Day 850 What concepts am I allowing to define me as time-lines in space?

I have this sense that things are not working and it is a fear, when why things are in separation from real potential are a math. What is a time line but a state of separation? 

It appears to me more and more, and this has happened before, that in moving from one point into another, in and as looking at what separates me from reality, as a programming from myself and generations of men, that the subtle poles of belief ride in on another level of understanding. It means that while I recognize more and more certain patterns of behavior and the extent of separation from being equal and one to life, the more I recognize the voices of dissent within me. I created this, I absorbed this, I became this, this determined my life.  It is resonant within me. Seeing this, I mean, really looking at energy verses being more creative as in being more gentle, more calm, more present has a quality of recognizing patterns! Being lost in an energetic past-experienced-based-on-fear-generating-a belief - and with the resonant thoughts as the ideas behind that FOCUS - has a quality to it, a pressure, an inflammation like “ thing” in the body. In “ fine-tuning “ what is here, as a personality consciousness sinking into a quantum mind consciousness resonant within, that self allowed and self generated limited and stagnating thin-king distorts reality and shuts down opportunity to make the choice to really live. What I have allowed myself to BELIEVE remains with me, despite seeing with greater clarity the superstitious nature of a resonant shadow of belief. I mean, if one believes in the shadow, can one convince that person that that is a lie? One has to take that apart. Even dogs and horses need sometime to process new information. It is why our schools are timed and sequenced in such away that a child has little to no time to actually process what has been expressed in that isolated environment.  If we practice confusion we master that, just as musician will master an instrument if a movement is practiced again and again! Remember it works both ways. Just stop for a moment - are you still here? Why has a master of a skill set shared with me that one does not need to practice that much if one focuses correctly? LOOK at how fast one learns to ride a bike! Why is biology appearing to be so difficult to understand? Why is it so spread out and something we learn in high school?  We study, through exposure, romantic fairy tales about one kind of relationship before we are allowed to LOOK at this physical life!  It is one big time warp!  Why is so much dedicated to suppressing the human?  We must be magnificent creatures if so much is dedicated to  suppressing us! Yet, we allow it! 

Thus I slow down and describe the difference. This uncovers more perspective. The moment I move into energy I am no longer problem solving, I am no longer looking at practical application. I am no longer processing the math of personification and the extremely stagnant movement of that accepted and allowed state-of-being. One can hear it in how people speak. They repeat things, more general statements about things. The compounded personification of limited values that by nature of being limited are of polarized value judgements,  this compounded, as practiced movements within: they are weighted. That weight can be sensed. The innocence of a child does not YET have likes and dislikes - they simply explore everything!  Try speeding up Youtube videos, acclimate to that, and listen to the difference! One might then DISCOVER the extent to which we humans are conceptually moving like slugs, and the amount of “ filler” words and ideas we move as that take up our FOCUS and distract us from the real “ measure” the real “ accounting we are living and expressing as polarized value judgements in which we are constantly locked into a very narrow focus!  Would that not make learning something new appear to be more difficult? It is like one is moving against a counter ( counting/account ) force! And that force is a projection, an illusion, a superstition made larger than life! Astounding.  It is visible even though it has become normalized ! 

These resonant time-lines of stagnant beliefs are weakening the physical fabric of existence. It is visible. It is visible in how one “ feels” that doing something is too hard, when the doing of something is a series of practical steps!  You are stagnant in a moving train, and someone is yelling at you from those indistinguishable trees out on the landscape and that voice of  life is so far away in one’s resonant storm it cannot be heard.  It is more stable than that train.  When someone says, “I am doing my best” I immediately think of an administrative mind set - too afraid to upset the existing status quo. And this, because even the slightest awareness of the difference, will make a HUGE difference. Why do administrators tend to self aggrandize ? They believe that doing the paper work is more important when they are maintaining the more non-creative actual work!  The term “ doing my best” is in itself already a distraction from FOCUS. I see the difference as standing in the storm without reaction, and seeing the cracks, the realness in the periphery, and manipulating the space in such a way that that suppressed, as glazed over awareness, as a moment to stand equal to and with in an intention of that, with a focus on that, which is great potential, to make wider that “ crack” to allow a person to discover that “ space.” It does have an effect. The person, to some degree then stands like a deer in headlights, processing the difference, for a moment.  I suppose it has to be done in such a way that what was seen cannot be unseen! 

Would being in that space for a moment, begin to end the petty end-game of comparison and stop the focus on a perception of a threat of what are basically micro-aggressions in relation to the potential that exists in the way we so rapidly learn to ride a bike? When we learn that way, we tend to never forget. 

Day 845 Beginning to see my own scattered intent?

There is this tension or pressure or tightness in my chest. I notice it happens as the patterns I have walked move through their motions, which means there are issues that have not been addressed.

These past weeks I noticed my reaction to “ big brother” once again came up. I notice I catch myself in my mind in imaginations or worst case scenarios with some revenge dramas playing out. This is not new to me, before I found desteni I noticed such things in relation to another situation in my life. I took a stance that was of “ who needs this!?” in relation to the thoughts moving within me and as me. I decided to change them by focusing on another way of seeing things. I actually changed the imagery and had a reaction as a voice coming up from deep within me telling me to stop. I actually forgot about this. What is cool about this is that it is a recognition, a cognitive movement, an understanding on a deep level that our thoughts are things, and that we can change them. If I can get to this realization myself, anyone can. Within this, I realize I did not apply this same realization to everything that was coming up within me! Such is the limitation of selective reasoning and as a contrast the degree to which I/we compartmentalize things where  something is valid in one area but not in another. 

Yesterday, I received a notice. I had inadvertently gone through a red light while driving around in NY. I actually remember the incident - and this I attribute to slowing down and breathing and listening to myself. I remember having passed the ample and noticed that it was red after the fact. I did not know the area very well and recognized that I had missed seeing the relatively obvious ample ! Why I mention this is because I got the letter from my mail box and read the words on the envelope and went into an immediate panic. I slowed down and recognized this and understood to open the letter before making a judgement. It was about that red light - the one I remembered. It was not something to go into a reaction about.

I watched the movements within me, being somewhat conscious of them from having paid attention to my own state of being. I recognize that even at this moment, I want to hold onto a fear of “ big brother” as a belief in our government being extremely corrupt at the moment. I hear stories from others. Yet, one person I know, involved in a government action, has behaviors that are so emotional they tend to trigger more discord than problem solving.I attempt to change this. One thing I say to them is that administrative bureaucrats are people who simply want their paper work in proper order, and will work with others to ensure that task is done. 

If I apply this same perspective to other areas of my life, where could I go? The situation where I changed my thoughts, and this reaction to paper work, and my experiences reveal to me that things are not as dire as I assume. And, I realize that were more people to see beyond their own emotional firewalls, where would we be? We would be more practical and realize the practicality of this existence, this creation. Being here in the moment, realizing we are physical and that this reality is in a creative FORM that when properly respected, could become a world where we as humans step forth as creators instead of emotionally reactive entities living in a spaced out thin set of images in a superimposed or hyper projection of ideas, beliefs and opinions. “ Hyper” means below. We are not “ running” on ourselves as life and it is visible, we can hear/here it. 

I also can see where being projections tenses up the body, as though the body is a telescope. What we are telescoping must be visible. Children must see this before they become a telescope themselves, that state of being that shuts down their natural constructively critical and creative ability to realize solutions, or realize balance in all things. That state that is lost by the third grade, because their words have become aligned to value judgements instead of being related, or associated to the living reality, the practical reality, the reality that lives providing basic needs to regenerate the living fabric of this life that is physical. This reality that religions and projected ideologies ignore at the expense of this means that is life in expression. 

I realize that limitation is stretching out into time, into limited value judgements as a story, shielded by justifications, all causing a state of separation and stagnation in the life of the individual. Time is separation from the living expression of reality. It is most probably why Christ said we have to become the living word, as opposed to being a self defining value judgement word. One slows down processing ability, the other is of an innate ability to see reality head on! And, I can more understand the argument for realizing the basic needs of all things here. Were basic needs met the financial situation would not be of such great inequality. And, our supermarket shelves would not have over-processed-dead-never-decaying food products. We most likely would not have obesity, cancer or any other disease. If one has lived in a resonant bubble of misinformation that is limited and of polarized value judgements it is a stress on the body and the body gets locked into what it practices - which is the movement of creation,  regardless of one’s actions. Time is like strings wondering off into some alternate reality where we hover above this reality like a balloon on a string, this is the nature of projections. Can all the parts be brought back into common sense to birth life back through the physical? It must be. It is the only way.

I see it at the moment,  that this is a practical conceptual thing. Meaning, one practices listening and standing equal to things, to then with few words, communicate with effect. Somewhat like opening up that ability to read things that jump out at one in a moment, like when I went through that red light and knew I had done it and that it would have an effect. Like an instant recognition of more than what was the immediate focus - that part of me that missed the red light over on the side of this rather broad cross section of parallel and angular streets. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to, as my beingness, see, realize and understand that amazing capacity of myself as life to read what it here, and within that, though through my own time-lines of belief causing separation, to be absent in listening to my own common sense, as the very presence of me, here as the life that is who and what I am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to immediately go into doom and gloom, to envision a projected worst-case-scenario idea within and as me, before investigating the details.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to at the same time I realize my own inculcated ignorance, to also forgive myself for shutting down a natural ability to sense the many moving parts around me, and to within that, expand from and as that to realize in thought, word and deed what is best for all.

When and as I find myself reacting to words as things, on paper, or as beliefs within and as what is projected from within me, to breath, to slow down and to realize my own habituated time-lines of belief need not define who and what I am in a moment,  and at the same time, to embrace them, and enfold thumbtack into common sense within and as realizing that I am physical, I am here, I am life.

I commit myself to slowing down and breathing to remain more stable and quiet to see realize and understand my own orchestrations of beliefs, opinions and ideas, as reactions that are polarized into extremes appearing to be absolutes, to being them back to self and balance them into being practical and present within and as respecting who and what I am as life here, which is physical. 

I commit myself to accepting the gift go life that is me, as my beingness, and my presence, and within this to build an intent that can withstand the test of time, to live stability and share a focus into a consideration of all things here, to live in thought, word and deed that which respects and recognized the abundance of life that is here as the physical which is creation manifest. 

Day 844 Payperwork My allowance of distraction What is it showing

I realize that I have a fear of big brother. This comes up in moments when I am required as the system to fulfill paper work for the system. I have such an adverse relationship to getting paper work done, all those crossing of the letters and filling in the blanks.

It can give me a headache from overthinking about it. Usually, when I go and walk through the steps, it is never as bad as I anticipated. Within this, in relation to at times having made mistakes, usually there is some help to correct the mis-aligned information. The system workers usually wanting their own paper work to be complete and correct. So, why this resistance and anxiety in relation to paper work?

The other side of this is that I have recognized this, and walk completing it with specificity. I organize things in a way that I have the information at hand to quickly complete the task. It is leading up to this that the anxiety comes along, even despite my own organizing and completion.  I know to just do it, because if I don’t it is my own accumulating anxiety that will lead to more problems than not having completed the paper work! Though this is much smaller, I still get a headache in relation to doing such tasks and I still have some dread around this issue. 

IN effect, there remains issues within confrontation. Always, addressing limitation, or constructions of a narrow focus, the quality of which, for me, has this insistence to it, a constriction, a pressure. It is an anxiety of opening such things up. Or perhaps the opposite and realizing my own desires around this. And yet, what is real cannot be lost. Letting go is actually not that difficult when the outcome is realizing there is only one choice, and that is the choice to realize what will remain constant and withstand the test of time, so no baggage of covering a lie exists to be remembered to protect. That is not fun. Rather not go there. 

I also notice with all the hysteria on the news, I begin to feel overwhelmed, that sense of addressing an emotional fire-wall as being too difficult when often as I have experienced, and worked through, it means to repeat something, in same or different ways without any inner reaction, as though a FOCUS on a goal that is clear has an intent that can gather more attention even in the face of an emotional storm, but it does take patience and a steady pace. I have used this, yet am not yet consistent within this. There are probably moments in the “music” present, where key questions will move things closer to sensing a clearer intention/intension!  Someone can tell me about this, yet, like learning to ride a bike, it must be experienced. That takes doing, by the self, in real time. lol, in “ reel” time, meaning within the reeling emotions generating a movement in this present hyper tense reality while also realizing a constant within being equal to what is real and eternal on this earth. I liken this to realizing that a tree functions in so many giving and abundant ways, producing within pure giving and yet it pays no taxes, and requires no wage to be and do what it is in its form and function. The contrast may appear out of context but is it really ? No it is not. The gap between where we are as the present system and the pure giving function of a tree seems like too big of a jump. I have a sense that so many would react to such a concept, but in reality the difference is not so far fetched. 

The thing about being in an emotional fire wall of value judgements as reactions within poles of good and bad, is the un-complicatedness of realizing the simplicity of a tree because it would deny resonant beliefs that things need be complicated!  Once we know something, it is no longer complicated. As some doctors have said about how the body functions as “ it is not a rocket science, anyone can understand it,” so is it within and as most things. Once we understand them, we share because we realize it is understandable. It is a red flag when an administration or politician attempt to convince one that things are complicated -that simply means opening things up would expose self interest. This in itself reveals that hiding self interest exists in using chaos, hiding self interest exists behind a belief that things are complicated.  The complicated is being used as an end-game. The complicated has become god , as in the complicated has become normalized!  Repetition does not equal truth.  Recognize the red flags because they exist within patterns. Even a leaf on a tree has a pattern. Patterns exist in all structures, thus they are visible. Humans learn to walk all by themselves, thus we are amazing at understanding temporal/spatial geometry. 

It is one thing to  imagine a thing and another to stand with presence in the living movement and expression of what is real. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a sense of doom and gloom around doing the paper work of the present system.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be aggravated, to feel aggravated, to be an emotion of aggravation, and to hold onto that as a response of and as things should not be this way, of and as having a sense that the paper world is meant to consume the focus and presence and life of and as me, to distract from being aware of patterns in the greater whole, as the system, which in itself is a fear, a fear of believing that I cannot process the information and a “thing” that takes up my space where I would rather focus on other things, when in effect, and especially with some systemic computer software tools I can organize my expenses a little at a time, and remove the accumulation of doing paper work, as this is one of the advantages of modern technology, and thereby freeing myself to to focus on other things, or from another perspective be more aware of my own habits and attentions.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that when and as I react to having to do paper work, I am reacting in a way of self interest, because I am aggravated that I am distracted from focusing on what i want to focus on, which begs the question as to what I desire to focus on, which I am not sure of because I have allowed myself to focus on the lack, to focus on what I have judged as a force or thing hindering my focus, which in itself creates a resistance to something which in itself is a state of friction that is taking up my attention and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand, even though I have organized the steps to get this paper work done in a timely and orderly manner, there remains this value judgement behind this, within this, as being aggravated by having to do this busy work, all of which could be automated today, to free myself to, as the human up to be able to focus on other things, like planting a garden, for example, yet I understand that any movement of resistance or aggravation, is a distraction, and thus I am making a mountain out of a mole hill, causing inner friction and separation from remaining simple and present as being in that space where the practical gets done, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to, within and as realizing that reactions cause friction and by extension distraction even if slight and even if I appear to be organizing that which I deem to distract, in ways that gets things done with immediacy, there remains a focus on that righteous sense of injustice, most probably causing some occupation within and as being aggravated with the present system, and yet I in my aggravation and desire to not focus on something, which in itself is distraction, am within my own organization in distraction from being aware of subtle movements within and as how I focus as my human physical body, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as me, to the extent my intensions are clear, and easily to share, in all simplicity to the extent the focus of me as problem solving, is more constant and as such more readily conveyed because this is the extent of the ability of life within to recognize patterns, which create states of being, and as such can be transferred even within emotional storms, as this is the nature of life, and therefore, can be held and shared, of which to become and be in clarity, means to have the patience to live and express this, to the extent there exists no more states of being miserly, and for this I forgive myself.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself becoming a movement of and as aggravation, to stop and to breath and to slow myself down, and to recognize this as being in a way, a miser, as this is acting in self interest, which means a motivation of desire exists within and as being a state of an ideology, that is separation from remaining present within and as becoming steady within and as realizing there are no problems and only solutions, within and as understanding that becoming the living word means having a clear intention one that is able to be shared and as such will take standing with an emotional firewall to the extent that storm in a teacup expresses its limitations into a form of completion that could be called a burning out, where for a moment, perhaps through the gap something clearer will become an insight and yet this must exist within the environment  in a clear way in order to be recognized to allow a seed of another option to be sensed and thus realized on a journey to self expression as life here, to become as constant and giving as a tree here. 

Within this, I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize the beauty of this overall, and within this to not see realize and understand outside of allowing this distraction of aggravation to see realize and understand as my beingness, that within and as creating, or rather allowing the life that is here as me, to come forward as the expression or utilization of and as myself in focus that is usually of the simple, and that requires investigation, is more the will of life as me, and as such has a nature of lending patience, and realizing that nothing can define me but what I allow,  within and as realizing that the solution is simple and abel to be imparted because that is the nature of life.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that when and as I become aggravated, I stop and I breath, as my beingness, and I slow myself down, to ground me within and as respect of all things, to see realize and understand solutions that are visible within and as having an intention that as a state of focus as being, stand equal and one with and as a structural means to withstand the storms of friction and conflict as polarized beliefs as a loss of focus within and as who and what and where and how it is that we exist here on this physical earth of many trees, to in always, always live with an intent that shares what is best for all, as I am here. where there is only here.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding my capacity as life to realize the ordinary and to within that understand that nothing can define who and what I am and that the life that is me is a constant, and cannot be lost, thus within this, I am able to with great patience, stand and recognize emotional patterns and distractions of focus and to allow that expression as a process of self reflection and to and with that realize the simple that organizes and removes the complicated, to become more the living word within and as recognizing what is best for all in every movement to turn the tides and generate a momentum of expression that is aligned with and as what is best for all and as recognition of the simple as what is all around us as the physical reality that is life in expression here.

I commit myself to remaining here, and to move through the shame that comes up in moments in relation to all of this, to let go of and as value judgements of and as polarized beliefs to realize what is constant and as such can be stood with in a constancy that withstands the test of time, to become a steady pace of and as  the living word to the extent less is more, as my intentions are clear which transfers within and as being more present as being equal and one with the life that is what generates a tree that exists here and gives unconditionally in every moment here.