Day 853 An overuse of the imagination, a sense of loss and giving myself permission to be simple

I have noticed lately some back chat and imaginations increasing within myself. It is a movement where I suddenly find myself IN-volved in an inner imaginative playout of .. mostly working with what I perceive within myself as “ injustice” like situations. I have recognized this more rapidly and simply stopped. I can remember when I first started this process how difficult it appeared to be to stop such “ worm-hole” like DISTRACTIONS from focusing all of me, as the life that is me here, to living here, in this moment, equal to a consideration of all things, this place where I can realize that there are no problems and ONLY solutions. 

I stand back and look at the overall emotional tenure of what is existing within me as a resonant construction. I notice lately two things, and these have to do with consequential changes in my life. One is that my children are basically a much smaller part of my life, and hence a sense of being alone. Another, is some friction within expectations in relation to what I bring forward into this reality. Within this I realize that what I share is basically a very very simple thing that can have a huge impact in a person’s life. The conflict is the difference between an over-use of my imagination and the contrast of realizing the simplicity of something and relating that to its impact in allowing another to process and recognize what they are realizing and living within them selves and the greater reality around them as this physical existence. It is to say that I continue to polarize values and that itself is a distraction from realizing the simple being a means to correct that very thing I find myself once again being caught within. Another way to say this is a sense that being simple is somehow not allowed. I have to give myself permission to realize an old adage that “ if someone cannot explain something to a child, then one does not really know that of which they speak! 

It is in allowing the simple that I find I am more able to play and be patient and direct with greater effect. This, overall, a contradiction to beliefs that something must involve pain to grow, or that realizing solutions involves fighting for something, when in effect it is the opposite. I mean, the statement that realizes if someone cannot explain something to a third grader, for example, means that they really do not know that of which they speak, is an equation that reveals that real solutions are actually simple. If we contrast that to our present hyper-emotional and polarized doom and gloom generating media, we might just realize the difference and find our way back to our own innocence! 

It is as though being emotional is “ not having enough information,” and that being emotional is being in a polarized alternate imaginary inner resonant storm that is a storm in a tea-cup that has been “

 normalized” when within well known adages, the opposite of what is promulgated as normal is that which is abnormal! This would be difficult to process conceptually is one is running in an inner energetic storm of good and bad, right and wrong, less than and more than. Remember, we humans are happy when we are doing and unhappy when we are not. Doing, involves being focused on the practical. That means realizing each simple step by step movement that actually gets things done. That moves with a greater ease as the nature of real doing involves a focus that lacks distraction and tension. 

Everything is a math, even a system of distraction. Overall, nothing can define who and what we are but by acceptance and allowance. That is a huge gift in itself. 

Thus, back to myself, I realize that I am feeling, and as such distracted from being present, that I am suddenly more alone. And two, that this over-blown  imagination and state of value judgement which is a fear, is limiting a sense of realizing the simple in another area of my life. And, within that, that I give myself permission to realize the simple, which by extension opens up a realization that I am able to have fun within what I do because in effect, it is something that can be explained to a child. And, within that, I have explained this to many children and they tend to get it right away! 

The difference is like using a sextant on a ship. When one practices a correct and careful word recognition ability, one’s sextant use will more than likely bring them into a port of their choice, whereas an incorrect inner GPS building will lead their course way off of the port their choice! 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as me, as my beingness, as a belief that I am alone.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that I am suddenly alone as my children have become independent of me.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself, as my beingness, to see realize and understand that I am the life that is here as this earth, a life that is a creation that is physical in form and function revealing itself as creation manifest, evident in a system that is constructed and allowed by all of mankind, within and as the development of religions that distract from being in consideration of all things, and of behaviors such as my own, of living in a resonant storm of charged beliefs of a more than and a less than, this in itself a distraction from being focused and in consideration of all things, as being in regard of all things here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that as life, situations grow and change, morph and move into different forms of interaction and communication, and as such, within and as my own life, at the moment, I am moving into a situation where I have time and space to consider what I like, what perspectives and insights as the life of me, can be and share and develop which is a gift in and of itself here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I am always, in all ways, all one here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself as my beingness, to believe that things must be complicated when in fact, solutions are by nature usually the next simple step, and that the accumulation of simple steps leads to being able to process more complex forms, which is a simple and really cool ways and means to and towards self improvement and development.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be and come to an overuse of my imagination, within and as allowing “ righteous” and justice seeking payouts within and as my imagination, which are really a reflection of an inner fear, where in this moment i see a relationship within this to and towards a fear of being left out, and a fear of ineffective communication where I have these inner imaginative play-outs spinning in a desire to blame and spite resistances I imagine will automatically exist within and as my immediate environment, when in effect, I have walked and faced many such resistances, and brought common sense into the picture thus my own fears and reactions as such fears within myself are simply an absence of living in thought, word and deed that which is simple and most often fun and playful in relation to understanding how this physical state of being actually works.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as my inner focus as a distraction of and as fear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be distracted within and as worrying and imagining worst case scenarios in separation from myself as life, as my beingness, being focused here, realizing the simple and having fun and being playful within and as that, to realize in thought, word and deed that which is in consideration of all things to regard with awe, the magnificence of creation that is life as this physical expression of form and function that us earth here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as an idea of what is right and an expectation of what is right being accepted, when in effect, this is a focus of distraction instead of remaining here, breathing, slowing down and playing with focus, as the physical body in its expression here, when this is visible and can be felt, where what is really huge is the physical creation of life that is here in all ways always, as this is in plain sight here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself as my beingness to see, realize and understand that I am life and that as this life, I determine the physical state of this life within and as the very fabric of my physical body, in and as the very focus of me here, where tensions and frictions within and as my body, reveal my acceptances and allowances, played out within my over-used imagination, that is something I as the life that is me, can direct, and as such I give myself permission to life being present and focused here, to realize the simple and to have fun as inherent in being focused and present is real discovery and the living of solutions that are what is best for all, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself as my beingness, to focus myself within a narrow field of charged value judgements and as such to live within a survival suit as a belief instead of remaining focused and in respect of this living breathing creation that is physical, and here in plain sight.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to resist and suppress seeing the mind, a mind as an overuse of the imagination, that has not real constancy and sustainability, and therefor has a nature of being intense and insistent and then suddenly ending, where in my state of resisting and running from this and being in my own gloom and doom fear mode, not seeing realizing and understanding the patterns within and as the nature of this, to the extent I can able to stand equal to such states-of-separation realizing that nothing can define me,  but what I accept and allow, and as such am able to realize patterns and process form and function and movement, to define and realize the space and then to play and reform and ground in ways that allow self discovery as within this, there need be no self validation as the real value is realizingin thought, word and deed,  that which beings insight into who and what we really are as creation that is expressed in physical form, to realize the only choice is to exist within and as heaven on earth here, where all life is considered and respected as being the real value here. 

I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding how my physical body, to a greater extent, is gifting me as life the means to understand this reality as that being who and what I am here, as I am life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become engrossed in a resonant bubble of information, and instead of being focused here, realizing that nothing can define who and what i am, and yet as that I am able to stand equal and one with what is here for a moment without fear to process what consider and REFLECT consideration of all things as the who and what I am here, as I am life which is physical and in plain sight - the opposite of an overuse of the imagination that causes a separation from a practice of cross referencing all things as life, as the physical as this earth, here.

I commit myself to allowing and accepting myself, as my beingness, to focus here, to realize nothing can define me but who and what i am as life, which is physical, and here in plain sight, that what is constant and consistent is eternal, and grounded and sound.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that just as my imagination is changeable, and protean-like, so is the ability of myself as the heart of me, able to define terms for a moment and consider all things, regard all things and process a lack of information, with care and reflection in ways that build in a process of sharing what has a more eternal quality and is of equal consideration of all things here.

I commit myself to Slowing down and breathing, and realizing the small movements into an overuse of the imagination and myself existing within and as an idea of fear of loss and fear of standing equal and one to the simple to realize that the simple can be brought forward in thought, word and deed in every moment here, as life is always in all ways in plain sight here, as this earth in form and function.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and standing as that which grounds one’s focus into and as the innate ability of the life that is in each and everyone, to come forward and live in joy of the awe of creation that is always, in all ways in plain  sight here. 

Day 821 Looking at a State of Innocence

So this looping, this constant dialogue in my head is myself not being here, myself not being in that state of innocence, that affords/brings/rises-up a smile of joy, of innocence, of lack of blame- and instead is more of a sharing, a being, a presence that forgives all trespasses. Funny how the real words are here in existence to guide and direct us, if we would only look and slow down and listen. This state that is more natural than the projections of personifications. Projections that are because of a fear of being what is essentially more real, as that state of innocence. As those who fear being that, state of innocence fear acknowledging and admitting  to a STATE OF SEPARATION. 

Our political, POLES I CALL/ I LABEL/I ACCEPT are the literal STATES bullying even within their words, assuming dominance. I did not pay my excise tax bill, and received a second notice that contained the words in capital letters DEMAND. I thought, why send a second notice that was so aggressive ? The word on the notice being in capital letters as a “DEMAND”!!!!!! WE DAMANDDD that YOU PAY! I mean really. Is that any way to treat a living person, especially in this economic climate? These are PEOPLE sending out these notes. This is not done by some invisible hand or “ iron fist.” This is done, the words chosen, by a system that exists by a collective of  PEOPLE. Like a bunch of peas, pulling something, warping reality, FORGETTING the self as physical life and FOR GETTING an ideological personification of a more-than and a less-than as the voices in the head that is the indicator that one is mis-using the mind, and even STUCK in ONLY being the mind as a set body of information mis-used as over-used creating a state of separation from self as life, as the living body that is what enables one to exist. That which is PULLED as POLARIZED as value judgements lacking any real consideration from what it means to be a physical state of being, composed of the same building blocks as a plant. 

I mean, just as a plant requires basic fundamental elements to exist as its expression, so does and is the human. If that structural living thing is lacking in the basic fundamental elements that composes its ability to express and BE, it goes into stress and does not function in its real capacity. We understand this with plants, and so it is with the “ walking plants” called humans - and the many animals and insects. 

I will return to talking about innocence. In contrast, I have a twin sister. I have a person in my life that I was with from the get go. Yes, we have screamed and yelled at one another. BUT, there is this quality, this sense that none of this matters. It is as though, we remember on some deep level how we built ourselves because we were there as we built who and what we have become. It has a feel that we are in a STATE of suspension. It is as though we know on some level that we are playing a game. No matter what we are more readily able to let the past go, as though we remember that we have entered a “ twilight zone” of stepping outside of something. Almost like, somewhere at some time, we made a pact that we would remember. There is this quality of realizing the storms are meaningless. 

Also, there are people in my life that no matter what, no matter what clouds may appear, what remains is a sense of joyful play. Meaning, the person opens a sense of wanting to smile. When we see one another, we want to smile. I remember meeting this one person years ago, and that same thing happened, even though I did not know much about them. It is like when we sometimes meet someone for a moment, and that same sense of knowing one another happens. It has a quality of calm, or joy and a sense that it does not matter if one never sees them again. What remains is a sense of something eternal and that in itself is the gift. The same quality happens when one discovers something, to the extent one need not force that quality to appear in a moment again, it remains, it is constant, it cannot be lost. This state of innocence has an endurance that remains there, always no matter the storm. When we do something that we, with hindsight, realize was not the best choice, that more eternal quality is there. The answer when coming out of a storm and sensing this quality, is shame. We are ashamed of our own actions.

Ever want to blame something, and at the same time, there is an awareness that one is doing just that? That quality of wanting to blame and knowing full well one cannot blame anything because self FORGOT that sense of joy, that sense of what is eternal, that sense of discovery, that sense of being able to hold something that needs no recognition from anyone because one KNOWS. If we are caught up in an over-use of the imagination, which is being MIND ONLY, we cause/create/practice/build a STATE of separation. If many do this, it becomes a living system. This living system is full of DEMANDS because it is a system of anger. Anger is the self having LOST that sense of joy, of discovery, of remembering that eternal quality that no one can take away because that is the self in expression as self as life that is of that quality of innocence which is a quality of NO BLAME, NO DEMAND, NO FEAR. 

I have had to involve myself with two “ committees” in the system. What I realize, is that it takes time for me to SEE THE TIMING. Meaning to see what is essentially like trying to hold a slippery fish in your hand. The system itself is a pretty cool structural system that does allow one to make choices that consider many things, to make the choice of no harm. YET, within that, it is the people who are the slippery fish. They are basically all over the place, and have a hard time realizing the structures. It appears that the structures are complicated, when in reality they are not as complicated as we might think, as we might believe. I can see where one can, as a mind state of separation, become so frustrated. One must take the time to realize the slippery state of this, and at the same time realize/understand inherent structures that can be used to implement what is best.  That slippery state can understand the structures, so it is like one must be patient and bring forward the real structural means to the extent those within this can hold it themselves. It is like standing as structure. I laugh, because is this not what the advertising systems are doing, in repeating STATEments again and again and again? That in itself as standing as a structure.  In this, one is dealing with many people. Yet, that slipperyness is not constant. It can have no constancy because it is a state of separation, lacking grace, lacking stability, lacking innocence.   That slippery quality is of ONLY being in a limited construct of a set body of information. Of being in a state of value judgements because of not being grounded in this living structure called earth.That state of separation is of a state of value judgements that leads to being in a state of fear, because it lacks wholeness causing discord that has no real ability to stand. It has no real structure of constancy. 

It is then of projection, a state of suspension from life. And it consumes the substance of the physical leading to dis-ease because it stresses the physical in consuming it faster than the physical can rebuild itself. It is worshipping a false god. I could say, ironically, one is in a constant state of construction and deconstruction, moving in a sequence of timed events that never solidify, that never rest, that leads to a constant looping within. That is a constant pull back and forth of good and bad, right and wrong, more than and less than. 

That “ state of innocence” does not have that same quality, it has more constancy, more joy, more stability, is is a more “ real” state of being. It realizes there are not problems and only solutions. it realizes that reacting to a system of what I have called “ slippery fish” is pointless. one need only stand to rebuild a structure that lends stability and constancy because a restoration of a natural innocence of the child feels FUCKING GREAT. One wants to smile, one wants to interact and communicate, one realizes the real value is life itself! There are no problems in this state, there are only solutions. There is no such thing as criticism in this state. It lends a great ability to not react to that slippery-fish state because what is more visible is how much that slippery-fish state lacks any real structure and that this lack-of-real-structure can never really be happy. What is desired is to instead be that state of innocence that realizes there are only solutions, that realizes there is no such thing as criticism. It realizes that the self is always here. Nothing can define who and what one is but the self as life, which includes all things, and thus is physical.