Day 857 Self forgiveness on the resonant mind consciousness system of separation from life.

The other day, I had a conversation with someone close to me. In a moment, I was aware of contradictory statements, and then, a “ state of being” as a personality. It is, though I have heard this before, a movement into a limitation, like holding a belief as a thing, and then in the next jumping into another context. Overall, a cognitive dissonance from the ordinary practical and physical reality that is here, in plain sight. 

The words, changed according to the personality. In one moment it was resisted, or reacted-to in relation to what I was conveying, and then in the next it was admitted to or acknowledged. What I noticed it that as I noted the two entities of belief, as expressed, as a contradiction, the different states of being, like a thing, like a mathematical formula in front of me.

Within this, I could also see that in the past, I would have reacted to the emotional content of one and agreed with the other to appease the initial emotional reaction. lol, at the same time that I write this, I realize that in working with others, I tend to relax when there is agreement, at the expense of covering some limitations that would most probably become a bounce back. Therefor, within this, having a situation where there is seeming agreement, there is also necessity to cover what is not being said. 

I suppose, as a child, seeing a state-of-limitation as a time line of built beliefs, would be a “ pain” in a way, and within myself, a reaction as a movement to move away from, ignore, avoid continuing or creating that tension of limited belief consuming the FOCUS of the body of the person. Yet, the realization that nothing can define a person, would enable one to have empathy as one moving beyond sympathy into real means and ways to allow a self discovery of balance and presence. Somewhat like turning a dial on a magnifying device in ways that uncover a limited and constructed focus of the body. Yet, I have found that uncovering things, when noticed and remembered, one - as anything in this reality, there is a need of space to process the uncovered, or discovered. Within this, one of the means of limitation is to give no space to actually process one’s experience. It is why, as I have discovered, our present government layer and spread things out, making it easy to hide what is real in plain sight and yet cause distraction to uncover the construct of the whole. Greed is a nasty business, one that kills the parasitical host as well as the victim. This understanding is probably there in the child, as the child enters this superimposed reality in reality. Processing that and learning to live with what is here, requires careful consideration, that one thing that is basically blocked within the demands of a limiting system. But then again, overall, it is like one giant computer game, where one must learn the inherent traps- even when they are spread out.

Yet, this is about inherent contradictions that are visible in a state of jumping beliefs within self interest. Self interest being a math that is separate from the practical and ordinariness of life manifest as the physical. This that would be a state of considering ALL things, FOCUSING the body on recognizing ALL THINGS. Of course, cross referencing all things, would mean to focus in the moment, as here. Focusing on memorized ideas, beliefs and opinions, would be a state of separation from being focused here. And, as humans are happy when they are doing, being focused here, would have a quality to it, one that would be more constant and calm. Most likely, when we are at our best self, the quality of our expression would be that of greater constancy, meaning of less contradiction. Again, it is all a math. 

In this moment, of which I speak, the contradictions as the expressions from this person I was communicating with, were suddenly visible. I, within myself, realized on one level, how influenced I had been by the emotional intensity of this person. And on another level, at the same time, I realized to probably a more defined degree, how much contradictions are so evident. And they appear like a sudden jump in space in time. I also realized, simultaneously, how such could be more directed into seeing the whole and the moving parts - as life is consideration and expression at the same time. And, to had another level of my own inner movements, from being the same, I realized I feared what was said and discussed, with the reactions as beliefs, that more than likely, our conversation would be echoed through a group and spun in such a way that answering to the scattered beliefs would be a ripple effect that I feared “ causing.” As it would be me, in relation to all of this, that the questioning of things would be placed upon. And this, in a way that I had criticized what was basically a belief construct. Something that as personality and limitation would react and be cognitively dissonant from hearing anything else. Thus, addressing those fears is necessary. Especially, when overall, as always, the answer is in noticing the inherent contradictions and balancing them out into common sense. This means facing the storm of limitation. And, as was more visible in this moment, at the end of that day, it is something to be fearless within. A fearlessness that needs no second thoughts, no requirement of recognition, no sense of gain. Any of those things would hide the difference. 

This also helps me to realize in a more substantial way and means that the difference between being present and focused in respect of all things, has a direct correlation to the amount of contradiction in what is said as the very words we speak. Thus, as I said before, it is all a math. And, the focus of the body, within and as accepting limitation, is visible. Moving into what is natural, as something like hearing that grass grow, will take time, and yet most likely open up in a moment as something that was always, in all ways in plain sight, and very natural.  I suppose being able to do that, would also mean one would be able to see one’s own means of separation from that, in a moment. And, know it so well, one would never ever make the choice to return to ignorance. It is that the less one believes one can move one’s self here in this reality, the greater one’s distance is from reality, and the more resonant chaos of ideas, beliefs and opinions one has spinning within one as a false god. The more this is one’s state of being, the more difficult it is to pick up a hammer and hammer in a nail, so distracting is one’s resonant ghost. The potential ensuing verbal drama’s are a form of entertainment, from having played a video game for so long, the focus has a hard time being changeable back into remembering that life is all things, and thus the physical living reality is the starting point of who and what we are as life. It is life in expression and it is here.

Self forgiveness to follow… 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear emotional movements, as expressions as beliefs, as ideas, within and as the very focus as form within and as the physical living flesh as the body.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as ideas, beliefs and opinions as making a projection of ideas, beliefs and opinions larger than life itself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to breath, to slow down and to use myself as life, in tandem with this physical living flesh that is me here, to see realize and understand that life is here in plain sight, that the focus as a from, as a movement of the physical body as the flesh as this earthly living form, is life, and as such can build an inner focus of separation from common sense, visible when one listens to the words being spoken and look at the movement of the person in plain sight, as the lens of the body reveals the focus of the body here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that processing the inFORMation of what is here, is what is innate about who and what I am as life as the physical and as such can see, and feel that focus of the body and hear the contradictions as the words, as the sounds as the forms from the body here, and within this, I am able to address the information and the focus of the body to see realize and understand imbalances and discover what makes sense as what is best for all here as life, as the means is always in all ways here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand the correlation to being emotional and being present here, as the difference is visible, in the focus and the words of the from as the physical body as the person as the human as the life that is here as life is simply here, whereas projections distort focus and expression of self as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a character of and as a quality of being surreptitious, where I listen and maintain a distance from being here, which in itself is being a watcher, without taking actions that move into what balances the within, to the without, the above to the below, to realize the value is being here, equal and one in consideration of all things as all that is is myself in another life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to tense up, within and as my chest area, to shut down looking here, within and as allowing myself to fear emotions, which are basically not having enough information, and as such causing a state of separation and limited thin-king here, as well, a from of protection and defense as a consequence of avoiding consideration of all things in a moment, because of an idea of a fear of loss, when the real loss is a lack of considering all things, where in so many ways, the simple is usually the answer, often visible in retrospect, revealing that the polarized chaos is also a system, one that morphs in many ways and can appear overwhelming, when within this the patterns are similar, and as such, able to be addressed without any emotional reaction within myself here, as I am life and I am here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to slow down and decompose what is around me to see realize and understand the correlations evident in the difference between being focused here, in respect of all things and being in protection and defense in relation to hiding a lack of being able to process the projections of beliefs, opinions and ideas, and the difference of being present and in recognition of all things as the realization that life is physical and in plain sight here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize in every moment, the power of being focused here, and not reacting to limitation, but to rather focus on the form that is here, in every moment, as the difference between being focused and what is essentially being scattered as living as knowledge and information, instead of being practical and in respect of life as the physical, because the physical is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel ashamed at the extent to which I focused ONLY on the emotional content of and as the fear, the false evidence appearing real, as the projection of ideas, beliefs and opinions, that are recognizable in the polarized, value judgements that are basically a denial of being present, as a value judgement is an association to an idea, as the very quality and nature of such, which is a signature of being scattered and thus insecure, and thus in a state of loss of common sense.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize the math of what it means to be scattered, that is visible, as in the very focus of the body, as the presence is absent, because at the end of the day, each and every one of us knows the difference, which is why what we practice is what we become, as what we practice is what we allow, which leaves a mark, because separation causes a lack of focus, and thus a lack of capacity, and thus a lack of security and stability.

I forgive myself for being locked in limited associations within and as the very focus of myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to read through things like troll letters, especially the really long ones, because they bring forward the patterns of cognitive dissonance, in their very form and function meant to cause frustration and discord, as things are triggered through label and name calling and seemingly invisible threats as the “ you are either against us or with us” scenarios which is a form of limiting information as revealing the whole and the moving parts.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing a storm, to fear being confrontational, as in reality, fearing to be confrontational, within and as common sense, reflects the degree to which one is lacking information as being grounded, as facing limitation and scatological thin-king,which is a gift because it means that one is essentially lacking in real seeing, in real living presence, in real movement as steadiness, as being grounded in consideration of all things here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that any form of self pity is a distraction from looking at what is here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to have realized the difference between speaking as knowledge and information, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear to look here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear to look here, and to open this up, as I fear being accused of having done the same, and also within this, to realize that all manner of responses will be expressed as the very process of coming back down to earth requires processing the difference here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have not noticed the difference.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing a mind consciousness system that is of obvious shadow movement within and as the human physical body that is more constant as it is life, as this earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to remain steady in focus and purpose within and as realizing in thought, word , and deed that life is here, and that life is physical, as this is considering all things, and taking the good and ensuring no harm, to redirect into the value being life here as being in expression of creation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to act, to behave in protection and defense within and as wanting to memorize structures to guide me in relation to, which is also an idea, that I must have a firm template or grasp, or both, to allow me, to prepare me to face what is here as a mind consciousness system that is a resonant form around the human physical body, as a projection of and as ideas about the past, which are basically unresolved beliefs as a fear of loss, in the order of being able to face something, which is a form of caution, and yet, any children, especially in earlier generations did not have this to the extent it exists today, and were able to see, and yet not be heard, as they did not yet have the means of communication, especially with parents who were lost in a limited narrative of limited values that were in an absence of considering all things as who and what we are here as physical states of being.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to relax, to remain calm, to see, especially within the experience, that when and as I look here, in some small moments what was discovered was of a greater understanding and a consequence  of being less emotional as a slow and subtle trust is built that enables me to face emotional storms with lending direction that resolves and discovers a more balanced state of being, which in itself as a form of realizing emotional charges as beliefs that lack respect of who and what we are as physical life, as life is physical and that physical is life, as it remains and is visible, is in plain sight here, and as such as a system of great inequality, what is the means of a few owning what is here put to promulgate a narrative that there is an after life, or to pretend “ love and light” when real love is the universal measure of and as “ to give as one would receive,” as this measure in practical movement, would create an existence where no one is in lack, as this is natural. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am disempowered.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe, that I have no power.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand how tiny is the projection of a mind consciousness memorized and self created inner resonant system is a construct of little value in that it has no real longevity, as was evident in the death of my father, thus the emotional storms of really of no significance, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself as my beingness, to see, realize and understand that it means to stand here, within and as describing the difference, to bring the gap between being focused here, in respect of all things as the physical living and breathing and expressing physical state called earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that at the end of the day, there is only here, this physical breathing expressing reality called earth.

I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding that when and as I cannot hold a more complex form within me, I am showing myself to myself, as the very distractions of polarized values thwart my focus onto being one and equal within and as standing equal to a more complex form, which means that when and as I cannot stand one and equal to a more complex form of disassociation I am not grounded here, in reality, equal and one to this existence, for which there is no excuse, none, no “ soft love” as an idea is going to change this, as there is only standing equal and one with intent, especially as adults that can use words and communicate because I am no longer a child.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to process what is here as forms chest on here, as I understand that the heart as a much greater electrical field than does the head…., but more on that research later.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that even if this is true, it means that the suppression through the use of projection of an energetic visible field around the physical body, is of such thin stuff it is astounding that the heart is suppressed to the degree that it is…

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand those moments where “ troll” manage was in my space and to which I did not react, and instead if anything, looked at with curiosity, and within that realized the patterns and forms and was more effective in not triggering the emotional field, and as such answered to it in ways to allow it to discover itself, within and as asking it to repeat itself, as within the law of three, bringing something forward three times as a great effect, which is also in the bible.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to ask questions more, as making statements by nature places pressure to respond, which causes a discord within a state of separation as a person believing that their resonant belief system is more real than life here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that I am life and as life I am capable of standing one and equal to what are essentially resonant constructions of polarized values that has patterns to it, like patterns of grief, and is visible as we can only speak our experience here, thus we reveal even in silence where we are at, as the living breathing physical reality is in plain sight and of such magnificence that real life would be in expression in every moment, even in silence, as in a way, within and as intention, real understanding is a constant that cannot be denied.

Day 856 Walking out from behind the veil of ideas, beliefs, and opinions.

It is astounding how much everything is a math. Within this, to realize the extent of personality that one becomes within and as beliefs, opinions and ideas.  

The other day, I had a conversation with someone close to me. In a moment, I was aware of contradictory statements, and then, a “ state of being” as a personality. It is, though I have heard this before, a movement into a limitation, like holding a belief as a thing, and then in the next jumping into another context. Overall, a cognitive dissonance from the ordinary practical and physical reality that is here, in plain sight. 

The words, changed according to the personality. In one moment it was resisted, or reacted-to in relation to what I was conveying, and then in the next it was admitted to or acknowledged. What I noticed it that as I noted the two entities of belief, as expressed, as a contradiction, the different states of being, like a thing, like a mathematical formula in front of me.

Within this, I could also see that in the past, I would have reacted to the emotional content of one and agreed with the other to appease the initial emotional reaction. lol, at the same time that I write this, I realize that in working with others, I tend to relax when there is agreement, at the expense of covering some limitations that would most probably become a bounce back. Therefor, within this, having a situation where there is seeming agreement, there is also necessity to cover what is not being said. 

I suppose, as a child, seeing a state-of-limitation as a time line of built beliefs, would be a “ pain” in a way, and within myself, a reaction as a movement to move away from, ignore, avoid continuing or creating that tension of limited belief consuming the FOCUS of the body of the person. Yet, the realization that nothing can define a person, would enable one to have empathy as one moving beyond sympathy into real means and ways to allow a self discovery of balance and presence. Somewhat like turning a dial on a magnifying device in ways that uncover a limited and constructed focus of the body. Yet, I have found that uncovering things, when noticed and remembered, one as anything in this reality, there is a need of space process the uncovered, or discovered. Within this, one of the means of limitation is to give no space to actually process one’s experience. It is why, as I have discovered, our present government layer and spread things out, making it easy to hide what is real in plain sight and yet cause distraction to uncover the construct of the whole. Greed is a nasty business, one that kills the parasitical host as well as the victim. This understanding is probably there in the child, as the child enters this superimposed reality in reality. Processing that and learning to live with what is here, requires careful consideration, that one thing that is basically blocked within the demands of a limiting system. But then again, overall, it is like one giant computer game, where one must learn the inherent traps- even when they are spread out.

Yet, this is about inherent contradictions that are visible in a state of jumping beliefs within self interest. Self interest being a math that is separate from the practical and ordinariness of life manifest as the physical. This that would be a state of considering ALL things, FOCUSING the body on recognizing ALL THINGS. Of course, cross referencing all things, would mean to focus in the moment, as here. Focusing on memorized ideas, beliefs and opinions, would be a state of separation from being focused here. And, as humans are happy when they are doing, being focused here, would have a quality to it, one that would be more constant and calm. Most likely, when we are at our best self, the quality of our expression would be that of greater constancy, meaning of less contradiction. Again, it is all a math. 

In this moment, of which I speak, the contradictions as the expressions from this person I was communicating with, were suddenly visible. I, within myself, realized on one level, how influenced I had been by the emotional intensity of this person. And on another level, at the same time, I realized to probably a more defined degree, how much contradictions are so evident. And they appear like a sudden jump in space in time. I also realized, simultaneously, how such could be more directed into seeing the whole and the moving parts - as life is consideration and expression at the same time. And, to had another level of my own inner movements, from being the same, I realized I feared what was said and discussed, with the reactions as beliefs, that more than likely, our conversation would be echoed through a group and spun in such a way that answering to the scattered beliefs would be a ripple effect that I feared “ causing.” As it would be me, in relation to all of this, that the questioning of things would be placed upon. And this, in a way that I had criticized what was basically a belief construct. Something that as personality and limitation would react and be cognitively dissonant from hearing anything else. Thus, addressing those fears is necessary. Especially, when overall, as always, the answer is in noticing the inherent contradictions and balancing them out into common sense. This means facing the storm of limitation. And, as was more visible in this moment, at the end of that day, it is something to be fearless within. A fearlessness that needs no second thoughts, no requirement of recognition, no sense of gain. Any of those things would hide the difference. 

This also helps me to realize in a more substantial way and means that the difference between being present and focused in respect of all things, has a direct correlation to the amount of contradiction in what is said as the very words we speak. Thus, as I said before, it is all a math. And, the focus of the body, within and as accepting limitation, is visible. Moving into what is natural, as something like hearing that grass grow, will take time, and yet most likely open up in a moment as something that was always, in all ways in plain sight, and very natural.  I suppose being able to do that, would also mean one would be able to see one’s own means of separation from that, in a moment. And, know it so well, one would never ever make the choice to return to ignorance. It is that the less one believes one can move one’s self here in this reality, the greater one’s distance is from reality, and the more resonant chaos of ideas, beliefs and opinions one has spinning within one as a false god. The more this is one’s state of being, the more difficult it is to pick up a hammer and hammer in a nail, so distracting is one’s resonant ghost. The potential ensuing verbal drama’s are a form of entertainment, from having played a video game for so long, the focus has a hard time being changeable back into remembering that life is all things, and thus the physical living reality is the starting point of who and what we are as life. It is life in expression and it is here.

Self forgiveness to follow… 

Day 852 Spells and Deception. What are career politicians?

I have experienced these “ information” shifts while speaking and connecting with others. I realize I continue to have fears around this. I notice it when I realize I am in a different point than I was previously and yet I can’t remember the shift. This is most likely because, like the dog, it is a deeply habituated movement. One that I suppressed over time. I realize it is, at the end of the day, a conceptual movement. I am in separation from what is here as the physical, that which is practical. 

I actually feel that it is something like … “ one is not supposed to do that.” “ It is not polite” to acknowledge and expose one’s own personal deception.” DE- ception: the action of deceiving someone - “ from to take.”  A lie-by-omission is a form of “ from to take.”  Meaning, to take something from someone, to take awareness away from - a form of artifice. To take presence from someone, to catch them in a spell, or maintain limitation. A spell that should one see the boundaries of, the spell would have no power. Is it possible that one could be considered “ difficult” if one remains out side of the bubble of the spell ? Like remaining outside of a cathedral ages ago because one realized it was a box of information, like an iPhone, of control, or count rolling, or a thing of measure of limited story, as sequences of events, excited with bright colors and music? I mean what is the difference? There is no difference. One is simply moving at a different pace and sequence!  

The word “ conception “ would mean “with- take.”  The “ con” being an intensifying word, meaning to “ take” in, as to become one with. The prefix “ con” intensifying the root of the word as “ caption.”  Suffixes and prefixes can morph words to intensify their meaning.  So many of our words are related to personalities and likes and dislikes which are all relative to one’s resonant emotional/feeling body, or past experience being projected into the future, that being based on unresolved imbalances one could say are heavily charged with value judgements. That behavioral box that is really no different than a dog being taught to greet the owner with great excitement - that excitement that at times is not wanted, and the dog becomes the problem when the problem was how the human programmed the dog. And the realization that punishment is never an answer because punishment is not solving the problem. It would appear that living in a resonant bubble of likes and dislikes would project the problems outside of itself and onto the surrounding objects. What a waste of potential. 

lol, It is almost as though I wrote out a rant here, about the deception of personal spell casting. Those generated fields of energy around a body. That which becomes visible if one watched a horse whisperer, or a dog whisperer. Some may react as though such a skill is a “ god given talent’ when it is not. It is more common sense in action. Projecting that skill/presence as a “ thing” outside of one’s self, will indicate the degree of separation from real  sound and stable conceptual ability in a person.

Given that normalized deception has been generated for eons, speaking up to such deception will generate reactions! Yet, that is opportunity. Avoiding such is more the same that caused this problem. It is like what Christ said, “ forgive them for they know not what they do.”  That “ forgiveness” does not mean an end game of acceptance only, meaning to realize the limiting and narrow conceptual projections of belief and opinions, but to then follow through and problem solve. Meaning to begin to move outside of that resonant storm to become one’s authority as life, here. It means to disperse the illusions. It means to demystify all of this.

So, I was in this situation where I suddenly recognized that I had been somewhere else, and was in a different space. I cannot remember the switch. I do remember suddenly pulling back. It was so quick. It is like this tiny fragment as a movement. 

This in itself is tied to what it really means to define a word. Meaning, to define words in such a way that the word has an eternal quality to it. It has a steadiness that is myself standing as a “ spell” that is not a “spell” in the sense of deception. It means to stand in such a way, that like a dog whisperer, to with all of me, lend a reflection of a state that allows self-discovery,  or insight into what is real, as the physical creation. If we lived here, on this earth, within the principle of what is best for all, meaning to take the good and do no harm, to give as we would receive, which means to ensure the fundamental basic needs of a human “ plant” we would build a world where our real potential as creators would come forward. We would recognize our own bubbles of illusion and stand here, with creation, which is physical - that one thing we are so impulsed to demonize. This that we as a collective have created and built into a system, which we can deconstruct and reconstruct to build a world that is best for all. 

Day 850 What concepts am I allowing to define me as time-lines in space?

I have this sense that things are not working and it is a fear, when why things are in separation from real potential are a math. What is a time line but a state of separation? 

It appears to me more and more, and this has happened before, that in moving from one point into another, in and as looking at what separates me from reality, as a programming from myself and generations of men, that the subtle poles of belief ride in on another level of understanding. It means that while I recognize more and more certain patterns of behavior and the extent of separation from being equal and one to life, the more I recognize the voices of dissent within me. I created this, I absorbed this, I became this, this determined my life.  It is resonant within me. Seeing this, I mean, really looking at energy verses being more creative as in being more gentle, more calm, more present has a quality of recognizing patterns! Being lost in an energetic past-experienced-based-on-fear-generating-a belief - and with the resonant thoughts as the ideas behind that FOCUS - has a quality to it, a pressure, an inflammation like “ thing” in the body. In “ fine-tuning “ what is here, as a personality consciousness sinking into a quantum mind consciousness resonant within, that self allowed and self generated limited and stagnating thin-king distorts reality and shuts down opportunity to make the choice to really live. What I have allowed myself to BELIEVE remains with me, despite seeing with greater clarity the superstitious nature of a resonant shadow of belief. I mean, if one believes in the shadow, can one convince that person that that is a lie? One has to take that apart. Even dogs and horses need sometime to process new information. It is why our schools are timed and sequenced in such away that a child has little to no time to actually process what has been expressed in that isolated environment.  If we practice confusion we master that, just as musician will master an instrument if a movement is practiced again and again! Remember it works both ways. Just stop for a moment - are you still here? Why has a master of a skill set shared with me that one does not need to practice that much if one focuses correctly? LOOK at how fast one learns to ride a bike! Why is biology appearing to be so difficult to understand? Why is it so spread out and something we learn in high school?  We study, through exposure, romantic fairy tales about one kind of relationship before we are allowed to LOOK at this physical life!  It is one big time warp!  Why is so much dedicated to suppressing the human?  We must be magnificent creatures if so much is dedicated to  suppressing us! Yet, we allow it! 

Thus I slow down and describe the difference. This uncovers more perspective. The moment I move into energy I am no longer problem solving, I am no longer looking at practical application. I am no longer processing the math of personification and the extremely stagnant movement of that accepted and allowed state-of-being. One can hear it in how people speak. They repeat things, more general statements about things. The compounded personification of limited values that by nature of being limited are of polarized value judgements,  this compounded, as practiced movements within: they are weighted. That weight can be sensed. The innocence of a child does not YET have likes and dislikes - they simply explore everything!  Try speeding up Youtube videos, acclimate to that, and listen to the difference! One might then DISCOVER the extent to which we humans are conceptually moving like slugs, and the amount of “ filler” words and ideas we move as that take up our FOCUS and distract us from the real “ measure” the real “ accounting we are living and expressing as polarized value judgements in which we are constantly locked into a very narrow focus!  Would that not make learning something new appear to be more difficult? It is like one is moving against a counter ( counting/account ) force! And that force is a projection, an illusion, a superstition made larger than life! Astounding.  It is visible even though it has become normalized ! 

These resonant time-lines of stagnant beliefs are weakening the physical fabric of existence. It is visible. It is visible in how one “ feels” that doing something is too hard, when the doing of something is a series of practical steps!  You are stagnant in a moving train, and someone is yelling at you from those indistinguishable trees out on the landscape and that voice of  life is so far away in one’s resonant storm it cannot be heard.  It is more stable than that train.  When someone says, “I am doing my best” I immediately think of an administrative mind set - too afraid to upset the existing status quo. And this, because even the slightest awareness of the difference, will make a HUGE difference. Why do administrators tend to self aggrandize ? They believe that doing the paper work is more important when they are maintaining the more non-creative actual work!  The term “ doing my best” is in itself already a distraction from FOCUS. I see the difference as standing in the storm without reaction, and seeing the cracks, the realness in the periphery, and manipulating the space in such a way that that suppressed, as glazed over awareness, as a moment to stand equal to and with in an intention of that, with a focus on that, which is great potential, to make wider that “ crack” to allow a person to discover that “ space.” It does have an effect. The person, to some degree then stands like a deer in headlights, processing the difference, for a moment.  I suppose it has to be done in such a way that what was seen cannot be unseen! 

Would being in that space for a moment, begin to end the petty end-game of comparison and stop the focus on a perception of a threat of what are basically micro-aggressions in relation to the potential that exists in the way we so rapidly learn to ride a bike? When we learn that way, we tend to never forget. 

Day 849 Seeing through the emotional projections

I am overusing the imagination! I find myself caught in inner dialogues .. lol die-logues. Like my “ god” of duality being logged or scripted within me, to then define me and resonate outwards where I will constantly validate that construction and lose a focus on reality. I move into a resonant vortex and then call myself a creator, only to realize it is a false god. Can one see where if a group did this some might faint as they move from their daily lives into that group generating one singular construction of belief? 

I interacted with a person close to me and suddenly found myself absorbing their focus. It is like a thing, a real thing in the space, a movement, a mirage.  I caught myself. It is a process towards limiting overthinking within myself. I also see that in some respects I may have suppressed some things. No matter, it is all a part of the process for me.

I remember I was in a classroom and had taught a lesson, had interacted in practice with the students and was at the point where I had the students practice on their own. As I walked around the room, one student looked up into space and “stared” what appeared to be a hole in the space. That is when I saw it, a huge screen in front of his eyes. He was an interesting student because he could do the math given by the system without any  previous instruction. He had the program for this within him. Later I found out he was adopted, because I remember thinking after meeting his parents that something did not make sense. How did I have that thought of something not making sense in relation to this student? What was I reading that I was not aware of in detail in terms of processing what happened, and yet had the reaction when meeting his parents that they did not have that within them that that student had within him? And again the question as to why I do not have this ability under my own awareness to the extent I could stand within that in any moment? I suppose my own ability was a program in itself with movements of visibility to cause more confusion within me. That which is real must be used even in fragmentation. 

I have realized that in those moments when such things happen I am usually calm and quiet within myself. This is what happened yesterday. It was such a sudden moment, and yet I slightly remember that movement of slowing down to listen. I am very close to this person, on a deep level I find it hard to become angry with them in any way. It is like we both know on a fundamental level that such is not real and not a place to go or to hold onto. I am, once again, left with a deep sense of shame. And a sadness in some respects.

And yet, the main thing I wanted to speak about was that I could see the resistances and reactions appearing, even in a much smaller movement. That protection and defense shield. It is almost as though there was a pulling back away from having listened. Which is interesting because I was in Singapore one time. I had been told many many times that it was very dangerous to take two blond headed children to that country. The whole time I was there is was so tense about my children. I kept a rigid eye on them all the time. It was a relief to return to the shop house and have quiet. One day I had left the house and gone to an area where there were banks, to deposit money. That day, for the rest of the day, in the periphery of my thin-king I felt that I had something hanging on me. I could not shake it. At the end of that day, that part of me that gets so sick of things stood on a side walk, as I neared the place I lived, and I stopped and said “no more!”. It was like I followed that string of uneasiness within me. I met a wall and heard a surprise on the other end of it. Suddenly, that presence , that “ person” that had followed us most of the day was gone. The whole sense of heaviness was gone. In one moment. I suppose such instances accumulated throughout my life leading to a moment where I asked the internet for some answers because I was really really sick of what is going on. 

Yet, it is interesting, because in that moment with the person in Singapore, it was like sensing that person was suddenly blocked off. And that is what is interesting about yesterday, because that fine line where I found myself standing with that person, there was a subtle shift. I sensed that this person could no longer look me in the eye, their head turned and looked elsewhere. I don’t really have anyone to  help me with this so I have to figure it out for myself. 

Anyway, I became aware of my own resistances which is most likely why I noticed the difference between the two expressions. It requires an increase in processing movements in living time. And it requires slowing down and quieting the mind. I also have this sense that I entered into some private space. Do we have shields that come up when we notice movements in the periphery of our presence? And, is this more an opening of the heart? What I find is that it is so important to work on one’s words, to improve one’s ability to process the language, because it allows one to focus on more than what is happening within one. One develops a sense of ease in processing the words, and by extension, can process more than what one is accepting and allowing within one’s self. It is just like a computer. One’s desk top cannot be cluttered with reactions as beliefs, opinions and ideas, as desires, wants and needs, one must see that and sense the greater space around one. It is simple, yet the chaos of the present system is meant to suppress this natural ability. We will not really be happy until we resolve this. And it is very practical, that is the great irony. And it reveals the absurdity of being a fractionalized resonant shadow of beliefs that have that quality of energy, meaning they rise and fall in relatively limited order because what is not real cannot stand with any constancy. And yet we are so used to standing in that, that anything else appears to be a no-thing because it lacks the addictive excitement of the spinning picture show within.

Day 848 Steering through a spell of emotions.

At the moment, within and as realizing what a “ living word” means and does, it is more to realize what words I am actually living. Am I living an idea, a projection, a shadow of an idea or am I living a focus that is steady and clear, as in being in consideration of all that is here? If I notice an avoidance towards something, then I must be living something ( and this is not in relation to something like avoiding a physical flame because I know that would burn my hand!).  Do I have the courage to process what I am being defined as within myself and at the same time, stand stable within and as what acts of resistance I experience within myself in real physical space? An act of resistance is in itself an admission of seeing. Such a lot of effort to ignore the present. That makes no sense. 

There comes a point where one must move, and perhaps it means moving without moving. It means to remain grounded no matter what and then to move as that state of being grounded. It is to say it requires no doubt and the realization that not every interaction with another will be as of yet as good as it could be - yet the only way to realize, to manifest something in real time that is of a living movement, requires one to actually do it. This is where one lives a thing, without thin-king. That realization that what is of life can not be destroyed in many ways, because the potential of life is a constant ,meaning in a way, real form and function that is of giving, as in finding stability in purpose, is what would be a living experience. I mean what is an “ a” and what is a “ b” ? What are these things that most probably, like pressure on a string agitated by the hair of a bow, can cause a different reaction in a crowd of people in a room. I mean I have played with this. I just slightly change the intensity of the generated sound to test the response of the crowd. At the end of the day, what generated more attention was the extent to which I attended to what I was doing in its totality. As though that physical state of being focused - which in itself generated a kind of ease and stability - was what drew in attention more than attempting to manipulate the reactions of a group. Yet, attention onto the group and their reactions was perhaps, at the same time, a part of the process of being focused on the instrument as the physical reality is as the in-form-ation of life as the physical. 

I sense a pressure coming from my back area. That is ego, that is energy, it appears like a pushing down, that action learned when? It sweeps into my chest area, it is a movement. It is a personality. A personification. Or, a practice experienced in the past, seemingly invisible and anonymous. A-non-I moss/must/muse? Okay, where did I start? I started with the living word, what it means to live that. And avoidance. That pushing down movement that is like a sweeping in of something, and within that a repose of S-weeping - ness. 

How many “ DON”T DO THAT!” experiences did I have as a child, a baby, a toddler ? I could say that movement has a pulse like quality to it. lol, Then  I ask myself if I am beginning to create another “ thing” as this within me. 

Twice I remember greeting a couple of politicians. Senators in their space after giving some talk. Once was at a local meet and chat situation. They always appear to have men in suits standing around them. One can walk through that as those suited men assess one- checking for resonances or most probably physical “ tensions” in their role as protectors of the politician. In a way one can see them moving through their inner filing systems. It is not really any different than performing on a stage. I wish I understood this as a child - yet I did do some things that were an understanding of this, and most often I did not think too much about them. We all have these moments, it is more normal - the state of being in an emotional inner storm is the state of being abnormal. If we understand that difference, we would change this world system in short order. It is but a breath away. This and that we as humans do want to get along and participate in creation. That is our real essence. 

I can see where the creation of role play as a politician or administrator in a system where that role remains in a set group of people, in a box, is that rat cage scenario. Such a form can cause separation from reality. And the inner “ rats” in that cage forget about reality and become polarized in their desires within the immediate environment as the other humans in the environs. The very design causes the problem. Lao Tzu understood that the moment one has a government one is already lost. It is necessary for politicians and administrators to change, or rather to go back into the living existence outside of a petrie-dish because their groupie-group gets isolated and loses sight of the greater whole. The fact that we pay taxes and allow such a form to make decisions with that digitized value of labor and resource use, is astounding in itself. As I understand Ronald Reagan to have said, that there is a cap on what a government can “ take” being at 15%. If we look at all the things we pay for, it is well beyond that- hidden in numerous fees. Then when the digits are not enough, more is printed and the overall value goes down with those with their hands in the printing, purchasing up resources with those additional digits as the ones who do the actual creating of things losing out. We must begin to realize that nothing can actually be owned, we are stewards of what is here. How has a veil of misinformation become so rampant in our reality today that we argue for useless masks and ignore the greater numbers of humans and plants and animals that are starving, or even that Americans are starving in an illusion of food abundance?  I think these “ lockdowns” are that Rumplestiltzkin is being called out by name! The addicted-to-power/control are in great fear of losing their larping! ( larping means LIVE ACTIVE ROLE PLAY)  It appears that Biden’s larping is consuming his body to the extent he no longer has enough substance to maintain the personification! He is going into dysfunction mode.  From my local experience, the 80 something people I know recognize the decline because they have experienced it in their age group.  It also begs the question as to how many of our words are formed. How many of our words are acronyms of behavior where we cannot remember the origin of the word? Overall, are words the system of the mind? Simply an expeditious way of conveying information, where that conveyance has also caused separation because it allows for manipulation in itself? And yet words are structures in themselves? 

I realize that we build awarenesses of things. Our presence into a structure must be clear, as we build that pathway of connection because we sense the space. Words can help us structure such to convey that awareness, especially if that is clear within us, because that state of avoidance means we see. We must master words because of where we are at. If one’s inner awareness avenues are clear, we can share them with ease and patience. I find we have more patience when we are more clear in our awareness. We increase in our processing ability, to the extent we can exponentially cross reference our awareness and absorb the new. We can also fall into a trap of automation. In a way, it is to remain present, as in cross referencing our awareness with the known in every moment. That is what one does within a discipline - more visible when the trap of automation begins to happen - and yet, perhaps this happens often in our works today because there are boundaries in relation to opportunities. One must never allow one’s self to become bored. It seems like a conundrum but actually it is not. It is perfect in its function. 

Why am I looking at this? Because the contrast helps me realize the difference between using a constant and consistent cross reference without protection and instead more problem solving directives, or realizing balance, or sensing what would align in more solid and stable directional movement. Another way is to say to myself that I am allowed to be this and do this. No one will give this to me but myself. I remind myself of steering a rather large sailing vessel. This requires a constant attention to all the physical factors on the water. It takes a consistent attention - as I said. It appears difficult only because our present system is one that constantly scatters our focus, and yet we allow it - and, a lack of being focused on the physical is somewhat disconcerting at first because I think it must be like being placed in solitary confinement as what one has been, as allowed, becomes more obvious. 

It is like a person who encounters a spider and freaks out. If they were to attempt to focus on the spider and remain calm, the difference of their resonant beliefs would be realized and countering that would take will power. A will power that is so entrenched in the practice of a reaction that countering that resonance would appear to be overwhelming. Yet, one cannot really say a person has no will power, because it took a will to become that reactive fear full of projections - mostly of doom and gloom, as ideologies divorced from reality. It is one thing to say this, another to apply it. One must first realize what motivates one’s body.  Remember a baby must learn to direct its body. It has gotten to the point where I can actually say this to people despite reactions. I would have been terrified to speak up against one’s inner programmed directives because that is considered a “hurt” to be in disagreement. When in reality it is the opposite. Interesting enough, it is a disagreement of agreement, where no force is necessary, meaning no self-protection, or no self validation, or no agitation. It has a quality of great patience. 

This is that point again, as a pattern in writing these things out where shame comes up. It is a deep shame. As though a part of self was lost. It realizes so many losses, and yet behind that loss is also a tiny flicker of joy.  It is uncovering a cyclical nature of self practiced and mastered avoidance tactics. And yes, this is how we work. We cannot blame anyone for our own experiences. We must be the fool, and stand up once again no matter what has happened to us.  What I find most interesting within the African American community is the at an essential level, the human being that is the life within knows this too. Because of that, we know that the race game is one of distraction. 

Day 845 Beginning to see my own scattered intent?

There is this tension or pressure or tightness in my chest. I notice it happens as the patterns I have walked move through their motions, which means there are issues that have not been addressed.

These past weeks I noticed my reaction to “ big brother” once again came up. I notice I catch myself in my mind in imaginations or worst case scenarios with some revenge dramas playing out. This is not new to me, before I found desteni I noticed such things in relation to another situation in my life. I took a stance that was of “ who needs this!?” in relation to the thoughts moving within me and as me. I decided to change them by focusing on another way of seeing things. I actually changed the imagery and had a reaction as a voice coming up from deep within me telling me to stop. I actually forgot about this. What is cool about this is that it is a recognition, a cognitive movement, an understanding on a deep level that our thoughts are things, and that we can change them. If I can get to this realization myself, anyone can. Within this, I realize I did not apply this same realization to everything that was coming up within me! Such is the limitation of selective reasoning and as a contrast the degree to which I/we compartmentalize things where  something is valid in one area but not in another. 

Yesterday, I received a notice. I had inadvertently gone through a red light while driving around in NY. I actually remember the incident - and this I attribute to slowing down and breathing and listening to myself. I remember having passed the ample and noticed that it was red after the fact. I did not know the area very well and recognized that I had missed seeing the relatively obvious ample ! Why I mention this is because I got the letter from my mail box and read the words on the envelope and went into an immediate panic. I slowed down and recognized this and understood to open the letter before making a judgement. It was about that red light - the one I remembered. It was not something to go into a reaction about.

I watched the movements within me, being somewhat conscious of them from having paid attention to my own state of being. I recognize that even at this moment, I want to hold onto a fear of “ big brother” as a belief in our government being extremely corrupt at the moment. I hear stories from others. Yet, one person I know, involved in a government action, has behaviors that are so emotional they tend to trigger more discord than problem solving.I attempt to change this. One thing I say to them is that administrative bureaucrats are people who simply want their paper work in proper order, and will work with others to ensure that task is done. 

If I apply this same perspective to other areas of my life, where could I go? The situation where I changed my thoughts, and this reaction to paper work, and my experiences reveal to me that things are not as dire as I assume. And, I realize that were more people to see beyond their own emotional firewalls, where would we be? We would be more practical and realize the practicality of this existence, this creation. Being here in the moment, realizing we are physical and that this reality is in a creative FORM that when properly respected, could become a world where we as humans step forth as creators instead of emotionally reactive entities living in a spaced out thin set of images in a superimposed or hyper projection of ideas, beliefs and opinions. “ Hyper” means below. We are not “ running” on ourselves as life and it is visible, we can hear/here it. 

I also can see where being projections tenses up the body, as though the body is a telescope. What we are telescoping must be visible. Children must see this before they become a telescope themselves, that state of being that shuts down their natural constructively critical and creative ability to realize solutions, or realize balance in all things. That state that is lost by the third grade, because their words have become aligned to value judgements instead of being related, or associated to the living reality, the practical reality, the reality that lives providing basic needs to regenerate the living fabric of this life that is physical. This reality that religions and projected ideologies ignore at the expense of this means that is life in expression. 

I realize that limitation is stretching out into time, into limited value judgements as a story, shielded by justifications, all causing a state of separation and stagnation in the life of the individual. Time is separation from the living expression of reality. It is most probably why Christ said we have to become the living word, as opposed to being a self defining value judgement word. One slows down processing ability, the other is of an innate ability to see reality head on! And, I can more understand the argument for realizing the basic needs of all things here. Were basic needs met the financial situation would not be of such great inequality. And, our supermarket shelves would not have over-processed-dead-never-decaying food products. We most likely would not have obesity, cancer or any other disease. If one has lived in a resonant bubble of misinformation that is limited and of polarized value judgements it is a stress on the body and the body gets locked into what it practices - which is the movement of creation,  regardless of one’s actions. Time is like strings wondering off into some alternate reality where we hover above this reality like a balloon on a string, this is the nature of projections. Can all the parts be brought back into common sense to birth life back through the physical? It must be. It is the only way.

I see it at the moment,  that this is a practical conceptual thing. Meaning, one practices listening and standing equal to things, to then with few words, communicate with effect. Somewhat like opening up that ability to read things that jump out at one in a moment, like when I went through that red light and knew I had done it and that it would have an effect. Like an instant recognition of more than what was the immediate focus - that part of me that missed the red light over on the side of this rather broad cross section of parallel and angular streets. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to, as my beingness, see, realize and understand that amazing capacity of myself as life to read what it here, and within that, though through my own time-lines of belief causing separation, to be absent in listening to my own common sense, as the very presence of me, here as the life that is who and what I am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to immediately go into doom and gloom, to envision a projected worst-case-scenario idea within and as me, before investigating the details.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to at the same time I realize my own inculcated ignorance, to also forgive myself for shutting down a natural ability to sense the many moving parts around me, and to within that, expand from and as that to realize in thought, word and deed what is best for all.

When and as I find myself reacting to words as things, on paper, or as beliefs within and as what is projected from within me, to breath, to slow down and to realize my own habituated time-lines of belief need not define who and what I am in a moment,  and at the same time, to embrace them, and enfold thumbtack into common sense within and as realizing that I am physical, I am here, I am life.

I commit myself to slowing down and breathing to remain more stable and quiet to see realize and understand my own orchestrations of beliefs, opinions and ideas, as reactions that are polarized into extremes appearing to be absolutes, to being them back to self and balance them into being practical and present within and as respecting who and what I am as life here, which is physical. 

I commit myself to accepting the gift go life that is me, as my beingness, and my presence, and within this to build an intent that can withstand the test of time, to live stability and share a focus into a consideration of all things here, to live in thought, word and deed that which respects and recognized the abundance of life that is here as the physical which is creation manifest. 

Day 844 Payperwork My allowance of distraction What is it showing

I realize that I have a fear of big brother. This comes up in moments when I am required as the system to fulfill paper work for the system. I have such an adverse relationship to getting paper work done, all those crossing of the letters and filling in the blanks.

It can give me a headache from overthinking about it. Usually, when I go and walk through the steps, it is never as bad as I anticipated. Within this, in relation to at times having made mistakes, usually there is some help to correct the mis-aligned information. The system workers usually wanting their own paper work to be complete and correct. So, why this resistance and anxiety in relation to paper work?

The other side of this is that I have recognized this, and walk completing it with specificity. I organize things in a way that I have the information at hand to quickly complete the task. It is leading up to this that the anxiety comes along, even despite my own organizing and completion.  I know to just do it, because if I don’t it is my own accumulating anxiety that will lead to more problems than not having completed the paper work! Though this is much smaller, I still get a headache in relation to doing such tasks and I still have some dread around this issue. 

IN effect, there remains issues within confrontation. Always, addressing limitation, or constructions of a narrow focus, the quality of which, for me, has this insistence to it, a constriction, a pressure. It is an anxiety of opening such things up. Or perhaps the opposite and realizing my own desires around this. And yet, what is real cannot be lost. Letting go is actually not that difficult when the outcome is realizing there is only one choice, and that is the choice to realize what will remain constant and withstand the test of time, so no baggage of covering a lie exists to be remembered to protect. That is not fun. Rather not go there. 

I also notice with all the hysteria on the news, I begin to feel overwhelmed, that sense of addressing an emotional fire-wall as being too difficult when often as I have experienced, and worked through, it means to repeat something, in same or different ways without any inner reaction, as though a FOCUS on a goal that is clear has an intent that can gather more attention even in the face of an emotional storm, but it does take patience and a steady pace. I have used this, yet am not yet consistent within this. There are probably moments in the “music” present, where key questions will move things closer to sensing a clearer intention/intension!  Someone can tell me about this, yet, like learning to ride a bike, it must be experienced. That takes doing, by the self, in real time. lol, in “ reel” time, meaning within the reeling emotions generating a movement in this present hyper tense reality while also realizing a constant within being equal to what is real and eternal on this earth. I liken this to realizing that a tree functions in so many giving and abundant ways, producing within pure giving and yet it pays no taxes, and requires no wage to be and do what it is in its form and function. The contrast may appear out of context but is it really ? No it is not. The gap between where we are as the present system and the pure giving function of a tree seems like too big of a jump. I have a sense that so many would react to such a concept, but in reality the difference is not so far fetched. 

The thing about being in an emotional fire wall of value judgements as reactions within poles of good and bad, is the un-complicatedness of realizing the simplicity of a tree because it would deny resonant beliefs that things need be complicated!  Once we know something, it is no longer complicated. As some doctors have said about how the body functions as “ it is not a rocket science, anyone can understand it,” so is it within and as most things. Once we understand them, we share because we realize it is understandable. It is a red flag when an administration or politician attempt to convince one that things are complicated -that simply means opening things up would expose self interest. This in itself reveals that hiding self interest exists in using chaos, hiding self interest exists behind a belief that things are complicated.  The complicated is being used as an end-game. The complicated has become god , as in the complicated has become normalized!  Repetition does not equal truth.  Recognize the red flags because they exist within patterns. Even a leaf on a tree has a pattern. Patterns exist in all structures, thus they are visible. Humans learn to walk all by themselves, thus we are amazing at understanding temporal/spatial geometry. 

It is one thing to  imagine a thing and another to stand with presence in the living movement and expression of what is real. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a sense of doom and gloom around doing the paper work of the present system.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be aggravated, to feel aggravated, to be an emotion of aggravation, and to hold onto that as a response of and as things should not be this way, of and as having a sense that the paper world is meant to consume the focus and presence and life of and as me, to distract from being aware of patterns in the greater whole, as the system, which in itself is a fear, a fear of believing that I cannot process the information and a “thing” that takes up my space where I would rather focus on other things, when in effect, and especially with some systemic computer software tools I can organize my expenses a little at a time, and remove the accumulation of doing paper work, as this is one of the advantages of modern technology, and thereby freeing myself to to focus on other things, or from another perspective be more aware of my own habits and attentions.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that when and as I react to having to do paper work, I am reacting in a way of self interest, because I am aggravated that I am distracted from focusing on what i want to focus on, which begs the question as to what I desire to focus on, which I am not sure of because I have allowed myself to focus on the lack, to focus on what I have judged as a force or thing hindering my focus, which in itself creates a resistance to something which in itself is a state of friction that is taking up my attention and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand, even though I have organized the steps to get this paper work done in a timely and orderly manner, there remains this value judgement behind this, within this, as being aggravated by having to do this busy work, all of which could be automated today, to free myself to, as the human up to be able to focus on other things, like planting a garden, for example, yet I understand that any movement of resistance or aggravation, is a distraction, and thus I am making a mountain out of a mole hill, causing inner friction and separation from remaining simple and present as being in that space where the practical gets done, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to, within and as realizing that reactions cause friction and by extension distraction even if slight and even if I appear to be organizing that which I deem to distract, in ways that gets things done with immediacy, there remains a focus on that righteous sense of injustice, most probably causing some occupation within and as being aggravated with the present system, and yet I in my aggravation and desire to not focus on something, which in itself is distraction, am within my own organization in distraction from being aware of subtle movements within and as how I focus as my human physical body, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as me, to the extent my intensions are clear, and easily to share, in all simplicity to the extent the focus of me as problem solving, is more constant and as such more readily conveyed because this is the extent of the ability of life within to recognize patterns, which create states of being, and as such can be transferred even within emotional storms, as this is the nature of life, and therefore, can be held and shared, of which to become and be in clarity, means to have the patience to live and express this, to the extent there exists no more states of being miserly, and for this I forgive myself.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself becoming a movement of and as aggravation, to stop and to breath and to slow myself down, and to recognize this as being in a way, a miser, as this is acting in self interest, which means a motivation of desire exists within and as being a state of an ideology, that is separation from remaining present within and as becoming steady within and as realizing there are no problems and only solutions, within and as understanding that becoming the living word means having a clear intention one that is able to be shared and as such will take standing with an emotional firewall to the extent that storm in a teacup expresses its limitations into a form of completion that could be called a burning out, where for a moment, perhaps through the gap something clearer will become an insight and yet this must exist within the environment  in a clear way in order to be recognized to allow a seed of another option to be sensed and thus realized on a journey to self expression as life here, to become as constant and giving as a tree here. 

Within this, I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize the beauty of this overall, and within this to not see realize and understand outside of allowing this distraction of aggravation to see realize and understand as my beingness, that within and as creating, or rather allowing the life that is here as me, to come forward as the expression or utilization of and as myself in focus that is usually of the simple, and that requires investigation, is more the will of life as me, and as such has a nature of lending patience, and realizing that nothing can define me but what I allow,  within and as realizing that the solution is simple and abel to be imparted because that is the nature of life.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that when and as I become aggravated, I stop and I breath, as my beingness, and I slow myself down, to ground me within and as respect of all things, to see realize and understand solutions that are visible within and as having an intention that as a state of focus as being, stand equal and one with and as a structural means to withstand the storms of friction and conflict as polarized beliefs as a loss of focus within and as who and what and where and how it is that we exist here on this physical earth of many trees, to in always, always live with an intent that shares what is best for all, as I am here. where there is only here.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding my capacity as life to realize the ordinary and to within that understand that nothing can define who and what I am and that the life that is me is a constant, and cannot be lost, thus within this, I am able to with great patience, stand and recognize emotional patterns and distractions of focus and to allow that expression as a process of self reflection and to and with that realize the simple that organizes and removes the complicated, to become more the living word within and as recognizing what is best for all in every movement to turn the tides and generate a momentum of expression that is aligned with and as what is best for all and as recognition of the simple as what is all around us as the physical reality that is life in expression here.

I commit myself to remaining here, and to move through the shame that comes up in moments in relation to all of this, to let go of and as value judgements of and as polarized beliefs to realize what is constant and as such can be stood with in a constancy that withstands the test of time, to become a steady pace of and as  the living word to the extent less is more, as my intentions are clear which transfers within and as being more present as being equal and one with the life that is what generates a tree that exists here and gives unconditionally in every moment here.