Using change to understand in order to find solutions Day 799

I remember some years ago complaining when interacting with a public servant. I was irritated when an answer to a question went from the collective into the personal. Meaning, when I asked a question about a process, and the answer moved into “ I don’t know,” I became irritated, and more than likely triggered aggravation in the person in the public servant position, changing the whole mood of the situation into protection and defense behaviors. The person from whom I sought an answer was suddenly suggesting that I was rude. IN such situations, one has to agree and then move on. 

I would rant about such situations, allowing myself to become frustrated with a person who worked within a system to hide behind moving into things being personal. Yet, as well, this is a well know logistical fallacy. When one cannot answer a question, a smoke and mirrors wall comes up of and as moving into something having been done on a personal level. It is a form of changing dimensions. Distraction can be used for a good, to direct, or for self interest when one does not have enough information, or when one does not have a large enough vocabulary. Meaning, when one does not have the ability to do the math, and be more of what humans are so capable of, which is to come up with new ways of doing things. 

It is much like standing in a piece of music, as words are never the real thing, yet they are things. Words are a fluid math, they are a reflection of focus, in terms of revealing where one’s within state is in its ability to register and share what is the movement and expression of what is around one.  Is one in synch with what is here, or is one in a state of separation from what is here? Can one remember what one did last week? If not, is one in synch with this reality? I mean, things have a progression, or change over time, if one cannot remember that, and realize what is actual, then is one really focused on reality? 

What I am seeing today, this moment, is that past belief, that had a truth and yet had no real ability to point out the smaller equations that created what was a sense of changing tense, or mood, using words, to a degree that I realize with more clarity ( and which begs the question as to how much I really know! lol) today. And, to add to this, I realize that at times in my life, I have noticed some subtle changes in the physical natural world around me, like a sudden red flag coming up, as sudden deeper attention onto the environment, the physical natural environment around me- that vast space outside a window, for example. I have to ask what I noticed, and often what I sensed and yet could not specifically name. Thus, my ability to attend to changes is natural, my ability to interpret those changes effectively, warrants greater development in terms of communicating that, which is investigating what are the changes composed of and as, such as color, or pressure etc. It is the same with human beings, in terms of noticing subtle behavioral changes, such as that tense and mood changes in the dialogue. We all know this. Ask yourself how a simple conversation that may start with a discussion about something, suddenly turns into something completely different, where the object of discussion moves into being about what someone said, or suggested about the person instead of the subject being discussed? This happens a lot. Just read the comments on any news feed, it is rampant in our society. And it is a huge means of distraction away from an issue. It is time consuming. On another level, if one had access to large amounts of money, could one with such power actually use this? Yes, of course. Yet, that happens on the greater stage, from seeds planted on the ground. It is like a false resonant tree of occupying through distraction purposeful mis-take in reality. It is, not ‘ like’, an imposed super story of business to distract while all the resources freely given somehow continue their movements out of Africa while those displaced because of this action, starve with justifications that the bureaucracies are too slow moving to get aid. Aid moves slow, at one tempo, and resource  extraction moves more fluidly. The construct should be a huge thing of question. I mean, how many articles are about resources not getting out of a country? 

I find it interesting, to note, that colder countries hold more of the administrations, and warmer, resource rich countries have greater economic instability. It is a formula for a perfect storm. The colder climates must get money to pay for physical reality needs, perfect places to build paper work processing factories. The warmer places require less structure, as that would mean more effective education and one cannot have that is one is interested in grabbing the resources. Again, this a general description of a math, a mode, a tense, a pressure, creating a form, determining an expression. It describes the use of the physical reality. A story, is a series of movements, of actions. With hindsight, those actions create our outcomes, of which are visible, over time, unless one simply does not look. In effect we as humans are intrinsically able to understand this. Why, because we use this to our advantage, though limited, we use it, thus we see it. It is a matter of expanding our awareness to realize this to a greater degree, in all the moving parts of what is here around us. The moment we move into resistances, as self protections, or through self protections in a moment, we can understand how we are a math, an equation of an as our movements. Our words are things, we use them. They reveal in their equations, in what they bring forward, our alignment conceptually to this living reality, and even what distractions exist on local and more global stages/dimensions/platforms. I mean, why are conversations called narratives? And, in all common sense, what is a veil? Is a veil something composed of a distraction that is of memory, as resonant experiences or practices of movement within? Wouldn’t it be cool to acknowledge this and begin to move more in the direction of creating a more functioning physical reality? 

Within myself, how to change moving into frustration and irritation, in relation to this living reality, as reactions towards things based on inner beliefs, into being more playful within understanding this composition of reality with a superimposed , as above, or floating on, and extracting from, as that veil, of a false and limited story of more vague information. Limitation is composed of “ unfocus. “  Where the on-focus is a quantum practice of following practices of protection as resistance to who and what we really are. It, by design, is a form of violence as it is not in synch with the practical and living and physical reality that is what and who we are here. 

One must become in synch with the practical, to realize the more subtle actions, and then no longer move into reactions about them. It means moving more as always realizing the next step, the solution, that creates a lath of least resistance, because that path of least resistance is the place of acknowledgement to be effective in action. Effective action has no signature of violence. Effective action has more of a flow to it. In all, this is why in research in educational development, the greater one’s ability to use vocabulary, the greater a generation of successful action. 

Also, developmentally, and from my personal experience, things can move into what I would call, and others have called a plateau. This is where things are accumulating, and yet on the outside it appears that nothing is moving. I like to relate this to tree in the winter. They appear dormant, yet they are not, they are simply more busy underground. It is also similar to closing the circle, meaning one is busy filling in, or realizing the circle, to then make a leap into moving into greater understanding, or awareness. I can remember times when I did not see this, and become insecure, to the degree a level as a plateau, took longer than it might have should I have recognized this!  I became caught up in the distraction of resistance via fear, based on comparison and self judgement. I forgot the actual. I was not forgiving towards the process of development. Regret, guilt, or perpetual reiteration of such a story, a time-line of events, is in itself a form of distraction and an eddy of and as a state of inner resonant beingness, that can come to be one’s self definition as this, which is more of the same, because it is not being that development as an action of closing the circle, being pro-biotic, being aware of this reality, growing in awareness of the whole of and as what is here- just wanted to add that dimension too! ; )

Coming back to where I started, that state of becoming irritated by a mood change, that is a change in focus based on inner self definitions which are a composition, a resonant math of belief,  always recognizable in having pulls, or polarized values, I realize being a reaction to such a mood, is not calling the math out by name, is not recognizing the movement one is experiencing in relation to how all of this works. Usually, a change into the personal is within this context, a personal protection because of a lack of vocabulary, a lack of seeing the math, a lack of recognizing how much an inner resonance exits as a time-line of experiences that were in themselves more of that same action, practiced again and again until the entity of it becomes larger than the reality around it, as what one accepts persists, as what one resists persists until it is moved into greater understanding, a perfect means of self realization, to show what one is doing to one’s self. When I recognize a shift in tone, a shift in measure, within and without, I have to stop, slow down and breath, assess my information and reinform myself. I have to come down out of a resonant construct, and assess the reality around me, to realize where I am not in synch with who and what I am here, as a physical state of being on a physical planet. In this, my resistances are a gift to show me to myself. It is ultimately, my responsibility to use my changeability in effective ways and means. It is my responsibility to realize the vocabulary that is in synch with this reality. What I vocalize, what I focalize must be in respect of what is here and how all of this works. Becoming irritated with what is here, is like becoming irritated with a song on a radio. That song is a thing, that is all, it cannot define me unless I allow it and it is up to me to realize why I am reacting with irritation and to realize what are the steps that move myself into what would not be of that state of reaction. 

Looking within Felicity Day 745

I am looking at resistance, as resistance is fear. 

I remember sometimes in music, a phrase or form would appear to be unable-to-be-understood for me. The form would come and the math, the measure of it was like something distant from me. It was as though there was a veil inhibiting it from me- this little shape of sound before me graphed out. I had to slow down, alone, at home, by myself, and start to take it apart. It appeared to be this illusive ‘ thing’ that somehow I could not grasp. It begged the question as to why I could take in one little notated form and not another. It made no practical sense. 

The “ block’ could be called a resistance. Somehow, my own resonance was counter to the form, my own resonance was such that the math of me, the resonance of me, the values of me were creating a wall that separated me from the form before me. It was like too different currents were meeting one another.  This overall a ‘ red flag’ because I could not transpose myself, be flexible myself, and embrace the form. I was resonant with a formation that was holding itself to such a degree that I could not change and take in a varying form with the very substance that was me, as that means that could form into my resonance and the resonant form before me that I was having difficulty grasping.

Whose fault was this, was it the form, was it that I was ‘ something’ , a personality that had value, or as some say; ‘ Just the way I am?”  Or, “ this is my opinion, you must respect that?”  If I am resistant to something then I am not being the capacity to understand, as understanding another form, which is a combination of values made up of the ultimate value of what builds form overall,   how can I really understand perspective? If I cannot change and stand as a ‘ musical form’ or any form for that matter, realizing that I can understand for a moment, and yet change in the next, thus nothing can define me but what I allow as in time and space for something to be formed it must be stood as for a period of time.  If I look at what I am being that is unable to change then I have become a resonant thing and therefor lost a capacity to change, thus from a starting point of what I am as a human being, in relation to this, if I cannot change in relation to expressions as insights as perspectives towards another, for a moment, then I am in a form of a fixed state and therefor holding onto something that need not be held onto, to the extent that I can change and see another form, even if for a moment. I have lost flexibility. I have become stagnant. And this means overall, that I am responsible for what I am, and in the order of mastering myself, I must be able to realize and recognize when I am within a resistance, as I am in a lost state of embracing a form that I can accept and or move forward, as in taking what is good and does no harm. My resistance reveals my fear of change and my lost state of being in common sense, meaning to take something and understand it and then direct it effectively. 

Yesterday, I resisted something based on my own beliefs. I believed that something was too much. This based on past interactions. In a moment, I was faced with a response. The response was “ I had a difficult week.” I replied graciously and walked away. I did not allow the door to open, because I did not want to listen to the layers of justification. I had had to do this and allowed it to become too much. I feared that happening again. Overall, it was an opportunity to face the storm and practice sorting it out. As I drove away, I recognized this. The saving grace was that I so readily recognized this. Before it would have taken me more time. So, I tell myself, this in itself a good that can become a justification. All of this a sound wall. a math of values, resonant within me. I am a Humpty Dumpty.  Face it, move and get over it. We need to start admitting this to ourselves. Overall, there is nothing but resolution.  Living in fear and resistance is a drag, quite literally.  I for one have had it. Fuck you if you do not want to do the fucking math. It is right here in front of us, in plain sight. There is no escape. You are an organic robot. I mean, look at your words, your sound formations, are they filed with iconography that uses metaphor, or compound labels to zip file information where eveyone has to guess at what is meant? 

I have had people say to me, in relation to animals, that when an animal comes to ‘ visit’ as move outside of expected behaviors, that a past loved one has come to visit. This is a projection of an icon, as that person from that past visiting. What it can really signify is a characteristic of the self that the self is chasing, as the self has placed this value outside of the self because this is the self rejecting the self. This is the self chasing what the self gave up, and the means for the self to live without fear, without resistance and the cause of resistance. In the scream of the longing is the thing being missed, the thing given up. It is the signifier of the shattering of the self, into pieces, it is the beginning of the advent of a separation into fractionalized projected parts as ideas, beliefs, opinions. It is the smoke and mirrors show. It is the consciousness in separation from reality. In this instance, a person said to me that an animal came to them and that it was their friend they had lost. In reality, that friend was admired for a value the admirer lost within themselves, objectified outside of themselves. The animal that ostensibly came was the value the self rejected and longed for, hidden in a series of storied information placed into objects holding past projections. A huge parable. Looking at the smallest of parts can disperse the picture show. I want to say, what is constant within the show? Bring it back to self. Find the word. Realize the initial resistance. Would one agree that realizing what was lost is the means forward? Could one see the self hate is a form of self pity? Is this not manifest as an added color of longing? Could this not come as an answer to a question as “ I had a difficult week?” as the starting point of sorting out the projected and separated values ?  If I am capable of writing this here, am I not capable of facing the storm and living the joy of being present, sensing the small, within the greater inflation of resonant forms? Shame is not going to change this. Self hate and reprimand is more of the same. 

Today, I ask myself : " What is felicity?"

What SPELLS have I cast, what SPELLS has Hillary Clinton cast? Day 716

Within playing the violin, I had to be aware of the muscles in my body because if they tensed, that tension built and then I was occupied in sorting that out and lost focus on what kept my place in the music, which was moving in those around me. 

At the moment, I am aware of energy moving in me. There appears to me to be a lot. Yet, someone reminded me that the energy is really very very small. It only appears huge. This is cool from one perspective because it reveals how by nature of our self as life, our presence, we can narrow our focus down to the smallest of things, and we can sense the whole of what is around us as well.  The energy within me , is where I accepted and allowed myself to focus for an extended period of time, on ideas, beliefs and opinions, that I did not resolve and balance back into reality, as all things, which includes the manifestation of form as the physical.  

What I notice is how much I have thoughts falling down into my body. Instead of myself cross-referencing what is here, I am projecting value judgements based on what I practiced as an abstract idea,  down from my head into my body. It is like this thick soup, heavy, dark, like a tar falling from within me.  It moves into various parts of the body, even into my chest.  There it resists addressing this very same thing in others, such an occupation of myself that problem solving because secondary to protection . 

I have a fear of people, which is related to another fear I have, as a paranoia of the paranormal. This, built in childhood, most probably because my parents were the same as me, as they absorbed this mis-take on reality from their parents, because that is the nature of life, to sense all things. This leads to realizing that the only thing to choose is that which does no harm, or, the choice is to move within what transforms in ways that do no harm- otherwise how does one learn how to create?  This is why my words must relate to this physical world directly. Each measure as each word, must trigger a relationship, as a respect of, what is here manifest as the physical.  This is living in consideration of all things. Within this, I would have no alternate reality of value judgements less than life, heavy, within and as me; this energy falling and moving around within me, that I accepted and allowed.

Just as in playing the violin, no one can do this for you but yourself, it does not matter who you absorbed that lead to this mis-take in reality as being the cry of why this has happened. This is not living solution; instead, in complaining one is that which one is being when one blames another, that other that has to do the same- no matter what.  Also, playing the violin, as an analogy here, means that one cannot understand until one is that capacity. In this world this means knowing one’s words and aligning them to reality. Then, to process this information with ease, to catch up to what has been a mis-take within and as one’s self, to see the patterns, to realize the movement, of which I am sure I have more to discover, as some are so subtle, within my own habit of resistance to life, that lead to a resistance to change, that lead to me separating myself from physical reality. 

As some may know, my husband committed suicide. I remember a time when I could see this coming, and a day, specifically, where I stood there in the hallway of our apartment at the time, and said to myself, “ what is it about he words” as I attempted to sort out what I could sense coming. Also, as I stood in front of a fourth grade class, and realized that the children were all over the place in their focus ability, and that all I could do is rebuild, just as I did when I taught the violin. It meant moving into the smallest measures and practicing them until they were stable, so that the presence of the person could expand to greater awareness of the space around them, or the information within an equal relationship to the space around them.  Those who know destini is related to Bernard Poolman must realize that what he did, as he was a stuck in his mind as the rest of us, that he had to process the information in this reality as words, to begin to see the patterns of the present system, and his own patterns of belief, to assess why there was so much destruction and not enough creation on this planet called earth. 

I can say, from the point of my own experience up until now, that realizing the energy moving within me, took time, and has more development towards realizing this. From the perspective of having and being within this, that energy appears to be so real, and so huge, that a perspective from within that, will believe, as in the will having accepted this, that that energy is real and all that is when it is not.   It is to say, that if you do not see the grass growing then you are not here, you as have I, rejected what is real, the physical world, for a false construct of ideas that is an entity within you. I cannot remember yesterday because I was not there, I was instead in a construct of information, limited and by such nature stagnant, within and as me, as energy.  Therefor, I have no real constancy, as life, because I was not in attention to life, as the physical.  I accepted a polarized story of information, that layered within and as me, becoming a personality of likes and dislikes, and believing that I had wants needs and desires that made me unique and special, when what was special, or is special is being life, being here, creating and living. 

In all, one has to get one’s processing speed up, one has to see, realize and understand that SPELL within and it manifestation as a world system that is not aligned with respect of all things, as the physical world, which is creation, which is the means of ourselves being in expression as life here. One has to catch up, so to speak, to the spin of energy, composed of ideas, beliefs and opinions , which means one must process the words as their spin holding the system in place AND as the constructs of value judgements within one’s self.  One could say that this started with religion, those first tech buildings filled with song and colored windows. One could say this started with agriculture, creating imagery, as icons of objects from nature, giving them a meaning within one’s self that was just this, a value within in separation from the real physical thing.  Thus, here we are, on earth, perhaps the last bastion of somewhat functioning physical creation, compounded down to a single point as this is all that is left from a race who idolize what is within without respect towards creation.   A respect and care towards all things is the only choice, as this is the real nature of life. It is the innate capacity of each of us. It is who and what we are as life. 

In all, I must realize my own SPELLS, to bring myself back to who and what I am as life, to stand, equal and one in respect of physical reality, as this is creation information.  If I cannot process the information as the spells, as my word relationship within energy/value judgements , then how will I realize my own accepted and allowed legerdemain that is an inferiority to life as that which is who and what I am that is my own separation from being present and equal to the will of and as me as life, here. 

Am I SPELLING courage or am I spelling chaos, as limitation and stagnation are a form of chaos filled with  projecting and imagining blame and worst case scenarios, gloom and doom, fear and reaction instead of problem solving.  Have I managed to move information, as the spells of men, to such a degree that I begin to see the patterns of my own accepted and allowed separation into limitation and by form, stagnation into a consequence of an energetic reaction  called value judgements that in space is so small yet made so huge, that an idea of that inform that I have accepted and allowed appears to be real, yet is not?  What am I spelling with this gift of life that is me? 

I mean have a look, Hillary Clinton evidently has Parkinson's dis-EASE,  how was that lack of ease, that lack of being present, created? From what was this limitation and physical stagnation built? As yourself, can you hear the grass growing, are you playing the instrument of you as life, or are you caught in a dream called energy? I would suggest increasing your processing of the spells speed, and self forgive this limitation that is a separation from life. It is stagnant - visible in a fear of change.  Would you want this for yourself, do you want this for this children to come? 

Day 699 How can this be?

I am again looking at my experience within playing the violin. I remember in my thirties, especially, when  had two small children and I spent time practicing. I realized through those years that if I practiced with a part of myself resolving problems, which is myself being in my mind, then when I went to perform I had a harder time focusing on what I was doing. I had to go back and practice the piece again, to clear the emotional memory attachments from the music.

This also taught me, slowly, that the way in which I focused, of which I had control, while I practiced, was very important. I could learn something faster than is believed if I focused without sorting some issue in my life out in the back of my mind while practicing.

It also has created a situation where I sort things out in the back of my mind in other moments in my life.  

I also realize when I am doing this if I pick something up to read. The reading process becomes more difficult because I have to constantly refocus myself.

I also realize that there are moments when I naturally understand this process of being caught in emotions in others, as I have moments in the past where I was very calm in the face of emotions, and did not react, and could calm a situation, making the intense emotions small, bringing them down to size. 

I think we all have this capacity. We just need to look. There are moments when each of us have done this, not reacted to emotion and prevented a situation from becoming charged with reactions of blame and spite, want and desire, fear and survival.  We can see that instead we were that practice of problem solving leading, or remaining in a sense of ease in the community of others.

Within this, I can see where the potential for this is always present, it is always here. This is because we live in a practical physical world. The steps to get things done, are always right in front of us. What separates is from that is what we believe as thoughts, as measures about things, in our minds, our memories.

I was reading this book about education. In the book the conversation went into how the present system is formed and the limitations inherent in the design in terms of allowing a natural potential to problem solve and create in children. I found myself reacting with the words in my head “ how can this be.” This, has a charge behind it, that is more myself from the past as a child, not comprehending that something could possibly exist. It also brings up a memory that has the same colored charge; when I gave birth to my children. In both, there is this color that has the words “ How can this be!, What is this? Why does this exist!”  I must have asked myself this question throughout my life.  

It was not until I had an extreme situation that I finally turned this question into “ This is not life, where is life?” “ This cannot be life, where is it?” and “ I have to become life, no matter what.” And also the words, “ I am going to lose everything, everyone, it is going to be hard, and yet it has to be done, there is no other choice.”

LOL, I notice in this moment, that that statement of ‘ this is going to be hard’ has created a sense of this being a burden. And yet, I started this blog remembering those moments where I made small an emotional storm. In those moments, where I did not react and was at ease,  it was not hard, it just was. In these moments I was calm, and applied myself naturally, without judgement. And, this is the way to practice an instrument. This was the state I had to stand within, to efficiently practice something. 

This means overall, that if I practice, or stand here as the practice of life, meaning to always ground myself and breath here, I can accumulate a perfect practice, becoming a momentum of problem solving, calling emotions,  and the feeling that justifies the emotion, by name and downsizing them into the practical.  We can all do this. It is who and what we really are, it is the potential inherent by design in what we are as physical beings on a physical world.

Day 657 Where am I constant?

I notice there are times when I do not react to another’s behavior. I noticed I become very patient  It is like water rolling off of me. More often, I either do not respond, or in the same calm way that I am within not reacting, I speak up and reform what is said, in the third person. It is as though I am not placing any blame on the person, it is more that I look at the information and reform it, or take it into something that is no longer inflammatory, or inflated into a polarity as some aspect being made a huge value.

So, I ask myself why I am not this way all the time? What triggers do I maintain that I then fear happening?

Reacting to information in a judgmental way, a self protective criticism is used like a shield, usually to point out a mis-take as an enlarged value that is stupid/stooped in its limited perspective.  And this is because I have done the same, or am wanting to hide how I did the opposite, and want the attention turned towards the other.

Meanwhile, I am aware that the mind consciousness of self interest, will scream it’s own limitation, thus what I am doing when I react, is screaming my own limitations, wanting to hide through projection of a wrong onto someone else. It is like a rise in energy, within, only to be followed by embarrassment, hoping no one realizes. Everyone usually does realize, they silently just want it to pass, not having to sort this all out. And I have done the same. Sorting this all out seems impossible, when it simply means realizing the game of self interest, a self within believing that some value defines self and the existence of a potential for that to be lost. 

Those times in contrast, when I listen, without judgement, and review the information presented, take the information as a form, something that is mutable, meaning, not something fixed and eternal, is done with more ease, calm, serenity and stability.

Naturally, within such a state of being, I am more fluid, more creative, more able to see from more than one perspective. I am more able to be self honest. I am not within an energy of needing to lie, thus the experience has no sense of being a burden.

One is more self directive and the other is more reactive. One has more of a sense of rushing, of forcing an opinion outward, and the other is more able to stop, slow down, hold onto a perspective, and maintain it within changing as one moves through a review of it. One has more a sense of constancy.

Thus, when I face a reactive environment, either self generated or happening around me, I have to slow way down and stop, until I have that sense of seeing the information in a non-reactive way, indicative in an ability to retain the information and either speak up about it, or if someone else should speak up, let it go. In this, the reforming of information, or adding perspective, is about the information and not the object from which the information comes, and this in relation to the information that comes from other men via descriptive language.

Those times when the information coming towards me, or a storm rising within me, appears to be too much, means that I have some investigative action to take. even when this information comes in the form of hope, as a positive energy, all dreamy like, like a potential is going to happen, when this is an expectation dream based on countering past mis-takes reordered to stand once again. 

Usually, this is accompanied by a tiredness of sorting this all out.

Interesting here, that I have this image of myself as a child, with all this information coming at me, like a huge weight and I am supposed to sort this out. And it appears really huge and indecipherable.  I remember also, before I started to walk the process of deconstructing the mind consciousness I accepted and allowed, was being so sick of this heavy thing within me, that one day I just went into it, just wanted it to go away, so I went into it, instead of trying to hide from it. I mean, I would wake up in the morning feeling like I could not move, knowing this was an illusion, and wanting to know what this was overall. Sometimes I would lie there sensing the weight of it, because it had this huge weight. What was this thing?

Now, there are times when I realize that this weight is an information that is what I have created, because it is what I access to direct me, as it is the information that is me, as what I have accepted and allowed.

Hence, this is the same on all of us, in those around me. So, within this understanding there are times when I am calm and do not react to this in others. So, there are moments when I address this as information, where somewhere I myself am aware of this. I am aware that the behaviors of others, is information that is then directing the person. I do not react, and even have a sense that this is a storm, something that will pass, and that listening to the words, will reveal the form, and that this can be reformed. And I do not feel threatened in such situations.

What I am doing when I react is battling for one personification of values to be more than another, instead of realizing that everything as information is a personification of values, and accept it as that, and learn from it, enjoy it. Yet, I either allow myself to be conditioned by a limited set of personified values, to survive, or I remind myself here as a man, with a set of values that is me, that is what I am here, as this including the physical world. And, to realize that what hued-men/humans have done is become a bubble of a storm of energetic personified values, like a walking picture show of values, usurious to the very life of the physical man walking under the weight of this “ heavenly’ personification. If this is how one has programmed oneself, because we do program ourselves otherwise how would anyone master the violin- for instance, then, I would wake up in the morning with this huge weight above me, that scared me and that at times was of an information that could not direct me - obvious in my resistance to other information around me! My behavior would be to react in protection and self defense when not fitting into this world or the same limited value personified behaviors in others because it is not equal to reality, as the value of life as the physical real information that is the real me.

Thus, when I find myself not being calm, and serene, and in a quiet assessment of information, I have to stop, to breath, and assess my own accepted and allowed information, even when feeling overwhelmed by a weighted form around me, until I have slowed enough to address it and move in a way that is stable, that can stand. A within what carries no weight, as what can remain eternal is always there as those times when I became a natural ability to assess. That “weight”, is but very thin, meaning of no real weight, it is only my resistance to it, that has it appear to be a weight. And also, those times when such information rolled off me like water, yet was readable, able to be reformed as though it was me, yet understood this was only for a moment.

Day 546 The clock work of my emotions.

I remember in my forties that I would inevitably go into a reactive angry emotion the day before my period. Now, I have had my period every month, like clock work, never missing this unless I was pregnant. I am a perfect text-book in terms of this feminine cycle. Never missed, always every 30 or so days.

So, what i noticed mostly was that this righteousness would begin to build and then suddenly come out the day before the period. I started to be able to notice it mid-storm and then simply stop, often apologize and state “ oh no!” what day is it? Oh!”

I got better at realizing that this was happening and not let outbursts happen. I think that had I been taught about how emotions move, and build and erupt, from childhood, then the long slow process of learning this through paying attention to patterns, would not have taken 40 years. I mean, what a waste.

If we are angry and reactive, it is not the calm directive of simply looking at what is here and moving into solutions, which is the only way to live practically, because we all realize that reacting and allowing behaviors of blame and spite take up a lot of time, cause more reactions and are not actually seeing directly at what is here and directing. One is an emotional reactive movement and the other is more a sound mind - so to speak.

I have a situation at present that needs to be resolved and it’s taking some time. This is also due to the present bureaucratic system. What I find is that I am second guessing what is going on, and imagining all manner of outcomes. Then I notice I start to become righteous about the injustice as the story built within my imaginations that are all gloom and doom, and what if’s. Which may be true or not true, but thinking about them, second guessing before I even know why the problems exists for real, does nothing. All I can do is take what information comes through the channels of the system and work with it, be careful and understand how it works.

In the last few days, I noticed that I was building a similar experience within myself as that of the behavioral pattern that erupted just before my period.

This building of belief, which I allow and cannot blame anyone but myself, is based on not slowing down and looking at myself as what I allow. And, it is based on not being equal in practical common sense, working with what is here, even as the present system that is one of self interest before common sense that is built from every single human being not functioning in common sense, as each has abdicated common sense, which is in essence the way and the means to create a world that is best for all. Thus, humans are their own demise. Believing that this self accepted and allowed demise is human nature is life in default. It is common sense, as the very substance and nature of life as how life would come to exist, which would be a physical form, that is the real nature of physical life, that the human is in reality. Thus, it is the limited beliefs, each of us are allowing that is not equal to common sense reality, a practical physical reality that moves in understandable ways, we need only look. The moment I allow myself to become emotional, to become reactive, to spite and point the finger in blame, I have abdicated myself as life, here.

The consequences of my behavior, as lack of direct seeing of this physical formation as life, has created a limited awareness, where what I construct within my mind, a para-normal imagination, creates the chaos from the limitation of my mental default of not looking/ seeing directly/ including the physical world. This separation places me into a polarity game, where I am in judgement as an act of comparison instead of understanding.  The consequence of this accepted limitation/separation  over generations of men has created a system of survival  where I “ surv-i-all the faults as the lack of measure/consideration  I have allowed in regards to what enables me to exist as a physical entity. In this process, I compare my inner limitation, as belief, to others, and blame them for being in lack, because I believe my inner construct to be complete, when it is not. And, the physical changes/transforms with every moment, so the only choice is to cross reference the physical world, which means to respect that which enables myself to exist and to realize the physical is the gift of life. Without the physical, there is no life. And heaven, was a parasite dependent on earth- the physical. 

In all, it is time to accept the gift of life, and stand together, with this physical earth - all it parts- and become co-creators equal and one with the physical world. This is the real “ video game,” this is the real story, this is life information. Humans are the perfect bio-logical organic forms to become equal and one with and as life. This is our potential, we need only realize this, and stand together, to remove the present system of separation that is not giving all of life on earth the support a physical manifestation of and as life, needs to exist. Rejection is futile, as it is rejecting the way and the means of and as life that the physical is. The physical is creation information it computes life expression. Compute originates from the latin word meaning com-together putare-settle. Together, as each part, we settle and account for life, as it is parts working together in full potential/awareness that the organism of earth/life as a physical form, can reach its full potential.

Day 510 Blaming myself and realizing there is no quick fix. Self Forgiveness and Corrective Application

I am looking at two past events, where I was told that my words were not the right ones to use, and another event where i was told that my words were not to be listened to because I was brainwashed, which means what I was saying as words, as tactics, was disruptive.

Within this, I notice a huge self blame moving within me.  And a self righteousness. 

And then a memory comes up of my parents arguing. They are throwing words at one another, and then they suddenly turn to me, and I look at them and say, " you are both saying the same thing, but using different words." This was not what they wanted to hear, and thus, just went back to arguing. 

So, this last time as the words of blame came towards me, I still reacted, but was able to some extent, see my reaction, and just slow down. Within this, I realize I still want to react in protection and self defense and push back in blaming the other for not understanding. I also feel inferior because perhaps it is me, I don't know how to speak, or so I believe. I take the reaction of the other as a threat. I am not immediately understood, and if we look at our present consumerist/entertainment/ all -manner-of-drugs society, we have accustomed ourselves to immediate fixes. Even our medical system is known to stop a symptom but not to address what would cure long term. 

So, if I am busy being this emotionally within, how can I slow down and look at what is built as the words used, and begin to move them, into understanding? To realize tactics towards  problem, solution and thus reward. I am not addressing what might or might not be an explanation that is clear, instead I am protecting myself from accusation that is in itself not slowing down and equalizing understanding. Within this, there is only here, being equal to what is that which enables existence, which is physical reality, thus solution can only be that which does no harm, that which is what is best.In this one can only communicate and reach understanding in physical practical ways, realizing that there is no magical thinking that can solve, only step by step practical movement into equal understanding of how the physical world functions and this, in ways that take that which is good and does not harm.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame myself., to become self blame

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear making a mistake.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I cannot be understood.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that  blame is self not wanting to change, which means blame is self not wanting to accept self as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being considered less than.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that there is no such thing as a less than, there is only solution within and as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see ,realize and understand that because of accepting and allowing blame, " less than's " have become an accepted paranormal behavior on earth, as there is only, equality and oneness to that which is the composition of life, which is the physical world, as the physical is the formation of life and as such must be respected as life, as a respect is only doing that which does no harm, and taking that which is good.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that animals do not overwhelm the earth, they work in tandem, as nature balancing themselves out in ways that maintain life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I alone cannot convince another person of life, as they must investigate what is here to see, realize and understand what is here on earth within the totality of creation, and asking one person to explain life is self wanting a quick fix, thus the solution is to walk self equal and one in understanding life in totality, as this is common sense.

When and as I find myself wanting to blame, reacting in righteousness as protection and self defense, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see realize and understand that in one aspect, while I remained calm, I explained in more than one way, and because I am showing a process, I get all manner of reactions from ego, and then I try and explain, and the resistance comes up as the mind of limitation, of knowledge and information trying to build an understanding as mind, which is impossible, and thus it is to remain in simplicity, in what will as a singular action, bring self into equality and oneness with and as life, which means being aware of how this physical world is moving as a system in separation at present, from life, here.

When and as I find myself reacting in self blame, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I remain here, in walking myself equal and one to and with realizing a practical application of walking into equality and oneness to and as life, here.

When and as I find myself blaming myself here, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I focus on the movement as the moment in front of me, and I practice walking equal and one as what is best for all, as what supports all life as that which is good and does no harm, here.

Day 467 Watching the reactions only.

I find I lose my breath when I speak with others, and within myself I expect reactions, and then I get caught up in complicating my conversation in attempting to “ simplify” it according to my perception of the reactions of others. Then I lose what I am saying that is really very simple.

I am so busy watching the reactions ONLY that I miss the underlying need for the reactions, and since the reactions, as emotional storms are secondary to a starting point of being, then that which is constant as what is best for all, as that which gives structure that allows self direction that brings ease, this ease within itself something that moves quietly and gently, as it has no need, its movement clear, not fearing a loss, or an immediacy of gain, as the value is being here, as life, this point where life exists, because life can only hear/be here, which is why there are so many distractions around us, to take us from the most stable point, which is being physically here - and because of this on another front, why sex is turned into sex instead of physical intimacy, because in turning sex into an idea, one is in separation from enjoying physical presence here.  It is a “ hide what is real right in front of you” game. 

I mean, media is constant suggestion that this or that will solve…. solve what? Why is something needing to be “ solved” in the first place? What if we were the solution of life, meaning the very substance of life, meaning being equal to life, instead of an idea as needing to find solutions, as in problem solving?  I mean the “ assets of earth, as the resources being treated as what is here to support us as we are this, can only be given to each in order for each to exist equal to what supports physical well being. What we have allowed is a hierarchy ordering this world to allow a few to have more than others, and this “ more” is not a “ more” it is a separation from reality. It is a beseeching act hiding fear of loss based on idea. Meaning, be see king, meaning I am not equal to life being the value because there is always something greater outside of me- or so I believe.. Life cannot exist without that which is the substance of the physical. As this, we each have great power, in simply being, which just takes respecting the physical world.

There is no reason why neighbor is not enjoying neighbor. There is no reason for this earth to not be a botanical garden, where there is joy in interacting and communicating with everything that is here.

I heard a story one time about a man who in childhood, moved from a lower financial position to one of more financial success and in so doing, moved from a more densely populated environment to a more suburban environment. In the more affluent environment, the neighbors interacted less, remained closed off. What was lost was the open. sharing communication between fellow men. The point here is the loss of communication between neighbors. The physical environment has nothing to do with this, because in a more suburban environment, space for communication readily exists, so what ended communication was the focus on climbing the ladder, which meant not being responsible for how the present system of inequality functions, knowing one was playing a game that was not supportive of life, of the physical world, and that what one was in effect doing was acting in self interest, thus the need to hide in shame.

And then the game of comparison sets in. Comparison based on an idea of what will win the game. But if we look at nature, if we look at a tree, or we look as the musculature of an animal, we can see the same shapes, the same folds, the same curves, and they vary slightly only, but it is all a form of life enabling expression and all of it is the value, all of it is a part of us, as us, equal, and that it is the communication with this that is the enjoyment. I mean, we can only be in one place at a time. And we all love to hear stories, so what if the story is told by the physical, actually living the experience? What if the god we seek, at whose feet we believe as an idea, we are going to sit at when we die, is really the physical world rights here, telling the story of heaven, of simply being? What if we are missing this and it is right here in front of us? I mean, we are here in the living story of life, we are given the physical to “ live” the story, we are it, as the physical, so it is time to be here, live here, communicate here, respecting all the forms and expressions as the forms of the physical here, which means taking care of it and enjoying it.

Support a Living Income Guarantee. Participate in LIFE, it is right here, it is your feet, it is the ground on which you walk, it is your neighbor, it is the animals, it is the ground, it is the sky, it is everything. The hierarchy placed, as the present accepted and allowed system is the separation on a physical world that by design allowed communication it is only ourselves as mind consciousness systems of limited belief that separates us from ourselves as life.

Walk the DIP Lite course, begin the journey to life, bring yourself back to the physical, remove the emotional storm bubble of limited ideas through self forgiveness, writing and corrective application. Ground yourself, here.

Day 464 Physical Reactions based on Past Events: Separation from Life

There was a goat today that I saw in a video, and this goat was chasing people and butting them, or so the story goes. But, I noticed how this goat followed a woman from behind, ran up to her and stopped just before he got to her. The goat did this a couple of times. Then the woman turned and reacted, moving her arms. At this point the goat began to “ butt” her, and eventually knocked her over.

I was walking my dog and something similar happened. A couple walked towards me, and somehow, I can’t remember this part in detail, we stopped, and the man pet my dog. The woman remained still. My dog became excited with the attention and turned to the woman, as the dog did so, the woman threw up her arms and backed off, and said she did not like dogs. My dog became more excited and moved towards her. I had the dog on a leash so could reign in the dog. But I looked at the woman, and said the dog would not hurt her, and, that when she through up her arms and backed off as she did, the dog took this as her being excited and wanted to “ join in.” The man with her said to me that she was frightened of dogs, but I held my ground, I said my dog was friendly, but did and could get excited and would jump towards a person and be very willing to play. So, a reactive movement with the arms going up would be a signal to the dog. 

As the system stands, this is one of those instances where real “ help” so to speak can be considered rude, because one is not catering to the emotions of another as their ideological/past memory picture show value,  and actually trying to help a person understand that their physical behavior as their fear can lead to the very thing they are fearing. A dog is not going to read the “ inner story from a past event” in another person, and this is a good thing, because that past event is not what is here, thus that past story is not what is real, and as the reaction of the woman towards the dog suggests, my dog is not a dog to fear, and all the behaviors within this whole interaction made it clear that my dog was not an unfriendly dog in any way, so my dog just took reality in, a human standing there, one of which stopped and pet her, and the other who began throwing their arms up and standing back, which looked in the reality of the moment, without emotions and feelings based on past events, like someone that wanted to engage and play. So, in essence who is the fool, the dog or the human? Me think it is the human. 

What is the solution to this emotional storm placed before reality?

It is to, instead of defining ourselves as our past to slow down and look at what is here. And in this instance, to realize that perhaps the reason we were hurt by a dog was because we as humans reacted to a dog without considering physical reality and the judgement we reacted as causing the ensuing reaction that supposes harm, meaning the harm that exists is because we assume harm. That goat and my dog reacted to physical movement. That goat did that woman no harm, it was only when she reacted towards the goat that the goat reacted back, that goat was excited from another person, but did not hurt that woman at first. 

If we take the time to be here, in the moment and look, our past does not need to be lived again and again and we might actually find, for example, that we like playing with dogs, which can be very enjoyable and relaxing.

If all of us as adults have such things, as emotional  self definitions based on past events,  then  how can we expect our children to not become the same? And then when our children carry their own emotions, and these go against our emotions as parents, what happens, do we place our emotions before the children or do we let them go? I mean whose emotions should be more “ real” and thus given priority to? Overall this all means that the emotions can be given up, which means that we need not carry them around. I mean , I can see where this would be used and cause all kinds of miss-understandings. I can see where in family get togethers, the cause of friction is that everyone is wanting their emotions to be the “ real” ones. And meanwhile, living is not what is happening. In essence, we have manifested this as our money system, where some people actually believe that they deserve more money than others, because they actually believe that their “ business” or hard work is more than anothers, as they stand and look at how they have moved words around on paper, or digits around on a screen, as even seeds around on the ground. In the end it is all a movement, here as life. And somehow, we have allowed an idea of something having more significance than reality. And we try and get everyone else to believe this too.

The only solution in all of this is to realize we live in a physical reality, and that it is what is right here, right in front of us, as physical things moving around that we use to sustain us, that we use to keep us warm, and feed us, that is what composes here, that is real. Bringing our past here, wanting ideas about what we did in the past, or what we do being somehow more than what another does is a separation from reality. In all simplicity, we can only be in one place at a time, moving one thing with our hands, so no one person is more than another. And holding onto emotions from the past, or ideas about our endeavors,  is holding onto a movement in the past that has nothing to do with being here and respecting physical existence. We can only be here, and anything of the mind that does not see physical reality here, and respect it/ see it as what it physically is and  within this, allow it to participate and move within physical reality in full participation, is a state of being that is in separation from life.

If we forgive our emotions as our past, and learn to be here, physically here, in common sense of here, what would become of reality? Might we actually begin to enjoy being here and begin to see others, especially, if emotions and feelings as self definitions no longer exist? Would we begin to realize the physical world around us, and work with it instead of ignore it based on ideas and past events being what we allow to occupy our attention in the face of physical reality? If we begin to pay attention to here, then we might have the time to actually look at what is going on in this world and realize that our present system is not working,  this system of emotions and feelings and beliefs being more than the reality here, and needs to change because this present system is not taking care of this earth. And, as we can see, being here, and taking care of what is here as this earth, is really the only thing that is real and that we all only have two hands, thus we as humans must work together as a group to get this done.

The rewards of this are a world where the physical reality is cared for, and understood. Looking at  what has been allowed and accepted as a form as our system, and realizing how much it caters to ideas of one thing being more than another based on some inner value system that bears no witness to life, which is physical as the manifestation of life in expression,  is not serving up respect for that which we are, physical beings ( and that it is the physical that carries the picture show - so the picture show cannot exist without the physical ) . 

TIme to stand up and support the physical, so we can bring the inner picture show of judgement, as a game of association based on past events that in themselves were a reaction to here and take care of what is the value, of which the physical world enables as to be, which is life.

Support a Living Income Guarantee. Support life, support the full potential of self as a physical expression of life through structuring a system that gives the physical the basic needs to become what we all want, which is to be equal to life in full expression.

Check out DIP Lite, to slow down and take a look at your own emotional storm that is separating you from seeing a dog that means no harm and only wants to enjoy life and play.

FB Equal Life Foundation

Day 389 Self Forgiveness on the Manner of Consciousness

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a machine of infinite affinity to ideas, opinions and beliefs, instead of looking with and as my self as life, breathing here, realizing the physical, equalizing this within this being myself in common sense as  myself as life, absolutely directive within the principle of what is best for all, where there is not fear, only absolute focus on being directive with consideration of all life , where all life is me and i am it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the limitation that objectification into a more than and a less than creates, as a separation from awareness of the physical world as me, where I allow myself to become stagnant within one dimension only, within and as my mind, as consciousness as pictures,   which is to say that I move as limited knowledge and information, which is in and as itself not good or bad, but limited, and thus a separation and thus stagnant, a suppression , which we can see is the system playing out on earth, which in totality is a separation from the physical earth, thus there is not respect for earth , for the physical, as the totality of life, as earth is not considered, and this lack of perception, this lack of depth, this lack of awareness, this separation compounds to the point where the action of the many as the physical body of a collective of men, is not respected, is not seen and realized for the life that it is, as the few that represent the outflow of each of our inner separation from life, as the physical,  simply play out the extreme of our inner accepted and allowed inner separation, thus what exists as the system of men, is the consequence of separation from life, from respect and equal consideration of all life, of all of the physical, this physical world that which is real, that which sustains us, that which sustained heaven, which is why such a statement existed that said that heaven had to be brought to earth, I mean why would such a thing be said?

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear describing the extent of separation that is the mind, composed of thoughts created and recited again and again by parents who were themselves in separation, and thus what was said was not all bad it was simply words that taught/constructed a placement on a grid that is the outward manifestation of the inner separation of the human, thus this present economic system on earth as the human, is the representation of our separation, each of us, from life into and as consciousness.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that there is no ease until there is equality and oneness with and as the physical, that there is not ease until the separation into a heaven and a hell is brought back into equality and oneness with and as the physical being real, being what sustains us, being what is the value, and thus the value is all of the physical as the physical is a symbiotic world where this physical world functions as an interconnectedness, where there is no monopoly within the natural world as this will not work, because it is trying to force an idea on how earth should be from a starting point of separation into and as consciousness, as limited values, not good or bad, simply blown out of proportion, the effects of which cause a cognitive dissonance, as separation from equality and oneness to and as life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the the knowledge and information in and as my mind, that is an echo of the present system manifest on earth, is a lack of common sense of self as life, as same substance that is the composition of all life on earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the consumerism system is composed of limited values that disregard the physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that believing that I have affinities to certain things, as other humans, instead of looking here and realizing the expression of life in all things as the physical is the expression of life, is myself in separation from equality and oneness to the physical world here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when I gravitate towards something, as another person, I am in effect following what sounds like my own accepted and allowed values, as moving towards what “ sounds” as I am, what is energetically of same “ drone” of belief, opinion and idea, where the manners of the person move in specific ways, of which I compare to my own accepted and allowed manners, and thus am I following what is of like mannerism, not seeing realizing and understanding that the very movements of myself here as the physical is a collection of beliefs as values I have accepted and allowed, built according to class and race, gender and nationality, all not good or bad, yet built in separation from equality and oneness, acceptance and allowance, of respect and consideration for all of the actual physical world that is me, and example of which, was that when I was in Europe, when I lived there, in the tourist season I constantly had Dutch people walking up to me and speaking Dutch to me, and I would look at them and say that I did not speak Dutch that I was not Dutch, and the Dutch person would react in surprise and say but you look Dutch, which makes sense within my family, because my father came to America from Metz, and my mother came to America from Germany near the Dutch border, thus the past is embedded within the manners I exist as , as what was sensed and imitated from my parents as a child in the first seven years of my life, and thus i am a product of generations of collected beliefs, opinions and ideas that are of separation from equality and oneness to and as the physical, all a separation from being equal and one to and as the actual physical world, a separation from practical common sense of the physical, directly, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I am a product of a system of separation, which as an accepted and allowed separation from the physical world, a world as a system that functions in one-dimensional living, as the beacon of the mind is a map of limited imprint, which is not good or bad, simply a selection of values then followed as what is real, creating a bubble of separation from what is real , from what sustains us as the physical world, thus consciousness is our separation, our inferiority to and as life, the gift given, to be an expression of life, the gift as the actual physical world, to become equal and one to and as creation of the expression of life as the physical, which is the only way to becoming equal and one in expression as life, here.

I commit myself to when and as I see and realize a dis-ease with  here, within and without, to stop and to breath and to slow myself down, as reaction, as a sense of vertigo, and I bring myself back here, into and as a state of ease with and as breath, and I look at the separation manifest as loss of self esteem, as a voice of blame and spite, as bitterness, as victimhood, as jealousy, as envy, as self pity,  all of which are judgement, an act of comparison, as being myself within limitation, and I direct from here, I follow through within and as the principle of what is best for all, I no longer accept and allowed an end game as idea as knowledge and information only without practical application, I bring all thought, my accepted and allowed map, into and as what is best for all, here, as this is the only choice, to be equal and one to and as the physical here, which will take practice and time, as the separations have become habits of survival, and thus must be deconstructed , seen and realized as separations, and brought back into an expression of life, equal and one.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that  the separations must be forgiven, which will then allow myself to stabilize in and as breath, to stop, slow down, the storm of the mind, and the reactions as emotions and feelings, the collection of beliefs, as a survival suit, the feelings being the good, to hide the separation as the limitation as the “ bad” as a value of one thing being more than another, where the feelings are the intensification of the bad into being considered a positive, which is really a justification for accepting and allowing the judgement of more than and less than, a resistance, a  pushing away into the conformity behavior , where common sense is suppressed, causing dis-ease with and as life, as the present system is life in reverse within a system of limitation, inequality, manifest as what exists on earth with the amount of abuse to the physical world, the behaviors of which are visible in the news, of which consciousness, if allowed, ignores, as consciousness is a tool being used as a mechanism of separation from equality and oneness to and as life, here.

I commit myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that since I have followed the map of limited values as consciousness as mind,  if I try to “hold” the perception of space here in and as myself, even down to being able to have the strength to hold tension and then releasing this tension in and as my physical body, it takes an effort, as my ability to hold and sense the physical world has not been developed as all I have done is followed a map, where i become myopic in clinging to one point at a time, as I as an instrument of life, have practiced separation, and limited common sense, thus the development of myself in using common sense will take time, as it took seven years to build enough beliefs, opinions and ideas, as images of my environment of a system of separation into a grid of inequality, that it will take time to deconstruct my own separation as what I learned from generations of such accepted and allowed behaviors unequal to the physical, to life, in totality.

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• Day 378 Self Forgiveness of the unknown.
• 375 Paranoia of the unKNOWN Self Forgiveness Thought
• Day 383 The Paranoia of the Unknown: The illusion of ONE hand before our Eyes
• Day 372 Heaven was a lesser dimension, the mind is the sound of your separation.
• Day 374 The paranoia of the unKNOWN cont.
• Day 380 Self Commitments, Paranoia of the unknown