I notice at night that I become overwhelmed with reading posts etc. And I remember when my children were younger and I went back to school, I felt that I had too many logistical things to do in terms of taking care of a house and then sitting and learning an order of words, as an order of sounds, to be able to respond to a system I was walking, as in going back to school. What I had done, is assigned a period in the evening when the children were asleep to do my school work. I had organized it to remain on a large table, where only this task was done. It worked out well, because I was allowing myself to get fearful of not being able to do the work while managing everything else. I had to say to myself that that “ set aside” time was when I concentrated on school work, and the rest of the day was for all the other things. And to say, that this did not have to be set in stone, meaning i could deviate, but in general, this time was always for the school work.
I find that i have allowed myself to get all worked up about reading things, feeling like there is too much to read, too many things to address, too many layers to realize and order in a way that I can respond in a concise manner, and address as much as possible. So, often, I find myself feeling, “ I don’t know where to begin.” I feel like I am trying to bring too many pieces of the shell of myself all spread out into something that is stable, and can address myself and thus others, in sound ways.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that i have to process many articles in one day.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that in so doing , I begin to rush and overwhelm myself, overall allowing myself to be directed by a desire to win, as in a desire to control, and in the desire to “ fix” something, thereby getting so caught up in this, I sabotage myself and become overwhelmed to the point where I feel reading is a burden, which means i have to slow down, and realize that doing a few small things everyday, is the way and the means to accumulate careful actions that create movements of sound practice leading to self trust, and stability, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine that I have to get a lot done, which in itself is ambiguous, because it becomes an idea of “ getting a lot done” instead of a practical movement of simply walking little by little in stability.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that if I remain in breath, and slow down, it is here that I can take the time to address what is here as this world in front of me, where in some instances, one must research information presented, which takes some time, so not all articles I come across on FB can be read in one day.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to equate failure with not reading everything that I come upon on FB.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a control freak, wanting to keep up on every issue.
When and as I find myself becoming a feeling of resistance to reading, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I see realize and understand that I can read one article and take the time to comment and or investigate each day, for example, and that this accumulates understanding.
When and as I find myself feeling that there is too much to do, I stop and I breath and I slow myself ( msy-elf) down, and I bring myself here, to become and realize a practical measure of myself, even writing out what I am going to do each day, which I do at times, but then I find I begin to organize it all in my head, which then occupies me as I start to juggle things around in my mind, and get to a point where I can’t decide which thing to do first, thereby slowing myself down.
Thus, when and as I find myself beginning to become indecisive about what to do next, I red flag this and see, realize and understand that I need to write things out on a list and check them off to simply choose an order and get things done in a structured way, because ordering things in my mind is not necessarily “ bad” but when getting ahead of me, as in occupying myself as the process of ordering, I then see, realize and understand that I need to create a structure to direct me here.
When and as I find myself rushing, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I realize that it is a process of many parts, as each human, becoming stable in common sense of practical reality, where I as one of many, must become self directive within myself as common sense of what is best for me is what is best for all, and this within the realization that the present system of an outward manifestation of the inner self interest before what is best for all, as all men, and as such has to be worked with at the moment, thus, I can only direct here, in breath, and can bring reactions back to myself and stabilize within becoming a living word, a word that is in measure of what is best for all is best for self, that cross references this actual physical world that is the way and the means of life information in expression, here.
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