Day 863 Working on perfecting connection and how the past reflects the difference.

I realize that I am living in the past, and that this living in the past has shame and guilt and a sense of a loss of myself as life.

I realize this within reviewing the raising of my children, while they are no longer in the home and off in the world doing their own things, for which I am grateful as they appear to be holding their own.

This period of sudden review, within the recognition of my past focus on the children being something that basically consumed my attention, is reverberating within me.

There is a sense of loss, and yet, I realize that all sense of loss is a sense of loss of self. Somehow, within this “ review” that is the real underlying issue. I talked with another mother recently and she acknowledge that when there is any degree of friction between herself and her now adult child, it hits deep. Behind that is guilt and shame. I mean why feel these things, or have these thoughts and movements coming up if things were in an order that brought one joy instead of guilt and shame in relation to past roles played and experienced?

Despite understanding that my emotions and feelings are of energy and thus of polarized belief systems as a system of default to survive, the movements within hold pictures and somewhat unclear amorphous memories about the past, as those movements lived that perhaps were in a dream instead of being present and equal to who and what I am in this life on this physical planet. 

One of the things I remember, are a couple of years of stress in relation to raising my children. The worry about forming them to the extent they became adults that could self direct and remain happy within that ability. 

One memory is of the joy inherent in my first child. A joy that I am not sure remains but in tiny moments within this child’s life. I know this remains within them, yet I am also aware that this was placed on the side in order to ensure, based on beliefs, that this child would survive in this present spider-web system superimposed on this earth as a system of value judgements instead of focusing on the real value that is this life that is all the things of this earth, as creation manifest.

The present systems are simply a manifestation of what humans have accepted and allowed. A system that ignores the practical living physical reality that is a fabric of flesh and tissues that can respond with abundance were this considered to be of value in totality. And yet, ideas, that are of limitation, are valued more than all things. This becomes more evident in how the education system is one that uses imagination instead of real living connection with the very fabric of the reality that is here all around us. I mean, we use resources to fabricate florescent lights in a box, to then force feed a narrative via memory into our children. Is it not blatantly obvious that we are shutting down the senses and overusing imagination? We then walk through our lives living in a resonant bubble, separate from who and what we are. It is a simple mis-take, one that indoctrinates humans to serve a slave master, evident in the gross inequality existent on earth today.  We have a large spider in the room, as an analogy here, that has clocked life in a thin web and we believe that web is reality. It is a thing of consumption that has no regard for life. And why? Because a mirage did not want to die, or accept what is reality. 

My experiences of late, help me to realize that connection with others requires physical proximity. Somehow in such a measure, one is more able to listen to the other person, and take the time to find common ground to them and open up and bring forward one’s unique expression, which if developed would help each one to self realize who and what they are. Thus, it makes sense that a system of separation and as such a default of life, would move to ensure that humans have as little contact with one another as possible. It is a system of suppression of the innate senses of the human, the senses reading what is here a the physical and building better intentions that then direct the human to make choices that are of greater benefit to that person’s life. Or, one could say, the more humans connect in ways that lack stress, the more what I call the spider - web is exposed. 

In a recent meeting, I could listen to another person talk and at the same time look more at the tensions in their physical body, especially around the mouth. I even talked about this. I was more able to look that in the face, and see that in myself and not be as moved by it as I was before. In a way, it is being afraid of a ghost in the machine, a past, an event that is no longer what is here in the moment. I could see the same constrictions within myself, and the relationship of this to my children. 

It is a deep sorrow, which is a sadness which in itself exposes a default system, followed instead of resolved. I would say it was not one way, as I realize the mind has this tendency to turn things into absolutes, thus I can go down the rabbit hole of this and realize it is not ONLY what was lived. And, that it need not define who and what I am in this moment here. I can hold the regret and be here, and make choices here in this moment, that are not the same movement as that which built that inner sinking and constrictive movement within me. 

I feels like trying to change a direction while there is still that heavy movement within myself. Most likely, there is some memory I continue to avoid. And/or, it is something that is working itself out over time, as this is the way of recognition ability and realizing actions that would cause no lingering weight. It sometimes appears as this striated thing going on within me. Some things are more clear and yet, there remain webs of unclarified past events. 

To some extent I feel that this is mirrored in the present events happening on earth. It appears that agents of change are moving while the past remains performing its contracts, refusing to realize that something different is in effect possible. 

It is fascinating, because my body mirrors this in other ways too. My one foot is inflamed and red, it is a layer of skin more than the bone or some inner tissue. Like I am walking in the spider webs but have some clarity in other movements. 

I also looked at and walked through a memory from middle school. And yet that memory kept coming back. Yesterday, I realized it was a moment within then memory that brought the memory back again. In that memory I was walking down a hall way, wearing my first pair of then popular platform shoes. I suddenly realized that no one really noticed, and that my choice was driven by some idea in my head and as such was a false promise. Then I had to look at the behaviors as a reaction to the other extreme to never do that again. But that was not the point, the point was that in that moment I was more in a state where I looked at the whole and the moving parts. I realized no one was really noticing, which from one perspective was cool, because shame also came up in that moment, but also that overall, this was sad. It was sad because everyone else was walking around in the same performance like state that was I ! No one was really paying attention to anyone else! 

To come full circle here, this is really about an issue that I have been working on, which is within the word, connection. How does one fully connect with others? I suppose I answered my own question earlier in this post. One slows way down and communicates until a state of calm comes forward, and a sense of what is unique in the other is realized, somewhat like having a clear definition of a word, where that word stabilizes rather than triggers confusion, protection and reaction. 

A child would be able to do this more readily, and that existed before the personalities of sorrow or sadness came to define me in a moment of review. From this point forward, that would mean the focus of myself would be to make those kinds of connections and, as happens, in the next moments when saying farewell and the personalities bounce back, to not react in any way, because one connection was made and that can have an enduring effect overall. Thus, this is a 1+1 movement that will grow, as in the law of compounding effects, this will become what defines life here on earth. And thus, I walk and practice making connections until the focus of our innate expressions of and as life become in sync with life here.

Day 830 A reaction from within me to insistence

Yesterday, early in the day, during a conversation, suddenly this rain of reaction poured down within me, through the middle of me. It was sudden, in appearance, yet, there is space between events , and therefore,  somewhere there is a beginning and an end. That is the rule of creation.  This means, though I have looked at this over time, as the space of me here, as these reactions,  and though it is not as overwhelming, meaning, I realize the movement of reaction just as in this description, in a moment, that reign, as rain of emotion moved through me, down through the middle of my physical body.  I was “ awestruck” for a moment, like WOW! What I have worked on is HERE. This brought forward questions. I asked myself, where and how was I building this, what is not yet clear, what was the trigger, where did I react, what was the more automatic reaction, where did I begin to live an automatic fear etc. etc. 

lol, I as well, have a sense of not wanting to go back and find what appears to be a minute movement! This in itself is an indication that the running within me as me, wants to continue, and/or, there is some buried desire/fear I am not yet clear on. It also has to do with being the patience to walk something into a well understood correction. Could it also be that “ quick-fix” in the pace of this world, appearing normal, when the normal is what is abnormal and what is abnormal is normal? 

What I remember is what I call an insistence. Meaning, something that has an insistent quality to it. I relate this to my experience within working with the male of the human species. I noticed in time as my life, that men, the male, can have this intense agitated quality to their behavior. For me, it was like, “ what is that?!” That is a thing. A state turns an action into a noun after all.  That “ state of agitation” can also be this slow seemingly calm and quiet state of the passive aggressive behavior found in some women. It appears like this impenetrable force, that in non-movement is like a slippery fish. Yet, that agitated state is also much like a slippery fish. This is a practiced thing, a developed state. It is as psychologists said to me after being married for 9 years and 11 months. My husband committing suicide was built within him for years, - 10 years of marriage was not enough time to have built that. And this, even within myself knowing this was in him, but being so unfamiliar with such a choice, and being so caught in my own programming, I was sensing what I could not name, or because of my own resonant information, avoided naming. Well, I did name it, yet when I spoke of it, I was told I was negative. lol, when a man tells me I am crazy, that emotional agitation is present. As logistical fallacies reveal, the moment a person becomes emotional they have already lost the argument. This is something people responding in an emotional way, do not want to hear. We don’t get angry when someone tells a lie, we get angry when someone tells the truth. Perhaps this previous statement is also a lie in some sense. Why, because we can move mountains as humans, thus, it is not so much what someone says, it is also how it is said. Any subtle emotion in a voice, even when speaking clearly, as calling something out by name, can feed agitation or stubborn passive firewalls- which are programs of belief, a resonant form appearing invisible, yet is visible because standing outside of being emotional means being able to call something out by name, with an emotional voice, or without the emotion outside of the voice! This in itself, though of “ reason” indicates the existence of acknowledgement of movement/expression.  Water remains water, yet the ripples are visible. Movement is visible within creation. That “ invisible “ wall is visible.  The consequences of a mis-use of freely given resources is visible. It causes harm to other sentient beings. And, it is not the elite that hold the present system in place, it is the followers, the employees. It is those who abdicate self responsibility. It is us. The power we have as the numbers of is, is so great, we could create an earth where everyone can live like a millionaire! 

Thus, in that moment I within myself, sensed that emotional wave sweep down though the middle of me, I stopped. I realized I was experiencing what I call an intense insistence as information being expressed in my environment. I have faced this so much. With a panel, with individuals. I realize I have a paranoia of this wall, of this “ wave.” The first time I called something like this a “ wall” was in 2002. I remember walking down a hallway, in a school and feeling/thinking there was suddenly this “ wall” present. I ask myself what question lead to this question as a way to review the steps taken to get to where I am. It has to do with asking myself, as I stood in another and different hallway, asking myself what it was about the “ words.” It was something about the words. it was 2000. I knew I was not reaching my husband in some way. 

lol, I just realized that in some way, I am showing a point I repeat again and again and again. And it is facing that which I call “ insistent” agitation or passive aggressive behavior. In a way, that passive aggressive behavior is “ of “ an agitation too! I sometimes realize that I choose to study music because it was a way to get away from words, a way to avoid language, a way to do something that was “ pure” in and of itself. Or so I believed. 

It is a form of running from something, avoiding something. It is believing something is impossible. And, despite that perhaps to some extent I realize the nature and quality of that from which I run, or that which I avoid, or that which I no-longer-want-to-deal-with, or, want a quick-fix for, what happened yesterday, in the morning, is an indicator that it is not YET clear. It also is cool, because the overall movement was in itself more visible. Thus, I can realize as continue walking, to understand how that reactive movement within me was built/formed/grown and understand when I begin to react as a state of sensing that agitation, that insistence, to, as in sales, address the limitations BEFORE they come up- which has a quality of addressing resistances that is what composes that built agitation or intense “ insistence! And, at the same time, not be so hard on myself, when I fall prey to that. Or, be grateful for what and who I am here, in this life, as this is walked as much as I am able, sharing this, because what i realize is that so many realize the same things, thus sharing is caring, because as we all speak the walking of coming out of a suppression of ourselves as life, which is the only choice, we help one another to remain more stable within this process! I mean, that is awesome! 

Looking back, as assessing that moment, and writing here, What I immediately saw for a moment, was how what I would call a “ darkness’ was forming behind me. That is a form of resistance as protection. There is anger within that. Anger is fear. And yet, at the same time, this reaction is a recognition! So, this begs the question and reveals the sentient nature of me as life here! Meaning, this reaction as me, which I allow, recognized a movement in my environment, and most probably did not YET understand how to address that, and was cautious of it. 

What I realized within reflection of this moment, yesterday, is a deep seeded fear. It is raw, it is like an abject terror. ( what does “ abject” mean? That was an automated response using that word! …. …” present to the maximum degree.” “ … “ completely without ( self) pride or dignity, self abasing .” )  YES, it is like a moment where I move into fear, into resistance, into non-looking, into “ desire,” into self abdication,” into NON-LOOKING! And, coupled with this, under that fear, is some frustration. It is  not YET knowing how to address a wall! There is a small sense of seeing outside of the wall, that sense of somehow ( lol “ sum” and “ how” - we speak solutions while speaking problems - this is the power of WORDS! they are DWORS, as doors, they frame! We can only speak our experience; vocabulary comes BEFORE achievement! Such is the beauty of LIFE! Always GIVING!) In other words, in this memory, as a state of remembering this movement more towards its inception, where I sensed but did not have the words to match the ways and means of what I faced, yet sensed a disturbance in the life around me! 

The wall is a bully. It is insistent. Yet, behind that is that presence which asks the question. Thus, when I sense this “ black” cloud building, it is a signal that I am moving into a automated behavior as reaction to my environment. I feel threatened, probably from practice, by what is here, as what is being expressed, as the sum and the how in my immediate environment. I have used one method to at least not become reactive, even though I know not YET where to go. I ask myself, and this is from experience, “ where is the grace?” “ where is the calm?”  From experience, I realize NOTHING can touch me unless I allow it.  I used to say to people, “ I will get hurt but so will you.” or “ You just told me more about you than anything else.” lol, both statements can really stop a person in their tracks! It shuts them up. lol- not an answer yet revealing of something else I tend towards. Buying time, meaning in a process of elimination, holding back from making a decision because going “ there” or “ there” is not the place to go. I supposed this is an unconscious recognition of a wall, without naming it outright because ultimately one must look at SELF’s acceptances and allowances. In other words, I did not want to look at how I had become that with I hate, and as suppressing a natural sentience. Meaning, realizing that that state of what I call “ intense insistence” both in passive and aggressive movement/expression I was avoiding as not addressing because of being in a deep fear of it, based on past experience, and most probably as that of a child that did not yet have the words, as language to communicate. And, within this, this must be forgiven, because blame and spite is more of the same, a reaction instead of real responsibility. 

As far as I go with this today… I realized yesterday in that moment, having looked at my own ripples through a process of looking at my own emotional vortex creating my own personified firewall, because this is all this can be, and is visible, because we are all suppressing as hiding our creations as not looking at what is here, thus, this is visible if we make the decision to stand one and equal to life here.  I have recently read in a book that the present system was developed by a man with the last name Taylor. Thus what is here was called Taylorism! ( the present system is really an alignment with the acceptances and allowances of the human race- thus we are all responsible for what exists)  This Taylor, was the grandfather of John Taylor Gato! Gato, also writes about the construction of this system and how it fractionalizes through reason, through ratio “ giving” as our present education system, where we are “ taught” to do repeated tasks, as specializing to remain in boxes, abdicating our responsibility as life, meaning we shut down looking at the whole and the parts, we accept such a system, a system that is a system of separation from a natural and normal sentience as life as who and what we really are, AND the only choice. We, as individuals, must make the decision to CHOOSE if we want to get this world in order.  The vortex, spinning around, coming outside from within the eyes, being projected outward is visible. One must simple acknowledge what one is doing, just as I must acknowledge this “ black” cloud entity building that which then reigns my behaviors, as rains down through me, as this is not me creating, this is me reacting.  This is not an ease of and as real expression coming from me, most probably coming from my heart. I shut down my heart as that behavior of reactions as protection as thoughts, as ideas, and beliefs, and opinions, as protections. Instead of facing the “somehow,” the sum and the how, of that insistence, as what I call this at this moment , I reject looking. Perhaps, in moments, as a child, I also attempted to address this in various ways and means. I am sure many have, and we can remember. In moments we see through the cracks, as that part of me that asks the kinds of questions I ask, that were most likely of small moments before the reactive behavior, I allowed, took precedence of self as life, those moments are also there!  The grace and the calm, it is always there. It may be tiny and buried under  a huge emotional construct, but it is there. No one can bring that forward but the self. 

I will continue to look at this “ event” from yesterday. I commit myself to walking back through this to realize the construction of my own demise! I will look at desire too. To desire something, even if that something is not what is best, can have some quality of FINALLY looking at what is here, because the desire in itself, right or wrong, is enough to face what is here even if as manipulation! Therefore, as this appears in this moment, to be a movement more through my heart, the difference within this, may reveal what is not YET as clear as it can be. 

Thank you for reading! 

Day 814 Polished Hype

Polished Hype

I begin to realize how things are like a piece of music, a form. Something has volume, composed of relationships of interaction. Some can be of an elevated story of information that causes conflict, discord and destruction to parts of the reality on which that form with its multiple volumes rests. The means is a hyperinflation of some qualities that like a wall, or a wave, of and as a form, ignores the consequences as the effects on all that surrounds that metaphysical hype to the extent what is real is rendered invisible. One can hear this in the very words a person uses, as the very song they sing, as what is brought forward to describe in the storied relationships composed into a picture from the glyphs that are words. 

I have spent some time with a person who has had little education. A very capable person. This person has learned to work more with their hands, and has mastered some basic understanding of  simple mechanics. When they come and tell me a story, it takes a lone time for them to frame the picture of their story, as they describe the story through the many actions as the interplay of others involved in the outcomes that caused the conflict that became the story told. 

It is somewhat like hearing a piece of music that has a lot of drawn out embellishment. Like starting at the variations instead of hearing the theme. It is of coming from the attenuation of a theme. The emotional hype, that emotional reaction, is so inflamed to get the whole story means to listen past all the emotional response, the reactions inside the bubble, that in itself is blinging that hype from catching its own theme. It is probably difficult to hold opposing values within one’s self in such drawn out emotions, that this behavior in itself would be difficult to catch. The junctions of reflection are processing huge blown-out-of-proportion reactive values, that the storm of this is rendered invisible. One is existing within a time-lapse. One is out-of-synch with reality because one’s focus has made a drama larger than reality. It is to say one no longer sees the horizon. 

What is really interesting, is that this person appears, and as though I am looking at a piece of music composed of varying pressures, and of moving colors, like a ring around the person, which I likened to the rings of Saturn. Perhaps, because I have learned to read my own shadows of belief, in slowing down to realize the moving eddies of volume and color, that can be extremely subtle within me, that from that living experience within myself, this same is more recognizable in others. Perhaps it is because I was around paint and the use of color, and the use of words, in my early years, because my mother was a painter and my father was a journalist, thus I am a product of my environment. And I studied music. It somehow all comes together that I would end up noticing the whirling eddies of color in a person coming to me with their problems, telling me long drawn out stories through the mode of “ he said, she said.” 

Recently this person appeared with the latest outcome of a situation this person is living out. The moment they walked in the room, what I saw was a swirling ring of a muddy color around them, like a volume in space, a presence of something around them, emanating from them. I realized immediately that they were angry. What is most interesting is that they were acting more happy than usual. I have to say, that being in fear, that being in a state of protection and defense of one’s self would cause one to not be able to see this. If one is so focused on one’s own protections, this would not be visible. And, that seeing this, to a greater degree, is what is normal. Not seeing this is insanity. Herein lies the problem. What is normal, what has become normal, is not normal. We are a society that has come to normalize polished hype. The expense of that is an ever greater weakening of the very trees around us that emit the air we need to maintain that polished hype. That is the irony. 

I had another client that exhibited a pattern, that I needed time to realize myself. They had a younger child who I noticed was extremely engrossed in their imagination. The older daughter had become obsessed with ordering things, I didn't see it at first, but then realized, because of the potential of the human physical body to read the self created muse within, and its relationships of cause and effect without, that the older daughter was the response to the earlier state of an overuse of the imagination. The proverbial pendulum was swinging in the other direction, in response to the child realizing that she needed to come back down to earth and order the things that were here, instead of living the consequences of an overblown imagination. Listening to such measure, to the metrics in the space unfolded a pattern. What inhibited myself from realizing such sooner, was, like a television jumping frames, my own protection mechanisms, probably to ignore all of this, causing resistances to the real song happening in my environment, the volume of which is very very loud when one slows down and begins to look without interjecting one’s own self inner rest. 

I brought up a memory from my childhood, one that I have replayed through the years. It is one of those lived experiences as opposed to knowledge and information only. Yet, those experiences that one has lived, they do not go away. And the mind will scream them, because the mind must scream its experiences, which is why someone will reveal themselves to others, because we can only communicate what we experience. If we practice resistance to looking here, then this will be in the very words we speak. It is always, in all ways visible. Self interest would have an ignorance to this, as I said. 

Thus in this childhood memory, that appears and has this greater detail to it, I am younger than second grade. I am running up to a tree, for some kind of solace. I am aware that there is something following me. While I want to run away, I am also aware that I cannot run away from that which I believe is following me. I sit at the base of the tree and curl up in pure reaction. I have the thought that now this that is following me, will have to move through me, and that I can blame no one but myself. I built it, I played the game, and now the actions that I took are a picture  within me, and must be processed through my body. I just sit there, angry at myself, not wanting to look at this. That is the extent of the memory. Most probably, that which I ran from, that which I had practiced, that which was not yet in total direction of me, came back to rest with me, and I went outside of what was more normal, which was to be on that ground, under that tree, aware of the resonant construction that reflected my accepted actions, and started to become what directed me to the extent I cannot remember the next moment. 

I have come across descriptions of people realizing that they have an inner back chat as voices within, as sounds within, as images which are of sound, within, that appear to haunt them. This sounds just like my reaction to my own shadow I created. I feared that paranormal entity and yet, recognized it as such, and as something that I allowed. I feared facing that. And, just as in nightmares, the imagery of that self created shadow, come up as horror movies because it is a state of separation from reality, to the extent that one knows what one has done. Perhaps, from some scales of something, the combination of exposures and my own inclinations, lead me to see through a crack for a moment, of which every person must have within them in their own unique way. This has to exist. This gap, this jump from real presence and the resonant storm, can be realized. One has to reverse the state of resistance to looking and to being what is natural and normal, as a polished hype is not normal. 

When someone says to me they are intimidated by me, what they are really saying is that they are intimidated by what I am suggesting is happening within themselves, which of course they would be, given the storm of horror, resonant within that one will open up should one make the decision to deconstruct a resonant construct of composed ignorance, as building up defense systems that resist seeing reality, because playing a video game of a limited morality to survive in that that has become prominent, was not something easy to navigate for a small child not yet accustomed to the code, as words, used to express either parts of reality, or the whole story. And, this is why, this state of separation through illusion, must be forgiven. Humans will find happiness in removing their ignorance or releasing the tension of suppressing a natural insight-ability, because that ignorance is a polished hype causing a state of separation from being what is by that same system of separation considered to be abnormal, which ironically the real “normal.”  Go figure and see this for yourself. Breath, slow down and listen to the music around YOU.

Another way to say this is to realize that one cannot clearly see the more complex if one has not mastered the small. The small is the manipulation of sound. For humans that is words. We master our words, the small, and we can unfold what is normal. The more complex cannot be mastered until one understands the small well enough to see its music, or form, or construction with an ease that creates a confidence in practice that allows one to face the unexpected, because the unexpected is always here, as this is the risk of creation, just as learning to walk has risk as one builds awareness into what one is in total, as one’s form and function. 

Overall, the creative ability mis-used to build an inner entity of separation, done through suppression, where one’s greatest strength becomes one’s greatest weakness, shows immense capacity, though mis-placed. That is an irony in itself. Within this, imagine synchronizing back into what is by this present system considered,  touted incessantly, as being abnormal, that is a real “ normal”? It is the castle forcing a false economy that dictates the narrative of the “ good” fairy and the “ wicked” witch. It is the castle of an ignorance of physical and practical reality, as creation, that polarizes through ad hominem and hyperbole.  It is the castle that superimposes expectations through statistics worked out on paper in isolation from reality, and who suppress evidence of causation under the guise of business models too big to fail and an idea that such creates economy- a false premise, or promise, at its inception.  Imagine, for a moment what being in respect of all things would lend within a nature of the self as being of the very substance of creation? At the same time,  look towards removing the defenses to realize the defenses to the extent each helps one another come back down to earth, to bring these entities that are believed to be a “ heaven” back down to earth to exist within harmony here with creation manifest as the physical? I have noticed through this life, that the very nature around me, is, as I said to myself, like a composition of all things coming together, as though all of creation is here, as this earth. This, being a moment of reflection most probably done in a state of calm, of being open as lacking in being caught in a state of fear or ONLY seeing  consequences of fear, as protections and defenses, that are really suppressions and self enforced ignorance, or selective values being made larger than the metric of creation that is the physical. We all know this, because it is so heavily in our face! It is felt in our bodies. It is composed and forcibly heald/held in place as a form of polished hype. 

We become what we practice. It is the persistence in the small that leads to what we create. 

Fear clashing with assumption A perfect storm Day 811

Fear clashing with assumption, a perfect storm.

What does the word assumption mean. If I immediately look at the word, I see the words a-ssump-tion. It has the sound “ a sum.” Thus, I liken this word to a sum of parts, or a sum of experiences or skills and/or beliefs. Fear on the other hand, is a lack of purity, or a state of insecurity, an inability to HOLD something and sort it out. It is like waking up in a foreign country where customs and language are very different from one’s own sum of experiences, or measure within, to find one’s self unable to communicate, to interact, to move as one’s habituated self, or unable to process what one is/was and interact with the new SUM of the world one suddenly finds one’s self within.  It is also similar to having to learn something under pressure where a fear of failure is ever present as a belief . Either scenario potentially leading to an unsettling or unnerving sensation that can also be likened to an imbalance much like vertigo. One can become lost in the storm of doing the sums of self and transferring that into the sums of the new environment or processing and integrating new forms. A feeling of vertigo can happen as one moves into deconstruction of a habit into the new. An entrenched self directive means can appear to be losing something as what one has defined one’s self as, into the new.  That space can appear to be a loss. The same can happen in learning a new piece of music. The smallest formations of notes appearing to be difficult to grasp. It is a loss of fluidity, telling of a degree of automation. 

When fear meets assumption, can the two effectively communicate? It would take time and patience for this to move into clarity. If one moves into resistance and reaction, it will take even longer. One can become pro=active in defending one’s self definition, habituated and entrenched.  If one moves from the problem into reaction and then attempts to address the reaction only instead of realizing the overall problem, a sorting out of the two is going to take even longer. One is in protection of a resonant template of experience and belief superseding the reality, the practical physical world surrounding one’s resonant self. A practice of resolving reactions as one’s self definition, without addressing the immediate root disquiet or imbalance, can also limit through and as a stagnant action, that habit automating, then change will demand a greater effort. 

The mirage of information is usually presented from one side, as our form of media, of sharing information comes from a panel on a screen, where we cannot answer, and where so-called authorities are placed in a central point, at a table, where they are asked questions, and as such, the frame of information is controlled to never leave a given narration. A catch 22, because those in a stage of discovery can cause conversations to ver off from the conversation but also ask important questions that can derail what is accepted as truth. Controls can help focus, yet controls can also reject relative and important information. It is another one of those instances where it can go both ways. One can focus on only one side, intensify and magnify one aspect to the point it becomes hypnotic, which is using one extreme to justify a mean. This is also a mis-use of the imagination, which is one’s mind template of experience or memorized templates about things in this reality without living practical application. 

Imagine being in a certain state and suddenly hearing a piece of music that takes one out of that state and places one into another. In some ways, when we have not mastered how all of this happens, we can become like a feather being tossed about by giant waves. We lose sight of the ground and spin around, having no awareness of where we are, and how to ground ourselves back into where we are. A great use of creating a veil to distract and use to be lost in self interest that is a state of denial and also to accumulate profit. And yet, that accumulation is really an illusion in itself, because ultimately it cannot work. The problems it creates ends up occupying the attention of the one creating the form, so both become that same feather being tossed in the waves. It becomes a reality divorced from reality, which is what has happened. Extinction rather than transformation is a testament to that. 

Outside of this, one must really know the code, as words, used by humans, to realize the code so well, one can see the manipulations, as a sum, and at the same time, what is here. In such a scenario, uncertainty would become of shorter duration in this reality, and a sense that one could sort things out would become bigger, as recognition of “ not having enough information” would be realized as a point of growth instead of something to cause embarrassment. Hence, transformation, or regrouping would be embraced as the joy of discovery. It is as though the music that exits as the dialogues of men at this point is so caught in a magnified state of uncertainty, as fear not realizing itself as that, and a set body of information believed to be more real than reality. Here limited made-to-be-real assumption ( because it is a series of and as a measure of what is “ right”) clashes and uses uncertainty and fear to justify itself as it magnifies a set body of information from a one sided platform. In this hypnotic state composed of limited information, one can no longer hear the grass growing, as the expression of this physical reality. Remember, it is, as the golden rule made public notice in every school, to take that which is good and does no harm, which is the same equation of and as to give as one would receive, which is the same equation as becoming a master of self as life. The simplicity of this, is astounding, the chaos is a resonant belief system, which is a mis-use of the imagination, as an over use of the imagination, to the degree one loses one’s ability to be grounded in the physical, respecting all things, reflected in our bodies losing touch with this reality as we age. It has been made public notice to also bring heaven down to earth, no matter what surrounds that statement. 

This is why the golden rule is of great import. It is the rule to do no harm, and to take what is good. It is the rule to give as one would receive. It is the rule to investigate, to take the time to slow down and hear the muse/formation presented, to then assess that creation with regard to this ground called earth, and only move within that that is more of transformation than eliminating what does not fit into an idea within one’s self only. It is to say, if we all slowed down, we might find an unfolding that dis-covers our own centuries long movement in an alternate reality that is destructive of earth to the extent it is so slow moving we have not seen the destruction of this earth because each generation is so caught in this perfect storm it cannot realize what the earth looked like in previous generations. It is like one big orchestral piece, which is a series of measures moving in tandem with one another, and yet having forgotten one another or are in a state of assumption that this is the way it is, when it is not. The means is the same, but one is in separation from the whole. And the means cannot remember itself and how it was constructed, thus when it meets something outside of itself, it assumes immediate recognition because what one focuses on, attends to occupies all one’s presence, and ignores states of “ less information or more information” causing conflict or friction which is fear more than resolution. I mean, if we realized fear as confusion, then we are starting to realize the solution, because it only means that more information is needed to lend greater direction. A state of “ greater direction” need only remember how the sum of parts was formed that generated a state of assumption. The degree of separation of self expression probably has a correlation to how intense is one’s fear and or expression of assumptions- which must be brought out because that is how one has learned to express. The thing most resisted is the means through friction and conflict. And yet, a truth exits, it is as tough we are also at the same time, attempting to effectively voice our truth. Difficult in a resonant storm of beliefs, opinions and ideas. 

If one were caught in all of this, would the idea of discipline be considered difficult? Would learning something new appear to be impossible? The degree to which one cannot slow down and learn something new, is indicative of how much one is caught in a set resonant body of beliefs. In this context, saying something is outside of one’s comfort zone is an acknowledgement of an inability to change.  The fall back ideology of “ being in a comfort zone,” is simply a cry of lack that screams for a means to realize its own veiling mechanisms. 

Someone I knew said that they could not meditate, they could not get themselves to be quiet within. What does this suggest? Does it suggest that a resonant construct of stories of information had taken hold of the person, was accepted and allowed a BUILT by the individual? That a person can HOLD something, over many years, to the degree it blocks taking in new information, such as being a form of quiet within themselves, is telling in itself. And yet, that quality of long standing holding, indicates that we can hold “ things,”  that we are in deed the masters of in inner template of a resonant construct. Why not practice holding a presence within this reality, focusing on how this reality works, as a relationship to always relate to what is here as earth? 

It is known that disciplines can take 10,000 hours to master, which could be in 5 to 7 years. One could say the equation as a system of 4 years of college, is the living math of and as a potent period of intense focus allowing that 10,000 hours. Yet when done through memory, an outcome of tenuous hold os something easily forgotten because it had no real living practice, no real association to a more long-term development as direct interaction with what is real. 

Depending on one’s starting point, if one has a greater discipline in one area, one can more readily move through another discipline. This takes changing one’s focus, which means one must develop an awareness of one’s focus. This is the what, where, when, why and how scenario which is a good template to use to ground one’s self through questions and answers in a given moment. Anything that would build a greater presence of self and self as existing because and as a physical being on a physical earth, would unfold a more expansive awareness that had a greater recognition of uncertainty, and the means of closing the gap of uncertainty, into realizing the means to the end as gathering an awareness of information. This would be information that allows one to hold something that can withstand change, or meet change with joy. In one way, one need not “ hold” anything because one is more in synch with what is the body of one, as the physical. Is this not what it means to move synergistically, or symBIOtically? The living earth is our bio. 

Sometimes, I have noticed what I would call a soft approach to discipline. Again, as all things are of a balance, a soft approach to discipline makes excuses, as the truth in a “ soft approach” does not realize the soft approach is more in the application as small action. Meaning one focuses without back chat in the mind, or one practices with full attention onto the smallest and most simple of movements, as the small we understood allows the construction of more complex parts with greater ease. The soft approach tends to not want to point out that a mastery of the focus on the small has not been done, and the lack thereof does not want to hear that it has not focused on the small. Classic story of what many master’s say, when they ask initiates to repeat a small seemingly monotonous task. The initiate cannot understand the reasoning behind this, and believes they should have recognition for their somewhat developed capacity. The master sees the flaws in the starting point that are inhibiting greater ability to work effectively with more complex sums, the initiate has assumptions that have forgotten of such. In such a situation, the master must stick to their steps which is not considered being soft, as they at the same time, are using the small to soften, or unleash, or unknot, an urgency of assumptions.  The innate self defining template, or construct of information can have a sense of losing something, which can generate fear - or that sense of vertigo as one’s focus point-, as that very deconstruction process, when not formally understood. Then a resistance happens, one that is either overcome or not as resistance comes at a point of change. 

A master of something, has the capacity to realize assumptions and work with them. From another dimension, in terms of power structures, I can understand why in some social revolutions, it was the educated in a society that were killed, because they more than likely were the ones close to this realization over all. Yet, those lead by assumption and desirous of power, understood that this point of change had to end, or their movement onto the next level of control would be eliminated. This becomes the feathers being tossed in the waves, unaware of the waves as the real medium of their existence!  This is why administrators are usually, as the word sounds, the biggest traitors. In all, life will. The real disease is a state of stagnation, and yet seeing through that state of stagnation, or rejection of opportunity, or the avoidance of answers in regards to questions asked,  is the means of perpetuating the building of castles, as power structures on that centralized hill, that is in itself an illusion because real life is symbiotic, meaning of parts working in tandem.

After all, our bodies are working organisms, where most of the bacteria in our bodies are separate entities, of which the absence of we cannot exist. It is as though the physical allows us to see what we have allowed within, as the test of manifesting what we create ourselves as. We have in deed,  become what we were warned against, which is to be living value judgements instead of real living. We humans have allowed a personality to become larger than life. Our personalities are basically assumptions, and we allow an administration of assumptions ignoring the consequences of our assumptions on the reality that enables us to see our assumptions. Astounding! 

We can have moments of a sense of knowing that is not of the language used in the every day. It is more a sense of presence seeing or sensing an order of this reality. Yet, one must define that living reality, of which the sum of parts, are the means to the end. One must become a master of one’s focus ability. Would it not make sense that we must know ourselves in detail before we can really know what is around us? And does not what is around show us to ourselves? 

I remember having moments where my perspective of reality changed, yet only for a fleeting moment. In that moment of perhaps being a gap, it was that sense of knowing on some levels, mixed with judgements about what that was that was coming up, at which point I jumped out of that sense, and even forgot it. With hindsight I asked the question as to whether such could be real, because I had no control over it. How could a “ sense of knowing,” a surprise at such a different perspective suddenly appearing, and at the same time, an awareness of and as suddenly asking a question as to why I did not have control over such a thing? It was a moment that lead to a question of and as “ what is going on!” Such a moment happened where I realized every word had to be rebuilt. 

There is this “ sense of knowing” that also means developing greater awareness of the parts, and that does not move as coded/scripted language as humans use, and the contrast of the change from  one perspective to another, of which I had no control. It would mean that I was running on assumptions, resonant within and projected without. One’s assumptions end up directing in automated ways, because they are a reflection of a lack of presence being used effectively - as to  be in the practice of considering all things, taking the good and ensuring no harm. The formula has been given, it is made public notice, because earth can be heaven on earth. The way and the means are really the acceptance of the gift of this. So many times we ask, but our own morality gets in the way of accepting the answer when it comes. The absence of accepting this life that is who one really is, is the absence of to “ know thyself.” I mean, evidently, on some Greek structures, “ know thyself”  was carved on the entry head stone which is public notice! Therefor, we can blame no one but ourselves.  

Assumptions can become one’s intuition, that when meeting “ incomplete information” as what happens when someone is in fear, as in lacking real presence - which is given and lost and forgotten - can cause the perfect storm. This storm can become all that one sees, which is what is meant to see through the veil. And it is what is meant when a Christ said to forgive them for they know not what they do. They are in a now of resonant assumptions that can easily move into fear, made evident in friction and conflict. This is a manifesto of living problem-reaction-solution instead of problem solution. Answering to reaction is a mis-use of control, answering to the problem is more of a correct use of control.  The other side, is that one can ONLY speak what one has allowed, thus one will speak what one has used to protect one’s inner resonant template of ideas, beliefs and opinions, because this is what one has focused on, what one has practiced. Vocal and focal are similar in sound. It is the gift that shows one’s self to one’s self. We are the words we effectively know. We are that of which we speak. When we lack a recognition of the grass growing, when we cannot HEAR/HERE the grass growing, we are in effect in separation from the golden rule, that which has been made public notice, thus we can blame no one but ourselves. 

Time and Word Day 805

If I look at the word discipline, it has in its roots the words dis and cipline. The word “dis”  could be “ without”, and “cipline” has “ cip.” “Cip” could be a play with sound as “ cipher.” Which phonetically also sound like “ sigh” which is a form of using breathe which would be a movement of demanding presence in the physical. Cipher is also to cipher something, as though one is decoding something, one is seeing the parts. Thus, a discipline means seeing the parts, as “ of the parts.” It is also, as a relationship of perspective, seeing the polarities within one, the pulls, as a dichotomy of energetic polarities, as judgements about something, that are occupying one’s attention and causing a mis-take in one’s small movements, where, for example, one may resist something in the practical physical reality, in that place where we are as who we are here on earth, as the magic-in-the-doing which takes a discipline of being focused in this reality, and not up there in one’s overblown imagination so propagated in our present system, through the passive indirect instruction model in an isolated environment of our present acceptance-and-allowance system of education creating a passive follower who has practiced spending most of the developing years processing info through the imagination ONLY, causing the con-sequence of so many children having processing disorders, as resonant cognitive disorders, to the extent that when they go out into the world, they feel they do not know anything. And they don’t really know anything because everything they do know is only a picture formed through the imagination ONLY, because it is well known that knowledge and information without application is useless. Faith without command is meaningless, and hope without action is fruitless. One can feel when one is not present, as there is a movement, against being present, because of an occupation of a lack of real relationship and connection with the practical reality, this reality that is a physical reality here. The magic is in the doing of the thing, in the direct relationship with the actual, physical thing that is here in plain sight, this plane of reality called earth. If we have a system where a few have an illusion that they must reorder this reality into some idea they have up in a mis-use of the imagination, they would create a construct of energy, as money, to own freely given resources to move that resource into a likeness within their imaginations, as a resonant blue print that is in itself created from this reality, and yet, is not reality. It is a resonant illusion that is visible by the self because there is a subtle friction around then, just like a bubble, just as a veil. Both of these things acknowledged by many and said, or made clear in various ways, through the ages. If we slow down it is visible. If one slows down, one can hear the static of and as it.  And, if one speaks about it, what one will encounter are a string of excuses, justifications in word, because this is what is being resisted by all, as that same ineffective of use of discipline. And yet, it is a discipline because it is a practice accepted and allowed! It is a practice of focusing on a lack, as believing a ghost in the machine is larger than life. If one has practiced resistance, changing that resonant engrained movement is going to take time and discipline into changing what one has synched one’s self into. It is something that no one, no other person can do for the self. It is something that ONLY the self can do. Another can open doors, being things forward, expose them, yet the self as that which can sense this, is the ONLY one that can create this change. It is taking back the self that is awestruck by the beauty of this living physical reality. 

One can do this through aligning one’s words back down to earth. Meaning synching one’s words with this living reality. This means that when using words, one does not trigger the past, or create a whole personification behind one word, to the extent that one misses what someone says in a conversation, because one has brought up a whole LOONNNGG book as a dualistic story line of good and bad, right and wrong, more and less, as the polarities of charged values that is a state of judgement about things, which is not calling something out by its living name in the physical life where the magic is in the doing. Go and read a comment section on some issue placed in an article on the internet. The value judgement system of and as a mis-use of the imagination is in plain sight! How many comments are of expletives? How many comments are of name calling? How many comments has a label, such as grouping under a name supposing, assuming a set body of ideas around something without looking at what is the real story on the ground? I mean, why are resources flowing out of resource rich countries while aid to disenfranchised people appears to always have some delayed response with a whole chain of justification from a bureaucracy which is all of us as human kind not being responsible to this reality! Since life is so abundant around us, the way to avoid it is to practice repressing it, resisting it, hiding from it, which takes a practice, which is a discipline, and is that of destruction, lol, de-struction, meaning to resist the structure of life, right here, right in front of us. Remember the resonant veil, the resonant state created from limitation as selecting limited value, that one could only have chosen from the physical.  And we wonder why our bodies are losing intercellular communication, which is a state of dis-ease, because one has resisted that which would place one at ease, which is to respect all things to take that which is good and does no harm, which is the golden rule, which is living a solution oriented mind-set. If it is complicated, which is an excuse, then one is most likely not present, not disciplined in reality. 

I came across a set of words in Thomas Paine’s Common Sense, as “ they will fast my time”.  This was supposedly a response from the surrounding men at the time of the incidence, of and as “ that his measures were only of temporary kind.”  In this, the suggestion of “ fasting my time” within one’s time being a measure, as one’s words, I could see the relationship of words as being time, which is measure. Thus, when one’s words are of value judgement, one is fasting one’s time to a limited structure, which can be a lie-by-omission, as not being the whole story, not being a full investigation into and has what is here, what is real, what is being done in practical ways with freely given resources. In how we use words, we can fashion a time, that is not in synch with reality. It becomes obvious. It renders what is considered “ magic” as a slight of hand as words as measure as creating alternate realities of time sequences of ideas, beliefs and opinions that bear no witness to this reality, leading to mis-takes that cause harm to this physical reality, as a loss of respect to working with who and what we are as physical beings on a physical planet. For this same reason, many have said that religion is the means of creating separation from reality. It has been said that the positivity cult, of hoping and being a dreamer of a “ good” will somehow change what can only change through practical application, through a discipline of working with what is here, and aligning one’s words where each and every word one speaks, has a direct relationship to the physical living qualities of this living reality. Were this to happen there would be no reason for inequality, no room, no space, no time in divisions constructed from environments made ritual, turned into traditions superseding reality, as what is in plain sight. We humans are not in synch with this living reality, our problems stem from this state of separation that is visible in the very words we speak, because we can only speak of our experiences. If our experiences, as what we have lived, are of a discipline of justifying our own separation from reality, that is all we can speak, and thus it can be heard. No one is fasting our time but ourselves, and this is done with measure, with time, with and as the very words we speak. 

One must rescript one’s self back into this living reality, to be in time with creation, resonant as one’s words being in time with creation, with here, with life. This movement has that gentle quality, that grace of creation, the real power of presence that has a consequence of doing no harm, as respecting all things, as taking substantiating actions that are always a

relationship to realizing there are no problems, and instead only solutions. Punishment is not education. Only that movement, acceptance and allowance, of what is best for all is the choice. 

Day 655 I am the nature of change.

I realize that I fear change, and yet this is a natural ability within me, and the physical world surrounds me to enable me to change to fit with what is here, and to work with in ways that do no harm.

I can see where television, imparts a vision that has nothing to do with the reality as the physical world surrounding myself here.

I also can see where the contrast of our present education system, moves at a much slower rate than the imagery on a screen, filled with possibility and excitement.

In a world where a child has little to no interaction with the physical reality surrounding them, and a communication system that use words to bring out detail, and a television that orders movements and picture that appear to defy reality, and an education system that micro manages in abstraction only, for many hours a day, can we see how we are in effect not educating our children to realize their full potential?

We understand that what we think can become automated in our behaviors, the measure we are exposed to, as media and the slow-motion of learning in our schools of a set body of information, abstractly, without practical application- as being away from using our immense common sense - eventually becoming what automates us, or, what directs us, or what we program ourselves to direct our physical bodies as.

I mean, look at the Harem effect in our schools. This is a program of a set body of values, that a person believes defines their value, or believes brings some excitement. If this is the information, as a series of values composed of measures, like data, or like ‘ tradition” which is a set of data based on a past,  then that is what that person attends to, has programmed their body to move towards. This is okay, yet when one’s set of values are made larger than other values, as they are all values, one not more than another, what is missed in perception and what directs that lacks a respect for all values? What is lost in the elimination of other values that are in no way more or less than one’s perceived values collected into what directs the person’s attention?

And, is one so busy chasing these limited values that the potential of other values is simply ignored? This is like wandering though a forest and ignoring anything that does not motivate one, when all those others trees have values, and together form the forest that is the very means of life, as the trees all emit oxygen for each part in this fabric of existence.

And if one is so busy following these limited values, is everything else no longer visible, as the imagination has become larger than life? I mean is this not what abstract teaching only and constant tele-vision in effect doing?

Have we allowed ourselves to become programmed with limited information and within the practice of that limited programming as what is our cognition/our directive map, lost sight of how we accepted that programming to the detriment of a natural spatial ability that is the very means to sense that forest and each individual tree? In other words, we have become a mind consciousness system, following an inner informative order on automaticity as what directs us, forgetting how this all works!

Imagine trying to explain this to a mind consciousness system that believes that mind consciousness is more real than that forest?

And meanwhile that program will say “ you are not listening” when that ‘ not listening’ is really that the program that is all that is seen, only wants acceptance of itself because it sees nothing else!

And yet, one can change, because that information was placed and accepted, a process of construction that can be deconstructed. Yet a principle must be what guides in the reconstruction, as this can create a constant, and that constant must be what can withstand all change. It must be that point of stability, reminding the person of that forest and the individual parts of that forest, down to the leaves on the tree.

This principle must be what is best for all, because this has that which follows a program, for a moment, to consider all things. We can sense that forest and the leaves on all the trees, as this is how great our ability to assess and absorb information is. We can retain what we assess as a form for a moment, and become an ability to change in every moment with that innate spatial ability. 

Given that what is programmed can become automated on another level through generations. As the parents become the program and physically direct themselves as this, and end up modeling this for the child, who then is exposed to this every day, because the child does not have enough information accumulated to realize what is happening.  Thus the parents model the limited information, as this is physically directing them.

We all know this is happening, as we ignore what is happening in the world, and are involved in our immediate environments, where television/entertainment and specialized jobs consume our attention. We move like we have visors on, and bury our frustrations in entertainment and drugs, because the suppression of our full potential is a lot of work. Thus we are allowing a fluid ability to assess ( learning to crawl) to direct in a very narrow focus.

If in every action we make, in this next moment, included the principle of what is best for all, we would begin to look outward,and realize the structures of, for example, our economic system as being what is not what is best for all.  We would begin to investigate the structures, and even begin to understand that we were never taught how the money system works because it would mean we would understand that by design it is not what is best for all and therefor cannot work. We would begin to realize the structural patterns within and without.

We are accepting a system that is acting in self interest, just as we each are lost in our own self interest, having forgotten to respect what we are, as physical beings living on a physical and finite planet.  This is  a planet that works in symbiosis, not as a monoculture. Look, are our bodies a monoculture? No, they are a system of many different parts that work together in symbiotic ways. Our bodies are not a monoculture.

Is it no wonder that the physical labor jobs are paid the least and the abstract-on-paper-work jobs are paid the most? This is because the paper work jobs can manipulate in self interest away from what is real -moving limited information. This is a building of structures far away from that forest, forgetting that fabric of the physical world that is the means of one’s life, as that forest is a part of one’s physical body- without it, one cannot live. The system reflects what each is allowing within.

In this, all jobs, no matter what, are equal in importance and within this, each one must move within the principle of what is best for all, in consideration of all things, as all things are you in another life, in another form. 

As one begins to realize one’s program composed of values that are essentially a measure about the physical world surrounding us, and begins to look not only at what one has accepted and allowed, and the distractions to not face this, as the television ( not a ‘ bad”) and the education system of a set body of information that does not teach how the system is structured  ( or we would not have starvation and environmental degradation) one begins to discern the without and the within. The without being the real  physical world around us as that forest and all the leaves on all the trees, and that within as what one has accepted as belief and idea and opinion that is an enlarged imaginary value only; a measure, a data about this symbiotic world. This is how a  mind consciousness system  is what has been accepted, where the imagination is in separation from reality, and that imagination is believed to be more real, than reality as the physical.

The means to begin to ground one’s self back into reality, is to move as the principle of what is best for all, as this is what is best for self, because self as life, exists because of what works and what works is what is best for all, which is how earth exists because it moves in symbiotic ways, which is respecting all things and taking that which is good and does no harm. 

One must be able to change, in every moment, assessing all things. One must be fluid as to what is formed within and what is formed without. Each has this capacity, or we would not have learned to crawl and to walk and to talk. For those who could not learn to crawl and walk and talk, it is because of the consequences of each, within each generation, not considering all things, taking that which is good and does no harm, in every moment of breath. We are all a part of creation as the physical. Our responsibility is to all things. What is best for us, here, is what is best for all.