Saturday, June 20, 2020

Day 845 Beginning to see my own scattered intent?

There is this tension or pressure or tightness in my chest. I notice it happens as the patterns I have walked move through their motions, which means there are issues that have not been addressed.

These past weeks I noticed my reaction to “ big brother” once again came up. I notice I catch myself in my mind in imaginations or worst case scenarios with some revenge dramas playing out. This is not new to me, before I found desteni I noticed such things in relation to another situation in my life. I took a stance that was of “ who needs this!?” in relation to the thoughts moving within me and as me. I decided to change them by focusing on another way of seeing things. I actually changed the imagery and had a reaction as a voice coming up from deep within me telling me to stop. I actually forgot about this. What is cool about this is that it is a recognition, a cognitive movement, an understanding on a deep level that our thoughts are things, and that we can change them. If I can get to this realization myself, anyone can. Within this, I realize I did not apply this same realization to everything that was coming up within me! Such is the limitation of selective reasoning and as a contrast the degree to which I/we compartmentalize things where  something is valid in one area but not in another. 

Yesterday, I received a notice. I had inadvertently gone through a red light while driving around in NY. I actually remember the incident - and this I attribute to slowing down and breathing and listening to myself. I remember having passed the ample and noticed that it was red after the fact. I did not know the area very well and recognized that I had missed seeing the relatively obvious ample ! Why I mention this is because I got the letter from my mail box and read the words on the envelope and went into an immediate panic. I slowed down and recognized this and understood to open the letter before making a judgement. It was about that red light - the one I remembered. It was not something to go into a reaction about.

I watched the movements within me, being somewhat conscious of them from having paid attention to my own state of being. I recognize that even at this moment, I want to hold onto a fear of “ big brother” as a belief in our government being extremely corrupt at the moment. I hear stories from others. Yet, one person I know, involved in a government action, has behaviors that are so emotional they tend to trigger more discord than problem solving.I attempt to change this. One thing I say to them is that administrative bureaucrats are people who simply want their paper work in proper order, and will work with others to ensure that task is done. 

If I apply this same perspective to other areas of my life, where could I go? The situation where I changed my thoughts, and this reaction to paper work, and my experiences reveal to me that things are not as dire as I assume. And, I realize that were more people to see beyond their own emotional firewalls, where would we be? We would be more practical and realize the practicality of this existence, this creation. Being here in the moment, realizing we are physical and that this reality is in a creative FORM that when properly respected, could become a world where we as humans step forth as creators instead of emotionally reactive entities living in a spaced out thin set of images in a superimposed or hyper projection of ideas, beliefs and opinions. “ Hyper” means below. We are not “ running” on ourselves as life and it is visible, we can hear/here it. 

I also can see where being projections tenses up the body, as though the body is a telescope. What we are telescoping must be visible. Children must see this before they become a telescope themselves, that state of being that shuts down their natural constructively critical and creative ability to realize solutions, or realize balance in all things. That state that is lost by the third grade, because their words have become aligned to value judgements instead of being related, or associated to the living reality, the practical reality, the reality that lives providing basic needs to regenerate the living fabric of this life that is physical. This reality that religions and projected ideologies ignore at the expense of this means that is life in expression. 

I realize that limitation is stretching out into time, into limited value judgements as a story, shielded by justifications, all causing a state of separation and stagnation in the life of the individual. Time is separation from the living expression of reality. It is most probably why Christ said we have to become the living word, as opposed to being a self defining value judgement word. One slows down processing ability, the other is of an innate ability to see reality head on! And, I can more understand the argument for realizing the basic needs of all things here. Were basic needs met the financial situation would not be of such great inequality. And, our supermarket shelves would not have over-processed-dead-never-decaying food products. We most likely would not have obesity, cancer or any other disease. If one has lived in a resonant bubble of misinformation that is limited and of polarized value judgements it is a stress on the body and the body gets locked into what it practices - which is the movement of creation,  regardless of one’s actions. Time is like strings wondering off into some alternate reality where we hover above this reality like a balloon on a string, this is the nature of projections. Can all the parts be brought back into common sense to birth life back through the physical? It must be. It is the only way.

I see it at the moment,  that this is a practical conceptual thing. Meaning, one practices listening and standing equal to things, to then with few words, communicate with effect. Somewhat like opening up that ability to read things that jump out at one in a moment, like when I went through that red light and knew I had done it and that it would have an effect. Like an instant recognition of more than what was the immediate focus - that part of me that missed the red light over on the side of this rather broad cross section of parallel and angular streets. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to, as my beingness, see, realize and understand that amazing capacity of myself as life to read what it here, and within that, though through my own time-lines of belief causing separation, to be absent in listening to my own common sense, as the very presence of me, here as the life that is who and what I am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to immediately go into doom and gloom, to envision a projected worst-case-scenario idea within and as me, before investigating the details.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to at the same time I realize my own inculcated ignorance, to also forgive myself for shutting down a natural ability to sense the many moving parts around me, and to within that, expand from and as that to realize in thought, word and deed what is best for all.

When and as I find myself reacting to words as things, on paper, or as beliefs within and as what is projected from within me, to breath, to slow down and to realize my own habituated time-lines of belief need not define who and what I am in a moment,  and at the same time, to embrace them, and enfold thumbtack into common sense within and as realizing that I am physical, I am here, I am life.

I commit myself to slowing down and breathing to remain more stable and quiet to see realize and understand my own orchestrations of beliefs, opinions and ideas, as reactions that are polarized into extremes appearing to be absolutes, to being them back to self and balance them into being practical and present within and as respecting who and what I am as life here, which is physical. 

I commit myself to accepting the gift go life that is me, as my beingness, and my presence, and within this to build an intent that can withstand the test of time, to live stability and share a focus into a consideration of all things here, to live in thought, word and deed that which respects and recognized the abundance of life that is here as the physical which is creation manifest. 

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