Saturday, October 28, 2017

Continuing with the word ' protean ' Day 797

Continuing to look at the word ‘ protean.’

One of the things I realize is how much I move into my imagination. This is change in itself. This reflects an ability to change, in a moment. From one moment to the next I find myself imaging things, imaging scenarios. I am no longer processing what is here, in plain sight. What did I miss? 

It is as those times, when being with people, conversing with others, that I realize I have lost a focus, and missed what was being said. That point of change, from listening to listening to what is within me, is change. Thus, I can change. Who is my master in this scenario? What am I allowing myself to listen to, to change to, to embrace, to accept as the attention of myself? Obviously, I am the one who allowed the change into a focus of something. Overall, this means I change, it is not someone else being that change for me, it is me. A contrast, is those times when I retained a focus on another, or a thing, and heard what was brought forth, or watched what was being done. In this, every moment here, as who and what I am, reveals to me that I am constantly living change, self accepted and self directed change. I am responsible for what I focus on. Also, no one can be the directive of that within me. I choose to watch television. I choose to read. I choose what I focus on. No one can reach into me, and make the decision for me. 

Thus, I have an ability to change, to direct my focus. If I interact with notes, building an ability to recognize notes, and by extension, patterns in the use of notes, I am building an ability to process the math as the notes, realizing the shapes, the forms, the tensions, all the dimensions of what it means to shape and form sound structures. It is no different with words. I am the instrument and the words are the notes, They are notes that can never be the real thing, they sound about things, our words as notes. It is that words are notations about things, this is communication. 

In the discipline of music, one must be aware of what one is doing with one’s body. If tensions build up, they accumulate and expressing the music becomes more difficult. The instrument as the human body, begins to compound tensions, and one must compensate, which is a distraction from being openly attentive to what one is doing. Then the hiding begins, as one does not want others to realize what one focused on as an accumulation of a distraction. And so this compounds. It is really no different than when we go to take a test. We know when we know something, when we focused on something in a way that builds an ability to change into it, with responsible self direction. 

I was driving in my car, and found myself imagining something- a form of entertainment, mirroring in many ways, the practice of watching television. I stopped, I breathed, I slowed myself down, placed my presence into my hands for a moment, a realized the steering wheel. I looked out at the passing trees. I am here. 

I have done this many times. This time, I also asked questions. I have started to use the where, when, what type of questions. Instead of only looking at the trees, I asked myself what are the relationships I am seeing that are here, right in front of me? The trees have a relationship with the air, with the sun, with the clouds. It was to look at the information that is here, that is real, that is physical, and directly in front of me. This, in itself, was myself changing. 

Thus, how can I turn this natural ability to change, into changing in ways that respect what is here, as this living reality. If I can realize that I mis-practiced a piece of music, because how I practiced that piece of music, remains when I go to perform that piece of music, the history of my every movement, as focus, remains with me, thus what state of being I allowed as a focus on myself remains if I do not realize how I was utilizing this ability to change, as to selectively focus on things, with this being within my imagination, or communicating, as interacting with focus, on what was/is directly here. My distractions remain, which is a gift because I show myself to myself,  within the choices, or the changes, I accept and allow. 

I am the very means of change. I am protean. I am as how I work, responsible for what I allow within this ability to change in every moment, because what I am, is using this means of change all the time! 

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