Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Day 678 Who am I Within How I Focus Myself Here?

I notice I have something accumulating in my solar plexus. I woke after clicking on a tarot card notice that brought up the card ‘ comparison.’

And I have been worried about money. 

It is this idea that I am limited in my movements based on the amount of money I have at present. And yet, when I look at this, I am moving in many ways, setting up appointments and following through, which is the way and the means of building movement that leads to an outcome.

I notice that when I begin to self doubt, I begin to compare. Then I am caught up in weighing and measuring within limited values, in fear of failure. I can look at this word and change it to be defined in supportive ways.  I see the word ‘ ail’ within this word and the word ‘ur’ , as meaning the ailment of the starting point, which is moving within limitations; limitations being value judgements as my ur-sprung point!. I am comparing myself to another form, and believing that perhaps because my form does not meet that form, there is something wrong. I must tell myself there is never one way. Being creative means finding new and/or other ways.  As it is all about building relationships that are stable. If I look at chemistry, there are many different shapes and sizes that can come together, like a puzzle and create a form that functions with ease in this world. There are many ways to fill in the gaps.  This gap filling can meet in the middle, one supporting the other, being of the same nature yet with different means. Thus I cannot really compare myself to another form and yet I can learn from another form.This really is a perfect design.

If money represents the energy I accept and allow as the division of myself within the act of comparison in a narrow focus of beliefs, I move into survival and lose attention to a starting point of inferiority within my own natural ability to assess and evaluate and investigate and create.  And, I allow a whole chain reaction of values about myself based on ideas that become a seemingly endless cycle of comparison. My relationships of trust, can be created with individuals and with small groups, where the energy/support flows in manageable ways, extending my presence through another vein of the form of the structures on this physical world. 

Within music, as within performing, there is this point where I realized that I form the sound, I take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and form the sound, realizing I can decide the ending and the starting of the notes, and how the volume of the form as the sound can express itself. I notice that my attention within making this decision,  can accelerate when I make the decision to attend to what it is that I am doing in a moment. I have the ability to be aware of what I sound in every moment. And it is the decision to do this, that then opens up that ability to assess and balance. Starting from a point of insecurity and worrying about what another has or does or thinks, does not allow myself to focus on every nuance of what it is that I myself am doing! Also, within making the decision to focus on what I am doing within the very measure of what I am creating, has a sudden nature of being able to not only assess my measure but also, the measure of another as the values they are creating. It is that this decision to focus removes the judgement and opens up discernment. There is a kind of irony here, within this, because in so many ways this is the opposite of following only!  This opens up real participation, and real participation is the means of expansion in self discovery of the qualities of being present and using a natural ability to discern and self direct in substantive ways.

When I allow myself to participate, in the manner of being self responsible, I realize my natural ability to change, that I can assess what is here, practicing myself back into what is a natural ability to change, and realizing that remaining focused here, is what allows that natural ability to change, to move. It is to say the answer is in being what I fear the most, which is being self responsible here, naming the game and changing the game within common sense of what I would want, which is what is best for me, and as a consequence in considering here, what is best for all.

In all, being here is natural, allowing comparison within an idea of one-size-fits-all is unnatural. This means that I need not hold onto any imagined values only, because in focusing on the values of what is here as the physical as a starting point,  I need not hold onto anything, and realize that within this, I have a greater discernment and a natural compassion that is gentle because it realizes that being present and assessing what is here as the physical world, is where solutions are formed and lived and this natural ability to do so is found within being present and focused, placing my creative ability within reality.

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