Day 294 Disgust Character : Fear Dimension The Trap

I spent the day doing my taxes yesterday. I thought it would not take me very long as I have done them so many times and the process of doing them is not so overwhelming. Yet, it took more time than I thought, as numbers on papers did not match my own records, and changes in my situation turned out to be just more of the same of this present system. A system driven by debt, where the creation of debt allows banks to print more money, in their favor, thus any situation that does not create the need for debt cannot be allowed, as this is not favorable to a creation of money. SO, in order for the amount of money to grow debt has to grow, and since there is more debt than money in this system, since the debt cannot be paid back in full because it is not real, this interest - which is self interest for a few/banks ( privately owned) accumulating and then the object of this unable-to-be-paid-back-interest, as real estate or labor value creation, becomes the property of the bank. And all of this is based on imaginary-nonexistent money.
Are the same tools of this trade applied within religious doctrines? That there is some promise of more if we just believe? If we just take the imaginations of that loan improving our lives and or that promise of heaven improving our lives if we keep the faith? This faith being the interest for a few? And all of it imagined and the creation of something that does not in fact exist? Where, all it takes is standing up and removing this mirage? And it is a mirage, one each of us carries around right in front of our eyes, spiraling away, spinning in and out, prevalent in our words, the survival behaviors of self interest. As within, so without, as above, so below.
Consciousness creating bubbles of self interest, a spirit of ignorance of the physical world, manifest in thought, word and deed. This deed held in place by a piece of paper plastered in illusive words, the voice of compounded interest, our burdens we carry that are self accepted and allowed illusions. The gift of life, as the physical, being destroyed through imaging a superficial world of no substantive life direction some call devolution, distopia, some call pollution, starvation, rape, child abuse, animal abuse, soil devastation: this list can go on and on. It is moving in tandem with the growth of the electric light shining on the planet earth. I mean what is feeding all those lights visible from space? And what are those lights down there on earth “enlightening”? War and crime, murder and abuse, to all that is on earth. This system is not working as life, it is working as destruction, blind inconsiderate destruction. And the prevention of this is to simply realize life is the value, and to give that which is good to all to live in dignity, self directed as life as the very substance of what each of us is. Thus this is here, and so there is no excuse for this to not be what exists.
Anyway, my taxes. I wrote last night, very late, and realized I had become emotional; worry and fear. So I stopped, walked around, spoke forgiveness, breathed, calmed myself down through slowing down. The words going through me were, “ I am trapped.”
And in my “trappings” the tendency is to go into blame, finger pointing, spite, fear, seeing no way out. And I noticed that this is my self in self disgust. I am doing the same thing I was doing within this memory of seeing two feet rubbing together. I am wanting to project disgust onto the world, onto this physical reality. This is not the being of myself in common sense. And this is not grounding myself with my feet on the ground. This is myself becoming a behavior, in self interest, of a story of fear, wanting a change, in not wanting to participate within this illusion, just wanting it to go away, where with my feet on the ground, I must walk out of this illusion, through realizing it is an illusion, and how I have been taught to become this separation into and as fear, as judgement, as NON looking, to “get along” with an illusion as "there appears to be no other way." THe initiation into this, happening in childhood, as a child, so small, with no place to go, thus the creation of a belief that this is a trap. But, it is a trap of no substance, no validation of the actual physical world. Thus, having accepted and allowed this, when I see the physical world being in common sense of itself, I react in disgust, thinking it dirty, because I long for this self as life, and yet to do so would mean no longer accepting and allowing words, as expressions, as emotions and feelings and thoughts, as words and deeds and thought that have no awareness of life, that have no equal and one consideration of how here moves as life, how here functions as life, how here becomes a natural expression at ease. And it would mean facing the same behaviors of projection that are separations from life being disgusted with self as life, for how dirty self has become as distance from common sense. And bringing self back to life, means forgiving self to become in touch with and as the physical world. The only choice. There is no other way.
So, I turn my own self disgust into the sign of my separation from life, where i fear standing up and walking in common sense of here. I take the compounds of my thoughts, as denial into systemic categorizing into limited values/parts made huge and thus valued as more than, in the order of survival within inequality. As I have allowed a consciousness, systemic structure of limitation, to define myself here. I have allowed self interest in separation from life, from myself as life, here.

Self forgiveness on the fear of being trapped, in separation from common sense as life, looking at how here “moves” as “fantastic projections” onto and as a self correction to and as life, utilizing breath, self forgiveness within slowing myself down, accepting my separations and being “ the bringing back of them to myself in common sense of what is here, as it is here than I walk the physical ground of what is real as earth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am trapped.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see only this illusion, as a belief that i am trapped.
i forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see my two feet on the ground, as I accept and allow a projection of separation into and as a character of disgust with what is here as the physical simply being in contact with itself as life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being in contact with this physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to connect fear to this physical world, specifically in this instance to project disgust onto two feet rubbing against one another, where this separation as judgement remains with me in and as my mind, as this is myself not being here, equal and one to here, as this actual physical world, where I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define fear as a behavior of disgust for what is a physical action as two feet rubbing together as what is real, not seeing realizing and understanding that it is an energetic value of separation as a mirage imposed on what is physically, common sensically here as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the spirit of this as being an energetic entity in separation from and as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this movement of myself within, into and as an energetic projection is a singular state of being as energy, a compound of my own separation into and as a behavior of survival as self validation through judging as being in disgust with myself as life, for ignoring this actual real physical world, as myself as life in expression in and as being of sound mind, as being equal and one, to and as life, in common sense of this physical world, which is being one and equal to what is here, without judgement, being at ease here, moving with what is here, self directing here, in and as what is best for all, as what allows all that is here to exist in dignity and thus at ease with self as what self is here as the from of what self is here, where all that is here is equal and one to and as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that placing judgements on what is here, is not an act of “constructive criticism” as an expression of what will lead to self direction and support as life, in all existent, as there is no other choice, and this requires respecting all life, as life being the value, thus allowing and accepting a “less than” judgement as a negative being projected/rejected by self onto something within my environment, is myself being a justifying superiority, where the outward label is the consequence of the inward self judgement as “more than” thus the two in totality are a compound into and as energy, creating a mirage, that is myself in separation from life, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the continuation of this makes the separation of myself into a reality of life never being lived, a life lacking substance, lacking a sound mind, lacking equality and oneness in and as life, here, lacking equal expression in and as life, in totality, a seeming abstract to the mind, which is the becoming of myself at ease, here, moving equal and one, here, with and as life, thus it is the abstract that is real and the concrete, as consciousness as mind, that is the illusion, as what has been accepted and allowed on earth.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being at ease here, forgiving of myself as life, here, equal and one, to and as life here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, within this, how falling down the rabbit hole, is falling into wholeness and oneness with and as life here, thus do I forgive myself the judgements in and as the mind, as consciousness, as selected limited values -themselves not good or bad- and bring myself back into and as myself as life, of sound mind physical alignment into and as what is best for all, to give as I would like to receive, to take what is good, to prevent friction and conflict as war as absence/lack within under standing self as life, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that myself within friction and conflict is myself lacking understanding in and as life, lacking the movement of myself at ease, in and as equality and oneness, as being with sound mind physical forgiving understanding of life, here.
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that the state of being, in and as a projection of disgust, is always about me, as what i have accepted and allowed, as separation, as feeling trapped, which is myself not looking at/understanding what is here, which simply means investigating what is here, and taking that which is good, to direct myself within and as becoming one and equal to and as life, moving myself with ease here, through utilizing breath, slowing myself down, realizing my own consciousness projections of more than and less than, as mirages into and as separations, as energy, the nature of which lack gentleness as it is a state of conflict as lack of understanding/comprehending life/the physical in equality within and as moving myself as ease as life here.
I commit myself to, when and as I begin to sense that I am separating myself from myself as life here, within becoming insecure within and as directing myself here, as this manifest as friction and conflict, as concrete labels in and as judgements, I stop and and I breath, and I return myself to myself physically, to not direct myself until I become at ease with what is here, to speak slowly within gentleness, self directing within and as the principle of oneness and equality, as this is the only voice of self direction absent of judgement, in being absolutely directive as life, within what is best for all in common sense of what is here.
I commit myself to realizing and understanding that a belief, as a feeling of being trapped, can only affect me, if I accept and allow this, as what is here, as the solid ground in and as this physical world, and the ability of myself as life to sense this, and what is absolutely best for this, is right in front of me, as a promise of more than, as what is promoted within a systemic inequality as a developed consumerism that diminishes self directive capacity as life into and as ideas of being more, is a means of rejecting this physical world for an illusive value that is such as it is limited gives one thing “godhead”/consciousness, a separation from respect paid within consideration of all physical form as earth , here, as what is the real support of and as each human, where the movement of self here, equal and one to this physical world, has substance, as the technology of this actual physical world is being equal and one to and as all life, as this physical world is what supports life, thus it is not what is here, it is that what is here, is treated within and as oneness and equality, as equal as life, absolutely, allowed self expression as life, visible within moving at ease, as this is an indication of life being lived in dignity.

Day 232 Internal conversation/ Back Chat : Despair Character

Internal Conversations /Back Chat Dimension/ despair character
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the inner conversations in and as my mind, composed of beliefs, opinions and ideas, as what has been taught, passed down through the generations, as the past, conversations of more than and less than, polarities of thought, as energy in fear of loss, that intensify and create emotional/feeling bodies within and as my physical body, sucking the life from me, as I weigh and measure in search of a lesser evil instead of realizing that I am one and equal to all in existence and direct myself within what is best for all, and thereby align myself with life,to move one and equal with and as life, as the physical here is a means to cross reference what supports life, and thus inner conversations are a separation from awareness of the physical here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an inner conversation that what is to be seen is more than what is heard.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an inner conversation that if I question the conversation as what is seen within the adult world, I will be punished.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a belief as an inner conversation, as back chat, like a devil supporting the angel on my shoulder of what will protect me from being attacked by the secret separate world of the adult, as “I have to watch what I say” and/or “ Is there something I am supposed to be saying?” or “ Somehow I am not understanding what I am supposed to say, I must be dumb, or I must be lacking in something, or I just don’t get this” and then within this, “ what do I not get” or, and as well “ why do I have to be bothered with this” and /or “ how does one get through this mess” and or “ Don’t these people realize they are saying the same thing” and/ or “I don’t understand this!” and/or “ what does she want me to say?” and /or “If I am not to be heard, than how am I ever going to learn how to talk?” and / or “ what you are saying is that you want this conversation to end so you can go and “play” too!” and /or “ you just want to pity patter your tears” and / or “ I am not your wet rag” and / or a non-conversation as a sense of numbness/muteness/dumbness as a young child at the very idea of being seen and not heard is an idea never imagined and later made huge as an idea that such a thing/state/idea/thought could possibly exist, which would probably be the first reaction of a child, and as the idea spun around in and as my mind, creating emotional feeling bodies around an idea that something can be seen but not heard would be enough to create a fear and a separation from life, enough to create monsters lurking under beds. WTF
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that this numbness/muteness/dumbness would be a reaction as shock at such an idea, that something can be seen and unheard ( a division ), that along with all the other images fed via television, as a programmable human, the chasm as belief in not being heard is in itself a limitation as what i am as life, here, as it takes me into and as an idea of not being heard, instead of directing me here, as life, within and as life here, realizing the physical world as what is real and learning to converse equal and one to the physical, which is composed of the substance of life, equal and one to what i am.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the state of shock such words as “to be seen and not heard’ as an idea might have as an effect on a child, as it is a directive away from life into and as a state of shock creating a behavior of “ the deer in headlights” as suddenly becoming mute/numb/dumb in encountering an idea of separation into being seen but not heard.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding a reaction in and as my mind of stunned silence, as becoming numb/dumb/mute in the face of words of separation and division into a less than and more than scenario, where what is expected also carries a subtle suggestion as a threat should the words not be accepted as fact.

I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding when and as I become this stunned silence in and as my mind.

I commit myself to, when and as I become a stunned silence in and as my mind, where no words appear, that I am lost within fathoming with and as the mind, and thus in separation from being here, one and equal with and as the physical.

When and as I find myself within this state of stunned silence in and as my mind, I stop and I breath, and I bring myself here, in and as breath, in common sense.

When and as I find myself within a stunned silence I stop and I breath, and I practice bringing myself here in common sense, as this “stunned silence” is a total dismay which is like a state of vertigo, a falling, a separation, a des-pair, will take time to move from back into and as common sense , as this has gone on for so long that in essence it will taketime to birth myself into and as life in common sense, piecing myself back together again, as I am humpty dumpty who has fallen into many pieces, and all these pieces have to be put back together again, and then this will have to learn to birth and direct as life here, and yet, there is no other journey.

Day 70 Suppression of common sense begins in childhood

Day 70 Suppression of common sense begins in childhood

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that as a child my own common sense what rejected and ignored.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that in “shutting down” my own common sense I lost the ability of myself to communicate.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand , that there is no common sense within this world and what I am as what I have become to fit into a world that does not consider and respect and work with this physical world, is a reflection of the shutting down of my own common sense that happened over the number of years it took for me to become an adult, and that the adult I have become is devoid of common sense.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear using my common sense for fear that I will be ignored and attacked as this is what happened to me as a child, and thus this memory is  based in fear of attack attached to myself resonantly as I am programmable, as self one and equal to an awareness of this physical world as what I am as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being myself for fear I will not survive in a world that attacked me, as I was a child and it was believed I had no sense, when this does not make sense as children can rapidly learn things, more so than the supposed “developed” adult.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that what I was seeing happening to the young girls who were models in NYC when I was a teenager, was their common sense being shut down as they stepped into and as a limited design in and as the “perfect” looking woman, as a role, trying to fit into the media image idea of what a woman “sould” herself as to survive, as common sense does not fit into a system that only serves profit for the few.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the soldiers committing suicide, one a day at this time, are doing so as they are being forced to go against their own common sense of life, and thus of their equality to all life, where they have been lead to believe that they are not fulfilling the perfect male “dominator” role and thus are a failure to their country, a country of politicians and corporations composed of people who allow and support the rules dictated through their participation, saying they are just doing their job and not realizing that it is the actions of each and everyone of us that create the “water the fish swim in” as what this society has become in totality - a society in separation from a common sense of this physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that our soldiers are in conflict with their own common sense as life and the “G.I. Joe” image and likeness they played with as children, a doll sold to practice the boy into being sould to a system that supports the flow of money to a few and to being a limited means of making a living - as this is all that is offered- while all this effort and development could just as well be used to provide clean drinking water for this world, to provide the means to live a dignified life where children are allowed to become adults in full capacity of their common sense, an existence of heaven on earth, where fathers could actually spend time with their children without the stress and anxiety of financial indebtedness hanging over their heads and causing the manifestation of anxious behavior.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting a system that continues  an existence of war when the sons of this earth are committing suicide, a clear indication that life is not being supported.

I forgive myself  for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that not only is it a crime to go into another country and kill children to obtain freely given earth resources, but that it is also a crime to send the sons of this earth into killing fields to become puppets to a few who believe they have a right to more than that which is one and same as them, all that exists on this earth that is life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the children and wives of these men committing suicide are left to a world that cannot explain why suicide exists as all common sense has been shut down, where if one really has a look at this, suicide is a clear indication that this system existent on earth is not supporting life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that the suppression of myself is the suppression of life, and that what I am being taught by this present system, as evident with the existence of suicide on this earth, is not what develops and supports what it is that I am, which is life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that until suicide no longer exists on this earth, life is not what is being lived on this earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when some man with a degree tells me that the suicide of my husband is not my fault, this supposedly educated person is only giving sympathy, and not telling me anything of any value or explanation as to why suicide exists.

I forgive myself  for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that the very existence of myself as not being able to explain suicide is my self telling me that there is no explanation, as suicide is the very manifestation of a lack of common sense as what this present system on earth is in fact, and as how the human has not been allowed to develop in common sense, thus what exists on this earth is a system of limited design, and not of common sense.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that a child is gentle and giving and thus perhaps this is the nature of the human as life, where within and as this nature is the ability to learn rapidly, and thus this ability would be the presence of a child in and as common sense, as common sense is the ability to sense this world to a greater degree than what that child turns into as an adult, where the adults of this world serve a system of limited design, and thus become an e(nergy)go that serves a system that obviously does not support life, as if life were supported, there would be no starvation, no rape, no suicide, no child sex trafficing, no disease, no  ADHD, no cancer, where all of these things are growths of destruction and SUPPRESSION of life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see , realize and understand that advertising spends billions of dollars a year to influence the public, and that they continue to do so because it works, tells me that the human is programable and thus, the stories and images all over the media are doing the same, and thus everything that is propagated by the media is the dis-focusing of common sense, thus must the billions of dollars a year continue to be spent in order to keep the separation from and suppression of self as life, as self in common sense of life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my obsessions and addictions are one and the same to what is plastered all over this earth by media.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize see and understand that the only way out of this separation from life as what this system allows is to change this system to one that supports life where the answer is  “to give as you would like to receive,” as does this earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to sit down and look at how much of the federal budget is spent on war, how much is spent on alcohol, how much is spent on advertising alone and to realize that this could be spent on supporting life, thus is there no excuse for not implementing a basic income grant to support life first, where it would soon be discovered that crime would come to an end, that many of the abusive behaviors that exist are caused by accepting the unacceptable simply to survive and that this must be done to stop the sons of man from committing suicide.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that soldiers committing suicide is the child unable, in common sense , to support and maintain the accepted and allowed world system of profit/greed and survival.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to see, realize and understand that this system of greed and profit is so indifferent to life that it sends the sons of man onto battlefields to clean up bombs made of depleted uranium where it is known that this substance will lead to a horrible death as this uranium is radioactive.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this same depleted uranium is subtly labeled as “depleted” to misinform and lead astray as it suggests that somehow it is no longer uranium.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to research what this depleted uranium is doing to the children being born in the areas where this depleted uranium was used and all in the name of grabbing resources to support the existence of a few on the top of a pyramid that need not exist, as this earth is able to support life in dignity for all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I accepted and allowed the rush of energy that leads to obsession and possession, all of which is one and the same as myself as I became and desired to be the image and likeness as that which is promoted by the media and advertising.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that I have allowed myself to separate myself from my common sense and thus suppressed myself as life, thus am I as much to blame as the people on the top of this pyramid, and thus the only solution is to deconstruct this pyramid by standing up and supporting a system of equality - an Equal Money System and/or a Basic Income Grant, which can only be done through coming together as a group and developing a majority to stand and place, through a vote, a system that supports life as the value, to remove the evil - living eye as a centralized power that suppresses self directive autonomy, as self is capable of when common sense is allowed to develop as what the human is as life.

I commit myself to showing the human how programmable the human is through revealing what has been accepted on this earth to the extent the human no longer can fathom any other existence than what has been propagated.

I commit myself to revealing that the desteni i process is about deprogramming what is resonantly held within and as the human physical body that is the self separated into and as energy, where the energetic addiction has consumed all the focus of the human, to the point where it is believed that nothing else exists and to the point where many of our children can no longer read.

I commit myself to practice standing in common sense, again and again and again , no matter how many times I fall, until it is done, until there is heaven on earth.

I commit myself to pointing out how advertising spends billions to indoctrinate and enslave to energetic fixes that need constant sustenance to survive, where the movies and words in all media, including the stories sould are essentially the same thing, as that the media is paid for by those who have control of money and thus what is propagated by media is configured in such as way to keep the addictions fed and not to sustain and develop a self directed human in common sense of what is real as this physical world.

I commit myself to asking questions that cause friction within the program of energy as polarities towards my fellow men and  to no longer fear the cognitive dissonance as the mind seeks an answer in singularities that have no answer as a sense of the whole and totality of existence has not been developed.

I commit myself to no longer wanting to win something, or becoming righteous, as I realize that in a system of equality, I will not be known or become famous or have more than another, thus is there nothing to win in promoting a system of equality as what will be won/one is myself as life much like the smile of a child before the tantrums of energetic desire consume and begin the separation of myself into and as wanting to be special when the value is simply myself here, being life.

I commit myself to explaining to others that the idea of self direction, as self expression, as self honesty, as self responsibility will seem like a huge fearful thing when seen through the eyes of a mind that has been made huge and addictions that seem insurmountable as nothing else has been taught, and that the physical is here to support as this is what is real as this is what is supporting all of us, as what is real is what has been allowed to be owned by a few, who themselves are in separation from life.

I commit myself to realizing that what desteni is saying is that the configuration of this world can be reconfigured to support life, and that the tools are here, they just need to be directed, by the hands of men, to support all life and to end this world system of profit and greed.

Suicide

Equal Money - vote to support life.

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey to Life