Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Day 455 Protection and Defense. The loss of humility.


Protection and Defense
I am looking at how I protect and defend myself in my world, which is pushing away that which I do not stand through, avoiding looking at the movement around me, which began in childhood in not having the words to describe what is around me, or not having the authority to speak because of being a child.
I watched a documentary on ADHD and there was this one child who would tape things, his window and his toys as though to direct himself within administering his own punishment, which is telling of the environment in which he lived.
The bottom line was that he had to adhere to the emotional status of the family, which meant he could not move, because the whole tone of his world was confined to existence, probably limited financially, dreams and ideas of what life would/should be lost, and this made bigger as a within idea than the practical physical world without. Practical existence becomes a burden instead of a joy, as an idea of life, a fairy tale - as what is impulsed during childhood- does not teach/focus onto/enjoy the very physical interactions of our world and how all physical connection and interaction is what allows creation to exist. Thus, it is not that the points within fairy tales are bad, but that they become the inner memory as point of view, as story told, when chased in the absence of learning the whole mechanisms of life, including one’s own actual physical body ( meaning really learning to work within one’s physical body) so much is denied. This would confuse a child that comes into this world naturally discovering itself as a physical being. So, the child does not learn about itself in detail, and has to conform to ideas that bypass all explanation and self discovery of a physical being. And we wonder why there is ignorance of practical reality.
Does a child, before accepting the “ party dictate” rebel even within confusion because in taking on the limited explanations so much understanding in detail is lost, and this loss is then a lack of understanding, like bypass surgery of self understanding and thus equality to and as life , here.
Within this, does the knowledge and information without practical application become overwhelming as it really has no substantive practice as experience, thus the memory of inFORMation as mind is a dearth of evidence unequal to understanding physical reality.
Within this, so much time is spent on behavior modification, so much war as a life is forced into limitation. An indoctrination ensues that in itself has no real awareness of the physical world, the child sensing that something is lost, that a suicide of self as life is taking place, and as a small person has no chance and no developed voice to withstand the storm of separation into a image nation as mind that in itself is made bigger than the world without. This would be a hell for a person being born into this world. It is no wonder ADHD exists, it is no wonder children rebel, it is no wonder a child clings to their parents, because it is realized that the child is in a world of adults who ignore what is real, and in order to survive the child has to learn the limitation, and this is difficult because it is obvious as a learned and accepted confinement so entrenched as a program as behavior, a child is defenseless in finding a way out.
They give up and start repeating the parental line until the lie that is a limitation is repeated so many times it becomes a believed to be truth. Is this why the child speaking has an irregular breathing pattern physically. Will this child end up snoring as an adult, never having learned to be equal to self as life physically and as such struggling to breath, in essence never really having learned to breath, as imagination became the goal, a lie by omission, a control mechanism, a separation, and thus a lack of ease with the physical.
Does this sound like advertising? Does this sound like what we allow our politicians to be and do, through the use of ambiguity? This use of words that can have more than one meaning?
Is there a part of me that stubbornly refused to give up to the ghost in the machine as the limitation as the mind? And as this I am stuck in my own action?
And does this cause a lot os pain for myself, as I am a refusal as a reaction instead of clarity? And having said this, the search for the bridge in the separation, this which must be right here, as what is here is the physical world which is the reality,  I miss and or, if I begin to point out or have pointed out, have not understood the entrenched behaviors of another and that what I get is a reaction to the process needed that is a deconstruction of entrenched limitation, and entrenched dearth of understanding, as ideas have been made bigger than, as being unequal to physical reality. And within this, is this what is meant by bringing heaven - as mind, as inner imagery/imitation-of-physical-reality back down to earth. I mean what else would humans as being take in but the world without, what else is there? is not the gift of life this world, is this not where life is actually happening? Is this not what would be reflected to the within as what we are? And if we impose an alternate reality, as our media is in fact, would we not zoom in on this presentation that is limited and become the zoom-being of this presentation, the focus of this? And would this media not be the manifestation of what has been accepted within as we create what we selectively have taken in/imitated ( in me taken)? And this zombie is simply the ghost in the machine as the physical form, that ignores physical reality as the ghost is believed to be greater than, that it is in fact a parasite of, the physical body as a man.
What thoughts are the indicators of separation, what accumulated thoughts have built the emotion of ourselves, the feelings that exist within? Thus, the unconscious is our collective limitations, and the subconscious would be our immediate cultural environment and the conscious would be what we wear as our personification values that maintain our character to a heaven of belief as mind that is in separation from physical reality, from equality and oneness to and as what is real, which is earth, the heart that bearths self to the expression of life enabled as the physical world. It is that all the letters in the word have the answer, earth - only the singular perspectives in the consequence of the letters can limit the understanding.
Ironically, in becoming a constriction as a belief in needing protection and defense, I limit myself. I makes claims and want them understood, acknowledged and in this process forget self direction, which can only exist within becoming equal and one to and as life. Nothing can be lost within this. The real loss is remaining within judgement without finding solutions.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into a protection and defense mode which is myself within judgement that something will be lost.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that something can be lost.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in becoming a belief that something can be lost, I see only that which can be lost, which is an idea, as the physical practical world is here, which means I, as I am here, am able to look at what is practically physically here and move in and as life, as that which does no harm and only, in common sense, directs in thought word and deed that which is a solution that considers all life equally.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to , within all this, to fear facing the bully of the mind, the bully of belief in self interest within myself and without.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the inner world as limited/selective ideologies as mind of the human has manifested without and until this is realized as a separation from life by the collective, the abuse of judgement, as the abuse of one thing being more than another will continue to be the movement of life on earth that is, if one takes the time to look around and understand the present system formation, has caused the need for behaviors of survival where everyone is vying for money, as this has been allowed to determine life, and thus within this playing the martyr is pointless, as the system in totality must change, because one person acting “ good” becomes a target and thus it is to realize that the collective is the power and that which must stand to get this earth in order, realizing that the physical world is what is real and that each of us has a responsibility to stand equal and one with the physical world as this is the value, as this is life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear not having any effect on the existence of limitation as the mind in humans.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that all I can do at this point is investigate the accepted and allowed system and point out its limitations and corrective solutions, as it takes a collective to stand and change what has been the product of many generations of men.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear not being understood.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have driven myself to succeed in other areas of myself in protection and defense, becoming a voice in and as my mind, that if I just keep going and just keep looking I will succeed, which consumed me to such an extent that I constricted within to listen to this motivational drive and within this ignored practical physical reality and an investigation into the systemic practices that created this overwhelming system of survival.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being labeled as unsuccessful.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that even when I happened to appear to be successful, there was a sense that an idea of winning or having won was not the real value, as in realizing that it was simply being that was the value.
When and as I find myself believing that i am not understood, I stop and I breath, and I realize that a cup is a cup, period.
When and as I find myself wanting to escape, to go into flight, I stop and I breath and I look here at physical reality, and I look at what is real, as the physical, I do not allow myself to only be compassion for an emotion, I take that motion and I bring this back down to earth, within and without, to realize what is common sense on a physical planet that is the form and function of life.
When and as I find myself becoming sad, I stop and I breath, and i realize that the solution is what is best for all, which means what supports physical existence absolutely, and that the answer, the solution is right here in front of me/us and that this can be revealed in all humility again and again, no matter the bully of self interested profit which is in essence a fear of loss as an idea that bears no witness to physical form and function as life is a physical mechanism as this would be what enables life, here, thus allowing financial lack is a crime against life, as the physical manifestation of life, as what life would, requires certain basic needs to fulfill its “ rightness” as the expression of life.
When and as I find myself feeling uncertain, I stop and I breath, and I use my common sense ability as my human physical body to find the solution that is what is best for all in thought word and deed, I balance myself here within and as the physical, where there is no need to drive myself into an idea based on my culture and past into an imagined personification of success.
When and as I find myself moving into anger, I stop and I breath, and I see, realize and understand that within and as anger, I am within judgement, and not in humility, here, choosing that which does no harm, choosing that which is best for all, and thus, within the slightest rise of irritation, I stop and I breath, and I remember myself to humility and I look to a solution that brings a fear of loss back into common sense and I direct within what is best for all here.
                                                          DIP Lite Desteni I Process Self discovery

Stand as realizing the physical has basic needs to stand as life in full capacity, and as this, all of earth must be cared for, utilized in ways that cause absolutely no harm, as the physical is the gift of life.


Saturday, May 25, 2013

Day 364 Self Judgement Commitment Statements


If I read about some extreme injustice I become very angry and blame and react, so busy being blame that I no longer am here in common sense of the totality of what is here in earth and who I am as how I am within such a reaction. Then I have expectations that my righteousness will be understood and when it is not, I remain in ignorance singing the tune in and as my mind that another is ignorant or lack any semblance of care for another. Then I blame myself for not having made the situation clear enough, in some way. I remember before my husband died I kept thinking that the magic words must be there somewhere, I had simply not found them. And the answer was right there in front of me, it was what I had constructed as belief that was the separation, not the words individually, but how I used them, what I described, which lacked a complete understanding of what was going on. Even if I had placed my words to be clear, my husband had to take them and apply them himself, this I could not do, this was ultimately up to him, thus we are all to blame for what we allow, and cannot point the finger at anyone else.
I notice this tension in my legs, it is like they have this electrical circuitry that tenses them continuously and somehow, I am the cause of this as what I have accepted and allowed. So, I am attempting to write this out, as this is a behavior I have had for a very long time and it is going to take some time to slow this petrification of myself as how I am within me as how I am moving in detail as myself within.
It has even taken some time to see this, as I did this within my back and that took some time to get to relax. Self forgiveness is a much better tool than any drug. And I do not condone stopping drugs as they perhaps have a purpose for a moment.

I remember my father being able to hear an orchestral work and name the orchestra, the conductor, the piece. This was an ability to measure the character of these parts, which is to say the style of the conductor, and the orchestra and the piece were able to be heard through their combination of qualities. Which means that humans have the capacity to sense here in detail. There are those who can read every form water takes when frozen to understand the age of the ice, the strength of the ice, the atmospheric conditions slowly coming along. All of this is reading patterns, becoming familiar with this world. This intrinsic ability is the nature of the organic machine of the human, and the only reason it is not living up to this in full capacity is that it is denied development. I also think that the development of this is probably greater than any machine built by men today. Even though this within ourselves as humans has been suppressed for so long, we will probably need our inventions to help us discover what we are that some have achieved some level of ability within and as, to allow ourselves as life to be within our full potential as what we are as life, here.
In actuality, we have learned suppression, and this is maintained by a system, currently that is the manifestation of our own suppressions as life. We have completely separated ourselves from life, abdicated what we are as life, not realizing that the only way through to life is as ourselves. This is what was meant by going through the eye of the needle, one must become equal to the substance of life, to fit through, no machine we build is going to get us through, it is only equality and oneness to and as the starting point of life, the very substance of life, the “ sound” of life that is the building block equal and one within all of us. Must seem so abstract when looked at through a mind of chasing ideologies. Realizing these ideologies for what they are, idols to abdicate self responsibility as life, will seem like a death, but it is only a death of idol worship, as the only solution is to respect this actual physical world, as this is what is real. Heaven fed off of this, and it was a projection off the ground of earth. We have all been afraid of a lesser substance, and in the process become inferior to life. The joke is on you. And me. lol We are the creators of our own yokes.
So, I have this person I have known for many years. I went to a gathering with him. Now, he rants incessantly about how people are rude and ignore him. At this gathering there was another woman I have known for years, and I know her mother. Her mother is very much a mother in the traditional sense that she is constantly organizing and cleaning up, making sure things look in order. I know this because she owns a gallery and it is always in order, and this mother is constantly moving and tidying things up. She has been doing this for so long it is like habit as what she is. So, her daughter at this gathering was talking with me and my friend, when she suddenly turned and went to help someone she noticed was holding a bowl - as there was food at this gathering. The daughter went to get involved with the maintenance of the gathering, just like her mother, concentrating of this kind of detail, as though she could not help herself. I was looking at my friend as this happened in a moment, and the whole musculature of the face of my friend tensed and pursed.
We left the gathering and immediately in the car my friend started to go into the same rant about how people are rude and ignore him.  I said to him that this daughter was simply becoming her mother, becoming a role of taking care of the objects at the function, just life her mother, and that it really had nothing to do with my friend, she was simply becoming the habit she was taught. My friend said, I know - which he says all the time when something is pointed out - and continued to talk about how rude this behavior was.  I also know that the father and husband within this family does not believe that women should be in art. Which I will not explain here, so, I understand that this family has serious divisions within gender role play even in the face of this present world where women are more than capable of learning to draw and paint. There are probably layers of issues here that I will not go into, as the point is that it is beliefs, opinions and ideas that build our personalities and these beliefs, opinions and ideas playout in our behaviors, and it is all visible. Which is how my father could determine which conductor was conducting, which orchestra was performing and which piece was being played, and when it was written  and what culture it came from, as the details of the parts as the focus reveal the parts as what is not present and what is made huge and brought forward. And our divisions of quality create a persona that is readable, be it nation, country, tribe, family, gender, social level. All of these divisions where borders within the qualities are not allowed to be crossed, or so we believe.This organization has created separation and difficulty in communication, and this earth is in constant war and strife, thus, what we have created within all this is not working, our existential order is one of destruction and not life and therefor this must change. It is an order of limitation, the parts in themselves not bad, just simply ordered in such a way life is denied, withheld, and lacking communication as the parts with one another. Naturally, there are a few benefitting from this. Which begs the question, are they really? An ease of communication in totality would be a more fulfilling life, this cannot be denied. It is common sense.


So, what is it that is able to “ read” all of this” Can an idea “ read “ this” What is it that takes in all the “ sound “ of this and has some common sense of the parts, if this is developed? And can this “ reader” of here that is each of us, be taken into limited behaviors of blame and spite based in limited insight, as my friend was allowing himself to exist as, based on an idea of himself and what was needed to validate him? And why did he need a specific behavior the lack of which caused a reaction of blame and spite? All of this so silly because it is all wanting something that has no common sense of here, is of no communication of here as being life, living life here, learning to sense here and enjoy simply being here, learning to be and become equal and one in communication with life as what is substantial, here. This is why singular ideas as imagination are pointless, they are fantasies made huge and thus a separation from physical reality. We are actually living a language of fantasy, and this is based on the culture in which we were born. A selection of values creating a persona, and that fantastic persona is very limited. Were it not then an ease of communication would exist on earth. And it does not. Also, had we this, what knowledge and information presented by the media would have outcomes that were agreeable to all, and what is storied on the media is not doing this. The media only plays to each persona losing itself causing fear, instead of directing each of us to understand and stand as life in self responsibility.

And such attention deficit disorder is disordering life, as this is used to allow some to have more than others, and we allow this, because we are so caught up in blame and spite, idea and opinion, our thoughts that are judgements are ideas that something is more than another instead of placing what is here as expression into context with the physical real world, and in so doing this we separate ourselves from life, and our separation, our projection consumes the physical and we become habituated within our ideas, that are taught by those who were before us doing the same, and thus we end, we cannot move through the eye of the needle because we were never here, instead we were in our minds, believing our thoughts to be real our judgements to be real. These judgements when continued become emotions and feelings and then they become our behaviors, our personifications which are then constantly seeking validation, the memores as judgements wanting to be right, wanting a right to life, which is believing an illusion, being the lie of separation and suppression of self as life being here, reading here, understanding here as the physical is the gift to bring self here to allow equality and oneness to and as life here. 
I have to within myself see my own judgements that are separations from life, as what i was taught, not all good or bad, but simply limited, and as this a suppression of myself as life. 
The only solution is to take what I have used as ideas and beliefs and opinions as judgement of what is more than and less than, superior and inferior and bring these back to myself, take what is good and what prevents disease with here, and direct within the principle of what is best for all, even in the face of reaction and protection and defense of personification as behaviors of ego, which is to bring a limitation/ambiguity back to equal and one consideration of practical needs of physical reality, as it is the physical which is the source of life, not a heaven, not the idea touted by a media owned by a corporation that has an idea that it can determine what people need, as believing one knows what people need is to deny the actual physical world being more than able to determine what is needed as the physical is its own technology able to take care of itself, as it can “ read” here as it is life, the very source of life. Taking care of the physical world and allowing it to be what it is, especially the human, to be and become what it is capable of is the only solution, as this is the way of life. And that is just common sense.
Our economic system is not on par with life, it does not support life, it does not prevent disease, poverty, sexual abuse, ignorance, pollution, killing, animal abuse, soil erosion.  Fractional reserve banking within interest lending allows the interests of a few to not only serve in self interest, but use the profits as the principle, divided again and again under names of a different color, move the separated values into building a war machine to capture and divide resource and information; our media being the projector of limited information to diminish understanding and yoke understanding within limited means, all done in self interest with the idea projected that one hand feeds us despite physical fact that it takes many many hands to have built and to built what exists, making it very obvious that the outward manifestation as the order of this system is simply a macrocosm of what we are each allowing and accepting within ourselves on and individual/micro level as consciousness as thoughts as judgements as idea that one thing is more than another, when the order of equality as all being of same substance in expression in different rhythms as what is needed to be the physical world working as an expression of life, meaning on a practical level that physical skill is not more than intellectual skill as both are needed to support life, as where we stand at the moment. 

So, when and as I find myself imagining via a hierarchy of values about another, analyzing them and placing them on a scale of more and less value I stop and I breath, and I see realize and understand that they are me and I am them, that the present system as consciousness as mind, as personification of limited ideas, beliefs and opinions, exposing themselves within and as me as thoughts, that when repeated and used as directive, become emotions, and feelings, as fear of loss and justification for an action taken to hide the negative judgement in and as limitation and thus separation from here, I slow myself down and I direct within and as the principle of what is best for all, realizing that within directing as such, behaviors of protection and defense of personality will react in self interest, and here I continue to remain within and as breath, and to not allow myself to become inferior to the bully of the mind, and/or judge myself as superior as the only choice is to become the living word within and as what is best for all.

When and as I find myself reacting to a fear of being judged, I stop and breath, and I see, realize and understand that I allow myself to be judged as judgement need only be directed within and as what is best for all, of which is visible as all life on earth being cared for and developed within the inherent nature of man as a physical being to and towards communicating as life in awareness and consideration of all life, as is the nature of life.
When and as I find myself imagining a loss, I stop and I breath and i bring myself back here, and realize that the only thing that can be lost are thoughts as ideas, opinions and beliefs that are not in accord with life, with what is best for all,  and that the mind is an imagination and not what is real, here as the physical, thus the only choice is to stop and breath and bring myself here realizing what is supportive of life absolutely through care for this actual physical world, which means I have to place myself here and accept the physical as me, as what is real.
When and as I find myself moving towards a behavior as a reaction, as spite and blame, as comparison and competition, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down to “read”/look at the actual physical world here, to no longer allow myself to judge on a scale, through a scale, of more than and less than, and instead to look at what is real as the physical and to use my common sense to investigate what works as support absolutely, or to direct within what would support the physical world to prevent disease and allow the life that is here to become directive as itself within and as equality and oneness as what is best for all.


When and as I find myself tensing up in my legs I stop and I breath, and I take the time to slow down and see what I am allowing and accepting in terms of judgement as blame and spite, comparison and competition, that is myself suppressing myself as life into a mental fantasy of limited qualities selected as associations learned, and I direct without fear of loss within and as the principle of what is best for all, thus I walk through my smoke screen of fears as separations being used as label for protection and defense, of self abdication and I speak within common sense of what is best for all here.
When and as I begin to point out how the present system functions as a system of inequality, as a system that begins within each and every one of us, I stop and I breath and I do not allow myself to become inferior to here, within and as blame and spite, judgement of more than and less than via comparison and competition, as I take the principle of what is best for all is best for self, and I direct within this principle as myself as life, to begin to redirect this behavior of suppression I have accepted and allowed that is my own behavior of limitation in being equal and one to and as life, here.
When and I have a thought that something has been “ done unto me” I stop and I breath, and I realize that there is a whole past of judgement behind me, resonantly held within as belief, opinion and idea that broadcasts it separation via thoughts, emotions and feelings, which I no longer allow to be the experience of myself here, as I walk this through forgiving this back to myself and directing this within correcting this towards what is best for all via being equal and one with and as this actual physical world, as this is what is real and not the imaginations in and as my mind, as consciousness.
When and as I find myself allowing myself to believe I am being coerced, I stop and I breath, and I stop the circular logic as thoughts of bad and good, more than and less than, loss and gain, reward and punishment, and I take this catch 22 and see, realize and understand what would be best for all, placing the physical as myself here, investigating and speaking up within what is directive here in equality and oneness as what supports the physical world absolutely.

Desteni DIP Self forgiveness to deprogram the separation from life to and towards becomeing equal and one with and as life. Stop the mind of separation. Come back to the physical. Birth Yourself as life. There is no other choice.

Interviews to understand self as mind. Some are for FREE! Eqafe.com
Equal Money. org Let's be practical and get this world in order.
Desteni

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Day 312 Extreme Shock and Trauma: Accidents, Disease, Mental DisOrder


This then brings in the Next Level of Shock, which are: Accidents, Disease, Mental Disorder and Events that Cause Trauma – bringing a Sudden Stop the Consciousness-Illusion. When this Happens, a Chance exist that the Being may become Aware – but because everyone around a Being is Still Trapped in their Consciousness-Illusion: they will do their Utmost to Convince the one in Shock, that the Shock wasn’t Real. And so, Most even with a Great Traumatic Shock – will eventually Return to the Consciousness-Illusion. 
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/03/day-320-awareness-and-conception-in.html




Extreme Shock and Trauma
Bernard Poolman has talked about extreme shock and trauma being a trigger/catalyst for seeing more than consciousness. Well, in my case this is basically what happened.
I found my husband hanging by his neck in the attic of our Zurich apartment building in the Spring of 2000.
We were a normal middle class family, two healthy boys who did well in school,our marriage was not one of argument,we did not drink much, we enjoyed skiing - would ski all day when we skied. We loved to walk and be out in nature. We had friends and dinner parties, swam in the Zurich See. My husband had been going to France on the weekends to fly Ultra-light planes, as he had been a hand glider and loved to fly.
As I understood it, he was the head of the design unit for the renovation of the Zurich Airport, purportedly the biggest project ever in Switzerland at that time. His company had paid for him to take a very expensive managerial course. He also was working with Siemann’s and would fly to England to interact with an engineer, who was English. This engineer would also come to Zurich and stay with us in our apartment. It was a nice apartment, because there were always bird sounds, we were so close to the Zurich See.
I moved back to the states. It must have been about 5 or six weeks after the suicide that my sister “dragged” me out to socialize with the summer crowd at a local restaurant. There I sat at the table with about six or seven other people, all of whom I knew for many years. I was basically numb, like being in a state of nothing. In fact I felt nothing, it was as though everything was nothing. Nothing mattered, nothing, nothing, nothing, all was nothing.
Suddenly, every single person at that table had a bubble around them. Their eyes were not here, they were on the screen in front of their eyes. The big tree that was a part of the patio of this restaurant was blowing in the wind, like a giant stream it seemed, like it was in a stream - come to think of it. Anyway, not one single person at that table was really listening to anyone else. NO one was listening to anyone else. All anyone was doing was trying to ( and I am going to describe it as I saw it at that time) force/pull/divert/get attention onto, themselves. It was like they wanted to prove something, and all that mattered was taking anything, using any word, direct everything to and towards themselves to prove, to win, to substantiate themselves. it was like they were hungry for this and nothing else mattered. And there were like, these stream things moving from their eyes out and then back again - which I think one of the quantum mind interviews on Eqafe describe perfectly as how it was.
Mean while, I am sitting there thinking, what the fuck is that! What is going on, oh my god, what is that, no one is listening to anyone else!!!!! Silence. Okay.
I think at that point i snapped back into nothingness, silence, numbness. I forgot about this but other things started to happen, I started to have some problems with people sometimes. And I started to do odd things like just stop and look at another person, and I would just see them being obsessed with their own story.
I also did not want to talk too much. But this is a state of shock.
About a year later, I was doing my student teaching. I had just taught a lesson on some math process to a fourth grade class. Now, I had anxiety that I was not good enough to teach these children. I actually had thoughts of, how can I do this, I could not save/stop what happened to my husband.
So, I had just finished teaching this lesson, had practiced some of the process with the students and was handing this over for them to do on their own. So, I was standing back and watching the group work quietly on their own. One of the boys looked up from his desk and stared in front of him - like he was “staring a hole in the wall” as the saying goes. ( I mean why so we do this? And why does this have a “name”?) Suddenly, above his head was a metallic looking ball, and it was spinning around. This boy was erratic in his behavior, he could read at a higher level than anyone in the class, and he could figure out math problems that as far as I was concerned, he had not been taught. I knew his parents, they owned a fast food restaurant. Okay, what was that? is what I thought, I actually looked at this thing, and could see it had impressed lines around it, like the stitches on a baseball , it was this deep grey color with a hint of bronze coloring and it spun, like those typewriter balls on electric type writers. Back and forth, changing direction. Can you imagine suddenly seeing something like this? What would you do, it is not like I was sick, I was functioning, eating, doing, living, taking care of children, going to school, just normal like anyone else, and this very strange stuff was happening.
Now something like this had happened in my twenties, and I had seen a bubble like thing around something. I had searched for someone else describing such a thing, but found nothing. The next time I was in New York City I went to that big esoteric book store Samual Weiser? I think it was called, and started to look for someone or something describing a bubble around “things”. This time I found something, it was in a Colin Wilson book, the supposed “great sceptic” where a man who had moved into a house had encountered a “man”, as I remember this, that was a “bear” and he began to speak with this entity. Anyway, he. the man that had this encounter, described a bubble being around this entity. That was the only description I found in twenty odd years until I found desteni.
What I saw as a bubble like facade as the “screen” people were “reading” happened in the summer of 2000. I did not find desteni until 2009. I found them when I had gotten to a point where I did not know where to look anymore, nothing made sense, and something was wrong, in a moment of “ four sheets to the wind” I reached out and asked a question, and desteni answered.
The first video was of Veno in Sunette’s body talking about the mind consciousness system. I think this was the second time in my life that I went into shock, someone was talking about bubbles being round people, about a system in the mind, an inter-dimensional system that limited, that was like a retainment of self abdication as life, manifest as fear, as separation from self as life, which would fit with what I saw, as everyone at that table trying desperately, aggressively, obsessively, trying to get all attention onto them as ideas, and opinions and beliefs to prove that they were “right” that their way was THE WAY, and all of it was a self hiding from facing self as life, here.
What I felt as I saw this, as I moved from seeing this to myself in that moment in 2000, was that I was way, way, way down at the end of some really really long tunnel, so far away, so small, so diminished, so timy, and that whole tunnel before me was my separation from life, that somehow this HUGE thing was a storm so great, that reaching here, as in reaching those around me was a divide. But what I remember from this, was how buried I was within this.
So, yes there are bubbles around all of us, even those no longer in the physical existence as a person in a body, in a physical form. If I can see this so can you. If I look back, I realize that the times these things have happened I was very quiet - so to speak- and evidently this is a trait in another branch of my family history, so I am not “special” within this, as this is something that has been realized here, as part of the story of here. I had a great Aunt, who told me one time that I was like the Riotte family, who were half Mayan, so is this an echo of how the MAyans did what they did, in becoming very quiet, they listened and within this learned to see what is here making a lot of noise right in front of them as their fear and desire to be more than, contained in a bubble?

Everything is here, what we are is in all the stories and words we speak, we have simply separated everything into a quantum structure that evaluates into more and less without application into and as realizing that everything has a value, and that not one value is more than another and in this process we are in separation from life, from being one and equal with and as the sound of life as the substance of life.

Become equal and one to and as LIFE DIP Lite



Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Day 302 Disgust Character Imagination Dimension

Imagination Dimension Disgust character
I notice that when I get into an argument and become angry, I become a sneer, like I am so possessed with disgust. There is some development going on next to me, and I talked with the developer. he did not like my question, and became immediately defensive, I could feel anger coming up in me, so much smaller, yet still there. I begin to project disgust towards this person, distain, and a glee, in thinking that this person revealed themselves to me and now I have license to attack. This is all based on fear of loss, and it is the same behavior I encountered with my parents, which I wrote about in a previous blog. This, “ okay, you are acting in self interest, bullying me, so you are now equal to me, and no better than I in my own self interest, so we are even, even to be the same.” This wry smile, a glare as an expression on the face appears, like Pnadora’s box has been opened. What does this do? Nothing. And we all do this, it just moves so fast and has been done so often that we do not even notice it anymore. It is done indirectly, directly, aggressively and passively. Were it not done, than this world would be a different place. And, since this is a movement within, this suggests that this need not be what we are, as even one moment of being forgiving, means that this is what can be the movement within, it is only ourselves/myself stopping the forgiving of myself as life, within and as the principle of what is best for all. The situation I spoke of above, is about money, and all this other person could see was a threat to their money, to their survival and since these behaviors are accepted, this survival to not lose, to not face a death, be it the final death, a death of social status , a death of monetary support as in loss, within consideration of immediate self needs only, without considering what goes on for all inhabitants of earth, is criminal. How can living in constant worry about survival be an expression of life? How can we even consider that there is any other option but to care for all life, especially in the face that we have major transportation and communication systems across the earth? There is food grown all over this earth, there are robots now that can lift heavy things, I mean, there is absolutely no reason, what is here on this earth is not being taken care of as life, needs met. The only thing stopping us at the moment is an entrenched behavior of complacency. If we/I could just take a deep breath and step outside of our metaphysical minds, in not much time at all could this world be turned around. The first step is to stabilize what is here, with food and shelter and clean water. Then, once this is done, move from there.
In common sense, there are major distribution centers all over the world, I mean we can sure get guns and tanks and naval ships every where! There are even cards measuring every oyster! I mean really! There are satellites circling in space, taking picture of the earth. And it is not that rich man with the money in his pocket that placed that satellite there, the money moved the resource un-equally, but it did not physically move that resource, what has been dictated is a metaphysical idea imposed as a picture in the mind that that money created that satellite, this is, in all common sense NOT what actually, physically happened here, as a movement to place that satellite up there in space. This satellite could just as well been placed there within a system where all life was supported, because the hands of men are here, these hands have been developing what is here to enable that satellite to come into existence, for generations. Metaphysical mind is a new term for superstition, all fancied up and used in higher education for some glorifying nuance that is actually shades of grey of separation in the world of shadowy illusion, the metaphysical tool of the mind made bigger than life.
So, this disgust is my separation into self interest because I believed someone else was doing this, thus it means it’s okay for me. This is, “ Let’s open Pandora’s box together and play metaphysical dress up with separation into and as energy, let’s impose a fantasy on the physical world, a limited one at that, and cut our noses off despite our face”
The problem is that here is no such thing as win and lose, the action and belief of this means separation from here, from communication in common sense of what supports all life, where what is supportive, really supportive of self is supportive of all on earth. Thus there is only a win-win scenario within providing what is necessary for a dignified life for all of existence. And the means for this are here. This is life having a real free will, a will of itself as the substance of self, being free, and this is the nature of life, mind in place as the tool that it is, that which takes a metaphysical picture of life, but is not life, thus does the actual physical world show us the outflows of our perception, allowing us to self realize ourselves in equality and oneness in and as life. What the human has done is gotten lost in the action of the mind as the metaphysical image mechanism. It was only the desire to be a “god” that turned the mind/image maker into a reality.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that if I encounter self interest , as fear of loss, that I then have the right to join the game, because if you are doing it than it is okay for me to do so also.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand immediately how I have judged another as acting in self interest, to stop and not allow myself to become disgusted which means I have already also become a judgement instead of becoming one and equal to the separation as a separation from common sense, and to within this to breath and take the principle of oneness and equality, of what is best for all is best for self, and to direct myself accordingly.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the moment I imagined escaping punishment as a child, and joining the behaviors of separation as what my parents had learned and existed as, I joined in the game of win and lose, energetic polarities of separation as a total package that is an outcome of loss, yet the immediate outcome appeared to be a win, which was in essence a superficial win, as the eventual outcome would be death.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the disgust was myself that I then projected onto my parents, as I became a justifying state as a feeling in and as glee, as I had only won a momentary reprise from punishment, beginning a slow death into existing as fear, a fear of loss.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that this is the past, and not myself here, and thus judging myself , and/or continuing to allow this as an adult, is unacceptable.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to spite myself and the world around me, I enter the game of separation and become disgusted, wanting all around me to suffer the same.
I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing myself to project disgust onto another, to when and as I realize what i am doing, as I remain in and as breath, here, I stop and I do not allow myself to become a habituated behavior learned in childhood in protection and defense in and as becoming a lie.
I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to compare one thing against another, using a value system of limitation from common sense of physical reality, as what was taught within my cultural upbringing, where when I find myself judging one thing as more than I go into a behavior of self disgust/inferiority and or judge something as less than where i project disgust onto that which I judge as less than and allow myself to feel superior through glee , all of this a protection defense mechanism to remain within what is believed to maintain survival within a system of inequality.
I commit myself to realizing within and as every breath, what I accept and allow in every moment here, to realize that any emotion in and as disgust is myself not wanting to stand one and equal to what is here, rejecting equality and oneness, communication with life, as I am allowing a belief, based in an image from a past as mind to be what is real.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that judgement is an imposition in and as comparison of a more than and a less than categorized value of reality according to what was learned to enable my own status maintenance to survive where I would react in a projected disgust towards what was taught as less than, and also, a self disgust for separating from equality and oneness in and as myself as life.

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Monday, December 3, 2012

Day 224 Internal Conversations Dimension: Apprehension Character

1/52
1/52 (Photo credit: alicethewhale)
Internal Conversation/Backchat/Voices In the Head Dimension

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when I start biting my finger nails, I am anticipating and apprehending “What If” scenarios in and as my mind based on my past, becoming a state of dis-ease and fear, with the words following suit, conversations voicing a fear of loss and/or a hope of gain, the perpetual loop from the fear of loss as the negative to the hope of gain as the positive, a fantasy world/word as an act of energy, where actually being here, investigating this world and findingsolutions, is mired in ambiguous possibilities without actual, detailed understanding as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that becoming a conversation in and as my mind without looking at how this world works, leads to spinning around in uncertainty and non directive behaviors, such as nail biting, as no solution can be found in separation from what is here- which is how this present system functions and how this earth as nature functions - thus if no solution is to be found, an understanding of what is here is not understood, where this state of lack of understanding and lack of direction is self abdication as life, a misalignment of what supports life absolutely.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have such “what if” thoughts as “ What if I lose my income,” or “What if I lose my home,” or “What if I cannot pay my bills,” or “ What if I can no longer support my family,” or “ What if I lose my “face value” as what I use to remain within my society as income, as ignorant compliance - in religious beliefs, socio-economic group values, peer relationship interactions, gender role play -relationship as how I define myself here”
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to, within this, remain fixed in conversation with singular relationships in an as the words in my head, as consciousness, that bear no witness to what is physically here and how this here functions, as I have been taught to remain within the mind as consciousness, as thought a guide, an image machine of imprinted profit generating dictates resonantly poisoning and consuming my flesh as I have allowed myself to separate from myself as life into being defined through relationships instead of what is one and equal in what sustains, which is the substance of life, that which gives as what is best for all absolutely, where earth is the eye of the needle to realize this, and this a place for man to become what is best for all, to realize self as life, as this is the value.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the voices in and as my mind are always about relationships, as this has become what I move as here, in support of myself, thus existing within a face value as presentation of myself to survive, ignoring myself as life, abdicating myself as life, where myself as life is absolutely directive within what is best for all.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting dramatic imaginations that are in self interested validation, or self interested abdication in hiding from facing what i have accepted and allowed as ignorance of directing myself as life in self honesty, conversation such as, “ Why has she/he not called me?”, “ Why can’t these people make up their minds?” , What is she/he trying to hide?”, all of these questions of spite and blame, as they are in self interest within survival within personal gain.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become apprehension as the behavior of the voices in my mind are pointing to, an accepted religion of self interest within survival only and thus myself in lack of awareness, this awareness being self honesty within what is best for all, where within this present profit based system standing in self honesty means facing the fear of loss in others.

I commit myself to temper myself within, to realign myself to what is best for all, through realizing that the voices in and as my mind are indicators of my fear of loss, of what I fear I lack, as all internal conversation is self blame, as the voice of what self fears losing as a belief that a relationship defines self, which is a fantasy in separation from what is here, as it is only here, one and equal to this physical world as life, that interaction with life exists, as the physical, as alignment with what is real, which is composed of all life, the point of cross referenced effective communication and thus a living proof of what is best for all, as this would be common sense as life expressing itself.

I commit myself to stop and breath, when and as I find myself carrying on a conversation in and as my mind, to return here, to what is physical, to direct myself to communicate, which at the moment means realizing that all life has value, with all of existence as the physical here.