Day 853 An overuse of the imagination, a sense of loss and giving myself permission to be simple

I have noticed lately some back chat and imaginations increasing within myself. It is a movement where I suddenly find myself IN-volved in an inner imaginative playout of .. mostly working with what I perceive within myself as “ injustice” like situations. I have recognized this more rapidly and simply stopped. I can remember when I first started this process how difficult it appeared to be to stop such “ worm-hole” like DISTRACTIONS from focusing all of me, as the life that is me here, to living here, in this moment, equal to a consideration of all things, this place where I can realize that there are no problems and ONLY solutions. 

I stand back and look at the overall emotional tenure of what is existing within me as a resonant construction. I notice lately two things, and these have to do with consequential changes in my life. One is that my children are basically a much smaller part of my life, and hence a sense of being alone. Another, is some friction within expectations in relation to what I bring forward into this reality. Within this I realize that what I share is basically a very very simple thing that can have a huge impact in a person’s life. The conflict is the difference between an over-use of my imagination and the contrast of realizing the simplicity of something and relating that to its impact in allowing another to process and recognize what they are realizing and living within them selves and the greater reality around them as this physical existence. It is to say that I continue to polarize values and that itself is a distraction from realizing the simple being a means to correct that very thing I find myself once again being caught within. Another way to say this is a sense that being simple is somehow not allowed. I have to give myself permission to realize an old adage that “ if someone cannot explain something to a child, then one does not really know that of which they speak! 

It is in allowing the simple that I find I am more able to play and be patient and direct with greater effect. This, overall, a contradiction to beliefs that something must involve pain to grow, or that realizing solutions involves fighting for something, when in effect it is the opposite. I mean, the statement that realizes if someone cannot explain something to a third grader, for example, means that they really do not know that of which they speak, is an equation that reveals that real solutions are actually simple. If we contrast that to our present hyper-emotional and polarized doom and gloom generating media, we might just realize the difference and find our way back to our own innocence! 

It is as though being emotional is “ not having enough information,” and that being emotional is being in a polarized alternate imaginary inner resonant storm that is a storm in a tea-cup that has been “

 normalized” when within well known adages, the opposite of what is promulgated as normal is that which is abnormal! This would be difficult to process conceptually is one is running in an inner energetic storm of good and bad, right and wrong, less than and more than. Remember, we humans are happy when we are doing and unhappy when we are not. Doing, involves being focused on the practical. That means realizing each simple step by step movement that actually gets things done. That moves with a greater ease as the nature of real doing involves a focus that lacks distraction and tension. 

Everything is a math, even a system of distraction. Overall, nothing can define who and what we are but by acceptance and allowance. That is a huge gift in itself. 

Thus, back to myself, I realize that I am feeling, and as such distracted from being present, that I am suddenly more alone. And two, that this over-blown  imagination and state of value judgement which is a fear, is limiting a sense of realizing the simple in another area of my life. And, within that, that I give myself permission to realize the simple, which by extension opens up a realization that I am able to have fun within what I do because in effect, it is something that can be explained to a child. And, within that, I have explained this to many children and they tend to get it right away! 

The difference is like using a sextant on a ship. When one practices a correct and careful word recognition ability, one’s sextant use will more than likely bring them into a port of their choice, whereas an incorrect inner GPS building will lead their course way off of the port their choice! 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as me, as my beingness, as a belief that I am alone.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that I am suddenly alone as my children have become independent of me.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself, as my beingness, to see realize and understand that I am the life that is here as this earth, a life that is a creation that is physical in form and function revealing itself as creation manifest, evident in a system that is constructed and allowed by all of mankind, within and as the development of religions that distract from being in consideration of all things, and of behaviors such as my own, of living in a resonant storm of charged beliefs of a more than and a less than, this in itself a distraction from being focused and in consideration of all things, as being in regard of all things here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that as life, situations grow and change, morph and move into different forms of interaction and communication, and as such, within and as my own life, at the moment, I am moving into a situation where I have time and space to consider what I like, what perspectives and insights as the life of me, can be and share and develop which is a gift in and of itself here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I am always, in all ways, all one here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself as my beingness, to believe that things must be complicated when in fact, solutions are by nature usually the next simple step, and that the accumulation of simple steps leads to being able to process more complex forms, which is a simple and really cool ways and means to and towards self improvement and development.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be and come to an overuse of my imagination, within and as allowing “ righteous” and justice seeking payouts within and as my imagination, which are really a reflection of an inner fear, where in this moment i see a relationship within this to and towards a fear of being left out, and a fear of ineffective communication where I have these inner imaginative play-outs spinning in a desire to blame and spite resistances I imagine will automatically exist within and as my immediate environment, when in effect, I have walked and faced many such resistances, and brought common sense into the picture thus my own fears and reactions as such fears within myself are simply an absence of living in thought, word and deed that which is simple and most often fun and playful in relation to understanding how this physical state of being actually works.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as my inner focus as a distraction of and as fear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be distracted within and as worrying and imagining worst case scenarios in separation from myself as life, as my beingness, being focused here, realizing the simple and having fun and being playful within and as that, to realize in thought, word and deed that which is in consideration of all things to regard with awe, the magnificence of creation that is life as this physical expression of form and function that us earth here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as an idea of what is right and an expectation of what is right being accepted, when in effect, this is a focus of distraction instead of remaining here, breathing, slowing down and playing with focus, as the physical body in its expression here, when this is visible and can be felt, where what is really huge is the physical creation of life that is here in all ways always, as this is in plain sight here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself as my beingness to see, realize and understand that I am life and that as this life, I determine the physical state of this life within and as the very fabric of my physical body, in and as the very focus of me here, where tensions and frictions within and as my body, reveal my acceptances and allowances, played out within my over-used imagination, that is something I as the life that is me, can direct, and as such I give myself permission to life being present and focused here, to realize the simple and to have fun as inherent in being focused and present is real discovery and the living of solutions that are what is best for all, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself as my beingness, to focus myself within a narrow field of charged value judgements and as such to live within a survival suit as a belief instead of remaining focused and in respect of this living breathing creation that is physical, and here in plain sight.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to resist and suppress seeing the mind, a mind as an overuse of the imagination, that has not real constancy and sustainability, and therefor has a nature of being intense and insistent and then suddenly ending, where in my state of resisting and running from this and being in my own gloom and doom fear mode, not seeing realizing and understanding the patterns within and as the nature of this, to the extent I can able to stand equal to such states-of-separation realizing that nothing can define me,  but what I accept and allow, and as such am able to realize patterns and process form and function and movement, to define and realize the space and then to play and reform and ground in ways that allow self discovery as within this, there need be no self validation as the real value is realizingin thought, word and deed,  that which beings insight into who and what we really are as creation that is expressed in physical form, to realize the only choice is to exist within and as heaven on earth here, where all life is considered and respected as being the real value here. 

I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding how my physical body, to a greater extent, is gifting me as life the means to understand this reality as that being who and what I am here, as I am life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become engrossed in a resonant bubble of information, and instead of being focused here, realizing that nothing can define who and what i am, and yet as that I am able to stand equal and one with what is here for a moment without fear to process what consider and REFLECT consideration of all things as the who and what I am here, as I am life which is physical and in plain sight - the opposite of an overuse of the imagination that causes a separation from a practice of cross referencing all things as life, as the physical as this earth, here.

I commit myself to allowing and accepting myself, as my beingness, to focus here, to realize nothing can define me but who and what i am as life, which is physical, and here in plain sight, that what is constant and consistent is eternal, and grounded and sound.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that just as my imagination is changeable, and protean-like, so is the ability of myself as the heart of me, able to define terms for a moment and consider all things, regard all things and process a lack of information, with care and reflection in ways that build in a process of sharing what has a more eternal quality and is of equal consideration of all things here.

I commit myself to Slowing down and breathing, and realizing the small movements into an overuse of the imagination and myself existing within and as an idea of fear of loss and fear of standing equal and one to the simple to realize that the simple can be brought forward in thought, word and deed in every moment here, as life is always in all ways in plain sight here, as this earth in form and function.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and standing as that which grounds one’s focus into and as the innate ability of the life that is in each and everyone, to come forward and live in joy of the awe of creation that is always, in all ways in plain  sight here. 

Day 642 A reaction to a coffin carrier. The ghost in the machine composed of media and/or the past.

This weekend I came across an antique piece that was a panel on wheels, about two feet high, with a ‘Y’ fork on both sides. I kept staring at it wondering about its practical use. Meanwhile, I had a sense of dis-ease, that I would call having a quality of being morbid.

I asked about the practical use of this object, and the woman said it was to carry coffins. It made sense. Yet, I noticed that the ‘ feeling’ as the emotion was a sense of dread and fear, like the emotions were a memory that hung within me, that did not name the object specifically. Wow.

I also notice more and more how I can be doing something, and forget why I moved in a direction to ‘ do something.’ I get so caught in emotions and feelings and become that which I sensed without any real awareness in practical measure. The projection as an emotional body was ‘ stronger’ than the reality. How much am I doing this, being this, allowing this, instead of being here? Even to catch this ‘ mind over matter’ as what I allow takes my will to continually cross reference these entities of emotion in every moment, so seemingly subtle, yet so ‘ loud’ that presence here can become aware and stop this shadow world. If it can be done,  and as I say in this moment, ‘ it can be undone.’

This week also, I was reminded of an educator that developed a ‘ theory’ in the mid 1900’s. Interestingly enough, this was about 50 years after the advent of public schooling, that machine that uses this ‘ entity building’ as imagination to build constructions of knowledge that have no practical purpose and actually separate us from seeing directly here, as is our natural ability. This educators name was Vygotsky. He said that we construct knowledge and must deconstruct when we learn ‘ new’ knowledge. Yet, real ‘ knowledge is being present here, and remaining within an awareness of the practical physical world. In essence we can deconstruct - so to speak- to reconstruct in every moment. I ask myself, is this the self living here, with presence, focused? Is this the ‘ speed’ at which we are really meant to live? Do we know what this is, or do we move only as idea, as creating with our inner selves only, believing this to be what is real, more real that reality?

I mean, even so-called ‘ mindfulness’ realizes that we are not the back chat in our heads, yet do we realize that information accumulates in our physical bodies and can become a presence around us- and triggered by an object such as I experienced in crossing paths with an object I could not define in practical terms, yet also sensed an ominous emotion to in response? Is this the cult of believing emotion over reality? Is this what we have become? Is this the zombie within and as me? Is this the consequence of a mind consciousness? Is our within as polluted as the world without? Is the consequence of the pollution of the world without, the result of the separation from being present here, in this physical world as the focus of each of us on emotion and feeling entities/bodies rather than being present and here?  Am I so distant from myself being present that I have a question in my mind as ‘ what is that!” about a coffin carrier that also carries an emotional body that is ambiguous it is so distant in memory or a genetic ‘ memory’?

What have we allowed? What have we done? This appears so deep, yet it has no real substance. It is like a smoke and mirrors show, where the emotional/feeling entity is smoke and the mirrors are myself looking at the memory that in itself is so vague I miss it? And this overall, making it clear  that by its nature,  it is a projection and not real, and thus but a veil that is so thin, it has no real power. If I acknowledge this as real, then the joke is on me, because no one can change this/ deconstruct this but me/myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  become of curiosity in response to uncertainty, in relation to an object I could not name, as I was busy within and as myself as a slight ominous presence of morbidity.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not read between the lines to sense this emotion, enough to realize and name it, in terms of it being morbid, which would relate to death and coffins.

I forgive myself for becoming confused about an object, and in the moment not seeing realizing and understanding how I was possessed with an emotional entity about something from another generation, within and as me, a very distant emotion, like I was standing in another era, and then this entity being like living in the past, and how I, before walking a process of self forgiveness, would have walked away to not face such a reaction, and how much this can move a person would they not understand this, and believe such an vague seeming emotional/feeling body to seem so real, without taking the time to look at the mind and it constructs and realizing them to not be what is here, in reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as a smoke and mirrors show of the past, embedded within my genes as what has been generated by men, over time, within and as the accumulation of a mind consciousness over a life consciousness.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself, in relation to my memories, to react to an object based on an idea, as a judgement without practical investigation of the physical world, and the separation that has existed as false idols of mind consciousness aggrandizement that are an entity of the past coming up like a ghost in the machine as myself as the physical here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to project an ominous entity onto an object, and to ignore this,  in the moment only to see this upon the next moment’s introspection.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to project a value of ominousness onto a coffin carrier.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I actually have done this since childhood, meaning, when I noticed some emotional sense, in a building etc. I have wanted to move directly into it, to see, to sense what such a presence was, as though it was real, to the point at times, where friends I was with would not ‘ come with me’ which I took to mean that they sensed this too and could not face what I was noticing and even though I was scared, at times I purposely did what I resisted because I do not like people telling me what I can do and what I can’t do. lol

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to at times have allowed this to define me as being courageous, or special.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not have taken this same thing and applied this to beliefs, opinions and ideas, and instead to have reacted towards beliefs, opinions and ideas, as a good and/or a bad, and tried to impress my own beliefs, opinions and ideas, as my own limited constructs of knowledge and information without practical application and thorough investigation into and as what would be best for all, as a principled starting point that considered all things, taking that which is good and does no harm to any living thing in a physical formation of and as life, as what life would be, which is right here in front of us as this earth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the whole construct in the moment as the entity of doom and gloom, as a morbidity within seeing this coffin carrier, and my reaction as ‘ what is that’ as the back chat in my head,  that had a picture show of a funeral, that perhaps came from watching a movie, such a cluttered imagery in and as my mind, embedded as data- so to speak -in my physical body, and myself to not recognize this as what I am allowing to direct me, if I separate from being practical here, in respect of the physical world, from where such projections originate as the source of imagery that I accept and allow into memory, that diminish the life of me, as myself really living here, accepting life, accepting creation; the very means of life in expression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a fog of fear, of separation, of and as a mind consciousness only, as ideas of death being morbid only- which it is as it is not a transformative act- and being so in separation that I take this projection as being real, without critical thinking skills being applied in the moment to ground myself here, recognizing the smoke of belief as an imposition within that is not equal to living.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear death.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not investigate what I am accepting and allowing as idea as mind, to see, realize and understand the lack of presence and real substance, as life that is me here, unaffected by such projections when and as I slow myself down, and see such for what it is, a smoke and mirrors show that has not real equality and oneness with and as the physical world here.

When and as I find myself having an emotional/feeling back chat movement within and as me, as my mind, I stop and I breath, and I cross reference my accepted and allowed imaginations, projections, fantasies, as what they are as mind constructions, and I slow way down, forgive the ghosts in the machine as my physical body, and ground myself here, equal and one in common sense of life, as the physical world here.

When and as I find myself forgetting where I am and how I had decided to move myself, I stop and I breath and I bring myself here, until I am calm, serene, grounded, stable within and as my breath, no longer allowing myself to separate from here, no longer allowing myself to abdicate myself as life into a limited mind consciousness - as the choice , the only choice is to ground myself here, equal and one with and as the physical as this is me in another life, as this is what I am, in all thankfulness, humbleness and gratitude, here.

When and as I find myself uncertain and confused as to what and where I am within what I do and where I am as myself as life, I stop, I breath, I ground myself here, I investigate here, until I am stable, and then I assess the practical world as the physical, to reconstruct myself into equality and oneness with and as the physical world, here, using self forgiveness, practical application and a self correction using words to construct what is best for all as equality and oneness to and with and as the physical.

When and as I find myself moving into longing, as being ashamed of my own accepted and allowed separation, I stop and I breath, and I forgive myself to see, realize and understand that the only choice, the only real freedom is to accept the physical world as life information,  to move equal and one, in respect of and as the physical world, here.

Thus, I walk, into equality and oneness, assessing the within with the without, grounding myself here, cross referencing reality as the physical, to become the practice of and as what is best for all, respecting myself and the physical world around me that is me, to no longer allow entities of belief, idea and opinions to define me as in to separate myself from real living resisting what I fear and accepting what I believe will enable me to survive in a system of mind consciousness that has accumulated over generations of separation, into a system at present on earth that is only an entity that has no real power but what is given to it as being real, as the information of and as it has not real power to create, because it is not equal and one, with and as reality, in respect of and as life, as the very means of living, here as the physical.

                      I choose to walk and realize the physical as equal and one to and as me here. I no longer accept and allow the pictures, voices, fantasies, imaginations, projections in and as my mind to define who and what I am here. I choose life.