The pressure of thin-king on the heart Day 774

What does it mean to stand as a word that is grounded and aware of itself, in relation to considering all things?

How does on have  a command as a faith in who and what one is as a starting point as what is constant and here, in all ways?

At present, I feel like I am perpetually on the verge of getting sick. As though there is a war within me, where I move into fear, as a belief that things are impossible, and yet, sense that going there is not the place to go. I look at what I am allowing and remember the practical, having more of a command in who and what I am, as a respect of the practical as a real relationship and respect of the physical being real faith.

Somehow, bringing segmented things here, as parts of realization within the patterns of forms around me, is a way to make what is seemingly metaphysical more a reality of and as how the physical works, and how separation into ego is reflected in the segments of processes and things around me. It is like bringing a story here, and making it practical and obvious, making it acceptable.

It is making what is ignored big and making the means of ignorance small. A kind of reversal, a reversing.  And it means remaining steady within this.

It is changing the image of perception, reducing what is inflamed, and deflating it, via bringing segments of recognition together as creating a ordinariness as a sequence of steps that show the illusion of conscious projections resisting the practical, and how an absence of realizing the practical is the problem that reveals the solution.

I am , in real time, procrastinating within and as my annual spring task of washing all the windows of my house. It is a simple thing. It takes a persistence as a measure that is annual, nothing more , nothing less. And yet, I find myself hesitating. In some ways this is happening in my world at the moment. 

It is a reflection as a hesitation of being and living and moving as the process of de-segmenting what is fractionalized that is the hyperbolized values that must be segmented into a practice that grounds in being focused in this reality- seeing with clear eyes, how a separation consciousness is something that can be grounded into actions and expressions that realize an intimacy that is self empowering in creating real and effective awareness of and as self direction that is sustainable and constant. 

To use parables, the residual dust on my windows, need not be made larger than life, just as I self realize the segments of recognition need not be made as separate as they may seem, as they can be brought together to make the imaginary less a separation from the practical and more in-line with an awareness of what it means to create stable and present focus on what is real, as this physical reality.  

It is really a matter of remaining in the practical, recognizing my own projections into value judgements. What appears to easy and so habituated to move into, is a separation from the practical consciousness that only the self, as me, accepted and allowed, and not what is here and what I would really want, as the tension as the focus onto a form of blame, that is myself hating myself for not having remained within who and what I am as life, which is realizing the substance of life, that is me, that is all around me here. 

That spin, of limited values - it is like it creates this vortex of and as another plain of existence, that is an inversion of myself away from being here, being present. It is, also, that I realize when I am doing this. We all realize we are doing this. Meanwhile what is real is right here, to be discovered as being equal to what creates, here.

Somehow, this all moves around as the heart, which would fit within what we have been told, as to realize what when we are present here, taking in what is here, without judgement, and with realizing presence in form and function, and resolving it, as being living solutions that move in ways that allow no harm, as taking what is good and transforming it into a change that is best for all. It is like there is an author as a dictate, pressing down from my mind, composed of a limited morality that is built of polarized values, instead of giving as I would receive, which is what is best for myself. Reminds me of hearing a really clear performance, where the presence in the notes as the space was so ‘ fulfilled’ that every relationship as connection was solid, making a sound that was really clear and tight- as I wold say it. And, with no ‘ manner’ attached. I have probably heard that once in my life - to that degree anyway! 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move into resistance, to move into not seeing realizing and understanding that resistance is rejection, is denial, is protection and self defense, within and as an idea of a loss as who and what I have allowed myself to be in separation from the reality of who and what I am which is physical, as the physical is what withstands the test of time, and what is therefor creation manifest, in expression of and as life. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that that which is desired to be owned, done with slight-of-hand as paper castles of legal manpulations, that mirror the same as what I have accepted and allowed within in and as me, and which reveal that what is moved to grab as physical resources, makes plain that what is real is the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not look here, to not realize the depth of the dearth of my own accepted and allowed rejection of myself as life here, and the degree of separation into polarized values as judgements as dogma as belief, creating imaginations metaphysical, and the implications thereof that have caused harm towards life, must be reversed with awareness and practical application as that which respects all things here, to birth life on earth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not take back the joy of being life, meaning to be present in consideration of all things here, and to within this practice recognizing my own cognitive dissonance - self accepted and created- as I was the child that was not born with religion and political dogma, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how much the very movements of and as me, reveal to me, my own ignorance of this reality.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to stand one and equal to what is in plain sight, and what is the means of life as the physical here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to become in recognition of the movements within and as me, as tension and conflict, confusion and fear, to see realize and under this stand as myself moving in self interest, instead of remaining grounded within and as the fullness of life all around me that is physical and present and always in plain sight here.

When and as I find myself tensing up, within and as me, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I see realize and cross reference, in practical step by step application to realize the beliefs, ideas, and opinions as thought, pushing down on my heart, where I create a kind of vortex, of blame and spite, protection and defense, in fear of punishment as a belief in survival, to reverse this, through self forgiveness and practical application of and as real focus on what is here, as the physical.

When and as I find myself tensing up, as pressure of and as thoughts, onto my chest area, leading to and manifest as the down turning of the sides of my mouth, I stop, I breath, I assess, as investigate what I am accepting and allowing within and as me, to reform, to focus here, and reverse, as verse, within and as me as a focus, with practical applications, what is best for all, as this is what is best for life.

When and as I find myself tensing up, as creating an entity of separation, a fragment of reality, as a value judgement, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I ground myself in calm, to asses, in breath to realize in practice a con-science of and as the tech of who and what I am, an awareness of all things, to realize what is a movement of and as what is best for all, to listen to the physical, here.

When and as I find myself looking within and as me, as the ideas, beliefs and opinions I have allowed to habituate within and as me as an imagined dogma, creating by design a limitation, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand the practice of presence in this reality, as respecting all things, opening my heart to here, to become steady in expressing myself as life, as who and what I am here.

Self forgiveness on Love Day 762

continued from the previous post

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a love in a narrow focus, at the exclusion of everything else.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that making something larger than life, is myself in separation from considering all things as me, as this living reality that is physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to romanticize relationships, within and as my mind, to become a consciousness of self interest, to avoid looking here, at this practical and physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the very of making one relationship larger than life, without continued cross reference of all things as who and what I am in total, as a physical being on a physical planet is to separate myself from the form and function in practical reality, as the physical as the total of who and what I am as this physical world is the real relationship of and as creation as life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the statement of and as ‘ that which I love I will lose’ meaning that which I aggrandize and allow to become a form of protection as a positive is a denial of the negative that motivates the separation into a limited relationship as the focus of and as me, within and as me, as a heaven in separation from the ground as the physical reality, the means to live and express and be equal and one with the real story, as the relationships of the physical reality, here, being and forming as moving as what is life in expression as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand in this trinity , the busy-ness of occupation into limited ideas, that interfere with being present, grounded, in respect of, all that is here as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the real story is the expression of life, that is physical, that is formed, that breathes and moves and interacts here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a thought only, and for an extended period of time, of and as ‘ there is a great beauty’ to become a singular focus of and as me, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to limit myself within a singular relationship as an idea about a form, as a person as my husband, as being ‘ a great beauty.’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that separation within and as allowing this to be a singular and limited focus of and as me, as its very existence is a scream to hide from considering all things and following a  limited and romanticized story line, as a sequence of values made larger than life, as the very self interest of and as me, as not being a bad, overall, and yet, being a focus, that within and as it, is a separation from reality, and an admission that this reality and the values of this reality as the system entertains itself with limited values to avoid realizing what is happening in the world, and within myself  a fear of standing up and realizing in thought, word and deed, that there are no problems only solutions, as this is a physical creation, which is visible and practical here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a value made larger than life to define myself as superior, based on a romanticized, or inflamed, idea.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in many ways I placed myself into an impossible situation, making one thing more special than another, hiding in a ‘ good’ that I accepted and embraced believing myself to be good, when this was hiding in a good , to avoid what I allowed to motivate this in-formation as me, that simply reflected an abdication of myself as life, into a form of self interest revealing a fear of being present and sorting out what I had to realize to then deny, which was overall, myself being inferior to myself as life, and rejecting the life that is me, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe, to make larger than the practical in  physical reality, as a physical creation as life in expression, that being practical respecting the physical, realizing life, enjoying being, remaining grounded, was too much, that facing the same as what I accepted and allowed as accumulating value judgements of a narrow focus as ideas, beliefs and opinions, practicing limited values, accumulating into an emotional feeling body, chasing a limited story of information, as me, resonantly accumulating, just as a perfect practice accumulates mastery of and as a discipline, so did I accumulate and practice until it compounded into an emotional feeling body, as a storm of energy, driving me, into the form, as ideas, beliefs and opinions, creating wants, needs and desires, polarizing myself into a persona, a ‘ hard work’ I accepted and allowed into a separation, from this reality, that had to fall, as it was not grounded and stable and practical here, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in the rush of my practiced values, accumulating into emotional/feeling bodies, I built my own interference from and as the physical reality here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that i accepted and allowed the impossible as who and what i became as the accumulation of ideas, beliefs and opinions, following a romaticized novel of novel ideas, overall not a bad, yet done in separation from being in respect of and as all life as the physical, as real love is to respect all things, take that which is good as that which does no harm, and to remain in respect of the instrument of life, as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that  the thought of and as the impossible, with the counter action of and as ‘ something beautiful being extinguished” into , ‘ this not being so’ or ‘ this cannot be’ is the admission that something is out of synch, and a self interested busyness to avoid being practical, as I accepted and allowed myself to fear being responsible within and as who and what I am as a physical being-ness state of expression as would life be, here.

When and as I find myself believing it is difficult to remain grounded and practical here, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, until I am grounded, calm, stable, at ease, present, silent, listening,  to then assess, define, and rebuild a relationship that is equal and one to who and what i am as the physical, to include and respect what is real, and all around me as life, here. 

When and as I find myself moving into confusion, as the belief that something is impossible, Is stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that I am here, that the practical is all around me as me, here, as the physical, and I see realize and understand how a separation as a mind con— science system, as the science of accumulation of my actions, lead by beliefs, opinions and ideas, into wants desires and needs, if not grounded in the practical reality as the physical build a resonant story within and as me, as knowledge and information lacking real practical application, causing conflict and friction, with reality,  and are not myself in the presence of and as life, as a physical form, and as such, I can slow down and breathe, ground myself here, and take responsibility of and as who and what I am as life here, which is actually normal, simple, doable, as the magic is in the doing, with respect for all things as this actual real, tangible consistently present physical world called earth, here.

When and as I find myself moving into self pity, to build an idea of something being impossible, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I face the storm of my separation, as a consciousness moving in accumulating limited values into a story that is not the storied information of the physical in form and function, in practical application here, I stop, I assess, I investigate until I am grounded, stable, consistent, processing the practical, realizing the means of separation are the same means of building a gounded and present focus on this physical and practical reality here, as creation.

More on Bringing it Back to Self Day 737

Bringing it back to self.

I am looking at the means justifying the ends. Reviewing this.

I realize that what I aggrandize, as make huge, like an elephant in the room, is what I attend to, as focus on. Is this in self interest, as a relationship of protecting what I define myself within as who I am?

It can be such a narrow focus on a few values, where at the exclusion of all things, as a cross reference, I am lost in a tunnel vision of my own command, my own imagination, my ownership of perspective, my owned borders. Self selected programming. A lie-by-omission.

Within doom and gloom, or, worst case scenarios, I realize this is the choice, because it is always a choice, I can take an extreme, create a fantasy as a hypothetical, as hyperbole, and believe that this is the center of this universe, forgetting all that is me, practically as I am physical first and foremost- my resource -  and project this onto everything, thereby believing that what I compose in my imagination is real. I become my own constructed illusion. And, I forget who I really am, I no longer ‘ know thy self’ and as a consequence am in a distraction, a business of limited insight. 

This causes conflict with my real self. This manifests as friction, or a clash with reality. This separation is colored by a belief that I am a superman, and why does no one else see this? I ask myself in my ego, my idealistic self.

I abandoned my own self worth, as me, as all of me, as the organism that allows me expression. When I am calm and problem solve, with effective actions, my whole temper is more insightful and connected to reality. I quantify greater measures of information,  and move with greater practicality, instead of projecting a myopic story of blame as only seeing a default, often something unkempt that I fear becoming. I end up using fantasy, as a worst case scenario to justify rejecting something instead of realizing what is an innate capacity to compose. Meaning, an innate capacity to see correction via problem solving within practical outlined steps of what builds a constancy that does no harm. This means standing up through my own mental projections and grounding myself in this reality. I mean, in all common sense, what are the elements of a garden growing? The simplicity is astounding and very cool. 

I am looking at the idea - because this is words on a page- of ‘ know thyself.’  I will place this next to the idea of a superman, so-called ‘ master of industry.’  Knowing self is powerful, it is knowing who and what one is, which is to acknowledge the physical world, and the practical steps necessary in real time, within completing a task. This would lead to effective action, and thus success, especially in a world where so many do not reference themselves because of a distraction into a heaven ideal. And yet, to know thyself means being practical, leading to becoming super effective. Somehow, becoming super effective has been made fantasy as the idea of a superman, which technological media can make appear to be real, causing a imaginative picture show of the possibility of great feats in physical time. Here, one is caught in a distraction so easy to quickly play out in the imagination getting a sense of being good, a chemical high and nothing else. Thus, a myopic focus, that happens in a quantum moment, becoming every moment. This is a de-manning ( demon) of self, sending a tie-me/ time dream elevated up there in the mind, un grounding the presence in reality. Thus, the equation of a truth, to pull one in, and a dream to tie one down in a fantasy that by design is a separation from real power, as that simple act of knowing the real score as self as a physical self, where things get done in real space.  The imaginative hyperbole is used after a truthful statement filled with promise, draws one in. This weakens the heart, or the essence of self. It is an imperfect practice of and as the instrument of life as the physical self.

So-called ‘ masters of industry’ simply practice real organization of the organ as the physical, meaning the resources of this earth, into industry, meaning they order the physical and real organ. Yet, unless they do so, ensuring no harm to any living thing, they too are not completely grounded in reality.  All the degrees of separation as each human as the degree of separation from practical physical reality,  can cause a competition that consists of following a dream that has been allowed to be larger-than-life as a focus that is different yet same, by subtle degree , as that equation of a truth coupled with a fantasy. That fantasy composed of inflamed values that are actions of excluding practical values that exist in balance in physical symbiotic nature, this earth. Even this earth at the moment, is less than its potential, as the very waters of existence are not evenly distributed in a balanced and effective act of sustaining what is here. Have a look, do we not use water to balance temperature, is this means not constructed? Yet, this may be too big of a jump, myself using hyperbole that may have some truth.  I am the product of such a system, I have to practice being simple and stop the holywood game within me. 

We may organize something in our daily lives. For example, I may, and have done this, rearrange my furniture after living in a home for a while. One day, I assess my home and have a ‘ vision’ of  changing the furniture arrangement. I assess it, imagine it ( okay- and correct use of the imagination) and move to physically rearrange. I may even change up the idea, and change the change as I move through the practical action of my idea/image. Afterwards, I stand and look at my re-creation and have a sense of satisfaction of ‘ pride’ in my capacity to do, even when on a simple scale such as this. I have become a ‘ master’ of my own industry within the dimensions of where I am at. I can enjoy this moment, without aggrandizing it, using it to make myself ‘ more’ than another, etc.. It is a simple act that I took to improve the space in which I live. 

In another dimension, I may have decided to take care of what I have as refurbish it, rearrange it to allow an environment of greater ease, as a solution, instead of going out and purchasing a whole new set of furniture because I have an idea that this is a solution, and because, to some degree, all-new-things, is somehow more fashionable, as it would be, in a consumerist society. I have had a sense that simply caring for what I have and rearranging it, is somehow counter intuitive to supporting this society. Thus, my pride as the simple self action, is colored with some guilt, a strange mix within me. Yet, that is the point of the ‘ superman’ layered story of colored, or polarized values, as such things so readily happen within me.  I forget enjoyment of the simple action of organizing as being present with what is here.  That pull into an extreme, as using a value judgement formulated without regard for effective and harmless actions that are enjoying a moment only, are impulsing me away from practicality and respect for the physical world that functions in simple terms. This pull into an idea of value, in my imagination, can go both ways, into a negative self definition or a positive self definition, either/or not realizing the simple enjoyment of organizing an organism as the physical. This physical being the means of everything I am.  Hard to see such simplicity with an overblown imagination moving counter to an innate ability to be the practice of  common sense. 

Thus, our ‘ masters of industry’ simply have a greater focus on the practical, and some can say, the means to move things around in the greater whole, which is why, resource acquisition is what our labor supports, even in giving to a church, that very standard of distracting through inner scaffolding, or scripting of information towards a belief in some greater life after this real life, this physical life, a life that would be creation, because being physical is creation manifest.  The thing we put energy into, as fighting, for resource, is revelatory of what is most real, as the physical. The time we spend as ideas, as stories of information in our imaginations, a quick and fast moving story where we live success in an instant, creating a false pride, is a mis-use of ourselves as life. It is that what we are, is so out of balance, and so habituated, the means using pieces of who and what we are, is so right in front of us, we will be astounded that we never saw this. Hopefully, it will happen before it is too late. There is a point of no return, a cancel of real life, as what cancer is and does.  

The solution is to breath, to slow way down and begin to see the patterns of deception, the patterns of de-ce-ption, the patterns of imagination superimposed on reality as an inner scaffold of ideas that is a bias made of aggrandized values in both directions, the bad and the good, as the negative that moves into a positive - the positive being a double consistently-practiced negative which is a giving up of self into the imagination. With moving focus into breathing, one begins to build a greater sense of self in relation to the whole of this reality. Then, is the work that turns into play, as sorting this all out and birthing self back into what is more natural, reordering the self, re-organizing the self - back into, and away from a scattered through a lie-by-omission self smothered in imagination as a false script filled with truths and colored with extremes - equal and one to what is the real universe, as the physical, where real creation happens. 

Real mastery is the realization that there are no masters, and there are no slaves. Real mastery respects all things, taking that which is good and does no harm. This is done right here, in the moment.  Use your imagination correctly, imagine walking down any street, through any wood, over any bridge, and having the space to admire this creation being in an effective and supportive and expansive order, where all children can walk wherever they want, without fear and with an open mind, learning to create, taking that which is good and does no harm. Is this not what we all want. Listen for it, it is there, it is under the illusion, and it is what we all desire. Slow down and breath. No one can do this, it takes all of us. The means is within us, each and every one. All the kings men, and all the king’s horses cannot put us back together again, What is cool is that it is natural for us to do this. 

Teach Talking as the Education of Experience Day 735

I played music for so long that I got to the point where when a mistake happened it meant correcting something, that is all.  There was no one to blame only the correction to make.

I remember a stand partner, who rushed at a certain point and myself becoming irritated because of this rushing. I could hear how the section was practiced. This player, who was capable, played the section as though it were an exercise. Within this, it means the group was no longer the connection, it was a meter and a line directing the player, without sensing the greater movement of the group. Thus, this stand partner was always a little ahead of the group movement. For me this meant having something else to listen to, the group’s rhythm and her rhythm. It is standing in a space with movement and there are conflicting movements happening. So that I do not become my stand partners ‘ meter in a space’ I had to listen past this player to remain grounded in the movement of the whole musical group.  My thought, laced with irritation, was that rushing through a section because one is either afraid of it, or does not really know it well enough (same thing) is not fun, lol, is not fundamental, meaning is not remaining grounded, as in listening to the whole and moving with it.  I also thought that this partner probably did not have the time to practice the piece, as the money paid for performing with this group, was not enough to allow that more careful practice. 

This stand partner probably had too many other things to do in the name of survival.  I know that because one can be asked to perform, and the idea of a payment that includes the time it takes to get musicians together to practice, is something that appears to not be in the awareness of the entities paying to have a performance, they do not seem to remember all the background time spent getting to a point where a person, and especially a group, comes together to make the desired music requested! So many times, I simply sight read themusic, yet, could hear that a greater intimacy and expression could be what was presented if there were but one or even two rehearsals. Everything starts to become a rush job, which ends up compounding over time, into such things as I experienced, as a stand partner who rushes in a certain section, no longer caring, just wanting to get through, even though, this person was probably aware of this, and did the best they could. They were uncomfortable afterwards, a subtle tension happening, which indicates a sense of not being in sync. We are, very aware, and very capable, we know what we do. We hear the backlash of justifications that are like a post balancing act to excuse our actions. This overall, reveals the means to correction is inherent in us at all times. We must become the living math of creation, accepting nothing but what balances us in being present in real time, with here, on this earth. This earth is the real orchestrated creation, capable of balancing itself out, to remain in harmony. lol, remain embracing here, or, wrapping our arms around here. Here is the ‘ oneness’ another word within the word harmony. The ‘y’ being an ‘ i’ as though we are individual and yet one at the same time. 

My point here, is reacting with irritation, is self interest and the projection of blame. In this case being annoyed that I have to counter movement with my stand partner, I have to listen to them and the whole, and remain balanced, where it would be more natural for us to move together, more pleasing, as I have had this experience too. Being in synch with the neighboring musician is fun. The being in synch is fundamental and thus more grounded. That feels more stable than countering movements. That I allow a countering movement to disturb me, where I react,  is not standing in stability. I should know enough, within experience, to know that listening and remaining stable, within the whole, is a greater state, as it often is then followed, and movements will naturally rebalance in space. Thus, reaction only fuels the fire of imbalance.

This brings me to the point of facing resistances, which are really only ‘ not having the whole story’ or a lack of addressing limitations. It is like getting stuck in a meter, or a measure, as an idea, or the consequence of such practice, as in not being up to a speed of considering some aspects.  In this, one is leaving a part of one’s self behind and enetering a bubble of contrasting beats lacking connection to the whole. This separation in turn will be the voice, will be the seeming resistance, and the ensuing justifications will reverberate, just as they have within myself, and as a tension between two people. as that justification happens in silence, yet is present in the space. With my stand partner, it meant a couple of rehearsals where we did not speak to one another, as though we were hiding that past, it being too close to the moment and thus remembered. Things like this happen a lot within the inherent intimacy of playing an instrument, where the body is so focused on time and space. One cannot hide. After all, we have a saying in music that if one can hear the player thinking, they do not really know the piece. One plays in such a way, that the listener cannot hear the thinking. 

My point here, is that the state of not being connected, in any given situation, will cause the storm of separation, as all the justifications and beliefs come forward. There is no escaping it.  The solution is to never react, as I did with irritation, it only fuels the fire. I must expect the limitations, not allow them to irritate me, and to the best of my ability, listen to what is here, and ground myself within that, telling the real story, bringing it back to myself, as who and what I am as a physical being, here.  

I said something yesterday in the presence of two other people. Immediately there was a reaction.  The one person that reacted, did not speak, they simply made a grunting noise. lol.  I wanted the person to speak up, yet, in some ways they could not.  They needed more information before speaking up. For me, it is allowing such things to happen not expecting them or resisting them, as in so many ways I am in an orchestrated set body of information that has lost its connection to the whole. Thus, every move is grounding myself no matter what. This means, bringing it back to self/

What precipitated this blog is a message written by one of our autistic children. 

“DARING EACH TALKING PERSON TO WALK IN SILENCE FOR PEOPLE TO USE EDUCATION IN EXPERIENCE. YES. GIVE THE CHALLENGE. TEACH TALKING IS SO MEANINGFUL WHEN YOU LIVE WITHOUT IT DAILY LIKE ME AND FELLOW TYPERS"

Here is the link to the video:

https://www.facebook.com/leslie.h.weed/videos/10206438532902033/?pnref=story

It is that statement of “ daring each person to walk in silence ( and ) for people to use EDUCATION IN EXPERIENCE. 

Then, to place this statement into “ teach talking” is astounding, as it means, for me, that this woman is saying to only speak, to only talk, from real experience. It suggests for me, that this autistic person is saying that there is too much speaking about things that one has no real experience with and as, This means that we all talk within speaking memorized theories about things, which have no real substance, and thus, cannot really be heard because there is no real understanding. This means so few speak or move from being present, from experience, from real living. This child realizes that few are really listening, few are hearing the silence, to then speak in consideration of what is here, what is real. She is saying, for me, that speaking from real experience has much greater substance, and thus meaning, and that without this, life is very difficult. 

Within this, I realize that when I bring whatever information comes towards me, back to self, back to my living experiences, as practical things I have done, I can tell a real story, one that has greater meaning in that it can be shared and given, as real solutions, even within grounding my own mistakes from speaking as theory before real experience. To do this often means listening to myself and what it means to practice being here, in this reality, on this earth. 

In terms of my experiences within music, instead of blaming and spiting, it is to realize how the present system influences outcomes, and to not become irritated, to remain as much as possible within being grounded and stable, to the point where I ‘ teach talking’ through an educing, or education ( of) experience opposed to theory- as something I memorized or lived within my imagination only, without real practical application.  With my stand partner, it might have been to say something like, ‘ I sometimes have to become more mechanical than present, because I do not always have the time to practice a section because I am so busy making a living” Such a statement might not allow the space to change this, immediately, yet it will not inflame a situation. Instead it will bring in more compassion, a compass of understanding that in turn creates a more peaceful environment that then causes less tension, opening more space to process this reality. This would change the very nature of the next time a passage comes along that is not integrated as well as one would want, and be played in such a way that there is more awareness of the self in relation to the surroundings, and what then is played, is a ‘ talking’ that is more aware of a real experience. Often such insight opening, in itself, begins a self correction because there is more space and time, than we are aware of when lost in reactions, to live a real change into being more aware, present and grounded. It is in this space that corrections are made, are lived. 

Thus, when I talk, when I speak, I bring it back to myself, and I fear nothing, because I am here. I can educate through a talk that is of experience rather than theory. I can cross reference what is real, what has a meaning grounded in practice, in experience. This does not irritate, this grounds. This has not the clutter of an imagination of ideas about things, memorized, without real practice, this has a greater substance, and that is what really educates a person. This is sharing real experience, practical living experience.  Of course, this child admits that so many are not listening, and instead  talking theory instead of reality. This is what is here, thus reactions and the scream of theory, and the justifications for this theory are all around us, meaning that scream of limitation is going to happen, nothing to take personally, and not something that can define who and what I am. Will I make mistakes, as I am a product of this present system, yes. Well, I did not learn to crawl and to walk, or to play the violin without making mistakes. I am the only person that decides who and what I am, no one else can do that for me. I can become more grounded here, in this living reality. This is who and what I really am. 

Day 629 The Follower, the Habit of Limitation.

The Follower,  habit of limitation.

We learn by following. Somehow, this means of expanding and learning, has become stagnant. We get stuck in the following, the taking in of form, and get bogged down in this process, losing that which is the means to follow, to take in, to receive, that what we are receiving, as what we are allowing, gets lost within the overall step of having a perspective of what we follow. Of course, if we are in a box during our developmental years, there is nothing to cross reference in the moment: we memorize the form only. We accept it without recognition into the whole, as this life we must participate within to live. We are fed a lot of knowledge and information, with a busy work that creates a smoke and mirrors show of information to memorize, with little time in the inherent scheduling of this, to apply a practice in actual real living as what we essentially do in our adult years. So, it is like a blinding busyness of parts that are good, but the method of delivery is the means of separation into a cognitive map that becomes like its own story that manifests as a running train in the head, this moving so fast, the real world outside the windows of our minds -our memory fabric, can no longer be seen. And it is composed of truths playing an associative game in a bubble. The veil. We built it, we accepted it, we allowed it. We can blame no one but ourselves and only we, each one, can change it. Since it was built, it can be deconstructed and reconstructed.  Life ultimately, is forgiving, because this is the nature of life. Life will if allowed and accepted. 

My own habit of following the authority of my environment, built by the generations that came before me, and my own acceptances and allowances, races so fast, as me, as this is what I practiced, appears impossible to stop, to slow down. I must remind myself of a segue moment, where, just as if I were running very fast, that momentum and speed needs the physical act of slowing down and turning the tides within me, of my belief, my accepted opinions, my ideas, my personification, how I define myself.

I automatically follow, so habituated to this am I. I did not stand grounded and assess what I followed, as a form, and cross reference practical application and the consequences of this to the world around me, that world I so wanted to participate within.  The practice of slowing down, seeing my acceptances and allowances, and grounding myself in reality, seems daunting, and yet, the more I practice this, the more ease I have in communication with reality, the physical. So, it is like the view from the follower remains and the ability to communicate and ground spreads through me in a moment. The old follower wanting to cry in the frustration of following only, within accepted limited beliefs, and the new joy underneath, that of being able to face the limitations and communicate a means to realizing solution, as what gives self direction within and without. The joy of living. It is time to take back one’s joy. The follower believing suddenly that perhaps the worth is not there, as oneself. Yet the worth is the measure of the follower speaking up and not the process of respecting life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to follow only.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as a belief that I am unworthy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am unworthy not seeing realizing and understanding that this is the limitation of my accepted and allowed measure built of limited values, habituated without cross reference into the practice of living a physical life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am unworthy of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to cry for and about the construct of limitation I accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that movement within and as me, as energy, as the division of myself into limited values, to define myself, as I believed that this, that was my creation, was more than the reality around me as life, that which would be information as the physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame and spite, in self interest within and as my accepted and allowed self aggrandizement.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself  to want to become indignant, in and as a belief that the fault is not mine, when it is because I projected blame and spite instead of solution as in respecting life, as in being thankful for simply being in life, as the physical, as this is life in expression.

I forgive myself for not slowing down and considering all things, in every moment here.

I forgive myself for abdicating myself as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the fault of limitation as knowledge and information only, without practical application in respect of the physical world, as the physical is life information, is creation in form.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to follow only, ideas, beliefs, and opinions, in a metaphysical way, creating a paranormal existence within and as me, all in separation from being a living word, as in respecting myself and the physical world around me in thought, word and deed, here.

When and as I find myself falling back into the habit of following only, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I accept my own accepted and allowed limitations, as the self definitions of the mind, and I follow through into cross referencing the practice of living as a physical beingness as life would, into and as a transformation within and as myself into and as what is best for all, until I am here, grounded, at ease, self directive, present, here.

When and as I find myself following, I stop and I breath, and I take that which is good and does no harm, as what is best for all, and I cross reference, as respect, as enjoy, as communicate, as interact, with the without as the physical to equalize the within to the without, and in so doing, let go of myself as mind, losing everything to gain everything, to become the full potential of myself as life here.

When and as I find myself following, as my habit of limited knowledge and information where I judge one thing as more than another, and as such resist based on my ideas of value to survive, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, I stand within and as the tension of my practice, my accepted measure as energy, as belief, and I ground myself here, as the past does not define me here in this moment.

When and as I find myself funneling into and as a movement that is a tension, like pulling myself into strings of expression, to project without,  I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, as let go, as open up, and bring back into and as a consideration of all things, as a cross reference to life here, as the physical, to enjoy the expression of life here, as a man, to enable myself to communicate what is best for all, to become equal in understanding in and as the practice of physical life, as this is the expression of life in form, as this is the value, as this here, is life.

Day 613 Presence as mind only or presence as Equality to life? Which is the choice of freedom?

When I am playing in a Chamber group, I have to listen to all the parts, and the whole, like I am the parts and thew whole. Depending on where I sit, I also have to pay attention to the movement of the bow of the section leader and/or person in front of me, because the bow can also tell/show me the measure of what is being played in relation to the whole, kind of like the bow can be another metronome ( nominal meter/measure) of space and time within the context of playing. 

In so many ways, this is the same action as learning how to walk; it is sensing this world, the physical space of this actual real physical world. Our ability to see this directly informs the very ‘ measure of us, here. In all common sense, because of this, we can really only be here because this is where we are - mental simulations or not, -we can, because we are here, only be here. In the end this is us living life, respecting it.

I was at a meeting last night, and I found myself getting tense. My left leg and my chest were tensing up. It all started to hurt, as I sat in a chair and talked/interacted with the people present in body/mind in the space. 

A lot of the talk was about health.  In tandem with this talk about what we eat, was talk about being positive. One woman said that since she has taken more care of what she eats, she notices that she is more aware of her environment. I am not in her head, so I cannot know what experiences she had to justify this are true or not true. What I noticed more, was that she never really said anything, everything was about being positive, and such statements about how much she noticed her environment, without any real explanation as to what precisely that meant in any intimate detailed way. Making a statement that one is noticing their world more, only, reveals nothing about what that means. Collectively the group becomes this kind of stagnate awe, and I start to get tense, because I feel that I am having to accept something, to agree, without really knowing what is meant because it is not made clear with any sense of detail. I mean, some general statement of “ being more aware of the environment” really is not saying anything when only these words are presented. If I accept this, then what I am accepted is an idea without any real practical defining/clarification in detail. I move more into assumption or embarrassment because I have not had this experience. And yet, how do I know if i have had this or not if it is not clarified and only accepted as a statement? This is acceptance without investigation, without practice, it is a conceptual end game/name.

I notice the quiet in the group, evident in that no one asks for clarification as to what that meant in detail. Some just remain silent, some smile and place an expression of awe on the faces. Since this was a group of people involved in health, I realize that each had a desire to become healthy, and were ‘ dreaming’ of becoming healthy. I mean, this is cool to want to become more aware of one’s body, which taking the time to consider what one places in their body, is cool because it is a step in the direction of becoming more self responsible. This imagining “ becoming” healthy” only, is another way to self realize our own stagnate conceptual ability, so slow is the movement within, and yet, we learned to walk, to crawl, which meant conceptualizing in a direct way, building a structural awareness that directed in efficient and effective ways, which is our capacity, yet somehow we begin to move as molasses and get stuck in slow motion, where the motions are not bad and our capacity to inform on a another is diminished as awe as behavior, like an excitement, becomes us. In science, excited states can create chemical reactions within that we can become addicted to,  and the “ more’ in idea only, becomes a form of entertainment within, and we feel good because we have allowed this heightened inner sense to define us, but there is always a crash, and then the struggle begins. This inner polarized emotional/feeling state over practical application, which is being here, equal and one in practice of being physical, is making the within greater than the without. This is separation from the value being life, where this value is respected, thus the physical world is respected as life.

Overall, this in total shows how much one can get caught in an idea, and not question things, because the idea has become like an idol in one’s head, like an obsession that is so much as self interest that being present here, and asking questions in detail about what another means in practice  is seldom if ever walked through. It is a stagnate state of expressing, where presence here to and with the parts and the whole as the “ music” of the space of here, is not ‘ played’ with, is not cross referenced, is not made intimate. The irony is, if we opened up with one another beyond such statement of “ I am more aware of my environment”  we could all learn from looking outward in equal measure to what we are within. We are really only, most of the time, conceptualizing in our heads only, without opening up and sharing, in detail, with the environment around us. Because of this, we live outwardly statements that have no real clarification. In other words we do not really come here, we do not really bring our presence here, thus we are not really living here. Most of our lives are spent in our heads.

Meanwhile, I am getting tense, and as this is myself on a journey to life, because I am the one who has to do this, as no one can do this for me, I have to stop myself from going into judgment and slow down, breath, ground myself here. My own tension, is because I am judging, I am looking at the measure within this group, the measure of presence being focused within, via the words that are not very descriptive, and how I, as a socially accepted behavioral measure, must remain within the group as the measure of my own expression. I do speak up, at times, but I also realize to jump from statements of general ideas, to intimate details, can be too much of a sudden change of measure. What do you think moving through the eye of the needle means? It means to conceptually be fluid in being able to move in space here, in this physical world, even understanding the form and flow of our present system,. If we really look at it, we will see that it really makes no sense in terms of supporting life. And life is the value.

When I get tense, I am within my own ideas about what should be, how to bring what I believe into the measure of the moment.  If I am not aware of how a person becomes the very measure of insight as what they are, as their focus within on ideas, because the within is a measure of reality which is an idea about reality, and what is going on without, as this actual physical world in its movement and measure in detail, meaning the way the very minerals and other components exist in this space of reality, then I cannot really be aware of here, I am not really present, I cannot move in sync with the whole, just as I am when playing in a musical group. I have to be aware of the time and space length, duration, intensity, physical movement of things etc. to remain in the measure as the piece in total! So, playing in a musical group, is like how life should be lived! 

A  note - so to speak, is a unit, a measure that builds,  it is the focus here, here, here , here, as the physical world, that brings the ease, because the measure of the whole as self being this within, is what focuses self as life to become equal to the very volume of life as everything, because the physical is as much life as what is going in inside the head ONLY. When statements are made, and oggled at, without developing the understanding in detail within the whole, one is really living in mind only, so conceptually, ones moving within in a very limited con-text as mind, and is not equal to life, because life would not divide into ignoring some aspects, it would accept all aspects and move and breath and interconnect as one, each separate part moving as one, each individual expression moving as one, and for this, each part must be present, equal within to the without, as the physical.  Thus, the system of inequality on earth, is a crime against life. Each member of this orchestra of life, must be, in presence measure, listening to the whole and the parts, developing an awareness of the outer and the inner measure of this world as self within and the physical without and the systems we have accepted and allowed that are the measure of having lived within without reference to the without as the physical as being of equal import as who and what we are, where nothing is more than another because each part expresses life. A socially engineered .system of hierarchy that suppresses the presence of life within will not work, because it does not give the space and time for the presence within all things to be the response of life as what each is. Such a system cannot and will not work, no words of justification, no one sided touting will  change this, no armies bullying an idea from some centralized dictate will change this, it simply cannot be done because it is not the nature of life.  In this, we all need one another to be present in equal measure to the space without and the space within - so to speak.  This can only happen here, in this moment. Our memories must be equal to here, of equal measure in focus to here. 

Meanwhile, back to myself again. lol. It is not that looking at this, in measure, that is the problem within myself, it is where I allow myself to become upset about it, because becoming upset is not being present in the measure and expanding that measure to become a balanced within and without equality. This is me realizing what I have done, as I have not really lived life because I was the same, which was being an end game as mind only so much of my life. When I react to this emotionally. I allow this to bother me as though it is some great injustice. And being this state of being as thinking this is some great injustice, I am no different than the women who becomes an awe about some idea without taking the time to consider in practice what such a statement made by another really mans in practice.   And this is the solution, to slow down, to realize the measure of self within, and to bring focus and presence awareness to the without world as the physical - within and without - where the dis-ease is also the within presence not being aware of itself in detail within!  And within this to realize the separation because one has to correct a practice of separation, and bring this back down to earth, ground this here because one can only hear what is going on in practice, in expression, here. One has to take that presence ability to measure space , and relate to the physical and self, as this is respecting all life.

My tension is myself inferior to life and it is me rushing within to judge as a point of superiority, as in all common sense, the only thing that can be done in such a situation is to begin to walk the presence of self back into the measure of awareness of the inner beingness being focused here to the outer world as the physical. The hierarchies as the mind, are what separates and creates the existential system imposed on the physical by men, without. It is a system that forces separation and it is here because each of us has believed that what imagery we hold within is more that what allows that imagery to exist, which is the physical world. Thus, our present system cannot work, no touted words using the means of life as sound are going to make it work, it simply cannot work by design. Like the mind, in each , the signs of hierarchy into inequality  are disrupting the physical, and the outcome is as the story of the bible, one that ends in total annihilation of life. Period. 

In this situation, I cannot react, I can only journey myself back to life, to inform myself equally within to the without, the above to the below to stand as two or more in the name of life as the substance of the physical, as cross referencing the physical world in ways that do no harm, to remain stable in respect of this, yesterday, today and tomorrow, as this is giving as I would receive, which is the equation in word of equality and oneness, which is being here, listening here to reality, being respectful and gracious of the life that is me, without, walking the practice of being in equal measure to all things which is consideration of all things.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as idea only.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to a measure of awareness within expressed in words, in statements, not seeing realizing and understanding that I can understand this, as it does not define me, and as such I can accept the measure here, to understand and then forgive that measure through bringing it back into practical application as what would ground in understanding here as respecting the physical world which means looking at the sound, the form, the function of the actual physical world, and the systems accepted and allowed that miimic limitation that must come to support all life as being the value, which begins with myself here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself into ideas as mind only.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge, to punish a measure of presence in another, to believe that this is separate from me, to not see, realize and understand that this is a measure, a volume of presence and that the solution within this, is to equalize in awareness of physical reality, in all the measures of space here, as length, duration, intensity, volume, quality, tempo, to become the presence of self absorbing here, this reality as being life, realizing that this is the definition of being life because life would be a structure that expresses as what the physical world is.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to statements that are not followed through in detail, and to within this, judge the statement and the person making the statement as less, not seeing realizing and understanding that this is me in another live as awareness of the measure of the expression of life in form, and the informed within and as mind.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how when I judge and become a reaction in any way, I am separating from practical application of living and  by the default as mind only, moving into energy as polarizing into values of more than and less then to justify, which is not being practical here, equal and one to the measure of life in expression, as creation as the physical world here, the way and the means of life in expression, the way and the means of creation here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become an energy of superiority, judging the limitations of presence locked in idea only, as being less than myself, as this is not what I would want from another for myself, thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become as that which I judged, to label another as less, not seeing realizing and understanding the measure of the presence of life, and modeling/living/practicing that which grounds here, into equal consideration of all life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear change, to fear the change, the segue process in movement within into equalizing presence to the without as the physical world, as there is nothing to judge within and as this, as in every moment it is to consider all things and to take that which is good, to ground oneself here, and to within this, see, realize and understand that in every moment this is in so many ways a reciprocal action as the without reveals the very measure of myself within.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have expectations, which is my within separating from the without, as ignoring the gift of myself as life to sense with the presence of myself as life, as self, the space and movement and measure of here as the physical as creation, where I stand equal and one in walking my presence as grounding myself here, with creation, within and as that which does not harm, using the means of expression, as word and deed, ensuring that my thoughts are a cross reference to here, as the physical world, respecting life and realizing within this that the separation from life as the minds of men, exists because of what has been accepted and allowed, thus, as life, it is to model life, which requires no judgement, and to be thankful that when and as I move into judgement, the energy of this, that which is unsound, becomes a movement within and as me as my human physical body being unbalanced and in a state of dis-ease, meaning lacking the ease of focus here, without judgement, as the self equal and one in full volume of and as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have had thoughts to and towards limited statements within and as my mind, such as “ this in incredibly ignorant” or, ‘ why does this woman not see that she is not really saying anything” or “ how the hell am I supposed to deal with this” 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move into emotions of believing that the process of journeying myself into life, here, is impossible.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress myself, as in tensing up in my chest area and in my left leg, not wanting to look at my own self interested desires, wants and needs based on ideas, that I  have allowed to have me behave in superior ways which is not modeling, expressing living here, equal and one in measure of consideration of physical reality, as this is life in expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am not good enough and that I am a failure within and as creating a change where others recognize themselves as life in physical formation here, when I have walked this process for some time and realize that it is a journey of resounding self back into grounding oneself here equal and one with and as the physical world, thus all I can do is practice walking into becoming equal and one with reality, which is to ground myself here, in consideration of what does no harm to the physical and as such considers all things.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire recognition through myself here, when the greatest gift is to allow another the self discovery of self as life, as this is the strongest measure of standing as life here, because it is giving as one would want to receive, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to punish myself based on having ideas about how things should move, which is a separation within from being present here, walking the practice of respect for all life as the physical, which is to walk into the moment to become the solution of considering all things and taking that which is good and does no harm here.

When and as I find myself becoming tense within and as me, I slow myself down, I breath, I ground myself here, I forgive the judgmental measure within and as me as a movement within as rejection of some quality that I make a bad because I fear it defining me, and I accept that and I look at what I want to ‘ push’ onto the situation as a movement within, where there is a sucking like a pulling to push a value as an idea out to grab the attention of others onto that which I want to validate within and as me, as this is where I project blame onto another, or spite the measure in protection of myself as mind, as belief, as idea, and I stop,, breath, forgive the thoughts, the movement of myself within that is of energy, racing, desiring, based on limited insight, not being equal to here, and I resound the parts and the whole, to become the resounding of the physical world, something that will take time, as this was not learned, though this was self that learned to crawl, to walk, as this is the way as myself as the gift of life into equality and oneness with creation, accepting all life, which means to accept the physical world, which means to bring heaven to earth, to exist in equality and oneness to and as life here.

When and as I find myself becoming tense, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I investigate the actual physical quality of what is here, to understand practical purpose, of the physical, to realize what would be a movement that does no harm, that considers all things, to ground myself here, to begin the practice of moving through the eye-of-the-needle to equalize myself to life through cross reference, investigation of here as physical means of life and the practice thereof, to begin a journey to become a steward of this earth, this home, this that is me in another form, the physical.

When and as I find myself having the thought that this is too much, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and see realize and understand that though it may be too late for earth because the separation from self as life within and as mankind, I see , realize and understand that the only solution, no matter what, is to walk myself, to journey myself back into equality and oneness with and as life here as the real living ease that we all seek, is to ground ourselves here, equal and one to build a memory that sees directly here, equal and one with and as the physical world here.

When and as I find myself tensing up within and as my chest and left leg, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I see realize and understand that the sense of me as life, is a presence that is so able by nature to move through the eye of the needle, as the physical, to sense form and function, just as the presence of myself can hear the parts and the whole of the music within a group, something that can develop with time, and can begin to move exponentially if one focuses here, as this is the nature of self as life, just as the nature of a child can learn to crawl and to walk, such is the greatness of the movement of life here, as men will be creative and inventive as can be seen with all the technologies that develop practices that are less abusive to this earth, such as solar power, such as eating healthy nutrient dense foods, such as allowing children to interact directly with the greatest technology that exists which is the actual real physical earth world here, all of which means that we can order this earth in ways that support all life, where no matter where our children walk, they encounter no harm, which is what we would have wanted for ourselves.

When and as I find myself having the thought that another is limited, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I assess the measure of belief, and I investigate the actual real physical world here, and I share my own investigations as suggestions about information that I understand, or am beginning to understand to ask the questions as to what are we not seeing realizing and understanding within a practical physical reality, as this is the carrier of ourselves here as life,

When and as I find myself losing my breath, as iN breathing without ease, as in breathing in an erratic way, I stop and I slow way down, and ground myself here, becoming silent within, forgiving  ideas, beliefs and opinions of doom and gloom, “ what if’s” such as “ this person will reject me, or will no longer ‘ like’ me” and I stop, I breath, and I realize that this cannot define me, as what define me is life here, as the physical as this is how I  exist period.