Showing posts with label parent. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parent. Show all posts

Monday, December 10, 2012

Day 230 Thought Dimension : Despair Character



“Here, as we have mentioned, the Thought will be the Point, the ONE point that would activate the (Postponement) Character. The Thought can be in the form of an image/picture and/or Memory/past experience that would relate to activating the Character.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an image of myself as a child who is seen and not heard.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a thought that I must stand and not be heard.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have even seen this in the schools, where at times, I felt the children just simply listened to the teachers, waiting for the preaching to end to continue their play and escape the preaching, where within this, it was a though the ansi-ness of the child was me, as the child held themselves within wanting to escape, yet having learned the fastest way out of the situation was to listen until it was over and then leave, after asking permission to leave when the preaching had stopped.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an image of myself being unable to be heard.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an image of myself as what i am as the child seen and not heard.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to direct myself based on an image from my past as a belief that a child is meant to be seen and not heard, which is to say that an adult is more than a child, that the words of an adult are more than a child, where it is not the word, but the object expressing the word, and thus a child as a human being has no past with which to become a word, which is to say that a child has no story to tell, where the story becomes more than the life of the child, the life of the child becoming a living word, where the word is respected, here, as a movement of self as life, here, as the real story is here, in and as the physical, as how the physical is the story of creation.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a thought of myself as only to be seen and not heard, an image of myself as being dumb, as I had not been on the earth long enough to have a story to tell, a story in separation from what is real, this physical world, a story of more than and less than values.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to make myself less than here, in and as an experience as the words “children are to be seen and not heard.”
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have become the experience of the adult being an author of a story of more than and less than,being heard ONLY and the child, as myself, being seen only.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be the experience of the word only, where as a child, I did not have a development of the word, and thus in the face of the word, I was dumb.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become dumbed down by the word, as the word had become a world in and as itself, in separation from here, a fantasy land of more than and less than, dumb to what was real, the physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become the experience of being mute.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in becoming dumb, within my experience of the word of my parents as “ a child is to be seen and not heard” I became mute, and thus in not utilizing my human physical body I rendered myself dumb, mute and blind to this actual physical world, which would send me into a state of despair, as I would lose all sense of communication with and as what was real, the actual physical world, as the substance that supports life, as it is a composition of the very substance of life, one and equal as all that exists.



I commit myself to breathing, to see, realize and understand that when I allow myself to become dumb, as in the words “ a child is meant to be seen and not heard” I accept and allow a movement of myself as dumb, mute, and blind to this actual physical world, and thus lose all footing of common sense, as equal and one awareness of what is real, and become trapped and thus experience despair, having only the word of the story of a parent who themselves are dumb, mute and blind to the physical world and perpetuallyseeking within words only, through a self constructed religion of more than and less than, as beliefs, ideas, and opinions, in self validation as the word only, and there by needing to constantly suggest self definition to maintain a separation from what is real, the actual physical world.

I commit myself to stopping and breathing, when and as I separate from myself here, into and as a belief, as an experience of despair, where I become less than this actual physical world, into and as words being seen as a story of self validation, where the physical is not seen and the word is all that is heard, as this being in and of itself a separation from life, where i ignore the effects of the use of the the spoken word as creating a fantasy world of self validation in separation of what is real, the actual physical substance as life, one and equal as what I am, here, these words as projections of more than and less than values, no longer equal and one in respect of life, where life is the physical.
I commit myself to breath, to bring myself equal and one in and as the physical, when and as I face the words of another as something “to be seen only rendering the physical unheard as the substance of myself as life, here.
I commit myself to breath, to see, realize and understand myself within a starting point of equality to what is here physically. to see, realize and understand within and as hereing/hearing what is real, as the word of myself cross referencing equal and one with and as the physical world

A parent believing self interest is justifiable in separation from life, as the physical, as what is real, the value being life.

Prevent behaviors of self interest in separation from the value being life, support an Equal Money System, to become the living word.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Day 187 Worthlessness; Preparing to avoid judgement

Day 187
Continuation from previous post where I realized I constricted in the presence of another in fear of judgement and in preparedness to avoid being judged in a belief that something would be lost, that I might be placed lower on a scale of measure than another- the illusion developed within a system of gain and loss, more than and less than, an energetic construct in separation from life, ignorant of what is real, here, an illusion of separation that has been made huge, seemingly precious, a halo/bubble of televised limited values manifest as images in and as the mind, consuming the flesh of the physical for maintenance- causing disease as in taking the ease as what is real from actually physically being here, with what is real and life sustaining, this actual physical world.

When and as I prepare myself to be focused on another with whom I am working I stop and I breath and I do not allow myself to make huge the fears of myself based on a set of values that are limited as what I was taught, where I am a protection defense of belief, opinions and ideas about myself based on my past, utilizing these values, believing myself to need to sustain them through constantly comparing myself to others within an as my world to ensure that I maintain some “meaning” about what I am, all limited ideas separate from this actual physical world, a peer group “club” composed of humans in total abdication of what is real, this actual physical world.

When and as I see myself in “readingness” of what values I may contain of lack within the limited values of my societal world I stop and I breath, I focus on what is actually physically here and I forgive the back chat of the mind that is comparing what I have-where I am,-who is with me- how I speak-what I look like - how what is here-how I appear- who is with me that I judge as a measure of my worth- what obligatory personification “stance” I am supposed to “wear”/ “ware” - what the potential outcomes might or might not be should I NOT be of a certain “stance”/look/response to and towards another as I interact with this actual real physical world, within this I stop and I breath and I - as much as I am able - realize that what is real is what is physically actually here, and that any thought of blame, value judgement, is my self within limited insight in service to a world of superstition that serves a system of inequality, an alternate reality that separates from this actual physical world.
When and as I prepare myself through a physical constriction in readiness to serve a fear of loss within myself, existent as what was taught as a child as the adults around me and the society around me, and the focus of education around me, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down to stop an inward positioning of myself onto a web of values that support a system of inequality, a web that keeps me so busy with my one singular position that I am no longer aware that this web is in totality taking the resource of this physical world and “handing it up” to a few on the top of a pyramid that is composed of justifications that are belief, opinion and ideas that are in fact a superstition and not an actual awareness of what is physically real as this freely given abundant earth, this earth crying it name in the very sound of the word, the place of b-earth - the place of birth- the opportunity to realize self as life, through becoming one and equal to this actual physical world, thus is what is real placed directly in front of us, a gift of life, as no real parent would do anything else for a child, and life is the “parent” and life is “here” as this physical world.


When and as I interact with another I stop and I breath and I hold my common ground in and as being here in practical common sense of this actual physical world, and I see, realize and understand that any blame and judgement from another, any idea , opinion and belief in and as a comparison of myself through idea, belief and opinions as what I have been taught to focus on and as, I stop and I breath, and I realize that the spewings of the mind - as the system of limited values - is a separation from life, from equality and oneness with and as what is actually practically physically here and within this I do not react to blame and judgement as this is not myself in self direction in and as life, in self honesty in and as life, in self responsibility in and as life here.




Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Day 106 A Parent setting conditions


I forgive myself self as a parent to create special days, such as holidays and birthdays where the value was placed on a past event and not on what is actually physically here, valuing life as what is real and not some past event.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that there is no such thing as the “right moment” to talk about what has been accepted and allowed within and as this world.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in placing what is existing within and as this world into a “right time and a bad time” I am existing within a character in separation from life, as I am placing value on an event from the past and not  existing with what is actually physically here, interacting with what is real here, as this physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist in and as a memory in allowing past days to be celebrated when there are children and people and animals suffering on this planet, as this system is not supporting life and therefor must change.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I suggest that there are moments when things should not be talked about, I am abdicating my self responsibility as life, that until all this world is cared for and valued as the life that it is, there is actually nothing to talk about other than this.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that life cannot be celebrated for real, until all that is of this earth is cared for and given a dignified life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in teaching my children there are conditions on what is talked about in relation to social gatherings, I am suggesting that my children not look at what is being accepted and allowed within this world.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in placing conditions on when one talks about what exists within this world I am teaching children to not stand up about obvious abuse in and as this world, and within this that  supporting family is more important than supporting life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to make a relationship to a past  more important that what is actually physically here, living and breathing as being here, in and as the value of what is actually here, as being life.
I forgive myself as a parent to have regarded birthdays and holidays as having a value never considering the life on this earth as being what is here, real, in this moment, living and actually one and equal to me as life.
I forgive myself as a parent for not having taught my children that the value is life, and as such taught my children to stand up for life no matter what, no matter the social situation.



I commit myself to revealing unacceptable practices allowed by men regardless of the social gathering, as the abuse existent is unacceptable,  and to not realize this in every moment, no matter what, is to not realize the value is life.

I commit myself being the love for my neighbor as myself, in and as standing up for life, speaking up, no matter what, that there is no other choice but that what must be cared for is all that is of this earth as life, as life is the value, any other choice is no different than the actions of Hitler.

I commit myself to standing for life, as all as one as equal, to become the living word.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Day 102 The sigh of avoidance character


Day 102 The sigh of avoidance character
My mother was here the other day. Religion came up. She stood up, sighed and turned to walk away. This one movement of standing, sighing and turning away, my twin sister has been here and done the same, and so have I. Like peas in a pod, the same action again and again. How many generations?
This is “giving up,” this is believing things are impossible, in-passable, that my shit is holier than yours, that “I know”. Yet, all of this is an avoidance character. I avoid becoming involved so that I do not have to deal with the “shit.”  I sigh and walk away. As though I am above, and within this supposed “abovness” I become the “holier than thou” salvation character, where I “save” no one, I just end up stewing in my own self pity, for having wanted to save and thinking I tried.
What I am avoiding is life, is myself, is realizing that all actions as dramatic events on this earth are the outflow of what is accepted and allowed that is the image and likeness of myself as I am all as one as equal. The resolution of this emotion and feeling is in separation from what is physically here, the pixels are not aligned with this physical world.
And this physical world, is ignored  as the movement of the care actor is deemed of  import. A storm on what is actually here, where I as life am here, this physical world - as myself as a physical being - need not seek attention and acknowledgement through incessant peek-a-boo validation as the only real validation is being physical, one and equal with and as the physical world.
My care acting is for emotions and feelings and thoughts, composed of wants , needs and desires, to ensure survival in a system of for-gotten values as we fear “picking up the violin” meaning this physical world and playing with and as the physical world. Where all it takes is realizing the form and structure of the physical and learning how to place our fingers on the strings. Something each and every one of us can do. What is here is known, we know how to take care of this physical world, yet we have allowed a system, where those that fear playing the violin have grabbed what appears to be an easy sustenance that is not of real full self development as life, and build a battle field of war to protect their own fear of being and becoming life, of picking up this physical world, meaning becoming one and equal to this physical world, and standing up in full interplay with and as this physical world. Where this is only existent when earth becomes heaven on earth, as this is interaction with the “violin” in full matched per form as all that is here “stance.” No parent/real “god” would have it any other way. As this is the opportunity to be and become life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a character of avoidance, where in standing up and sighing, I stand on a soap box, pick up a self pity rag to hold my tears - that tare at my flesh, and within my character of superiority I become the character of the rejected savior, believing that I know and am mis-understood.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that standing up and sighing, is myself in separation from life, as I am not here, one and equal to this physical world, and am imposing ideas and beliefs and opinions that are a story of belief in and as my mind, in separation from what is actually physically here, as I believe there is some god and holy place just waiting to realize how special I am, thus can I stand up and walk away, avoid what is here, avoid facing the limited view point of selected pixels of belief , opinion and idea, that ignore what is physically here, what is tangible with my human physical hands.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the desire for sex, in and as needing an image in and as my mind, to stimulate my human physical body, is no different than needing an image of a god surrounded with angels ( an even this image is limited as who the hell wants to go and sit with a supposed “god” surrounded by angels - how fucking boring), as both are seeking a limited means of self expression, and if one would look it becomes obvious that what one believes is an escape to a “better place” has no real substance beyond the image, and just as with sex, the image and action with image is never satisfying and must be perpetually sought, an action mimicked in the drugs sold for health were health is never achieved or the drugs would no longer be necessary.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that when I stand up and I sigh and I turn to move away, I am existing in and as my mind, in judgement, fixed in stone, engraving my own tombstone, and not here, in and as breath, equalizing myself as one and equal to what is physically real, here as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this character of “giving up” is avoiding being here, facing what is here, which is to say NOT facing the separations accepted and allowed as emotions, thoughts and feelings, desires, wants and needs, as what is being accepted and allowed, instead of realizing what is physically here as what is real, a constant that moves and does not move.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the energetic rushes as emotions and feelings are the separations of myself from life, the outplay of ideas and opinions and beliefs, within a bubble that turns me into a human light bulb and consumes my flesh, where I am really like a firefly on earth in separation from earth, and not here one and equal to what is real, the support of myself here, this physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that all emotions and feelings are different densities of energy, one is perceived as a negative feeling and the more dense, the positive emotion , yet the two within their spectrum of intensity are the separation of myself into and as wants, desires and needs, based on beliefs , opinions and ideas, within a system of inequality, known as capitalism, presented as democracy,  where my energetic movements in and as myself are based in fear of survival, and thus myself ignoring this physical sustaining world as the physical as life, where it is known how to sustain what is here on this planet, yet the storm of survival/fear and thus the creation of competition is the separation, as the human is at war with himself and not existing in the principle of equality, the giving as you would like to receive, the answer that has been given and is known by each and every one of us.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that emotions and feelings are based on thoughts, as ideas, opinions, and beliefs that are what has been taught by parents, which was taught by their parents etc. within a society that reflects inequality and thus all that has been conveyed through time, a conveyor belt of separation from what is real, this physical world, is causing the destruction of this earth as the human is ignoring understanding of how the present systems work, where if it were understood how this system works, the only choice is to stand and organize a system of support for all life and then to vote in this system, as protest of just an act of blame, where an act of blame is not an actual physical act of reorganization, where this will take all of us, and if we expect another to stand then earth will end, where we fear losing our jobs within a system that will be the death of us, so the challenge is to stand, the one thing feared is the one thing needed to be done, as this is common sense, because it is the fear that is the illusion, thus the thing feared is the only way through to be faced to reach heaven on earth. There is no other choice.
No one is coming to save anyone, as the gift of life is being given, to realize fear is the illusion and that there is only one way to realize this and that is to walk through it, and that each and every one of us must do this all by ourselves, thus there is not one to do this for you and me but ourselves. alone to become all one.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear emotions and reactions within others, to fear looking, where myself imposing my own beliefs and opinions and ideas, is one and the same as myself fearing to look.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that I have the tools of self forgiveness, writing,  corrective application and breath, within and as the principle of oneness in equality as what is best for all is best for self, here


I commit myself to no longer standing up and allowing myself to sigh and turn away, in and as the avoidance character, in and as a belief that I know and am not accepted or not understood, which is my self just wanting to be right, where I have separated myself from myself as life as what is best for all.
I commit myself to realizing that every moment where an interaction is not resolved to a point of equality is an act of the mind wanting to win something, wanting to survive, existing in more than and less than, where myself as equality is wanting to be more and not myself moving into and as, one and equal to, life, as life is all as one as equal here, as this is the only choice.
I commit myself to breathing, to forgiving myself to and as what I am, to stop the movement within and as myself as energy, as emotions and feelings and thoughts, to bring the pieces of myself back together again as all as one as equal here for the children to come, so that they may become one and equal as life, here.
I commit myself to realizing that the present system, accepted and allowed on earth must change to a system of oneness and equality, where all life is supported, where all forms are dignified as the life that they are.