Automation is visible Day 806

I noticed this morning a subtle bitterness surrounding me. Yesterday, I had entered a home after knocking on the door, which caused a dog in the home to become excited and bark. I was told not to knock because it excited the dog and to instead, enter without knocking. I noticed a slight irritation in the tone of voice used to convey this way of entry. I realized that in the heat of the moment, a peace interrupted, I might have reacted in the same manner. I let this go, because it lead to a place that was not productive. Later I went and reviewed the moment, to realize the switch. 

Then, I noticed this bitterness that I have noticed before, become present in my own cycles of behavior that I am in the process of noticing. They are no longer as large, yet whispers of them exist.  I ask to what was I not paying attention in that moment of sorting out my own habituated behaviors of protection and defense of myself, based on ideas of what defines who and what I am.  In some ways, I could say I am more aware of a general field of movement around me, than only that of the emotional fears within and as me. It is, a change of focus, from a currency of inflamed values projecting a story of protection over a story of greater presence and consideration of all that is me here. It is coming back into the very fabric of this reality. 

I looked at the sense of dread in the last couple of weeks, and upon moving to engage with others,  this sense of “ what if” comes up. It is a question as to whether or not I can in deed, do that which I move to share with greater clarity, which is bringing more focus into the practical reality as that very fabric that composes who and what I am as a physical expression of life.

I reviewed accelerated learning techniques. One area has to do with right and left brain use. The maths, that are more detailed oriented, are left brain oriented. Music, dance, art and the investigation of global issues are more right brain oriented and have an outcome of increasing overall information processing speeds. The contrast of these physically demanding skill sets, and being aware of global movements, is telling in itself. Being aware of global movements would by definition demand a greater presence of the physical use of resources in this reality, thereby enhancing awareness of the physical use of self, just as music and dance and art does. My one son is studying art. I talked with him the other day about automation. As one masters a skill set in regards to art, as in music, one gets to a point where one notices that what one has built becomes automated and can run away with one, if one does not catch it. One must go back to the basics to ensure one does not become automated in one’s actions. This can appear to be tedious, because one has to slow down and relook at the small. That means slowing down the automated movement that can feel like a running train inside one. My son already has started to notice this, well, if he can, and I have, it is more natural than I make out here! Yet, these skill sets demand that presence because they involve physical movement and not only imaginative movement within a set framework of information. One is seeing movement in physical time and space, the medium demands it. To do, one must reference physical movement. I see global resource use and movement as something that demands paying attention to the physical reality, and thus, this is why such awareness is placed in right brain function. This is turn would build a greater ability to process information faster. One has a physical reference of a living fabric. In contrast, only referencing a set body of information memorized within, would by design move more slowly. 

When I entered this home and had a slight reaction to a response towards my actions, that caused a momentary upset of behavior in the home, my focus on my own fear of definition, was a set box of beliefs that had nothing to do with the moment- even if the emotional response to my actions could have been cared for in a more gentle manner. It does not matter. I was distracted for a moment, on a belief, and though I could see around my own limitations in a moment, my own subtle reactions were still a distraction. They were also an automation, a running away of my own ideas about me, than any real movement in being present in the living fabric of reality;  that reality that must be used in such skill sets that involve more right brain activity, such as music, art, dance and global issues. I wold say, imagine all your words being learned in reference to that fabric, instead of only a set body of information,  or in protection and defense of inner beliefs that are a mis-use of a natural ability to be present and sense the very geometry of what is here as this physical reality? 

I would think that such reference would create a more stable human being, as that same part of self that can with skill set development, be able to recognize automation, which is noticing a subtle and slight separation from what one generates within and the movement of reality around one. What is also interesting is that once one can notice this, automation setting in, one can more readily recognize it in the movement of others. It is to say, “ too late” it is too visible, meaning once noticed there is no going back. Yet even here one must be careful. The same could be said of belief systems. Which is why if one should notice this, it would cause conflict should one point this out, because in effect one is pushing on an entity - as a time line of a series of values that has rolled itself up into  a ball and run away with itself - that entity is going to have a reaction as having to self realize and slow down and rebuild. That action in itself, is a change of pace that some may see as only a sudden change in itself.  That change is not necessarily a bad, but can appear to be disruptive if one is only focused on the momentary change. Overall, developing a presence, the kind that is of the right brain being involved, would enable one to not only see the parts ( those automated events) but also the context within which such automations are moving. Yet again, this is what the physical engagement of music, art and dance, and looking at the movement on the greater stage as global movement, would by design build within the self.  It gets pretty simple. It would be the same if one generated more words, or, had a mastery of words to the degree that one could read the overall generation and the self, as a relationship between the two, because one would begin to self realize what one generated as one would no longer have to think about the words as much. This is to place using language like paint, or notes, or a movement in and of itself, and to have the contrast of how resources are moving on a global scale, and how language is both a means to seeing patterns and being placeholders of information thereby improving memory skills and what distracts one from seeing the real fabric of earth, as the physical. Chaos is really being caught in a storm in a teacup. Yet that chaos made huge, as an inflammatory story, of limited values, is the stuff of distraction. I believe Noam Chomsky has said that people are distracted through huge arguments in a narrow focus/framework. 

One of the qualities that allow recognition of automated behaviors is a sense of being incomplete, which has a nature of restlessness to it. On some level the amazing ability of the self to understand automation, is to realize that somehow one has lost a stable foundation, as a mastery of self direction. At the same time, when realized as such, it becomes visible that allowing automation within to determine the self, has no long term gain. There is a sense that the rush is simply not worth it, its promise one of a false positive. One must pull back into what has greater longevity, to what can withstand the test of time.  Probably more struggle with correcting this than we realize, because in the end we cannot but NOT notice this. And we each know when we are not correcting it. This is why all hate is really self hate. As who and what we are, we are the means of awareness, so we cannot but recognize what we are doing within ourselves. 

I can see that even within writing this out, that bitterness I mentioned earlier, is really a state of fear. It is a state of fearing to lose something, which is really a means of showing myself that it is a demand within myself to slow down and investigate what is not in synch with what would being an ease of standing with what can be held that is always here all around me, as that very fabric of which I speak, that I need not fear losing, that the uncertainty can find constancy.  It is a fear of building a mistake, instead of realizing the building of being in a place where one can recognize an inner automation running away with itself. It is to realize a faith in recognizing when one ‘s presence as placement of awareness is steady and not of an automation as being the capacity of what it means to be human. Most masters understand this, and have that kind of faith, the company of which is the realization of the benefits of patience. Thus bitterness is really where I have not slowed down and investigated the expression of a relationship that opens a sharing of being present, meaning, a sharing of being present with this very capacity within me to recognize automation. It is describing something by what it is not. Sometimes, resistance reveals a point of change. Sometimes, recognition of automated behaviors has a similarity in that one has come to a point of a need to include a greater awareness. 

Continuing with the word ' protean ' Day 797

Continuing to look at the word ‘ protean.’

One of the things I realize is how much I move into my imagination. This is change in itself. This reflects an ability to change, in a moment. From one moment to the next I find myself imaging things, imaging scenarios. I am no longer processing what is here, in plain sight. What did I miss? 

It is as those times, when being with people, conversing with others, that I realize I have lost a focus, and missed what was being said. That point of change, from listening to listening to what is within me, is change. Thus, I can change. Who is my master in this scenario? What am I allowing myself to listen to, to change to, to embrace, to accept as the attention of myself? Obviously, I am the one who allowed the change into a focus of something. Overall, this means I change, it is not someone else being that change for me, it is me. A contrast, is those times when I retained a focus on another, or a thing, and heard what was brought forth, or watched what was being done. In this, every moment here, as who and what I am, reveals to me that I am constantly living change, self accepted and self directed change. I am responsible for what I focus on. Also, no one can be the directive of that within me. I choose to watch television. I choose to read. I choose what I focus on. No one can reach into me, and make the decision for me. 

Thus, I have an ability to change, to direct my focus. If I interact with notes, building an ability to recognize notes, and by extension, patterns in the use of notes, I am building an ability to process the math as the notes, realizing the shapes, the forms, the tensions, all the dimensions of what it means to shape and form sound structures. It is no different with words. I am the instrument and the words are the notes, They are notes that can never be the real thing, they sound about things, our words as notes. It is that words are notations about things, this is communication. 

In the discipline of music, one must be aware of what one is doing with one’s body. If tensions build up, they accumulate and expressing the music becomes more difficult. The instrument as the human body, begins to compound tensions, and one must compensate, which is a distraction from being openly attentive to what one is doing. Then the hiding begins, as one does not want others to realize what one focused on as an accumulation of a distraction. And so this compounds. It is really no different than when we go to take a test. We know when we know something, when we focused on something in a way that builds an ability to change into it, with responsible self direction. 

I was driving in my car, and found myself imagining something- a form of entertainment, mirroring in many ways, the practice of watching television. I stopped, I breathed, I slowed myself down, placed my presence into my hands for a moment, a realized the steering wheel. I looked out at the passing trees. I am here. 

I have done this many times. This time, I also asked questions. I have started to use the where, when, what type of questions. Instead of only looking at the trees, I asked myself what are the relationships I am seeing that are here, right in front of me? The trees have a relationship with the air, with the sun, with the clouds. It was to look at the information that is here, that is real, that is physical, and directly in front of me. This, in itself, was myself changing. 

Thus, how can I turn this natural ability to change, into changing in ways that respect what is here, as this living reality. If I can realize that I mis-practiced a piece of music, because how I practiced that piece of music, remains when I go to perform that piece of music, the history of my every movement, as focus, remains with me, thus what state of being I allowed as a focus on myself remains if I do not realize how I was utilizing this ability to change, as to selectively focus on things, with this being within my imagination, or communicating, as interacting with focus, on what was/is directly here. My distractions remain, which is a gift because I show myself to myself,  within the choices, or the changes, I accept and allow. 

I am the very means of change. I am protean. I am as how I work, responsible for what I allow within this ability to change in every moment, because what I am, is using this means of change all the time! 

More interference as mind consciousness systems of separation .Day 759

“Interference theory is theory regarding human memory. Interference occurs in learning when there is an interaction between the new material and transfer effects of past learned behavior, memories or thoughts that have a negative influence in comprehending the new material. Bringing to mind old knowledge has the effect of impairing both the speed of learning and memory performance.”  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interference_theory

Last night, in the middle of the night, there was a sudden and loud banging on my front door. It took me a minute to rise and walk down the stairs. There was a policeman there telling me something had happened to my mother.

What I noticed was a lot of adrenaline bringing to move through me as I walked down the stairs. I could hear the voices in my head wanting to move into worst case scenarios, and imagining possible reasons for the visit in the middle of the night.

I said to myself, that I don’t know until I know, meaning i have to investigate what is going on a face it, instead of become emotional and follow all this interferences from that past. All this ‘ old knowledge” some of which is influenced within stories from the doom and gloom war mongering media hollywood information, as a movie is a body of information. Some was of self blame; it is amazing how we do tend to be hardest on ourselves, wondering what we did or did not do.

I remember in my thirties, after I had children, when I had to go to orchestra rehearsals and I could not hold, or retain, or remember what key I was in. This was something that had become so automatic. Meaning i glanced at the key signature and new where i was in terms of the division as the math of the notes in reading the piece. I got to the point where I was aware of the fact that if I carried some ‘ emotional’ thing with me, it would interrupt my processing of the music. I had to be clear.  

I had also been told by a master, and i have said this before, that if I focused correctly, I did not have to practice some inordinate number of hours, it could be done effectively in less time. it took me a while to get this. When I did, I realized I had to totally focus on what I was doing. If I allowed some interference, I was slowed down.

 lol, in another system, the term ‘ teachability index’ is used to describe one’s ability to process information ( which means the living space mourned us and this interference slowing down awareness in others AND the self).  In this other system, I have had people use the excuse that ‘ their teachability index was low.”  This kind of excuse is a form of blame. In music, one cannot say this. Period. We cannot say as we have to rehearse and perform “ my focus is not good today, I have some emotional thing resonant within me and it is slowing me down. Or, ‘ My speed of learning and memory performance is not at a good level today’ cannot also be said in music.  And yet, we allow this in so any other areas of our lives. When a musician cannot perform, it effects all the others in the group. IN so many ways this is a disrespect of others, and yet our society moves to pamper such behavior which is the opposite of resolution, it is the opposite of bringing one back up to speed where solutions are realized. Someone has said that depression is a form of self interest, in this regard, from the perspective of music, it is a state of disregard for others. 

In tandem with my early morning, I had a long conversation with someone early this morning. I let them talk, I let them tell the whole sequence of events as a time line of and as what they wanted to convey. At the end, and it is cool to realize that people will summarize everything that have explained once again to themselves ( and do it again and again) into a singular statement. The statement at the end of this conversation was that there person of whom they spoke was overall ‘ toxic.” 

Do we see where I am going with this? I begin with talking about a slow learning ability, and a sluggish memory processing in relation to my own movements in reaction to someone banging on my door in the middle of the night - and yes I did breathe. As I allowed a person to describe a situation, that ended with a descriptive, as the word ‘ toxic’ I realized that they were describing actions by a human being lost in emotional interference. This person was the same as me, when I realized I could not focus on the key I was in, as I had other things interfering with my focus, my presence in reality. At the time it scared me, in my thirties and I wondered how this could be happening.

Within this conversation I used the word toxic and began to describe it as best I could as an emotional firewall. I described how that emotional firewall moved in such a way that everything around that person was not their fault, and always the fault of others. It was a cry of blame, and also a cry of not being able to connect, because that resonant interference had become so big, there was no longer any ability to connect to others. At the end of the conversation, this person also noted that this person could not connect with others. Can we begin to see, how our past, composed of conversations of good and bad, righteousness and blame, spite and justification as the voices in our minds, as the mind, can consume our presence and separate us from processing what is here, in practical and effective ways? Can we realize that a mind consciousness system is not some mystical supernatural invisible thing, it is right here, it is visible in the focus of our presence, it is in the words we speak, it is in the physical movements of and as us. Do children have this heaviness, the sluggishness of this within them when they are young? ( To note, the number one killer in children is cancer before childhood accidents which has only happened in that last decade - a red flag) 

An example is, that when we become a state of comparison, ONLY seeing what another person can express, be it the courage to wear a colored scarf, and we react, and become jealous what are we NOT LEARNING? What are we NOT realizing we are existing as as a value system that is like a checklist of ‘ orders as belief’ that we are ONLY USING AS MEMORY, and thereby missing so much of the other values, or that this person with this colored scarf looks nice and that the scarf is actually FUN, and that questions what, we can also do that as there is nothing stopping us but belief. She how much an interference of judgement that is not processing the practical reality can become as a lack of real expression? 

A mind consciousness system is a system of interference as a mis-use of the imagination, it is not some big scary thing that we must fear or treat as some interrupting thing, because it is so visible! It is toxic and it is a disrespect of life, and it must be made known in every action. 

When i took apart how this person so clearly described the behaviors of this other person, and described the projections and the resistance to real living relationships that are relationships of clearly processing our memories AND using what is more natural as an ability to LEARN, it downsized the whole scenario and understanding the behaviors, to the extent that the emotional reactions about this, suddenly became much smaller. Thus, to speak up about this, in every moment, is an act of improving the use of one’s memory, AND opening up one’s natural ability to LEARN, to understand, to make simple, to realize the practical. 

Tomorrow I am going to talk about my experience with formulaic troll letters, as they are a math to trigger all manner of emotional reactions, thereby slowing down one’s ability to process and learn.  

Thank you for reading. Get your word recognition skills moving. Listen to the math of separation that is a mind consciousness system. It is not rocket science, it is visible and able to be understood. None of us really want to be an emotional firewall resisting the life around us. What we really want is to be who and what we really are. And, we need one another, all of us, to be the potential behind that wall of interference of mis-takes on the practical and living reality around us. 

Every Moment is an Opportunity Day 750

I spent time with someone yesterday and had a cool moment in hearing their perspective, as what they have lived and done in their life. It was about being in a space where within the morality, a false morality, the voices in their head was that they should not be there, and yet, or, and also, a sense that of course they could be there. They were there, they were processing what was there, they were doing the doing of what being ‘ there’ involved.

This brought up this voice within me, that I have had before of and as ‘ this cannot be so”, meaning, somehow, what is before me, as what I am to believe, simply cannot be so. I was so involved in the thing I was seeing as something that should ‘ not be so’ and my own sense of that thing ‘ not being so’ , ONLY. It is like being stuck between two things and not seeing beyond them. 

And yet, if I look at music, at the process of building and expanding within music, I can move into more than what i allow within myself as my focus as a state of being within me, as ‘ it cannot be so.” I ask myself why I did not apply what I did with myself as my actions within playing, to the greater reality around me? How is it that I could be so stuck in a limited state of being in one area, and be doing what would be the way out in another? It is like having different languages going on, where one moves and another is stagnant. 

It is moving beyond what is, actually is, as a state of being, outside of a catch 22. 

In talking with the person, who realized they had a belief about their capacity, which was practical and common sensical, and at the same time be occupied with a firewall of belief, invisible, yet distracting, consuming, as the belief system around them, that made no sense in terms of real life doing and being, I realized how important it is for the instrument that is us, to be able to see more than reaction and nebulous acknowledgement within a narrow confines of a morality that is of polarized value judgements so consuming, and yet in living reality so intangible as a relationship, meaning, regulating behavior as the invisible and illusory is made visible, that to be able to do so, to be able to begin within a tiny movement, one must step into recognition of what self is, and what is believed to exist around one, as that invisible yet determining action held in place through the power of suggestion or presumption. 

In music, one must practice extension of the self into many forms, forms in synch and forms counter to what one is sounding, where that counter force actually helps define one’s shape and form thus counter action need not be resisted.  One must have the tools, and the momentum to catch the forms, to define the illusive and the practical, to be able to be present in the observation and movable in terms of being objective and subjective. This is the nature of self as utilizing one’s awareness and not allowing one’s self to get stuck in a narrow focus. Overall there is nothing wrong with moving into a narrow focus as this is how to check one’s self, and build a more perfect spell that becomes a sentence that one speaks to stabilize one’s self here. To be able to do this, is of such value. It is what so many pay so much for, and yet, it is so as of yet, clear but by more idea than practical application. Though the divide comes more into focus the more movement one makes, lives, applies into walking this within the simplest of things as practical applications that get the natural ability of men  moving through the eye of the needle as this movement implies, is a natural changeability, a natural insight ability, a natural presence.

This was what was so cool about what I experienced yesterday, to meet someone and to see them live a moment, though needing momentum, and the means to define, as remembering a state that questioned  the difference between common sense and a false morality that made no sense.

Looking within Felicity Day 745

I am looking at resistance, as resistance is fear. 

I remember sometimes in music, a phrase or form would appear to be unable-to-be-understood for me. The form would come and the math, the measure of it was like something distant from me. It was as though there was a veil inhibiting it from me- this little shape of sound before me graphed out. I had to slow down, alone, at home, by myself, and start to take it apart. It appeared to be this illusive ‘ thing’ that somehow I could not grasp. It begged the question as to why I could take in one little notated form and not another. It made no practical sense. 

The “ block’ could be called a resistance. Somehow, my own resonance was counter to the form, my own resonance was such that the math of me, the resonance of me, the values of me were creating a wall that separated me from the form before me. It was like too different currents were meeting one another.  This overall a ‘ red flag’ because I could not transpose myself, be flexible myself, and embrace the form. I was resonant with a formation that was holding itself to such a degree that I could not change and take in a varying form with the very substance that was me, as that means that could form into my resonance and the resonant form before me that I was having difficulty grasping.

Whose fault was this, was it the form, was it that I was ‘ something’ , a personality that had value, or as some say; ‘ Just the way I am?”  Or, “ this is my opinion, you must respect that?”  If I am resistant to something then I am not being the capacity to understand, as understanding another form, which is a combination of values made up of the ultimate value of what builds form overall,   how can I really understand perspective? If I cannot change and stand as a ‘ musical form’ or any form for that matter, realizing that I can understand for a moment, and yet change in the next, thus nothing can define me but what I allow as in time and space for something to be formed it must be stood as for a period of time.  If I look at what I am being that is unable to change then I have become a resonant thing and therefor lost a capacity to change, thus from a starting point of what I am as a human being, in relation to this, if I cannot change in relation to expressions as insights as perspectives towards another, for a moment, then I am in a form of a fixed state and therefor holding onto something that need not be held onto, to the extent that I can change and see another form, even if for a moment. I have lost flexibility. I have become stagnant. And this means overall, that I am responsible for what I am, and in the order of mastering myself, I must be able to realize and recognize when I am within a resistance, as I am in a lost state of embracing a form that I can accept and or move forward, as in taking what is good and does no harm. My resistance reveals my fear of change and my lost state of being in common sense, meaning to take something and understand it and then direct it effectively. 

Yesterday, I resisted something based on my own beliefs. I believed that something was too much. This based on past interactions. In a moment, I was faced with a response. The response was “ I had a difficult week.” I replied graciously and walked away. I did not allow the door to open, because I did not want to listen to the layers of justification. I had had to do this and allowed it to become too much. I feared that happening again. Overall, it was an opportunity to face the storm and practice sorting it out. As I drove away, I recognized this. The saving grace was that I so readily recognized this. Before it would have taken me more time. So, I tell myself, this in itself a good that can become a justification. All of this a sound wall. a math of values, resonant within me. I am a Humpty Dumpty.  Face it, move and get over it. We need to start admitting this to ourselves. Overall, there is nothing but resolution.  Living in fear and resistance is a drag, quite literally.  I for one have had it. Fuck you if you do not want to do the fucking math. It is right here in front of us, in plain sight. There is no escape. You are an organic robot. I mean, look at your words, your sound formations, are they filed with iconography that uses metaphor, or compound labels to zip file information where eveyone has to guess at what is meant? 

I have had people say to me, in relation to animals, that when an animal comes to ‘ visit’ as move outside of expected behaviors, that a past loved one has come to visit. This is a projection of an icon, as that person from that past visiting. What it can really signify is a characteristic of the self that the self is chasing, as the self has placed this value outside of the self because this is the self rejecting the self. This is the self chasing what the self gave up, and the means for the self to live without fear, without resistance and the cause of resistance. In the scream of the longing is the thing being missed, the thing given up. It is the signifier of the shattering of the self, into pieces, it is the beginning of the advent of a separation into fractionalized projected parts as ideas, beliefs, opinions. It is the smoke and mirrors show. It is the consciousness in separation from reality. In this instance, a person said to me that an animal came to them and that it was their friend they had lost. In reality, that friend was admired for a value the admirer lost within themselves, objectified outside of themselves. The animal that ostensibly came was the value the self rejected and longed for, hidden in a series of storied information placed into objects holding past projections. A huge parable. Looking at the smallest of parts can disperse the picture show. I want to say, what is constant within the show? Bring it back to self. Find the word. Realize the initial resistance. Would one agree that realizing what was lost is the means forward? Could one see the self hate is a form of self pity? Is this not manifest as an added color of longing? Could this not come as an answer to a question as “ I had a difficult week?” as the starting point of sorting out the projected and separated values ?  If I am capable of writing this here, am I not capable of facing the storm and living the joy of being present, sensing the small, within the greater inflation of resonant forms? Shame is not going to change this. Self hate and reprimand is more of the same. 

Today, I ask myself : " What is felicity?"

Behaviors of separation are visible if we take the responsibility to look and do the math Day 719

Yesterday, I walk talking with a man when I noticed how a conversation can bounce, like  a ball moving back and forth in and as knowledge and information. Not all the ‘ knowledge’ is necessarily ‘ bad’ yet it being knowledge and information of and as itself, it is separated from using , or being focused in a real relationship to what exists in form as our system. Meaning, really looking and seeing what is said again and again, to follow the money. 

Money has become a current that is revelatory of what we place value on, and where we then direct our labor, our efforts, our creative force, in the mis-order that is survival based instead of creative based. This order of survival, that chooses to tout knowledge and information - this in itself a dogma of limited insight into the physical reality of what it means to be the potential of self as life. 

This process is one of separation instead of living the potential to assess and relate directly to what actually physically exists around us. How much do we reflect on the present system and what we are, meaning our basic needs? Can we ask ourselves before we go to watch some entertainment on the tele-vision why we are choosing this? Do we do this because we are bored? Do we do this because the current of money flow, which we accept and allow, limits access to materials to possibly follow through with an idea, or a desire to investigate how something works to improve something and eliminate economic stress in our lives, or just because we have a moment where a natural desire to understand something comes up, then when we think about the cost to possibly investigate, we draw back into limitations and instead choose what is cheap, as our entertainment system?

That system not revealing its true cost because it is subsidized via our taxes and insurances- taken control of by another? This would mean that that seemingly ‘ free’ entertainment is not free, because it is taking a natural desire to explore and filling that space, to placate. And the economic system,, which we hold in place, through the actions of our municipalities and service industry as the rank and file system demands no questioning of practices or else one loses that income that is not enough for one to investigate a moment of a desire to investigate and self discover that end ups leading one to the tele-vision and thus loss of potential of self as life. And so the web continues. This has an outcome of a life never lived.  This is a circulation, a flow of suppression. 

What I noticed in my conversation with this person that I started this blog with, was not only how the space appeared to funnel into a narrow focus, but also an absence of the ease that comes with not getting ‘ intense’ , like creating a projected vortex of ‘ vision’ in relation to the information being expressed that was not all ‘ bad.’  I stopped, I looked at myself, because I have been getting angry as of late, in sorting something out, and I allowed myself to let that go, a habit, one of frustration. I decided to accept where I was and what was happening, to process this as it could not define me unless I accepted it. I listened and used my own experiences to attend to the moment. I looked at the space like a piece of music, like a math, of different forms, and realized that it need not define who and what I am, that I am, just as when I performed with a group, processing measure, form, quality, duration, etc etc. It was in this moment that I sensed the focus of the person and at the same time listened to them. I also looked at myself, and that anger suddenly seemed useless. Ironically, later that day, I read a post by Osho, where he states that one need never apologize unless one has become mad. And then, another post where mad was defined as multiple addictions disorders. lol, it was much like this, those dis-orders of anger a projected ideological polarized chain of past events that I have allowed to define who and what I am, my own puppet strings that can suddenly appear before me, when I slow down enough to realize I am in deed projecting knowledge and information to substantiate a limited in-formed entity that is in itself lacking a respect of what is here. Another way to say this is that I have rejected my right to life. 

I realize within this, that I can develop a processing ability, that is a natural ability, in relation to information. And this being a project ( -ed set body) of information as knowledge and information. And then realize its form and measure, its math with or without cross reference and focus onto what actually exists having done and understanding that development into real investigate work is ongoing and within using follow how money flows as a reference point for a moment. It is to say, in so many ways, the current of money shows what is supported, and the banks of this river showing the debris by what is a consequence not shared in the paper castles of this present system. One must actually look at the details of one’s life and what suppresses a natural ability and desire to understand and investigate how things work. 

Making the choice to watch tele-vision, as it now stands, is making the choice to suppress potential and override this potential with a busy-ness of distraction to placate. This appearing to cost little monetarily yet at the expense of one’s real potential and by extension the potential of everything around one.

In having slowed down and walked this process of realizing my own projections, imaginations, reactions, suppression, thoughts, back chats, entities of self definition in a game of survival, I can begin, to see, realize and understand how when another person speaks with me, that they are expressing knowledge and information lacking a real connection to what is here, and a consequence of a lack of this kind of practice overall in human existence. It is like a math, it is like a piece of music, all the parts moving around, some in tune, as some stable and focused and clear, and others coming and going having no real substantial consideration of creation as this physical reality all around us- this that we can reference in every moment if we let go of being mad, as all those chains of ideas and beliefs and opinions that we believe define who and what we are, when that is the ghost in the machine that is a limitation and as an acceptance and allowance of suppression of a natural potential to investigate and understand what is here, even behind this curtain of mathematical manipulations employed by a system that flows money to a few, just as we flow our focus on a limited entity of belief to define us, to allow us to survive, a cheap and destructive and violent suppression of the right to life given as what we are the day we were born. 

I walk away from this event yesterday realizing that getting mad is a distraction, and that I have the capacity to begin to process both separation and the measure of the physical.  Also, that what is free or cheap is not free. Someone somewhere has not received a living wage.  That what is simple, as myself expressing the real potential of myself, is not financially supported, and most probably not as much, economically, as I may think. Right outside my door, is so much. And, there are things that are not costly, that can benefit me. 

Most of what costs is allowing a metered payment, a little bit at a time, over a long period of time, supporting the present system that touts support and yet suppresses potential, a mirror of what we are allowing within ourselves. We allowed this, this has accumulated into a system, this is the consequence of our state of being. The way out, is to see this, to understand this, to realize the need for change, to realize the means of change. That river of money can flow to support the infrastructure of physical reality. The innovations are here, and the ability to sense that desire to discover is here. The paper castle is an illusion, it can only have the power we allow it to have. It is up to us to get the rivers that are drying up, going again and it starts with us, each of us.

This means using one’s will to focus here. This means slowing down and seeing the movements of imagination within one’s self and seeing this as the past, as not who one really is. This means realizing that we absorb what we are exposed to, and that this need not define us, yet can influence us, if we do not take the time to process this, it accumulated and causes cognitive dissonance with seeing the music of here, as this consequence of separation from what is real. It really is not a rocket science, and as all things, it appears to be hard, as change tends to be and do when moving from a set body of measures that have become habituated, into something new. Yet, this is a process of cleaning up mis-takes on life, on living and instead accepting life. One will make mis-takes, as is natural, as what the process of self discovery is and does. Yet to be focused here, in the abundance of reality as the physical, removes the separation dis-orders and by extension the processing dis-orders. Within this, conversations that are a ball of information bouncing back and forth, existing within an alternate reality, meaning  lack of respect for what is here in equality and oneness, will no longer reign and instead our rivers will flow once again with pure water, that is the currency of life.. It is, after all, natural to hear the music of the physical.  Look how naturally we absorb the limited information on the television? 

What is presence? Day 713

I am past fifty. I noticed changes in my parents as they grew older. It was more that I began to notice patterns in them, that something was changing. I noticed it in my mother’s art work. Somehow, it was not as clear. Since I noticed these changes, yet did not really look, I did not clearly define what was happening.

I also noticed changes in string performers. There is a difference between someone who is present when they play and someone who is moving in automated ways. They say, that one should not hear a performer thinking, it gets in the way, and the music loses some of its depth. It is to say that when a performer is present, one is more focused, and thus the listener is more engaged. It is in many ways an intimacy. Even performing with others has an intimacy that makes one really vulnerable. One is very exposed, especially to the trained ear. 

Yet, is this something, that when someone is present while playing, that they catch the focus of others?  How can this be? Also, to qualify, there are audience members, or listeners that do not hear. They come to hear a piece just to say that they heard the piece, and usually these are listeners that do not listen! To them everything is wonderful and the performer is almost a god that has some special talent. If one asks what they liked, they cannot give any real definition to their likes. It astounded me for a long time. It is why I so often did not want to remain after a performance to greet the audience. It was somehow painful, yet that is my judgement.

Every moment of life is really about being present. As I age, I notice that it is so easy to follow the habit of thinking. Even when I can with greater ease, let things go when I notice I tense up and want to react, calling out something I see as a limited perspective, which is a starting point of judgement because I am reacting to an ego, and thus I move more as agenda than solution; than investigation, than assessment. It is a fear that I lose something I define myself as, or that i have no standing, or that I can be defined by what another voices.  This is myself standing in separation from what is always here, as the physical. 

What I am defined as what is all of me, I am physical, this is the means of my expression. What is called out, in thought, word and deed, need not define me. Yes, if someone were to suddenly appear with a gun and shoot me, I would die - more than likely- yet what is voiced and promoted as measure, as idea, as belief, as opinion, as words, need not define who and what I am because it is, as words, about something, it is not what is manifest as the physical. And yet, what I practice as thoughts as ideas about here, can become automated within and as what motivates me as this physical state of being. If I allow ideas and beliefs and opinions to be who and what I am, without constant reference and reverence to all of me, I begin to lose my connection to life, to the physical.

I can sense this within myself, and I could, though I did not name it as such, in my parents. The disconnect from the physical world manifests in physical movements in people as they age. It gets more difficult to drive, it gets more difficult to listen, it gets more difficult to travel. It gets more difficult to open jars, and to take care of a house. I have seen this many times with aging people. And they see this as a norm. It cannot be normal. It is the opposite of normal. It is the consequence of a separation from the physical world, from being present, from focusing on here. It is a separation from being engaged to here. lol, I ask myself why reproductive relationships are so dominant in all stories! Why are  these singular relationships in a world of physical relationships made so HUGE as the focus of each of us? This is a distraction, this is enlarging something to remove one’s presence from reality. In a normal development, this would occur in a natural way. It would be a physical thing where two people would come together to reproduce. At the moment, as our society, it is forced. It begs the question as to how present we are. Are we really ‘ playing’ the instrument of ourselves as physical bodies on a physical world?

One can ask one’s self; How present are you? Can you conceptually process information with ease? Can you stand before something you have never done, a physical task, and use your innate spatial skill to realize the form and the function of what physically is before you, and then move with care and presence into moving with it in practical ways?

In some ways, I have not wanted to perform because it ends up being a situation where i am asked to perform all the time. I have taken this in different ways. One is becoming entertainment - and cheap entertainment as I was asked to get grants to pay for performances- this being me who performs and spends hours writing for grants so I can perform. A real disconnect from reality in relation to the people who have asked me to do this. I am always astounded.

The second, is this sense of people being drawn to me, as this idea that they come and suck something out of me. When in effect, if I perform with presence, it is that a person who is separated from being present is drawn to someone who is present- unless they are so removed, from having allowed an entity of belief to define who and what they are above , or before, a respect of the physical. One can get a resistance to presence, one can get those who desire presence and yet cannot clearly define an attraction to the greater degree of presence in another, and one can get those who recognize presence- and even here, may not be able to define this - lol it is ineffable in so many ways.

Thus, our behaviors within us, are visible in every move we make, as to how present we are in this physical world.  The solution to our loss of direct interaction with life, is to respect the physical world around us in every moment. this means we have to stop thinking and start being present. Everything that is moving in the mind, is a thought about here, it is equal in degree to one’s level of presence in reality- the physical.  Our presence has to be here, focused here, in every breath. If we are in thoughts we are in separation from life. In this, our imaginations shows us the correct use of what we are. If we are building an entity as a picture in our minds of right and wrong, without taking action, to cross reference, we are making what is in our minds larger than life.  When what we believe becomes larger than the physical world around us,  we lose our presence to and towards all things. This manifests through time as a loss of perception of the space around us. It becomes harder to do the most simple of things in our daily lives. Thus, the marker of our separation from considering all things is visible in every movement we take. In essence, we are what we allow ourselves to focus upon.  We are the directors of our own lives. Where we go will determine the quality of our life.  Do you remember what you did last year at this time? What would a life of being present in the physical reality be? 

Day 682 Is the metered measure within, as personality, grounded without as the practical necessity of real living on a physical world?

The longer I walk the process of my journey back to life, I realize how much music is very similar to this process. In music one can sometimes play a piece that changes the time signature from measure to measure. This means adjusting one’s sense of measure in time and space in a moment, from measure to measure.

As I slow down and look at what I have accepted and allowed as a mind consciousness system, the meter and measure of this is like a song that is quantum, meaning it has measures that have patterns and tenors as qualities that change in color and duration and form, they are like a metered measure that I have allowed to define who and what I am. 

In this, the mind consciousness measure that I have accepted and allowed is a metered form, thus it is in many ways a mathematical form that because it was accepted can be realized for what it is and changed. The starting point is to realize that before I was any of this information, I was not yet defined by culture and class and the education as the experiences that  are who and what I am as a personality of that information selected and used to define me, which I then protected myself within and as. 

For a long time now, in interacting with others, the racing measure of belief, opinion and idea, and my own movement within and as my accepted and allowed metered measure of information, was too much to sort through, it all seemed like thus huge entity that was impossible to infiltrate. And yet, that ability to slow down and start picking away as the measure of beliefs and the consequences of fear as loss of such measures, appeared too thick and too deep to sense and then direct within and without.

Yet, if I look at music, at moving measure, I can slow down and listen to the point where this is not so overwhelming, because it is in many ways a song, a mathematical form that has duration, tempo etc. And it is always a perspective about reality, as it is not reality, it is like a movie that is what separates us from being present and caring, steady and resourceful in our daily living. Our daily living is here, on this physical world, this starting point, this “before” a personality began to dominate our self directives, which are our actions.

I have used a protection and self defense measure within and as my chest area for so long that it actually hurts to change this. When there is pressure there, the only thing I have found to help is to change my meter so- to- speak. This means slowing way down and looking here, seeing the meter and measure of what is before me. This means that I have to feel, with all of me, and then within this, it means that I have to respond.  I must become self responsible to and towards that. What I  have found is that when I slow down and describe that, as the behaviors and the consequence of such behaviors and how they play out in real time, I place myself within a picture show and describe that picture show. This has to be done in such a way that the person to whom I talk can begin to see the measured show in more detail.

An example of this happened this past week. I was talking to a woman who had some issues with weight. I said to her that boredom can be as stressful as having too much to do. Overall, this is a lack of real focus in the moment. Our full ability is not in employment. She looked at me and said that made so much sense. In her case, there were habits of eating to ‘ fill the time’ and relax from juggling a busy day. It is as though I am within a performing orchestra, I can stand in the measure sung as the words and movements and begin to call things by name in the grounding order of slowing down and seeing the movement with all of me. It is calling things out and then work on building the structure to allow the real potential of what could exist as a living that is of more ease  because being present and realizing our within movements and how we can ground ourselves in the practical and use the practical to order in ways that are not as overwhelming as we might believe from a perspective of that racing behavior that is a perspective of reality and not what is real.

Within this, I must begin to trust myself, which means that I must touch what is here, remain in touch with the physical. This is an active thing, it is, in a sense to love all things as in not fearing them. This, through a process of elimination, means that love is in a way something that is easy. Love is what is natural when the absence of resistance is here as who and what I am as I no longer reject the physical world or fear the metered measures of belief, opinion and idea as a mind consciousness system that is a memory only and is of a practiced measure, so it is often repetitive..  Even here, as I write this out, I become calm, steady, even with a sense of the pulls of value judgements that I have accepted and allowed to define who and what I am as habits of information of a perspective that was me in separation from the value being equality and oneness to and as life here as the physical. I realize that there is a lot to learn, and a lot of practice within and as being what is the real nature of and as me, which is to love or evolve into being present and respectful of the physical as life information.

Is it not time to realize that that which has been made huge , as a mind consciousness, must become as tiny as it really is, in relation to the physical, and ground ourselves in the practice of walking with two feet on the ground and moving the shadows of separation into their real significance which is but a fleck in time and within this, to see, realize and understand that the value is the physical world as this is life information that is creation. And this creation happens when we all work together moving as individuals and yet one. This would look much like a flock of birds, dancing and moving fluidly with ease and shaping this world into a living and breathing expression of the joy of creation.

It is time to walk ourselves back into the physical wold, to practice the value being life. One can start within walking the DIP Lite process to understand the warping of reality as the information we define ourselves within and as, that separates our real potential into limited values that become emotions and feelings. The emotion being the fear and the feeling being the justification for not having sorted out the fear. The fear a momentary loss of self as life being present and here.

Thank you for reading1

Day 678 Who am I Within How I Focus Myself Here?

I notice I have something accumulating in my solar plexus. I woke after clicking on a tarot card notice that brought up the card ‘ comparison.’

And I have been worried about money. 

It is this idea that I am limited in my movements based on the amount of money I have at present. And yet, when I look at this, I am moving in many ways, setting up appointments and following through, which is the way and the means of building movement that leads to an outcome.

I notice that when I begin to self doubt, I begin to compare. Then I am caught up in weighing and measuring within limited values, in fear of failure. I can look at this word and change it to be defined in supportive ways.  I see the word ‘ ail’ within this word and the word ‘ur’ , as meaning the ailment of the starting point, which is moving within limitations; limitations being value judgements as my ur-sprung point!. I am comparing myself to another form, and believing that perhaps because my form does not meet that form, there is something wrong. I must tell myself there is never one way. Being creative means finding new and/or other ways.  As it is all about building relationships that are stable. If I look at chemistry, there are many different shapes and sizes that can come together, like a puzzle and create a form that functions with ease in this world. There are many ways to fill in the gaps.  This gap filling can meet in the middle, one supporting the other, being of the same nature yet with different means. Thus I cannot really compare myself to another form and yet I can learn from another form.This really is a perfect design.

If money represents the energy I accept and allow as the division of myself within the act of comparison in a narrow focus of beliefs, I move into survival and lose attention to a starting point of inferiority within my own natural ability to assess and evaluate and investigate and create.  And, I allow a whole chain reaction of values about myself based on ideas that become a seemingly endless cycle of comparison. My relationships of trust, can be created with individuals and with small groups, where the energy/support flows in manageable ways, extending my presence through another vein of the form of the structures on this physical world. 

Within music, as within performing, there is this point where I realized that I form the sound, I take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and form the sound, realizing I can decide the ending and the starting of the notes, and how the volume of the form as the sound can express itself. I notice that my attention within making this decision,  can accelerate when I make the decision to attend to what it is that I am doing in a moment. I have the ability to be aware of what I sound in every moment. And it is the decision to do this, that then opens up that ability to assess and balance. Starting from a point of insecurity and worrying about what another has or does or thinks, does not allow myself to focus on every nuance of what it is that I myself am doing! Also, within making the decision to focus on what I am doing within the very measure of what I am creating, has a sudden nature of being able to not only assess my measure but also, the measure of another as the values they are creating. It is that this decision to focus removes the judgement and opens up discernment. There is a kind of irony here, within this, because in so many ways this is the opposite of following only!  This opens up real participation, and real participation is the means of expansion in self discovery of the qualities of being present and using a natural ability to discern and self direct in substantive ways.

When I allow myself to participate, in the manner of being self responsible, I realize my natural ability to change, that I can assess what is here, practicing myself back into what is a natural ability to change, and realizing that remaining focused here, is what allows that natural ability to change, to move. It is to say the answer is in being what I fear the most, which is being self responsible here, naming the game and changing the game within common sense of what I would want, which is what is best for me, and as a consequence in considering here, what is best for all.

In all, being here is natural, allowing comparison within an idea of one-size-fits-all is unnatural. This means that I need not hold onto any imagined values only, because in focusing on the values of what is here as the physical as a starting point,  I need not hold onto anything, and realize that within this, I have a greater discernment and a natural compassion that is gentle because it realizes that being present and assessing what is here as the physical world, is where solutions are formed and lived and this natural ability to do so is found within being present and focused, placing my creative ability within reality.

Day 676 Becoming aware of emotional/feeling bodies on my physical body. Who am I within Presence?

Lately, I have noticed while interacting with others, that a moment can happen that appears like a swoon, as how I want to describe it. It happened specifically while sitting with another person, where I noticed their body swung in my direction and they laughed. It appeared like a movement coming towards me, one that I could respond to or not.

I also noticed this week, that while I was talking to a group, that within scanning the group, I had a couple of imagination/voices/ideas come up in relation to some of the people in the group.

What corrective statements I have written out within walking the destini i process helped me to ground myself back into what I was doing.

These imagination/voices/projections were not myself being present and focused on the context of what I was doing. These inner projections/voices/idea ‘ entities’ had nothing to do with myself and were not the ground on which I stood in that moment.

I could begin to see this effect on my body, as it was as though that ‘ swoon’ was around me as me, I reminded myself where I was, and who I was and what I was doing in that moment.

I realize I was in the process of balancing out the mind, physical and self, to ground myself in being present. 

I is interesting as what helps me within this, is my musical training. Why? Within playing in a group, one must learn to extend one’s presence to the other sounds as all the instruments in the group. They are a moving measure, intertwined and formed. This helps myself, as what I am doing, remain balanced within the whole. Within this, I am myself, and I am all the other parts too. If I separate from this awareness, I begin to lose my sense of place. I cannot blame anything around me, as it is my self responsibility to remain grounded in the moment. Nothing can distract me unless I accept and allow it. And, since I can sense the parts and the whole, and move within this, checking this and checking that within and without, my capacity has no bounds unless I limited this presence. I determine my focus, my presence.  

This presence, is so fluid, that it can sense when I am not focused, it can sense what I am being, what I am allowing within myself. It can sense what moves through the mind, as the thoughts as the back chats and the imaginations and the projections, just as I did when speaking to a group. None of this comes from without, it comes from within. Yet, as in sitting with another in close proximity, I can notice a change in the person, the parts of which is the details I may not pick up, and yet I can understand that this is the same as myself, a momentary projection directing the experience. Even this need not define who and what I am.

Within this, I, before walking the process of self forgiveness, writing and self correction as the very measure of me as thoughts, words and deeds,  very often complained about the spatial awareness of people around me.  As an adult, I often wondered as to why the adults around me and my friends were losing their spatial awareness. This manifested in my friends and strangers not being able to do the simplest of tasks that required spatial ability. It was one of the questions that was always there. 

In an interview on Eqafe,  emotional and feeling body effects are likened to a train running on tracks on the earth’s surface. When we are near the train moving on tracks, we can feel the vibrations of the train through the earth’s surface.  Those thoughts/imagination/projections as ideas, beliefs and opinions, that are polarized into emotions and feelings as fearing some form can define me, and/or running to some form as an idea can define/promise, are not myself being present here. In effect, they are what separates myself from expressing myself in normal ways here.  It really begins to be like walking through the valley of shadows, and the ‘ shadows ‘ can be sensed just as the reverberations of the train moving along the tracks through the earth.

Such ephemeral shadows, can be a gift. These ephemeral presences that rush and dissipate as they have no real presence, can be grounded back into what is normal, as being present here, within the means to self direct as that which senses this, as that which senses the physical world around me! 

Thus, I can, in every moment, ground myself in what is normal, in the practice of being present here, no longer allowing judgments about a good or a bad to define who and what I am, as the practice of being myself here is expressing consideration for all things within what I would want for myself . This is respecting all things as the physical world, being equal and one with and as it. to direct my actions in ways that do no harm. 

Emotional and Feeling Energy is created by your Mind Conscious System.  Are you running towards empty as memorized mis-takes on reality, as self judgements, or are you here, present, living, breathing, calm?