DAY 855 Working on opening the chest of potential as movement within living words.

Here again today I am aware of this “ thickness” in my chest area. This week, in moments of calm, I noticed how distracting thinking is and does? How the movement of the body is more able to respond within realizing solutions - especially within uncovering and connecting within more universal truths, or early acknowledged problems. One is more vulnerable in such a state and sees beyond politically projected belief systems. 

I realize in some respects that finding a point of vulnerability is in itself a greater willingness to face and resolve problems. I can see where going into or forming things in such a way that another is in a more vulnerable state of something I greatly feared - as though such a thing is a taboo. Yet, it is where one is softer, more pliable and therefore more able to LOOK. Allowing vulnerability is opening up changeability- that state of focus the very means of change. I find myself wanting to “ hold” this yet that is the same that leads to a loss of that of which I am speaking. 

It also almost feels like waking up to allow real feeling, and that such that appears to be a place to not go to, is the very same means to open up and remember joy, to re-member PLAY. This also feels unbelievable, or something suppressed. It reminds me of realizing that fear is an illusion. Like there was something there all along that was really a nothing - leaving a sort of neutral shock in its place. It is to  say that chaos blinded simplicity.  Is this a self catching a running train of protections that once realized have no substance? Is this why this appears to be something of such slight difference? In contrast it reveals projections that imbalance the body being the thin-king that they exist within and as? 

There is also a sense that I remember having while walking down a Zurich street back in 1998-1999 of and as “ everything is going to be okay.”  It is to say that discovery is gentle and is absent of an excitatory bling. It is to say a power-vortex has no real power. Somehow, the difference is not YET as clear as it might be but this may be the contrast of having lived in separation.  It is like coming home is great because it has no fanfare. One is simply in grace and that is the real power. Letting go and letting be without apprehension. 

I also sense that I am in a space where a conditioned bounce back wants to happen. There is this constant drive into tension within my chest area. I have been here before. It must be named more clearly, the directions moved as, expressed as able to face the unknown and as the same time have no worry in doing so, or laughing at falling down, much like a child learning to walk. Habits are programming, and programming was practiced and built/accepted/allowed. It is running on automatic - much like our present administrative and government systems. Perhaps those working on change do not realize the extent to which programming is blind to itself. Asking that to stand up and self realize, especially when money determines life is like talking to a huge resonant wall. One must stand equal to it. And one must stand with authority, which has a manner that is sound and stable. It can be heard through the storm - which means it must be said more than three times and consistently, like the 21 day rule for changing a habit.  lol, were school units usually of a duration of three weeks? The system uses the known to program limited and compartmentalized thin-king.  It creates a state of selective reasoning. It becomes a “ state of being.” We do have many talking about the deep state, or statism. How about becoming earthism? which is heartism? They are the same letters. Divide and conquer is done through an ever-so-slight pulling of information threads. It is why the “ veil” is considered to be thin. lol

And this is what it feels like in the body, in my chest, like there are threads pulling my shoulders forward slightly causing a form of a concave chest area. There’s also some pressure around my head, like a cap - lol a caption. Like I said the difference is slight and composed of symbols.  As some have said, we will know them by their symbols. I remember while being in a classroom and this one student staring into space was looking at a screen of subtle neon-like lights. I shut down and walked away. I had no idea how to deal with this at that time- the point here was that it was a bunch of symbols and figures moving around on a projected screen. I mean, what does it mean to sense real movement? Or to model real movement? That question came up so I wrote it out! 

What does it mean to walk with authority, the kind that opens doors without a need for recognition? This makes me want to cry, as a sense of having lost a joy. Like, if I walk in joy, I will be shut down, as it is not allowed.  The sense of wanting to cry being more a loss of this than  and an apology for having given up in some way, or an apology to myself …., and my husband. Deep down it is more that I must forgive myself- that it is okay, that everything is going to be alright. I can walk in joy, I can stop the bounce back into protection or rather “ not upsetting the status quo of separation.” It means to let be and to let go and to recognize running from and running to as being separate from a natural capacity to be present and process what is here. it is okay to be grounded, it is okay to be in recognition of potential and that which is separate from potential.  It is okay to NOT participate in the illusion of bling. It is okay to upset webs without causing harm. Reactions are okay, like the famous “ forgive them for they know not what they do,” or “ care but not that much.” It is okay to LOOK. It is okay to stand using natural senses, as this is necessary to sense the outlines of separate divisions that are of limitation. It is okay to be present and sense this living space.

It is like standing up and falling down, standing up and falling down, standing up and falling down again and again and again, and feeling so tired within doing this. Also, a bit like there is no other place to go but to stand up and fall down as long as it takes. That in itself becomes a belief, limiting focus of the greater whole. This is creating this warm falling sensation in my chest, a warmth of and as it is okay, embrace this and stop seeing ONLY this habit of and as a belief in standing up and falling down, again and again. It is NOT overwhelming to realize this and sense beyond it. In contrast, there is a constant that has a nurturing quality to it, and that is greater than the excitatory sense of having won something. It is like a deep nurturing characteristic of the feminine is absent, that same movement that can simply say sit and the dog will sit.   There is “ here.”  Nothing can define this unless by allowance, here is constant. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel tired in relation to expressing myself in relation to what exists around me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that things are impossible, which in itself is a distraction within and as focusing here, in the practical in the physical reality that is life in expression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that being is a series of standing up and falling down ONLY.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live this movement that is in reality a form of self pity, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that living in joy, within and as processing the information around me, as that which is limited and of separation from life and that which is here in plain sight as the practical living reality that is physical is not allowed - lol, “ allowed” sound like “ hollowed.” 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to feel

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that death is actually possible, as things are forms and functions, expressions and movements, and though yes, this physical form that  is me, changes, what is real as life, remains, as that is potential of and as creation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself onto thinking only.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to participate within and as what is a false power vortex, as a state of separation from the living reality into and as a limited set body of symbols/ideologies/resonant constructs/imaginations/fantasies/addictions/beliefs etc.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to feel here, to remember here, to respect all things as the physical reality, as this earth, and all that composes this physical living reality called earth

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the depth to which resources of the earth are mis-used to feed an ideological resonant storm of selective reasoning, serving a few, without regard for life, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand the extent to which the present system and the technology manifesting that system are a reflection of what humans have accepted and allowed within and as them, here, where the present economic system abuses freely given resources to feed a very limited storied construction lacking recognition of consequences and as such allows an outflow of great instability, causing the friction of polarization manifest as a projection separate from practical living physical reality, here that is lacking in substance and of which consumes the flesh.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear speaking up with specificity about how a Mind Consciousness System is a mind in division of and as resonant constructions layered into the conscious, subconscious, unconscious, quantum mind, quantum physical mind and the physical mind and the beingness programming, which makes sense because what we allow to express us would layer, as we suppress that which is out of sync with this living physical reality, causing blindness as suppression of real sentience, of real seeing here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to stop suppressing real seeing, within and as recognizing my own behaviors of and as a scattered selective reasoning of limited values, that create energy instead of real livings s being focused and in respect of all things here. 

When and as I find myself becoming tense, becoming tension, of which I slow down and cross reference, with every breath, to read what is here, as the words, to stabilize the words, and model recognition of life, within and as behaviors of grounding myself here, manifest as defining the space, and realizing what balances and lends a self direction of discovery of what has been suppressed through scattered selective reasoning that is heaviness causing and polarizing gaslighting the space here, all an illusion and what may be directed into recognition to then discover a natural ability to be present and to lead to birthing life into the physical, here.

When and as I find myself becoming tense, within and a s my body and my breathing I stop and I slow down, and I assess my own patterns of selective reasoning as value judgements causing a selective reasoning and focus, and I stop as I embrace my own acceptances and allowances and practice redirecting my focus as I call out by name my own characters, and then to assess what is around me, to bring forward actions that balance out inflammatory behavior running on empty, to ground and stabilize in a moment to then calm the immediate space to them realize potential which often is small, as our potential lacks specificity and structure to express itself and be of giving in an expression of and absolute purpose, to stand one and equal to creation here, to build a life on earth that lives the nature of life of and as absolute purpose which by nature, as I see it in this moment, of and as eternal nurturing where a moment of falling down is fun because it means one is closer to understanding how to move as life here. 

When and as I find myself moving into a persona, one that is deep, from that past, of and as “ I am so tired of standing up and falling down,” I stop and I breath, and I realize this belief as a persona, and I stop and I feel my feet on the ground and I look at how I am handling myself here, and how I am focusing my body, from habit, and I breath and I assess and move towards balance, within and as what lends self discovery and that which opens dwors/as movements as words, that bring awareness of all things here as best I can as though all things are me in another life. 

Day 849 Seeing through the emotional projections

I am overusing the imagination! I find myself caught in inner dialogues .. lol die-logues. Like my “ god” of duality being logged or scripted within me, to then define me and resonate outwards where I will constantly validate that construction and lose a focus on reality. I move into a resonant vortex and then call myself a creator, only to realize it is a false god. Can one see where if a group did this some might faint as they move from their daily lives into that group generating one singular construction of belief? 

I interacted with a person close to me and suddenly found myself absorbing their focus. It is like a thing, a real thing in the space, a movement, a mirage.  I caught myself. It is a process towards limiting overthinking within myself. I also see that in some respects I may have suppressed some things. No matter, it is all a part of the process for me.

I remember I was in a classroom and had taught a lesson, had interacted in practice with the students and was at the point where I had the students practice on their own. As I walked around the room, one student looked up into space and “stared” what appeared to be a hole in the space. That is when I saw it, a huge screen in front of his eyes. He was an interesting student because he could do the math given by the system without any  previous instruction. He had the program for this within him. Later I found out he was adopted, because I remember thinking after meeting his parents that something did not make sense. How did I have that thought of something not making sense in relation to this student? What was I reading that I was not aware of in detail in terms of processing what happened, and yet had the reaction when meeting his parents that they did not have that within them that that student had within him? And again the question as to why I do not have this ability under my own awareness to the extent I could stand within that in any moment? I suppose my own ability was a program in itself with movements of visibility to cause more confusion within me. That which is real must be used even in fragmentation. 

I have realized that in those moments when such things happen I am usually calm and quiet within myself. This is what happened yesterday. It was such a sudden moment, and yet I slightly remember that movement of slowing down to listen. I am very close to this person, on a deep level I find it hard to become angry with them in any way. It is like we both know on a fundamental level that such is not real and not a place to go or to hold onto. I am, once again, left with a deep sense of shame. And a sadness in some respects.

And yet, the main thing I wanted to speak about was that I could see the resistances and reactions appearing, even in a much smaller movement. That protection and defense shield. It is almost as though there was a pulling back away from having listened. Which is interesting because I was in Singapore one time. I had been told many many times that it was very dangerous to take two blond headed children to that country. The whole time I was there is was so tense about my children. I kept a rigid eye on them all the time. It was a relief to return to the shop house and have quiet. One day I had left the house and gone to an area where there were banks, to deposit money. That day, for the rest of the day, in the periphery of my thin-king I felt that I had something hanging on me. I could not shake it. At the end of that day, that part of me that gets so sick of things stood on a side walk, as I neared the place I lived, and I stopped and said “no more!”. It was like I followed that string of uneasiness within me. I met a wall and heard a surprise on the other end of it. Suddenly, that presence , that “ person” that had followed us most of the day was gone. The whole sense of heaviness was gone. In one moment. I suppose such instances accumulated throughout my life leading to a moment where I asked the internet for some answers because I was really really sick of what is going on. 

Yet, it is interesting, because in that moment with the person in Singapore, it was like sensing that person was suddenly blocked off. And that is what is interesting about yesterday, because that fine line where I found myself standing with that person, there was a subtle shift. I sensed that this person could no longer look me in the eye, their head turned and looked elsewhere. I don’t really have anyone to  help me with this so I have to figure it out for myself. 

Anyway, I became aware of my own resistances which is most likely why I noticed the difference between the two expressions. It requires an increase in processing movements in living time. And it requires slowing down and quieting the mind. I also have this sense that I entered into some private space. Do we have shields that come up when we notice movements in the periphery of our presence? And, is this more an opening of the heart? What I find is that it is so important to work on one’s words, to improve one’s ability to process the language, because it allows one to focus on more than what is happening within one. One develops a sense of ease in processing the words, and by extension, can process more than what one is accepting and allowing within one’s self. It is just like a computer. One’s desk top cannot be cluttered with reactions as beliefs, opinions and ideas, as desires, wants and needs, one must see that and sense the greater space around one. It is simple, yet the chaos of the present system is meant to suppress this natural ability. We will not really be happy until we resolve this. And it is very practical, that is the great irony. And it reveals the absurdity of being a fractionalized resonant shadow of beliefs that have that quality of energy, meaning they rise and fall in relatively limited order because what is not real cannot stand with any constancy. And yet we are so used to standing in that, that anything else appears to be a no-thing because it lacks the addictive excitement of the spinning picture show within.

The counter intuitive and the systems on our landscape called Earth Day 809

The counter intuitive and the systems on the landscape transforming life

We have these health systems and these “ education” systems and these governing municipal systems ostensibly here helping order our lives. Yet, do we really look at the very fabric of the landscape as the life on this earth? It appears to me that we make the counter intuitive normal over time as we accept narratives and frameworks meant to answer to narratives that in themselves accept a state of dis-ease as being normal. Life, in all common sense will spiral into dis-ease instead of balance when narratives attempting to make something that is not normal normal over time, especially when that narrative, or math, or composition, or geometry, or situation where there is a quantum measure interacting as what this life is and does in so many ways.

Then we have this deep blue ocean of water.  I have seen a documentary that outlines the possible past  existence of giant trees. This documentary has been tied to a belief of flat earth, which I cannot say is true or not true, and do not believe that is the point of the document. What astounds me about it is the absence of the water on the land, as these supposed huge trees, that were silicon based instead of carbon based,  held vast amount of water. This would mean that the increased water levels as the oceans are because of the change/death/elimination of these so-called giant trees ( radiators?). Also, all the granite we have from these large structures on our landscape, no longer is used as much in construction. We have such a granite structure in a town here, way out on the ocean, jutting up. Locally, I have experienced conversations that in this day and age, we could no longer build such structures. lol, I could see that in a couple of generations, such a structure would become so unfathomable to a child, in its inception that such could become some kind of totem built by some alien race. I mean, through ignorance, the victors could compose fantastic narratives, and the listeners would come to accept such as a truth, when in reality, it is all practical. Meaning, it can be understood as to how something was created. As usual, the practical is in plain sight, that which is the fantastical in terms of being some form of magical thinking, is of a narrative that generates emotions through fantasy, through not telling the whole story, causing   a belief that something is out of one’s range of understanding, when it is really ONLY a set body of information  touted again and again until it is believed to be a truth.  This would be an emotional state because, as I recently heard on a TED talk, emotions show us where we do not YET understand something.  Because of a natural “ life” ability to understand, that same ability can define itself within a limited narrative and by and through lack of understanding, become emotional and in contrast see  practical applications as being fantastic and out of scope, out of range, out of synch, out of line, out of form, or in separation resonantly from real creation. This is the most perfect of social engineering opportunities! If someone wanted to play god they could! Yet, leading an unstable mass, would become a full time occupation, one that would have the leader be distracted from that practical reality thereby separating from being present in reality. I mean, imagine riding a horse running in fear. Would one be able to place attention on more than the horse for a moment. Could such a moment last a decade in another measure of time and space? 

I read this article by a person educated in science. I noticed she did not say that a vaccine cures a disease, instead it changes the symptoms. That is astounding to me, and of my own fault because I did not READ those little words correctly, and as such, did not notice how specific this woman was. This statement alone reveals that vaccines are not framed, as a time line events, to remove something, they are more to mask something. In “ masking” something, they are basically hiding something, which is not addressing something. It is not looking at why the dis-ease exists, why the need to re-balance exists in the fabric of this physical and practical reality. It is a false business model overall. It is an unnecessary manipulation of the environment. It is a smoke and mirrors game, one of immense consequence and detriment to this resource, to this fabric called physical life, where being life would be physical. Thus, we have allowed, as participated in a false story, one of which has huge structures known as hospitals funneling expression through a construct that disseminates the physical through chemical injection and that touts a narrative in support of that false business model, projecting that again and again and again until it supposedly becomes a truth. It is a very limited math. There are many speaking up about this. And, this does not mean that everything in it is bad, it means that the total action is not what is best for the environment or physical reality. 

I also recently noticed, as I gathered around a group of educators, that these educators realize that the children are not wanting to read, and that the parents are so busy with schedules that ostensibly are to inform that child, that they themselves are not reading.  I find it interesting that right brain development, which can transpose to left brain, where the inverse is not the same,  ( the left does not transpose into the right) ... that right brain development, such as music, dance, art, also states that reading or watching global movements, develops that greater capacity of managing greater measures of movements overall in one’s environment with one’s self. Meaning, one can study math formulas, but cannot transpose them as readily into developing a greater spatial sense, as transferring tasks into the living reality. It is this maintenance of global movements that opens up a greater spatial awareness of one’s living reality. Why, I ask myself? Because one MUST look at more than one’s self! One must look at money flow and resource flow, and the SYSTEMS that hold that flow and movement of and as this very fabric of and as life, that is physical on which, as which, we live! It demands a greater focus of the parts and the whole. Music, art and dance DEMAND greater presence, as does being constant in being aware of global movements, or movements and actions within the whole of who and what we are. 

If one moves to integrate a greater awareness of and as the language, because language is a math, it is going to appear to be difficult, to move very slowly, because one is changing within to a different geometry, and that changing from a set habit appears counter intuitive! It is changing what one has acclimated to and it is moving against an inner defining narrative as a set measure of values, that are in themselves a system of quantum movements interacting with one another, like  a template of values, lol, a temple of values directing the body. If one has spent years in an isolated environment, taking in information without practical application, one is going to be drowning in the imagination, which is a mis-use of the imagination. AND, that mis-use has become a “ template” or temple, of a set body of information that has little practical experience so it is a knowing that is not a knowing which leads to emotional states of being because one does not really know something for fact, one has not experienced it in living reality! 

One would have an inner template out of synch with real experience and there for feel uncertain. Remember, emotions are “ not having enough information!”  Remember, something can be formed as said as spoken again and again until it is believed to be a truth, because we are water and salt, we are of crystal forms, that can hold information, and that can come to direct us, if this is not in synch with the very fabric of this physical and practical reality, we counter intuit best practices and actions because we have a resonant template that is a false business model. One could compare and contrast this to religion, because that inner picture show can become a religion as something we RELY on to define and direct our actions. It gets pretty simple. The narrative or story, spoken and played in every superstore, is a constant, as it must be, because its lack of synchronicity is so extensive, so counter intuitive, it has no real longevity, meaning no real sustenance, meaning no staying power! It is held in place by a mis-use of resources, and a mis-use of the imagination through an overuse of the imagination, where the parts are not necessarily bad. Meaning, too much water, or too little water can be a death sentence, yet just the right amount in balance, creates life! 

I can see, where all these counter intuitive information generating white castles on the landscape, done by totems of belief, resonant within, as stories as a program of a sequence of events, generating that limited story, causing all manner of bicycle rings of emotional upset, causing inflammatory response as the physical creation attempts to rebalance, visible in an aging human losing all spatial ability,  would need to be constantly projected onto the fabric of life. I can realize why we have a schooling system that by design creates greater and greater anxiety from a lack of real measure, or effective inner template composing/building -  so well composed one makes that leap into grace as moving through the eye of the needle into being equal with creation as the physical - would, .. I can see why that counter-intuitive-to-real-life-measure would then bring forward a common-core measure of adding multiple steps to processing a set of numbers, thereby elongating it, which is like asking a run-away horse to ADD more things to process to get to a simple solution, to thereby cause greater anxiety! One is already in an emotional state that has over time compounded, and then suddenly asked to HOLD more information within to process a set of information! I mean, if that is not an example of counter intuitive action and one does not see it, then one has not taken the time to care about this reality, this fabric, this living entity called earth of which we are a sum of as the parts creating the whole. It is a game of playing with space and time, which is what false narrative, and a false business model is and does. 

A false narrative is like reading a set of directions that are not enough for one to “ put together a dresser, or a faucet for that new sink, or to inform a child to move with this fabric called earth that is physical.”  Has one ever bought a do-it-yourself object, assembled all the parts, only to find that one little piece was not placed at the beginning of assembly, the instructions lacking that essential detailed step, and having to NOT ONLY, figure out what is missing, BUT ALSO, finding it necessary to disassemble the whole, to place that one little part in place in ORDER to get that object functioning with ease, or correctly?  Imagine that sequence is your life, and fixing that problem, that lack because one did not have enough information in the “ what one followed with trust “ instructions, imagine this taking 10 to 15 years of your life to sort out?  Now, is blaming someone else going to rebalance, or resolve that problem, that lack-of-proper formation? AND, is it cool that  we, the parts, have instructed another without effectively giving proper instruction?  

If a system managed resources to build something, and in that process of instruction of the parts, children in this life, of this life were starved through lack, is that cool in any way, and would anyone want this for themselves, and overall, it was a form of destruction of this fabric, this manual in plain sight, called this physical earth? Would the faulty instruction as the sum of the parts, as the human, would moving into blame resolve that false busy-ness template within as an instruction of effective movement change through blame or would there be a need for forgiveness of that storied information to change and synchronize with the living and real fabric called the physical in plain sight, one that instructs through respect which means moving according to the golden rule that is made public notice in every elementary school, that means to do no harm? 

Because the rule of life, was placed in plain sight, as a part of the instructions, for every parent to see, can we blame any one for what instructions we accepted and allowed when the real instruction was made public notice as policy through words on the walls of those same systems that we “ trust” to inform our children?  I believe in some form or another, in every elementary school there is the golden rule. We were given notice, and yet we ignored it. We sent our children into the very systems that mis-used the imagination, like feeding our children too little or too much water, all the while, the golden rule was an instruction in plain sight on the wall, as the measure of and as “ give as one would receive,” or, “ respect all things.” 

As one moves through the pillars of the school house, one reads the rule, and then skims the truth and sends the child into a system that mis-uses the imagination through over-using the imagination in an isolated environment, to mis-inform through lack of living experience, causing anxiety and then expands on set formulas, adding more steps to an entity that already is at a loss of capacity to HOLD in a constant manner a template, a totum, of and as an instruction manual that then takes a life time to correct! 

Meanwhile, there is an ocean of water, surrounding our continents that is of the tears of formations lost to us because of a mis-use of resources. And that deep blue entity, is the means of forming a fabric of stars as life in expression in this living expression that is physical that is life. One must rebuild, realizing the joy of discipline, relearning each word, aligning each word to respect the whole and the parts, to synchronize with this life, and to realize counter intuitive templates, or inner temples of information, that are not moving in alignment with the golden rule  that is made public notice at the same time the limited instructions in the information feed about this world, are sounding all around us. It is a noise that has no real substance, and it is a noise that is counter intuitive to that self buried under that sound construct, that one on some level understands. One must decompose an inner instruction manual, taking it apart, to rebuild to be in orchestration with this living fabric of life called the physical. One must instruct one’s self equal and one to what it is that one is, which is life.  The instructions are all around us, they are physical. The rule are to move and self direct in ways that do no harm. Simple. Perhaps it is time to rescript your instruction manual.