moving into a morality based on conditioning that I accepted and allowed, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I ground myself here, to see realize and understand respect for all things, as life as the physical, taking that which is good and does no harm.

When and as I find myself  becoming tense within and as me, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, I assess what is here in measure, and move through my own accepted and allowed fear of survival into a measure that is best for all, through assessing the creation of myself within in separation from reality and what it means to be grounded here, in respect of physical reality as the means of myself as life here.

Day 591 The veil is thin. The practice of value touting vs. practical application.

I had a conversation with some people and reacted when they continued to tout their point of view. I went into a reaction as a non-reaction within just realizing they were being egotistical. They were presenting one dimension that was not necessarily wrong, but really very limited because it had a goal without investigating causes. The suggestions presented were more of the same we have been doing that really have not lead to a change. 
I find it overwhelming to point things out at times, and I get caught up in this only, and end up limiting myself. I can become what is said, stand with it, and realize that more than that action must be looked at. Thus, I can agree to what is said, and look at solutions that also move into prevention.
As humans we have managed to no longer be able to handle too many dimensions of something. We tend to limit our own conceptual ability in favor of an emotional high, like getting excited about something, patting each other on the back, spending an inordinate amount of time on such actions. But this is the problem, we are inordinate in our actions, because we spend so much time touting values instead of actually living. Like we are walking theories, walking text books, walking ideologies and meanwhile the world is burning down around us. Our soils are depleted, our trees no longer have any real density, and our children have attention span issues. I mean this is what ADHD really is, an attention span issue, to which the response is “ but he is so smart.” See what I mean about value touting? We wallow in the ideas, because being responsible and really addressing the problem seems too difficult.

So, what came first, the chicken or the egg? Did the value touting cause the inability to be responsible? I mean if you are busy getting excited about an idea, then actually being responsible and doing what needs to be done, what needs to be done is not getting done is it? And, as we are creatures of habit, as what we habituate as how we spend our time here as mind, which we do through repetition, what  do we become? When we learn we repeat until something is learned, embedded within us so that we can expand in our awareness and not use all our attention focusing on what we newly discovered and integrated. If we make ideas, as mental constructs only, what we practice without application, then we become walking theories without any physical practice. And then, physical practice becomes some novel idea.

And then we have an education system that teaches ideas without application. So how do we really know after we have learned a text if it is real or not? We don’t, we cannot until we have applied it ourselves. And then, if our wages, our incomes that allow us to survive, are dependent on what we learned from a book ONLY, and we have to have an outcome in accord of the theory, do we look realistically or do we instead work to make the theory fit?

If we have a whole bureaucracy following such an order, then we end up with little successes, and then we breed and accept that only a few will make it. And we begin to create a society were we accept lack, moving the blame onto the individual, without looking at our actions of a starting point of no real practical experience. No wonder it is easier to take one perspective and make this something to praise, because it is easier to hide in value judgements than admit to our own rejection of realizing our theories are just this, theories. Ones that we accepted without question.

It is like, being practical is becoming analytical. Which is to say, “ you are asking me to let go of my theoretical self, which means I have to look here, in common sense, and then I might lose my job.” And meanwhile, the soils decay, and the rivers are no longer clear. This does not sound like big brother watching over us, it sounds like each of us are the cause, and stories about “ big brother” are the fantasy to justify the abdication of responsibility.  And now, stories of a “ big brother” are being taken off the shelf, because we don’t even want to know a suggestive idea about an idea! Ideas about ideas are just too much depth perception for me and /or “ I am not an intellectual” which ironically, is an idea about an idea. lol
 And then, and I am on a roll here, we dream about being sensual. We are obsessed with sex and that ideological cloak about sex known as romance!  And, then, naturally the sexual promise remains unfulfilled and we become Don Quixote thinking it was the object outside of us and not ourselves. But if we cannot be practical here and perceive the depths of physical reality, then how are we going to enjoy our physical bodies in acts of intimacy? We simply cannot because we have never been consistently responsible!

Learning to become aware of something takes focus on that object, unconditionally, meaning without judgement, to accept it, see it, work with it, look at all perspectives and take actions that consider all aspects of physical reality. Ideas are just this, an aspect of something, because language as the humans use it, is linear, so it takes practice and time to incorporate understanding. And this happens a lot faster when it is done directly with the physical world, until enough understanding is reached to begin to build abstractions. And then, even here, every abstraction must always be cross referenced before application. it does not matter what one’s job is, because life is first. Without life, which the physical is, we do not exist. I mean that life is right here in front of us, as us, is really a brilliant design because it is allowing us to see the way and the means of life. It cannot get any better than that. The rest is the smoke and mirrors.

So, how do we ground ourselves here in the physical and begin to realize it as life? We change the system of hierarchy, we remove the flow of what allows access to what we need to live, as money, into a pyramid scheme and we move it, as in give it, to all. Given the digitization of money, this would not be too hard to do. Probably could be done in a few months if we set our minds to it. And then the behaviors of survival and greed would begin to abate and we can all begin to ask ourselves what we have been doing, and why had we not thought of this before, this that was right in front of us!

When we begin to look at the physical world in practical ways, it is surprising how much conceptual ability we have, and how satisfying the use of that ability is in terms of fulfilling our desire for sensuality. But then again, it has always been said that the veil is thin.