Romanticizing a relationship Day 761

It is interesting how I am drawn to look at certain things, while at the same time not seeing what is right in front of me that I am telling myself. 

What I have been focused on is processing speeds, as being able to do the math, within the patterns as words, that describe, lol de-scribe , the focus of myself.  I can’t see what is in plain sight, as I am so focused on the pictures and the story that there is not reflection within the whole, as this living reality.

I am a series of relationships, as values, that I hold, to project an idea, which is how the mind works as a web of separation from this practical and physical reality. That is just it. This point that the relationship of values, is the composition of who and what I am as a persona, just as creation is a relationship of values, and just as another as the same, is a relationship of values. Just as I have focused on the constructs of words, and just a s a soap opera is built, so is this the same in what is here, whether in division or in equality to what is real, as the physical. Therefor, I am focusing on an innate understanding of this, taking it apart, and yet not seeing the forest through the trees. On one level, what I am drawn to, is exposing what I am realizing, yet I have gotten so caught up in the idea only. This causes anxiety, as though I am juggling and the balls are getting ahead of me, because I have not remained grounded. 

I also realize that listening to others is very important, to see the patterns, as a math, as a series of relationships that build what I call a scream that is ultimately a longing to be whole. I remember being 12 and being obsessed with this. I wanted to understand the scream, so it is a theme I carry with me, that can also become a distraction, as it is a relationship between values that I have allowed myself to hold. I believe this is probably true of everyone, if they make the choice to look, as the means of separation from being focused and present in the practical is the same. In the stories of information as a series of relationships is both the longing for self and the sequences that separate the self from the real presence of self in awareness, as a focused respect of life, as the physical. 

To jump here, to remembering the death of my husband, I relive the sadness of this, remembering that a part of me thought that a great beauty was lost in his death. And, at the same time the impossibility of realizing why this was not lived. How could this come to  be extinguished? Since this was what I was projecting, this was really myself. What I projected outward was what I was seeing within myself. And to note, that the support of the people around me, after his death, were, to me, these words that did not describe the whole picture. I got to the point where I did not want any pity, and I dd not want to hear supportive statements of regret because they were in no way solving the problem. 

When I allow only the thoughts of and as ‘ there being a great beauty’ and ‘ it is impossible’ to realize this, to sort this out, there is also the voice within me, for as long as I can remember as ‘ NO, this cannot be so.”  My family made fun of this part of me, that person that did not have the answer yet often said in frustration, that what was accepted simply could not be so. I, after all these years on this planet, simply will not give up. 

I can focus on these inner billboard signs as idea, and use them like a life jacket, in a moment, yet the motivation of and as “ this cannot be so’ as the positive, and the negative sense as a form that this is impossible, and that a beauty has been lost as a superiority of and as a good, are forms that can take my focus, and distract me from being simple and normal and present in this reality. This is what and how a mind consciousness works. It is a math, as a sequence of forms as beliefs, opinions and ideas that can become a thing, better known as an idol, that distract from being present and in equality to life. Meaning, one is so present, one has no value judgements, one is practical and in focus on the life. One is in a relationship with all things, understanding their expression in form and function. It is really very simple. The mind exists within stories of good and bad, right and wrong, rise and fall, protagonist and antagonist, antecedent and consequence. Limited, narrowly framed, bound. Nothing to do with balance of sound in form and function. This demands seeing towards creation.  Look at ordering something, it is merely placing things into an order. 

In all, this persona of and as these things, is myself focusing on a lack, and not being here - really listening to this reality. To accept the physical as reality, this life, in expression, would mean I would have no fear of death, because in essence, being here, with this reality as life in expression would mean that there really is no death. It just means listening to here, moving with and as here, as the physical.

What does it mean to really know one's words Day 751

This morning I woke up and went into an imaginative doom and gloom scenario. I caught it and stopped, breathed, and looked at it. It was a presence behind me, I noticed how I leaned slightly forward physically. Then it hit me. It was like a tree of fear, composed of revenge, and worst case scenarios. My deep mind shadow state of being, with a consequence of no real presence and acknowledgement of the living reality around me.

Last night I had interacted with a  group of people. There were a couple who had a lot of ticks, physical kinks in a way. They had a hard time maintaining a consistent eye contact. One started to tell me of a marriage that was at least 34 years ago.  I can remain calm in this, yet I could say that before SF and SC and writing, I would have wanted to run from the room, not realizing what I was seeing, and absorbing it more, like a friction, a resonant friction that was too hard to bear. Myself wanting escape. At present, I have greater stability, and can hear this, and listen to such storms, even within myself and call them out by name, these trees of fear, these veins of fear, of a mis-take of life. All of them a math, as an accumulation of ideas, beliefs and opinions.  What would I be if I had created a tree of life within me, as me? A tree that reciprocated the living physical reality around me? Would I be more in synch with creation? It is not a question of would, it is a question of why I wouldn’t be, as it is common sense. 

It is interesting within the system, as I have just done my taxes. I have been doing them myself for a while. It is interesting to see the machinations of the system as it bullies and forces what feeds a few instead of what is best for all. At this point, if one does not abide by a one-size-fits-all-petro-chemcial based health care, and one opts out for some ‘ religious’ group, as a philosophical exemption has basically been removed behind some closed door, where no one in the state on all the levels seems to take responsibility and only passes it around,  that if one opts out, under the guise of religion, one is also making the choice to opt out of social security- that system of retirement, where the labor of men, collectively pool their digits for their labor into a system for retirement. If one opts out of health insurance, which has the layer of being under some religious belief ( like human fetal cells in vaccines) one also opts out of social security. I bet one must still continue to pay for it, from one’s job. How we cannot see the inherent corruption, the blatant corruption within this construct and stand up, really astounds me.  Also, there must be others that see this, because years ago, a bill was brought into the state senate for the choice of emergency health insurance only, which means that many people in this state worked together to not participate in allopathic medicine. Thus this method, that many are not wanting to participate within, and it is known,  make the choice to use it in extreme emergencies, yet opt out in the long term. What the system has done, that system of supposed care, is brought forward a construct that is being bullied and forced.  This is so corrupt it is astounding that the collective does not stand up and say no. Yet, there are many that must be doing so, because the forcing of this, is in deed a recognition that many are very aware of this. It is also interesting to note, that the CDC is supposedly bringing forward statements that the science behind their choices, is closed. This in itself is astounding. It is the reaction of being placed in a corner, which means that many are, again, in deed, speaking up and questioning what is being accepted for the collective. Unless there is the choice of balance, and no harm then the science is not yet sound. It is as simple as that. If we can understand how to develop a healthy race horse, and know what builds a healthy nutrient dense plant, then we know how we work on a basic level. I mean, we know what elements to pull from the ground to build things. A cook knows the most subtle of things to cook something. A mechanic knows all the parts and the fluids used in an engine. To say we cannot understand the body, the human body, is simply a misnomer. Choosing a belief in a lack in one area, and being common sense in another, breeds questions, and those questions are being asked, as the reaction of protection done with force and limited choices, reflects a push back on what is proposed. This should lend courage to everyone. It is time to be brave with consistency. It is a time to build a tree of real investigation and understanding, as too many children are suffering the consequences. Not to mention the animals and the living environment. 

Overall, my own ‘ tree ‘, accepted and allowed, of fear, of non real substantiation of life, of the practical, is the same. It is a focus on lack, a denial of common sense. The common sense all around me, and around all of us as the physical world. Of course, the solution is to rebuild. It is to build a tree of life within and as me. It is to stand as the practical, to realize the resonant seed of and as me as life. It is to see all the layers that build into what manifests as physical ‘ ticks’ that I could say are suppressions of mis-takes in understanding how all of this works.  It is to realize that the mis-takes, cannot define me unless I allow them, and that I can stand and listen, and recompose, resolving the fears, bringing them into the practical. It is to realize, as many are, that the physical world is abundant with provisions to stabilize the physical, in symbiotic ways,  creating a orchestra of balance as the sound of what does no harm, as this is the sound of creation, and our real ability. It is to forgive the fear, and to stand with what is balanced and substantive. This can be done, with words. We can, because it is what and who we really are, stand and hold the words that build a tree of life. It is our real birthright. What is so awesome is that we are the very means, and design to be and do this, and that this is more natural than the tree of fear, that tree that weighs us down, pulling our chests forward, that very chest, the means to lend compassion and patience and calm, and respect for who and what we really are. 

A musician that has mastered an instrument is understood as ‘ no longer having to think about it’, meaning, one does not hear them thinking. This has a quality of flow to it, such a mastery, I would suppose, is similar in athletics. If someone mastered their words, the same would happen, meaning, one would restore a direct seeing, and voice what was real, without hearing the weight of thinking. It is in a way, as I surmise in this moment,  like using words to describe this world, this living reality, the one in plain sight.  It would be communicating with and as this actual, real, tangible physical world surrounding us, the one producing the air we breath.  In this, words are of course, not that thing they describe, I want to say, in some ways they are a movement of conception, or a fine tuning.  Humans must master the very sounds as words we speak.  I mean, listen to the birds, they appear to me, to be so specific in what they sound.  Is speaking in clarity absent of any forcing, and present in what is a more stable, and eternal, focused sound? Is it more of a playfulness? Need one exist as fear within this state of musing?  Should one not speak for attention and more for bringing forth the beauty of clarity? When one has the opportunity to hear a musician that has mastered an instrument to such a degree that there is no thinking being heard, it is a pleasure, as it is so in tune, so present, it catches all one’s attention, and yet it does not demand attention.  It is also, from my humble experience, a state of greater ease,  because humans are anxious when they are uncertain, and happy when they are present, focused and balanced. Balanced with and towards what? The physical, the living reality in plain sight. 

Thank you for reading! 

Moving into Fear and Losing Potential Day 741

Moving into fear and losing potential

Where is that point of movement, a sound movement in a way, where I move into resistance, instead of solution?

I can realize when I move into comparison, blame and spite, all of which is fear, as this is moving into protection instead of a harmonium of balance, remaining focused on myself here as what and who I am as a physical human being in a physical planet. I can notice where I move into seeing events of the past that I have allowed to define me, the cultural background based on environments and social structures that were ideas, made ritual, utilizing how things are built as a repetition in sound, as words, as pictures, creating a melody within of which movement against caused conflict, and I feared for my survival, allowing myself to fall into an illusion projected onto reality, as the physical. I became a one sided conversation and no longer conversed with what is real, the physical. To restore a natural presence, means to recognize what I have allowed to direct me as information, and refocus this in reality, remaining present, or within a presence of this reality, acknowledging that I allowed myself to become at-most-sphere, instead of being a part of this real event called life all around me. 

In practice, in the practical, I am water and substances that can remain in balance and flow as who and what I am, I need not compare myself to others as they are the same as me, they are another means of perspective, a conversation of this orchestra, cross referencing perspective builds a greater awareness of the whole.  This means direct interaction and that careful walking from the grass roots up, from the ground up, eventually reconnecting the parts to realize the sum of the parts create the whole. Bubbles of belief separate from the practical, as a mind consciousness system of a story of a sequence of events being resonant instead of a reflection of what is here, as the physical,  is what is sounded on the media stage instead of information that educes a greater awareness of this physical reality in and as how this reality actually functions. Human rights outlines stand more in accord with what we are, realizing each being needs the basics to function. Instead we trade information as ideas, beliefs and opinions in separation from the practical, from a common sense of the whole, as what and who we are. 

I can sense when and as I move into fear, and realize that because I have allowed myself to exist within fear, that I have little practice in being and remaining present, being thankful when a perspective is sounded, as shared, that is not something I had real-eyed in focus, in recognition, in-sight. I can become the model of standing as this, accepting mistakes because of habits allowed within in discord of the practical, I can be thankful within opportunities of discord to balance and sort out, of which, when a starting point of practice, can build momentum and lend a more rapid ability to process and hear here to then reflect here with and as what I speak, as what I sound, as the very instrument that is me as a human being on a physical planet. I can transpose what is around me, remaining consistent, constant, grateful , always remembering the silence is there for me to reflect the potential of life, to reform, to interact, to place my feet on this ground, and build from the ground us because this is the gift given of where and who I am, as a physical beingness on a physical planet. I have the  capacity to hARM- o - neighs  myself here, in common sense of what is the same as me, to speak in tune with reality, to become the insight of words reflecting what is here, and thus realize what is more natural, which is to sing/speak in tune with here. 

One thing I learned, or experienced in this life is how important is the small, as a sense of presence that I can direct in the smallest of movements. When realizing the smallest of things as a stabilizing point , it is easier to then move into the greater construct of the small, as the parts of  as much a part of the whole as is the whole a composition of the parts of the small. Thus, I must not fear the small. In this case the very words that I speak. To master this within myself, and to not fear this, to realize this is not a thing controlled by anyone but myself, lends great discovery in myself being able to become the directive capacity of myself.  I can become an instrument that sings with this reality.  

Just as I accumulate through practice, which is a kind of consistent recognition, I can become a seed of this, standing as this, building in the very fabric of this existence the means towards this, moving like the growth of a tree, spreading veins of this into what is here, until enough momentum is built that the fruits of what is laid-bare as my labor, is recognized within and as a kind of awakening in self awareness here, back into this physical reality being the expression of life information. 

What joy and connection would that be in living practice? In real communion with and as a recognition of who and what we are as human beings, breathing and real=eyezing creation right here? What joy to realize connection, to lend what is freeing and giving of capacity inherent in who and what we are? Would there exist one-sided conversations? Would there be rushing or would there be the joy of the small, the joy of real connection, where each could become self directive here, being thankful for what and who we are in physical presence? 

The rush and narrow read of greed, does not recognize the reed through which the sound of fear rushes through, seeking a quick fix and in so doing missing an experience of real connection , a living connection. Fear is in-stead of the ignorance inherent in a one-sided conversation. A  limited conversation reflects the con of greed, the rush of hope alone, or a faith without the experience of living the practical and small necessary building of a real command ability.  In step with life a seed of presence must be built, to become that tree of deep rooted stability, harmonious with this that is us, physical being as who and what we are, as creation information. This must be sounded, the sounds mastered. Mastery means a practice of recognition of the notes and how they form the narratives that frame and direct presence , that pre-science , that precious sigh of breath able to reflect recognition of the formation of this life, this physical world that is creation, right here. 

Words are a thing, they are a sound thing, a piece of sound. They are a narrative that when believed to be more real than the physical, separate awareness. Yet, words are a means of building a sound picture that is in accord with this physical reality. A means of recognition with this physical and practical reality. The space of silence surrounds the words I speak, therefor there is the space to see the time of narrative, and to relate a conversation to living physical information as creation, right here. We can therefor sentence ourselves to a state of separation from here, or use what we sound to sound the chord of this physical reality, directing as who and what we are, to become equal and one with this life information that is the same as us, as it is what and who we are. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to resist recognition of what and what I am as the very words I speak here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing the fabric of a conversation in separation from being in a chord with and as life, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize all that is here his the same as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear what is sounded, to resist, to compare, to reject,  instead of playing with, realizing I can change, and process and investigate and assess form here, and enjoy the awesomeness of the small, as the space is here, all around me, to sense and realize potential as that which recognizes all things and senses balance and harmony into what does no harm, as I am life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe a self created and accepted narrative in separation from recognizing this living reality as the physical that is life in expresison here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand what I form as the words I speak, that can become a series of events in protection and defense, in fear of standing equal and one to here, as this living reality, that is physical, as I am the means and the instrument able to recognize here, to be cognizant of here, as the space of potential as silence as a starting point of and as the very means of who and what I am as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear silence, to fear space, to fear recognizing here, as myself,  as I feared letting go of a false narrative as an experience of a mis-use of who and what I am, as what I sound as what I speak,  in and as allowing a starting point of self interest, out of step with a practice of recognition of and as a respect to and towards this physical world,  of which an underlying silence allowing a perpetual recognition of the potency of the physical as life, and the constant realization of realizing what does no harm here. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to reject being present and respectful of this reality, and instead following a false and energetic sequence of events as a narrative inconsiderate of all things, as the practical and basic needs of what it means to be physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how adaptable I am, within and as what I form as the words I speak and how as what I am, I can remain within the heart of me, as who I am as life, and the tiers of this reality so auditory around me, if I slow down and list- them to recognize and respect all that is the same as me here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be in terror of here, and within this to real-eyes that the tiers of physical beingness are sounding here, audible here, thus can I turn an accepted and allowed inner seed of events built in fear of myself as life, into a recognition of the tiers sounding practical and physical reality, here. 

When and as I find myself in fear, in resistance, in separation, in comparison, in not living the potential of me, as who and what I am, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I recognize the physical, to list-en to what is here, to tune into here, to utilize the space of here, to see realize and stand equal and one to the awesomeness of life information as creation sounding all around me as the  physical. 

When and as I find myself being in terror of here, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and listen, to hear the tiers of form here, as the physical, to change from being in terror of here, protecting a territory of and as idea, belief and opinion, of and as who and what I am, and I forgive this, and recognize myself to the physical, hearing the tiers of creation, allowing and accepting being present here, moving into being in tune with the practical physical formation of creation, here, that is the same as me, and I enjoy working with the smallest of things as the words I sound, to ensure a constant and steady practice of respecting as recognizing all things, to move from reaction as being terrified, into seeing directly here the tiers of reality audible around me, thus is a desire for a territory in survival  transposed into a recognition of the tiers , as the order of the physical, rite/right  or/hear/audible/formed here before me as the physical with myself the same, as what is here is me.

Time frames of the mind Day 705

As we become what we practice, because we place our presence, our ability to sense a frame, a measure of time, a distance, a movement to do something, or order something, to sense its order.  Within this we essentially all learn the same way. 

We forget that our habits can become titles such as ‘ I am a visual learner’ which is secondary, and reveals more what movements and means and habits we have created, in a frame of time, as a structure that we then define ourselves as. We believe that the frame existed as what we define ourselves as, when that frame came after. Even though some of it was impulsed and passed down resonantly, in DNA, that seed of information. Or, because we in a sense, absorb so well, we absorb the measure, the morality of our parents. This is why religion is in the format that it is. It is structure, one must just question the structure, which is done through words and parables, or metaphors, the more one knows and can speak, on a soap box/podium/stage the more ‘ wise’ one appears. Key word: appears- in that bubble- away from the practical.

 The generations before us realized this, yet placed it in a metaphysical environment, as religion, within such statements as ‘ the sins of the fathers last for seven generations’  This is a truth that is right in front of us, yet it is connected to a threat of not getting into heaven- another televised vision, that matrix of energy that once the plug is pulled cannot withstand the test of longevity and was really the manifestation of our collective dissonance from real living, which is what bringing heaven to earth was all about. All practical. No Mumbo Jumbo! the real cells of life, are the physical things all around us. Science discovers this more and more every day. 

I make such statements again and again, because it is the means to the end. It is a mirage of separation, what we carry around in our heads, it is what was not grounded in practical reality, it is a within that is not equal to a without, it is why the child becomes all the faults of the parent. 

And so, the time frame of separation continues. This leads to a structural violence, prevalent in that life on the other side of the world whose time frame we ignore , or dare not to fathom, because it means we must realize how entrenched we are in our own individual time frames. It shows how much we fear being self honest. And yet, we see it, unless we are so far gone that we choose a very narrow existence, away from anything that counters our own time frames.

These time frames become reels of information, that bind us away from real living and real transformation. We become heavy with the rage of our own time frames, losing all spatial sense of reality, this physical existence. It begins with a tiny movement, that presence making a choice of using visuals, or kinesthetic learning, or what ever label one chooses. These are really justifications for not changing, and the screaming of limitation, to not become responsible.

The scream of limitation can manifest as voices running in the head, eating off the flesh.  If one’s back tempo of chat/ of voices/ of what one hides, are of comparison, one is jealous and competitive, comparing the smallest of things ( again revealing capacity of absorbing and understanding so much detail and measure- only misplaced with charged value judgements) within a relationship of survival and a feel good within an idea, or belief, that one is better. Sometimes it goes the other way, and one makes the judgement that one is less, hopeless, worthless. The measure, the song, the voice, that state is there, in the words, on one’s conception. It all becomes visible, as one speaks on parables/metaphors/value judgements silent or voiced, it is projected within or without, and it stems from the sea of potential within, as that starting point of creation, that begins with a movement. A very cool gift, it all depends on what one does with this, what one accepts and allows. The choices we make can do no harm, and can throw no one under the bus. 

Then, if one’s job/livelihood/MO is dependent on the limited structure of such belief, making a change is a threat to one’s existence, even at the expense of suppressing the real potential of another person within, especially a child. For this there is no greater crime, it is worse than anything any person in history has done, and it perpetuates the burden of seeded/noted information that is not what is best for those generations to come. All because I, or one, as the self, is not willing to stand up and speak of what is right here in front of us. We have become what we do, watch movies and entertainment running on reels - time frames of limited perspective. We are allowing this within. The moment one realizes that one has not heard what another person has said, is the moment one can live the extent of this of which I speak. I have to forgive myself all the time and ask another to please repeat what they have said. And, each of us are going to have to do this a lot, because this has been going on for a very very very long time. 

I can ask myself if i remember what I did yesterday. I can ask myself why I did not hear what another person said in a moment. I can ask myself why I cannot remember so many details about another life, a life I had with children in another country. I can ask myself why I have no sense of why when I wake a walk around the same island, that though I notice the plants are different every year, I cannot say why they are different, i have never used that great absorbent ability to sense why there are constant changes in the environment in which I live. It is because my presence is not here, it is up in a metaphysical construct, or lol, I wrote contract, of time frames, a morality, That I accepted and allowed, starting as a child, in a world that was of a society of men, in separation from creation. Walking back is a bitch, yet to hold the value of life within and as me, to become equal and one with and as it, is to live creation, to connect with the plants and the animals, first I must understand my own separation and the characteristics of that separation, and words and the processing and holding of numbers and words can help me to sort myself out, this and forgiving the time frames of limited values I have defined myself within and as. 

Also, the greater understanding I have of the money system, the greater understanding I have of the control mechanisms existent as the system on earth, I say ON EARTH because it is a construct that is not aligned with creation. It through control builds the survival game that is a busyness in a narrow focus. It is the outward manifestation of what each has accepted and allowed.  It uses the natural law in its own interest, the acceptance of a few determining what we thing, what we eat, and how we manage our health. None of it is working, thus it is time to become equal and one to the framework of the physical world, as it is life manifest, it is the real symbol. It is a living symbol.

When we can begin to hear the grass grow, then can we begin to work together and build heaven on earth. We have to get ourselves back to the real potential of who and what we are.  It is time to stand and accept only what does no harm, accept only what respects this earth, accept only that which is of no lie, meaning leaves no burden of justification, because it gives as we would receive, that which empowers each to see directly here. This means to process the information of life, which is physical. What we resist persists, what we ignore becomes an elephant in the room.  What we deny comes back to haunt us, and builds fire walls that consume our attention to such an extent, we leave this earth barely being able to walk because we have lost all spatial sense of what is real, the physical world. 

Day 695 The allowance of self discovery.

The allowance of self discovery.

In slowing down and learning to listen, I realized a point in building relationships with others. It is also a relationship with myself. I slow down and  listen to what thoughts, opinions and ideas accumulate and are allowed that then define experience.

In this, listening to another is to bring self discovery forward. It is seeing what is here, as this physical world, and living the value being life. The means is to define one’s words as a starting point, to ensure that everyone is of equal measure in understanding. 

Within this, if I react within wanting acknowledgement for information I am already acting superior, and creating a state of inferiority and control of information. I am  racing ahead within this desire for acknowledgement. I am abdicating my presence to here, in effect.  I am allowing  information to become more than the value being understanding a clear measure that lends self responsibility. 

Why? Because the physical world is given, it is us, it is right here, and it reveals by its nature, freely, its own form and function. In other words its measure is right here in front of us. The only quest in this regard is to discover the physical for oneself. No one can be that discovery but one’s self. 

Listening to another person is a lot like listening to one’s self, as each is a measure of values accepted and allowed as how one defines what has been discovered in their world, or resistances towards understanding the simple, what is the same in everyone, and that is that we are physical beings on a physical planet.  After all, words are esoteric by design. Words reflect one’s accepted measure within. Only self can change this.

Day 679 Opening the Chest To Heaven on Earth.

At the moment I read books where I realize there are comparisons that appear to spin in  a contradiction, making some things within the association have meaning that is not at all clear. Defining the words and making sense out of a spin as an idea, means speaking up and pointing out the discrepancies.  It is a process of defining the parts , which is defining the words, and aligning them with practical reality. I can see where a child would meet with more of the same spin even if they tried to catch all the words and the sounds and align them, having to work with the words and order them and then speak up. This design would be very difficult for any child.

For this reason we cannot really blame anyone, we can only go back, and sort out the layers of information ourselves. And the information is in every move we make, in every word we speak, in every thought we have moving through our conscious minds, as this is a reflection of the measure of what we have accepted and allowed; we personify what we believed, we personify our stories that are based on the past of ourselves and those that came before us. We are the creators of what is here as the present system. 

We can decompose this and equalize ourselves to the physical world, respecting it as the same as us, as the starting point and build heaven on earth. It would be like being born into heaven, removing the gap of separation from being equal to creation as the physical. We can remove the suffering and the belief that holds it in place that we learn through suffering.  Suffering is really just that baby missing a step, to then right themselves and move into walking. We have aggrandized the fall, and built a religion around it. That is the illusion. 

Within myself I can move into joy, the joy of expression of life, through breathing, through slowing down, through walking through the layers of the information that is the personality I live in every moment, so visible and so forgivable, to ground myself here, equal and one within breathing-in with a presence of myself here, and taking the time to sort out the information so that I am clear in respecting this real actual physical world around me. I need not fear the confusion, as the information of survival in separation from who I really am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hate myself for participating in limited knowledge and information.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to rush, through my chest area, in an excitement that is a fear, and a desire to understand, and yet even within this initial drive, from my hard drive, as my breath and presence here, to see realize and understand that as a young child sorting this out with a cross reference, would have been very difficult, within using the code as words to order, which I probably did not yet have enough of and as within me, to do so.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel depressed within and as this, as a sense that I am pressing down on myself from my eyes and the back of my head.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that even in high school I could see that I was doing this, moving into the story around me, via the voicings of the people around me, to get along and go along. where as I walked up to the group, I took a breath, and stood with the story, imitating it, to be able to participate.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that wanting to participate made it all okay.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move within and as my chest area, in a kind of rushing, upward-like to stand in a construct of information in order to participate in the world around me, as though this upward thrust within and as my chest area,  was me stepping into a survival suit, where this took a huge effort, because this was myself suppressing myself in fear of facing the storm of the personality of and as this in others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that within and as my eye area, there is this sense of pity, like a ‘ I am sorriness’ which is really a sense of suppression to only see limited values as I choose information to direct myself in an effort to get along and go along as somewhere in my past I believed sorting things out was not possible.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my shame is a sense of futility where I sink in and as my chest area, as what I expected within self directing in limited knowledge and information of ideological values,  as somehow this was not moving into expectations in a narrow focus or in a sense of reaching mutual clarity, as though somehow I realized the connection was not sound, stable, clear and within this I accepted less than believing it would be sorted out at some point not seeing realizing and understanding that deconstruction and reconstruction takes time and equal participation from a separation as a starting point.

Thus,

When and as I find myself ‘ pushing myself up’ as a movement within and as my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I assess the measure of personification I have accepted and allowed within and as me, remaining in breath and grounded, and walk, in respect of this real physical world that is the information of life in expression, here, as this is me, and this is recognizing the means of myself as life here into eternity.

When and as I find myself approaching another, within and as ‘ lifting myself up’ within and as my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I asses how I am, as a measure of belief, opinions and ideas, directing myself as though I am moving into limited and separated knowledge and information to self direct, and I sense the suppression of being present, and I ground myself here, until the pressure building in and as my chest area beings to clear, realizing that I can listen, and understand and practice directing in ways that bring an intimacy as a clearness in being present here, a presence that senses racing in values, and ignoring the ease of being grounded here,  as much as I am able to remove the view of ideas, beliefs and opinions I have accepted and allowed to define me.

When and as I find myself moving within and as rising up in my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I no longer allow myself to suppress myself into only moving as knowledge and information as a measure of values, as I assess what I have accepted and allowed, and what is the movement around me, and the physical, until I become the practice of understanding within and as what allows an absence of suppression and racing into a projection of an end goal as the self interest I accepted, and instead enlightens myself into ease and clarity, calm and stability here, as that which is equal and one to here, the physical to realize in thought word and deed heaven on earth.

Day 663 A self divided upon itself.

Today I had a meeting, and it seemed I could hold so much of it in one consistent form. It is an interesting thing, self discovery, because it is normal, it is practical, it is here. The chaos of a memory that has been allowed to become bigger than reality is the problem. The solution is to realize correct action, or perfect practice. This means, as the answer is in the above words, that the within, as the memory of experience, must be equal to what builds that memory, which is the physical world around  us. Yet, chaos makes simplicity something buried under the uncertainty of imbalance.

This morning I looked at the word evil and evolve and live. I suddenly looked at the ‘e’ as a circle divided unto itself.  It is like the top of the ‘e’ is one piece, yet the bottom of the ‘ e’ is bursting at the seams.  This is like a world upside down, where the within is of a greater measure/focus that what is real, as the physical, that physical, that which the information as the memory informs itself!

I mean, why do so many parents assess the friends of their children? Why do they resist some children over others? Why do we not see that the wicked witch in the woods is Cinderella in another life? Why do we not realize that our monetary system holds ideas of what is more based on a metaphysical ideology? Why do we not realize that all those indigenous people’s language is information about the environment in which they lived? Why do we not realize that our physical bodies are a system that can sustain itself whereas our technology, that is not a bad and can be used to help us help ourselves, cannot self sustain?

Do we realize our actions of an inflated memory are not considering reality as the events surrounding us make so visible as a structure that divides unto itself? 

Can we see that the solution is to rebuild a structure that moves from problem into solution, reversing reactions as the consequence of problems, correcting imbalances as providing the basic needs a physical life requires to reach the potential inherent in the design?

I/we must begin to direct ourselves within a principle of what is best for all, as this is what is best for us. We can close a circle divided unto itself through respecting all life, assessing all things, valuing them as life, and ground ourselves back into real living. Thus will the machine as our physical expressions of life fill with the sum of all parts, creating a world that resonates life. Like a renaissance, a more transformative revolution, taking that which is good and does no harm as this is the MO of creation. This is the real stewardship of men on earth. This is real love, where the parts as the ‘I’ and the ‘O’  become greater than a self divided unto itself.  Each one/1 standing  as oneness/O and equality is greater/> than each divided unto itself as life. l+O > e

Day 574 How did I remove negativity from my life?

I realized that we live in a practical physical world. I realized that the thoughts I have are of opinion, idea and belief. I learned that these thoughts are often a judgement, in itself not a good or a bad, but when allowed to be a final definition in a physical existence, a limitation, and that allowing of limitation being a behavior of resistance and a fear to change, which overall is rejecting this world around me, this world that is life in expression.

I realized that what another thinks, cannot define me unless I accept and allow it. I realized that what another thinks, is a thought about what is here as life, a thought that one thing can somehow be more than another, when a cup, for all practical purposes, is a cup. That some people are tall, and some are short, that a dog is a dog, that what is here as a form has a function that reveals its nature more than any idea about a thing.

I realized that the arguing of limitations are all based on ideas, opinions and beliefs. I realized that this thinking has communicated a system that is the likeness of this limitation, and that this has been accepted by men to be what is real, when it is not. Yet, this started with each of us, within each of us, as we believed we are defined by ideas instead of what is physically here as life. I realized that the thoughts of another, are composed of the parts of what exists, as the qualities that describ the actual physical world. I realized that what is negative is the lag that I accept as belief that is what mind is and does.

I realized that I am negativity when I force an idea on another without cross referencing practical reality. I realized that what is real, is myself as the very matter of beingness here, in expression.

I realize that an idea about what I am, is not the same as being here, practically with physical matter. When I allow idea before matter/physical, without cross reference and undersanding that matter is built of what I allow, and that what I allow must only be what is best for all, because what I am is dependent on all of the physical, as I am a part of a whole, of which the whole is who I am as I am the very substance of life, so I cannot lose anything. What I believe I am losing is only a thought in and as my mind, and it is a letting go of one idea and moving into another a reflection only, and that this is mind, and that I have been only looking at shadows on a wall, a techno colored wall of shadow that is the mind. When the mind as shadows directs me, defines me, and I move as this limitation without reference to here as the physical, I cause consequences that consume me as I get caught up in putting out the fires ignited by lack of respect for existence as the physical world.

I realize that I have allowed the projection of myself as mind, an abstract of the physical, built of the physical image, to define me, where I reject qualities and push them away, creating a negative as I want my idea to become a positive, as an accepted and validated image and likeness that I desire for myself. I realize that I am overall, a negative, a destructive force in existing as a projection of one thing being more than another as I walk in comstant mis-association as self definition composed of ideas, and beliefs and opinions, as thought that accumulated as I allow them to spin and generate an emotional feeling body that I then call my intuition, all of which is an entity that is in separation from practical physical reality. I then allow this limited value system to define me, and I am then lost in negatives and positives, composed of ideas, accumulating into a limited character. So, I accept and self forgive these self definitions as thoughts, and I realize that my emotional/feeling body is my past of value creation to define me based on my exposure without consideration of the whole world around me. This is myself accepting the negative and the positive and bringing this back down to practical reality, here.

This is how, I rebuild, through self forgiveness and self corrective application, done in writing to place my creation of separation, a negative to run from and a positive to define me, an act that is an ignorance of practical reality overall. As this I forgve the negative as the fear of simply being here, and accept what is here, and build self trust, which is an ease in moving myself here. In essence, I became a practivist, because as this, here is not negative, there is the acceptance of the gift of life, and the practical means to direct in respect of this life here that is physical.

Day 546 The clock work of my emotions.

I remember in my forties that I would inevitably go into a reactive angry emotion the day before my period. Now, I have had my period every month, like clock work, never missing this unless I was pregnant. I am a perfect text-book in terms of this feminine cycle. Never missed, always every 30 or so days.

So, what i noticed mostly was that this righteousness would begin to build and then suddenly come out the day before the period. I started to be able to notice it mid-storm and then simply stop, often apologize and state “ oh no!” what day is it? Oh!”

I got better at realizing that this was happening and not let outbursts happen. I think that had I been taught about how emotions move, and build and erupt, from childhood, then the long slow process of learning this through paying attention to patterns, would not have taken 40 years. I mean, what a waste.

If we are angry and reactive, it is not the calm directive of simply looking at what is here and moving into solutions, which is the only way to live practically, because we all realize that reacting and allowing behaviors of blame and spite take up a lot of time, cause more reactions and are not actually seeing directly at what is here and directing. One is an emotional reactive movement and the other is more a sound mind - so to speak.

I have a situation at present that needs to be resolved and it’s taking some time. This is also due to the present bureaucratic system. What I find is that I am second guessing what is going on, and imagining all manner of outcomes. Then I notice I start to become righteous about the injustice as the story built within my imaginations that are all gloom and doom, and what if’s. Which may be true or not true, but thinking about them, second guessing before I even know why the problems exists for real, does nothing. All I can do is take what information comes through the channels of the system and work with it, be careful and understand how it works.

In the last few days, I noticed that I was building a similar experience within myself as that of the behavioral pattern that erupted just before my period.

This building of belief, which I allow and cannot blame anyone but myself, is based on not slowing down and looking at myself as what I allow. And, it is based on not being equal in practical common sense, working with what is here, even as the present system that is one of self interest before common sense that is built from every single human being not functioning in common sense, as each has abdicated common sense, which is in essence the way and the means to create a world that is best for all. Thus, humans are their own demise. Believing that this self accepted and allowed demise is human nature is life in default. It is common sense, as the very substance and nature of life as how life would come to exist, which would be a physical form, that is the real nature of physical life, that the human is in reality. Thus, it is the limited beliefs, each of us are allowing that is not equal to common sense reality, a practical physical reality that moves in understandable ways, we need only look. The moment I allow myself to become emotional, to become reactive, to spite and point the finger in blame, I have abdicated myself as life, here.

The consequences of my behavior, as lack of direct seeing of this physical formation as life, has created a limited awareness, where what I construct within my mind, a para-normal imagination, creates the chaos from the limitation of my mental default of not looking/ seeing directly/ including the physical world. This separation places me into a polarity game, where I am in judgement as an act of comparison instead of understanding.  The consequence of this accepted limitation/separation  over generations of men has created a system of survival  where I “ surv-i-all the faults as the lack of measure/consideration  I have allowed in regards to what enables me to exist as a physical entity. In this process, I compare my inner limitation, as belief, to others, and blame them for being in lack, because I believe my inner construct to be complete, when it is not. And, the physical changes/transforms with every moment, so the only choice is to cross reference the physical world, which means to respect that which enables myself to exist and to realize the physical is the gift of life. Without the physical, there is no life. And heaven, was a parasite dependent on earth- the physical. 

In all, it is time to accept the gift of life, and stand together, with this physical earth - all it parts- and become co-creators equal and one with the physical world. This is the real “ video game,” this is the real story, this is life information. Humans are the perfect bio-logical organic forms to become equal and one with and as life. This is our potential, we need only realize this, and stand together, to remove the present system of separation that is not giving all of life on earth the support a physical manifestation of and as life, needs to exist. Rejection is futile, as it is rejecting the way and the means of and as life that the physical is. The physical is creation information it computes life expression. Compute originates from the latin word meaning com-together putare-settle. Together, as each part, we settle and account for life, as it is parts working together in full potential/awareness that the organism of earth/life as a physical form, can reach its full potential.

Day 542 Self forgiveness on looking for a purpose.

I had a long talk with a woman today. It was fun, because she had realized that the people in her world, were not using their common sense. She could see this all around her, and that herself trying to resolve this all the time was pointless, meaning she had to be true to herself. This was common sense. She had to let go of guilt, of believing she was bad because she was no longer supporting others in ways that she had her whole life. It was time to do what was best for her. And if others did not like this, then tough.

This does not mean she shut people out, it just means that she communicated, but when the communication as what she attempted to say in common sense, was not what was wanted, and the other reacted, she simply walked away.

I was with others last night, it being Easter. And at one point I noticed I reacted because the response was contrary to what I wanted to express. I slowed down and allowed the other to speak, afterwards, simply because of the rhythm of the evening, I did not take what was said and follow through. But this happens, so I just let it go.

I am dealing with what I call a point of being responsible. Meaning simply being within practical reality, where I do not need to coerce, as what is practical and functional, is right here. It needs no justification. It simply means to walk how here, as this physical existence works - of which the only solution is to do what is best for all, and that this is what is best for self.

I notice a resistance to this, as though failure to convey this, will show up in failure. That consequences down the line will be because there is still a pull to want to fit in. But fitting in is an illusion, because I am here on a mechanistic world, that is an order that allowed life to exist.

So, nature is a naturally organizing system, it is the idea of more, that separates men from what enables life, which is the physical world.

If this very simple realization becomes the understanding of men, this whole world will change very fast. Somehow, that which is simple is lost, and the discord of beliefs of more and less, complicate, and it is this complication that is causing the loss of common sense. Everyone is lost in their own self interest, their inner rest of ideas that have been made more than the life that is here around us.

So, in having this idea, that I have to succeed, I begin to race and become moralistic, within wanting to explain reality. I had wanted to explain that one way was more than the way this other person believed was okay.

Really, there was nothing right or wrong about what was stated. The structure as the belief, was not good or bad, it was how this is realized practically at the moment within a system that in total is in separation from common sense.

That I tell myself that I am not responsible for others, means that I still feel responsible, because I am at war within myself about this. I cannot be here if I am still feeling that I need some validation from others, that there is something I am supposed to do, which I now realize has been a thought that I have had in life. This thought that “ there is something I am supposed to do.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that “ there is something I am supposed to do.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is a problem, and within this to have this thought that “ there is something I am supposed to do.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that having a belief, as a thought, that “ there is something I am supposed to do” is myself believing that i am special, in some way, that I have some purpose, where if I look at this, this idea of a purpose, is ambiguous, and has no real grounding here with reality, it is something, like a ghostly entity that i have as mind  about reality, and as this, I allow myself to chase a metaphysical idea about having a purpose, instead of realizing myself equal and one to and as , with here, reality, standing in common sense as what I am as a human being, here, and as such, this, simply, is my “ purpose.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a memory of myself believing that there is something I am supposed to understand, something that I am supposed to grasp and understand, as myself as a child, talking and interacting with adults.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine if I could just get the point, as what is being said to me in the past as my childhood then I would understand the purpose being taught to me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become anxious within and as this.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have this slight movement within and as me, this anxiety, where I believe that there is some purpose, something that I must understand as a belief that I don;t understand, and as such am not seeing the purpose which is overall not real, and I keep trying to make this separation as an idea, real, when this remains here as an idea within and as me, because it really has no substance, and as such no place to go, because it has no connection, no reality to it, because it is in separation from practical reality, as being here, equal and one, with and as what i am as the form of me, as a man on earth, reveals the purpose of myself as life formation, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to sense the measure of myself here, as this, as within this I divide the very focus of me, as the substance of me, as the common sense of me, into an image that has no real definition or ability to sustain, because it cannot, because what is real, is that which is physically manifest , which is the physical world, as this is the gift of creation, the form of life, which is to include all life, where life is the value, and work with this as the very fabric of what enables life to be, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not look here, and see that this thought - has no bearing on life other than separation leading to destruction if made more real than the physical - and it is just this a thought that hovers, here, endlessly, because it is in separation, is not equal to me as life, connected to reality as the physical, the way and means of being in life expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is some purpose I must seek and find, when I cannot move, unless i am here, as the physical is what gives purpose,as the physical is life, thus, I can only be the purpose of life, in equality and oneness with and as the physical world here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the back chat within this context of this thought, “ it must be here”, “ if I can only see the purpose of myself,” “ if I only understood more than I would find my purpose,” not seeing realizing and understanding that this purpose seeking is just this, purpose seeking, and as such my mind traveling in some alternate reality, and not myself here, equal and one with and as the physical which is how and what i am here, able to be and express myself as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that somehow, i missed the train, because this question in and as my mind that is myself wondering around life “ Hans guck in die Luft” is a state of being that is in separation from practical common sense reality of what it means to exist in expression as life, as life must have form to be in expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to then, at times become the thought - as I attempt to create an ideological “ purpose” to believe that no one understands me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have backchat that no one understands me, which within this voice in and as my mind, this back chat, is myself allowing myself to spin around in an idea of needing a purpose and as such believing that if I had a purpose, then I would be successful or have meaning, all of this, a separation from practical common sense reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as anxiety within and as this, as though I may be less than, because I have not discovered some purpose, and that others may find out and realize that I have no purpose, to which I blame myself because I did not, for example, “ work hard “ enough to have found my purpose.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that somehow I did not work hard enough to “ find my purpose.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be this belief, creating a physical anxiety  that “ If only - then - I could find my purpose, everything would be fine.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that if I have not found myself “ purpose” I will have failed at life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a feeling of shame, at this thought about purpose, where i believe that I failed life, because I did not find my purpose.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to hide, based on this idea, as this thought “ that i had to find my purpose.”

I forgive myself for allowing and and accepting myself to believe that my purpose if to “ save the world,” which is to exist as a belief that the world needs to be saved and that somehow my purpose is to be this, when this is the separation, in and as an idea in and as my mind, that is the being of myself moving away from common sense, which is to be equal and one to and as the physical as the physical is the purpose of life in expression.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this belief in purpose, is myself allowing myself to become anxious, feeling heavy and crestfallen as I judge myself having failed my purpose, which is overall the illusion and as this illusion as belief, myself in separation from what is right here in front of me, which is life in expression as an order, within and as what works information, which is the physical, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to, conversely  fear not having a purpose.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that allowing myself to exist as this idea of purpose, as this thought that “ if only I could find my purpose, or the purpose of life,” I am ignoring what is right here in front of me, hidden behind my own self interest of wanting more than what is here in common sense as physical reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become physically crest fallen, in and as an idea that I have not found my “ purpose.”

When and as I find myself tensing up within conversations, and or community, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see , realize and understand that this physical sense of my “ crest” falling, is myself reacting based on a belief, and as such, myself not being equal and one, in common sense of physical reality.

When and as I find myself having a thought about “ purpose,” I stop and I breath and i bring myself here, and I see, realize and understand that the purpose of life is simply right here, as the physical, information as life, as the order and structure of the physical is the gift of life, here.

When and as I find myself becoming anxious, in and as my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I bring myself here, equal and one with and as the physical to see , realize and understand that the purpose is life, here.

When and as I find myself believing that there is a “ more” than, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that if I am occupied as mind as a thought that “ I must have a purpose” that I am no longer, here, focused, equal and one, with and as the physical.