Day 232 Internal conversation/ Back Chat : Despair Character

Internal Conversations /Back Chat Dimension/ despair character
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the inner conversations in and as my mind, composed of beliefs, opinions and ideas, as what has been taught, passed down through the generations, as the past, conversations of more than and less than, polarities of thought, as energy in fear of loss, that intensify and create emotional/feeling bodies within and as my physical body, sucking the life from me, as I weigh and measure in search of a lesser evil instead of realizing that I am one and equal to all in existence and direct myself within what is best for all, and thereby align myself with life,to move one and equal with and as life, as the physical here is a means to cross reference what supports life, and thus inner conversations are a separation from awareness of the physical here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an inner conversation that what is to be seen is more than what is heard.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an inner conversation that if I question the conversation as what is seen within the adult world, I will be punished.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a belief as an inner conversation, as back chat, like a devil supporting the angel on my shoulder of what will protect me from being attacked by the secret separate world of the adult, as “I have to watch what I say” and/or “ Is there something I am supposed to be saying?” or “ Somehow I am not understanding what I am supposed to say, I must be dumb, or I must be lacking in something, or I just don’t get this” and then within this, “ what do I not get” or, and as well “ why do I have to be bothered with this” and /or “ how does one get through this mess” and or “ Don’t these people realize they are saying the same thing” and/ or “I don’t understand this!” and/or “ what does she want me to say?” and /or “If I am not to be heard, than how am I ever going to learn how to talk?” and / or “ what you are saying is that you want this conversation to end so you can go and “play” too!” and /or “ you just want to pity patter your tears” and / or “ I am not your wet rag” and / or a non-conversation as a sense of numbness/muteness/dumbness as a young child at the very idea of being seen and not heard is an idea never imagined and later made huge as an idea that such a thing/state/idea/thought could possibly exist, which would probably be the first reaction of a child, and as the idea spun around in and as my mind, creating emotional feeling bodies around an idea that something can be seen but not heard would be enough to create a fear and a separation from life, enough to create monsters lurking under beds. WTF
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that this numbness/muteness/dumbness would be a reaction as shock at such an idea, that something can be seen and unheard ( a division ), that along with all the other images fed via television, as a programmable human, the chasm as belief in not being heard is in itself a limitation as what i am as life, here, as it takes me into and as an idea of not being heard, instead of directing me here, as life, within and as life here, realizing the physical world as what is real and learning to converse equal and one to the physical, which is composed of the substance of life, equal and one to what i am.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the state of shock such words as “to be seen and not heard’ as an idea might have as an effect on a child, as it is a directive away from life into and as a state of shock creating a behavior of “ the deer in headlights” as suddenly becoming mute/numb/dumb in encountering an idea of separation into being seen but not heard.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding a reaction in and as my mind of stunned silence, as becoming numb/dumb/mute in the face of words of separation and division into a less than and more than scenario, where what is expected also carries a subtle suggestion as a threat should the words not be accepted as fact.

I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding when and as I become this stunned silence in and as my mind.

I commit myself to, when and as I become a stunned silence in and as my mind, where no words appear, that I am lost within fathoming with and as the mind, and thus in separation from being here, one and equal with and as the physical.

When and as I find myself within this state of stunned silence in and as my mind, I stop and I breath, and I bring myself here, in and as breath, in common sense.

When and as I find myself within a stunned silence I stop and I breath, and I practice bringing myself here in common sense, as this “stunned silence” is a total dismay which is like a state of vertigo, a falling, a separation, a des-pair, will take time to move from back into and as common sense , as this has gone on for so long that in essence it will taketime to birth myself into and as life in common sense, piecing myself back together again, as I am humpty dumpty who has fallen into many pieces, and all these pieces have to be put back together again, and then this will have to learn to birth and direct as life here, and yet, there is no other journey.

Day 230 Thought Dimension : Despair Character

“Here, as we have mentioned, the Thought will be the Point, the ONE point that would activate the (Postponement) Character. The Thought can be in the form of an image/picture and/or Memory/past experience that would relate to activating the Character.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an image of myself as a child who is seen and not heard.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a thought that I must stand and not be heard.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have even seen this in the schools, where at times, I felt the children just simply listened to the teachers, waiting for the preaching to end to continue their play and escape the preaching, where within this, it was a though the ansi-ness of the child was me, as the child held themselves within wanting to escape, yet having learned the fastest way out of the situation was to listen until it was over and then leave, after asking permission to leave when the preaching had stopped.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an image of myself being unable to be heard.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an image of myself as what i am as the child seen and not heard.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to direct myself based on an image from my past as a belief that a child is meant to be seen and not heard, which is to say that an adult is more than a child, that the words of an adult are more than a child, where it is not the word, but the object expressing the word, and thus a child as a human being has no past with which to become a word, which is to say that a child has no story to tell, where the story becomes more than the life of the child, the life of the child becoming a living word, where the word is respected, here, as a movement of self as life, here, as the real story is here, in and as the physical, as how the physical is the story of creation.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a thought of myself as only to be seen and not heard, an image of myself as being dumb, as I had not been on the earth long enough to have a story to tell, a story in separation from what is real, this physical world, a story of more than and less than values.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to make myself less than here, in and as an experience as the words “children are to be seen and not heard.”
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have become the experience of the adult being an author of a story of more than and less than,being heard ONLY and the child, as myself, being seen only.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be the experience of the word only, where as a child, I did not have a development of the word, and thus in the face of the word, I was dumb.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become dumbed down by the word, as the word had become a world in and as itself, in separation from here, a fantasy land of more than and less than, dumb to what was real, the physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become the experience of being mute.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in becoming dumb, within my experience of the word of my parents as “ a child is to be seen and not heard” I became mute, and thus in not utilizing my human physical body I rendered myself dumb, mute and blind to this actual physical world, which would send me into a state of despair, as I would lose all sense of communication with and as what was real, the actual physical world, as the substance that supports life, as it is a composition of the very substance of life, one and equal as all that exists.

I commit myself to breathing, to see, realize and understand that when I allow myself to become dumb, as in the words “ a child is meant to be seen and not heard” I accept and allow a movement of myself as dumb, mute, and blind to this actual physical world, and thus lose all footing of common sense, as equal and one awareness of what is real, and become trapped and thus experience despair, having only the word of the story of a parent who themselves are dumb, mute and blind to the physical world and perpetuallyseeking within words only, through a self constructed religion of more than and less than, as beliefs, ideas, and opinions, in self validation as the word only, and there by needing to constantly suggest self definition to maintain a separation from what is real, the actual physical world.

I commit myself to stopping and breathing, when and as I separate from myself here, into and as a belief, as an experience of despair, where I become less than this actual physical world, into and as words being seen as a story of self validation, where the physical is not seen and the word is all that is heard, as this being in and of itself a separation from life, where i ignore the effects of the use of the the spoken word as creating a fantasy world of self validation in separation of what is real, the actual physical substance as life, one and equal as what I am, here, these words as projections of more than and less than values, no longer equal and one in respect of life, where life is the physical.
I commit myself to breath, to bring myself equal and one in and as the physical, when and as I face the words of another as something “to be seen only rendering the physical unheard as the substance of myself as life, here.
I commit myself to breath, to see, realize and understand myself within a starting point of equality to what is here physically. to see, realize and understand within and as hereing/hearing what is real, as the word of myself cross referencing equal and one with and as the physical world

A parent believing self interest is justifiable in separation from life, as the physical, as what is real, the value being life.

Prevent behaviors of self interest in separation from the value being life, support an Equal Money System, to become the living word.