Monday, December 3, 2012

Day 224 Internal Conversations Dimension: Apprehension Character

1/52 (Photo credit: alicethewhale)
Internal Conversation/Backchat/Voices In the Head Dimension

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when I start biting my finger nails, I am anticipating and apprehending “What If” scenarios in and as my mind based on my past, becoming a state of dis-ease and fear, with the words following suit, conversations voicing a fear of loss and/or a hope of gain, the perpetual loop from the fear of loss as the negative to the hope of gain as the positive, a fantasy world/word as an act of energy, where actually being here, investigating this world and findingsolutions, is mired in ambiguous possibilities without actual, detailed understanding as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that becoming a conversation in and as my mind without looking at how this world works, leads to spinning around in uncertainty and non directive behaviors, such as nail biting, as no solution can be found in separation from what is here- which is how this present system functions and how this earth as nature functions - thus if no solution is to be found, an understanding of what is here is not understood, where this state of lack of understanding and lack of direction is self abdication as life, a misalignment of what supports life absolutely.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have such “what if” thoughts as “ What if I lose my income,” or “What if I lose my home,” or “What if I cannot pay my bills,” or “ What if I can no longer support my family,” or “ What if I lose my “face value” as what I use to remain within my society as income, as ignorant compliance - in religious beliefs, socio-economic group values, peer relationship interactions, gender role play -relationship as how I define myself here”
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to, within this, remain fixed in conversation with singular relationships in an as the words in my head, as consciousness, that bear no witness to what is physically here and how this here functions, as I have been taught to remain within the mind as consciousness, as thought a guide, an image machine of imprinted profit generating dictates resonantly poisoning and consuming my flesh as I have allowed myself to separate from myself as life into being defined through relationships instead of what is one and equal in what sustains, which is the substance of life, that which gives as what is best for all absolutely, where earth is the eye of the needle to realize this, and this a place for man to become what is best for all, to realize self as life, as this is the value.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the voices in and as my mind are always about relationships, as this has become what I move as here, in support of myself, thus existing within a face value as presentation of myself to survive, ignoring myself as life, abdicating myself as life, where myself as life is absolutely directive within what is best for all.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting dramatic imaginations that are in self interested validation, or self interested abdication in hiding from facing what i have accepted and allowed as ignorance of directing myself as life in self honesty, conversation such as, “ Why has she/he not called me?”, “ Why can’t these people make up their minds?” , What is she/he trying to hide?”, all of these questions of spite and blame, as they are in self interest within survival within personal gain.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become apprehension as the behavior of the voices in my mind are pointing to, an accepted religion of self interest within survival only and thus myself in lack of awareness, this awareness being self honesty within what is best for all, where within this present profit based system standing in self honesty means facing the fear of loss in others.

I commit myself to temper myself within, to realign myself to what is best for all, through realizing that the voices in and as my mind are indicators of my fear of loss, of what I fear I lack, as all internal conversation is self blame, as the voice of what self fears losing as a belief that a relationship defines self, which is a fantasy in separation from what is here, as it is only here, one and equal to this physical world as life, that interaction with life exists, as the physical, as alignment with what is real, which is composed of all life, the point of cross referenced effective communication and thus a living proof of what is best for all, as this would be common sense as life expressing itself.

I commit myself to stop and breath, when and as I find myself carrying on a conversation in and as my mind, to return here, to what is physical, to direct myself to communicate, which at the moment means realizing that all life has value, with all of existence as the physical here.

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