Automation is visible Day 806

I noticed this morning a subtle bitterness surrounding me. Yesterday, I had entered a home after knocking on the door, which caused a dog in the home to become excited and bark. I was told not to knock because it excited the dog and to instead, enter without knocking. I noticed a slight irritation in the tone of voice used to convey this way of entry. I realized that in the heat of the moment, a peace interrupted, I might have reacted in the same manner. I let this go, because it lead to a place that was not productive. Later I went and reviewed the moment, to realize the switch. 

Then, I noticed this bitterness that I have noticed before, become present in my own cycles of behavior that I am in the process of noticing. They are no longer as large, yet whispers of them exist.  I ask to what was I not paying attention in that moment of sorting out my own habituated behaviors of protection and defense of myself, based on ideas of what defines who and what I am.  In some ways, I could say I am more aware of a general field of movement around me, than only that of the emotional fears within and as me. It is, a change of focus, from a currency of inflamed values projecting a story of protection over a story of greater presence and consideration of all that is me here. It is coming back into the very fabric of this reality. 

I looked at the sense of dread in the last couple of weeks, and upon moving to engage with others,  this sense of “ what if” comes up. It is a question as to whether or not I can in deed, do that which I move to share with greater clarity, which is bringing more focus into the practical reality as that very fabric that composes who and what I am as a physical expression of life.

I reviewed accelerated learning techniques. One area has to do with right and left brain use. The maths, that are more detailed oriented, are left brain oriented. Music, dance, art and the investigation of global issues are more right brain oriented and have an outcome of increasing overall information processing speeds. The contrast of these physically demanding skill sets, and being aware of global movements, is telling in itself. Being aware of global movements would by definition demand a greater presence of the physical use of resources in this reality, thereby enhancing awareness of the physical use of self, just as music and dance and art does. My one son is studying art. I talked with him the other day about automation. As one masters a skill set in regards to art, as in music, one gets to a point where one notices that what one has built becomes automated and can run away with one, if one does not catch it. One must go back to the basics to ensure one does not become automated in one’s actions. This can appear to be tedious, because one has to slow down and relook at the small. That means slowing down the automated movement that can feel like a running train inside one. My son already has started to notice this, well, if he can, and I have, it is more natural than I make out here! Yet, these skill sets demand that presence because they involve physical movement and not only imaginative movement within a set framework of information. One is seeing movement in physical time and space, the medium demands it. To do, one must reference physical movement. I see global resource use and movement as something that demands paying attention to the physical reality, and thus, this is why such awareness is placed in right brain function. This is turn would build a greater ability to process information faster. One has a physical reference of a living fabric. In contrast, only referencing a set body of information memorized within, would by design move more slowly. 

When I entered this home and had a slight reaction to a response towards my actions, that caused a momentary upset of behavior in the home, my focus on my own fear of definition, was a set box of beliefs that had nothing to do with the moment- even if the emotional response to my actions could have been cared for in a more gentle manner. It does not matter. I was distracted for a moment, on a belief, and though I could see around my own limitations in a moment, my own subtle reactions were still a distraction. They were also an automation, a running away of my own ideas about me, than any real movement in being present in the living fabric of reality;  that reality that must be used in such skill sets that involve more right brain activity, such as music, art, dance and global issues. I wold say, imagine all your words being learned in reference to that fabric, instead of only a set body of information,  or in protection and defense of inner beliefs that are a mis-use of a natural ability to be present and sense the very geometry of what is here as this physical reality? 

I would think that such reference would create a more stable human being, as that same part of self that can with skill set development, be able to recognize automation, which is noticing a subtle and slight separation from what one generates within and the movement of reality around one. What is also interesting is that once one can notice this, automation setting in, one can more readily recognize it in the movement of others. It is to say, “ too late” it is too visible, meaning once noticed there is no going back. Yet even here one must be careful. The same could be said of belief systems. Which is why if one should notice this, it would cause conflict should one point this out, because in effect one is pushing on an entity - as a time line of a series of values that has rolled itself up into  a ball and run away with itself - that entity is going to have a reaction as having to self realize and slow down and rebuild. That action in itself, is a change of pace that some may see as only a sudden change in itself.  That change is not necessarily a bad, but can appear to be disruptive if one is only focused on the momentary change. Overall, developing a presence, the kind that is of the right brain being involved, would enable one to not only see the parts ( those automated events) but also the context within which such automations are moving. Yet again, this is what the physical engagement of music, art and dance, and looking at the movement on the greater stage as global movement, would by design build within the self.  It gets pretty simple. It would be the same if one generated more words, or, had a mastery of words to the degree that one could read the overall generation and the self, as a relationship between the two, because one would begin to self realize what one generated as one would no longer have to think about the words as much. This is to place using language like paint, or notes, or a movement in and of itself, and to have the contrast of how resources are moving on a global scale, and how language is both a means to seeing patterns and being placeholders of information thereby improving memory skills and what distracts one from seeing the real fabric of earth, as the physical. Chaos is really being caught in a storm in a teacup. Yet that chaos made huge, as an inflammatory story, of limited values, is the stuff of distraction. I believe Noam Chomsky has said that people are distracted through huge arguments in a narrow focus/framework. 

One of the qualities that allow recognition of automated behaviors is a sense of being incomplete, which has a nature of restlessness to it. On some level the amazing ability of the self to understand automation, is to realize that somehow one has lost a stable foundation, as a mastery of self direction. At the same time, when realized as such, it becomes visible that allowing automation within to determine the self, has no long term gain. There is a sense that the rush is simply not worth it, its promise one of a false positive. One must pull back into what has greater longevity, to what can withstand the test of time.  Probably more struggle with correcting this than we realize, because in the end we cannot but NOT notice this. And we each know when we are not correcting it. This is why all hate is really self hate. As who and what we are, we are the means of awareness, so we cannot but recognize what we are doing within ourselves. 

I can see that even within writing this out, that bitterness I mentioned earlier, is really a state of fear. It is a state of fearing to lose something, which is really a means of showing myself that it is a demand within myself to slow down and investigate what is not in synch with what would being an ease of standing with what can be held that is always here all around me, as that very fabric of which I speak, that I need not fear losing, that the uncertainty can find constancy.  It is a fear of building a mistake, instead of realizing the building of being in a place where one can recognize an inner automation running away with itself. It is to realize a faith in recognizing when one ‘s presence as placement of awareness is steady and not of an automation as being the capacity of what it means to be human. Most masters understand this, and have that kind of faith, the company of which is the realization of the benefits of patience. Thus bitterness is really where I have not slowed down and investigated the expression of a relationship that opens a sharing of being present, meaning, a sharing of being present with this very capacity within me to recognize automation. It is describing something by what it is not. Sometimes, resistance reveals a point of change. Sometimes, recognition of automated behaviors has a similarity in that one has come to a point of a need to include a greater awareness. 

Writing about consequences Day 794

There is ample here, to substantiate, which means having trust in the physical. The trust, can mean remaining steadfast, stable and strong, being focused on the ‘ tree’ the wood, the substance of what can be trusted, as the nature of the wood of a tree is more trustworthy than any thing created by man. I mean, look at the whole hiding behind trade secrets as a ‘ trust’ of a corporation,  to hide what are questionable practices.  There is no transparency, and yet, a tree is transparent. It allows its form and function, its system, to be seen, in plain sight. It is strong, and steadfast, always creating oxygen for us to breath.  There is no patent on this, and that monopoly that hides behind trade secrets,  cannot exist without those trees. There is no excuse for  hiding practices behind so-called trade secrets or statements of ‘ the science is settled ‘ - this is simply common sense. Unless, one is lost in the resonant veil of limited information, busy ignoring , as recognizing the physical world, one that is an efficient and effective system, much more so, than anything mankind has built. A comparison in contrast is realizing how sick Americans are over time. I mean, one in 48 children developing autism, or any other cognitive dis-order, is simply a reflection of a mis-use of the physical system of the body.  We cannot blame the existent systems, because what was scripted was the golden rule in elementary school, to do no harm, to not do what one would not want for the self.  In legal terms, when we do not live by this rule,  made clear, given to each, and visible to parents who send their children to school,  it is us who accept self abdication of living by this one rule that is the rule of all things, because it is, as a rule, the expression of life, the very nature of life, the nature of creation.  

Controlling time is controlling resources, that which one can manipulate, as the media, to bring forward information, as the story of and as events also using sound as words, to overlay a story of mis-information, as a form of limitation, that stagnates- through division - one’s presence from what is real, from the means, as the resources, as what one is, as life, the very means , as the building blocks of life.  One can program, with a false narrative, what is the belief of the absorbers, as men, to place them in a movie of imagery that does not fit into what is life, as the physical. What is con-trolled , meaning what is trolled, as  and through voice begging attention to distract one from the real story using polarized statements coupled with objects to carry the colored value judgements, hammered in a repetitive impulsing formula. The real story, is the resource that is the form composed of the building blocks that compose the physical. The real story is the object spewing the mis-informative means ! 

Why would we place our children in a limited environment, as our school system, for 13 years? We remove them from the real resources, and we place them in a storied book about that living resource to inFORM them. It is done with words, as pictures are words as information.  Then, how the mechanism moves can be controlled, because it has been trolled!  lol, ‘ troll’ is much like a coloratura device in music, as the ‘ trill,’ a flutter of busy-ness. Thus, sound, as words, are used as a means of manipulation and control. Thus, what is taught from the impulsing texts in separation from reality, is that troll under the bridge, using you as a resource, to through ‘news’ feed ( in a box as TV, internet.schooled room ) feed its desire.  The acceptance of this, is acquiescence, and an abdication of the self as life.  It is asking someone else to be responsible for what one becomes.  It is a series of relationships! These relationships are limited, of limited construction, as that belief that a general scaffold of information is a good, and yet, it is just that, general, which is not enough to build real self actualization. It is interesting, that in the research in reading skills development, that when one has developed effective spelling skills, one is more inclined to self actualize! 

This means overall that the means of manipulation is through words, and yet the means of self actualization is through words. The natural ability of a human being is to expand, as become aware of the forms used,  to then, relate that form to the world around us. I mean, how does nature reproduce itself? Through seeds! When healthy, it is of an exponential growth! Thus, when we effectively know the sounds used, as the words, we eventually relate that to the world around us, self actualizing as we expand in our relating, or our relationships.  If we are doing, as moving, what we have practiced, which is moving words within a general memorized scaffold of limited ( trolled) information,  it will take time to sort through this, usually into our adult years, to realize the accepted limitations that needed more detail, more direct reference to the living fabric as the physical reality, in order to move ourselves effectively in this resource as the physical that is the means of who and what we are!  

In logistical fallacies, there is a reaction of disqualifying what someone says, because one does not want others to know that one does not understand what is being brought forward by another person. It is a form of denying that which we do not understand, because we distract from other’s words to defend our ignorance, knowing we did not consider what is being said!  This is a strange form of self protection, one that is hurtful not only to the self, but to others. It is another form of trolling, which is denying what is expansive.. Quite the spin of mis-informing!  I would think those times when someone storms away, this very action is manifest. One can realize this, because it becomes much like a key change in a piece of music, one that moves into a dissonance, where the notes are seemingly causing a discordant sound, instead of a balanced and substantive sound. This would mean that we as men, as sensory machines, composed of the very resources that are around us, have the most perfect of capacities to recognize the most subtle of manipulations, which is totally awesome. Yet, we have to use this that is what we are. We must recognize where we have become a habit of moving into protection and defense, to hide ignorance, which is an action of fear, visible as resistance, as pushing away, or running away.  Thus, resistance, is always a form of self hate! It cannot define who and what we are unless we allow it. And, it is pretty simple, because when we know the means of manipulation, as the words, as the spells we are singing,/performing, we are moving more in the direction of self actualization.  We are able to hear the changes in key, that are either resisting what is here, or embracing what the forms are around us - be them of limitation and resistance and/or stagnate social action as non-em-bracing and problem solving, or of enjoying, taking and using, what is ample, as sound, and ensuring one's natural ability to substantiate what is ‘ on the momentary stage’ or ‘ table’ or plain/plane , define the seeing of it, as realizing the aspects of and as it, and then using this to come up with what would effectively and efficiently utilize that to build/bild/picture what includes and considers all things, which is what is more natural, as it is when we are more at ease  that we tend to step out of circular reasoning and realize solutions. Just remember all those times one was stuck in a circular logic, and some tiny thing, lol, or loud thing, happened to interrupt one’s bubbled attention, opening a tiny crack as one changed dimensions, to get that tiny flash, like a quantum moment, and in that moment of interruption, suddenly realizes a solution, one where all the steps are realized to solve a problem, to the extent one wonders how one could have missed the simple in the first place! This state of seeing the sum of the parts, and their interactions, is that great sensory ability in action, it is also of a quality of more ease, which one could call ‘ enlightenment.’ This natural state is more rapid in its processing of information. Is this not similar to how quickly a child learns? Is this perhaps a more natural state? Is this not showing us, that we have separated ourselves from what is a more natural state? Thus, if our words are memorized in a limited construct called a general scaffold, where the senses are not used, and thus, via a lack of use, in a state of stagnation, would it not be possible that we lose that which is our real capacity? And, within this, would not the solution be to rebuild our words, within mastering the spelling of them, and the relationships of them being always to have a direct relationship to reality- reality being the living environment around us? Is this not the most simple of things? Could this be systematized? As there is nothing wrong with systems, because everything is a system, thus, a system is the means of building step by step! If one has practiced their vocabulary effectively, one can self actualize- meaning one could restore what is more natural, which is the ability to realize the sum of the parts, and direct them in ways that consider all things, and which is of a state that has a quality of and as being more at ease, which one could call enlightenment. This means, that how we are formed, and how we are mis-informed,  is practical. It means that there is no mumbo jumbo, no magical thinking as polarized value focus. The real magic is in the doing, is in spelling effectively as self actualizing, as aligning words to have a direct relationship to the physical reality. Enlightenment is being an effective speller, which is being a master of that natural ability to open up seeing the quantum measure  necessary to get things down, this which has a state of ease, as no resistance towards something or someone! It is all a math, and it is simple. 

This also shows that what we practice we automate! Unless we realize our own movements to remain in a state of awareness.  This is the difference between remaining in the circle, and making that leap into grace and realizing the sum of the parts, as cross referencing what one has composed, as practiced, and its relationship to the world around one. If we all begin to realize this, we will no longer fear openly talking about this! It is so awesome in so many ways, because it means that we are most happy when effectively spelling what we sound as words, into realizing a state of ease, as being master builders of a reality that considers all things do realize expressions and movement that cause no harm! 

Looking at the word " sharing ' Day 788

Sharing,

 redefining the word sharing.

Show air, open up the form, bring it forward to rebalance within principle of and as what is best for all.  The principle of oneness and equality, into what respects all things, taking that which is good and does no harm. This being a state of ease, of reciprocity, doing the math, moving in accord of an expression of creation.  This being, from my perspective, a presence in synch with a knowing that is  a state of certainty. It is a form of not telling a lie. It is a form of what is more eternal,  it is a state that no one can take away.  It is living potential with a steady absolute purpose- the only place where the absolute stands,  as in that word - absolute- one is living the realization of  ab/a-way solve, or a-way son/sun,  a way of creation/expansion.  The prefix ‘ ab’ means away, so as a movement, absolutely - ute, can be to always give/send away the solution, as realizing there are no problems and only solutions. Some take patience to resolve, yet, just as in sailing a large boat, one holds, the balance.  I notice that when I have not found that steady solution,  I become loopy, like children that cannot hold a word, as there are too many emotional triggers erupting from experiences from a past of wanting to survive in an environment.  When I cannot remain in what is actually more natural, I become loopy, I am within a state of not being able to structure a correction that I can apply with greater ease. Interesting how words can narrow a focus, and lend structure, to then bring forward clarifying forms that allow one to ground one’s self  into the small movements that are the means to the end as practical actions.  The ideas, beliefs and opinions, no longer predominant on the horizon,  distracting one from applicative actions in real time.  Paranormal activity, is but the use of limited information that then uses ad hominem and hyperbole to fill the spatial lack, which in itself creates that same distractive business. It is what I recently read, as that movement of using only 10 percent of one’s presence into a limited construct of information- lol, it is like living in a hot air balloon .  It is not the ‘ air ‘ as the space of what is here all around us, as the physical.  

Thus, the word ‘ sharing ‘ is the ring, as the reverberation, of airing, as focusing here, as airing what is here in the context of respecting all things, as no longer projecting a limited construct from within,  and opening one’s self up to realize the ring, as in ringing, as in the sound, of life, always present and always right here in plain sight. As I live in the moment, here, where the practical is lived because this is where one directs, as nothing was ever done within thinking about it.  

Thus, the word sharing, is to embrace my own accepted and allowed limitation, the consequential inflated and protective value judgements, and the practical, as the action of respecting what is here in this moment, to balance the focus of myself, within what brings ease, as a state of knowing, that then expresses what practical small and simple movement, is the means towards what  ‘ rings ‘ true, as what opens a greater ability to remain present in this reality, this physical and practical living reality that is always around me, composed by and of, the potential to realize  what is best for all. 

When I am in fear, which is being inferior to life, which is self interest, as separation from the realization that I am equal in substance to all things, as all things are eye in another life. I move into comparison, imagining worst case scenarios,  fearing an imaginative loss, forgetting to respect all things, allowing a limited ideological resonant belief to define who and what I am, via a mis-use of the imagination, and comparison, always a form of projection with values judgements,  that i attach to objects from the world around me.  In this I am not living solutions, with a sense of giving, as the realization in fact that what is here is me in another life. 

Thus, sharing, is listening to what is here, in the moment, placing it in the context of all things here, as respecting and realizing who and what I am as a physical form, on a physical infinite planet, and doing a math, as assessing this reality, to realize solutions, as opening up the space, to make the only choice, which is the choice that is best for me, is to consider all things, taking that which is good as what does no harm. This opens focus onto the form and function of here, through the realization of a limited focus on a self interested system of values that is a mind consciousness  system, back into what is more natural and can process living reality,  as the self as life that is always here, and need only be embraced. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare myself to others.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within and as living principle, I realize greater respect of all things, and within that I see further.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move into comparison, in a bubble, within limited constructs of information, colored with value judgements, at myself in fear of loss, which is an idea, and not myself being present, as I am allowing distractions of and as value judgements, and not focused here, in respect of all things here, as who and what i am in totality, that is what allows me to exist in expression as life, here, as life is physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when I have a pain, in my physical body, it is a constriction, a suppression, a lack of real processing,  of and as focusing here, airing out, as opening up,  beliefs, opinions and ideas, polarized and colored with value judgements, as what i accept as a list---ening of myself as order, as form, as energy, and not myself paling myself here in this living reality, to respect all things, and reciprocate reality, the living reality, as this physical existence, where if I look around, all things are a composition of and as what is here, and all things are the consequence of the hands of many, as the haptic actions, where we are happy when we are focused and unhappy when we are not.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I become anxious, I am not processing reality, as respecting all things, taking that which is good and does no harm, I am not being present, presenting what is here, grounding in what I am as a physical manifestation, realizing where i am projecting value judgements, which is myself allowing inferiority, as I am in fear and as a distraction, not in a consideration of all things, opening up to life, to what is real, airing out the space of my own dis-empowerment, as self interest, to see , realize and understand all of me, to embrace all things, and make the choice that is the only choice, as to respect all that is me, that is all around me here. 

I forgive myself for projecting a lack, onto objects around me, imagining worse case scenarios, as threats, that are a metaphysical self interested math/action/projection composed of energy, which s a red flag for my own acceptance of fear, a busyness, that is limiting, and not being a directive principle of and as showing a sharing as airing out limited beliefs, to open up and enable myself to embrace all of me, as the life that tis me, that is all around me, as having enough information, to self realize self as life here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that unbalanced limited dimensions of an accepted focus, composed of making polarized value judgements that have a quality of and as my actions as projecting onto objects that which I have rejected of and as my self as life, as my capacity to problem solve, to realize limitations, and to embrace myself as life, holding what is a directive principle in and as forgiving myself as life, as that realization that there are no problems and only solutions, here, as it is here, that the practical application is the means to the end. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare, to move into a comparison, that is a resonant emotional projected body, of and as a fear, where within the  storied enflamed value judgements, are the expression of fear, as a fear of loss, and not myself embracing life, as me, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize the shadow world, composed of storied memories of and as ideas, of loss, ideas of failure, as the only thing upon which I focus, to realize this, forgive, and to redirect, within a directive principle, to realize applications that take that which is good and respects all things, which is to hold what can withstand the test of time, as to move as a process of elimination, as to realize side effects, where  the airing of reality does not move forward, as the unfolding of and as real presence, that is a process of dis-covering self as life that has always been right here, to realize in thought word and deed that which is best for all and as such,  aires out and grounds real presence and respect of life, here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to mis-use compassion, in self interest.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have back chat, that when and as i share, and revelations are realized, even in lending practical and simple actions, that self empower , there is back chat that i am not enough, from my past, where I focus on lack, instead of directive actions in moments, realizing self discovery,   enjoying this,  no longer fearing to move into the unknown as the known, is always here, as everything is known. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the simple, as it is within the simple that the ordinary is lived that moves into greater awareness, as even within playing the violin, the simple was cross referenced, as allowing the simple to automate, was allowing a state of forgetfulness, as realizing the smallest of actions, were the means to the end, and that the small could be so well mastered that one could cross reference this in a split second, as that very state of understanding as awareness can be a construct of mis-information that becomes hyperbolized as protected because it is of self interest and thus inequality to this living physical reality, that ends up, as a construct of separation, running away with the self into separation and a loss of self mastery, thus the simple must be mastered, with clarity, and always cross referenced, which is supportive and feels good, as the simple is the means to the end, here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to rush to believe there is a place to rush to, when life is here, and to realize within this that a sense of rushing manifests as slower processing,  as it is self emotionally charged and not grounded here, where one lives the practical and the simple, in the moment,  to be in respect of all things, as the practical that builds the life that is me here as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as i move into a sense of inferiority, there must be the opposite of a desire for superiority, which is myself moving into comparison, into competition, and not myself being present in common sense, as practical application within the principle of equality and oneness, which is being a living respect of all things, as all things are the same as me, as life in expression in another life here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become angry, as nothing, even if I am ‘ right’ was ever resolved with anger, as anger is a state of blame, which is a  state of fear, which is a state of fearing to take self responsibility, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want short cuts, to have an idea the something should be easy, which is following an idea, instead of walking the practical applications with in a directive principle of and as realizing that the value is life, here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that things are impossible, when creation is here, as me, all around me, here, living practical applications that in essence are a directive principle of and as taking that which is good and does no harm here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to protect myself,  within an idea, that there are threats around me,  which is to, again, project an idea of loss, as though something can be lost, which then creates as the opposite an idea of gain, when in practical reality there is nothing to lose, and nothing to gain, as I am life here, a life that is physical and practical, as common sense is and does, which is living in thought word and deed, as allowing life here, airing life here, as bringing life forward, as simply allowing life, as a focus on as respect of, the physical reality, in plain sight here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting this physical manifestation of and as energy that is like a dagger, or an arrow, of energy, from a vertebrae in my upper back, that is like this grasping form, like it has claws that appear to be unreleasable, that is my past, where I am also feeling like a child, caught in a coffin, or a web, where I cannot process the information, and have already lost myself in a construct that I can no longer see the boundaries of and as, and within this storm, I am clawing and scratching, looking for a way out, not being able to process the movements, wanting to attack, and not wanting to attack as though on some level, I understand this is not solution and yet, this is the information that is me that I have to work with, that I have accepted ,  where I am in a fury of not wanting to accept the unacceptable and yet, cannot see the resolutions around me as I am lost in a storm of value judgements, this manifesting as this point in my upper back, just above the heart, as though this is a new point opening up, where the pain is most intense, a cycle, or sequence I have lived within this process of birthing life here,  to realize this is like a projecting weapon, as a reaction, of and as anger, as fear, where there are objects of and as to place this fear, which is that past, of an as a construct of and as a belief that there tis no way out, and yet, a part of me, will never give up, as though I existed within limitation, moving as that lack, was unacceptable, and in ways, it is moving in complete frustration,  which is fear, and reaction, where the way out, was greater understanding, as having enough information, as dis-covering a natural ability to understand the practical, here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand a movement into victimhood, as self pity, that is like a mask around my eyes, pulling down presence, as looking directly here, into believing a math of and as self pity, that is that vein of a belief, in the impossible, that then manifests as such as the words “ i tried’ or ‘ I did my best’ or,  a sense that this storm is ‘ too muchness’ when all of this is an illusion and myself caught in a belief system that is a distraction form what is natural, as being present equal and one to all life that is here all around me as the physical reality, here, where all things are myself in another life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe this sense of what could be called righteousness, as a sense of this is so real, so true, so needing of revenge, when I have walked this path and realize that this is not being solution, and to realize that because of accepted and allowed beliefs, this state of separation, that has a quality of protection and defense, as blame and spite, is habituated, and as a set body of resonant  limited information, that need not define who and what I am here, as I can breath, slow down, and ground myself here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand tat this inherent conflict is also a form of self hate,  as myself hating myself to not seeing realizing and understanding the accepted web of limitation, chosen in a desire to survive, this in itself a mis-take on reality, which means the only choice os to forgive this consequential anger/anchor into a limited belief system, of polarized value judgements of and as the end game of good and evil, that is a separation from commons sense as respect of all things as the physical reality that is creation manifest, as the substance of and as taking that which is good and does no harm, to move with and as the natural law, of respect for all things, realizing a balance that lends expansion here. 

Coupled with this word “ sharing’ is the word ‘ meaning.’  Thus, I will continue with the word ‘ meaning ‘ Thank you for reading here. 

When and as I find myself moving into protection and defense, I stop and i breath, and I assess my own reactions , I slow down and realize the means of this separation , as thoughts , words and imaginations, of and as what composes separation, as ideas, beliefs and opinions, of and as blame and spite, resistance and rejection, thus, I forgive, I stop, I use words I have defined, such as calm, as presence, as steadiness, and I move , as transform my self definition, and realize, that just as in slang a large boat, or in skiing down a hill, or in taking a life saving skills swimming test, or in performing, like a horse running across a field with purpose, directed, able to hold a steady rhythm, remain balanced, and moving in respect of all things, with ease, there is a great power within this, and this fine line is always here, and that i have experienced this, in performing, being equal to the sounds around me, balancing out, pulling on strings, remaining steady, within a form, where that focus, the presence, in respect of all things around me, within that framework, that state of steadiness can be actualized, with ease, with joy, with flow of movement, as that horse can be and do, which i have experienced in riding horses, cantering them on a beach, swimming with them in ponds, walk with them with and as state of ease, thus, is there power within that, just as I realize the sword of wanting revenge, as a storied resonant seed of mis-information, of and as energy, this need not define who and what I am, as I can breath, slow down, and uncover, being myself as life, as that power to hold not accepting the unacceptable and transform that into remaining steady here, in balance, considering all things, to become the living word, of and as being as dis-covering the life that is me here. 

In some respects, I can see where it is a fine line between becoming de-manned within righteousness, and or, slowing down and realizing a respect for creation, here. 

The solution is sharing, as showing the airing out of limitations, as accepted and allowed beliefs, opinions and ideas, to open this up, call things out by name, to disempower accepted and allowed limitations, and to ground one's self, here, to be able to run with the wind, as the life that is physical, and that nature of creation here. 

The ungroundedness of self interest Day 767

Two days ago I had an interaction with a man. I had been waiting to use an ATM. He was the next in line. For some reason, I assumed he was with the person in the ATM. Perhaps because he was standing somewhat at a distance from the AT> The person in the ATM came out, and I moved to enter. He called out to me and I stopped. I immediately apologized and said I assumed he was with the woman. I was calm.

It did not matter, he then went on to tell me to go in that i was obviously in a rush, to which  responded again that I was as fault and had made an assumption, and that I had time. He then said the same thing again, that I was obviously in need, and that I should go. I did have the thought to go, while at the same time, I noticed what I have noticed before, which is a person not looking here, and instead looking at something else. He proceeded to walk away, as if in disgust.  It appeared to me to be a tiny tantrum. It is like a movement that is invisible, attempting to pull the space into something, that has nothing to do with the space, the moment, the living reality. 

What astounded me was how small it really was to go into something like this. Even though I was attempting to realize my own actions, I also in this noticed how tiny the emotional storms are. I have a sense of “ why” ?  There is no point to having these dramas. And, obviously the person wanted a situation in which to vent something.  I can have no idea what this person’s day was. It had nothing to do with me overall, and yet, it was unacceptable in another, overall. 

Lately I look at the discipline of playing an instrument and all the martial arts movies. The master has no time for emotional excuses or games because they understand that such things become a distraction, an interference, from being focused in the moment, as self, in one’s body. This is also why depression is always self interest, because what brings one into a state of ease, is being focused here, on this reality, in the practical. Given what is happening on the world stage, and the financial structure we allow through our participation, exciting polarized values about things is the means of manipulation. To make one thing appear more than another, in state of comparison, or competition, as this is what this creates, is the means of division from what is normal, which is  the practical and physical reality around us. Morals of judgement lacking practical perspective, are polarizing values, which is a separation from the practical.  How we ever allowed a banking system using interest mechanisms that flow all wealth to a government, via various round about structures, to then determine how we think, what we eat, and how we manage the consequences of not eating in ways that support our bodies, is astounding. It is a state of denial of self as life. It is living in an alternate reality, from the one that is here, and it is much much smaller, it is tiny. When that false reality of good and bad, right and wrong, more than and less than, is made larger, by the self, in a bubble, an inflamed story of mis information and an incorrect use of the imagination, it creates a separation that is the proverbial veil that one allowed one’s self. We are all aware of this.  

In so many ways, it is time to stand up and speak about this. Sometimes in a state of learning something, one gets to the point where one must go out and stand up as this, as this propels the awareness into reality. One must stand and be the instrument performing, in real time, and not only within and behind the walls of study. What I have found is that I really face my own morality when I speak up about this in public. I am moving against a habit, in real time, and all the reactions are going to come forward, as they are the programming. yet this weeds out those who refuse to look. What happens is one begins to realize how small the storm of energy within someone is, how tiny it is,  how meaningless it is. One has to be like those martial arts masters, and stand no matter what, and not put up with excuses, and yet in a calm manner, not a suppressed manner, a present and  calm manner. Also, to realize that mistakes will be made, things will be missed, and yet this is no different than moving out of a private practice with an instrument into playing out in the world. One only learns to catch what one is doing, in real time and space. 

In one moment when this man reacted and insisted, as he turned away, I did have the thought move through me that he was busy projecting something and probably had not heard a word I said as he was busy in his own storied information. Even I moved beyond this, like saying no to the thought. This thought being small within myself. Just as I saw this movement as this that the man was being as small, so too was the same as a reaction within me towards him. What I am looking at here, is how much such states of being have the quality of a person not moving, not looking here, and ignoring the real space around them, like a glitch in space. with a tiny storm around the person. Just as the one I had around me, and just as the assumption moved me. It has a quality of not being present, and of hiding. 

I remember our dogs barking when the children went off to get on the school bus in the morning. They always started to bark, and never liked the big yellow school buses.  It always bothered me. Why were they barking so much? On some level, they could see that the children did not want to get on the bus and go to school. I realize that sending children off to be in a room every day for 13 years, to memorize information, is not what is best for them. This is how to inform them of what supports what upholds the present system that is raging wars, using the capacity of men for resource acquisition without regard for the life on this planet. We have allowed a government that is the model of what we are doing, within ourselves, and we are sending our children off for someone else to educate because we are so busy keeping the bubble of limited constructs of polarized values that consume us going that we cannot slow down and show our children this living reality.  The irony is , is that we made the choice to focus here, on this living reality, this practical and visible reality, we would find a real state of ease.  And, we mankind are so capable, we could make the change in a short period of time! 

Overall, walking mind constructs, to realize the patterns of our separation, as accumulated value judgements, from a starting point of an initial fear that compounds into a distraction that exists as a bubble around the self, is visible in its lack of presence in reality. It moves as a kind of frozen stiffness, like a glitch in presence, in being here. In children with whom I have worked, it triggers a restlessness, that can be refocused. One can realize the extent of this too, in whether or not one can hold something new within one’s self. If one cannot hold a word, for example and really define it to be clear and in tune, meaning one can use the tool as the word to bring one's presence into the greater whole as life, and as self in calm and  able to read information in a more self directive and self discovering state or manner, one is caught in a time loop, where a time loop is a body of storied and polarized information, having value judgements that separate one from what is more natural as a presence in awareness of this living reality that is this earth all around us. One could call this an emotional firewall. Even within the focus of one’s eyes is this visible. After all, what would one call a zombie or a vampire? 

I have a memory coming up of myself, standing in my parent’s kitchen. I must be in late elementary school or early middle school. In the memory, I move in a different way than I had moved before - or so I believe, or it had compounded to the extent that in this memory this movement happens to stand out more than others. I suddenly move to speak about information. It is like I can follow the patterns of the information and speak it out. It is like I move to stand in a picture, a body of ideas. It is interesting that while at the same time I sense the movement to stand in reality and speak up more openly about how this all works, that i have a memory coming forward of myself doing the same in relation to participating in communicating accepted storied constructs of information that had accumulated to the extent that I deemed it acceptable to move forward and speak it out to my parents. There is also a sense of gaining favor, or of being in synch with the measure of my parents within this.  I had stepped into being the cool aid, in a way. lol It is a memory that has the color of a first recital. There is also some sense of apprehension. And an awareness that I knew what i was doing, yet with full compliance. I was so focused on this that there was no real focus on an alternative at the time, in this memory.  Had I done this before, as in built up to this, with those times before having that moment where i remember running out to a tree to run from what I had resonantly allowed that I knew on some other level was not what was best? 

I realize that eventually, our awareness must become equal to the life around us as the physical. If we focused as who and what we are, as living physical beings, our focus on life, which is physical would so come to enjoy the subtle that are the forms that compose this life, that create the trees that we cannot live without. Trees that supersede any religious or political dogma. We are physical, and the physical reality is life. It is no wonder that what is real is in plain sight? 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to drink the cool aid of knowledge and information without practical application.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to stand within the ,gaming of storied information to participate in survival, in self interest, to gain favor within a bubble as the polarized values of and as my family, in separation from remaining as who and what I am as life, as a physical state of being, in this reality that is physical and all around me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to choose a limited storied set body of information, with the rise and fall of good and bad, right and wrong, more than and less than, instead of remaining practical, equal and one with and as a common sense of who and what I am as a physical state of being, as what is here in plain sight that is the same as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand how I participated within and as accumulating a storied body of information, to define me, to be the expression of and as me, that is knowledge and information without consideration of this practical reality as the physical, to gain favor, to survive, to such an extent that I forgot who and what I am, even having experienced the consequences of and as this, during my childhood.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to set bodies of information, as firewalls of emotion, accumulated over time, and not recognizing this as what I had done within myself. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to the same that i had accepted and allowed within and as me, as emotional feeling bodies composed of value judgements that separated myself from being present and equal to this reality, in all ways, standing as solution, within and as grounding presence in the practical, as this reality is must bigger and more alive, than bubbles of set bodies of polarized value judgements and the means to realize there are no problems only solutions, within and as creating what is best for all, as this is what is best for the self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that when and as an emotional storm is around me, or a movement in this reality around me, that it does not define me, unless i allow it, and that i need not fear such or believe that such is impossible to bring into being focused here, in this practical and living physical reality.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that subtle nature of what I allowed within and as standing up to recite what I believed in the moment was how I should be to gain favor, to survive as this movement in the kitchen as a older child, was done in complete self interest, with a sense that I, as me, as seeing only my own self advancement in collecting value points, as self interest, stood up to speak, there is a quality of myself pulling myself into moving space into a picture of storied information that is not expansive, and more singular as being in a bubble, where the presence of me, forces myself into this, in a way that it seems normal, when the very movement is a focus away from being present of the  very kitchen and its components around me, which is astounding that I dd not see, realize and understand what I was accepting and allowing, and for this I forgive myself. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that within this memory, I don’t even remember the adult standing there, I was so entrenched in my own recital of accepted and allowed information, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe, in where i am at the moment, that should I not recite what is collectively believed, as knowledge and information, as a set body of information, that I will be punished, when the real punishment is the suppression of myself, in standing in awareness of this physical and practical reality here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that i need not believe that I must protect myself from emotional firewalls of value judgements, as they are really very small, and readable, in their movement of and as not being focused here, and that great patience and humbleness can be what it is that I become here, as who and what I am as life is able to remain focused here, in consideration of all things, breathing, slowing down and grounding myself here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is a more, as being a more than, within and as being able to stand up and recite to prove myself being worthy, which is a stating point of and as a belief that I am unworthy, and not myself being focused here, equal and one with this living reality that is physical all around me, that is me, as it is the same as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a storm in a tea cup, an emotional firewall, of and as beliefs, opinions and ideas, within believing there are more than wants needs and desires, when what and who I am is here, able to communicate and respect what is here, as the physical that is the same as me, composed of and as the same building blocks of and as reality, a life in expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must ‘ thrust’ myself forward, to gain, when I am here, physical as creation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe there is a need to rush, to stand up and recite, to prove, when I am here, as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must compare myself to others, as in compete with others, when I am here.

When and as I find myself moving outside of being humble, calm, present, breathing, and remaining steady, within and as not only seeing and reacting as a mind consciousness system I have accepted and allowed I also slow down and realize what I am accepting and allowing as belief, opinion and idea, within want, need and desire, and I review to cross reference my own construct of separation and I place myself here, in focus on this living and practical reality, to sort out and follow through, to become a living practice and recitation in thought word and deed,  of realizing there are no problems and only solutions, to move out side of a narrow focus and to include all things as the practical and physical life that is around me, to forgive limitation, and expand insight of and as, to and towards this living breathing physical reality that is in plain sight.

When and as I find myself moving in fear, within and as the most subtle of movements, within and as me, I stop and I breath and I ground myself here, in focus and presence of this living physical and practical reality, to reciprocate and recite a focus on the ability that is natural to be in self awareness of the physical creation that is life, in plain sight. 

When and as I find myself moving into a narrow focus as fear, as energy, as using knowledge and information to direct me, to substantiate me, as a belief, opinion and idea, I stop, I slow down and I breath, to ground myself here, to forgive myself to the life in plain sight here, as the physical. 

When and as  speak, or stand forward to recite, or direct myself into communication I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, to see, realize and understand what I am moving as, to check the movement of myself in relation to gain, to survival,  to realize where I am in fear of and as an idea of loss, or an idea of not being substantiated, as though I am not enough, which is comparing myself to an idea of and as what I should be, which is a distraction from being present and equal to this living physical reality, as such  - slow down, to realize motivations that I allow and have allowed to direct me that are in self interest, in fear, instead of realizing the illusion is fear, which I can realize as something I am believing, as such is the illusion, and therefor, I am able as the capacity of and as me as life, to have the ability to remain stable and steady in considering all things, here that are in plain sight. 

Self forgiveness on Love Day 762

continued from the previous post

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a love in a narrow focus, at the exclusion of everything else.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that making something larger than life, is myself in separation from considering all things as me, as this living reality that is physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to romanticize relationships, within and as my mind, to become a consciousness of self interest, to avoid looking here, at this practical and physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the very of making one relationship larger than life, without continued cross reference of all things as who and what I am in total, as a physical being on a physical planet is to separate myself from the form and function in practical reality, as the physical as the total of who and what I am as this physical world is the real relationship of and as creation as life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the statement of and as ‘ that which I love I will lose’ meaning that which I aggrandize and allow to become a form of protection as a positive is a denial of the negative that motivates the separation into a limited relationship as the focus of and as me, within and as me, as a heaven in separation from the ground as the physical reality, the means to live and express and be equal and one with the real story, as the relationships of the physical reality, here, being and forming as moving as what is life in expression as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand in this trinity , the busy-ness of occupation into limited ideas, that interfere with being present, grounded, in respect of, all that is here as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the real story is the expression of life, that is physical, that is formed, that breathes and moves and interacts here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a thought only, and for an extended period of time, of and as ‘ there is a great beauty’ to become a singular focus of and as me, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to limit myself within a singular relationship as an idea about a form, as a person as my husband, as being ‘ a great beauty.’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that separation within and as allowing this to be a singular and limited focus of and as me, as its very existence is a scream to hide from considering all things and following a  limited and romanticized story line, as a sequence of values made larger than life, as the very self interest of and as me, as not being a bad, overall, and yet, being a focus, that within and as it, is a separation from reality, and an admission that this reality and the values of this reality as the system entertains itself with limited values to avoid realizing what is happening in the world, and within myself  a fear of standing up and realizing in thought, word and deed, that there are no problems only solutions, as this is a physical creation, which is visible and practical here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a value made larger than life to define myself as superior, based on a romanticized, or inflamed, idea.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in many ways I placed myself into an impossible situation, making one thing more special than another, hiding in a ‘ good’ that I accepted and embraced believing myself to be good, when this was hiding in a good , to avoid what I allowed to motivate this in-formation as me, that simply reflected an abdication of myself as life, into a form of self interest revealing a fear of being present and sorting out what I had to realize to then deny, which was overall, myself being inferior to myself as life, and rejecting the life that is me, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe, to make larger than the practical in  physical reality, as a physical creation as life in expression, that being practical respecting the physical, realizing life, enjoying being, remaining grounded, was too much, that facing the same as what I accepted and allowed as accumulating value judgements of a narrow focus as ideas, beliefs and opinions, practicing limited values, accumulating into an emotional feeling body, chasing a limited story of information, as me, resonantly accumulating, just as a perfect practice accumulates mastery of and as a discipline, so did I accumulate and practice until it compounded into an emotional feeling body, as a storm of energy, driving me, into the form, as ideas, beliefs and opinions, creating wants, needs and desires, polarizing myself into a persona, a ‘ hard work’ I accepted and allowed into a separation, from this reality, that had to fall, as it was not grounded and stable and practical here, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in the rush of my practiced values, accumulating into emotional/feeling bodies, I built my own interference from and as the physical reality here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that i accepted and allowed the impossible as who and what i became as the accumulation of ideas, beliefs and opinions, following a romaticized novel of novel ideas, overall not a bad, yet done in separation from being in respect of and as all life as the physical, as real love is to respect all things, take that which is good as that which does no harm, and to remain in respect of the instrument of life, as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that  the thought of and as the impossible, with the counter action of and as ‘ something beautiful being extinguished” into , ‘ this not being so’ or ‘ this cannot be’ is the admission that something is out of synch, and a self interested busyness to avoid being practical, as I accepted and allowed myself to fear being responsible within and as who and what I am as a physical being-ness state of expression as would life be, here.

When and as I find myself believing it is difficult to remain grounded and practical here, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, until I am grounded, calm, stable, at ease, present, silent, listening,  to then assess, define, and rebuild a relationship that is equal and one to who and what i am as the physical, to include and respect what is real, and all around me as life, here. 

When and as I find myself moving into confusion, as the belief that something is impossible, Is stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that I am here, that the practical is all around me as me, here, as the physical, and I see realize and understand how a separation as a mind con— science system, as the science of accumulation of my actions, lead by beliefs, opinions and ideas, into wants desires and needs, if not grounded in the practical reality as the physical build a resonant story within and as me, as knowledge and information lacking real practical application, causing conflict and friction, with reality,  and are not myself in the presence of and as life, as a physical form, and as such, I can slow down and breathe, ground myself here, and take responsibility of and as who and what I am as life here, which is actually normal, simple, doable, as the magic is in the doing, with respect for all things as this actual real, tangible consistently present physical world called earth, here.

When and as I find myself moving into self pity, to build an idea of something being impossible, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I face the storm of my separation, as a consciousness moving in accumulating limited values into a story that is not the storied information of the physical in form and function, in practical application here, I stop, I assess, I investigate until I am grounded, stable, consistent, processing the practical, realizing the means of separation are the same means of building a gounded and present focus on this physical and practical reality here, as creation.