Day 853 An overuse of the imagination, a sense of loss and giving myself permission to be simple

I have noticed lately some back chat and imaginations increasing within myself. It is a movement where I suddenly find myself IN-volved in an inner imaginative playout of .. mostly working with what I perceive within myself as “ injustice” like situations. I have recognized this more rapidly and simply stopped. I can remember when I first started this process how difficult it appeared to be to stop such “ worm-hole” like DISTRACTIONS from focusing all of me, as the life that is me here, to living here, in this moment, equal to a consideration of all things, this place where I can realize that there are no problems and ONLY solutions. 

I stand back and look at the overall emotional tenure of what is existing within me as a resonant construction. I notice lately two things, and these have to do with consequential changes in my life. One is that my children are basically a much smaller part of my life, and hence a sense of being alone. Another, is some friction within expectations in relation to what I bring forward into this reality. Within this I realize that what I share is basically a very very simple thing that can have a huge impact in a person’s life. The conflict is the difference between an over-use of my imagination and the contrast of realizing the simplicity of something and relating that to its impact in allowing another to process and recognize what they are realizing and living within them selves and the greater reality around them as this physical existence. It is to say that I continue to polarize values and that itself is a distraction from realizing the simple being a means to correct that very thing I find myself once again being caught within. Another way to say this is a sense that being simple is somehow not allowed. I have to give myself permission to realize an old adage that “ if someone cannot explain something to a child, then one does not really know that of which they speak! 

It is in allowing the simple that I find I am more able to play and be patient and direct with greater effect. This, overall, a contradiction to beliefs that something must involve pain to grow, or that realizing solutions involves fighting for something, when in effect it is the opposite. I mean, the statement that realizes if someone cannot explain something to a third grader, for example, means that they really do not know that of which they speak, is an equation that reveals that real solutions are actually simple. If we contrast that to our present hyper-emotional and polarized doom and gloom generating media, we might just realize the difference and find our way back to our own innocence! 

It is as though being emotional is “ not having enough information,” and that being emotional is being in a polarized alternate imaginary inner resonant storm that is a storm in a tea-cup that has been “

 normalized” when within well known adages, the opposite of what is promulgated as normal is that which is abnormal! This would be difficult to process conceptually is one is running in an inner energetic storm of good and bad, right and wrong, less than and more than. Remember, we humans are happy when we are doing and unhappy when we are not. Doing, involves being focused on the practical. That means realizing each simple step by step movement that actually gets things done. That moves with a greater ease as the nature of real doing involves a focus that lacks distraction and tension. 

Everything is a math, even a system of distraction. Overall, nothing can define who and what we are but by acceptance and allowance. That is a huge gift in itself. 

Thus, back to myself, I realize that I am feeling, and as such distracted from being present, that I am suddenly more alone. And two, that this over-blown  imagination and state of value judgement which is a fear, is limiting a sense of realizing the simple in another area of my life. And, within that, that I give myself permission to realize the simple, which by extension opens up a realization that I am able to have fun within what I do because in effect, it is something that can be explained to a child. And, within that, I have explained this to many children and they tend to get it right away! 

The difference is like using a sextant on a ship. When one practices a correct and careful word recognition ability, one’s sextant use will more than likely bring them into a port of their choice, whereas an incorrect inner GPS building will lead their course way off of the port their choice! 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as me, as my beingness, as a belief that I am alone.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that I am suddenly alone as my children have become independent of me.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself, as my beingness, to see realize and understand that I am the life that is here as this earth, a life that is a creation that is physical in form and function revealing itself as creation manifest, evident in a system that is constructed and allowed by all of mankind, within and as the development of religions that distract from being in consideration of all things, and of behaviors such as my own, of living in a resonant storm of charged beliefs of a more than and a less than, this in itself a distraction from being focused and in consideration of all things, as being in regard of all things here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that as life, situations grow and change, morph and move into different forms of interaction and communication, and as such, within and as my own life, at the moment, I am moving into a situation where I have time and space to consider what I like, what perspectives and insights as the life of me, can be and share and develop which is a gift in and of itself here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I am always, in all ways, all one here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself as my beingness, to believe that things must be complicated when in fact, solutions are by nature usually the next simple step, and that the accumulation of simple steps leads to being able to process more complex forms, which is a simple and really cool ways and means to and towards self improvement and development.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be and come to an overuse of my imagination, within and as allowing “ righteous” and justice seeking payouts within and as my imagination, which are really a reflection of an inner fear, where in this moment i see a relationship within this to and towards a fear of being left out, and a fear of ineffective communication where I have these inner imaginative play-outs spinning in a desire to blame and spite resistances I imagine will automatically exist within and as my immediate environment, when in effect, I have walked and faced many such resistances, and brought common sense into the picture thus my own fears and reactions as such fears within myself are simply an absence of living in thought, word and deed that which is simple and most often fun and playful in relation to understanding how this physical state of being actually works.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as my inner focus as a distraction of and as fear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be distracted within and as worrying and imagining worst case scenarios in separation from myself as life, as my beingness, being focused here, realizing the simple and having fun and being playful within and as that, to realize in thought, word and deed that which is in consideration of all things to regard with awe, the magnificence of creation that is life as this physical expression of form and function that us earth here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as an idea of what is right and an expectation of what is right being accepted, when in effect, this is a focus of distraction instead of remaining here, breathing, slowing down and playing with focus, as the physical body in its expression here, when this is visible and can be felt, where what is really huge is the physical creation of life that is here in all ways always, as this is in plain sight here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself as my beingness to see, realize and understand that I am life and that as this life, I determine the physical state of this life within and as the very fabric of my physical body, in and as the very focus of me here, where tensions and frictions within and as my body, reveal my acceptances and allowances, played out within my over-used imagination, that is something I as the life that is me, can direct, and as such I give myself permission to life being present and focused here, to realize the simple and to have fun as inherent in being focused and present is real discovery and the living of solutions that are what is best for all, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself as my beingness, to focus myself within a narrow field of charged value judgements and as such to live within a survival suit as a belief instead of remaining focused and in respect of this living breathing creation that is physical, and here in plain sight.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to resist and suppress seeing the mind, a mind as an overuse of the imagination, that has not real constancy and sustainability, and therefor has a nature of being intense and insistent and then suddenly ending, where in my state of resisting and running from this and being in my own gloom and doom fear mode, not seeing realizing and understanding the patterns within and as the nature of this, to the extent I can able to stand equal to such states-of-separation realizing that nothing can define me,  but what I accept and allow, and as such am able to realize patterns and process form and function and movement, to define and realize the space and then to play and reform and ground in ways that allow self discovery as within this, there need be no self validation as the real value is realizingin thought, word and deed,  that which beings insight into who and what we really are as creation that is expressed in physical form, to realize the only choice is to exist within and as heaven on earth here, where all life is considered and respected as being the real value here. 

I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding how my physical body, to a greater extent, is gifting me as life the means to understand this reality as that being who and what I am here, as I am life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become engrossed in a resonant bubble of information, and instead of being focused here, realizing that nothing can define who and what i am, and yet as that I am able to stand equal and one with what is here for a moment without fear to process what consider and REFLECT consideration of all things as the who and what I am here, as I am life which is physical and in plain sight - the opposite of an overuse of the imagination that causes a separation from a practice of cross referencing all things as life, as the physical as this earth, here.

I commit myself to allowing and accepting myself, as my beingness, to focus here, to realize nothing can define me but who and what i am as life, which is physical, and here in plain sight, that what is constant and consistent is eternal, and grounded and sound.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that just as my imagination is changeable, and protean-like, so is the ability of myself as the heart of me, able to define terms for a moment and consider all things, regard all things and process a lack of information, with care and reflection in ways that build in a process of sharing what has a more eternal quality and is of equal consideration of all things here.

I commit myself to Slowing down and breathing, and realizing the small movements into an overuse of the imagination and myself existing within and as an idea of fear of loss and fear of standing equal and one to the simple to realize that the simple can be brought forward in thought, word and deed in every moment here, as life is always in all ways in plain sight here, as this earth in form and function.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and standing as that which grounds one’s focus into and as the innate ability of the life that is in each and everyone, to come forward and live in joy of the awe of creation that is always, in all ways in plain  sight here. 

Day 842 Facing confrontation to bring what is potent forward.

There is this tiredness within me. It is a residual physical sense of wanting to escape , as though doing is too tiresome. 

The other day Iearned a new dance move. I had to slow way down and practice that movement very very slowly. I had to change up my focus and break down the moving parts to place them and then incorporate more and more of the movement. I know a certain focus can allow one to do this. In today’s world it takes one’s will to be able to change up perspective and change up one’s focus on things other than an automated movement generated by value judgements about the past. 

A thought can happen, a value judgement. Unless that value judgement is changed, it sits within one. IT must be resolved before one can take the next step. This is because a thought can accumulate. If one meets the same situation again, and this past comes up, and one does not immediately address it, it remains and then begins to build.

It is similar to recognizing something in the environment and then suddenly seeing it everywhere. One is focused on that, at the expense of seeing others things. If we are conceptually processing things very slowly, we can get stuck in that sudden acknowledgement of something in reality. This compounds because we limit our awareness, we shut ourselves down from seeing other things as well. We are focusing on a picture instead of being present. This happens because we ignore imbalances in the reality around us because we want to “ get a long and go along” ostensibly to survive. In the long run, this backfires. There is only once choice, the choice to do no harm. The human ability to recognize patterns is natural and great. Thus, to suppress that recognition takes a lot of work. That builds and causes more disconnect from reality, our choice to ignore. The choice of ignorance remains, and then we have to hold onto the lies, our ignorance, to maintain it, because we are ashamed to have hidden our ability to recognize patterns, because that is the same ability that can recognize the choices we make that cause harm. 

Of course it is good to focus on singular things for a moment, to incorporate them. Yet, in this temporal spatial reality, it is important to cross reference the greater whole. When I learned this new dance move, once I felt confident and focused in a way that I learned it pretty quickly, I took notice of other things beyond that rudimentary movement. I went to ensure that my head was not locked in one position, or that my arms did not move in one way only. I played with the movements of them, even exaggerating the movements of the other parts of my body to realize the extent of the boundaries. I purposely “ opened “ it up. I added some play to the dance move. 

Conversely, when facing a lie, or suppression is a great pattern recognition ability, that time and space, like playing music, has infinite space between movements! Thus when a person takes a long time to share a story, as the emotional value is bigger than the ability to see directly,  there is infinite space to play with the form. What hinders this is myself being the same, being spaced out in emotion - because this is what emotional feeling values are and do in relation to the focus of the body. The process of focusing through emotion, spaces things out. The process of practicing being more directed by emotion, leads to a compound effect of a feeling. That looks like a person is standing in what I call a state of constant shock. The management of the emotional practice compounding into the feeling that generates that loss of spatial ability or a real stagnant movement of conceptualizing, has this field of a tight resonance to it, where the focus of the body appears to be at attention, a stress ‘ ness to the field of vision,  that looks like all that sense that is great at recognizing patterns is focused on managing the emotions. The way a person speaks, probably down to the slightest detail, some I do not yet know, will show exactly to what degree a person is actually doing this. If one is answering to this, one is caught in this reductionist conceptual trap and will be swayed by that emotional attention. Interesting how the word attention sounds like a tension, because that is what it is. It lacks an ease - the focus of the body is on emotional maintenance. This is the outcome as a creation, of having told lies, of having ignored the physical practical living reality that is the means of this life. It is a movement in the space, a tension in the space, one’s innocence the absence of that “ a-tension.” If we practice ignorance, we can master this. It is somewhat like the behavior of sociopaths, or it is that sociopathic behavior. The first aggression is difficult, the subsequent aggressions get easier and easier. Pretty soon, one is locked into an emotional firewall, a resonant storm that appears normal, and with which one is comfortable. The problem is that this human state of being is destroying not only the body, but the physical earth as well. Transformation is the  option, because more of the same, as destruction, is remaining on the path that has lead to where we are today. 

We must begin to realize how we are using language, how we are forming ourselves as our focus, within the very sounds we are self generating from and with and as our bodies. This is why it is noted that it is important to be aware of our thought, word and deed. What we generate as each one, will determine our lives and the lives that are us in another life, as this physical creation called earth. Every movement is important.  One must recognize the patterns of the language. To do this, one must have a certain degree of mastery of the language, because language in itself as a form of dance with life. How we use our words will determine the very FOCUS of ourselves. A greater language development also helps us delineate the space and time happening around us. When we know it, we can open up our presence to incorporate more things, because we are not having to think about what we are going to say. And, by extension, we can catch our thinking, those things that we allowed and never stopped to correct. If we know something we no longer have to “ think” about it as much, we can expand.  Knowing the language helps is to recognize our focus, and by extension, help us to expand our presence. Would our presence open to that which existed before we built a resonant emotional/feeling body that consumes our attention and holds the cause of our separation from presence, that state of a child that learns more rapidly, that is eventually lost by the third grade because we isolate our children from reality within sending them into an isolated environment where the teachers themselves get lost in a political bubble of a school to the extent that the principle often spends a lot of their time attempting to manage jealousy between the teachers themselves? For example, if one teacher begins to show an effect in her students that surpasses the other teachers, the principle will suggest that teacher “ dumb” it down so that that principle need not have to answer to the complaints of the other teachers? Yes, this actually happens. I have personally experienced this. And yes, I was astounded - and realized that my own state of being astounded was an ignorance on my part. There are always solutions. The unacceptable is never an answer! 

Children who are not doing well in school, simply lack the practice of delineating time and space, of which language is a means to be and do. Already, if a child takes a long time to explain something, as they search for the words, the moment passes and the focus is lost. The consequence is a feeling of a lost opportunity. This is really about the overall focus of the body, because we have to focus our bodies in order to speak the words. Do we give our children time and space to do this, or do we rush them along, because we adults have forgotten that we ourselves lack security in formulating words? Do we expect our children to formulate our words, which involves moving the body, in the way that we as parents do because we are in a rush? They then become us, because this is what is experienced in their immediate environment. Then we wonder why they have not moved past us into a greater development!  While we learned, we lacked slowing down and assessing the moving parts into the greater whole. How can a child learn to do this if it is not shown to them and if the emotional fire-wall existence from a lack of recognition because of a self suppression of a natural ability is all that is in their environment? One must always cross reference the greater whole. Which is cool because it regulates the extent to which one has incorporated a new awareness which is more a movement of problem solving that moving into an ignorance that causes a rush of an idea of survival instead of developing real creative and constructive thinking skills. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that the moment I feel a deep tiredness is a moment when I allow myself to be overwhelmed.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that a moment of feeling deeply tired is a moment of believing things are too much.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand within this, that it is not so much what is said as how something is said.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the extent to which energy is motivating movement, which has a quality of limitation because of a lack of being grounded and present, here, in this reality, where one can reference the gaps of recognition of words, or DWORS, that open a more settled groundedness.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how stories are a means to an end, because within and as being separated from what is real, as this creation as this earth, involves separation held together by ideas, beliefs and opinions, composed in a pattern in itself, as stories, with a rise and a fall, a conflict within more than, and less than, good and bad, right and wrong instead of being present in creation, as the expression of life, as the physical, as humanity must respect the trees, a most perfect form that covers so many needs within and as a construction in expression that supports all life on earth, and of which is a means to further expression, thus what is here is us, and of a technology far greater than anything mankind has created, and overall why reinvent the wheel? 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and  understand that despite working on facing limitation, there exists within me a fear of confrontation, and yet again and again I have faced " confrontation" and moved myself towards addressing confrontation, within and as listening to the storied information, and realizing the expression as a form, and then moving beyond being in an end game, as a belief, towards grounding the story, using story to change up the focus, to lend structure, through realizing detail while at the same time, remaining present in consideration of all things here as this life, where life itself is physical and always here, in plain sight as life would be and do as life would have no reason to hide, in some alternate separate reality, as a construct called " heaven."

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react in anger, as anger is fear, anger is a rejection of problem solving, of being present, and realizing the energetic movements as a story of separation, or of a time spread out, a measure, where the focus is absent of recognition of the practical physical forms here that is the creation of life manifest, so evident in the present media system that is a constant, as management of separation must be a constant because this is how great the presence of life is and does, the distractions must remain constant, and even within this, seeing through the cracks to the life that is here as the physical is a constant opportunity.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move into shame, within and as realizing the extent to which I ignored life, and separated from being present and giving, in the recognition that I am life, and that life is always here in plain sight, as the very nature of life is for-giving.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the veil is indeed thin, and that it must be possible to realize the veil and the life that is here as creation as the physical, so great is the ability of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that a resistance to confrontation is fear, and fear is false evidence appearing real.

I commit myself to walk in breath, to slow down and to face storied emotional fire-walls, to for give the gift of life here, that which is creation and a constant here, which is physical and in plain sight - hence to  embrace constant distraction from what is known and simply covered, yet can be un-covered to the extent that earth is transformed into realizing all things, taking the good, and ensuring no harm.

I commit myself to moving within this, in every moment, as a pace, of and as being in awe of opening up what is natural and has always been here in plain sight.

I commit myself to within this, as another point has opened up, within and as a sense of a block behind my neck, where I can sense a stiffness, and a " force" as that moving me, as though, or as - without the though! lol- ( I am having FUN within this! ) I within this anger and fear-of-confrontation point, hold onto being suspect or cautious, within and as facing confrontation, which is simply like facing a new musical piece or ideology, a construction, of which without the hesitation or expectation-of-harm, the way forward is to let go and at the same time, expect the unexpected and the ability to face this and learn, or expand in awareness, even within and as making mistakes, to generate a pace that has fun letting go and finding solutions within and as realizing separation and refocusing into what is natural and always here as life in expression that is physical and in plain sight here.

I commit myself to move at a steady pace, within and as my beingness, here, to practice, step by step, every small move, to build a model of being present and in respect of this life here, as life, as becoming the living recognition of life, which is always here, in plain sight as life would not hide as the nature of life would be visible as that is forgiving in great joy.