I noticed this morning when I woke up a wave of wanting to give up. Red flag. I decided to just move with this. I breathed, slowed down and read the story of information within me. Looking at the emotional pull. It is usually that I do not have enough information, or that I am allowing something to be greater than the practical movement around me.
In allowing this, and at the same time, moving to name this, I remembered an incident where I accepted a worst case scenario and found myself moving into calm. I realize that there were years when I practiced a skill, and would come to the same point of not seeing a way forward and only seeing a downward spiral. In real time, I would simply start moving, and then something would open up and a direction appeared. Within this, myself not realizing what I was taking with me that was the same that caused the sense of giving up! And that, in tandem with the patterns of taking the next step being the way forward.
At the moment, either way is a story, a time line of events, of inner movements. It is a running within that is not in synch with moving without. I find that when I want to describe something as a mathematical equation, I am talking about story, about sequence, about interaction, relationships. After all, what is the practical but a series of steps where one does the steps in real time, enjoying every texture, quality, intensity of and about things in real time. Also, I notice that the dialogues in the political spectrum a busyness in hypotheticals. As though it is being stuck in that moment of endless worst-case-scenario as a form of entertainment, creating an electrical storm- which evidently according to neurological mapping, it what is happening in the physical body. Though, at the same time, what is unique in a child, is an expression that is of perspectives as the qualities of the living physical world around us. In some ways it works both ways, it is more to what one is anchored. In this I remember in high school sitting at a table of coming-of-age peers and having a sense that somehow something was being lost. Somehow, a lesser form was accepted. Some walked away to find something else, and some embraced without resistance that world. These tended to be more at ease with themselves. Others fell into various stages of grief. This telling in itself. And, this a reflection, mirrored in behaviors, of the very sequences I myself could and would allow in various moments in my life. Such as the memory that came forward this morning.( lol, this morning I remember a memory of a moment of morning, and I moored myself into calm). I remember also, a sense of the arrival of a physical storm not being as stormy as I initially thought/perceived. It was as though I moved in a different time line, where the spaces around the churned up weather had great distances of space, in contrast to my reaction to the physical storm ,where the motions of the storm appeared HUGE. In music, the same thing can happen, as the notes and sound appearing to be too much, and then, suddenly, one moves into a space where there is more space! In some ways, this is a kind of statistical analysis, meaning, a form of ordering things in a different way, or changing perspective in a quantum way. Perhaps, I could do this, in that storm, because I was doing a lot of musical math, changing meter, changing time. I was also a reader, I was doing the same in reading things, entering other perspectives. I remember in my late thirties suddenly not being able to read novels. I would pick them up and read two sentences and put them down. They appeared to have the same patterns. I called it an angle of repose, meaning a soupy balance between two choices, and the overall choice was somehow not crossing some barrier. It is a sense that something is missing some depth. I say this in the words I used, in my own senses about my experiences. I also resisted relationships, because they would turn into this thick syrup, from my perspective and I avoided that. I suppose this is from years of playing too, because when I focused on that skill, it was usually more effective when I did not have the distraction of a man, as it exists in today’s world. Somehow, it should not be that way. At the moment, I sometimes notice people walking up to me as having a bubble of a different tempo, as though I see the soup of which I speak. It is similar to sensing the very fabric of what is here, like seeing a loved one leave, what is left also has a color, one of a much greater lightness. I have seen this before too, a dog that was put down. It happened really fast, and my family around me, they did not notice. At that point I had promised myself, in relation to my husband that I would no longer remain quiet about all of this. I knew it would be hard, very hard, but nothing was going to stop me. NOTHING. Basically, Desteni is the only place I have found the most accurate descriptions of all of this, and without that, I most likely may not have realized that of which I speak without them. I also realize that being focus is where one is most happy. And, in playing in tune, it has something about it that is of a stability that is eternal in some way. lol, I remember becoming annoyed when leading a quartet. It was annoying when another player was not listening, because it caused everything to be out of synch. Always had to choose to be concise, within what was specifically out of attention. Anything else would cause an emotional storm, and in every moment costing money, one could not afford to allow an emotional story take up the space. This is an unspoken thing among musicians. Somehow, in the movement, that which separates is rendered more visible.
In moving into my own inner resonant experiences, catching a moment of a belief in a doom type of story sequence within me, and then embracing it, and then finding the calm, and realizing the practical, I see as self-forgiveness. This is not rejecting what is here, it is accepting it and creating from that point. Yet, the intrinsic movement is one of being for-giving, as embracing what is here within, and moving to become in synch with what is here. Even coming-of-age stories are about this movement. It is that the antagonist and the protagonist are the self. Then, when sorted, one becomes more present and finds a form of self forgiveness to resolve and live greater connection to reality.
I notice on the newsfeed what came up this week were some articles on a phenomenon that some psychics have, which is being able to read a place in some other place. There are even courses where one can learn to do this. There is even a group in India that teaches reading an object with eyes closed. What is it that “ reads” what is within us, as that doom and gloom wanting-to-give-up inner resonant construct? I mean, can one see this with one’s eyes? What is it that can change up the math/meter of the space around us? And, can that be occupied with the pull of political stories in the media to such a degree there is a great exclusion of practical reality?
This reminds me of a story my sister told me. She had met a man who was upset because he realized with hindsight, that his adult years, in raising his children, became so caught up in doing Hockey his earlier adult years went by and he did nothing else. Even the “ friends” he had made at the time, that gathered together, he no longer had anything to do with. He was looking back and asking himself why he ONLY did that, and how at the expense of that, he buried other interests. To some degree we all do this. I mean, we are capable of focusing on more than one thing.
This has me look at our present system too. Our present system I would say, demands we focus on only a few things. It also does this through separation into learning a general scaffold about things in this world, that we then can pay to “ fill in” when this in itself is a form of down regulating intelligence. This too, is done with story, with sequences of movements within ourselves. It can be an inner resonant story fettered with value judgements, that can have a dialogue of varying quantifying values that have a space and time that can become a resonant story elevating one from the practical application of self with respect for this living reality. We have this physical earth, and yet, as with this man reflecting as questioning of what he did during the adult years in which he raised his children, we can separate from respect of this reality. This can be to the degree that what is being done with this physical resource that is the means of this living experience, that a few can through legerdemain pre-empt use of as the resources, to the degree that we see in the living reality around us. This is greater pollution and greater dis-ease in nature. We need only look and we need only ask why cancer is now killing more children than accidents, and only in the last decade or so. How many of us really understand this earth, this home, this fabric that is the very means of life? How many municipal workers understand that moss growing on a stem can indicate a high water mark, rather than some equations done with words in a piece of paper in relation to revenue generation? How many business owners in a town, within a given industry, pay others in an industry less, citing that their costs have gone up, without considering that if their costs have gone up, has this not happened to those from whom they are taking by paying them less? How have we humans come to accept a minimum wage that is not a living wage? How many of us do not realize that the labor of men is what generates economy, so why do we owe some federal entity when that entity exists because of the labor of men interacting with resources from an earth that no one can own because everyone eventually dies! And this within a system that has done research in manifested effectiveness having a common denominator in those who have a more effective mastery of language, which is sound, which is a means of being specific and ordering that of which I speak as what one is being/allowing as that within and what is practical without! It is as though the way is given and in plain sight, and yet it is circumnavigated which means that one can blame no one but the self. One must anchor one’s self in the moment as a living relationship to what is here, respecting all things, and doing no harm.
Look at what out schooling system does as well. It separates us from practical application, from living interaction, and has us abstract a set body of information. That in itself, is a form of separation by design! Within a lack of practical application, one acclimates to a focus on building ONLY an abstract of a story-line, as sequences of ideas about reality! Then is one’s words all aligned to an association of a set picture! And it is done under the guise of getting everyone on the same page when it is a math, a page, an order, a story as a resonant construct that lacks a living relationship to what is real and able-to-be-sensed all around us! And that is a more natural state! It is a picture making practice within ONLY. And since having some kind of inner picture to use to self direct is better than having no inner structure, it is no wonder we drink the cool-aid in plain sight! It is mis-use of space and measure? One could argue that we can learn something from proclaimed-by-some-which-is-opinion supermen as masters of industry, and thereby be pulled into a value system that has a truth and not see the forest through the trees! Meaning not see, realize and understand that there is no such thing as a superman, because no one man can possibly do anything alone, there is a whole story line of movements as labor behind any industry done by men on this earth. This means that the real power is in the numbers. This means that having a federal government that tells us we are in debt, is a fabrication that is simply a mis-use of resources, just as that man who realized he spent all his time in his adult years involved in one thing, having come from a schooling system that was be design, creating an abstract that is a resonant blue print, of a very very limited and warped story of information because it is a general scaffold about something! This by design is a state of being removed from a focus on reality, yet accepted and allowed by the individual. Astounding! Amazing how a distraction can be to live a vicarious non-doing relationship which could be the definition of entertainment! I suppose moving effectively within this, is like being in that storm in a boat, where is means slowing down and changing up the space to see the small and move within that. That is like walking through a crowd where the crowd appears to part to give one way. I suppose the best analogy to this is teaching music, where it is necessary to take in the whole and move to balance out imbalances. And, realizing within this that nothing can define one even if absorbed in a moment. And, if one knows the small, the basics, one can move to reorder them in a moment, so great is the real capacity of a human to READ what is within and what is without. That is the difference between one running on automation of an abstract and becoming a master. All masters realize the importance of the small, because, as I have done in music, my abstract began to run away from me, and I had to go back and reintegrate with the small to synch my presence back into the parts. I got to the point where the small was the most important thing.
I am reading a book where a man talks about hypnotizing people. He notices that past life regressions are a lie, because the stories are all the same, most often of famous stories, and in America there is a lack of past life regressions from China. He realizes this is because in America we do not have may stories about individual lives in China! Thus, past life regressions are an illusion, they are simply a resonant imprint!
If I contrast this with my own memories, or experiences, how much is really defined? A thing that leaves a body, does not have the weight of the personality leaving with it. So, the weight of the supposed past-life stories of sequences of events, are but pictures and not real, this weight cannot leave because it is not what is real. Therefor, this hypnotist realized that emotions are not something that can be trusted! The stories of information coming up in a person from their subconscious mind are not what is real, it is the resonant blueprint of “ a general scaffold of information”! lol This a mis-use of resources once again because a human being is born being present before the resonant addition of an abstract of story that is not in synch with this living reality! That is like, from my perspective, an artistry of pure manipulation of what is here. It is a state of really messing with the geometry of reality, of life, which is a state of not respecting life. If one wants respect, one must give that. That is the golden rule. It is the one law that is necessary; to do no harm, to take the good, to give as you would receive. This is a common sense natural law!
This was all done with the use of the resource ( re-source) of sound, as words, which are at the same time the means of calling things out by name, and lending focus onto reality. One’s inner resonant construct should be in synch with the physical reality. Or, have a practice of constant reference to the physical reality, because the physical reality is the super means of using the physical body as life in expression because that is what we are before religion, before programs as stories about things, that are merely a reflection of a state of separation from reality if not understood. I mean, realize how much FUN it would be to be able to utilize all one’s senses to here? Realize how much fun it would be to play one’s physical body instrument with mastery and grace, to move with life here!
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