Friday, January 1, 2016

Day 674 Value judgements as the data I allowed to define me in fear of being self responsible.

I looked at a memory that came up in relation to friend of mine of many years, that I do not have much to do with even though we live very close to one another.  I remember as a teenager that I would become annoyed with her because she tended to disappear suddenly when I was with other teenagers in the area where I spent my summers.  I remember becoming frustrated that this peer removed herself from the group in random and sudden ways. I felt as though that I was not good enough for her, and by association, when she was not there, I was missing something. I placed some value on her that I believed I lost when she was not present.

I ask myself what the values are that I projected onto her? I felt that she had grace and awareness that I did not have. And instead of listening to her, as in understanding her perspective, I made it into something that I lacked. Instead of standing up and realizing the measure of her insight, I allowed myself to believe that if I were not her steady friend it meant that I lacked that quality and others would realize this and I would be discovered to lack something.

I tend to use the words gentle and grace a lot in terms of what I deem important in others, I even have done this with my choices of men. I project a simple grace onto others believing that I somehow lack this. And yet, at times, when I was most calm, and relaxed, I could come forward and speak in ways that solved problems and calmed emotional storms, thus to say that I lack the steady insight that often needs no real force to show insight, is not something that I lack. 

I find I have a fear within being this.  And I have a sense, like in a video game when one has to move a figure though swinging doors, or swinging bolders of rock, that one has to time the move in such a way that the action figure manages to make it through the tricky ‘ gate’  in the way to their goal. A sense of fear of not making it through comes up. And, even within this, I have experienced being calm, watching the pattern of the obstacles movement and gently moving through it with ease. 

Hence, this is myself, when in fear, when in uncertainty, seeing the idea of not making it through over being present and sensing the space and the time in the physical movement. What I project onto this is an entity of ideas, beliefs and opinions in fear of loss and consequences of this loss made into this huge vision within me. Moving through the swinging rocks or doors, is a form, it is a shape, it has a rhythm, it has space between the movements, one can move through that space. One can sense that space, unless one believes the movie in one’s mind to be more real than the physical world one faces.

In relation to my friend, I realize that  what I projected onto her, was about me and not her. Also, there is an element of understanding that she disappeared because she was the same as myself, now that I have known her for many years.  It is having allowed information as ideas, beliefs and opinions within to be the guide instead of being here, in the physical, understanding from and function of physical reality, where, unfortunately there are many swinging doors and swinging rocks because I have allowed ideas, beliefs and opinions to be more real that what was actually real around me, as the physical. And the consequence of this lack of being present and gentle and careful in assessing the physical world as what one projected as a mind consciousness of fear based on lacking attention to the physical, and imposing a huge idea onto reality, has caused a systemic design that blocks access to being able to move unless one understands that system. And why, because unless one is grounded in reality, one does not have the responsibility to direct in ways that do no harm. The elite of this world have a  system to protect them from those who have allowed a mind consciousness of False Evidence Appearing Real as ideas, beliefs and opinions in the mind CONscience to direct the machine of one’s physical body, and this directive is too busy in fear, in that false information as measure, to be allowed to move onto the next level because there is no real self responsibility. Hence the elite try and order this world in a way that controls that lack in each. And, they are in the interim in fear of losing what they have, and end up projecting this same fear onto everything. So every one is fearing everyone else, which overall is a misuse of one’s physical body and memory into a separation from reality, the physical. This is that valley of the shadow of good and evil, this is the storm on earth, this is why heaven could exist and yet does not exist on this earth, on this reality.

What I projected onto my friend as having, was what I rejected within myself, because it meant that I had to face the storm of separation as the bubbles of beliefs that cover the earth as this mind consciousness of fear, of believing some information based on a picture in one’s mind , as memory, to be more real than reality. The emotions and feelings that one vents, as one can only speak what one is, as one can only form the information that is you, and that one perpetually sounds, as this is what is accepted and allowed, all the tensions and “ pulls’ into value as the colors one uses, intensified with staccato sounds, or elongated slurs,  will always reveal what measure one accepts, and the lack of definition in one’s sound structures as one’s words, through what we speak. 

Everything is heard, just as the inner whine I had about my friend, where I was crying my own lack,  chasing a value I believed my friend to have, ignoring the means as the values to realize myself because I feared really looking at what I was doing because it meant that I had to forgive what I accepted and stand up and be responsible. The irony is that what I sought was already me, I had just warped it into a distant value, way off there somewhere outside of me, via imagery, like a shattered self, like that humpty dumpty character in children’s stories. I mean those stories are there for a reason, so we cannot blame anyone for our lack, because the answers are always right in front of us. We have to become the directors of our within, and make sure it is as that action figure, standing there, sensing the rhythm of the life that is right here in front of us, and simply walking through the physical with grace and awareness, of which our physical selves when focused here are the perfect forms to be and do. 

Would this not be what was meant by being the living word? Is not the living word the words of the values of those swinging rocks and/or doors, and would not that measure, that data that comes directly from the physical world, be the means to understand the measure in space and time and enable one to sense the rhythms and forms and move with ease? As has been said, it is but a veil that separates one from life.

If we were to call that shattered self the survival character, that sounds the measure of fear, as false beliefs and ideas and opinions that are the self not looking here as physical practical reality, and that shattered self that cries lack because that is the measure accepted and allowed, what if that cry were much like a micro wave on the waters of life that is in everything on this earth? What is that microwave of limitation as beliefs, opinions and ideas of a whine of lack, could infiltrate the physical waters of this earth, and just as a micro wave destroy the water molecules and end up shattering the physical world slowly over time until there was nothing left? What if the trees around us, placed all over this earth were growing weaker and weaker because of the behaviors of an inner consciousness that was of value judgements of lack and the gain hoped for in racing from the believed and accepted lack as idea , belief and opinion within and as one’s mind consciousness, that shook and wavered within the limitation, that was what really microwaved existence to the point where the physical world shattered and fell apart? We all know that water can carry resonance, so is this not possible? If we look around is this not what is happening?

There are people who are writing words and placing them onto vessels holding water. The problem here is that this is not that person taking responsibility within themselves within and as the measure of themselves within. And yet, the answer is to be that action figure, to ground one’s self here, equal to the measure of the physical, and to assess the physical and move within the space of the physical, no judgement except to understand the living quality of the physical thing.

This takes slowing down, becoming respectful of the physical, and being respectful is being thankful, is being graceful, is being gentle, to realize the values, the qualities before one, and to move in accord with that living thing. We can do this, we can assess what we have accepted and allowed as the ghost in the machine that is a Humpty Dumpty, a system of false evidence appearing to be real that if one looks has charged values that pull one into an alternate reality of measure that stops one from moving here in grace and ease, as is the capacity of self as a physical being, just as you learned to crawl and to walk, to pet an animal, to sense the quality of water, to enjoy the coolness of ice cream, all of this is the capacity of you as a physical form, the warped values are like a pull into an idea, that if this has been allowed has become a habit, automated, layered and determining of your actions. This can all be balanced and reformed, as your neurons will move and change, yet, this has to be done by each.

Ground yourself, breath, slow down, begin to see the entity of beliefs, opinions and ideas, begin to see what projections pull you into that constant conflict of value judgement, as this is self chasing a value that is already within and as what you really are. What you resist is what persists, because what you resist is the means to your self responsibility which is what you really seek, as this is what will calm the waters of life, within and without, and ground presence here, to enable the presence of you as life, to build an understanding of life, to become the creator you are meant to be. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my friend as having something I believed I did not have.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being considered lacking in a quality such as being gentle which I associated with being aware and insightful, believing myself to lack this ability, within and as believing myself to be unworthy, when what I was busy with was a belief in a lack, based on a past where I rushed in desire not slowing down to assess the world around me, as I accepted and allowed an excitement to direct me as a value judgement in self interest, without slowing down to see, realize and understand the physical world around me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to within this, become ashamed of myself, as within this, there is a presence that I am aware of what it is that I am doing as I allowed a fear of  failure based on the same actions that caused the mis-take to determine who and what I believed myself to me, and as a consequence accumulated a memory of lack, that was not grounded in the practical reality around me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being present here, and to fear being labeled as not being good enough, as not being lucky enough, where luck simply means that I had enough information to direct to and towards what I desired, and the opposite as unluck simply means that I did not investigate enough to allow myself to accomplish a goal.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to chase after another person and then to react to that person’s resistance instead of seeing realizing and understanding that this was about me, this reaction was my own self interest, based on an idea of who and what I was instead of being present here, applying practical applications that valued the physical characteristics of the life that was /is me that is all around me, where the rhythm and design and movement of that life is visible and able to be sensed and moved with and as in clarity and calm, and certainty and steadiness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear pointing this out against the storm of beliefs, opinions and ideas of and as entities that are ghosts  in the machine within men, creating hued men, as walking mind consciousness bubbles in separation from the practical reality, where the only solution is to ground myself, assess here, equalize my within to the without as what is here, and a system that is the consequence of the separation of men from reality, to within and as every breath, to remain in understanding with the physical, as this is the way and the means to ground the ideas , beliefs and opinions that I have allowed to define me, to move into being grounded in reality, seeing realizing and understanding that this is stabilizing the physical world that is what life is, as life would be physical information working in synergistic and symbiotic ways and means as creation would be and do, sharing the means of being as each can understand because all is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that it is too late,

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that it is never too late, as creation is life, and life is built of sound information, hence the only way and means is to realize this, and to value the physical around me as me, as this is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel I have wasted myself being a mind consciousness of self interest,   instead of realizing the value is life and remaining grounded in every move, taking that which is good and does no harm.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that facing the storm of separation as a mind consciousness infiltrating the waters of life in the wold around me is impossible to sort out, when the solution is to walk here, to remain grounded and to realize the practical in relation to respecting the physical world, and how I can build a memory of storied/layered information that is of value judgements in separation from the practice of assessing reality, which means that it is understood as to how this works, as the media uses this in self interest, as each is doing within themselves, to program layers of information that comes to direct the machine as the physical creating personalities that then assess in the present collection of data on each personality to order the system, yet this is overall a system of separation from the physical world, from life, and a system that will destroy the physical as it is not equal and one to the practice of living in creation, equal and one.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how that data collection is myself, as I collected data, as measure about my friend, in a desire to be associated with that data, I allowed to become a god of information that I then chased, not seeing realizing and understanding that I projected what I lacked onto another, as what I had rejected to be do and have, as the ability to assess the reality around me and move in self responsible ways, as this behavior was a self abdication that I turned into a smoke and mirrors show of chasing a desire and labeling myself as inferior, instead of slowing down and realizing I rejected the means I sought, as being grounded here in reality,, so I rejected what was me, what was my greatest strength and ended up chasing my own rejection,  which was overall a picture show within and as me.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that practice of being physical, as assessing the physical world around me, is the means to the end, as the grounding of myself here, which is fun, and the ability of myself as life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to give up my own self pity that is a consequence of all of this.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being happy, because I fear the joy of self responsibility will cause conflict within and as a world where a mind consciousness reigns as a paranormal entity as a ghost in the machine that screams its lack which is a measure, a layer of information, which we all see, realize and understand as we compare ourselves to others and project values as measures onto others and believe as I have done that that value is not what I am,  which is myself telling myself what I have rejected - as in what i have created within and as me-where the only solution is to ground myself here, no matter what, as this is being equal and one and in respect of life.

When and as I find myself becoming energy, as what a projection that is charged with a value judgement is within and as me, I stop, and I breathe, and I slow myself down, and I become calm, gentle, steady, and I assess the measure of the physical world around me, to see the rhythm and form inherent in the design, and I become equal and one to the practical application of creation as the physical to realize that which does no harm and takes that which is good and respect the value being life, here.

When and as I find myself  longing for a value in the guise of desiring to be associated with another person, I stop and I breath, and I slow  myself down and I see, realize and understand what I fear, where I fear being myself as the capacity inherent in what and who I am, as the ability to assess the practical world as the physical here, and my own accepted and allowed energetic values and I ground this in the practical here, becoming the practice of allowing myself to be gentle, to be calm, to assess, investigate, become aware of, life, here, as the physical.

When and as I find myself reacting to wanting to associate with someone or something, I stop and  I breath, and I slow myself down, and I realize the value I have projected through association as a belief, opinion or idea, and I become calm, and assess the characteristics of the physical reality around me, and my habits of belief, until I am calm, stable, serene, steady, seeing realizing and understanding that all mis-takes can be corrected as this is how I learned to crawl and to walk, to build understanding here, thus in every moment I can slow down, assess and direct in ways that cause no harm as this is myself being in respect of creation, which is myself being thankful for the life that is me that is all around me as me, here.

When and as I find myself fearing to be at ease, to be happy, to be in joy of being here, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I practice being grounded here, in respect of the physical and in cross reference of what I have accepted and allowed as value judgements within and as me, as the layered information that I use to assess in self interest, which reveals how I become the information I accept and allow in separation from considering all things and building an awareness that is layered with practical application in respect of the physical, to be and live in equality and oneness with and as life, which is to become the living word here.

When and as I find myself fearing to be practical in the face of limited information within and without, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down, and I see realize and understand that my fear is simply false evidence appearing real, as value judgements as fear of loss, as hope for a gain, as a label/construct of information I seek in self interest, and I come back down to earth, realizing the value is being here, equal and one to and as the physical.

When and as I find myself tensing up in my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I assess the data, as the measure of my beliefs, opinions and ideas, flowing down from a mind consciousness into my solar plexus and into my chest, I stop and I breathe, and I ground myself here, assessing the physical world, to build self trust in being present here, equal and one to and as life as the physical.

When and as I find myself becoming uncertain, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I realize where I exist within and as myself as a value judgement that is data, that I have accepted and allowed to layer within and as me, and I assess the wold around me, to consider all things, to become the change I want to see, in thought word and deed, until I am stable, calm, serene, grounded, present, and I direct within the practice of physical beingness, here.

When and as I find myself resisting what is here, I stop and I breath, and I assess within and without as the sum of the layered information I have accepted and allowed to define me in fear of survival and as a consequence an action of self interest , to instead become/practice a more synergistic action with myself in tandem with reality, which means to work in coordination with what is here, where the sum of the parts as including the physical, working together creates a whole expanding in awareness in thought word and deed in equality and oneness with creation information, the physical.

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