as- KING Day 783

In working with children, I realize how much that absorbent ability, as the child, does not have boundaries. Meaning that absorbent ability takes in what is around it, and becomes it. There is no separation. Yet, this is and what would be the very nature of our natural absorbent ability! We learn to define the qualities we absorb over time and define ourselves as that, when that is really a process of clarifying what we are seeing and what we are being, as a expression in a relationship. I say relationship because I am here, on a physical planet, moving in a relationship with all that is here, composing an expression as the whole as the physical as this earth, as creation. 

I can get caught up in my review of the reflection of what I have taken in as a value within the process of defining who and what I am as a physical form on a physical planet. I can forget what iI am and take the resonant ‘ copy’ as what I absorbed as a form, and make that larger than life. Then I become a con-sciouness of separation.  Amazing how our schools are this manifest, showing ourselves to ourselves as how we are allowing informing as separation from the practical reality. And we do this with words, mis-using sound, to create more and accumulating consciousness’s of separation. An instored/in-spired/in- layered/in-storied set body of information. Can we ask ourselves why we can’t remember what we did last year? If we are following a resonant construct of limited - information,  as a set body of information, how can we be present realizing the reality around us, in ways that do not cause conflict with the physical reality? Our actions do not fit into that reality, the one we absorbed that created a picture that then, through allowance, became larger than life!  

This begs the question, as as-KING, as self reflection with regard for what and who we are as physical beings on a physical PLAN-it,  where there is a at-most-fear,  why such a thing as shaking within ourselves exists? Is it possible that the sha- KING is countering a set body of resonant information? One moves against acceptances and allowances, as a resonant construction, when one QUEST- ions with as-KING ? Meaning, when one reviews one’s reality outside of that set body of resonant belief, as limited information, where one no longer is using that natural absorbent ability that can have no boundaries, as the process of understanding this reality, that is a natural action and is how we expand and realize who and what we are here? 

Within me, I can, in this moment, sense a righteousness. Meaning, my manner of wondering why we cannot see this, is in itself colored as being righteous. As always a truth is present, yet when made larger that life, it can lead to righteousness. Which is doing the same as what I speak of, making something larger than the practical. 

I can realize how stagnant I am from my own acceptance and separation from processing what is here, from reading what is here. In so many ways, it really is to get my processing speeds moving, meaning to realize what I am allowing as what I have absorbed without principle, and at the same time, reconnecting to having a real relationship with the physical reality around me. It is to become a master of who and what I am, to ground myself in this reality, a physical reality here.

That righteousness is a form of wanting to fix things, as rebalance things. It is wanting to have things move suddenly, which is an expectation. Then, that expectation is not lived out, and a reassessment takes place, which is a process. Yet, being present in this reality, within the realization of the principle of life, as being as doing no harm, is not yet lived with that natural absorbent ability in every moment, as this is the only real choice. In this, there is realizing in every moment, wth every breath, that there are no problems and only solutions.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not recognize moving into righteousness, as the colors, as the hyperbolized value judgements, rushing within me,  as an accepted and allowed practice of and as a false morality, that when and as I move against my own acceptances and allowances, I begin to shake, revealing my acceptances and allowances to myself, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move as an idea, as an expectation , instead of slowing down and breathing, cross referencing here, assessing here, investigating here, to listen to here, to as-KING here, to ensure a stable and steady balance, within regarding and respecting all things, as who and what I am here, as life, that is physical in manifestation as creation, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to slow down and realize, see, and understand every movement within and as me, as a intellectual set body of information, believed to make me superior, as a more, within a survival game, not realizing how I work as life, and rushing to win, to conquer, when I am here, inherently able to absorb the form and movement as expression of what is here as the physical, to become aware of, as myself, to define me, within relationships of all that is here,  and the balance of and as what does no harm, taking that which is good, leading to a living breathing, changing, expression of life in FORMation here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move, to self direct as a set body of information, from and as a consciousness of separation instead of  moving from the heart of me, as life. 

When and as I find myself moving into conflict as resistance,/rejection/reaction, I stop and I breath, and I embrace with as-KING  to ground myself here, to assess and investigate, to balance and realize  the practical in the moment, the simple ordinary, the hum --bell expression within realizing a principle of recognizing and respecting living reality as the expression of life, composed of relationships of and as working/breathing/living in harmonious balance, that moves with ease, as there is no rush, there is here, where the value is being life. 

Progressive separation Day 776

A sense of rushing, where rushing is racing towards something. Rushing to where, for what, when I am here. Why would there be any where but here? Then one becomes tired of the rushing, rush -hing rustle hinge, What is the sound, how colored is this sound with hindrance’s of my own acceptance and allowance, interference with direct seeing. 

Am I  by nature someone who rushes? or do I by nature process? remaining here? Sound creates things, some eternal, some by nature lacking in longevity. This must be tangible, just as a tree is tangible, yet of form, present. 

It is within and as presence, as in placing myself into a sense of realizing the whole, as the physical around me, without effort, or drive, as a form of projection, that I can hear, that I can listen, as list, the colored movings and undulations of value judgements that have no real focus here- as presence of the physical.  What is a piece of music after all? And what does it really mean to know a piece of music so well one can, like a hologram, see the whole in each part. if one hears one tiny part, one recognizes the piece. I have had this happen with songs I have performed, as a tiny part coming forward on a radio- for example. Practical. We are the means to absorb, as that is the means to learn, to understand. What is the proverbial “ eye of the needle.’? It is all practical after all. 

This appears novel, because for so long my habit has been to move in protection and defense, with imaginations of doom and gloom,  within a belief that I must survive that what is missed is in plain sight  as the physical here. That sound warping as fear can invert one’s focus. Again, practical. 

I have to breath in the form and shape of the physical, as a thing, of space and form, around me, realize my ideas about it, self projected and what it is that I have allowed to define me, that has protected what is natural, which is to be present here.  In a way, at this point it is to realize I can realize this reality as forms and movements, as shapes and things, just as I do within my own accepted lack of presence, into energy, a personification of limited values creating a glitch from reality that places me into a bubble of separation where a busy work of comparison based on ideas, is a mis-use of and as who and what I am, as the living word and respectful word of  and towards creation, it is indeed, a balance. My lower back and the physical hyper imposed tensions, show me where I disconnect from reality, as reality being the inclusion of all things presence and separated - yet still here. Still means visible. 

If I look at every person, each is unique, when I am in a situation with other people, or even animals. I recognize this, as do we all. I also realize I can focus on the cultural manners- those things that I call out, defining a person, as their names, their manners, the way they dress etc. I can focus on that ONLY, and avoid looking at what is unique about them. I have to ask myself if focusing on what is unique causes me to move into fear. It would do such, as what is unique does not follow the limited patterns of cultural definitions, as rituals based  on‘ ancient’ environmental practices as ordering of this reality. It is easier to ONLY look at the accepted and allowed divisions, instead of realizing the uniqueness in all things, as that which is unique demands more definition, which means I must realize my own ignorance of all things, as this reality.

I would have to realize that there are 22,000 children dying each day. Which means I would have to question the very order of the world around me, as all the roles composing the order of this world in regard to whether that order was doing everything possible to realize its own order in relation to cause and effect on the greater stage of this physical reality. This would mean looking here, being present in everything around us, which would mean expanding one’s awareness to more than one’s self interest. It would mean ending the game of blame and spite, emitting from the self. It would mean calling this out, and asking someone, for example, ‘ What if this were you, as you are of the same stuff, physically, as all the rest on this planet.” 

How was such ignorance accepted and allowed? 

It was created by the self.  It was allowed by the self, and it is the means of a narrow focus, into a lesser state of being, called polarizing matter ( which validates matter as what is real) , a divided focus into not being who and what one is, as living self responsibility in common sense of practical living reality. 

Within this, what I can practice, is to be here, to hear, to listen, to speak up. To use who and what I am to hear without fear of calling things out by name. When things are called out by name, they are made real-eized for what they are, and reality comes rushing forward, in balance. Thus, the power of living words, is to call things by name, and inflate a metaphysical construct of techno-colored inflamed value judgments that are missing a focus in this practical physical reality. 

We cannot know a tiger in a zoo. We all know this. Therefor, to substantiate what is real, we have to LOOK at the physical and stop being zombies walking around in bubbles of value judgements. The media, only reflects what we are allowing within ourselves. 

The battle to inform who and what we are. It only has the power we give it.

The pressure of thin-king on the heart Day 774

What does it mean to stand as a word that is grounded and aware of itself, in relation to considering all things?

How does on have  a command as a faith in who and what one is as a starting point as what is constant and here, in all ways?

At present, I feel like I am perpetually on the verge of getting sick. As though there is a war within me, where I move into fear, as a belief that things are impossible, and yet, sense that going there is not the place to go. I look at what I am allowing and remember the practical, having more of a command in who and what I am, as a respect of the practical as a real relationship and respect of the physical being real faith.

Somehow, bringing segmented things here, as parts of realization within the patterns of forms around me, is a way to make what is seemingly metaphysical more a reality of and as how the physical works, and how separation into ego is reflected in the segments of processes and things around me. It is like bringing a story here, and making it practical and obvious, making it acceptable.

It is making what is ignored big and making the means of ignorance small. A kind of reversal, a reversing.  And it means remaining steady within this.

It is changing the image of perception, reducing what is inflamed, and deflating it, via bringing segments of recognition together as creating a ordinariness as a sequence of steps that show the illusion of conscious projections resisting the practical, and how an absence of realizing the practical is the problem that reveals the solution.

I am , in real time, procrastinating within and as my annual spring task of washing all the windows of my house. It is a simple thing. It takes a persistence as a measure that is annual, nothing more , nothing less. And yet, I find myself hesitating. In some ways this is happening in my world at the moment. 

It is a reflection as a hesitation of being and living and moving as the process of de-segmenting what is fractionalized that is the hyperbolized values that must be segmented into a practice that grounds in being focused in this reality- seeing with clear eyes, how a separation consciousness is something that can be grounded into actions and expressions that realize an intimacy that is self empowering in creating real and effective awareness of and as self direction that is sustainable and constant. 

To use parables, the residual dust on my windows, need not be made larger than life, just as I self realize the segments of recognition need not be made as separate as they may seem, as they can be brought together to make the imaginary less a separation from the practical and more in-line with an awareness of what it means to create stable and present focus on what is real, as this physical reality.  

It is really a matter of remaining in the practical, recognizing my own projections into value judgements. What appears to easy and so habituated to move into, is a separation from the practical consciousness that only the self, as me, accepted and allowed, and not what is here and what I would really want, as the tension as the focus onto a form of blame, that is myself hating myself for not having remained within who and what I am as life, which is realizing the substance of life, that is me, that is all around me here. 

That spin, of limited values - it is like it creates this vortex of and as another plain of existence, that is an inversion of myself away from being here, being present. It is, also, that I realize when I am doing this. We all realize we are doing this. Meanwhile what is real is right here, to be discovered as being equal to what creates, here.

Somehow, this all moves around as the heart, which would fit within what we have been told, as to realize what when we are present here, taking in what is here, without judgement, and with realizing presence in form and function, and resolving it, as being living solutions that move in ways that allow no harm, as taking what is good and transforming it into a change that is best for all. It is like there is an author as a dictate, pressing down from my mind, composed of a limited morality that is built of polarized values, instead of giving as I would receive, which is what is best for myself. Reminds me of hearing a really clear performance, where the presence in the notes as the space was so ‘ fulfilled’ that every relationship as connection was solid, making a sound that was really clear and tight- as I wold say it. And, with no ‘ manner’ attached. I have probably heard that once in my life - to that degree anyway! 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move into resistance, to move into not seeing realizing and understanding that resistance is rejection, is denial, is protection and self defense, within and as an idea of a loss as who and what I have allowed myself to be in separation from the reality of who and what I am which is physical, as the physical is what withstands the test of time, and what is therefor creation manifest, in expression of and as life. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that that which is desired to be owned, done with slight-of-hand as paper castles of legal manpulations, that mirror the same as what I have accepted and allowed within in and as me, and which reveal that what is moved to grab as physical resources, makes plain that what is real is the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not look here, to not realize the depth of the dearth of my own accepted and allowed rejection of myself as life here, and the degree of separation into polarized values as judgements as dogma as belief, creating imaginations metaphysical, and the implications thereof that have caused harm towards life, must be reversed with awareness and practical application as that which respects all things here, to birth life on earth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not take back the joy of being life, meaning to be present in consideration of all things here, and to within this practice recognizing my own cognitive dissonance - self accepted and created- as I was the child that was not born with religion and political dogma, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how much the very movements of and as me, reveal to me, my own ignorance of this reality.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to stand one and equal to what is in plain sight, and what is the means of life as the physical here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to become in recognition of the movements within and as me, as tension and conflict, confusion and fear, to see realize and under this stand as myself moving in self interest, instead of remaining grounded within and as the fullness of life all around me that is physical and present and always in plain sight here.

When and as I find myself tensing up, within and as me, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I see realize and cross reference, in practical step by step application to realize the beliefs, ideas, and opinions as thought, pushing down on my heart, where I create a kind of vortex, of blame and spite, protection and defense, in fear of punishment as a belief in survival, to reverse this, through self forgiveness and practical application of and as real focus on what is here, as the physical.

When and as I find myself tensing up, as pressure of and as thoughts, onto my chest area, leading to and manifest as the down turning of the sides of my mouth, I stop, I breath, I assess, as investigate what I am accepting and allowing within and as me, to reform, to focus here, and reverse, as verse, within and as me as a focus, with practical applications, what is best for all, as this is what is best for life.

When and as I find myself tensing up, as creating an entity of separation, a fragment of reality, as a value judgement, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I ground myself in calm, to asses, in breath to realize in practice a con-science of and as the tech of who and what I am, an awareness of all things, to realize what is a movement of and as what is best for all, to listen to the physical, here.

When and as I find myself looking within and as me, as the ideas, beliefs and opinions I have allowed to habituate within and as me as an imagined dogma, creating by design a limitation, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand the practice of presence in this reality, as respecting all things, opening my heart to here, to become steady in expressing myself as life, as who and what I am here.

LOOKING at anger Day 771

LOOKING at anger.

Fear can be so blinding. one cannot see the forest through the trees. As one is so focused on the lack, as the fear, which is a loss of presence and what is natural as common sense. 

Fear is not being in solution. It is being in projection.

I cannot focus on the ‘ what if’s” or the ‘ worst case scenario, AND realize solutions as the fear an enlarge a possible outcome, especially if I am holding onto a fear of punishment from making a mistake.  If I focus on an idea that I am not enough, based on the shame of having accepted a fear of a loss, having also rushed to experience something based on an idea,  that is not of an awareness and cross reference of who and what I am, here, in this form, as this physical life,  I become angry at myself for my absence of presence in who and what I really am. My anger is always self hate, as finding solutions means looking here, and looking here is of and as a silence as I become like water and simply understand something, which has no resistance and no rejection and is reading what is here, this a process that starts from a point of nothingness, as all attention is on listening to what simply is. 

My dis-ease can only be a consequence of a lack of presence, that is an involvement in a focus on sorting something out and hiding that sorting of something out, based on a moment of comparison done in competition in an idea of a more. I say idea, because I am the same building blocks of creation as what is here, as the physical, that is all around me and me. 

Thus, anger is not enough of being in FORM of who and what I am, in respect, of here.  Look around, HERE IS PHYSICAL. 

It is time to become a tree of life, one that is capable of bearing fruit of sustainability. It is time to step out of a singular toxic onion of layers of value judgements composing a projected personality that has no real grounding in life because those layers create a head trip instead of a life trip. . Life is physical, it is right here. 

Day 747 My own structural resonance and emotional firewalls.

My own structural resonance and emotional firewalls.

I recently interacted with what I saw as a very large emotional firewall. I have had enough experience in my life that I realize in moments that it was not so much what I said, but more in how I said what I said. What I mean by this, is that there have been situations where I called something out by name with a calm, with an intent of making something clear more than some gain for myself. When I did this, I noticed I was more effective in my communication. 

Conversely, there have been similar situations where I spoke up and called something by name, but my starting point was more colored with a desire, or a self interest motivated of and as fear.  In these situations I had to face the consequences, because that color , or desire, or emotion was still present, it would either be sorted or allowed to accumulate further, as to allow such, was to not address what had within the law of compounding remained, as it had not been balanced out. This is within the math of what one resists persists. 

I also notice that I tend to be very hard on myself, thereby creating my own emotional firewall of self doubt and self blame, leading to a sense of self unworthiness. Then within me, anger grows and I begin to become frustrated and lash out, creating that which focused more on a lack, instead of remaining calm and balancing, or sorting myself out, realizing a mistake as a means to learn a more correct balance, leading to a consequence of more effective communication. Emotional ‘ firewalls’ are an imbalanced resonant inner structure, one of denial of self wholeness, or being focused in awareness of all things, as all things are self in another life because the substance is the same in all of us. When becoming emotional, instead of looking within myself, and resolving the math of me, as polarized and warped values, I notice I start to blame and spite objects around me as the default - often moving into using label - when it is myself who is not focused and in respect of life, calling things by what they are in their physical relationship. 

Within this, I realize that I continue to have some fear of this, within myself and facing this within others, facing that storm of imbalance,  an emotional firewall, as a way for me to call this by name and begin to sort this out within the point that I am at in the moment, here.   I must realize to a greater degree that this is a process, one that is concomitant, meaning that balancing things out will have moments of mis-take.What is always right there, within and as me, as that ability to speak within calling things by name with that more clear voice that can be heard through imbalances as emotional and feeling energies. I have experienced the difference in my life in moments, thus this can be done, so to not be too hard on myself.  I realize that we are all capable of this.

Also, we cannot know what we do not know. Because of this, we cannot move past our inner conceptual indexing. Meaning, we cannot move beyond the level of our learning balance scale. Yet, we can practice referencing the practical, knowing the score of reality, respecting it and building a more direct relationship to/and towards it. This ability to reference reality, is more natural, and it is what children naturally are able to do, this which is somehow lost. Our children are a product of the math of their environment. And this starts in the womb.  They absorb the colored  state of conceptual lack  as the very signature of emotional firewalls, as mis-informed constructs of information, causing a distraction if not sorted out, slowing down a natural ability to realize the magic is in the physical doing. If we look at our society today, there is so little opportunity to actually do things, most exposure is through media and/or from memorizing information- this a direct disconnect from reality, by design. Even early books on education realized the need to  build relationships to reality. In this I am personally glad that President Trump is formulating apprenticeships as an alternative to high school, for example, because we as a society have lost a connection to living relationships in the learning process. Even such a situation can be manipulated, thus there is the need to understand overall, how we are formed, and to recognize emotional ‘ paranormal’ firewalls, because this is what such is. It is also necessary to meet a person where they are at, within, and to move froward from that point, as physical relationship building can accelerate learning. Also, through practical living applications - which is to say, one must bring the children back into building direct relationships to reality- this being done through words having a direct relationship to reality without the clutter of pictures. One must forgive the inflammatory polarized values of self interest, often visible as manipulation in space and time, and realize the only choice is to consider all things, and take what is good and does no harm. War is conflict, and it is used for profit, it is an emotional firewall on a grand scale, a form of manipulation that is conceptually separate from the living reality around us. War is a reflection of what each is within themselves, and the system is actually a protection for a lack of self responsibility in each individual.  It is a loss of insight into the absolute purpose of life, that absolute purpose being the living nature of taking what is good and does no harm. This is being/moving in harmony.  When two minds meet that understand a level of mastery that is so balanced and expansive, few words are needed, as just being in the presence of such, and recognizing it, is such a state of joy there is no expression that can be that, as that state is both fecund and silent. One could say it is the meeting of a level of inner structure that realizes we create who and what we are. 

Day 687 What rings into eternity? Equality and oneness. It is a physical life.

I have noticed in talking with people, that there are these moments when a thin film comes towards me, like a wisp. And then I noticed when I do this myself, as this is like a separation from being grounded here in this physical world, a much more stable state of being. This stability a point of being in tune, and what is in tune can withstand, it is like it rings into eternity.

I also notice how much I constrict within myself physically, how the muscles constrict. It is like I scrunch myself within myself and tense up and force something out of me. 

Looking over a mind construct I wrote out with all the back chat of beliefs, ideas and opinions I have accepted and allowed, I realize how much I react in blame, projecting ideas about things outward , like a ghost in the machine. Lol, it is like I am running a picture show about reality in separation from myself as a physical being on a physical planet. 

This has not happened a lot, yet it has happened enough where I say to myself: what was that! 

In relation to myself, I realize how much I am doing this. And the reflection I see from having written out the dialogue within composed of polarized values of right and wrong, a morality in relation to survival instead of respect for all life, where the physical is included, and then realized as being what is real. 

Most of the back chat is blame, for me, a form of protection and defense from doom and gloom scenarios, as potential losses in the order of survival. I mean, I can be sitting and suddenly I notice that I am imagining the worst case scenario. I have to stop, breath, slow down, and realize that this is not myself being present here, realizing the math of the physical, the real form of the physical. I realize that I accepted and allowed the seeding of my own demise. Only I can sort this out. And, what is really cool is that this can be sorted out, walked through and realized for the separation that it is, taken apart, forgiven and reformed, corrected into a script that grounds me into who and what I really am, a physical design on a physical world. I am here.

At this point, as a perspective from this moment, what I realize the most is how much I fear being practical. This means looking here, slowing way down and looking here, gathering information in respect of the practice of physical beingness.  This tends to create less fear of speaking up, as what respects the physical and calls what is here by name,  when voiced without fear, without expectations of resistance or reaction, can stand.  It is using our greatest strength to focus on the very fabric of the physical as being the starting point of reality, which is an ability to assess and investigate that which is sound as that which is best for all.

In all, I have been so occupied within protection and defense based on a fear of really looking and speaking up about what is here, through my own allowances, that I have forgotten to use my greatest strength to remain present in the richness of life, that is the physical world around me that is me, here. 

I have forgotten to feel, to live, to be an expression of life, to be present, to breath, to accept and be thankful for the richness of this physical fabric that is the means of life in expression, in formation.

It is at this point that I enter a sense of great sadness about the loss of someone close to me. I enter a ‘ what if” situation in and as realizing that were I in equilibrium with myself as life, could I have changed the outcome. Perhaps, yet this moment is not here, so I cannot say. And even this must be forgiven, as the solution is to stand and take back the life that is me, to enjoy being life, which is physical in form. 

Also, this event was within my immediate environment. Meaning, this is only in relation to myself, as there are so many who suffered a similar fate with whom I had no relationship, and yet suffered based on the choices that I made without consideration for all things. Hence, to make the situation I was in bigger than situations distant from me, yet  influenced by the choices I accepted and allowed in the products I chose, for example, or the lack of question about the economic constructs allowed on this earth that do not pay for the labor of others and cause suffering through extreme lack of access to physical support. Hence, the emotion of shame and guilt that I allow, though having some valid aspects is really in self interest. 

It stems from a fear of being forced away from something, as the best way to describe it here. Like being, or choosing a non-feeling state of being. And by feeling I mean, no longer being within the richness that is real life. What is rich is what is equal and one in measure, in a relationship to reality, which is physical, so visible and right here. That means that a feral child uses to smell like a wolf, or that means that a child uses when growing up in a household where music is constant. It is that this absorbent ability is diverted to a lesser form, one that is in separation from respect for what we are as a starting point , which is physical reality.

I realize that I accepted and allowed so many personal dis-orders, called personality disorders, built of beliefs and ideas, and opinions in a morality of survival before life. This life being the real morality. The physical being the real story. The hierarchy system that men have accepted and allowed for eons, the separation and the cause of conflict with life that is the current consequence of disease and discord on earth at present.

I notice that the moment i move into any kind of blame, I create a whispy entity within and as me, one of bitterness that is not myself being solution, as the only way to and towards life is to become the solution in every breath, to be present here, standing within and as what is best for all, as what respects the physical world, choosing what does no harm to any living thing here. This means to give as I would receive, to make the choice to speak up about what has been accepted and allowed, as what ignores the practical, and as what is the means to equality.  

This means to stand in equilibrium with the physical, to become a body in equilibrium with life, which is physical and always right here in front of me. No one can take that away, but myself. The rest, is illusion, that unfortunately is causing consequences on earth that no one would want for themselves.

Day 684 Continuation of the Caregiver Archetype. Day 2.

In relation to the caregiver archetype, I have had pressure on the back of my neck for some time. Also, there appears to be some pressure behind my eyes. When I would go and look at the pressure behind my eyes, I would experience thoughts about my sisters. It was that my sisters and I all look the same, especially around our eyes. 

I had also realized that this had to do with worry about others. And it is a character I have even discussed with one of my sisters. It is that ‘ my mother always must have something to worry about’  One day, within this I noticed a heaviness coming from the bottom of the eye down into the check, and this was sadness, much like the clown pictures where the eyes are painted to look sad. I define this ‘ presence’ as the weight of the world, as though it is all sad. This sadness is creating a definition about the world without having any real details. Behind sadness is a giving up about the world, where the self believes that no change can happen, and/or myself is good because myself tried, so it is not myself’s fault. This is turning a negative into a good, where I, as this self in this situation, define myself as good.  I become a belief that I was/am responsible. Yet this is a polarized and charged belief. It is not the practice of solution, it is the practice of justification.

It is like, or is, that I move as a body of knowledge and information as ideas, beliefs and opinions instead of being practical and looking at the details of the physical. To remember here, that if the adults in the world around us are moving as knowledge and information, and as absorbent beings, we take this in and practice it day in and day out, in our formative years, then we become this, and mis-take reality through a lack of practice in attention to the details of what is the means of this knowledge and information memory that develops by default of not practicing becoming aware of the physical world around us as who and what we really are as the starting point.

I look back in my immediate past and one question I had asked myself is how to develop community, as in how to develop relationships where I never had to lie, as not being self honest would bring burdens and cause the development of relationships that would not stand as a community.  I realized, or so I believed that I had little if no practice in building relationships that developed long term trust, where there was an ease and respect, with no sense of ever needing to lie. 

In a moment, as a movement, I remember one time physically leaning towards another person, like to force this kind of relationship. It was like a pull in a direction instead of an assessment in real time.  I remember thinking ‘ what was that” lol.

Since I have allowed myself to move as knowledge and information, the switch from this habit to real time awareness, takes time, as catching the accepted and allowed habits, decoding them, and being practical is a new practice for me, I must give myself empathy to review and investigate every move that I am from one moment to the next. This need not become a burden, because in the practice of and as this, the gift is in the doing,  to develop recognition of what I have accepted and allowed as a measure within myself and the practical steps as what it means to be present and live here, equal and one to life, as physical in formation.

If I go into an idea, with any charged value, I create an agenda, or expectation, and as a consequence am not here, present and attentive to reality, the physical.  I am racing within myself, as knowledge and information. 

I am competing. I am in survival mode. Within this, the inversion from moving as knowledge and information into being present as life will not happen. And I end up scaring myself, based on my expectations as to what the future may or may not bring or exist as. Within being this science of the mind only, being here is lost.  And, I lose all significance because my directives are insignificance, as false positives that are justifications based on expectations that are essentially ideas, and I become a general sense of sadness.  

Interesting at this point in writing, I remember my father reprimanding me about something, and telling me I am not smart enough. His voice is charged. It is as though he is disappointed that I was not responsible,  more in the order as, ‘ Why did you not solve the problem?’ or 

Why did you not figure it out?’ ( this an expression of himself which I took personally) as once he said to me that I was stronger than some other people in my life. Thus, I run at times as a belief that I must be stronger, that then layers with the Caregiver Archetype.  This “ stronger as belief character”  creates a friction and conflict within myself, where in a mathematical sense as the equation of the words, I am both ‘ not solving the problem’ and ‘ the stronger’.  

Since this information that is not necessarily bad, was absorbed in a charged moment, it is polarized and racing within and as me, as my information, experience.

It is to realize that slowing down and investigating movement in reality, which is part of the steps of learning anything as learning something means developing awareness of it, which is something that builds meaning that mis-takes are not-enough-information to build a solid abstract about something to the point where one can move with out bewilderment or confusion and integrate new qualities about something, even when it comes to encountering new unexpected relationships. Here I can slow down and take real care of what it means to grow into a tree, so-to-speak, and be empathetic with this process of journeying to life, as I would want from another.

Hence instead of defining myself as the measure I absorbed as ‘ why did I not figure this out’ and  the polarity of ‘ being stronger’ I relate being stronger to knowledge and information accumulation and then begin to define myself as stronger. When this does not work out, I generalize and decide I am not pretty enough. This mind consciousness, moves as a web of limited values. It has nothing to do with being life, being present, existing in equality and oneness to reality as the means of this limited expression of self as life, as energy,  that can only exist on a physical host. The physical is life information. Energy, as mind projections is a pollution on the physical. We need only look at this world to see the consequences of out actions that lack respect for the physical to see, realize and understand the destructive nature of inequality to nature/the physical.

I am going to write some self forgiveness on ‘ stronger’ and ‘ Why did you not figure this out?” and then write some self corrective statements in relation to the Caregiver Archetype. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a measure as a belief, as the words “ stronger” in relation to believing that i must be stronger, or that i am stronger based on something said to me in my past.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to stress myself out within and as believing that I must be stronger in the future.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that “ I must figure something out’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a belief that I must be stronger because of a belief that things can be figured out, and that if I do not figure things out than I am weak.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am weak and within this to become bewildered within and as the conflict of being supposedly stronger and ‘ why did you not figure this out’ which I then defined myself as being weak because I did not figure something out and believing that I was supposed to be responsible which was to be stronger.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become an idea of being stronger.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become an idea of being weak.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a conflict within and as me, in and as ‘ supposed to be strong’ within and as the words from my childhood of ‘ you are stronger’ and ‘ why did I not figure this out’ where a conflict of bewilderment and confusion became what i defined myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the confusion of this mixed message, and ground myself in the practical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to be that ‘ stronger’ and within this to move into a caregiver archetype, where I believed that I had to figure things out and be the stronger I lead myself to believe based on what was the intel expressed to me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that it was my responsibility because I was ‘ stronger’.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to when and as I moved as gathering information to become intellectual, to become the character of ‘ stronger’ to not see, realize and understand that when and as my information caused conflict under the guise of a good as a belief of being stronger lead to “ why did you not figure this out” where i defined myself as being weak, as the information that was me as being weak, as in not being enough.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame myself, not seeing realizing and understand the practical physical world around me, as I moved in self interest, without regard for life as who and what I am as life is physical in form.

When and as I sense a conflict coming up, within and as my chest area, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I assess where I am within and as a belief that I must be stronger, and where I believe that I am to blame for not figuring something out, and I slow way down, and I assess the moment, to see, realize and understand the practical here, to become responsible for and as life, in considering life as the physical, to take that which is good and does no harm, in ways that share an understanding of the practical as I would want for myself as this is being self responsible as who and what I am here.

To be continued. Self corrective Statements in regard to the Caregiver Archetype. It is cool to realize the layers in relation to this as I write this out.

Thank you for reading!

Day 649 What leads is the past information, as what is here as the physical. What is Generation?

I can see the travesty of the refugee system where whole masses of people are running from bombs and destruction as drones and planes fly over and bomb this earth. How in any way does this make any sense?

Human beings can create wonderful things, they are very very capable of doing, of walking small details in small actions to complete something that is amazing, this is how things are built on this world and how things are cared for and understood. We are, we humans, the perfect sensory mechanisms to do this, I mean, a child imitates a smile on the face of an adult in a manner of weeks!

Yet somehow, we have lead ourselves to believe that that smile has another significance other than that organic machine that is able to imitate every single movement of the world in which they have manifested! That smile is nothing other than the physical sensory machine of physicality imitating what it sees/experiences/senses.

If that machine does not have the means to self dis-cover what it is and what it is actually doing, and ideas/beliefs/opinions are created around that movement, a measure, an icon, a morality, then that definition becomes more than what is actually physically happening. This creates a massive separation from reality. And what happens?

The ideas that create the borders become more than the physical expression of life as what this earth is. And, masses of people are moved around, under the guise of what- do any of us really know anymore? These people come from a country that at one time was self sufficient. These people come from a land that has natural resources that are ordered in a way to be owned by a corporation that wants one way for that resource to flow, and that way is to support an illusionary construct of hierarchy where some men, by means of their self defined measure that was LEARNED/ABSORBED/INPUT after they were born as that infant who copied every movement in their world until that ‘ measure’ was given precedence over all other measure. Yet this means that we become what we are exposed to, and we become what we are allowed exposure to, and that when we do not have a measure that is what is best for all, as in a measure that leads to an understanding of what it means to be physical beings on a physical world,  we are in separation from what it is that we are. The default is a combination of past traditions that were really only technical operations to exist on this physical world that we allowed to define us, which is how the separation started; our definitions did not include what we really are, which is the expression of life, that of course must be physical. I mean why create a separation from the physical world into the whole idea of a heaven? This reveals that all religions, were in so many ways, the first tele-visions of separation for those that believed their self definitions were more than another, having lost all sense of life.

Evidently, this happened even before the modern day religions, as the Sumerians and the Babylonians already started the story of Christ, of the child of god, creating a separation into there being one figure head that had a child. The irony is that the leader is the follower, as the leader is really what came before, in many ways, and the information as what came before brought into the child, which happens again and again and again with each generation of physical life on this earth as men. This is to say what leads, is the information that is here as the physical and the awareness that is expressed and passed onto the child. Thus, it is the measure of presence in physical living that is the real ‘ god’ in a way. What we allow to inform us, is what we become. Something of great beauty that can be abused if we all accept and allow it.

The refugees are people, they are life in expression, they are us in another life. They are the means to create heaven on earth. They are the power to put an end to this hierarchy as what people are and are able to be and do. What would be what is best for those lost in the separation as a belief in power, is the real power which is being present and equal to creation, which is the physical.

                  We can stand and become the stewards of heaven on earth, equal and one real-eye-zing the value is life.

Day 614 Equality with The Physical, Grounding Oursleves Here in Practice.

There have been times when playing in a quartet, that a rushing starts, or an insecurity in the playing, and things start to “ come undone” so to speak.  If anyone has ever watched a sport game, and is seeing the patterns of the players moving, a pattern can set in, a ‘ state of mind” that appears to become stuck and getting out of this appears to be impossible. Often, the pattern remains but there are many stories where the pattern, the ‘ psycho- logic’  changes and a ‘ comeback” happens. We love these stories , we find them amazing.

Back to the quartet. Performing with a quartet, such ‘ psycho-logic’ states can come to pass where the players are on edge appearing to have lost a groundedness and focus more on their individual parts are become undone because the focus on the whole and the individual part is lost/misssed/separated-from. As the leader, the first violin, what I have had to do, is really become stable within myself and really place the volume of myself into the part, which means into my part and the parts of the others, and to ‘ make loud’ the measure of overall ‘ beat’ pattern so-to-speak. Sometimes, I have had to hold this, sometimes the other players would ground themselves and a sense of placement in the total, as the space and time of the piece and the moment would return. Then, an ease would come and more ‘ play’ as in more ‘ wiggle room’ within the music. I notice in such situations, more eye contact was made, more cross reference between one another. One could also say, more intimacy.

I had never really realized this same behavior as being applicable in every moment of my life, in every interaction. I mean, I am a product of the present socially engineered school system, where I sat in a box, away from practical reality looking at pictures and taking in a presented measure of the past, and the way we move numbers around in formulas- which is another notated form of dividing volume and space, and moving the ‘ amounts’ around. And this was done in notation only without any real application. This abstracting without application, can be fun and yet lacking in real substance, because I enjoyed algebra for this very reason, moving the numbers around like a game, but not seeing other information because it had no real context. What I spent time on in such a model was really very limiting.  Being in a  quartet has more living interaction though still limited, it is dealing directly with different objects moving in different ways,  and I would say in more quantum ways because it was more dimensional overall. 
We live in this physical world of many shapes and forms and sounds and qualities. If I can be trained to sense rhythm and sound duration and staccato, and the way each wooden string instrument sounds, and the way the sound changes in a different hall space, performance space and adjust myself accordingly, then what I am as a man, can sense the space around me, with great capacity. So, what happens when that capacity is placed in a separate and limited environment that lacks all the sensations of our physical world ? What happens with this awareness? What does this form within as an experience, as a memory? Is this a distraction, using this quality of men as a memory builder, like a computer, to limit its natural perception?  Does this not take away the opportunity to become aware of all the formations of life on this earth, that earth we drive over to get to work? That earth we feed ourselves from? That earth that allows us to walk over  it with our two feet? That earth that is a formation, one that men see, right in front of us? Are we actually allowing a matrix of memory, as mind living only, that is the cause of the malfunction of and as the problems on this earth? Is this how wealth has accumulated into the hands of a very few, who then have the means to socially engineer the systems, which is really all of us, because we believed our memories to have more value than actual living?

Like a quartet, if the parts do not remain in awareness of one another, as in being more than just/only performing the measure of one’s part, then the whole thing begins to fall apart. It is like the group has to breath together as one. If one person focuses only on their part, it begins to fall apart, because it is the whole that guides the overall form and measure of the form being expressed.  In other words, on a physical world that is in expression, one cannot become automatic, because a sense of the space must always be in focus, which really means always being here and not only in one’s mind.

Men as a organic form that can sense the parts and the whole, the form and the function, the movement and its consequences within this physical world, means that one cannot take such a fine machine and force it to do repetitive tasks within a limited environment, because it forces a sensory machine into limitation and the energy accumulates, a dis-use presence and this has to eventually come out so-to-speak, especially if it has not had the opportunity to build a structural awareness of its environment, because it was fed limited controlled imagery and information away from what was real, the actual physical world around it.

The only real way to clean up this earth, with what is here, is to allow the means for that presence in men, to awaken, because that presence, with focus on the forms and functions of what is here, sense the total expressive means of it, and work with it, in ways that do no harm. It would be the most efficient means of cleaning up this earth. This and using the technology that has been created because of this separation, as this would help refocus us here, and expedite the reformation back into what respects what is here and does no harm. I mean, look, each part defines who and what we are, so that we become aware of what it means to be life, to create, because life is creation. It is really very simple. The limitation of belief in and as the mind is what complicates; complicated means not seeing the parts and the whole, not having the information clearly enough within to reflect life, as the actual real physical without.

Day 598 The Living Word Grounding us Here in Equality

I had a phone conversation with a business man, who complained that no one knows their words anymore. With the use of expediting words within texting words, abbreviations have become a norm for younger people.

But, like our cultivation of plants, that over time, as the American Indians have done, with pollination, creating larger grains heads of corn, our words have changed and built associations to constructs in our past, just as we do, and we can see that we do because we all have personalities, and what are personalities made of but a collection of limited associative values, a separation from the whole, from what we all are as being the same, built of the same building blocks in reality. The ideas we have of ourselves as mind, these are just ideas in separation from that starting point of practical reality.

So, I want to look at two words; evangelical and condemn.

Evangelical really means to well announce. Condemn means to force down.

These are the movement units of these words, they describe a living movement - so to speak.

Somehow, as I have done and been taught, evangelical is associated with the church. This is really a processing spoke in the wheel when it comes to actual living, and one that pulls in all manner of associations, distracting one from the essence of the word.

Condemn, as its essence shows what happens when one uses a force and presses down, as opposed to up. Somehow, over time it has become associated with a negative value, as though one is condemning another, which is in a way, condemning a personality. I mean, classism is a form of pressing down on another that has not had the opportunity for development, a construct that exists because we have allowed a government that voices democracy, the supposed voice of the people, yet supports and upholds a financial system that is in form and function in opposition to democracy! 

So, our words, have changed in meaning through added meanings/values/collective-meaning/story over time, and given that we all come from various levels in our accepted pyramid scheme financial system, we will all have different associations to our words, because we will have different ideas and values coming up with each word.

I also had someone say to me that what is needed in this world is more brotherhood. The lack of brotherhood, could this be because we are all walking around in bubbles, mixed up in all this hi-storical reference, trying to find a match , an exact match to our associative stream of images that are really ill defined? This means that we are not going to find that perfect match, because no two people can occupy the same inch of earth, thus it is an impossibility.

This is why we must realize an equal starting point. That starting point must be what allows us to exist. The physical. The physical reveals what works and what does not work, it is the manifestation of life in FORM. It is creation. It is thus, the eye of the needle. And it is the one thing, our education, our religion, our cultures lead us away from, because if we realize that the physical is life information, than no one can place a viel over our eyes. I mean, where to hide that which is real? Right in front of us, right here.

If we walk around and speak as all these inference associations without realizing that we are doing this, then it is like we are constantly forcing our heavy square pegs into a round hole, again, and thereby not really communicating with anyone.

This is why we were told, we must become the living word. This means, considering, which in a way is changing our focus, to include the physical manifestation of creation, which is earth, here, we must “ force” ourselves to see and include physical reality as being the value, and then can we change and transform heaven onto earth. We are all the same, it is only that television in the mind that is separating us from reality. And that “ sins of the father” television is passed down “limited” values only. This has no real transformative value, it is a state of being that is a structural violence against life, consuming it, sucking the life from the physical as our HUEDman bodies. We are so filled with colors, as values, that we are in separation from what is the value, which is being/existing as physicality - a circle of building blocks that is how we manifest here as life. We can either decide to realize the physical must be respected and valued and worked with in ways that do no harm and allow the full potential of each part to self realize, or we can continue to hide in limited values as mind consideration only, until we destroy this world and start again, until we realize that we can go no further until we accept ourselves as being special because we are life information, which is physical and that each is us in another from, because we are all of the same substance. I mean, in so many ways it is a brilliant design, we must only accept it, and ground ourselves here.

Why do we not see this cognitive dissonance, this game of disassociation that is the cause of so much false dilemma? On some level we all know this. we see the spin of the mind because we are walking comparison, incessantly seeking like symbols through emotional values that comfort our own. Instead of seeking like emotional values, which are our compounded beliefs, why not forgive this and realize that the physical was here, grounding us if we would only accept this as the real value? That one little change within, that one little perceptual change would begin to build, to or more in my name, which is the physical, and this would begin to build real value, real support, and as such real living, where each would begin to become the living word. How much fun would that be? More than our televisions could ever ever ever convey!