Day 623 Oblivion: the sense of being disregarded or forgotten. Feeling overwhelmed experience.

Oblivion: The state of being disregarded or forgotten. Feeling overwhelmed.

I am the measure of what I accept and allow. The memory of me, as the measure of me, determines the movement of me here. If I have a voice in my mind, as a measure, as an entity, as a thing, though of imagination, of a fluid, rushing heard-only-by-me within sound, it cannot possibly be what is real here. It is ‘real’ to me, and me only, it is a constructed perception of this reality because it comes from my perception of this world I live within, this world I am now a adult human being within. I am a man, and this is the hue within and as me as my experiences accumulated. I mean, what does the adage mean ‘ the sins of the fathers”? I think of sine and tangent and cosine, from my days in geometry.  Something about angle relationships. And ‘sinus’ meaning curve, and in Arabaic meaning ‘ pocket size’ . Somehow all word play describing the curve of memory, something that can fit into a pocket, somehow characteristics of what memory is. One must remove any value to memory, and see it for what it is without adding a value to it. It will remain, will not go away.  Listen to the voices in your head when you feel fearful, they curve you away from being practical, they distract, take attention, and they fit into the pocket that is you as a living physical form here on this earth. They are a measure of reality, a relationship made from an experience, done with ordering a set of values, not necessarily a bad thing overall. It is the limitation of values without considering the value being life here, as being physical. One thing about the mind, and about our system, is that we are impulsed to believe in being perfect immediately, a by product of instant gratification in a consumerist society. And, an indicator of our own lost sense of space and time in consideration as equal practice with being physical beings here.  And yet, what we long for is connection with others, just as children long to participate in a classroom.  

Ever stood on the sides and become inwardly agitated while listening to a conversation in the center of the group on which side you stand? Can you sort out what it is you are reacting to in detail, or does the agitation take over, and a sense of frustration and then a voice of criticism composed of terms, as words, as ideas, pointing out what is right and what is wrong and then moving into creating/voicing a story about the individual speaking, or the others in the ‘ inner’ part oft the group? Is this process of delineation ( which is what is it is) creating borders to  order in self interest as belief, or is this cross referenced with this reality, to sort and create into a collective understanding that unites and gives productive sustainable direction and order?  This is the measure of self, as idea, belief and opinion. It seems too real, and it is . Yet, it is a measure of understanding, based on judgement, composed of values of good and bad about the things around one, and this becomes a relationship as belief, that then becomes the experience of oneself, and if repeated, because we learn through spaced repetition, this becomes the signature of oneself, and the voice of oneself, and then if this does not direct with clarity, it causes problems because this signature lacks consideration of all things, and thus mis-takes, as things not considered, accumulate and one becomes locked in a valley, of shadows of good and evil, of right and wrong, and the clouds accumulate as this inner measure, until the ground, as the valley is no longer visible. It is like, we become the smoke in this metaphorical valley, and we dissipate because we become what we think about, what we form ourselves as, or allow ourselves to be formed as, because we can blame no one, as we are capable of reforming ourselves  with that same substance that forms the separation. This is the gift of life. The media cannot form the storm of you, unless you accept and allow it. It is by consent that we accept the story as the measure of what is happening in this world presented by our media. Without investigating reality in detail, we cannot blame another for ourselves, as a movement, accepting what is presented.

This reminds me of someone I knew growing up. They worked with all different races of people. They enjoyed working with them, and nurtured them within the building of awareness within a specific field. So, on the ground, they cared and directed within their understanding. Yet, when talking generally about things, as the socio-economic scenarios that were dictated via media with all manner of justifications and reasons, with all kinds of limited relationships made, they objectively looked at the same races they intimately directed in every day life and therefor understood the capacity of the person, yet viewed the same collective of people as being lacking in ability as a whole. The contradiction made no sense, because non the  ground, their token exposure to various races, was of a completely different experience. The relationships lived on the ground, in the every day, told a different story than the relationships made as groups on the media. And no attention to the details of the system was conveyed that would cause a man to become limited in their development , or frustrated with living. A man must have the basics to live, and the opportunity to build awareness as in being exposed to all measure of reality to become a capable person. This is understood, thus lack cannot be what defines a person and then punished for being that lack because this is not addressing the absence of what is needed to redirect the awareness of that in lack to no longer missing what is needed to be self directive in ways experienced in our immediate communities when we interact with that same race that happens to be in a situation where there is opportunity for development!

I practice self forgiveness, as the means to the end of an inner understanding being unequal to understanding practical reality. As I practice this forgiving of myself, I become what I practice, and I begin to ground myself here, realizing the necessity of respecting life, as in, with every breath, living the full measure of this existence, to become and be equal and one to life, to realize the full potential of what it means to bring heaven, my little heaven in and as the measure of my acceptances and allowances within, as my accumulated experience, as what I believe that I am,  as the very measure of my understanding, to ground this, to cross reference, to realize and be thankful in all humility, everything that is here around me as this actual , real physical world as this is the very means of me being here in expression as life. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have judged this gift of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the preciousness of this gift.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to to be ashamed of what I have ignored that is right in front of me, as this gift of life, to be and interact, to connect and live, to become understanding that is whole and respectful that can exist within and as the ease of what being humble is in movement here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have not seen, realized and understood, the separation from myself as life that I have accepted through fear of being self honest here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself  to define myself as limited experiences instead of using the measure of my experience to open myself to understanding what it means to live a physical manifestation of life as life would be here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand as I stood on the edge of community, that the experience of me as my memory, as the measure of my understanding,  was just this, and to have in abdication of myself as life, judged the measure presented instead of assessing this measure and cross referencing reality in respect of all life, to realize creation, as in taking that which is good and does no harm, as that which is a measure that considers all things, to direct in ways that bring solutions, as solutions are what sustains and expands existence in all parts, a collective interaction that realized in all humility that it is all parts standing as two or more in the name of life, which is the physical, that is the strength and building of heaven on earth.

When and as I find myself filled with an energetic movement of resistance, or of a tension in the back of my head, or in my chest, or a movement of pressure as contraction within and as me, I stop and I breathe, and I slow myself down, and accept the voices in and as miming, the complaint of my inequality to life, the complain of my lack of understanding, and I see realize the blame and spite I place on objects as reflections in my mind of stories, where I lame myself as life, in fear of being self honest, in fear of standing equal and one in respect of living here.

When and as I find myself becoming confusion and an agitated sense of frustration, I stop, I slow down, I allow the fury of my accepted and allowed separation into and as mind to subside, as I forgive the raging measure of limitation composed of beliefs of more than and less than, and I ground myself until I am silent, calm, humble, and I sense the measure of here, as reality, here as the physical, and I assess, I investigate until  I can direct myself in consideration of all things, realizing that this will take practice because from the get go, and from the accumulation of the sins-of-the-fathers, I must act with care and humility to begin to expand in a common sense of the physical world here.

When and as I find myself unable to be directive with clarity as with a sense of ease, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that I have accepted and allowed an overwhelming sense of oblivion, thus, I slow way down and bring myself here, to ground myself here in the moment, and I stabilize in and with my breath, and forgive the limited measures as polarized beliefs, opinions and ideas, used to suit myself in survival in separation from accepting this physical world as life information here, and here I slow down, and use my common sense, to investigate and assess reality here, to realize in practice until this becomes a constant that can withstand the test of time, to be figuring with and as every breath here, to realize in thought word and deed equality and oneness to and as life here.

When and as I find myself lacking in humility and ease, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down, and I investigate within and without, to ground myself into this moment here, to accept the gift of creation, as the physical, as this is the way and the means of life, and for this I am grateful, here.

When and as I find myself existing within and as a sense of oblivion,I  stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I forgive myself to the measure of my accepted and allowed experience within and I cross reference the measure of what it means to be life, as life is a physical manifestation in expression as life would, and I realize the overwhelming nature that is the forgetfulness of oblivion, and I breath, I slow down, I humble myself until my breathe is calm, and I can begin to sense the within as my accepted measure and the without as this means of my being here, the physical, and I cross reference, until I can assess what is here and what directives consider all things and take that which is good, until I am equal and one with and as self forgiveness as is the nature of me as life, into what is constant in respecting the physical within and without, to become a constant in respect as self forgiveness to reality here.

Day 605 Self Forgiveness on this Morning's Rant. I am what I accept and allow.

SF on Suppression

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear following through, to fear moving out of agreement within a narrow focus in perspective of reality with others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have made the mis-take of reality, in my dealings with others, as I allowed myself to remain within self interest based on a fear of thwarting what was around me as the focus of other’ within my world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand my own stuckness conceptually within which limited my perception of reality without, and lead to stagnation within and as me into and as a lesser expression composed of value touting within a very narrow focus, an entity within the machine of and as me as my human physical body as a mind consciousness of limited structure that became physically integrated as the information of and as me, this that I accepted and allowed, where there is no one to blame, no one to spite, simply to become a directive principle of being aware, using my common sense, to respect all life as the physical and to see, at this point, the structures manifest as the present financial system that limits access to exposure and opportunity to grow and accept/ become the innate ability of men, to care for their world around them and to develop in awareness of the practical physical world here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to tout a good, in a very narrow focus, in self interest and gain, without looking at the consequences of my narrow self interest and what such ignores and does not consider within the broader physical world in which I live, to see, realize and understand the total machine of life as the physical, to connect with this unawareness, as mind,  I have allowed and to bring this into awareness as this is real living, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the inner conflict of limited values where the good touting is what defines me, this based on ignoring the whole, creating a bad of my own common sense, in and as not looking at the whole and the parts, and suppressing/ignoring/resisting/ shutting down/ running from/ fearing to face/ my own sensibility as my natural ability as life to absorb the world around me, my natural learning ability, my common sense, my own ability to conceptualize the form and function of this means of life as this physical world, which necessitates a direct connection to, awareness of, respect for, direct seeing/being in connection with.

I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding that the suppression of myself as life, has become a habit, like a broken record, like a dis-eased entity, like a fearful ghost, like an angry demon, like a embittered man, like a lack of connection, like a slow-moving-conceptually- blob of spewing value over practical reality - stuck in this persona of embroidered justifications, creating a techno colored dream coat of pictures justifying my own existence consuming the very flesh of me as life, continuing the separation from life that I accepted and allowed until that life is gone, a life that never connects to life, and as such ends up trespassing on life instead of becoming one and equal with what is eternal, which is realizing the value is life, here, as life the substance of life which is nothing into expression/movement as informing as the physical world.

I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding that I must as an expression of life forgive my trespasses as ego against life, which is the act of deconstruction of myself into reconstruction through writing and self corrective measurable sounding and action as accepting life through self forgiveness of what self has accepted and allowed to define self in self interest in separation from self as life as self as the sound of common sense here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  believe that there is conflict in expressing life awareness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe I must answer to limitation to survive.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear moving in common sense of here, as this is the only choice.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear resistance to change.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear to  look at comfort zones in fear of the slowing down to look movement and redirection movement in changing the awareness platform as idea made comfortable conceptually to define, embedded and as such a process of walking the movement into change, to rebuild, to return to self as life to connect to the physical world, to realize practical reality, to find the ease of self here, no longer trespassing on life, but becoming one and equal to and as life here.

I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding that reaction is reaction to change, where the process is to realize one’s starting point and to expand in awareness to and with the whole as the physical.

Self Corrective Writing

When and as I find myself  becoming a falling liquid as mind, from my head area, a heavy unclear syrup that is not of ease, like  pristine water, like a clearness that is like a lens of seeing directly and becoming that of direct seeing as conceptually being able to move with ease into the only choice in and as solution within awareness of what is best for all, I stop and I breath and I assess what I am allowing as belief, opinion and idea, and I stop, I slow down, and I evaluate what I am perceiving as this accepted and allowed entity of limited insight and personification of limited values and resisting common sense as the bad entity that will pop the bubble of self definition that I accepted and allowed, and here to see realize the conflict as my resistance to being and doing and moving as self as life here, which is in application, the directive as the principle of what is best for all is best for self.

When and as I find myself feeling loopy within and as me, I slow way down and I breath, and I do not allow myself to feel unworthy or less than, or guilty, or ashamed, I accept and forgive what I have accepted and allowed, and I walk myself back into being connected with practical reality in accepting myself as life, and realizing that that which I had made a bad as an idea is of a different quality other than my own cultural constructs only and does not define me- thereby becoming limited in and as a belief that this negating could cancel my own self definitions - and to also realize that undercurrent of my own common sense, which I have allowed myself to suppress in fearing to look at the whole as the physical  and be  myself as life, within  myself  my common sense ability to accept self responsibility as life, here.

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Day 603 The courage of water

The courage of water

I have had a problem in my chest for a while. It has taken time to begin to slow down the protective shield based on ideas, beliefs and opinions. And, that what I have allowed is so habituated, as my actions, in reaction based on fear, which is myself accepting and allowing an inferiority to life, as life would be what is best for all, as an expression, because the real purpose is creation, in and as what does no harm, what takes that which is good and does no harm, transforming in a moment, fearing not an expression, because the structure as the physical shows the way, in form and function.

Sometimes this movement in my chest becomes warm, like a liquid, and other times I can feel it tensing up, as I allow a program of moral righteousness and/or an idea of competition, where I compare myself to another within allowing a very limited ideology/belief/conception/perspective.

Other times, it feels like a hole is in my chest, where I have not caught up in practical application as my own structural alignment with being here, focusing here.

Water is here, it has the courage as is its nature to mold into every form here, even into the very rocks of this earth, through the layers of clay underground, into everything, and everything is of this substance, this water.

Thus, I can become any accepted belief, as being such in a moment, to understand need not define me as who I am here, in a moment, because the next moment comes and with this change, just as water changes and circulates and moves on this earth. In this respect water is courage, and courage is water -like. And we were told that we had to move from the heart, on this earth, that is our hearth, here; hearing heaven here is allowing the courage like substance as water as self as life here when aligned as this nature as self as life, using the abstract making quality of the mind - that which can become a concrete embedded structure that lacks common sense directive when held as hallow ground as being more than that from which it builds its program. This is in essence playing god, leading nowhere, which means the now of time, here, and we have been told that time is the illusion. So, the joke is on you - mindbot. lol, it is a saying that reveals its outcome, mind  only bottoms you out, like a pyramid scheme will eventually bottom out as is happening here on earth unless we become our real nature, that of courage, which is the nature and characteristic of water, which happens in the heart, the earth, the hearth, I mean there is a reason why the sounds in these words are the same. Is there not? It is like the pictograph of the word heart, as the ‘h’ is like a chair, and that chair ‘h’ is before the ear - the hearing/hereing  of self in the cross roads, as the cross, as the ‘t.’  So it is the choice to sit on the chair and stare/stair the shadows on Plato’s wall as one’s experiential mental map that has now manifested into a system of same limitations or to become equal and one to the physical, to make the choice to respect the physical as life in formation, and to accept self as life and become equal and one as a creator. It is to accept the transformative quality of self and direct from this to develop and return to the means to pass through the eye of the needle into eternity as becoming equal and one to the essence that is life. This way and means with which we are born, that has been moved into some fantasy world of religion and consumerism,  is much simpler than lead to believe as the action is a practical one, which is right here in front of us; we need only accept this, because in reality it is freely given. Time to put down the apple and return to the presence of the tree. Then maybe the tree will become the choice of freedom, the tree, when becoming equal in awareness to it, one comes under the dome of freedom.

You have the courage, as what you are to stand and equalize to here. This is to choose freedom, to begin the process of alignment to life, as the physical, and to realize that each part reflects and as such substantiates who you are as a creator because who you really are as life fits perfectly into life.

The process of self forgiveness is to forgive the judgements of being inferior or superior, of removing comparison and competition, to equalize through stopping the voices of one’s past of uncertainty and the voices of a lineage of ancestors that were not themselves equal to life as including the physical world as life - caught in an idea of something greater that is and was a metaphysical construct in separation from reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not listen, to within this, not see, realize and understand that I can become what another believes, opinions, or idealizes as such cannot define me, but I can understand as the nature of courage as that being like water, to realize the conception of another and to take this and bring this into a from that takes that which is good and does no harm.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge, to become inferior to what is here, and /or superior in fear of loss of what I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined in and as, and within this, to use meta-physical mental action to understand and equalize understanding and then to take this and move this into what does no harm , taking that which is good and referencing practical physical reality to consider all life, as the physical and begin to rebuild a life on earth that considers all things in ways that do no harm, to create heaven on earth, and as such to live with courage as is the real nature of my myself as the word courage is the word heart.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my ego is my accepted and allowed metaphysical ideology in separation from accepting the gift of life in manifestation which is the physical world here, right in front of me.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand my own accepted and allowed separation into ideas, beliefs and opinions where I move as judgement, resisting that which limits or does not substantiate my survival character, as my self definition that was built in self interest only, separating me from myself as life, rejecting life as it rejected the physical, this physical being the way and the means of myself here as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have rejected the courage of myself as life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that bring right was a fixed thing, when being here, in consideration of practical reality as the physical was “ righting” myself here, with every breath, to cross reference practical reality and participating in creation as the physical becoming sound with and as the means of life as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that being here, accepting the physical is real substantiation to and as life here.

When and as I find myself thinking only, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down, to become equal and one to and as the physical to substantiate life, as the physical here.

When and as find myself wanting to be right, I stop, and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I listen, I hear, to bring myself here, equal and one with the physical, to begin to walk with and as the practical measure as the physical world, to become equal in sound with the physical, and thus substantiating myself here as life.

When and a s I find myself moving into fear, I stop, I slow down, I breath, I realize where I have not taken the time to be courageous and slowed down to understand the conceptual form around me, and I take the time to investigate and to discover that which is good and does no harm, here.

When and as I find myself believing that I must protect myself in fear of loss of something as an idea, I stop and I breath, and I see realize and understand that the space is here, and that this is eternal, thus I have the time to slow down and review, as investigate all things, listening to hear the heart of the matter, and to reflect on this, and move this into what would be best for all because what is best for all is best for myself here, and to be thankful and grateful for all expression around me, as the expression around me is perspective of this reality, and as such, if I allow this, builds my own courage as life, as this expands my awareness of and as life here.

Day 600 Not seeing the connections right in front of me. Judgements as beliefs as mind con-sciousness.

I was at this meeting; a new group. I listened to the women speak and then at the end of the meeting, began to talk individually with various women in the group.

I realize that I had, in the course of the group presentation, unconsciously picked which women I thought I should connect with initially. When the meeting ended and individual introductions began, those who I had thought I would like to speak to were not the ones who came up to me to talk with me.

When I did move to talk with the ones I wanted to talk to, I found that we had a greater distance to cover in reaching an understanding. The ones who came up to me, I had more of an ease with in coming to an understanding.  

So, I looked at this and realized that I had been moved by my class values, by my story of and as belief, which means my “ values,” my judgements, my past based on what I defined and accepted as values to define me in an action of self interest without regard for all of reality.

This was a subtle thing that I might not have noticed but that no matter with whom I talked, I realized was myself as an action  actually living in and as talking with another person and within this respecting and  being grateful for this.  This means accepting what is here, not rushing in some idea and resisting what was here in front of me.

I had spoken up during the general meeting, so those that heard some of what I had been saying are the ones who came to me. And here, I was surprised because I was off in my own ideological mind expecting something else, even though I could pull back and accept what came. It really is like moving in a train, where the train is one’s self as mind, composed of ideas, and beliefs and opinions based on my direct experiential  past and my cultural past more than awareness and acceptance of simply remaining here in practical common sense of reality, taking that which is good and does no harm, respecting the very formation of life around me.

It really is that we are rushing around in some “ haloed” ground as mind, that is of unequal measure to the practical world in which we live. It really is that we sit in a room during our childhood, looking at pictures of trees while the real tree is outside the window, breathing, moving, flowing, living. What is real, is right here in front of us, and instead we learn and accept the study of pictures about something. The perfect way to divide and conquer the imaginative capacity of our minds, that are really an abstract of what is concrete as the physical world around us. Humans have become a physical being with a halo of pictures that spin so fast - like a moving train- that reality is no longer their focus, instead an alternate reality that is very much like a television-like entity of lesser dimension yet heavy and consuming of the physical body, has come to define us. So lost in this unequal measure to that which enables us life formation, that we have lost all stability which we see in our communications and as such, our community. Our communities are so divided that we all remain neighbors who have little or no interaction. We no longer see the trees outside that are supporting us in simply being here. Our eyes acclimate to our inner pictures, over time, to such an extent, that we no longer are able to spatially see the rise of a step, and we end up tripping and falling, which we call aging, but in reality is the extent of our separation from life, which means we have never really lived equal and one with and as the formation of life, which is the physical. Within this, we can blame no one, because each of us accepted and allowed that alternate reality of limited dimension.

Thus, I must forgive my own accepted and allowed judgements of value, creating my time that is not equal to the space of here, as physical reality that enables me to exist. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use limited values and to compare using these values, in and as my mind, in separation from what is physically  here as life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to reject that which does not fit an ideological construct as my mind based on my past, in self interest, where I have allowed myself to exist like a train running on a track as ideas, beliefs and opinions, built of words, creating pictures, and emotional feeling bodies that are in separation from myself as life as a physical state of being.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to lose my natural ability to sense space and the forms that are the physical that are life in form, here, and to abdicate my self responsibility in and as this, as this common sense ability is myself as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge another as less than myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge another as superior to me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe I am inferior to life,

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become an accumulation of values where I then believe that I am superior to another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not remain here, equal and one with and as what I am as life as the means of common sense, which is the physical.

When and as I find myself comparing myself to others, in and as a belief that one way will lead to what I believe is a way forward, thereby eliminating others, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see , realize and understand what is here, as the physical / life, and I take that which is good and does  no harm, to see, realize and understand the potential each is as life here.

When and as I find myself reacting to others, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see where I judged something as less than what I believed I wanted that was in itself based on a belief that did not consider all things, respect all things as me in another life, and I slow way down, and become present here, taking in the perspective of another, and grounding this into practical measure of physical reality, as I would like for myself, without judgement, as this is the way to remain constant within the principle of what is best for all, today, yesterday, and tomorrow.

Day 596 The Misplaced Creative Ability of The Concrete Made Abstract. Self Forgiveness

I recently had an interaction with someone, where the creative ability of a person can take parts and create a picture, built of beliefs, and opinions and ideas, to construct a justification around having made a choice. If I look at this as an ability, it reveals how humans are creative, in that they take parts and create an abstract picture of the reality around them.

If this ability took into consideration that which allows this creative ability of constructing something as a picture as an idea, which is the physical world - our bodies, and included the practical reality of the physical in any taking-of-parts, which is “ critiquing” reality, or re-sunning reality” or bringing what is physically realized information as the physical into consideration as the qualities and building blocks of the physical world, then our reality would function in ways that cause no harm because the physical would be respected, in detail.

When we create a paper world where means are used to ostensibly expedite a norm, we allow externalities to be swept to the side, which is not looking at all the parts and as such causes aspects of the practice of living that is a physical way of moving here, to be forgotten, which means the physical world is ignored. A scenario that has a consequence of dis-integrating the physical. The physical world then becomes weaker and weaker and weaker. And we see this happening all around us. We can leave nothing behind, because all of it is the means of life. What is not in full potential becomes a fire that we end up trying to put out, and our attention is on this lack, which is not being attentive of the actual physical world overall. 

I within myself realize how this can happen. I was a child and I stopped suddenly and wanted to hide what I was doing, and to do this I focused on the words only of the adult in my world. As I walked a mind construct, this one little movement, was myself making a choice to attend to my own experiences, my own memory, my own abstract of a concrete world as the physical. Overall, this is not a bad thing, but when I ignore one thing, because I have an idea about it based on actions in the past, and then begin to manipulate what I focus myself on, then I have ideas about things and begin to reject aspects of reality based on ideas, and attend to reality in a way that suits my own ideas instead. This overall is myself no longer being transparent and open and equal in consideration of all that is the physical world. I am being selective, which is not bad, per say, but when done to manipulate what is a construction of belief in fear of being discovered because I have an idea about what that dis-covered thing may be considered as, then I am already building layers of lies, that become the focused being of myself. Thus I have begun to move as an ideological abstract that is in separation from practical reality. I am no longer equal to the physical, I am as such resisting life, because no real god would create something that does harm, a real god would be something that is by nature in all aspects creation. And what I have done, in my manipulations is taken life and my creative ability as life, and constructed an abstract of parts of life that is using creative ability and warping it into a personal alternate reality that is lost of its gift of common sense.

The only way out of this separation is to admit it. To forgive myself back to my own gift as life as my common sense, which is to focus on the physical world and realize the practical measure of it. And why, because this is alignment back into reality, where I reference the concrete world as life in-formation, and sense that which does no harm, which is what is best for all.

My manipulations, where I attend to some things to block my own actions from sight, because I had an idea about them based on an experience that was probably the same thing in another - and myself being a child who did not have the code as the words to sort this all out in clear and communicative ways,  became what I allowed as the measure of my memory, what I defined as the world around me. 

When I talk with others, having spent some time looking at this, I see this same thing going on in the words people speak. Overall this is a creative act as it is taking parts and creating new forms , but it is all done in protection and self defense for an initial separation that we all can realize and know we have accepted, but in actuality fear admitting to. The only solution is to forgive this separation and to come back down to practical reality, because this is the only way forward on earth.

Imagine when someone comes and apologizes for something that is realized to be a mis-take, we accept it when it is sincere. The problem is that we have a system that has become the manifestation of our own abdication of being equal to practical reality. As though each has done this for so long that it is imposed as a man-made system on earth. Thus, the system must change to allow each to forgive transgressions as abstract personas, to give the space and time to come back down to include the physical as life, equal to self and that creative ability, because the two are inseparable. 

Also, when one learns a bad habit, which in this case is a limited insight habit, and does not change, then that habit is what is consumed and becomes what one is, the change becomes harder because the groove has been set and to rebuild takes time and consistent corrective action/movement. the gift is the physical world in front of us, it centers us here, equal in consideration of all things as any real parent/god would want for their child.

If we look at our financial system, which is a rent seeking formation, it is us, manifested externally. What we hold onto as personifications as a collection of beliefs, opinions and ideas used to define us, where we hide from not having remained in practical equal consideration of all things in respect of the physical as life in-formation, as creation, then we are “ renting” qualities to define us, at the exclusion of respect of the physical world that is creation manifest and the gift of life in-formation. So, our financial system represents our separation and our attention to limited abstracts made larger than life as our mind.

And our governing system, is what we tout, what we pray for, but not what we actually live. It is what we say we are, but not what we actually do. it is the limited good sounding actions we tell one another, that we do in small measure to convince ourselves we are not that which we know we have accepted which is hiding from being equal to practical reality and trying to regulate our gains, hiding from considering all life, respecting all life which the physical is the expressive in-formation of and as. Just as our governments and financial systems are forms that are movements, so are we, and this system is what each has become within. so the projection that created the system, comes from each of us. If we do nothing to change ourselves and simply forgive a lack of perception that includes and respects the actual life in-formation as the physical then we ignore and as such destroy creation in-formation.

Thus the solution is that one must stop what one has accepted, has trained oneself as , as a collection of beliefs, opinions and ideas, that take one quality or aspect of reality, and aggrandize that aspect at the exclusion of other qualities and aspects of practical physical reality, and bring that back down to earth, because this is how we bring our own heavens as our abstract ideas about this concrete world, back into what is practical, and within this stop creating doom and gloom scenarios, because we fear to lose what is really an extremely limited acceptance of who we are.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to be flexible here, to not fear changing what I have accepted and allowed as an idea, belief or opinion about practical reality within and as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress my common sense ability, the gift of life in expression, in having the ability to look at the parts and the whole here, to see, realize and understand movements and actions that consider all things and take that which is good, which is a process of becoming aware and respecting all things as this earth is life in-formation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize, and understand how I have manipulated myself as life to hide from actions that were in themselves actions based on limited/singular beliefs, based on ideas of good and bad, which is judgement, which is eating the apple of knowledge and information only and ignoring the tree of life that is what sustains and created that apple.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand the mirage of  limited experience I accepted and allowed as an abstract of this concrete world, earth, that is life in-formation here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to bring one aspect of reality forward in and as my mind, and to accept this as having a value that I believed would define me and allow me to survive what I wanted to hide that was another form of judgement as deciding that there was a bad that would lead to a doom and gloom scenario, a “ what if” scenario where I acted in a self interest of limitation because I did not investigate all things and reality as that which was good and does no harm, in a practical physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that what another speaks as an abstract imagery of a concrete physical world can define me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how one small movement of separation in protection and defense, as an idea of a good and a bad, ends up limiting the very common sense of me as life, to be flexible/flowing/mutable in respecting practical physical reality, to consider and be thankful for that which is the means of myself in expression as life, which is the physical world, the tree of life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe an abstract of a concrete world, of which the abstract used for its formation, is more real than the practical physical world, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I believe the abstract, as what I have allowed to define me, I actually move into suppression of myself as life, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I believe an abstract construction within and as a idea, belief opinion, within and as me, a emotional movement concentrated on hiding one thing and attending to another, as a value that I believe will protect me from what I had believed was a “ bad” then I am like a computer, turning off one thing and bringing forward another, not a bad when consistently cross referenced with reality, but a suppression and limitation when used to define me, causing pressure on and as my physical body, disrupting flow, blocking my own common sense as life, constricting the physical body, causing a dis-ease, as a mis-take with reality, and as such, something that can become a habit that will take time to realign back down to earth, back into being equal and one, respectful of practical physical reality, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow my mind to be greater than my heart, to not listen to here, to what is here, even as the separations of men as abstractions of this concrete reality as what the mind is an does.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that this abstract projection as mind can define me.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to become equal and one to the creative ability of myself as life, and instead to abuse this creative ability in ways of self interest only.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize what I fear losing as a self definition, and what I fear being defined as having accepted and allowed an idea that I cannot change when I am the one who accepted and allowed the mirage as mind, as my perception of my experiences that I defined myself as and feared changing because I allowed an idea as a desire to become larger than life, and as such did not walk the practical process of building awareness of the physical, which is respecting all life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the war on resource grabbing for rent seeking practices is an outward manifestation of what I have accepted and allowed within and as me, which has been happening for generations as this is what has been generated as an abstract in dis-respect of practical reality, and as such is an act of violence against life, thus for what I have accepted and allowed within and as me, a war that is the manifestation of conflict and friction against myself as life, I forgive myself.

When and as I find myself limiting the life within and as me, as my own expression, manifest as friction and conflict within as back chat of judgement as mind, as thoughts, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I see realize and understand the values as the parts brought forward, attended to, and I cross reference the physical, practical reality, and ground the limitations back into what would withstand the test of time, to realize two or more in my name builds awareness and respect of that which is life in-formation which is  the physical, which is earth, the hearth, the heart, of life and thereby grounding myself here.

When and as I find myself beginning to doubt myself  I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I ground myself here, to practical reality, to consider all things, and to take that which is good, to stand equal to what supports the expression of myself as life, which is the physical that is life in-formation which is to bring what I believed was a heaven as value judgements as mind in self interest, instead of in the value being life, to align myself equal and one to and as life, to pass through the eye of the needle which is the physical.

When and as I find myself becoming a movement of comparison, as the thoughts of good and bad in and as my mind, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I look at the fear of what I have allowed as the so-called bad that I reject and resist  and I stop and I look to what I fear losing as a self definition of and as me and what i believe I will gain as a desire, and I forgive my accepted habit of value judgment, and I take the good and the bad judgments and realize my imagination of gloom and doom as fear of loss, and I ground myself here to express the practice of life as the physical in-formation, enjoying being in life expression as what I am as a physical being here.

When and as I find myself reacting as in becoming tense within and as me, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that I am becoming conflict and friction within and as me, that is in effect emotional/feeling bodies built of ideas, as accumulated  thought, as judgments  of qualities that are from the physical world that I believe will cause a loss should I not be defined as them as I have allowed rent seeking practices as limited value self definition only,  as I react to the words of another as their constructions of belief taking this personally instead of seeing this for what it is, a projection of values only on a physical world as life in-formation, I stop, I breath I ground myself here, as I realize that nothing defines me but what I accept and allow, here.

When and as I find myself taking things personally, I stop and I breath and I reference, respect the practice of physical manifestation of life in-formation and I see, realize and understand an expression of and as me as what is best for all, as taking that which is good as that which is practical, measurable as relating and respecting life in-formation as the physical here, to stand as that which is supportive of life, where life is the value.

Day 593 Understanding the space and time of practical existence, communicating here. Self Forgiveness

Understanding the space and time of practical existence, communicating here.

Back to the basics of self forgiveness in every moment I speak. I find that I can communicate more readily with others, even within evaluating limitations and speaking up, but still I can move into reactions of fear, where I fear being cut off, or not allowed to follow through, and I begin to rush and become impatient. But this is also an idea, myself having thoughts about how something should be. In this I lose a sense of the rhythm of what is presented, like I am within a video game where I have to walk past the swinging ax. But then I have created this idea, judging limitation as something that is a danger, when it is not, it is only I that accept and allow this to be so.

But the “ ax” so to speak, as the limitation is the words used, the structure of labels that have personified histories of mis-takes of reality, each hiding actions known to have born no practical measure of physical living, as so much of the detail of the practical is lost in a moment of rushing and not bouncing back quickly enough, grounding oneself back here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to rush, and as such to not listen and to miss aligning mis-takes back into practical application that can withstand the test of time and ground oneself here, equal and one to the physical, as the physical is what is real, is the gift of life, is the expression of life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  react to limitation.

I forgive myself for allowing an accepting myself to limit myself, in a desire to be right.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to rush.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to lose myself in entertainment, as a game of association, mis-taking practical reality in an effort to build a valid argument as my end game, instead of remaining here, standing equal and one in thought word and deed with practical reality as the physical, the way and the means of my existence here as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to slow down, to breath, to ground myself here, and to realize the words presented, are the signature of limitation, the labels of knowledge and information without practical reference in form and design, in structure and regard for the actual physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself as an idea, and to take this idea and compare within associating myself to the idea, without seeing realizing and understanding that an idea is just this an idea, not necessarily a bad or a good, but an abstraction, and to take an  idea as a value and relate it to, compose it with and into the space and time of  practical reality to realize an application that is best for all.

When and as I find myself rushing I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand here, grounding myself here, equal and one to practical existence.

When and as I find myself rushing into self righteousness I stop and I breath and I slow myself down.

When and as I find myself  rushing I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I ground myself here, equal and one to the measure of practical reality, realizing that the physical is here, in practice all around me, 

When and as I find myself rushing, I stop and I breath, and realize what I have allowed myself to be as idea, as an expectation, and I stop, I slow down, I come back down to earth, to the practical measure of space and time, and I realize limitations as what I have accepted and allowed, and I no longer allow myself to take things personally meaning as resisting that which does not express what  I have allowed to define me in a game of survival, a mental act of comparing my beliefs, ideas and opinions as how I have accepted and allowed limited designs as self definitions to be what governs me here, and I stand in the moment equal to breath and I align myself here in tandem with the way and the means of myself as an expression of life as the physical and I assess through evaluation and examination of the whole and the parts to critique what is presented and brought forward as idea, as value, and I bring this back into physical creation to stand as what is best for all here.

When and as I find myself becoming inferior to here, to the moment in which I am standing in the physical as this is the way and the means of life, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I realize where I am accepting and allowing a self government of limitation, and I take that limitation and I ground myself here, in practical physical reality, and I assess through bringing all parts here, as I stand in space and time as the physical and I govern myself within and as this, respecting life, as life is the physical and the means of my existence as the physical is the creation of life, and I align myself here in thought word and deed, considering and respecting all as equal and one to me.

When and as I find myself reacting, as tensing up I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down to stand in the space of here as creation, where there is eternal room to stop and change what I have allowed to define me as  limited values only, based on a past of not having stood equal and one in common sense of the physical and what is best for all as the physical, and the cultural traditions based on past practical applications that came to define and ignored practical existence in leu of these traditions over the expedition of men discovering efficiency, this tradition before practical action inferior to innovation and reformation in ways the expand creation and giving men the space and time to become the voice of life, equal and one to creation, where all parts become their full potential as an expression of life, this which needs no hierarchical social engineering, instead access to interaction with practical reality and the physical means to support the physical body, to allow each the development and awareness to take that which is good and does no harm, as this is the way and the means to become equal and one to life and stand in consideration of the value being the self as the expression of life as physical beingness, here.

When and as I find myself separating myself from here, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand the beliefs, opinions and ideas of what gives me value as a self definition that I have allowed and believed in only,  to survive in  a system of inequality - the external consequence of what each part has accepted and allowed,within , and I assess what I have allowed in looking at the thoughts that are the composition of my accepted belief system, an abstract as mind as my personification, and I realize this does not define me, and I change, I ground myself here, and see the weight of my accepted abdication of life manifest as energy, my resistance and as such means of rejection of the whole and the parts,  where I then choose to become a  movement of respect for the means of life as the physical, as I realize the practice that what I believe  cannot define me unless I accepted and allow it, and that I can change, I can reform myself as inform myself equal and one through considering all things and taking that which is good and does no harm, in practical application through looking here at physical existence. 

Day 590 Who I am within the culture of woman. Day 5 Self forgiveness and Self Correction.

Day 5 Who I am within the culture of women.

I have been so busy reacting as being in expression of judgement as imagining that I am not being substantiated- all of which is based on self defining labels, that I have distracted myself from my own common sense. I even fear the reactions of self defining values being rendered meaningless, and placed into perspective in practical reality because an allowance over time of such emotional states to define  can become volatile and reactive as my automated defined self becomes stagnant where change becomes an illusion of loss when called out.  There is a part of me, a voice in my head that says, “ why the fuck do I have to do this” and “ why do I have to take the time to set this BS straight”  And “ get a grip and grow up, stop distracting others into your pity patter,” “ Look, no one is really trying to hurt anyone, it is all a big mis-understanding” and “ How dare you bring that BS here!” This is the voice as the back chat of protection and self defense of an ego construct, a self built value system that is a separation from being equal and one to practical reality here, where flow happens, which is where creation happens.  Do I continue to exist as a value judgement or do I become what i am, a creator?

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my inner world is of idea, belief and opinion, and not equal and one in consideration of practical life, here, which is life in expression, and as that point of expression, as a form, change happens here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to act in self interest in wanting to define myself in a bubble in separation from reality, from life, thus I am that which I accepted and allowed a separation from being equal and one to creation, which is manifested as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow resistances as ideas, and beliefs and opinions, in and as my mind, as an entity of stagnation as imagination, fantasies, projectiles of protection and self defense as idea and behaviors of suppression to maintain my own fantasy/imagination all done in self interest/self inner-rest  where anything that threatens my own idea about myself I react to as I fear change, as I fear that which would equalize myself to and as life as ironically that which I seek, that equal respect of all life being where I live the full potential of myself as life, as this is self honesty where I allow myself to move and flow with what is real, as the physical realizing that the physical world is an expression of me and of all life, as each is me in another life expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that what another thinks of me, which is an act of comparison from a starting point of a self interest as self definition cannot define me, unless I accept and allow it as idea, belief and opinion, as life is an expression of which must by nature sound what is best for all to withstand the test of time and have the stability to sustain itself into eternity, which means change, into and as, what is best for all here, which is the joy and the fun of it all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see , realize and understand that when and as I have back chat, as voices in and as my mind of “ Why do I have to put up with the emotion”, or “ Why do I have to put up with this BS” or “ get a grip” or “Who does she think she is” I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I bring this back to myself, as this is a red flag of belief as self definition which is a movement, a limited expression accepted and allowed as me that is in conflict and friction with practical reality, and that even if I have noted a limitation without, it is to move into solution in realizing nothing defines me unless I allow it, and to take the belief, insight and to assess the form and align this into what would allow awareness into that which gives expression that considers all life, that brings focus, that is self honest and as such is a solution of self honesty, self responsibility which is stable and sustainable, and can withstand the test of time.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become reaction only, as emotion, and desire for a feeling of gain, a feeling of value as an idea only.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not listen to myself to see, realize and understand the very sound of my voice, as myself when in more stable and giving situations can speak in a consistent tone that needs no force.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how physically I close myself up, pull myself in, suppress myself, as I believe what another thinks defines me, and/or my own beliefs that I have allowed to define me, may be lost and as such I would cease to exist, or so I believe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand that I as life am common sense.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to become equal and one, as expression of life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I fear, as in physically form myself  inferior to life as conceptually allowing one aspect to be more than another, I tense/close/constrict/pull inward/invert which is like compress within and “ burn” in a righteous protective manner, creating an energetic storm, as an emotion, that believes itself righteous, right, as I focus on an idea, belief and opinion only, and as such separate from life expression, from being a reciprocal action of giving as I would want to receive in thought word and deed , my accepted limited expression of energy as an idea, as a judgement,that shuts/rejects myself  as life, as this self honesty where I am a being in expression of common sense of all as me, of life in expression around me as the physical.

When and as I find myself reacting within and as me, becoming inferior to what is here as life in expression, be it energy as belief, opinion and/or idea, as a value used to define, a limitation that is not necessarily a good or a bad, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand the information presented and I assess, through evaluation, examination of the parts presented and I move as the moment here, realizing that life is of a sound expression, and that this is the practical application of common sense, realizing that the value is being here, in focus as respecting life as the value, and I apply the principle as this, within and as what is best for all, taking in life formation practically to practice that which does no harm and takes that which is good.

When and as I find myself reacting to a value, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I assess within me, my own accepted and allowed habit of self definition before life, to see where I am seeking profit in self interest as a self definition visible as a reaction of taking things personally, an overall separation from common sense, and I bring myself here, ground myself in the practical here, realizing nothing can be lost and all can be gained in realizing/accepting all life  as me, which means becoming practical, practicing equal consideration of physical reality as being life, living life being the value.

When and as I feel a pressure building up in my solar plexus, I stop and I breath, and I see what thoughts as belief, opinions and ideas, as my past of exposure to culture and experience within limited ideas that had no real self substantiation as life,  built of opinions and beliefs that I accepted and allowed to define me, manifest as the voices in and as my mind consciousness system construct, as energy as what is good and what is bad, as what I resist that is persisting as beliefs circulating and accumulating within and as me, falling into my solar plexus, and I stop, and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I look at the human code as the words and values attached to the words, as generational value systems in separation and limitation of life information as reality here, and I asses and deconstruct through self forgiveness, and reconstruct within the principle of what is best for all here.

When and as I find myself reacting and moving into justification and protection and self defense, I stop and I breath, and I realize what would give solution through investigation of here practically, as in looking at the detail of here, within taking that which is good and does no harm, and within this realizing that nothing can define me unless I accept and allow it, and to realize in practice that to become a belief that I am unworthy in any measure is a disrespect of life as what I am, and I stabilize myself here until I am grounded, here.

When and as I find myself believing myself inferior and/or self aggrandizing as imagination into a belief as being superior, I stop and I breath, and I look at my thoughts as my back chat in and as my mind, to self correct through self forgiveness into what is best for all, as what is a practical application of myself here as a physical being in a physical reality, to see the practical steps necessary to direct myself here.

When and as I practice being practical here, in consideration of life being the  value, I slow down, I breath, I sense the thoughts within and as me, I sense the posture of my human physical body, the instrument of my self expression as life, here, to realize where I am not equal and one to life here, as an actualized movement of equality and oneness to and as life here as the physical, to see where I am not of sound mind, meaning to realize where I am not moving with ease, with flow, with forgiveness here, as the words I speak and the tone with which I speak, and the assessment of the physical world around me in respect of life, as this is the way and the means to equalizing myself to the physical as an instrument of life, which is accepting the gift of life here, to become equal in creation with life as the physical.

Day 588 Who I am within the Systemic Culture of Women Day 3

Day 3

My assessment of emotional bondings between people/woman may , at times, be correct, but the reaction I have towards it is not a solution. I end up just moving into a silent morality based on my own past of having done the same and not wanting to admit to it and to instead become brutally self honest and calling a cup a cup. My projections are my imaginations, which is built of my past actions. I mean I am projecting using my own experience, thus judging my own past behaviors where I did the same. I used emotional ties to survive. Which means I used emotional bonds to escape a fear as an idea only that in reality was a split from common sense of which the physical is the ground of and as.  This probably started as a child, where I had not yet developed the words to express myself.

Emotional ties that do not move into a solution, are not real bonds, they are too volatile and really have no strength.  Because emotions are so volatile and fickle, imagine a child having to learn to face them? Many adults cannot deal with such volatility and fickleness! As a child, I would probably agree to emotions, because it would be better to agree and wait for the storm to burn out than to attempt to answer. I have become the adult that lead to my own behavior. I can blame no one else and the only  choice is to self realize, and for each to do the same, because this behavior is what is the limitation and has no real justification, even if it is not directly my individual “ fault” as some may believe. 

On another front. what I must realize and watch for, to self correct with every breath is the  problem that  what I have accepted and allowed has become a layered construct of such self interest without common sense as an automated habit, that if not addressed creates a behavior of limitation, and since this is an insecure movement, it remains until one learns to walk in practical common sense of what is real, as the physical world as this is where we all live, I mean this is what is here as what we see, without which we are not here! Why engross capacity within such limitation as mind ignoring natter?

Imagine facing me, as I am within a storm of emotion, where I am so busy projecting values about what another is doing without investigation that I see nothing else?  As parents and adults, within emotional reactions, that we believe to be so real, as I have done, would it not be hard for a child to speak up past such projections that are really acts of spite and blame in a paranoid fear of loss that in the end has no real standing in the actual living experience on a physical world? No, they don’t. 

Imagine leaving work after a very stressful day. Imagine having gotten a phone call at work where something happened to one of your children, or a good friend and you become very upset. As you walk to your car, in your state of all manner of projections, such as imagining the worse case scenario, and a whole slew of back chat going on in your mind about the problems at work that had made the day so difficult. Are the thoughts about who did or did not do this or that, and/or how could this or that person have said this or that?  So, all of this mental distraction of judgement based on a fear of losing some  idea of how self is defined, as the voices of spite spin around in your mind, that the presence of self is absent, so one is absent from presence as being a physical expression of life, from common sense of one’s surroundings, and as such drops the car keys in the snow, or does not sense how windy it really is and loses a bunch of papers from work as the wind’s acknowledgement is blocked through an absence of sensing physical reality as one is busy in the mind only. So, not only are the keys dropped, but the papers fly off into the distance. This all causes more problems, because one is so lost in fantasy as the mind, that a common sense of reality is lacking and mishaps occur as one does not use physical sensibilities to gage reality as the mind seems more real. In other words, a lack of physical presence causes more problems, and problems cannot be solved when the movement is into judgements, into spite and blame based on judgements. overall, nothing is grounded. In reality, solutions can only be carried out here, with the physical. 

In judging two or more in an intimate conversation, this drama is in my mind, having no basis in practical reality. It is myself comparing values as ideas about who and what I am, with worst case scenario outcomes should the ideas I have about myself be lost, all of this happening without any respect for life, for the physical. It is an emotional storm in a bubble and that is all. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that others are within their own self interest conspiring against me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that others are conspiring against the ideas I have about myself as an accepted and allowed self induced construct of belief as mind made larger than life, and as such disrespectful of physical reality, that which is the means of myself as life here, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not respect what is obviously right here in front of me, as the physical, as this is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the emotions of another, to believe that there is no recourse for the emotions of another, or a group.

I forgive myself for not having listened and realized such  as a separate entity of belief,  to the voices in and as a construct as my mind, a resonant construct built of values of what would make me more than another, or of values that would lead to myself being a success as idea only without practical consideration of what it means to get things done in this physical practical reality, causing myself to reject as an appearance and  personification as idea that which I believed would not build a personification of acceptance to survive, a game in a bubble of self interest and occupation as energy as emotion and compounded emotion as a separate creation within built of values known as feeling energy, a false positive that I believe is directive of myself as life, all of which is really my own conspiracy in separation from practical physical reality, thus I project what I believe as mind, a limitation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how acknowledging emotions as a way to build relationships to survive is so consuming, and becomes such a habit that what is right in front of me as practical reality is ignored causing all manner of consequence as emotions are unstable as energy lacking a stability that is sound and as such gentle, directive and sustainable, as having the presence of mind equal to the physical - to all life, that all life is considered and respected which would lead to what can withstand the test of time, and occupy all the senses to the point where a life would be lived to the fullest.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to stand as an energetic storm within and as my mind of conspiracy instead of accepting myself as life, being practical here, equal and one in respect of creation, which is physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to accept the gift of life which is to have a presence of mind equal to the physical, in all common sense.

I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding that I am what I judge, as I am within and as being reactive towards others, a reaction within myself, based on limited belief, opinion and idea,  a conspiracy of my own volition, as mind, having not considered the physical the pii cycle, the circle of life, the sound of life,  as the physical here.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to move as the circle of life as what stains and supports that which is the means of expression as life, as the physical, which is a practical living.

When and as I sense a film, so to speak, of gloom and doom, an idea of loss as a weighted substance - so to speak, coming down from my head across my physical body, a sinking down sensation, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I realize within taking the time to assess my self constructed and allowed habituated thoughts built of ideas, limited and made huge and as such a heavy weight that takes time to enlighten with practicality, and as such, I stop, I breath, I slow way down, and forgive the thoughts of unworthiness, of fear of loss, of loss of hope for an ideological gain,  of a belief in an end game based on lack of depth perception, as a mutation of myself as a personification only, and I stop and ground myself here, into practical physical reality, accepting the gift of life, and I take the time to self correct, paying attention to my voice, until I am stable here, until I have investigated practical reality within and as moving emotional separation into what gives self direction in ways that does no harm as this is accepting the self, empowering the self as life, here.

When and as I believe that responsibility is difficult I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down as reality as the physical is a common sense structure as the means of creation, visible, understandable, practical.

When and as I find being responsible as a physical being is difficult, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I realize that I am here, an adult,  a living being, who can evaluate, examine, practical physical reality as this is the means of life, this physical reality is life in creation, as what a real parent would give as the gift of life, directly here, right in front of me, where heaven and earth were one and equal in all practical common sense.

When and as I find emotions accumulating in my solar plexus manifest as a building pressure, I stop and I breath, and I see realize and understand this sole/soul construct as a separate yet self accepted and ideologically driven entity in separation from practical reality, as my disrespect of life as the physical, and as such, my own rejection and thus state of lack of responsibility for life, as the physical, as my self separating from being practical here.

When and as I find myself reacting to emotions, either responding as emotion in fear of loss and abdication of self  responsibility, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand what is a practical movement/directive that can withstand the test of time as what supports self empowerment as a common sense of what it means to be practical here.

When and as I allow an inferiority of belief that i am potentially being eliminated, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I realize the limited values of such a belief construct are built of my past, as a child, and not what I am here, as I can ground myself here in physical reality and become self directive in self honesty, within and as practical application within what is best for all, as what sustains, as what withstands the test of time.