Day 422 In Despair I am Unequal to Creation

I can see where wanting something is myself unequal to here. And basing what I am wanting on the past, as what I have learned will enable me to remain within a leveled existence, held in place according to opportunity which is either given or withheld through economics, through money. The economy being unequal to the ecology of the planet.

So, here I am, in thought, with accumulated emotions and feelings supporting this desire, keeping this in place. I fear to let this go because I believe that without this I will lose something. But it is being this that is the loss. It does not allow me to see what is here, myself in what is eternal, which is creation, here. I am the mirage of a pyramid scheme, ideas that define me as I serve survival, which is fearing death, which is a fear of change, which is a separation from creation, which is life, the physical.

I spend so much time trying to structure here that I end up not listening to here, equalizing myself to here. It is a kind of fear of loss through control based on idea. And then when the idea does not match reality, I react, instead of changing with what is here. If I allowed creation to move as me, then I would not be in conflict with the physical, with life, as allowing myself to move with here, as creation , would mean that instead of resisting I would equalize myself to creation and move with and as it, as this is the same as me, the same substance.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to resist here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have ideas about how here should be, not seeing realizing and understanding that I create wants that I then use to validate myself within an idea of what survival is, instead of equalizing myself to the physical world that is creation, as all that exists must be creation, thus a real  heaven is being equal to creation, where there would be no division as this would be a punishment, and creation would share and communicate in totality because this would be the fun, the joy, I mean that is just common sense.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that the only way to structurally manifest something is to build it, to become it, which means being here in awareness of physical reality, instead of as an idea about what is here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear stepping out of my mind and letting go of ideas of survival that have no direct focus to actual reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear losing control of here, not seeing realizing and understanding that fear of losing control means that I am in separation from here, as I can only move as the physical substance of life here.

Within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to worry about the state of being in my children as I see them beginning to become adults themselves worried about their survival having been taught values that are serving a system that is in itself a separation from understanding that the physical world is the substance of life in creation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel responsible for the state of being for my children,  where all I can do is walk in common sense of physical reality and systemic manifested separation from physical reality, to remain constant and absolutely directive within a principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see that this worry is an act of desperation as myself wanting to “ fix” what is here, control what is here, instead of standing as a constant directive of what is best for all here, as this is being a model in respect of physical reality as being practical and equal to myself, as this is creation, thus it is to stand equal to my mind as limited values and to bring this back into practical common sense of physical reality.

When and as I have a thought that I have failed, I stop and I breath and I see, realize and understand that this is a past of inequality within,  direction within limited values as what I accepted and allowed to be more than physical reality, and I stop and I breath, and I bring myself here, to direct myself within the principle of what is best for all, of what practically makes sense here.

When and as I have a thought that physical change is moving too slowly, I stop and I breath and i see, realize and understand that I am rushing within reality and thus allowing myself to be an idea as a want,  instead of  sensing being here.

When and as I feel responsible for here, I stop and I breath,  and I see, realize and understand that I am creating a point of belief that interacting here is tedious and difficult  as I focus on being a point of responsibility for another which I cannot be, as all i can be is here directing within and as what is best for all, directly here with physicality as this is creation manifest.

When and as I find myself feeling responsible for my children, for here, i stop and I breath and I  slow myself down to see realize and understand that the only responsibility is  to what is best for all as practical physical reality, here.

When and as I find myself beginning to despair, I stop and I breath, and I see, realize and understand what has been accepted and allowed as a separation from physical reality as  limited values made bigger than life, within and as myself, and thus taught to my children, a system that has been going on for generations causing a lack of equality and thus awareness with physical existence as an inner existence has become bigger than the outer physical world, this gift of life, which I accepted and allowed not seeing realizing and understanding that despite consequences that have manifested because of this inequality, this separation, all that i can do is remain here, in common sense, as despair will not be the act of equality and oneness with and as life, here.

When and as I find myself in despair, believing that admitting to my separation has some meaning within being forgiving, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I direct myself here, equalizing myself to practical physical reality,as this is the only choice to change that inequality leading to despair, that point of inequality to the gift of life that is the physical.

When and as I find myself rushing, I see realize and understand that I am acting in desperation, and am as this, in separation from life, from being equal and one to physical reality, to common sense, as I focus on an idea of a less than instead of directing here within and as what is best for all, as what allows one to give as one would like to receive, here.

Self forgiveness, writing, corrective application.  Equalizing the within with the without/creation/life

Day 234 Consequence Dimension : Despair Character

Consequence Dimension : Despair Character
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move into and as seeing only the morality placed before me, without any reference to the actual physical world, where I become caught up in a right and a wrong within the confines of the dictates of family, not seeing realizing and understanding the totality of existence as the physical, life, being the value, where not only as a child, did i not reference life, as the physical, as that which is equal in all existent, I allowed and accepted a singular reference point and thus became caught in the friction and conflict within and as the polarities presented, there by essentially not being able to bridge the gap, as the division, as judgement of more than and less than, this act in and as itself as separation from what is constant and real, the substance of life existent as this earth, given freely.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the impetus to exist what to move myself within what was given as how this world exists, is not a right or a wrong, but an indication that myself as life is able to move and be responsive in and as life, thus, I am able to change myself here, to move in consideration of all life in this planet, as what is best for all, and within this, the best cure is prevention of accepting polarities of more than and less than in separation from what is best for all, where considering an idea, such as children are to be seen and not heard, is an idea accepting the structure of a hierarchy, ignorant of what is same as a primary point of movement, equality and oneness as life as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize the simplicity of breathing and bringing myself back to the physical in common sense of what is actually physically here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as i go into despair, I am actually looking for answers within reasoning asmind separate from the starting point of realizing the actual physical world, where ideas and opinions presented are limited consequences in separation from the starting point of the actual physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not stand up for total consequence, bringing myself back to the actual physical world and directing myself one and equal in and as breath, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I cannot know something, at least as far as how this present system functions, and to look and realize that how it is functioning is unacceptable, and that the words, “That is the way it is”, are a fear of self responsibility until the devastation such ignorance allows forces the human to stand and realize the consequence of the be-hav-ior of ignorance.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that despair is really believing oneself, as myself, to be stuck in a trap, seeing no way out, which means I have accepted and allowed an ignorance of this actual physical world and the substance of life as being what is same in all, as being the value.

When and as I feel myself becoming a character of despair, I stop and I breath, listening to the “stream” of my own constriction, until I hear/here what separations I am accepting and allowing as fear, as despair, as anxiety, as anger, as judgement, and I stop, I address what is physically here and direct myself within a solution within what is best for all, which is what is best for myself as life.

I commit myself to realizing that going into despair is not a prevention, that the only prevention is the cure as myself as life, being self responsible within what is best for all with and as the physical, as it is the physical which is real and not ideas of more than and less than, as being seen and unheard, or that one race is more than another, or that an animalis less than life- manifest as the abuse given to animals, or that a vaccine is a cure - which it is not as it does not address the development of the virus and only seeks to supposedly remove the existence of it as a secondary step - ignoring the total consequence as to why such a virus manifests, or the consequence of poverty and starvation being that what is actually physically here has become second to money, money that in and as itself is dependent on trees ( or other plants) to exist, thus what is real is the actual physical, as the accepted divisions of men into more than and less than, allowing money -dependent on the physical- to assume superiority over life, thereby ignoring life and thus abusing life within allowing life to be seen yet unheard, the consequences of which, in not being here, are actually seen all over this earth, within disease - as a virus, within child sex trafficking, within the deaths of trees that have been around for generations, within the development of man into a machine pushing papers, within the slavery in China so some child who has no knowledge of itself as life can speak on some cell phone or play with a piece of plastic, none of which could be considered life but actually life in decay, in separation, in limitation, in fragments, instead of expression within the full potential of what children are in fact capable of, I mean they learn to walk and speak, what would they beyond this within support and development, and as a collective of men what would this create on earth were this given to all men, all children?

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that the choice, as the only choice, is to realize that separation from the physical world, is fear, is friction and conflict, creating wants , needs and desires, is actually what has manifested on earth, a society of wants , needs and desires, to placate a starting point of separation from what is real, the actual physical world, as this world is then being used to placate fear, as want, need and desire, instead of actually each and every one who is able to stand up and use common sense, within investigation of how this system actually is functioning as a separation from life.

I commit myself to seeing , realizing and understanding that my own fears, are based on a fear of loss, with myself having separated from myself as life, and thus has earth been created as the consequential outflow of a development of a mind consciousness system to place man into a system where values of more than and less are lived as this is what man has created, the consequence of inequality being abuse and destruction as what is presently happening on this earth, where this can end, within mankind standing up and realizing equality and oneness as life, here, to within this support all life, as the value being life.

Related articles

• Day 230 Thought Dimension : Despair Character
• Day 231 Imagination Dimension : Despair Character
• Day 232 Internal conversation/ Back Chat : Despair Character

Day 232 Internal conversation/ Back Chat : Despair Character

Internal Conversations /Back Chat Dimension/ despair character
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the inner conversations in and as my mind, composed of beliefs, opinions and ideas, as what has been taught, passed down through the generations, as the past, conversations of more than and less than, polarities of thought, as energy in fear of loss, that intensify and create emotional/feeling bodies within and as my physical body, sucking the life from me, as I weigh and measure in search of a lesser evil instead of realizing that I am one and equal to all in existence and direct myself within what is best for all, and thereby align myself with life,to move one and equal with and as life, as the physical here is a means to cross reference what supports life, and thus inner conversations are a separation from awareness of the physical here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an inner conversation that what is to be seen is more than what is heard.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an inner conversation that if I question the conversation as what is seen within the adult world, I will be punished.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a belief as an inner conversation, as back chat, like a devil supporting the angel on my shoulder of what will protect me from being attacked by the secret separate world of the adult, as “I have to watch what I say” and/or “ Is there something I am supposed to be saying?” or “ Somehow I am not understanding what I am supposed to say, I must be dumb, or I must be lacking in something, or I just don’t get this” and then within this, “ what do I not get” or, and as well “ why do I have to be bothered with this” and /or “ how does one get through this mess” and or “ Don’t these people realize they are saying the same thing” and/ or “I don’t understand this!” and/or “ what does she want me to say?” and /or “If I am not to be heard, than how am I ever going to learn how to talk?” and / or “ what you are saying is that you want this conversation to end so you can go and “play” too!” and /or “ you just want to pity patter your tears” and / or “ I am not your wet rag” and / or a non-conversation as a sense of numbness/muteness/dumbness as a young child at the very idea of being seen and not heard is an idea never imagined and later made huge as an idea that such a thing/state/idea/thought could possibly exist, which would probably be the first reaction of a child, and as the idea spun around in and as my mind, creating emotional feeling bodies around an idea that something can be seen but not heard would be enough to create a fear and a separation from life, enough to create monsters lurking under beds. WTF
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that this numbness/muteness/dumbness would be a reaction as shock at such an idea, that something can be seen and unheard ( a division ), that along with all the other images fed via television, as a programmable human, the chasm as belief in not being heard is in itself a limitation as what i am as life, here, as it takes me into and as an idea of not being heard, instead of directing me here, as life, within and as life here, realizing the physical world as what is real and learning to converse equal and one to the physical, which is composed of the substance of life, equal and one to what i am.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the state of shock such words as “to be seen and not heard’ as an idea might have as an effect on a child, as it is a directive away from life into and as a state of shock creating a behavior of “ the deer in headlights” as suddenly becoming mute/numb/dumb in encountering an idea of separation into being seen but not heard.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding a reaction in and as my mind of stunned silence, as becoming numb/dumb/mute in the face of words of separation and division into a less than and more than scenario, where what is expected also carries a subtle suggestion as a threat should the words not be accepted as fact.

I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding when and as I become this stunned silence in and as my mind.

I commit myself to, when and as I become a stunned silence in and as my mind, where no words appear, that I am lost within fathoming with and as the mind, and thus in separation from being here, one and equal with and as the physical.

When and as I find myself within this state of stunned silence in and as my mind, I stop and I breath, and I bring myself here, in and as breath, in common sense.

When and as I find myself within a stunned silence I stop and I breath, and I practice bringing myself here in common sense, as this “stunned silence” is a total dismay which is like a state of vertigo, a falling, a separation, a des-pair, will take time to move from back into and as common sense , as this has gone on for so long that in essence it will taketime to birth myself into and as life in common sense, piecing myself back together again, as I am humpty dumpty who has fallen into many pieces, and all these pieces have to be put back together again, and then this will have to learn to birth and direct as life here, and yet, there is no other journey.