Day 546 The clock work of my emotions.

I remember in my forties that I would inevitably go into a reactive angry emotion the day before my period. Now, I have had my period every month, like clock work, never missing this unless I was pregnant. I am a perfect text-book in terms of this feminine cycle. Never missed, always every 30 or so days.

So, what i noticed mostly was that this righteousness would begin to build and then suddenly come out the day before the period. I started to be able to notice it mid-storm and then simply stop, often apologize and state “ oh no!” what day is it? Oh!”

I got better at realizing that this was happening and not let outbursts happen. I think that had I been taught about how emotions move, and build and erupt, from childhood, then the long slow process of learning this through paying attention to patterns, would not have taken 40 years. I mean, what a waste.

If we are angry and reactive, it is not the calm directive of simply looking at what is here and moving into solutions, which is the only way to live practically, because we all realize that reacting and allowing behaviors of blame and spite take up a lot of time, cause more reactions and are not actually seeing directly at what is here and directing. One is an emotional reactive movement and the other is more a sound mind - so to speak.

I have a situation at present that needs to be resolved and it’s taking some time. This is also due to the present bureaucratic system. What I find is that I am second guessing what is going on, and imagining all manner of outcomes. Then I notice I start to become righteous about the injustice as the story built within my imaginations that are all gloom and doom, and what if’s. Which may be true or not true, but thinking about them, second guessing before I even know why the problems exists for real, does nothing. All I can do is take what information comes through the channels of the system and work with it, be careful and understand how it works.

In the last few days, I noticed that I was building a similar experience within myself as that of the behavioral pattern that erupted just before my period.

This building of belief, which I allow and cannot blame anyone but myself, is based on not slowing down and looking at myself as what I allow. And, it is based on not being equal in practical common sense, working with what is here, even as the present system that is one of self interest before common sense that is built from every single human being not functioning in common sense, as each has abdicated common sense, which is in essence the way and the means to create a world that is best for all. Thus, humans are their own demise. Believing that this self accepted and allowed demise is human nature is life in default. It is common sense, as the very substance and nature of life as how life would come to exist, which would be a physical form, that is the real nature of physical life, that the human is in reality. Thus, it is the limited beliefs, each of us are allowing that is not equal to common sense reality, a practical physical reality that moves in understandable ways, we need only look. The moment I allow myself to become emotional, to become reactive, to spite and point the finger in blame, I have abdicated myself as life, here.

The consequences of my behavior, as lack of direct seeing of this physical formation as life, has created a limited awareness, where what I construct within my mind, a para-normal imagination, creates the chaos from the limitation of my mental default of not looking/ seeing directly/ including the physical world. This separation places me into a polarity game, where I am in judgement as an act of comparison instead of understanding.  The consequence of this accepted limitation/separation  over generations of men has created a system of survival  where I “ surv-i-all the faults as the lack of measure/consideration  I have allowed in regards to what enables me to exist as a physical entity. In this process, I compare my inner limitation, as belief, to others, and blame them for being in lack, because I believe my inner construct to be complete, when it is not. And, the physical changes/transforms with every moment, so the only choice is to cross reference the physical world, which means to respect that which enables myself to exist and to realize the physical is the gift of life. Without the physical, there is no life. And heaven, was a parasite dependent on earth- the physical. 

In all, it is time to accept the gift of life, and stand together, with this physical earth - all it parts- and become co-creators equal and one with the physical world. This is the real “ video game,” this is the real story, this is life information. Humans are the perfect bio-logical organic forms to become equal and one with and as life. This is our potential, we need only realize this, and stand together, to remove the present system of separation that is not giving all of life on earth the support a physical manifestation of and as life, needs to exist. Rejection is futile, as it is rejecting the way and the means of and as life that the physical is. The physical is creation information it computes life expression. Compute originates from the latin word meaning com-together putare-settle. Together, as each part, we settle and account for life, as it is parts working together in full potential/awareness that the organism of earth/life as a physical form, can reach its full potential.