The Log Dog Day 869

 I had an experience this weekend where I was working in my yard when I noticed a mottled brown form partially hidden by some spring growth in one of my day lily beds. I stopped and looked at it for a moment, from a distance. 

It looked like a curled up dog. A few years earlier a raccoon was wondering in my yard in broad daylight. I allowed it, but kept an eye on it. Raccoons don't tend to move about during the day, as they have become more nocturnal. It was something extraordinary.  It ended up curling up into a ball and dying on the edge of the property. Obviously, it was sick, which accounted for its odd behavior. 

Hence, when I saw what I thought was a curled up dog I decided to not get too close. A hurt animal can be aggressive. I went and looked at it from another angle, keeping my distance. It continued to look like a curled up dog to me. 

I went inside and called the animal control officer. Because it was Sunday, the police came. The moment they arrived, I walked right up to the " curled up dog " and realized it was a log. lol

I had recently removed a large tree that was covering up a shed. The shed always smelled a bit moldy and I noticed parts of it were beginning to become infested with wood eating bugs. My insurance company wanted me to remedy the situation. I had the tree cut down. The logs were dispersed in one localized area to be organized once they dried out for a few days. One log had rolled over into another area and was embedded in this flower bed, separate from the others. 

The moment I approached the " dog" I realized instantly that it was a log. 

During the previous week, an issue had come up in my life that was occupying my mind. I had done a lot of research into the issue and found contradictions in laws. This was disturbing me, as I realized these contradictions, and the pressures of belief within the system. Despite the laws being clear, and precedents set, it appeared local municipalities were doing the opposite. I encountered some aggression and at the same time passivity from local law enforcement. I felt like I was standing in a huge grey area of beliefs subtly voiced through some verbal aggression but passed by when encountering local law enforcement. Even chat GPT voiced the contradictions and cited the Supreme Court's rulings that directly addressed these issues. It appears that both sides of the issue exist. Is it that these ordinances exist and yet are not enforced, like a mirage in the system to attempt to normalize something contrary to fundamental rights? 

I think of Thomas Paine's first paragraph in his writing Common Sense;  “ Perhaps the sentiments contained in the following pages, are not yet sufficiently fashionable to procure them general favor; a long habit of not thinking a thing wrong, gives it a superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defence of custom. But the tumult soon subsides. Time makes more converts than reason. “

It this a game of slow acceptance to have " laws " contrary to principled directives?  To have the opposite of such laws in place despite their contrariness to principle? And does this exist to slowly make such things common place? Somewhere I seem to remember that this has been done in the medical system in America.  That simply because something has been inculcated, meaning repeated again and again, with suggested subtle possible worst case scenario outcomes, the practice is habituated and as that basically turned into law, into something accepted by the collective? And is there outcry when someone comes and counters what has been inculcated ( fear and repetition ) to be a norm? Anyway, I have a fear of this. That " spin" of this dilemma is so resonant within me, that when I encountered this situation with the " log dog " I was easily more in a state of fear than in any common sense.

lol, The police officer was hesitant to approach the " log dog, or dog log." Even he thought it looked like a curled up dog. I was the one that approached the dog.  Something about two humans lends courage, or so I distract myself with these minimizing internal distinctions. lol

The whole point here, within this experience, shows me the limiting effects of worry and fear. It shows me the extent to which I can have a moment of complete projection, of disconnect, of warping reality. It is that my emotional state was in conflict and unsettled. And that ended up effecting other areas of my life. 

And overall, this same that I was being, is the same thing that is inherent in this contradictory information within the greater society around me. Like the society has a warp, and that warp has anger, and aggressiveness, and righteousness, despite principles being made clear and actions stated that inhibit such activities as being shown to be restrictive and unnecessary. It is a fear of that kind of a situation that was leading me into being separate from the practical reality. In the moment of discovering the log I suddenly noticed the resonant " thing" around me of myself being in reaction to this whole situation. 

I remember being a child and attempting to run away from this. I knew it was building. I sat under a tree and attempted to squeeze it away, and yet at the same time I knew it was building. And I knew it was unacceptable. It was what was in my parents. My parents that I always knew where they were in the house because of that same thing. Like hiding from it.  And within that, watching my mother fade as she died, as her mind consciousness fell away and all memories were lost, that thing, that resonance thing that builds and consumes the flesh. That thing of no real authenticity. I dread having to face such constructions, such internal constructions. And that dread itself inflames the whole situation because at the end of the day, all there is is to stand in that and sort it out. There really is nothing else. And that means facing that projection, that resonant wall of internalized limiting and stagnant belief that hinders perception of the practical reality, and in the case of my issue, the suppression of free and unencumbered speech. 

I am in many ways thankful for the log-dog moment, as it showed me the difference once again. That extent to which we fool ourselves because of what is resonant within us. 

Being up in a projection v. being in fulfillment Day 868

 It is all rather simple, the difference between being grounded and being in a projection. One is a whorl that is the self focused on an entity composed of associations to justifications. A web of limited and stagnating sight. And it looks just like that, no one seeing anyone else, everyone attempting to validate their composition, their survival suit, their construct, their creation. As a creation, it is the hyper-polarization or inflammation of limited values, a distraction, a loss of focus, the absence of real fulfillment. It is a rejection of self and all things. It is separation from being here. It is a rejection of considering all things.

I met a human this week and automatically had the thought that this person was " too far" gone, meaning too much in reaction of responsibility.  And yet, was there a way to get a movement of expression, a movement of expressing longing, a movement of bringing up the sense that things are less than they could be because we all know this on some level. If we didn't then anger and frustration, and restlessness would not exist. Everything is visible and here. We simply suppressed looking because this was the game, or moving through common sense potentially lead our internal monsters ( because that is what separation is ) to come projecting outwards and firing images desperate to be acknowledged. After all, it is just a projection of lesser dense " things." The beast is a resonant beast, one consuming the flesh. 

It means that learning to pull on the strings will take practice, and yet, when in reaction, having internal thoughts such as " this person is too far gone," blocks a practice of at least attempting to align with what is me in another life and moving through the rants of justification, being like a quiet mirroring entity, to follow through and allow some recognition beyond charged pictures projecting in a whorl from the flesh. The irony is that this is what is played with and manipulated by media, and the ed system, and our seemingly ordinary daily conversations. 

I mean, that children are placed in a box to memorize a set body of information, written by victors, changes the whole pace of the movement of a natural state of fulfillment. Like thwarting a focus, like distracting one from the ground as creation as this earth. It is all about how information is layered in the flesh and how one focuses on the totality of this. 

Training wheel systems can be of support, but at the end of the day, that essence of us, is able to move like water and sense the form and function, and the interrupting static as a mind consciousness system and begin to unravel the knots to bring forward our self/flesh. It is all practical in the end. 

What is your practice? 

So much thin-king Day 867

I find myself in thinking more than I realize. Obviously, or I wouldn't be doing it. In contrast, there are those moments when one stops thinking, and suddenly, often through distraction, one sees the beginning and the end - so to speak. Those moments where one sees past a problem spinning around in a mind consciousness rather than in presence of the togetherness of all things, those silver threads that compose all things.  Wisdom, or peace, or certainty, or calm, or a combination of all of these states of being. Perhaps that if the silver threads are visible in a moment, it means one has placed them outside of the self? That veil of thinking being the lines of beliefs whorling around. We live in a atmostfear/atmosphere earth sometimes called the whorled/world.  

These days the " thoughts" are more subtle and seemingly calm. And it appears normal to think through the tasks of the day. And the planning, even within potential emotional scenarios.  This is still excessive thinking. That a point of realizing one is able to direct in a moment, means that thinking about every detail is fear, worry, insecurity, separation. The contrast of those moments when one sees all the sequences of movement necessary to get something done is like reading 1000 words per minute. The worry is like spinning in some image, generating a limited whorl of uncertainties that one is attempting to fathom before the fact.  This is inefficient focus at the end of the day. One has to realize that one is able to process in the moment and act accordingly.  Presence requires considering all things. Real solutions require a consideration of all things. And that requires realizing the togetherness of all things.  And of course, investigation is always necessary. Spinning in thinking is different than investigation. 

What I notice within this process, is that my spiralings are not as intense, they appear more " gentle," which is a deception in itself. They remain as thin-king/spiraling/separation. And meanwhile, I notice that I sense patterns outside of the thinking, which is the point of those moments when one sees the beginning and the end of an endeavor. It is like seeing the steps of putting a puzzle together. That is outside of being in a mind consciousness. It is like standing equal to what is within and what is without and what is above and what is below. It is seeing the physical form, as opposed to ideas about a form. An education system that uses memory to learn builds such states of separation. Direct engagement builds a sense of form and function. Of course that would develop ingenuity, which works against an industrial profit model. 

It exposes the acceptances of a system that both manages thinking, and suppresses a natural sense of the space. The way aging people lose their memories, and even a sense of where they are. It has to do with the degrees of disconnect that appear in many of the " psychological " issues in behavior that appear to accumulate and compound in children today. Are these things all on some continuum? Is that visible, or is it becoming more visible. I mean there are children who can no longer control their bodies and burst out with statements, as though it has become a part of the flesh. And then humans are embarrassed, when this is exposure of the secret mind, or a child speaking of what they see? Or is it a direct expression of a recognition of patterns? As though the child sorted something out loud?  What is visible is how much the ticks are the same in these children. The swaying back and forth an attempt to find some stability within the internal " sins of the fathers " storm of mis-information. Overall, it reveals the abuse of the physical, the abuse of the flesh. The rejection of creation. Everything is visible. Complicating it is more of a whorl of avoidance thin-king.  What is a a mind consciousness but the product of justifications to avoid being responsible? 

And it all appears to be coming from the back of me, somewhere behind me. I remember when I was a child running to a tree, really upset, and yet ashamed, attempting to run away from something following me. I know it is something building within me. I am ashamed and in the realization that the one thing I didn't want to happen is happening. I am becoming that which is in my parents. And there is always this sense of something above me, something nebulous above me. of course I was a child, or was it that I was leaving the physical flesh? Was my running towards the tree an attempt to escape separation? And yet, I didn't have the words to call it that. It was more a "thing " following me. The question is as to why I didn't stand within it and sort it out? After all, that is the only solution.  Crying over spilt milk does nothing. Meaning, continuing to run away,  simply is running away from a problem, which of course perpetuates the problem.  

Continuum Day 866

 The more I engage with people, the more a natural ability to recognize patterns begins to open. Is there a density to a person as what has been built as a resonance within them as their accepted and allowed self defining values? Is the " gap " itself a series of questions that generated the response, and as that, a series of questions leads to the dispersement of that gap from self awareness? 

A personality suit, a series of decisions, leading to a resonant self image, is the stuff of cognitive dissonance is it not? I mean, is not walking time-lines of what one has allowed within the self,  the practice of taking back actions to then bring forward the grace of presence? That without judgment the means to see the imbalances and recognize the solutions? This simplicity is hidden only by a fear of the intensity of a form of cognitive dissonance from this physical practical reality that is the earth here. 

I have met with people who deny one thing and then in the next moment acknowledge that which was denied the moment before.  One woman said to me after a series of questions, " I didn't think of that." Meanwhile, I am standing there realizing I was in a reaction, some frustration and anxiety. The moment this woman said that, I realized the projections of one's resonant belief system are nothing to become frustrated about, or anxious about, as it is all about closing the gap, meaning to find the questions that open reality rather than ideas that everything is alright. 

The actual movements bring one face to face with the reality of there being no problems and only solutions. The time-lines of deception are a thing, a pacifier. And just as with a child addicted to a pacifier, it takes patience and directiveness to move through the mesmerizing projection of held-onto beliefs that lead to limitation which leads to stagnation.  

I make an analogy of listening to a piece of music at some really slow speed, but at the same time that slow speed is moving very fast. Appears to be a contradiction.  If one heard the piece of music performed as it is, one's whole perspective would change. That is what it is like to get through the veil of survival information. Always polarized. So much so that one is able to slow down and see the dividing storm, the projection, the density of an absence of being present with the living earth, with creation. It is all a math. No crystals needed. After all, if we are clinging to a projection, then we are aware of the projection. lol 

And the media is the image and likeness of our own creations of separation.  With the advent of AI, will everyone need to have the most updated app to spew information, and within that, will humans exist as their " bot" arguing with one another?  And will this happen to the point where humans are able to disengage with their " bots " and play hookie, meaning, not even participate in whatever place of work or social interaction their " lives" existed as, as the present system? Will this have the opposite effect of humanity coming back down to earth, spending more time outside with the earth itself? 

On another front, I noticed an agitation come up within me in relation to a topic. I attempted to hold a conversation. The information in this person ranted away, becoming increasingly more intense.  A mind triggered will rant on and on, having no patience for anything but its memorized narratives, with a narrow logic.  I realized this in the moment, and realized that this will probably return. It appears our compartmentalized systems develop their own narratives and as that, justify them, ignoring the overall stabilizing information that has answered to this at other levels. 

I have also noticed that the absence of any form of agitation within myself, as that realization that nothing can define me but what I allow, and the discovery that there are no problems only solutions, means that even within the most dense and intense projection of beliefs, still waters appear to send the delivered message back to the self, as though the absence of anything outside of the self, as self reflects within being present, tends to lead to greater self reflection. Meaning, the reactor sees only what they have expressed. It is like lending a looking glass to the generator, the reactor, the separation.   Children respond to quiet patience really well.  Children respond to a direct focus really well too. There is something about this that matches with having a focus that is unconditional and of presence. Hence, emotional reactions are a continuum, and as that a " formula" and as that something that is visible and able to be dispersed with a series of sequences that expose the construct of separation. 

Patterns and Presence Day 865

 I remember when playing the violin for so many years, that I began to recognize how a person practiced a piece of music. I had a stand partner who during a rapid section of music went into rushing through the notes,  all senses shut off to the surrounding musicians and music. It was like she was going through the motions, and rushing the music in the very way that she had practiced it. It was annoying because she was in her own personal bubble rushing through the section without any focus on anything else.

It is the same and known within music circles that if the performer is thinking, they have not yet reached a level of mastery where thinking is absent. Thinking being that one is still memorizing a form rather than knowing something. 

It is the same with children and their ability to read, and is probably so with all humans, that internal construct that directs their actions. The layers of thinking/experience rather than real knowing, accumulating and revealing where they are at and where they come from.  

Many times with young children, the experiences and movements, as reactions are visible in the process of processing words. I remember working with someone that could barely read. They are an adult in their fifties. I started to read the impulses and asked them if what I described was their childhood. And they agreed. 

It would make sense because if we build a personality suit ourselves through the selections we make, it has to be visible. That part of us that built our own is that same part of us that is bale to read the same in others. Overall, all of this a distraction. It occupies our focus to such an extent we lose sight of what we are, and where we are, and how we are.  

There are humans that can hear the first few words of a novel, and recognize the writer. After all, it is a math, one of many dimensions. 

I have asked many people if they remember talking to anything as children. Many have responded. Someone said birds, another fish, another trees, another sand. After all, are not these things a math too? And that is a focus on the living world, as opposed to the shadow world of personalities. That which adheres to an industrialized consumerist system, a top down system. The opposite of life. I mean, look at the cells of our bodies. They are differentiated and yet one. There are no followers and no leaders. There is only a sense of parts working together. Silver threads all of the togetherness of all things. 

Hence, why fear a mind consciousness? Why fear a personality suit? Why be paranoid of such when the practical is always here in plain sight? And if one asks questions and receives a reaction, a running away, then one knows where one is at in relation to facing a focus lost in a layered " set body of information." 

And that point of triggering that one should look, has protections in place to avoid the unsettling feeling of fear. And here is a consequence of separation from the knowing of differentiation coupled with each different structure being aware of all other structures that compose and generate life itself as creation.  One is able to hear the composition. One has to walk out of the rejection of hearing here. 

There is always a visible tension and racing, and agitation in a reaction. When one listens, and has the desire to stop playing the personality game, a movement happens where the person steps forth and comes towards one, the speaker attempting to disperse the veil of personality. Some react and tense up and some step forward. And this varies by degree. Some play peek-a-boo. I have yet to direct through that scenario. lol 

I suppose the question is as to what degree one triggers the personality suit to the extent one is like a mirror, where the ranting personality hears only itself, like imagery bouncing back onto a person, where they catch a glimpse of their deception, their separation from who they really are. 

Our personalities have become a form of industrialization of mankind. " Pick a suit and play the game, even though the earth is burning."  At death that suit falls away, and memory is lost. An older person speaks with mixed-up past events, as though that personality suit is fractionalizing, as there is no longer enough of the real life substance available to continue the selective narratives. Those same narratives that were repeated again and again just before death. And then the anger and the restlessness. I suppose a loss of one's personality suit has a slow decline and then with hindsight it is more visible. Today, according to some research in aging, basically everyone has dementia. I asked many of my friends about their experience with their aging parents and the patterns are all the same. Though many think they have reconciliation at the end of the death process. What has happened is a more innocent presence comes forward, one that is more agreeable. I wonder if the absence of the anger and the narratives generates an agreeable fool, one that nods their head in a more gentle state, and that has the personality of the grown children feel like the aging parent is finally listening to them. Little do they realize it is the exact opposite. Perhaps there is some vestige of humanity, and the personality absent parent appears at peace. It is the absence of reaction that appears to be a final forgiveness. Too many have said they reconciled at the end. And then they say their parents are with them from the afterlife. This is more personality suit generations. And that is all. 

Hence, the patterns of our separation are all around us. And meanwhile, the togetherness of all things is there, like a current running through everything. 

It is like there is a front and a back system, and yet the front system of separation is at the back in the flesh and the natural presence that is behind the personality is in the front. 

The thin-king of thinking, and the curiosity of wanting to know why certain choices were made. Day 864

I have a headache, it has come forward here and there in the past few days.. or couple of weeks. 

I get a glimpse of this " form" in my body and sense the confines of it. It is usually that habit of thinking something through, where I see myself curious about some action or choice, or in an attempt to understand why someone behaved the way that they did. 

Am I using the " sixth sense'? That reflecting sense, that pattern sensing sense? That sense where one stands back and sensing the form? Something one uses when one reaches out into the space because there is an emotional friction about something and nothing within appears to fit that friction? Is that same 6th sense able to sense the history of old wood? Is that what mice use? Like those animal whisperers who sense the immediate past where an animal has walked, those that read trails and stalk animals. That imprint left on the ground. 

Are we enclosed in a very very narrow focus on an internal idol of information, all the while our sixth sense, our presence is able to sense what is all around us, and the stories of movement on earth? Is that why aging has become a shrinking and compression? That appeared to happen to my mother. I remember noticing a change in my parents over the years, something was happening to them. And it was a form of compression. A hardening. 

Then I find myself going through my whole internal filing system, to find a pattern and realize a motivation for a behavior. This exacerbates the headache. It is as though my headache is beginning to show me my habits. And the system inculcates such habits. Thomas Paine makes a note about accepting something one knows is out of whack will make that acceptance of a mis-take normal. Then outcry against the habit happens. Time eventually uncovers the false movement.  A third grader would probably understand that more than an entrenched adult.

When my mother moved through her death process, she lost memory, and she became more like a child. Like she was listening to directions more, wanting direction.  As though she was emptying out, and as that the " innocence" grew and she listened more.  At one point I said that perhaps it was time to let go. Using the filler " perhaps" because I believed it would dampen the suggestion.  My mother did listen, her quiet rather than a reaction was telling. I was surprised. Often, when I am surprised I am rendered dumb, meaning I don't speak because my assumption, a fear and as such hyper-inflated,  takes time to process, thereby rendering me dumb. lol

This happened with my father too when he suddenly acknowledge what an internal system of separation rendered one as one's behavior. He also started to share more experiences from his childhood. My mother never came to that point. 

The headache, let's get back to that. 

It has tentacles down into my leg - so to speak.  Within this, I find I am rejecting all the flow of information on the web. it seems an endless spin. A busy-ness that spirals around and around and around. It appears that answering to the spin pulls one into the spin. And the push back of and as reaction. Seemingly endless. It begs the question as to whether a projection of lesser manifestation has any real continuity? And that it goes nowhere. Here, the practical has been helpful, as it cuts away excessive worry, which is fear. Is this a practice that is how one gradually grounds one's self in the common sense of what is here? There definition of wisdom is to use knowledge, experience, common sense and discernment.  Embrace all of it, and sort it out.  Just like clearing a house, or learning to ride a bike. 

When I find myself wondering, or wandering in wondering, I stop.  Just like having read so many novels, the whole was revealed in the first sentence, which must be a thing because people are known to recognize a novel from hearing the first five words. That is sensing patterns, sensing a signature, and a signature has a pattern. 

When I recognize the spin, I breath, I sense my body and stop the habituated curiosity to " decode" the spiraling entity. That seems to shift the headache.  After all, at the end of the day, has one used creation, one's nature as creation, to build an image about something, rather than a connection with what is most real? 

Day 863 Working on perfecting connection and how the past reflects the difference.

I realize that I am living in the past, and that this living in the past has shame and guilt and a sense of a loss of myself as life.

I realize this within reviewing the raising of my children, while they are no longer in the home and off in the world doing their own things, for which I am grateful as they appear to be holding their own.

This period of sudden review, within the recognition of my past focus on the children being something that basically consumed my attention, is reverberating within me.

There is a sense of loss, and yet, I realize that all sense of loss is a sense of loss of self. Somehow, within this “ review” that is the real underlying issue. I talked with another mother recently and she acknowledge that when there is any degree of friction between herself and her now adult child, it hits deep. Behind that is guilt and shame. I mean why feel these things, or have these thoughts and movements coming up if things were in an order that brought one joy instead of guilt and shame in relation to past roles played and experienced?

Despite understanding that my emotions and feelings are of energy and thus of polarized belief systems as a system of default to survive, the movements within hold pictures and somewhat unclear amorphous memories about the past, as those movements lived that perhaps were in a dream instead of being present and equal to who and what I am in this life on this physical planet. 

One of the things I remember, are a couple of years of stress in relation to raising my children. The worry about forming them to the extent they became adults that could self direct and remain happy within that ability. 

One memory is of the joy inherent in my first child. A joy that I am not sure remains but in tiny moments within this child’s life. I know this remains within them, yet I am also aware that this was placed on the side in order to ensure, based on beliefs, that this child would survive in this present spider-web system superimposed on this earth as a system of value judgements instead of focusing on the real value that is this life that is all the things of this earth, as creation manifest.

The present systems are simply a manifestation of what humans have accepted and allowed. A system that ignores the practical living physical reality that is a fabric of flesh and tissues that can respond with abundance were this considered to be of value in totality. And yet, ideas, that are of limitation, are valued more than all things. This becomes more evident in how the education system is one that uses imagination instead of real living connection with the very fabric of the reality that is here all around us. I mean, we use resources to fabricate florescent lights in a box, to then force feed a narrative via memory into our children. Is it not blatantly obvious that we are shutting down the senses and overusing imagination? We then walk through our lives living in a resonant bubble, separate from who and what we are. It is a simple mis-take, one that indoctrinates humans to serve a slave master, evident in the gross inequality existent on earth today.  We have a large spider in the room, as an analogy here, that has clocked life in a thin web and we believe that web is reality. It is a thing of consumption that has no regard for life. And why? Because a mirage did not want to die, or accept what is reality. 

My experiences of late, help me to realize that connection with others requires physical proximity. Somehow in such a measure, one is more able to listen to the other person, and take the time to find common ground to them and open up and bring forward one’s unique expression, which if developed would help each one to self realize who and what they are. Thus, it makes sense that a system of separation and as such a default of life, would move to ensure that humans have as little contact with one another as possible. It is a system of suppression of the innate senses of the human, the senses reading what is here a the physical and building better intentions that then direct the human to make choices that are of greater benefit to that person’s life. Or, one could say, the more humans connect in ways that lack stress, the more what I call the spider - web is exposed. 

In a recent meeting, I could listen to another person talk and at the same time look more at the tensions in their physical body, especially around the mouth. I even talked about this. I was more able to look that in the face, and see that in myself and not be as moved by it as I was before. In a way, it is being afraid of a ghost in the machine, a past, an event that is no longer what is here in the moment. I could see the same constrictions within myself, and the relationship of this to my children. 

It is a deep sorrow, which is a sadness which in itself exposes a default system, followed instead of resolved. I would say it was not one way, as I realize the mind has this tendency to turn things into absolutes, thus I can go down the rabbit hole of this and realize it is not ONLY what was lived. And, that it need not define who and what I am in this moment here. I can hold the regret and be here, and make choices here in this moment, that are not the same movement as that which built that inner sinking and constrictive movement within me. 

I feels like trying to change a direction while there is still that heavy movement within myself. Most likely, there is some memory I continue to avoid. And/or, it is something that is working itself out over time, as this is the way of recognition ability and realizing actions that would cause no lingering weight. It sometimes appears as this striated thing going on within me. Some things are more clear and yet, there remain webs of unclarified past events. 

To some extent I feel that this is mirrored in the present events happening on earth. It appears that agents of change are moving while the past remains performing its contracts, refusing to realize that something different is in effect possible. 

It is fascinating, because my body mirrors this in other ways too. My one foot is inflamed and red, it is a layer of skin more than the bone or some inner tissue. Like I am walking in the spider webs but have some clarity in other movements. 

I also looked at and walked through a memory from middle school. And yet that memory kept coming back. Yesterday, I realized it was a moment within then memory that brought the memory back again. In that memory I was walking down a hall way, wearing my first pair of then popular platform shoes. I suddenly realized that no one really noticed, and that my choice was driven by some idea in my head and as such was a false promise. Then I had to look at the behaviors as a reaction to the other extreme to never do that again. But that was not the point, the point was that in that moment I was more in a state where I looked at the whole and the moving parts. I realized no one was really noticing, which from one perspective was cool, because shame also came up in that moment, but also that overall, this was sad. It was sad because everyone else was walking around in the same performance like state that was I ! No one was really paying attention to anyone else! 

To come full circle here, this is really about an issue that I have been working on, which is within the word, connection. How does one fully connect with others? I suppose I answered my own question earlier in this post. One slows way down and communicates until a state of calm comes forward, and a sense of what is unique in the other is realized, somewhat like having a clear definition of a word, where that word stabilizes rather than triggers confusion, protection and reaction. 

A child would be able to do this more readily, and that existed before the personalities of sorrow or sadness came to define me in a moment of review. From this point forward, that would mean the focus of myself would be to make those kinds of connections and, as happens, in the next moments when saying farewell and the personalities bounce back, to not react in any way, because one connection was made and that can have an enduring effect overall. Thus, this is a 1+1 movement that will grow, as in the law of compounding effects, this will become what defines life here on earth. And thus, I walk and practice making connections until the focus of our innate expressions of and as life become in sync with life here.