Monday, June 29, 2020

Day 848 Steering through a spell of emotions.

At the moment, within and as realizing what a “ living word” means and does, it is more to realize what words I am actually living. Am I living an idea, a projection, a shadow of an idea or am I living a focus that is steady and clear, as in being in consideration of all that is here? If I notice an avoidance towards something, then I must be living something ( and this is not in relation to something like avoiding a physical flame because I know that would burn my hand!).  Do I have the courage to process what I am being defined as within myself and at the same time, stand stable within and as what acts of resistance I experience within myself in real physical space? An act of resistance is in itself an admission of seeing. Such a lot of effort to ignore the present. That makes no sense. 

There comes a point where one must move, and perhaps it means moving without moving. It means to remain grounded no matter what and then to move as that state of being grounded. It is to say it requires no doubt and the realization that not every interaction with another will be as of yet as good as it could be - yet the only way to realize, to manifest something in real time that is of a living movement, requires one to actually do it. This is where one lives a thing, without thin-king. That realization that what is of life can not be destroyed in many ways, because the potential of life is a constant ,meaning in a way, real form and function that is of giving, as in finding stability in purpose, is what would be a living experience. I mean what is an “ a” and what is a “ b” ? What are these things that most probably, like pressure on a string agitated by the hair of a bow, can cause a different reaction in a crowd of people in a room. I mean I have played with this. I just slightly change the intensity of the generated sound to test the response of the crowd. At the end of the day, what generated more attention was the extent to which I attended to what I was doing in its totality. As though that physical state of being focused - which in itself generated a kind of ease and stability - was what drew in attention more than attempting to manipulate the reactions of a group. Yet, attention onto the group and their reactions was perhaps, at the same time, a part of the process of being focused on the instrument as the physical reality is as the in-form-ation of life as the physical. 

I sense a pressure coming from my back area. That is ego, that is energy, it appears like a pushing down, that action learned when? It sweeps into my chest area, it is a movement. It is a personality. A personification. Or, a practice experienced in the past, seemingly invisible and anonymous. A-non-I moss/must/muse? Okay, where did I start? I started with the living word, what it means to live that. And avoidance. That pushing down movement that is like a sweeping in of something, and within that a repose of S-weeping - ness. 

How many “ DON”T DO THAT!” experiences did I have as a child, a baby, a toddler ? I could say that movement has a pulse like quality to it. lol, Then  I ask myself if I am beginning to create another “ thing” as this within me. 

Twice I remember greeting a couple of politicians. Senators in their space after giving some talk. Once was at a local meet and chat situation. They always appear to have men in suits standing around them. One can walk through that as those suited men assess one- checking for resonances or most probably physical “ tensions” in their role as protectors of the politician. In a way one can see them moving through their inner filing systems. It is not really any different than performing on a stage. I wish I understood this as a child - yet I did do some things that were an understanding of this, and most often I did not think too much about them. We all have these moments, it is more normal - the state of being in an emotional inner storm is the state of being abnormal. If we understand that difference, we would change this world system in short order. It is but a breath away. This and that we as humans do want to get along and participate in creation. That is our real essence. 

I can see where the creation of role play as a politician or administrator in a system where that role remains in a set group of people, in a box, is that rat cage scenario. Such a form can cause separation from reality. And the inner “ rats” in that cage forget about reality and become polarized in their desires within the immediate environment as the other humans in the environs. The very design causes the problem. Lao Tzu understood that the moment one has a government one is already lost. It is necessary for politicians and administrators to change, or rather to go back into the living existence outside of a petrie-dish because their groupie-group gets isolated and loses sight of the greater whole. The fact that we pay taxes and allow such a form to make decisions with that digitized value of labor and resource use, is astounding in itself. As I understand Ronald Reagan to have said, that there is a cap on what a government can “ take” being at 15%. If we look at all the things we pay for, it is well beyond that- hidden in numerous fees. Then when the digits are not enough, more is printed and the overall value goes down with those with their hands in the printing, purchasing up resources with those additional digits as the ones who do the actual creating of things losing out. We must begin to realize that nothing can actually be owned, we are stewards of what is here. How has a veil of misinformation become so rampant in our reality today that we argue for useless masks and ignore the greater numbers of humans and plants and animals that are starving, or even that Americans are starving in an illusion of food abundance?  I think these “ lockdowns” are that Rumplestiltzkin is being called out by name! The addicted-to-power/control are in great fear of losing their larping! ( larping means LIVE ACTIVE ROLE PLAY)  It appears that Biden’s larping is consuming his body to the extent he no longer has enough substance to maintain the personification! He is going into dysfunction mode.  From my local experience, the 80 something people I know recognize the decline because they have experienced it in their age group.  It also begs the question as to how many of our words are formed. How many of our words are acronyms of behavior where we cannot remember the origin of the word? Overall, are words the system of the mind? Simply an expeditious way of conveying information, where that conveyance has also caused separation because it allows for manipulation in itself? And yet words are structures in themselves? 

I realize that we build awarenesses of things. Our presence into a structure must be clear, as we build that pathway of connection because we sense the space. Words can help us structure such to convey that awareness, especially if that is clear within us, because that state of avoidance means we see. We must master words because of where we are at. If one’s inner awareness avenues are clear, we can share them with ease and patience. I find we have more patience when we are more clear in our awareness. We increase in our processing ability, to the extent we can exponentially cross reference our awareness and absorb the new. We can also fall into a trap of automation. In a way, it is to remain present, as in cross referencing our awareness with the known in every moment. That is what one does within a discipline - more visible when the trap of automation begins to happen - and yet, perhaps this happens often in our works today because there are boundaries in relation to opportunities. One must never allow one’s self to become bored. It seems like a conundrum but actually it is not. It is perfect in its function. 

Why am I looking at this? Because the contrast helps me realize the difference between using a constant and consistent cross reference without protection and instead more problem solving directives, or realizing balance, or sensing what would align in more solid and stable directional movement. Another way is to say to myself that I am allowed to be this and do this. No one will give this to me but myself. I remind myself of steering a rather large sailing vessel. This requires a constant attention to all the physical factors on the water. It takes a consistent attention - as I said. It appears difficult only because our present system is one that constantly scatters our focus, and yet we allow it - and, a lack of being focused on the physical is somewhat disconcerting at first because I think it must be like being placed in solitary confinement as what one has been, as allowed, becomes more obvious. 

It is like a person who encounters a spider and freaks out. If they were to attempt to focus on the spider and remain calm, the difference of their resonant beliefs would be realized and countering that would take will power. A will power that is so entrenched in the practice of a reaction that countering that resonance would appear to be overwhelming. Yet, one cannot really say a person has no will power, because it took a will to become that reactive fear full of projections - mostly of doom and gloom, as ideologies divorced from reality. It is one thing to say this, another to apply it. One must first realize what motivates one’s body.  Remember a baby must learn to direct its body. It has gotten to the point where I can actually say this to people despite reactions. I would have been terrified to speak up against one’s inner programmed directives because that is considered a “hurt” to be in disagreement. When in reality it is the opposite. Interesting enough, it is a disagreement of agreement, where no force is necessary, meaning no self-protection, or no self validation, or no agitation. It has a quality of great patience. 

This is that point again, as a pattern in writing these things out where shame comes up. It is a deep shame. As though a part of self was lost. It realizes so many losses, and yet behind that loss is also a tiny flicker of joy.  It is uncovering a cyclical nature of self practiced and mastered avoidance tactics. And yes, this is how we work. We cannot blame anyone for our own experiences. We must be the fool, and stand up once again no matter what has happened to us.  What I find most interesting within the African American community is the at an essential level, the human being that is the life within knows this too. Because of that, we know that the race game is one of distraction. 

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