Showing posts with label facebook. Show all posts
Showing posts with label facebook. Show all posts

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Day 386 Paranoia of the Unknown: Associations within words creating the Unknown.


I was looking at my words today and noticed that I missed the word “ cocoa.” I noticed a voice in my head, as the word crazy. I did self forgiveness on this. Then this old television commercial I saw as a child came up - some might remember this: “ Kookoo for Cocoa Pops.” These are the words from the cereal commercial, here with me, a ghost of paranoise from my past, influencing the words I speak, creating a word with a past, and adding a relationship that is an association with the word, and thus idea, of “ crazy.” This is what we as humans have accepted and allowed. And we wonder why, as we get older the idiosyncrasies within our characters become more prominent, and we have a more difficult time interacting with others, and as this, remain limited within small circles of people, fearing to change.

This added association is a ghost in the machine, a projection, that is in effect insanity as it is separation from physical reality, an idea out of sync with here/reality where a cup is a cup, period. Thus one could say that what is placed as ads on television ( is, lol, as the words imply, ad ons) within a profit based system, is creating a cognitive dissonance, polluting the words within clear meanings as how the natural learning ability of the physical body picks up what is presented during childhood and that this is what remains: a pollution of associations carrying destructive meanings as the connotations - the notes in the chord as the conscious, subconscious, and unconscious- that become what we are, as what goes in is what comes out. Thus, we cannot blame the objects as life as the human for the behaviors of the human, as we have all accepted and allowed what is sounded here as words creating chords that are associations that create ghosts in the machine as the physical body that occupy our thoughts consuming ourselves as life and thus separating us from life here, from being equal and clear as life here.
So, when I see the word cocoa, the back chat as the memories brings up the word crazy, and I will have a reaction and no longer see here, as I will fear being considered crazy, as this is a potential threat that I will be cast out and excluded from the system and then I will not survive, as I will not be able to earn money and thus be able to be self responsible. I allow myself to be so caught up in this emotional storm that I can no longer see what is here in clarity. Obviously, this leads to a mess.
What delusions, as paranoise, as ghosts in the machine as mind as words with destructive meanings, do our so called “ leaders “ have that perpetuate an idea of them being a “ more than” another, when they are the same as you and me, physical bodies that require certain physical support to live in dignity?  Do they have certain ideas that living outside of the nap of luxury, of excessive luxury, means that they will become some idea of a “ less than”? All of this absurd as this earth in totality can be a heaven on earth, where every part is cared for, living in full potential, where no matter where we go, we are surrounded by life in expression as life? 
The pollution we have all accepted and allowed begins with the smallest units of ourselves, that point of nothing, of no-thing, to life. The associations that we learn as children, if not clear in meaning, if not understood, and within this, the way the physical body functions in mirroring its environment,  and that this leads to a ghost of paranoise of emotional values attached to the tools of communication as words, blinding us from seeing what is here, just as I could no longer see the word cocoa through the ghosts of the past within my mind as pictures and attendant emotions and feelings, based on a commercial and the experiences i have had in life that sometimes can be ideas presented in early family life, as stories told about relatives, that then become threatening within a survival based system, what happens to the behaviors of men? And can this actually be used for control?
And, if we look at our world, what is happening as the outflow of this? There are up to 200 species  becoming extinct every day. There are children being born with gross deformities. There are forests dying at unprecedented rates, these trees that produce the air we breath. Oxygen is depleting in our atmosphere of at most fear that is the behavior we have accepted and allowed on earth, a system of inequality to life, as life is not what is here on earth. What is here is destruction, the outflow of associations to values of more than and less than within our words, as we are the creators of what is here, thus we are to blame, each of us for what is here on earth. We are responsible to clean up this earth, to get this earth in an order that supports and respects all life. Life is the value.
And all of this started with an idea that was a separation from life, that one thing is more than another. Judgement. Were we not told to not judge? Have we not been told to become a living word? Is not being here, the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow mean being here, equal and one to and as life, forgiving of oneself as life, here?

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from here, into and as becoming unknowning of here into and as idea in and as my mind, as a belief, as an association to an idea of being kookoo, which is a fear of survival which is a belief that one thing is more than another, the “ more than” actually creating a less than, as the polar opposite where a distortion of reality is what I allow myself to exist as not looking here at what is real as how the physical world functions in practical support as life, as life will life in all common sense.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define cocoa within crazy.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to connect cocoa to  the word crazy.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from the word cocoa and from crazy through defining the word cocoa within crazy in separation from myself.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the words as a memory from my past “ kookoo for cocoa puffs” in and as my mind, and to allow this to be associated with the word cocoa.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as a family story that was told to me as a child, where my great grandmother was considered crazy, and I associated myself with this because I was told that I looked just like her.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself within being the same as associations made about others, as relatives from the past, as what i am here, based on an idea, where I was not there, physically there and actually do not know the whole story.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand this layered definition behind a word that I have accepted and allowed to define me, and thus become an idiosyncrasy within and as myself as what i am here, all based on ideas, as ghosts in and as myself, as paranoise where the words as the back chat in and as my mind define what i am, or so I believe, as I was not taught how the mind works as information network of no intrinsic value that takes in what is here, without judgement, as it is simply like a computer that is able to be programmed, and not understanding this, I become the program with all the associations and relationships that i use to define myself and thus which creates my character here, as a human, that is actually myself in separation from here moving, motivating myself as limited values, which is what has been created into a world system that is separate from actual real practical reality as a system of survival as profit based for a few which is destructive to life as it is the outward manifestation of what each of us is allowing and accepting within and as us as knowledge and information only without practical application.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within a system of inequality, a profit based system, where it is insane to believe that ownership of resource has any foundation as a support of life, as any resource on earth is a part of life, as is the human, thus to deny this for any person, to deny full potential development of anything here is a crime against life, absolutely.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that creating television commercials that suggest a state of being as ‘Kookoo” within a system of inequality - where a fear of survival exists- as idea as mind as picture as paranoia lacking any practical common sense of physical reality is to feed the insecurity that is the nature of existing within mind as pictures as ideas only as more of a reality than the physical world, this that has been accepted and allowed by each and everyone of us, including myself because I have existed as this as well, where layers of divisions as ideas are created in all aspects of our society, relationships and ideas related to more ideas, all as a mind, as consciousness, a disease from what is real, what supports us as the actual real physical world, and this existing for so long there was a separate “heaven” created, so vast was the separation from reality, where in existence there were all manner of ghosts which are all manifestations of our separation sometimes called by its “ rightful” name as being insane, which in effect it was, but the degree of separation from physical reality was so vast that what is not insane is the realization that the ghosts in the mechanisms of the physical were a misplaced creation of ourselves as life, a play-out of delusions of grandeur turned sour as what is the outcome of believing that one thing is more than another, as mind as idea only , as consciousness. 
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that there are two problems not understood that must be realized on earth, that humans are instruments of life, if that instrument is not understood as mind, and not supported physically, behaviors of lack exist creating discord from life, which is what poverty, sexual abuse, animal abuse, environmental abuse is the consequence of as ignorance of physical functionality by design, as those in positions of comfort as lacking in equality with and as self as life are lost in paranoia/fear of loss of themselves as mind only as idea of more than, becoming only this, and busy fearing the competition through using governing bodies to ensure their continued comfort which is a separation from practical common sense of the actual physical world, a delusion so intent on itself as mind a separation from reality becomes a paranormal reality on earth for which we are all responsible and must stand and stop by becoming clear in standing and organizing a system that realizes the support of physical reality is valuing and respecting all life, this earth.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the present monetary system, as how money is being used, facilitates separation, buys commercial space to perpetuate a cognitive dis-sonance as mind, as consciousness in homage to an idea of one thing being more than another, this ideologue made huge as consciousness, in itself the separation from life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to want to look at what i am as mind, to understand the depression, the anxiety, the overwhelmingness I exist as, as being myself as mind only, as consciousness, where as I am in separation from the actual real physical world, the limited scenarios voiced as ideas in and as my mind cannot sustain me, and thus these separations as ideas become the paranoia, the paranoia of myself , my own accepted and allowed unknowingness, that personification that wants only happy postings on facebook, this character that fears itself as a self created unknown, believing ideas to be more than physical reality, and thus to stop the voices in and as mind as associations and relationships of measure of judgement to ensure survival it is to realize this as the separation, and to bring myself back to earth in practical common sense of the physical here, and within this to realize that the present system is an outward manifestation of what I exist as within, as myself as consciousness in separation from life.


Sunday, October 21, 2012

Day 182 Facing emotions and feelings,

I have noticed, especially being a single mom, that many women, and men are standoffish with me. Yes, at soccer games, when my children were small, there were mothers that would talk with me, but most of the time, they were distant; polite talk only, was allowed.
Otherwise, there was no interaction.
I used to get upset and then I realized, that I was a threat, a believed threat, and with the amount of divorces around me, I can see why this is. But a divorce is within the two, as the couple, and many times one of the couple runs to another couple, so it is not necessarily caused by the entrance of a single person.
Many times I have had in my head, as back chat, “ I do not want your fat egocentric husband”, “ You have got to be kidding me, why the fuck would I want him!” I have even considered saying this, but then I would get indignation because I had just criticized the man the woman was married to. But then again, I have seen woman flirt extensively with all men.
One time I was at this party and this woman would, when she talked with the men, actually bring her body in very close to the man as she spoke. She was slim and attractive. And all the men could not see this, they were all staring at her. So I said pointed out this behavior to the man I was with, and he re-looked at her. He was so busy looking at her, that he did not notice what she was doing physically. He became really quiet. I told him that if he wanted sex, I am sure she would be willing. He remained quiet and looked at her, got a little physically anxious himself. It was pretty funny. I thought, wow, this behavior is really entrenched as really bad, as in so much of what the men I know in their 40-50-60 age range that I encounter that there is this actual zoombie-like drive towards this. I mean, I have been in a restaurant with a man and he will stand there and begin to stare at women. The last time I just found someone else to talk to. And when this man came back down to earth, he turned and got involved in the conversation. I felt like saying, hello, your back?
I felt sorry for the hostess, the object of mental fairy land sexual play for the man.
Someone recently told me they had a relationship with a man where they met in public places and kissed and fondled. They never went into a “room” to actually have sex. She realized, as we are an older group, that the man had erectile problems, so “making out” was the only way to have a energetic sexual rush, as the “ you know what” did not work anymore and acknowledging this destroyed the fantasy.
Incredible.
Is this the point where many married couples start sleeping in separate rooms? Well, what I have heard is that this is because of snoring. But snoring is a breath in dis-ease, and perhaps within this, lies an answer to the other problem, that of erectile disfunction.
Instead we blame and hide. Never really looking, just seeking relationships for energy and not standing here, equal and one with and as this physical world.
But within all this, why am I wanting to talk with people, and then becoming fearful when they do not talk with me, for whatever reason?
Entertainment.
Often, after performing, people come up and want to talk, and then discuss why they never learned to play a musical instrument. It gets to the point where I do not want to hear this anymore and I want to say, it has nothing to do with talent, it is just doing it again and again and figuring it out, That is all. But this has not been well received, and the person ends up leaving with resentment because I just negated their belief in themselves.
When I interact with people, I probably run into the same scenario all the time, and I believe there is something wrong with me, and then I spiral around in my value system as what I have learned, to find a solution. There is no solution here. It is all behaviors within roles that support happy face illusions. It is like the facebook people who do not want to see what is really existent on earth. And when a post of some atrocity appears, they do not want to see it. There is no “wrong” within this, it simply is what is here and needs to be looked at. If this upsets someone, the question asked is why such a thing should be upsetting! And then looking at what exists to stop such behaviors. Why push a behavior into another room? or hide incapacity, or bellow emotionally about not being able to do something? What is that? It is actually nothing, pointless.
It is impossible to pander to emotions and feelings and tell the truth at the same time. And I think this is what I am trying to find, and it is impossible. Giving emotions and feelings value is turning this into a belief, and emotions and feelings are generated as like and dislikes which are themselves judgements that place one thing above another, which is separating from what is here as life into more than and less than. Starvation is caused by this judging into more than and less than, is caused by emotions and feelings that are themselves a separation from life. To say this means the death of one’s emotions and feelings; there is no other choice here. This is a possession and this possession is evil because by nature it ignores what is actually here. So, competition is a battle of emotions and feelings, these voices of values that are the act of existing as more than and less than instead of looking at what is actually physically here.
All of the above speaks of how the mind works and what being a directive as mind does to the human physical body. The mind is able to be understood. Emotions and feelings are able to be understood and seen for what they are. A lack of ease within the physical body is caused by a separation from life into and as what the mind does as a carrier of thoughtsthat select some qualities as more and others as less, judgement instead of looking at the physical world within practical functionality and using the physical as self to common sense this physical world. Where this physical world is of a substance of life, and self as this substance cannot be lost, where the objects surrounding us that are of this same substance need not be possessed as life is here. Yer, within this, we are here on this earth, a collective of forms as life, but the human has not realize this as the value, and is not taking care of itself as this organism allowing life expression.
A father of someone I know died recently, he did not have any one disease, all his organs started shutting down and any food passed through him, thus he basically starved. I read an article years ago that said all death is the body starving. Thus, within this system of mind made huge and the physical ignored, we all end up starving to death, some slow, some fast - within months of birth.
Some are effected by the system without, and all eventually by the system within as the quantum mind.
It is time to clean up the mind, to stop its dominance, and to stop this system of inequality, the mind manifest as a reflection of what man has allowed within as capitalism. Time to forgive the mind through the process of self forgiveness, and to care for all life on this planet through implementing an Equal Money System.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to find some pretty, happy, easy way to tell myself and others that their, and my, emotions and feelings are based on a value and thus a separation from what is actually here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear speaking up and saying/suggesting that emotions and feelings are a delineation of a value and this a separation from what is actually physically real here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that even when I allow myself to become angry, I am being the emotion of fearing a loss, of fearing the loss as being “compatible” with the person expressing an emotion or feeling, when the emotion/feeling is what is incompatible with what is actually here, as it is a more than or less than value and thus a judgement, where a “judgement” is not directive and supportive in allowing a full expression of life, which means life without disease, and war, without starvation, without non development of skills as what the very form of the human is capable of being and becoming.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the wrath of emotions and feelings being pointed out as what is that which stops self within and as a directive of supporting life and thus self as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become anxious, to “brace myself,” when having to speak up about how emotions and feelings are values of more than and less than, and thus judgements that are and as themselves what separates self from actually looking at what is here, where there is not need to become defensive, as there is nothing lost within a person choosing to hold onto their emotions and feelings as I am allowing myself to continue with separation if I accept and allow this and thus, herein will a loss exist in continuing such behaviors, where this then not need be done in fear, thus this need not be done in anger.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that any indication of righteousness within and as me, is this defense in and as fear of loss, and is myself no longer being directive within and as the principle of what is best for all.

I commit myself to breathing and no longer allowing emotions and feelings to create fear within and as me, within or without, to realize that emotions and feelings reflect the values I believe determine myself here, when in fact they do not, and are only indicators of myself in separation of here, of what actually exists.
I see, realize and understand that this present system feeds off of emotions and feelings, aggrandizing them, making them huge, and justifying them, as this is a means to allow unequal distribution and ownership of what is freely given on this earth, thus are emotions and feelings as compounded thoughts, where thoughts are ideas, belief and opinions placed/voiced/broadcast by those who capitalize from earth’s freely given resources, where even this idea, as the word, capitalism, has a touted emotional connotation of possibility to win, to capitalize, to gain - which allows the idea of existential loss as an ever present shadow of fear- all of which creates a drama in separation from what is actually here, enough to support life, to allow life to be what is expressed here on this earth.
I commit myself to breath, to remaining here, grounded on this earth, grounded to the physical as this is what supports myself here, thus this is what is real, and no emotion and feeling can take this away unless I accept and allow such.
I commit myself to bearthing myself here, and realizing that my thoughts, emotions and feelings are learned values, and accepted and allowed values as what i have been taught by those who came before me, thus i as life, am able to self realize myself as life, and stand and no longer accept emotions and feelings as something i must support within a role as the norm, but instead to realize them for what they are, a lack of understanding that all that is here, as this physical world is one and equal as life, and that within this, the present system is designed as what has been allowed within as the human, and thus is one and the same as it supports values of more than and less than instead of realizing the value is life, is being here, one and equal as life, where it is only here that one can see what is actually real, and thus it is only here, that one can interact with this formation of life.
I commit myself to speaking up about a basic/universal income grant and equal money system, as this realization of taking care of this world will allow the human some objective, to see, realize and understand the game of capitalism for what it is, a system of value of more than and less than - of gain and loss and thus creating a polarity of loss which most of the world experiences - that is separate from realizing the value is life.