Day 854 A power vortex. I am physically leaning forward ever so slightly. A fear of upsetting the illusive status quo.

I notice a point of victimhood where a very subtle energy appears like a very gently accumulating fog. It is as the word suggests moments of small actions that are of fear, obligation and quilt. Fear is really a lack of of understanding.

Sometimes one has to speak against an emotional pattern coming forward, even if it is not politically correct.  The other day I was speaking with some people and was distracted within worrying about how to say something. That in itself means that I am worried about pushing the “ wrong “ buttons, despite the fact that emotional value judgements are a state of confusion as they are a state of separation and an absence of investigation, or not having enough information.  Or, one could say, not enough focus on the practical reality as this physical existence that at the moment is entrenched in personalities. If one is busy projecting a personality, as a time line of value judgements as justifications for the choices of self interest one makes, then within that there will be shame and guilt and some spite in relation to the difference between being real and projecting a personality.

This was something like what I found myself within, fearing to upset some hyper inflated status quo narrative - which in itself as what I allowed -  blocked what I have experienced so many times, an opportunity for a moment of insight. One has to let things go in order to change order! Seems contradictory but it is not! 

On the world stage this often happens. That there is something called the silent majority means that many sense something is not where to go and yet are stagnant in taking a direction. This is something that is used by the present system. I mean, poverty is by design. Schools are a dumbing down structure, one that can sound good to someone already at a loss of effective critical and creative thinking skills. That we have the monetary system we have, and that we pollute so much of this earth for an “ economy” is already a disorder that is a lack of respect for all things, for taking the good and ensuring no harm, as that movement of consideration and respect for life is that which recognizes fundamental human rights. Fundamental human rights are a lot like taking care of a house plant. When certain things are not met, that house plant dies. It is in a physical state of expression. Having a “ heaven” and an “earth” is already a division which causes a separation. Remember, justification is complicated. Creation is complex, with that complexion being something that shines and is fecund with a creative spirit. Complex things are sustainable because they are in a state of homeostasis, they are not in conflict with one another, they are whorling together realizing that the differences are as important as the similarities. Something the system will do is accentuate the differences at the expense of the similarities, thereby causing conflict to then grab resources. What we have is resource war, and your programming is a part of that war. 

Then there is the physical aspect of this self suppression within and as me, as what I accept and allow. I notice this week within this point of having pressure within my chest, that I lean forward ever so slightly. I have caught this in the last couple of days as I have worked on naming this self generated construction of ideas, beliefs and opinions, that are wants, needs and desires. All based on my environment. All based on traditions from existential early environments that accumulated into traditions that became habits that are rituals to hold onto a past that is not what is here in the moment. And, these traditional rituals that are from past ecologies are a means of compartmentalizing one’s focus at the expense of respecting the physical landscape and working  directly with it. 

This ever so slight accumulating “ fog” is in this moment more of a fear - as I see it. The leading forward part has a sense of being in a burden, like I am attempting to answer too many threads at the same time without upsetting the “ spider” sitting on them. lol, that analogy just popped up! I have to ask myself what that spider really wants. That spider wants what we all want; to live a life! At the moment, so much of existence is in survival mode because of a mis-use of resources. In effect, we consume physical things to sustain our bodies. We are not in sync with creation, we are moving against it, as am I if I use knowledge and information, as ideas, beliefs and opinions to determine my actions instead of being present. And, in a way, all resistance is a form of self hate because we know that difference, we understand that something is out of balance and that harm is not a real solution. 

It is like there is a vacuum from my heart into my head.I selectively take in things in at the expense of looking here. That vacuous movement causes an ever so slight leaning forward. And, this is why things are written out, because as one writes things out one names the game, it simply comes up. Within me I am like FUCK! Changing the direction of this is to deconstruct it and then refocus or rebuild the words within and as me creating this personified whorled world of words. 

In a way this vacuum living in each human moves around the earth sucking up the resources without regeneration and respect, allowing it  to be filtered into an economic system that believes itself too big to fail, while in plain sight the weather patterns are changing because the earth is attempting to find some balance. It is ,just as within myself NOT a sustainable model. What exists as our current government reflects what is accepted and allowed by a collective of individuals, it is a power VORTEX! We are allowing our “ selves” as life to be swept up into a resonant and unsustainable false “ power vortex.” Interesting how what I sense today within me, as my heart/chest area mirrors the overall movement of the present system. And it would cause an ever-so-slight lean/liening forward disrupting a FOCUS on a consideration of all things, respecting all things to ensure NO HARM. As within, so without, as above, so below. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to cling to knowledge and information as a means of propping myself up here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear to focus here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am a victim of personalities as limited beliefs, ideas and opinions that are here, superimposed on this earth as a consequence of a belief that what is within as experience is larger than what is without and all around as who and what we are here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand how much I am “ falling down”within and as myself to live a lie that is a state of separation from consideration of all things here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear speaking up and looking at what is here, and to instead move into protection and self defense within and as hesitating when meeting a politically correct dialogue as suggested though repetition via a huge advertising system run by what could be called vacuum of self interest.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being hurt, or fear being in pain, when hurt is in this context simply myself in a way…. believing that I am being pushed away or rejected when in effect it is a rejection based on the expense of a refusal to respect all things and take that which does no harm.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself within this to not see realize and understand that the way I wrote that in itself though a recognition at the some time a lack of presence within a movement, this within this I commit myself to read this movement over all, within and as a physical context to begin to sense the difference within and as being present rather than in reaction to limitation that is in a way, overall, a form creation that in itself is an attempt to answer to where we as humanity are at in the moment here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize there is one choice within and as opening up my heart and being present here, to live in thought, word and deed that which realizes differences and similarities at the same time as this is a living definition of life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be grateful for this body, that is actually showing me to myself here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the extent to which the body is a tool where it is a means to maintain a homeostasis within and as a focus as the balance within and as all parts of this body composed of so many states of being here to live and be life it is astounding the lack of respect we give to our bodies which is reflected in the present system that exists through participation by a collective and as such the fault of no single one but of the greater whole of humanity.

When and as I find myself leaning forward ever so slightly I stop and I breath and I walk into a clear recognition of this as what I have accepted and allowed within and as me in this life here.

When and as I find myself considering being politically correct, within a limited narrative, within a suppression and lack of respect for self as life, I stop and I breath and I see, realize and understand that hurt within and as what it is that is suppressing the natural expression of the physical as the life in each and everyone that is here in plain sight, as the real potential of life that cannot be destroyed as it is always here. 

When and as I find myself as my body, as my chest area becoming heavy I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I sense the subtle movements that accumulate into a fog within and as moving into thinking as knowledge and information, and I assess and forgive and realize within and as lending discovery within and as what is desired by all, as allowing the potential of each and every unique living form to self realize what is best for all, which is here in plain sight as this earth and all things that compose this earth here.

When and as I find myself leaning forward every so slightly, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I let go and let be to comprehend what is here in the moment as myself and as my acceptances and allowances to realize an accepted order, or focus as my physical body, and to begin to realize movements that align into self discovery and self realization within and as what is the only choice, which is to stand equal and one to what is best for all, visible as this physical existence here.

When and as I find myself moving into resistances as shutting myself down to hide behind a shield of knowledge and information, I stop and I breath, and I allow insight into what is presence without a fear of loss, or a fear of reprimand, and I stand as I have faced reactions within and as justifications with calm and with patience and as such, am able to realize moving parts in a moment, just as I have realized this subtle movement of and as leaning slightly forward, to mirror an awareness of that which can withstand the test of time, and as such becomes a beacon of stability, a voice of constancy to bring forward that which is best for all, this movement  in itself requiring no recognition because the joy is in being focused and present, in respect of all things, which is a state that is the absence of restriction within the physical body which in itself is visible and has always been, it is simply repressed.

Day 653 Fearing to Let Self Definitions Go. Becoming the change I want to see.

Fearing to let self definitions go.

In walking the journey to life I realize with each step, how much I allow knowledge and information to guide me, as in myself following information without respect for the source of that information which is this physical world. Thus, I remind myself that knowledge and information without practical application is useless.

I notice that within myself I become tense. I have accepted and allowed this practice for so long it has become automated information. It is composed of inflated values that I accept and allow to personify me, creating a fear where the information by the nature of its limitation has no real constancy because it is not equal to what is real and constant, even beyond death, as the physical.

I learn through spaced repetition, contrary to what is taught within our education system, thus what I practice, as repeat, becomes who and what I am This reveals the gift of life, as what I accept as a measure, and practice/direct myself as, is a means to learning how to become equal to the physical, which is life information. A way to create, where this ability to create within myself, is to be and do that which is best for me, which is what would be best for all. It is symbiotic, where all the parts are me, equal and one. This is information as expression showing me how to be me, my oneness as my physical form, reflecting off of creation around me, as the physical. Thus what I accept and allow determines not only my own potential, it also determines the potential of life being fully lived and the way and means of becoming the creator I was meant to be.

What I do is process information around me, I can take this information and believe it is more than the physical world around me, or I can realize that I have accepted information into a mind consciousness that is separate from what is real, as the physical.

I notice physically, within my physical body, that I tense up within myself, as though it is a huge effort to ignore the world around me. And, that I suppress myself as life, as that same ability to take in information as that which built and accepted what informs and thus directs me here.

This ignorance suppresses my own fluid nature as my common sense ability, manifest as a tension  built of limited knowledge and information. I am not cross referencing what is here, as the means of me, as the physical world. 

I have to slow down and breath, and realize that with each moment, with each breath, I can assess what is here, investigate all things until I am ready to realize in thought, word and deed that which is best for all because what is best for all is what is best for me. I must know the score of the physical, and because of what has been accepted and allowed, the score of a social construction that orders a dis-order within men, as the acceptance of a mind consciousness before creation- which is the physical. What guides me is to live a principle that is a practice of the solution being what is best for all, as what is best for all is what is best for me. Thus, I move as what is best for myself, as this is what is best for all, as each part is me in another life. In this way, do I become equal to that which can withstand the test of time, equal and one as the physical.

When I become tense, within me, like this tightly wound clock filled with limited information, that is not all bad, I separate from including and respecting all life, as this physical world around me.

I notice I become what I define as feeling loopy, where I become uncertain, and then anxious. I lose a sense of stability and realize there is a movement, like a ‘ soup’ around me, that is knowledge and information composed of inflated values, that I have allowed to become larger than the physical world. Many of these inflated values were learned from the environment. During those first seven years, when my foundations as experience were being filled, were from my parents who were products of the same system, and what information informed me within the education system, and the information that is ubiquitous as our present media information. Instead of assessing this information in ways that grounded this into a practical action, I followed in my own desire to survive, acting in self interest, instead of respecting this world and making choices that considered all things and did what was best for all, as what was best for all is what is best for myself, here.

So, when I find this habit I have accepted and allowed, as moving as limited knowledge and information, I stop, I breath, I slow down, I sort out information and apply the principle of oneness and equality, as what is best for all, as this is respect for creation, as the physical which is life information.

I realize, that when I project an idea, a belief, or an opinion, I am imagining something about reality. If I spite anything, or project a blame onto an object within this physical world, I am acting in my own self interest, and in separation from life. I then create my own dis-empowerment. I can stop, I can slow down, I can self forgive my thoughts, as the measure of my information, and apply a corrective application that moves information into what is best for all, within the principle of oneness and equality, as respecting creation, which is the information of the physical world.

I can become still, like water, and listen until I have assessed what is here, and what information is being communicated - for example- and ground that form to be in line with the physical world, to be in respect of creation information as the physical. 

I can be aware of my own acceptances and allowances and know when I am allowing a tension within that is composed of limited information generating a separation from my own common sense, that I can then move out of  judgement as inflated values in self interest, and reform/transform within the principle of what is best for all, as this is what is best for self. 

Because I have programmed myself though my own acceptances and allowances, I can change that programming, within the principle of what is best for all, the principle of oneness and equality, to stand equal and one with creation, to move through the eye-of-the-needle and stand within what is eternal as what does no harm, as what is equal in creating life. This is the gift of physical life. Here can I reach the full potential of myself as life, focused with and expressing creation information. This is an action that does no harm.

One of the signatures, if you will, of this tension that is my own accepted and allowed ignorance of what is real, as the physical world around me, is a thickness within my chest area, a kind of protection and self defense, an inferiority to believing that information around me is superior, as believing something cannot change, or the information is too difficult to process and ground. Thus, when I find this measure, as a movement, being generated within and as me, that I have accepted and allowed, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, until I am calm, and I assess the information around me, until I am able to give practical applications that direct in consideration of all things, as being the choice that is a solution of no harm, of bringing information back down to earth, practicing what is best for all, as this is what is best for myself.

I realize that the only thing limiting me is fear. And I realize that this fear is  a habit, that is built of information, that creates a bubble of energy around me, where I begin to feel loopy, ungrounded, and overall, not at ease. I can in this moment, breath, and assess until I understand the score as the measure around me, as the physical world, and become a practical solution that is beingness as the principle of what is best for all, a living principle, here.

This is my journey back to life to realize the value is life, and to practically stand in thought, word and deed the principle of oneness and equality, the principle of what is best for all, to become the same today, tomorrow and yesterday, equal and one with creation as the physical information called earth, here.

Day 583 My Personality with Women Cont. Self Forgiveness

Continuation of  My personality with women.

 The behaviors of suppression in fear of losing a friend as a consequence of this past event where I lost a friend because of criticism/evaluation-taken-personally of that friend’s mother by my father,  I built a personality of fearing to speak up in ways that might have been construed as criticism causing a consequence of  loss and rejection, specifically in relation to woman, where I fear causing a reaction of competition, a reaction of jealousy, the perception of being threatened, which I had learned to fear as in making an association to such behavior as potentially losing something.

If I look at my relationship with my mother, from the point of myself as a small child, I can see where I focused on what my mother wanted to hear, so as to not cause my mother to become reactive. This consumed my attention, to the point where I focused on what pleased my mother at the expense of my own perspective and insight of this practical physical world. This was the beginning of my personality development, just as the action conveys, that was of a narrow focus on the personality of my mother, that became the knowledge and information that I became, perpetuating that same persona. And to note here, that this was not all good or all bad, it was the limitation within this that developed my perspectives that I would as an adult learn the hard way as being limited, as beliefs that did not consider all perspectives of reality, and that did not remember that learning was a process, a continuum that was a building of understanding which meant change and  more directive movement, one that enabled communication that was of sharing in what allowed self discovery and thus direct seeing  to become an adult who realized a common sense expression with the physical world instead of worrying about what others might or might not think about who one was or was not.

So, in my relations with other woman,  I go into an inner conflict, as I have to constantly assess my own allowed personification - built from my occupation with my own mother - to that of another woman - that is more than likely built from her/their mother’s personality. This narrow focus, one that is of following to survive, in itself a separation from being here which is being equal to physical reality. So, it becomes bubbles of personification in constant comparison walking on “ eggshells” to not upset the bubble of belief, instead of sharing insights and realizing that practical real living is building a world where no matter where we are, we take care of practical reality, enjoy differences and create a world where the value is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear limitation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear belief.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear not matching the perspectives of another and within this to realize that I can “ match the perspective of another” and yet see that this does not define me, and as such, can follow through into expanding perspectives, building a depth perception that removes bubbles of limited beliefs and allows the end of a fear of loss that is really only a limited belief system and or a process of change that is what expansion is by nature, where expansion comes within seeing directly here, in practical reality.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the perspective of another cannot define me unless I accept and allow it.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the expression of another is a perspective, and as such can change, and also that it is this perspective that can add insight, and only defines in a moment, and within this, that what has been accepted and allowed is the holding of knowledge and information as ideas that define oneself in relation to one’s cultural and gender placement in a system of hierarchy that is the consequence of limited beliefs, where one collected values and used these as self definitions instead of realizing that what we are in every moment is a expression of life on a physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see , realize ad understand that resistance and conflict within myself as an emotional movement, are myself in comparison to another, in this case, women, where I resist what does not compliment my idea about myself, as my belief system, instead of being open and accepting the perspective of another, taking that which is good and does no harm, being thankful for that, and sharing myself, without fear of reprimand, judgement and jealousy, and standing as what allows a life lived in full potential realizing that all development no matter what, is what is best for me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to to mince my words, to not speak up in sharing practical reality, as in how practical reality works in ways that do no harm as the solution, as the directive, to enable another, and myself to expand in working with reality here, to create a world where life is the value, and where this value as being life, is what is shared, which, to note, would be an end to violence, and a world that one could call heaven.