Day 862 Finding my own words. What does it mean to be of sound mind?

Everything is a math, a geometry, a form. Everything has a function according to its form. When a wild animal paces in a zoo, it is because its very form is not given license to express itself. 

The same could be said of children acting up in a classroom. The space, the venue, the isolated artificial light filled with second hand information mis-uses the form and function of the fundamental sentience of the human child. Thus reactions happen. The use of the language missing the living words that lend a more ordered expression of the form that is the human child. And, the body of the human being of water, and salt, the past is imprinted, information as experience is imprinted, and “ follows” with the child. Thus, there is an absence in an isolated box  called public schools as they are “ ordered”  today of real information, and an absence of the living forms that is what the child is a part of as this physical reality, and a resonant image of all that came before that moment from a system lacking recognition of how this all works.  This is basically the creation around us. We are ignoring how this that is in plain sight actually works. Even those playing god cannot win at the end of the day. How this creation actually works must be worked with. Plain and simple. It makes the media and conspiracy theories one and the same, because unless there is a direct relationship between the physical things of this physical living reality, time loops of information become distraction and what is real is ignored leading to an overall death. 

This also reveals the incredible and amazing sensitivity of the nature of life itself. It also allows one to realize that all the shadows within one can be let go, because they are of a past, at the moment, that is a chaos because of a lack of looking here, directly at this living earth.

This frees one from past “ trauma.” It means one can breath through what is coming up within, and then, once one is able to breath through a time-line of resonant information, one can then step in and look at the projected resonant memory. One becomes a discerner of what is coming up from within. And one can breath and at the same time, look here, remain in this living moment here. One must recognize the difference and then face the “ dragon.” lol, face what is “ drag-(ed)-on by one’s acceptance and allowance. It is to realize that nothing can define who and what one is as a form and function of and as a sentient state of being. At the end of the day, the shadows have no real power. Reminds me of seeing a demon one time, who was a man, a gentle man before I myself projected an idea ( with no spoken word) that triggered this “ dead” beings projections. They looked like these kinda whispy things jutting out in front of the increasingly angry used-to-be-a-man ( as opposed to a woman).  It was too late at that point, I already realized that sudden storm was a gentle man’s innocence behind the storm and that this “ thing” could NOT touch me. It was an absolute. 

Then why can I still be triggered, as someone did in a few months ago. I watched this storm coming up from within me and before it “ erupted” I went into breath. The essence of this within me was a fear. At the moment, I wanted to go into full combat mode, but know enough to understand that moving in that reactive and accusative way was not an option. I was too busy in that moment processing what was erupting within me to see beyond the point and realize a solution. I also realized that the triggering storm near me, was already in full swing. It had to “ come back down to earth.” Meaning, it had to become calm or it would only be fed, which was the opposite of solving the problem.

I ask myself why I went into “ shield” mode myself? There is  a " knowing"  real way to process the time-line of projected ideologies covering up a separation from innocence, that gentleness that was more “ pure.” It is visible, thus the secondary projections are a mirage, in a way. A mirage can be seen though one must change the lens of one’s focus. Yet, as it is, we humans have shut down our natural sentience, and have mastered seeing the projections. It is a zombie apocalypse, meaning we are all walking around in resonant bubbles composed of time-lines of information. We have become masters of shadow workings. No wonder the animals hide from us. Do we look like a walking “ bright light” that leaves a dirty sooty smudge in our wake? Probably. If I were an animal in the wild I would probably run and hide too. 

The idea of opening up one’s heart to stand equal and one to the projection and at the same time maintain a grounding in seeing the innocence is most probably what an open heart can do. This is the foundation of and as the statement “ forgive them for they know not what they do.” I wonder if Christ, who was a man, could actually see this. And are there others, somewhere, who are also able to see this? Is this what the fantasy of and as the “ force” is able to be and do? Is it simply a matter of FOCUS? I would say, one would have to give everything up in order to realize this. 

This point, of and as “ nothing can define me but what I allow,” was prominent in my early forties. It kept coming up in moments. I suppose I started to realize on some yet unconscious level, that things being per-formed in front of me did not have to be taken seriously. Meaning, in some ways, they need not define me, and because of that I could respond in a way that did not take such presumptions seriously. There was a noted resistance in relation to addressing what is a state of separation from reality. 

Yet, I had probably used manipulation because I was answering to the projection. All those years in school were simply a regurgitation of information - information that was not enough to really expose how all of this works. As has been said, by thirty, the energy generated by the shadow zombie separation-from-self human had already fed their life energy into the present system. I was already all used up. Life has a way of self realizing, we do in time, or standing in this space, begin to discern the patterns. Hence all the suppressive drugs being souled/sold?  Is there really any real health today? 

So many epidemiological studies recognizing patterns and yet a lack of follow through to discovered correlations. And a bureaucracy that stagnates to create a fire-wall of not-allowing-the-information into the “ records” under the guise of a “ lack-of-funds.” The perfect multi-leveled gated marketing system game plan to hold back the discernment of a natural sentience. Meanwhile, that same system demonizes multi-level marketing. We can, at the end of the day, only speak of our experience. We mirror what we allow. That projected anger, as it will always be anger because that is the consequence of a loss of self, it is so busy per-forming a projected picture show that that is all it can speak of! The words are not living words, they are polarized value judgements that are a video game, with time-lines as strings of information, all of which will not remain at death. It simply has no real longevity. It is an inner tornado, an inner constructed FOCUS - the children absorb from the parents, mirroring their environment- that defining of terms that one can get lost within, or an absence of seeing where else to go.  It has no real eternal quality. It is like a whisper in the wind, and nothing else. 

Day 849 Seeing through the emotional projections

I am overusing the imagination! I find myself caught in inner dialogues .. lol die-logues. Like my “ god” of duality being logged or scripted within me, to then define me and resonate outwards where I will constantly validate that construction and lose a focus on reality. I move into a resonant vortex and then call myself a creator, only to realize it is a false god. Can one see where if a group did this some might faint as they move from their daily lives into that group generating one singular construction of belief? 

I interacted with a person close to me and suddenly found myself absorbing their focus. It is like a thing, a real thing in the space, a movement, a mirage.  I caught myself. It is a process towards limiting overthinking within myself. I also see that in some respects I may have suppressed some things. No matter, it is all a part of the process for me.

I remember I was in a classroom and had taught a lesson, had interacted in practice with the students and was at the point where I had the students practice on their own. As I walked around the room, one student looked up into space and “stared” what appeared to be a hole in the space. That is when I saw it, a huge screen in front of his eyes. He was an interesting student because he could do the math given by the system without any  previous instruction. He had the program for this within him. Later I found out he was adopted, because I remember thinking after meeting his parents that something did not make sense. How did I have that thought of something not making sense in relation to this student? What was I reading that I was not aware of in detail in terms of processing what happened, and yet had the reaction when meeting his parents that they did not have that within them that that student had within him? And again the question as to why I do not have this ability under my own awareness to the extent I could stand within that in any moment? I suppose my own ability was a program in itself with movements of visibility to cause more confusion within me. That which is real must be used even in fragmentation. 

I have realized that in those moments when such things happen I am usually calm and quiet within myself. This is what happened yesterday. It was such a sudden moment, and yet I slightly remember that movement of slowing down to listen. I am very close to this person, on a deep level I find it hard to become angry with them in any way. It is like we both know on a fundamental level that such is not real and not a place to go or to hold onto. I am, once again, left with a deep sense of shame. And a sadness in some respects.

And yet, the main thing I wanted to speak about was that I could see the resistances and reactions appearing, even in a much smaller movement. That protection and defense shield. It is almost as though there was a pulling back away from having listened. Which is interesting because I was in Singapore one time. I had been told many many times that it was very dangerous to take two blond headed children to that country. The whole time I was there is was so tense about my children. I kept a rigid eye on them all the time. It was a relief to return to the shop house and have quiet. One day I had left the house and gone to an area where there were banks, to deposit money. That day, for the rest of the day, in the periphery of my thin-king I felt that I had something hanging on me. I could not shake it. At the end of that day, that part of me that gets so sick of things stood on a side walk, as I neared the place I lived, and I stopped and said “no more!”. It was like I followed that string of uneasiness within me. I met a wall and heard a surprise on the other end of it. Suddenly, that presence , that “ person” that had followed us most of the day was gone. The whole sense of heaviness was gone. In one moment. I suppose such instances accumulated throughout my life leading to a moment where I asked the internet for some answers because I was really really sick of what is going on. 

Yet, it is interesting, because in that moment with the person in Singapore, it was like sensing that person was suddenly blocked off. And that is what is interesting about yesterday, because that fine line where I found myself standing with that person, there was a subtle shift. I sensed that this person could no longer look me in the eye, their head turned and looked elsewhere. I don’t really have anyone to  help me with this so I have to figure it out for myself. 

Anyway, I became aware of my own resistances which is most likely why I noticed the difference between the two expressions. It requires an increase in processing movements in living time. And it requires slowing down and quieting the mind. I also have this sense that I entered into some private space. Do we have shields that come up when we notice movements in the periphery of our presence? And, is this more an opening of the heart? What I find is that it is so important to work on one’s words, to improve one’s ability to process the language, because it allows one to focus on more than what is happening within one. One develops a sense of ease in processing the words, and by extension, can process more than what one is accepting and allowing within one’s self. It is just like a computer. One’s desk top cannot be cluttered with reactions as beliefs, opinions and ideas, as desires, wants and needs, one must see that and sense the greater space around one. It is simple, yet the chaos of the present system is meant to suppress this natural ability. We will not really be happy until we resolve this. And it is very practical, that is the great irony. And it reveals the absurdity of being a fractionalized resonant shadow of beliefs that have that quality of energy, meaning they rise and fall in relatively limited order because what is not real cannot stand with any constancy. And yet we are so used to standing in that, that anything else appears to be a no-thing because it lacks the addictive excitement of the spinning picture show within.