Day 857 Self forgiveness on the resonant mind consciousness system of separation from life.

The other day, I had a conversation with someone close to me. In a moment, I was aware of contradictory statements, and then, a “ state of being” as a personality. It is, though I have heard this before, a movement into a limitation, like holding a belief as a thing, and then in the next jumping into another context. Overall, a cognitive dissonance from the ordinary practical and physical reality that is here, in plain sight. 

The words, changed according to the personality. In one moment it was resisted, or reacted-to in relation to what I was conveying, and then in the next it was admitted to or acknowledged. What I noticed it that as I noted the two entities of belief, as expressed, as a contradiction, the different states of being, like a thing, like a mathematical formula in front of me.

Within this, I could also see that in the past, I would have reacted to the emotional content of one and agreed with the other to appease the initial emotional reaction. lol, at the same time that I write this, I realize that in working with others, I tend to relax when there is agreement, at the expense of covering some limitations that would most probably become a bounce back. Therefor, within this, having a situation where there is seeming agreement, there is also necessity to cover what is not being said. 

I suppose, as a child, seeing a state-of-limitation as a time line of built beliefs, would be a “ pain” in a way, and within myself, a reaction as a movement to move away from, ignore, avoid continuing or creating that tension of limited belief consuming the FOCUS of the body of the person. Yet, the realization that nothing can define a person, would enable one to have empathy as one moving beyond sympathy into real means and ways to allow a self discovery of balance and presence. Somewhat like turning a dial on a magnifying device in ways that uncover a limited and constructed focus of the body. Yet, I have found that uncovering things, when noticed and remembered, one - as anything in this reality, there is a need of space to process the uncovered, or discovered. Within this, one of the means of limitation is to give no space to actually process one’s experience. It is why, as I have discovered, our present government layer and spread things out, making it easy to hide what is real in plain sight and yet cause distraction to uncover the construct of the whole. Greed is a nasty business, one that kills the parasitical host as well as the victim. This understanding is probably there in the child, as the child enters this superimposed reality in reality. Processing that and learning to live with what is here, requires careful consideration, that one thing that is basically blocked within the demands of a limiting system. But then again, overall, it is like one giant computer game, where one must learn the inherent traps- even when they are spread out.

Yet, this is about inherent contradictions that are visible in a state of jumping beliefs within self interest. Self interest being a math that is separate from the practical and ordinariness of life manifest as the physical. This that would be a state of considering ALL things, FOCUSING the body on recognizing ALL THINGS. Of course, cross referencing all things, would mean to focus in the moment, as here. Focusing on memorized ideas, beliefs and opinions, would be a state of separation from being focused here. And, as humans are happy when they are doing, being focused here, would have a quality to it, one that would be more constant and calm. Most likely, when we are at our best self, the quality of our expression would be that of greater constancy, meaning of less contradiction. Again, it is all a math. 

In this moment, of which I speak, the contradictions as the expressions from this person I was communicating with, were suddenly visible. I, within myself, realized on one level, how influenced I had been by the emotional intensity of this person. And on another level, at the same time, I realized to probably a more defined degree, how much contradictions are so evident. And they appear like a sudden jump in space in time. I also realized, simultaneously, how such could be more directed into seeing the whole and the moving parts - as life is consideration and expression at the same time. And, to had another level of my own inner movements, from being the same, I realized I feared what was said and discussed, with the reactions as beliefs, that more than likely, our conversation would be echoed through a group and spun in such a way that answering to the scattered beliefs would be a ripple effect that I feared “ causing.” As it would be me, in relation to all of this, that the questioning of things would be placed upon. And this, in a way that I had criticized what was basically a belief construct. Something that as personality and limitation would react and be cognitively dissonant from hearing anything else. Thus, addressing those fears is necessary. Especially, when overall, as always, the answer is in noticing the inherent contradictions and balancing them out into common sense. This means facing the storm of limitation. And, as was more visible in this moment, at the end of that day, it is something to be fearless within. A fearlessness that needs no second thoughts, no requirement of recognition, no sense of gain. Any of those things would hide the difference. 

This also helps me to realize in a more substantial way and means that the difference between being present and focused in respect of all things, has a direct correlation to the amount of contradiction in what is said as the very words we speak. Thus, as I said before, it is all a math. And, the focus of the body, within and as accepting limitation, is visible. Moving into what is natural, as something like hearing that grass grow, will take time, and yet most likely open up in a moment as something that was always, in all ways in plain sight, and very natural.  I suppose being able to do that, would also mean one would be able to see one’s own means of separation from that, in a moment. And, know it so well, one would never ever make the choice to return to ignorance. It is that the less one believes one can move one’s self here in this reality, the greater one’s distance is from reality, and the more resonant chaos of ideas, beliefs and opinions one has spinning within one as a false god. The more this is one’s state of being, the more difficult it is to pick up a hammer and hammer in a nail, so distracting is one’s resonant ghost. The potential ensuing verbal drama’s are a form of entertainment, from having played a video game for so long, the focus has a hard time being changeable back into remembering that life is all things, and thus the physical living reality is the starting point of who and what we are as life. It is life in expression and it is here.

Self forgiveness to follow… 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear emotional movements, as expressions as beliefs, as ideas, within and as the very focus as form within and as the physical living flesh as the body.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as ideas, beliefs and opinions as making a projection of ideas, beliefs and opinions larger than life itself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to breath, to slow down and to use myself as life, in tandem with this physical living flesh that is me here, to see realize and understand that life is here in plain sight, that the focus as a from, as a movement of the physical body as the flesh as this earthly living form, is life, and as such can build an inner focus of separation from common sense, visible when one listens to the words being spoken and look at the movement of the person in plain sight, as the lens of the body reveals the focus of the body here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that processing the inFORMation of what is here, is what is innate about who and what I am as life as the physical and as such can see, and feel that focus of the body and hear the contradictions as the words, as the sounds as the forms from the body here, and within this, I am able to address the information and the focus of the body to see realize and understand imbalances and discover what makes sense as what is best for all here as life, as the means is always in all ways here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand the correlation to being emotional and being present here, as the difference is visible, in the focus and the words of the from as the physical body as the person as the human as the life that is here as life is simply here, whereas projections distort focus and expression of self as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a character of and as a quality of being surreptitious, where I listen and maintain a distance from being here, which in itself is being a watcher, without taking actions that move into what balances the within, to the without, the above to the below, to realize the value is being here, equal and one in consideration of all things as all that is is myself in another life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to tense up, within and as my chest area, to shut down looking here, within and as allowing myself to fear emotions, which are basically not having enough information, and as such causing a state of separation and limited thin-king here, as well, a from of protection and defense as a consequence of avoiding consideration of all things in a moment, because of an idea of a fear of loss, when the real loss is a lack of considering all things, where in so many ways, the simple is usually the answer, often visible in retrospect, revealing that the polarized chaos is also a system, one that morphs in many ways and can appear overwhelming, when within this the patterns are similar, and as such, able to be addressed without any emotional reaction within myself here, as I am life and I am here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to slow down and decompose what is around me to see realize and understand the correlations evident in the difference between being focused here, in respect of all things and being in protection and defense in relation to hiding a lack of being able to process the projections of beliefs, opinions and ideas, and the difference of being present and in recognition of all things as the realization that life is physical and in plain sight here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize in every moment, the power of being focused here, and not reacting to limitation, but to rather focus on the form that is here, in every moment, as the difference between being focused and what is essentially being scattered as living as knowledge and information, instead of being practical and in respect of life as the physical, because the physical is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel ashamed at the extent to which I focused ONLY on the emotional content of and as the fear, the false evidence appearing real, as the projection of ideas, beliefs and opinions, that are recognizable in the polarized, value judgements that are basically a denial of being present, as a value judgement is an association to an idea, as the very quality and nature of such, which is a signature of being scattered and thus insecure, and thus in a state of loss of common sense.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize the math of what it means to be scattered, that is visible, as in the very focus of the body, as the presence is absent, because at the end of the day, each and every one of us knows the difference, which is why what we practice is what we become, as what we practice is what we allow, which leaves a mark, because separation causes a lack of focus, and thus a lack of capacity, and thus a lack of security and stability.

I forgive myself for being locked in limited associations within and as the very focus of myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to read through things like troll letters, especially the really long ones, because they bring forward the patterns of cognitive dissonance, in their very form and function meant to cause frustration and discord, as things are triggered through label and name calling and seemingly invisible threats as the “ you are either against us or with us” scenarios which is a form of limiting information as revealing the whole and the moving parts.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing a storm, to fear being confrontational, as in reality, fearing to be confrontational, within and as common sense, reflects the degree to which one is lacking information as being grounded, as facing limitation and scatological thin-king,which is a gift because it means that one is essentially lacking in real seeing, in real living presence, in real movement as steadiness, as being grounded in consideration of all things here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that any form of self pity is a distraction from looking at what is here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to have realized the difference between speaking as knowledge and information, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear to look here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear to look here, and to open this up, as I fear being accused of having done the same, and also within this, to realize that all manner of responses will be expressed as the very process of coming back down to earth requires processing the difference here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have not noticed the difference.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing a mind consciousness system that is of obvious shadow movement within and as the human physical body that is more constant as it is life, as this earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to remain steady in focus and purpose within and as realizing in thought, word , and deed that life is here, and that life is physical, as this is considering all things, and taking the good and ensuring no harm, to redirect into the value being life here as being in expression of creation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to act, to behave in protection and defense within and as wanting to memorize structures to guide me in relation to, which is also an idea, that I must have a firm template or grasp, or both, to allow me, to prepare me to face what is here as a mind consciousness system that is a resonant form around the human physical body, as a projection of and as ideas about the past, which are basically unresolved beliefs as a fear of loss, in the order of being able to face something, which is a form of caution, and yet, any children, especially in earlier generations did not have this to the extent it exists today, and were able to see, and yet not be heard, as they did not yet have the means of communication, especially with parents who were lost in a limited narrative of limited values that were in an absence of considering all things as who and what we are here as physical states of being.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to relax, to remain calm, to see, especially within the experience, that when and as I look here, in some small moments what was discovered was of a greater understanding and a consequence  of being less emotional as a slow and subtle trust is built that enables me to face emotional storms with lending direction that resolves and discovers a more balanced state of being, which in itself as a form of realizing emotional charges as beliefs that lack respect of who and what we are as physical life, as life is physical and that physical is life, as it remains and is visible, is in plain sight here, and as such as a system of great inequality, what is the means of a few owning what is here put to promulgate a narrative that there is an after life, or to pretend “ love and light” when real love is the universal measure of and as “ to give as one would receive,” as this measure in practical movement, would create an existence where no one is in lack, as this is natural. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am disempowered.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe, that I have no power.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand how tiny is the projection of a mind consciousness memorized and self created inner resonant system is a construct of little value in that it has no real longevity, as was evident in the death of my father, thus the emotional storms of really of no significance, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself as my beingness, to see, realize and understand that it means to stand here, within and as describing the difference, to bring the gap between being focused here, in respect of all things as the physical living and breathing and expressing physical state called earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that at the end of the day, there is only here, this physical breathing expressing reality called earth.

I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding that when and as I cannot hold a more complex form within me, I am showing myself to myself, as the very distractions of polarized values thwart my focus onto being one and equal within and as standing equal to a more complex form, which means that when and as I cannot stand one and equal to a more complex form of disassociation I am not grounded here, in reality, equal and one to this existence, for which there is no excuse, none, no “ soft love” as an idea is going to change this, as there is only standing equal and one with intent, especially as adults that can use words and communicate because I am no longer a child.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to process what is here as forms chest on here, as I understand that the heart as a much greater electrical field than does the head…., but more on that research later.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that even if this is true, it means that the suppression through the use of projection of an energetic visible field around the physical body, is of such thin stuff it is astounding that the heart is suppressed to the degree that it is…

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand those moments where “ troll” manage was in my space and to which I did not react, and instead if anything, looked at with curiosity, and within that realized the patterns and forms and was more effective in not triggering the emotional field, and as such answered to it in ways to allow it to discover itself, within and as asking it to repeat itself, as within the law of three, bringing something forward three times as a great effect, which is also in the bible.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to ask questions more, as making statements by nature places pressure to respond, which causes a discord within a state of separation as a person believing that their resonant belief system is more real than life here. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that I am life and as life I am capable of standing one and equal to what are essentially resonant constructions of polarized values that has patterns to it, like patterns of grief, and is visible as we can only speak our experience here, thus we reveal even in silence where we are at, as the living breathing physical reality is in plain sight and of such magnificence that real life would be in expression in every moment, even in silence, as in a way, within and as intention, real understanding is a constant that cannot be denied.

Day 848 Steering through a spell of emotions.

At the moment, within and as realizing what a “ living word” means and does, it is more to realize what words I am actually living. Am I living an idea, a projection, a shadow of an idea or am I living a focus that is steady and clear, as in being in consideration of all that is here? If I notice an avoidance towards something, then I must be living something ( and this is not in relation to something like avoiding a physical flame because I know that would burn my hand!).  Do I have the courage to process what I am being defined as within myself and at the same time, stand stable within and as what acts of resistance I experience within myself in real physical space? An act of resistance is in itself an admission of seeing. Such a lot of effort to ignore the present. That makes no sense. 

There comes a point where one must move, and perhaps it means moving without moving. It means to remain grounded no matter what and then to move as that state of being grounded. It is to say it requires no doubt and the realization that not every interaction with another will be as of yet as good as it could be - yet the only way to realize, to manifest something in real time that is of a living movement, requires one to actually do it. This is where one lives a thing, without thin-king. That realization that what is of life can not be destroyed in many ways, because the potential of life is a constant ,meaning in a way, real form and function that is of giving, as in finding stability in purpose, is what would be a living experience. I mean what is an “ a” and what is a “ b” ? What are these things that most probably, like pressure on a string agitated by the hair of a bow, can cause a different reaction in a crowd of people in a room. I mean I have played with this. I just slightly change the intensity of the generated sound to test the response of the crowd. At the end of the day, what generated more attention was the extent to which I attended to what I was doing in its totality. As though that physical state of being focused - which in itself generated a kind of ease and stability - was what drew in attention more than attempting to manipulate the reactions of a group. Yet, attention onto the group and their reactions was perhaps, at the same time, a part of the process of being focused on the instrument as the physical reality is as the in-form-ation of life as the physical. 

I sense a pressure coming from my back area. That is ego, that is energy, it appears like a pushing down, that action learned when? It sweeps into my chest area, it is a movement. It is a personality. A personification. Or, a practice experienced in the past, seemingly invisible and anonymous. A-non-I moss/must/muse? Okay, where did I start? I started with the living word, what it means to live that. And avoidance. That pushing down movement that is like a sweeping in of something, and within that a repose of S-weeping - ness. 

How many “ DON”T DO THAT!” experiences did I have as a child, a baby, a toddler ? I could say that movement has a pulse like quality to it. lol, Then  I ask myself if I am beginning to create another “ thing” as this within me. 

Twice I remember greeting a couple of politicians. Senators in their space after giving some talk. Once was at a local meet and chat situation. They always appear to have men in suits standing around them. One can walk through that as those suited men assess one- checking for resonances or most probably physical “ tensions” in their role as protectors of the politician. In a way one can see them moving through their inner filing systems. It is not really any different than performing on a stage. I wish I understood this as a child - yet I did do some things that were an understanding of this, and most often I did not think too much about them. We all have these moments, it is more normal - the state of being in an emotional inner storm is the state of being abnormal. If we understand that difference, we would change this world system in short order. It is but a breath away. This and that we as humans do want to get along and participate in creation. That is our real essence. 

I can see where the creation of role play as a politician or administrator in a system where that role remains in a set group of people, in a box, is that rat cage scenario. Such a form can cause separation from reality. And the inner “ rats” in that cage forget about reality and become polarized in their desires within the immediate environment as the other humans in the environs. The very design causes the problem. Lao Tzu understood that the moment one has a government one is already lost. It is necessary for politicians and administrators to change, or rather to go back into the living existence outside of a petrie-dish because their groupie-group gets isolated and loses sight of the greater whole. The fact that we pay taxes and allow such a form to make decisions with that digitized value of labor and resource use, is astounding in itself. As I understand Ronald Reagan to have said, that there is a cap on what a government can “ take” being at 15%. If we look at all the things we pay for, it is well beyond that- hidden in numerous fees. Then when the digits are not enough, more is printed and the overall value goes down with those with their hands in the printing, purchasing up resources with those additional digits as the ones who do the actual creating of things losing out. We must begin to realize that nothing can actually be owned, we are stewards of what is here. How has a veil of misinformation become so rampant in our reality today that we argue for useless masks and ignore the greater numbers of humans and plants and animals that are starving, or even that Americans are starving in an illusion of food abundance?  I think these “ lockdowns” are that Rumplestiltzkin is being called out by name! The addicted-to-power/control are in great fear of losing their larping! ( larping means LIVE ACTIVE ROLE PLAY)  It appears that Biden’s larping is consuming his body to the extent he no longer has enough substance to maintain the personification! He is going into dysfunction mode.  From my local experience, the 80 something people I know recognize the decline because they have experienced it in their age group.  It also begs the question as to how many of our words are formed. How many of our words are acronyms of behavior where we cannot remember the origin of the word? Overall, are words the system of the mind? Simply an expeditious way of conveying information, where that conveyance has also caused separation because it allows for manipulation in itself? And yet words are structures in themselves? 

I realize that we build awarenesses of things. Our presence into a structure must be clear, as we build that pathway of connection because we sense the space. Words can help us structure such to convey that awareness, especially if that is clear within us, because that state of avoidance means we see. We must master words because of where we are at. If one’s inner awareness avenues are clear, we can share them with ease and patience. I find we have more patience when we are more clear in our awareness. We increase in our processing ability, to the extent we can exponentially cross reference our awareness and absorb the new. We can also fall into a trap of automation. In a way, it is to remain present, as in cross referencing our awareness with the known in every moment. That is what one does within a discipline - more visible when the trap of automation begins to happen - and yet, perhaps this happens often in our works today because there are boundaries in relation to opportunities. One must never allow one’s self to become bored. It seems like a conundrum but actually it is not. It is perfect in its function. 

Why am I looking at this? Because the contrast helps me realize the difference between using a constant and consistent cross reference without protection and instead more problem solving directives, or realizing balance, or sensing what would align in more solid and stable directional movement. Another way is to say to myself that I am allowed to be this and do this. No one will give this to me but myself. I remind myself of steering a rather large sailing vessel. This requires a constant attention to all the physical factors on the water. It takes a consistent attention - as I said. It appears difficult only because our present system is one that constantly scatters our focus, and yet we allow it - and, a lack of being focused on the physical is somewhat disconcerting at first because I think it must be like being placed in solitary confinement as what one has been, as allowed, becomes more obvious. 

It is like a person who encounters a spider and freaks out. If they were to attempt to focus on the spider and remain calm, the difference of their resonant beliefs would be realized and countering that would take will power. A will power that is so entrenched in the practice of a reaction that countering that resonance would appear to be overwhelming. Yet, one cannot really say a person has no will power, because it took a will to become that reactive fear full of projections - mostly of doom and gloom, as ideologies divorced from reality. It is one thing to say this, another to apply it. One must first realize what motivates one’s body.  Remember a baby must learn to direct its body. It has gotten to the point where I can actually say this to people despite reactions. I would have been terrified to speak up against one’s inner programmed directives because that is considered a “hurt” to be in disagreement. When in reality it is the opposite. Interesting enough, it is a disagreement of agreement, where no force is necessary, meaning no self-protection, or no self validation, or no agitation. It has a quality of great patience. 

This is that point again, as a pattern in writing these things out where shame comes up. It is a deep shame. As though a part of self was lost. It realizes so many losses, and yet behind that loss is also a tiny flicker of joy.  It is uncovering a cyclical nature of self practiced and mastered avoidance tactics. And yes, this is how we work. We cannot blame anyone for our own experiences. We must be the fool, and stand up once again no matter what has happened to us.  What I find most interesting within the African American community is the at an essential level, the human being that is the life within knows this too. Because of that, we know that the race game is one of distraction. 

Day 836 working on the word " engagement" An engagement with constriction.

I am going to look at the word “engagement.” I immediately went to an etymology dictionary to look at the root words in this word. What came up is en = in and gage = pledge. As a child, I , when I spoke the words, “ you want me to be hurt, so I will be hurt,” was myself making, or being in a pledge. It would mean that I must correct this pledge I made in a moment of reaction as a child, a small child. 

I will do self forgiveness on this point. Yet, to be honest, what would be the self correction? What would it be in specificity? It appears simple, yet to really live it, to the extent the new commitment removed years of this pledge, that I most probably regretted at some later time, or forgot and went on with my day not realizing that this one tiny action was informing my consciousness. I mean, look, when we practice a sport or an instrument, we get better at it. It works the other way too. One can lend effective self direction the other leads to increasing cognitive dissonance. What was that infamous message said over 3000 years ago by a man. Remember he said “ though I walking the valley of good and evil …” what is that? Is that an indication in the words of another age of a state of being we could call a cognitive dissonance within blocking us from reality? Why can’t we remember what we were doing last year in this moment with great specificity? Where are we? What is the constant? 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to as a child, as my beingness to make a statement as a focus, as a form, of and as “ you want me to be hurt, I will be hurt.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live the form as the words, informing myself as this, as the statement “ you want me to be hurt, I will be hurt.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a spiteful statement, of and as “ you want me to be hurt, I will be hurt.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become spiteful, even as something I might later regret, yet did not understand that in a moment, what I express, is what I allow, even if it is as a child.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a reaction to a problem, instead of living a solution in a moment of being confused and frustrated.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel in moments that this forgiveness is not necessary, and yet, going back and bringing up memories of even the smallest of actions from my past, is necessary because it brings it here and allows me to realize what it means to be life, within and as to consider every movement, action within myself that I allow, to look at this, and to realize it here, to call it out by name, and to then catch seeing such movements to never ever move as this again, as the consequences are a loss of that very means, a reaction, to form as the life that is me here.

I forgive myself for remembering ONLY that moment, or allowing that action, that spite, that reaction, to be my pledge to myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react in spite, instead of using that same capacity to create, to within creation, be a form of assessment, which means that the capacity is here, as me, as this, to assess what is around me, and formulate what is an awareness of problem solving, within and as what opens instead of frustrates.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have pledged myself to an idea, within me, in self reaction to the environment around me, instead of taking a deep breath, perhaps ,stepping back, to assess and remember myself as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have formed within myself this pledge, as focused my body, my presence, my beingness into and as this form as the words “ you want me to be hurt, so I will be hurt,” not seeing realizing and understanding the extent to which I was in fact hurting myself more than anyone else, and as such disrespecting the life that is me, here, and that is all that is here as this earth, as the physical living reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself as my beingness, into a pledge that was a pledge of separation from life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a funnel, a focus, a form within and as me, constricting myself into forming as dis-associating from reality, as the words, “ you want me to be hurt, I will be hurt.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a residual consequence of and as shame, within and as this, and yet, to embrace this and let it go.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that I as life, can with this same ability, change the focus within and as me, to feel what is here, and realize that nothing can define me but what I accept and allow, thus, I am able to feel what is here, as I am able to feel and remember a state of being, or forming, of focusing upon, as my inner form as shape as movement within me, as making a pledge as a set of words, filled with emotional values, as the words “ you want me to be hurt, so I will be hurt.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel some sadness within this as having abused life, within and as allowing myself to become an emotional reaction, even as a child, even within and as living in a world where we are not really taught the depth of how all of this works, even though we have been told, thus as a child, this was not made clear, so, even though I must forgive myself for my own actions, being sad about this is not being within me, the living solution within all of this.

I commit myself to breath, to slow down, to recognize my own practiced reactions of spite and frustration and confusion, that have accumulated within and as me, and which I carry around as a program within and as my physical body that have added resonant layers of suppression and denial, shame and regret, when such programming hinders real living movement of and as respect for all things, consideration for all things, acceptance of what is real and natural as that innocence of a child, as being present and here.

I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding as my beingness as myself, to slow down and process the movement within my physical body, to realize physical resistances to being focused here, in this living, breathing, expressing, movement of life called earth, that expression as the physical, that is the means of life here.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand the movements of my physical body, to correct the focus as the movement as the expression of myself as life here, to equalize to the physical creation around me that is life, here.

I commit myself to recognizing when and as I move within and as me, as that reaction in a moment, as believing I am being “ hurt” or denied, or that the cognitive dissonance suppressing the natural, which is presence in recognition of all things as the means of life that is the physical creation, to cross reference the movement of me here, to know the difference between reactions as energy within to being grounded and steady, and present as the real value is life here.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that within the inner energetic resonances within my physical body, as stored information, as programming, that this storm of conspiracy theory, as one could say, must be taken apart, and rebalanced to restore what is natural, as myself as life here. and within this to see, realize and understand that this warping of reality into polarized values, is hyper inflating moments where within that are grains of truth , as what appears to be small anecdotal insights into patterns, that reveal the real living workings of this reality, thus, the more effectively I recognize what is hyper-realized and practiced selective reasoning, has within and as me, become hypnotic because I accepted and allowed myself to FOCUS upon this, and yet within it, are the cracks into reality, that show me to myself, within and as what makes sense and what is absurd.

I commit myself to recognize the means of my own deception, such as a reaction within and as me, as a movement, of and as “ you want me to be hurt, so I will be hurt.”

I commit myself, as my beingness, as the life that is me, to slow down and breath, to ground myself here, to see realize and understand what is more constant and stable and forgiving of and as life here.

I commit myself to , when and as I find myself feeling overwhelmed, leading to frustration, or confusion, to slow down, to take the time to look at the hyper-realized parts, as reactions, as what is hindering understanding, as a pattern of beliefs causing a cognitive dissonance within and as embracing what is here , what is stable, what is constant, as what is in tune, as what builds self trust, to resolve conflicts, and realize what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for the self. 

I commit myself to enjoying this, to playing with this, to use a creative capacity to look, to consider, to see the movement of and as what is here, to resolve what brings solution, which manifests as a constancy that no one can take away, as this is more a living with what is life, what is an expression of and as a creation that has the quality of being awesome.

I commit myself to remaining present, to slowing down and breathing, and grounding myself here, in respect of life as all things that are me, in another life are here.

I commit myself to realizing that I have faced many storms, many energetic reactions, many resonant constructions of ideas, beliefs and opinions, and answered to the limitations therein, therefor, I am able to slow down and play with the strings of limited thinking, as resonant ghosts, to allow self discovery, as refocus, into and as what is best for all here, as I am life here.

I commit myself to becoming the vocabulary of life, realizing what defines life, in thought, word and deed, as a movement as myself here.

I commit myself to having fun within and as this, as in reality we are all seeking ourselves as life.

I commit myself as pledge myself to myself through being the living word, as what is best for all, as what is best for allis best for myself here.

I commit myself to engage with life.

I commit myself to slowing down and breathing when and as I sense the slightest movement of confusion, frustration, anger, and overwhelm-ment, as this is  an indication that I am moving as reaction, and as such require more information, more cross reference, more assessment of and as bringing myself back down to earth to realize what is best for all, as this possibility exists here in every moment in all ways, always here.