Day 625 When I react emotionally I exist as a system of default.

When I react emotionally I exist as a system of default.

When I am not focused here, being considerate of all things as this world that is physical that I use to move within and be in expression as, I become agitated, full of friction and conflict resisting and reacting to the practice of living. I hide myself as life, from here, from looking here, because of some accumulated idea I have accepted and allowed without investigation as to what I am in this physical form that is the practice of living- which must be a form.

Emotions are often my system of default, where I separate from respect for physical life, as physical and life are one and the same, because life must have form. As I begin my life here, I live in the space of here, this physical world, and I become what I repeat because it is through a repetition of cells in various ways that the form of me exists. I can sense when I cut my foot, for example, so I am aware to some extent of these cells as they transmit messages when a change occurs. If I am not present and respecting my physical self I will not notice when a tick bites me, for example. If my memory as my experience becomes more, the focus of me, then I will not notice when that tick bites, because I have focused more on my memory that on what it is that I was before I even had any memory!

Thus, when I react and project blame onto things around me, I am not being response - able, I am not looking at what is physically here information and paying attention to what I was before I had memory, which means that what I am as a physical beingness came before memory, which means that memory is built on top of the physical as me. No wonder men lose the ability to learn, because we allow ourselves to fill up with memories that we believe are more than what we really are. That initial state was learning to sense the world, and this sense was transposed into a limited measure as memory, and then made larger than life. This is that ‘ mind’ that we are told to stop by some religious accounts. This is what makes it so difficult to change, because the directions we have accepted are not clear, are not what grounds us here in respect of the physical as life. So, we have a system to counter this lack of clear structure within, that has become a snake eating its own tale, where the lack is blamed when the lack is the cause! Thus, we circulate limitation and blame, lack and spite instead of solutions and stability. Can we remember that all the existent borders geographically, politically, financially and socially are divisions for control of each part being in default of common sense, and that the solution is to reform ourselves back into a practice of realizing that the physical is the means of our being, and that the memory at present  is a form within each that is not equal to this means of life? 

The responsibility is really with each person, because what another says, is an idea, composed of a measure about reality, and not reality, thus what another says, suggests, imposes, dictates, cannot define the listener unless they accept and allow it!  And within this, we become the measure of our repeated practice. So, if we spend our early years in a box, being the state of taking in information dictated through words that come to inform  us, as a measure of belief that becomes our understanding,  we not only become what is informed, we also become the behavior of taking in information without reflection, without having the practice of asking questions about that information. And as children, if we are already impulsed to listen to adults, we have a hard time counteracting our own behaviors and standing up and questioning what information is given to us in our schools, and the adults to not have the time because the dictates are too many to stop and consider in time, and the adult is of the same measure of taking in without time to question, so by default of investigation in a structure of time in space, it is that all measure is to limit that common sense to investigate what is real, as the physical world.

We cannot blame anyone but ourselves, because we accept and allow this and it is each part as each man that is the one that has to change this, to ground the focus of that self as that one part, back into being practical in a physical formation as what life, of course, would be! No one can to this for another, each must do this for themselves.

Thus, each must forgive the memorial as the measure of one’s past in this unacceptable system of memories unequal to respect for the physical which is life, and ground back into becoming the practice of living, which is accepting life, which is accepting the physical world. the within has to be equal to the without. the default system of unequal measure through the fault of not investigating all things instead of only memory, and focus in what does no harm to physical life information.  Our pyramid scheme that has lead to ivory towers is a system of aggrandizing one point of organization to the point on the top of the scheme that exists in separation from physical reality up there, at a desk doting ‘i’s’ and crossing ‘ t’s’ without any sense of what happens to that cell on the bottom of that foot or hoof or root. So far in sense is that aggrandized point that it moves things around on a paper world of information only, being the good student in the school, taking in the information and regurgitating it without question, just to have praise and in fear of not surviving which has come to mean having money; something we all accept and allow when we fail to stand up and realize that the power is in the numbers, of many standing together and forming something new, the same way we formed the old, through many parts as many men, being a part of the structure of what exists in a physical world. No one part is more than another, such a conceptual measure is a belief and has nothing to do with the practice of living which is a physical information practice in all common sense.

If we fill our rivers up on the land, and the rivers as the blood stream and the neurological steams with things that stagnate that flow then the machine as the system of life does not function in its full capacity. If we fill our memory, our reflection of reality, with limited forms as information imparted in abstract ways only, then our elect- rons , our elected ‘ running’ system will function in terms of that information, and if it does not match what we move as and through and with, then the actions as the directives will not fit the form as the physical that is the means of this blue print, as what a memory is. And the memory has no real sustainability, so a media that is ubiquitous must exist, to impulse its limited measure again and again and again. And this information is not equal to the physical world, to life. The nature of this must be constantly reminded, because on its own, it cannot withstand the test of time, because it is not equal to the physical, to life. Because of this, what we call heaven, as our memories, is our default system, that which must be ‘brought down to earth,’  makes sense and is of course why it was said, “ we have to bring heaven, as our inner measures, down to earth if we want to get to heaven. It is as simple as that. When I want to blame something, I have to stop, I have to breath, I have to slow down, investigate practical reality, until I am grounded. When I sense what is best , which is what would be best for all, the only solution, I become the practice of investigation of the physical and am focused here, I repeat and become the practice of being focused here, I take myself back and direct myself.  I stand as the practice that can withstand the test of time, and the scream of the default system as a memory in separation of equal consideration of physical information that is what life would be of course.

Day 583 My Personality with Women Cont. Self Forgiveness

Continuation of  My personality with women.

 The behaviors of suppression in fear of losing a friend as a consequence of this past event where I lost a friend because of criticism/evaluation-taken-personally of that friend’s mother by my father,  I built a personality of fearing to speak up in ways that might have been construed as criticism causing a consequence of  loss and rejection, specifically in relation to woman, where I fear causing a reaction of competition, a reaction of jealousy, the perception of being threatened, which I had learned to fear as in making an association to such behavior as potentially losing something.

If I look at my relationship with my mother, from the point of myself as a small child, I can see where I focused on what my mother wanted to hear, so as to not cause my mother to become reactive. This consumed my attention, to the point where I focused on what pleased my mother at the expense of my own perspective and insight of this practical physical world. This was the beginning of my personality development, just as the action conveys, that was of a narrow focus on the personality of my mother, that became the knowledge and information that I became, perpetuating that same persona. And to note here, that this was not all good or all bad, it was the limitation within this that developed my perspectives that I would as an adult learn the hard way as being limited, as beliefs that did not consider all perspectives of reality, and that did not remember that learning was a process, a continuum that was a building of understanding which meant change and  more directive movement, one that enabled communication that was of sharing in what allowed self discovery and thus direct seeing  to become an adult who realized a common sense expression with the physical world instead of worrying about what others might or might not think about who one was or was not.

So, in my relations with other woman,  I go into an inner conflict, as I have to constantly assess my own allowed personification - built from my occupation with my own mother - to that of another woman - that is more than likely built from her/their mother’s personality. This narrow focus, one that is of following to survive, in itself a separation from being here which is being equal to physical reality. So, it becomes bubbles of personification in constant comparison walking on “ eggshells” to not upset the bubble of belief, instead of sharing insights and realizing that practical real living is building a world where no matter where we are, we take care of practical reality, enjoy differences and create a world where the value is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear limitation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear belief.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear not matching the perspectives of another and within this to realize that I can “ match the perspective of another” and yet see that this does not define me, and as such, can follow through into expanding perspectives, building a depth perception that removes bubbles of limited beliefs and allows the end of a fear of loss that is really only a limited belief system and or a process of change that is what expansion is by nature, where expansion comes within seeing directly here, in practical reality.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the perspective of another cannot define me unless I accept and allow it.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the expression of another is a perspective, and as such can change, and also that it is this perspective that can add insight, and only defines in a moment, and within this, that what has been accepted and allowed is the holding of knowledge and information as ideas that define oneself in relation to one’s cultural and gender placement in a system of hierarchy that is the consequence of limited beliefs, where one collected values and used these as self definitions instead of realizing that what we are in every moment is a expression of life on a physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see , realize ad understand that resistance and conflict within myself as an emotional movement, are myself in comparison to another, in this case, women, where I resist what does not compliment my idea about myself, as my belief system, instead of being open and accepting the perspective of another, taking that which is good and does no harm, being thankful for that, and sharing myself, without fear of reprimand, judgement and jealousy, and standing as what allows a life lived in full potential realizing that all development no matter what, is what is best for me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to to mince my words, to not speak up in sharing practical reality, as in how practical reality works in ways that do no harm as the solution, as the directive, to enable another, and myself to expand in working with reality here, to create a world where life is the value, and where this value as being life, is what is shared, which, to note, would be an end to violence, and a world that one could call heaven.