Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Day 239 Behavior Dimension : Victim Character

Behavior Dimension : Victim Character

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand what I am reacting as physically within and as judgement as the movement from a judgement of less than to more than in and as the mind, as consciousness, as an act of separation from equality and oneness as life, into a projection of myself as a personality, wherein I fragment reality losing focus of this actual physical world, as the present system of inequality distorting through limited values made huge instead of directing myself in equality and oneness here, focusing on what is real as the physical world, that which supports me as life, as what I am one and equal to.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this memory of myself standing and facing my friend sitting within a new group of girls, and no longer having to do with me, at that moment as this image as this memory, with energetic emotions and feelings, as personifications as what I believed myself to be within self judgement, as being less, as having lost something, as I judged myself less because I did not have what this new group of girls offered, and within this going into a belief that the values my friend was following were of less value that other values one could follow, where this in itself was a judgement of same nature, in separation as I made myself superior and the actions of my friend inferior, as a reaction to myself feeling less than as I compared, ignoring what was happening within existence and remained in judgement in and as my mind.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the sinking, falling, inner crying, like a sinking down from my head through my chest was a self accepted and allowed emotion of having no value, of being worthless, of losing something within a belief in a face value within society, that in reality bore no witness to the actual physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this feeling, sensation of falling, sinking, inner crying, my breath became labored, and heavy, uneasy and difficult, and within this a “holding in: of myself - so to speak- as I was embarrassed that someone might see me having a care that my friend had abandoned me for a “cooler group”, where I within and as myself judged myself on the same values that drove my friend to join the group.

Within this, I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that this physical behavior was a reaction to a limited perception of reality, a morality, as a collection of values taught as judgements that enabled survival within a system that did not in fact understand the workings of consciousness as a separation into and as energy playing out values of more than and less than, of superiority and inferiority, as polarities of inequality, an act of spite and blame, causing friction and conflict within myself, this being a separation from equality and oneness with the actual real forgiving physical world as creation, as life, as simply being here, communicating with and as life here, equal and one to all the dimensions of expression as life, here.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that there are no values of worth and unworth of myself as life, unless I accept and allow them, as I am life here, able to focus and direct myself, in practical common sense of this physical world, where myself as life, cannot be lost, where myself as life can only exist within equality and oneness with what is real, as the physical through utilizing common sense of the physical as what is best for all is best for self.

I commit myself to breathing, to when and as I notice this physical reaction of falling/sinking/ diminishing as a movement within myself as energy, to stop, breath, and become the correction of myself here, realizing that this whole mapping out of a hierarchy and placement of myself within such, was as moving as belief in a more than and less than, into energy, a distraction and separation from actual physical , equal and one living, from becoming aware of myself as life, participating with what is real as the physical.

I commit myself to , when and as I find myself reliving this same physical behavior, to stop and to breath, to simply remain here,  within practical physical existence, to stop participation in and as the mind that exists within relationships defining myself, and to realign myself to myself as life, to direct myself to focus myself here, equal and one with and as the physical in common sense.

No comments:

Post a Comment