Reading the patterns within me with hindsight Day 778

I remember patterns being recognized in my life, in terms of my behavior, over time, like a current moving through me.

One was that every month, the day or so before my period, I would lose my temper, and react to the slightest of movements in my world,  with a tempest of anger. I started to recognize this in my thirties. Once this happened, I could refine the movement of the pattern, meaning I slowly became more adept at recognizing it. I did get to the point where as it came up, I would stop it before it expressed itself in a harmful way, meaning before the tirade was leased onto someone in my world. This took time. Had I recognized such things earlier, they probably could have been addressed, and investigations into other areas where I was being the same, would have been more readily recognized. Interesting choice of words, ‘ readily’ as this means reading the patterns of my own expressions as how I move in this world, this physical world.

Another pattern is when I became sick. Meaning, it would most likely start with congested sinus and move down into my throat and into my chest, as though it had a sequence within how it moved through my body. I started to recognize this pattern too. I knew, roughly how long something would last, as I started to realize the ‘ stages’ of being of key, as being sick, in my body. 

This beings me to a realization I have had in walking the writing out of patterns of my own behavior, via the dialogues - the dia/god logues , or sequences, or patterns, of thought, as the constructs of belief, as words and pictures moving through my imagination. My imagination showing me the storied information, I composed within myself, to define myself, as direct myself, within and as me, as myself believing that I am separate from what is all around me, as the physical world, as including all that is here, as me. In walking the patterns of my story, or persona, as imaginations projected, I found a past movement that realized that same as that of which I speak. Meaning, I realized at some point in my childhood, that what I did, as how I behaved, could leave a residual ‘ resonance’ that followed me, that stayed with me, that ‘ staid’ me.  In one of the memories I brought up in writing myself out, I ran outside to sit under a tree, being aware that something was ‘ following me’ that was of ‘ shadow’ and that had a presence. I sat there under the tree, and was in frustration, and/or fear, and/or self realization, that I had created a residual imprint of my past actions/choices/movements.  AND, that this that I had been, had to MOVE THROUGH ME. Meaning, what i had chosen would move through my body. I understood in this moment, for a moment, that the information that I had stood as, as expressed, was going to move through my body. it is like a precursor, that I buried, of what would later become that reaction that was a pattern that was my own distemper within the cycle of my monthly periods. 

In process at the moment, patterns remain, some named, and yet residual, and though recognized to greater extent, as I begin to realize, as write out my patterns, some of these patterns I allow to determine what state of being I am accepting. Though smaller, and though more recognized, never less intense, yet more able to be defined with increasing clarity, just as I did with the pattern of behavior around having my period. Within this, just as memories of the past come forward, memories come forward where I realize that I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING! This means, as the very nature of myself, that the capacity to understand the forms of things and how they express and move, is right there, as me, which means that anyone can do this. 

When I want to resist, moving through this, as recognizing this, I am that which does not want to realize this, I am being that which hides the recognition of this, I am that which denies that nature than can realize the patterns as SEE FORM AND FUNCTION AND MOVEMENT AND EXPRESSION.  I am that self, within this, as my capacity, that is the stuff of and as the sensibility of myself as life, as the infamous “ eye of the needle.” That is a really cool realization. That is what and who we are, in our capacity. Everyone has this, and is this. No matter how deep or huge the wall of separation, as beliefs, ideas, opinions, in a false morality construct that ignores who and what we are as physical expressions of life, as what life would be. 

We all learn the same way, we place our presence into forms, as our bodies when we learned to walk and to talk and we sense that expression in all its dimensions, unless we construct a resonant set of value judgements, as a shield of separation from who and what we really are as life. This ‘ set of values, that I accept as embrace, is a false construct that is a math and that has no real longevity, and that ‘ moves through me’ is not myself in synch with being present and equal to the math of existence which is physical. I am not moving in synch with life. I have banked in on a false morality. And I/we know it. There is no excuse for my acceptance and allowance of and as this. None. Even within my memory, I could see that I understood that this was unacceptable. That presence as life, is in all of us, or we would not exist. 

When I first taught in a school, I remember working with this one student and moving to have her realize a form, as what I was required to impart to her, as a form of information.  I explained it, formed that form with words, one on one, with her. I remember looking at here and thinking, “ it is like she cannot take it in, or it is like she has no response- ability. Visible, she was looking right at me, and visibly she was wide-eyed and silent.  For a moment, I was there in the space looking at what was, within realizing my expectations were not what was actually happening. The movement in this child, was so slow, as for her to take in what i was saying, and to make a connection with her own experience, as her own beliefs as that same shadow world was there, caused what  have come to realize is called an interference theory.  Meaning, that her processing was very very slow. She was actually processing, which means she was ‘ learning’ yet it was at the speed of her own point of development, one that was slowed down by that which I experienced as the information that I allowed myself to be, as I ran to sit outside, next to a tree, realizing that I am created a shadow of information, that I was going to have to process because  I allowed it, and that I understood to not be in synch with that towards which I ran, as that physical tree. I was not generating in synch with life, and as an adult I was with a child, who was the same.  What is interesting here, is that parents cannot expect the schools to sort this out, as the parents are the one’s creating this, accepting this.  And, it is not the responsibility of the schools to do such, as they are, as they are in their current form, that same thing, as form perpetuating the separation.  

I find myself, once again, and yet of a different ‘ math’, ‘ composition,’  the sides of my mouth sinking down, as though I expect resistance to what I am attempting to explain. I realize that sometimes I say what needs to be said, yet I have an expectation that is not in accord with the separation, as I am not realizing the extent of the separation, as I could see and realize with this student, and with which I became overwhelmed, as there were too many layers of an emotional onion that was a wall that divided from being what was more effective, as I call it in the moment, becoming a real tree of understanding as the ability to reciprocate reality, as this living breathing, life in expression, physical reality. 

I believe I have to pay homage to the resonant separation, yet this in itself as a belief, is a distraction. All there is is to call this out by name, and it is a form, though seemingly invisible, it is here, right in front of me as the behaviors of the separation.  The power in calling things out by name, frames them into the physical living reality, which is a process of making them small and bringing forward the life that is here that is all around us. It is the process of bring life here, and managing a inflamed value system small, as down sizing a projection, or moving in a valley of smoke and mirrors, realizing the entities of separation are there, and yet do not define reality, and they only have the power we give to them, and that this reality is always right here, visible, breathing , moving, singing life. 

It is like experiences we have in watching sporting events. We realize a team is moving as a pattern, as the information practiced and hence programmed into them as a form of information.  The opposing team is getting the better of the patterned as informed team.  The informed team ( and I am using names to separate the too- because both are patterned) cannot get outside of its pattern. The viewer becomes more anymore agitated, as it recognizes that the ‘ patterned team ‘ is not seeing itself and moving into a new form, or mode.  Sometimes, a team will change up its pattern. They will change up the math of themselves and move forward in outwitting the opposing team. These moments we find exciting. Yet, this overall experience reveals ourselves to ourselves.   And, even allowing this entertainment, is revelatory of how much we live vicariously through others because we fear facing this same thing within ourselves. It is visible, in every move we make.  Thus, for parents, because we are so able to read the space of here, and we mirror that space of here, as our parents, any processing dis-orders in the child are YOU.  And yes, I see it in my own children. No reactions, as the same as I was being once a month , just before my period, are going to be what is the necessary change, to become like that sport team that manages to sense its own patterns, as reading the movements of the teams, the players, the space and design of the field as a platform, and collectively changing the very form of what is being the information driving the movements. Paying someone to help the child realize that, in a system that is a structure as a consequence of not being self responsible, is very very very expensive. Not realizing this, wanting it to go away, is also very very very expensive. Ignorance is not bliss. Hope without action is meaningless.  Faith without command is pointless. Respect for all things lends the grace of effective expression, like a mastery of a skill set.  Wanting it to magically happen is illusion, where the magic is always in the doing. And yet, this overall is very self empowering! 

One must rebuild. It means deconstruction and reconstruction. It means recognizing one’s accepted and allowed limited value system, as false morality. That one we protect, manifest as reacting to what one believes is a threat to one’s self definition, as my reactions are a protection of my false construct, towards which I imagine all manner of doom and gloom scenarios, in fear of being discovered for being less than who I really am. My reactions are the flight and fight mode, a form of resistance to myself, and as such self hate is one gets out of one's projection and makes the choice to stand here, in this living reality, that is physical. I react to threats of my limited value system as being a threat of death, so deep is my own accepted and allowed de-ception of reality. 

I am here. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understood my own deception against myself as life.

When and as I find myself becoming confused, anxious, tired, resistant, I see realize and understand that I am here, and that I am responsible for what I allow within and as myself, and as such, I slow myself down and I breath, and I forgive my separation from life, and I stand here, practicing realizing who and what I am as life here, to move equal and one with and as the physical that is me, here. 

Day 415 The within is separate from the without. A Paranoise of the Unknown

If I allow the emotional/feeling body to become the directive, a game of matching the parts selected as self definition to substantiate ones global positioning system of limited values in totality, this that separates the use of self as a natural sensor, a natural learning ability, to realize the geometrical design of the physical reality, where instead of being here, I/we have constructed a limited value system based on cultural pasts and present systemic design on inequality, to survive. This is what becomes the concrete mind, so to speak, at seven, where we slow down and begin to direct ourselves based on a limited value system that is not, as parts, good or bad, but still, limited and in separation from sensing here, physical reality. This construct is a disconnect from our natural sense as life, our natural reader of physical form and design without judgement, as with practicality, and abdicate ourselves into directives to survive within a system that has been built from each of us having chosen a limited picture as mind as being more than reality. We have created false idols as ideas and judgements as one thing being more than another, and warped them into something to emulate and follow, instead of remaining equal and one to physical manifestation. We are, all of us, in essence walking judgements, we are de-manned, we are demons, abusing physical reality because we believe we are more than this that builds what we construct into ideological states of being, when the real state of being is here, one and equal to and as physical reality.

Thus, when our emotional/feeling states to not find a match, we have a hard time communicating. and this varies by degree in all manner of ways, creating all the misinformation touted by media, that causes so much abuse on earth, that creates so much lack, so much devastation. Our greed is us in a state of separation from practical physical reality. The only way back to life is to equalize with the physical, the bring back into alignment with what is real, what is so varied, so abundant, so giving, so clear geometrically, as this actual physical world.  Our emotional/feeling bodies are the accumulation of our separation, and they drain the physical as self, to maintain the illusion of limited value, and thus we age, become a “ wick” of our formal selves as life, because we did not use ourselves as life, we used an alternate reality created as mind, as consciousness, of limited selected values to define, an entity projected that sucks in what built this, as our natural learning ability, our common sense, our substance as life, our forgiving selves. We in essence rejected life for value judgements. And we were told not to do this. We were told to give as we receive, which is giving as ourselves as what we are as life, this that builds the ideological self.

Some may say, I have not done this, were this true than you would have become as Bernard Poolman, and realized that there is no choice but to clean all of this up. And since you did not become this, you are not equal and one to and as you as life, this substance that built the personification that consumes the flesh that supports you as life, the gift to realize and become equal and one to and as life. So, within the gamut of variation by degree, with all possible ways and means of measure, the development of men is within a very limited gamut of expression as life as what is possible for mankind to be and become. Within this, there can be no gurus, because the only choice is to allow each and everything here to be and become itself as life, as this is how the universe becomes a verse of life, each part functioning in its full potential, which is a capacity to understand the very essence and substance of what we all are which is life. Everything can develop an awareness as being self directive as the substance of life, here, as sensing life as life. This self that is there under the construct of limited values that is self in constant measure of good and bad, as we accepted and allowed instead of the tree of live the belief that choosing good and bad, was a choice, when it in totality was the choice of separation. Thus we move as good and bad, a constant measure of right and wrong, balancing our selves via values judgement, instead of physical reality exhibiting form and function, we rejected the structure of life, of the physical for an imposed structure of lack. If we continue to blindly accept the present system, we are the abusers of what abuse exists on this world. What must be done is to look at the abuse that exists and no longer accept it, because the acceptance of what is abusive, is a rejection of life. 

I can see where my own constructed value system I allow myself to focus as, makes communication here with physical reality so difficult, because I cannot move, as my concrete mind values system consumes me, and I have no space to be here, to move with physical reality in constructive ways. And I become frustrated when my value system is not matched, or I remain within a limited social strata, limiting myself as life, never really living because I am so busy projecting I am not here. Them I blame that which is without, outside of me for not matching me, for not being equal to my inequality. I spite what does not meet my standards as my concrete mind, built in the first seven years of life by parents of same background, of same system of separation. All of this varying by degree and measure, some more capable than others or so it appears in youth, but in time the accumulation of limited values unequal to life substance dissipate the physical body, and thus we die from our mirage not having anything to burn anymore, and our lives are lived as projections instead of as life. And all the while the truth was right in front of us, our natural sensibility as life, is there under the voices of separation as thoughts touted again and again and again building and constructing our personalities, our characters in thought, word and deed, as what we have placed/selected within, of limited design, instead of becoming equal and one, respecting the physical, a life giving gift to equalize and realize the value of life, the expression of life.

Our stories are our separations, our system is our separation manifest. And as we die a wick consumed, so will this earth. It is time to realize ourselves as life, to stand equal and one in respect for this physical world, and bring a system that supports all life, to create a system that in design and structure gives as we receive from this earth, the physical support to be an expression of life. We need to bring our minds back down to earth, to realize the mind is dependent on earth, and simply takes a picture of life, it is not the thing to make idol, it is a false idol, what is real is physical reality. Thus, to allow any child to be sexually abused, any one on earth, is a crime against life, to allow any animal to be confined in a cage is a crime against life, to dis-allow development of full potential is a crime against life. To allow any politician to vote in self interest is a crime against life. To allow a system of usury is a crime against life. To allow monoculture is a crime against life. We are walking zombies of ideology before life. We are our own self created bubbles supporting this system of inequality, we are the people in the bubbles as shown in the matrix movie. We, humans are in separation from life, we are the abusers, we are demons.

Our emotions and feelings are our separations. our thoughts are the builders of this separation.

We accepted and allowed this, and we can stop. This appears hard to begin with, and it is a process, one I continue to walk, I mean , it took seven years to build this, so it is going to take time to deconstruct this. The tools are given by a man who walked this for all, and in the end he may never be remembered, nor any of us, but this does not matter, as what matters is that this mis-take is corrected, that we clean this separation and abuse up. To begin this would not be as difficult as we have been indoctrinated to believe, and as our constructs as mind would appear, it simply takes a steady and slow awareness of what we are behaving as in every breath we take. We can forgive our stories and realign them in common sense through voicing them through self forgiveness until they are no longer so huge, and thus with self corrective writing create a construct/structure that enables us to see here, to focus here, to once again begin to move here. It really is much lighter than carrying around an emotional/feeling body and incessant dialogue in and as the mind. When we exist as mind we are out of balance with life, and we visibly shake, like a vibrato, as we allow ourselves to exist within polarities of comparison, always measuring what is good and bad according to our limited value system, this inequality to here creates instability. If we slow down enough we begin to see this. Energy is heavier than sound/equality/life substance and yet less dense that physical reality.

Meanwhile, I have been walking around, understanding that something is out of whack so to speak- but not being able to pin point it, and even having said this, I realize that I have been so wanting to explain this that I create more ideas and run into friction and conflict as I face humans in separation protecting and defending their ideological selves, running into conflict as I do not match their emotional/feeling bodies as what they believe themselves to be in totality. It is like we are constantly running to validate our emotional/feeling bodies as built up ideas, instead of being at ease here, like real “ singing” here. In all this must be done, equalizing ourselves here.

Practically, this means changing the present system, to one that supports all life, equally. A living Income Guarantee is to allow the values created from limited resources, that will prove to be enough to support our physical selves to become the gift of full potential life expression,  as money, to be distributed to support each of us, eliminating so much behavior of frustration because of lack, and eliminating a huge bureaucracy that is  like a damn, but also stagnating the expression of those locked in a cage of pushing papers ( another form of waste). There are transport system that can certainly move what is needed to areas devastated by design to allow land grab ( as those indigenous peoples have lived there for eons and survived - why are they suddenly in starvation?)  for a destructive monoculture that moves principle value to a few, leaving the liability with the many ( and we are liable because we have accepted and allowed it through abdication as life- believing that representatives would chose what is best within a system of usury!), thus we can blame no one, and there is no time for blame because if we don’t get this earth in order, we will suffer the consequences of the abuse we have accepted and allowed, and ignorance of what is happening on this earth is no excuse.. This will also end the bully of war, which is another form of greed and unacceptable. Even if we ended the war/grab machine, there is enough to support life. There is no excuse for any of this. Time to become equal and one, responsible as life, in common sense, it is right here in front of us, we need only stand and begin the journey to life. 

Watch out for the shifting dimensions of knowledge and information presented that are misinformation. where, everything must be questioned.  The full story must be told. Just look at Fukushima, this is a disaster that is being hidden which is unacceptable,  because it damages the animals on this planet, where this being hidden is said to supposedly not cause havoc with the people, but in effect it is to protect profit before life. When disasters strike, people do stand up, but if they are hidden how can we stand up? Thus the main interest in hiding is to ensure profits, a crime against life. The same is done with massive starvation in Africa, there is no excuse why planes and support are not immediately sent, there is no excuse why bureaucracies say they have to have the “ right paper work” in order, this is a smoke screen of bullshit, which the leaders up the ladder are using as justification, where at the end of the story some peon is blamed, and supposedly justice has been served. An illusion, as that plane and that grain, of which there is more than enough, can reach those in need. What is in the way is the fear of loss of profit, I want my money first. Criminal. Thus, money must be used to support all life as no one hand has created that value. No man is an island. 

 Time to get this world in order, as it is an order of life, what has been is a rejection of this order, a rejection of structure. And we wonder why our children are so reactive, they simply have been denied a structure, this which they crave as their natural learning ability senses but is warped into a character that is misinformed  through limited perspective/dimension only, in the interest of eliminating competition to maintain an idea that one thing is more than another where ideas are made a god as a more than as mind, as consciousness the signifier of our separation leading to a lack of equality as the within with the without as what is of same substance that is in total the formation of life. Let’s birth life into the physical, there is no other choice.

Living Income Guarantee