Day 847 Letting go and letting be.

As happens at times, I will read an explanation of something that I have read before but my interpretation will be different. I will suddenly see another dimension of something. It is a process of acceleration in that one is processing what is here, be it a physical thing, or a piece of information. One recognizes the patterns or, requires less to process the overall form. In that moment something comes forward around the form. It is a process of being able to hold something and look at it from different angles while at the same time relating that to the greater whole. 

I can see where distractions in so many forms in today’s world can slow this process way down, that in itself consuming attention to the extent one is caught in maintenance and dealing with the outer world. It is actually a form of psychological war-fare. Demonizing one thing at the expense of others, is what we do when we ignore the physical, this earth. The illusion of some far off god is really a crime against life, especially when the principle in all religions is to give as one would receive,  which means to respect all things, to look at, or connect with, or recognize all things, which requires being present and here. Here is a physical reality. That reality requires the fabric of it to support it. The whole idea that we humans must pay to exist is probably one of the biggest slight-of-hands ever created!  Do trees pay to exist? Do deer pay to exist?  Are we paying to exist because we are participating in raping the resources without consideration of the environment? Are we actually paying for the abuse we are participating within? Like we are paying to rape this earth because we know we are raping this earth and as such our payment is basically a punishment for the rape we allow within and as every product we purchase without thought and recognition of where that product exists from in all the necessary steps of its creation? 

The extent to which we/I have created some ideology, resonant within, that there is some higher state of being, on/in/of some distant “ space” where a higher “ self “ will eventually come to be is an illusion, a distraction, a lie. 

I read a comment where someone was holding such a concept within them and speaking it out with such certainty is was astounding.  It is stagnant in a way, because it is a belief which has a bit of truth to it, that this person has a “ higher” self that is somewhere out there, and will eventually be the place this person will go to, meaning that higher self being  a state that can only exist somewhere else. I can just see the focus of the body and the attention in the eyes not being present, a huge resonant bubble of belief, in the form of a vortex and/or film around the body of this person writing. I suppose we cannot unsee what we have seen. To some extent, I remember my father having a dinner party with “ ghost busters” years and years ago, where it was said in a moment that heaven could not be trusted. A few years later, I experienced a moment where I realized everything I knew was a lie. Existence took up a lot of my time, and yet, in moments, I would purchase books looking for descriptions of my experiences. In once instance it took about ten years but I finally found it. That book became a treasure to me because I kept this part of myself to myself. When I began to speak up about it, I would shake so bad it was incredible to me. It brought forward other questions. Too bad this was not realized when I was young, yet I am thankful for some recognition at the moment. It is, overall, less painful to speak up than to remain in hiding. 

There must be very deep roots within me, as resonant constructions, of a fear of speaking against that imagined “ god.” There is also the realization that a steadiness can be created, or allowed to let be, as standing and speaking up in focus of reality here, and at the same time in recognition of the fractionalized separation into limited and stagnant processing of information - this which has a quality, or temper, or feel to it. The words must be aligned to the living flesh as this living resource called earth. This earth is the real magic in action. The over-use of the imagination into a layered picture show creates a vortex of separation from being focused here in this practical living reality. When I get to this point there remains a part of me that wants to weep in sheer shame of my own rejection of life. These cycles or time loops of belief within me. 

When my husband died, when I found him, a part of my inner statement to myself as what I was being was that something so magnificent could be lost. How could I have such a thought unless I realized it within myself? The next thought being that I could never tell a lie again and that the process of walking that would be very long and very hard! Had the pieces of space that had come through the cracks of my own resonant storm accumulated to the extent I had then accelerated the process simply in making the choice to do so? And how could one cause the same in others? Because ultimately the patterns are the same, and self realization is what each and everyone desires.

I am writing this out to realize more of what it means to stand as a living word. A relationship to what is here in the practical, as in realizing that I am life and that this life is physical - with some recognition at the same time that our systems at present, consume our attention through so many invisible ideologies. A virus is invisible, and in many accounts has never been seen. Our “ gods” are invisible. Our natural world is filled with some invisible evil - this a distraction from a realization that we are the physical, which cannot really be owned but by some idea. Our latest war was based on an idea of terrorism. Where to hide the truth but in plain sight, through projecting the blame onto some unnamed, anonymous entity? That gives a lot of grey area to play in. So many things are general instead of specific. Even our school systems base their program selections on studies done in isolation using practices established from other studies done long ago and that are unable to be duplicated. How many parents actually investigate this when looking at what their schools are doing in detail?  If one goes to a school committee meeting there is basically no one there - myself having been a parent who did not attend such meetings. The meetings themselves formulated in a way where a speaker has a limited amount of time to make a case. This a necessity because so many of us are emotional and our processing speeds are stagnant so it takes an effort to speak up. Emotional speaking is a lot like being in a soup. It is no wonder children begin to play with that soup and manipulate to no longer trigger a reaction from that resonant storm. I mean, compare this to the realization that children are not born racist or sexist or classicist ! Would such beliefs within slow down a natural ability of pattern recognition? 

As well, this contrast within being able to organize things, meaning to get all the necessary things in order to complete a task. We have all done such things, as cooking or gardening is such a process. 

When things become complicated most likely there are some unprocessed beliefs getting in the way of walking a process to accomplish a goal. What is necessary in such a situation is to purify and realign one’s words, to remove the polarized beliefs of value that exist in a form or protection and defense for manipulating that resonant state of ideologies separate from reality. They are there determining one’s movement and distracting one from realizing what is of stability and constancy,  what requires no remembering, what is an ease of knowing. 

If our words are clear, our intentions are more clear and as such, more able to be heard. This would take time and repetition, not so much to memorize the information, more to experience something that as I see it at the moment, to experience something that cannot be unseen. Something that enables one to recognize one’s attention to limited relationships, evident in the limited and stagnant moving utterances from a human locked in being way up their in an over-used imagination causing separation and fragmentation in their presence. 

What I ask myself is why I have had realization that nothing can define me but what I allow, mostly realized in moments with others where I suddenly realized what they were saying did not define who and what I am, and, even feeling incensed that such an attempt would be made, which is another form of distraction in itself! A deep anger at this, something I think I absorbed from my father - his degree of caring on another level being evident in certain moments of insight - funny how there is a correlation between the extent to which someone is reactive and the opposite potential of being incredibly insightful in other moments. 

There is space here, and that space allows one to process things. Within that space there is more space to realize an awareness of more than limited thinking as one’s shield of protection and defense in a moment. I supposed there is an underlying horror of becoming a spaced out, slow moving thing as a personality. Why this is coming up in this moment with such words, may be from some distant memory. Within my own anxieties is a sense of being strung out into some stagnant thing that has me feeling like I will be buried in a coffin, one of that same anonymous invisible design. And this before any value judgements where developed according to the environment in which I was born. 

I can see where understanding this would lead to greater patience, and allow more fun to be utilized in relation to standing more as a beacon of stability, of constancy and calm. I can see where this understanding would lessen a fear of facing limitation and realizing that an insistence and intensity in a focus of a person would be more realized as something that cannot define myself here, and at the same time realizing that buried in that is a potential that is projected outside of the self ( to keep it safe?) and to realize how to walk that back into recognition and self acceptance. This, done with a steady kindness, because it is understood into a form of knowing without an attachment of a fear of loss of such ability.  I look at kindness because in some ways, what i know as aggressive behavior is somehow not where I want to go. I liken it to playing a video game where one must become silent and watch the patterns before moving the figure through the revolving door in the video game.  It is like playing music, one listens, gets the tempo and joins - and not in a rushed or aggressive way. One just slides right in! 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being caught in a resonant construction of limited and spaced out and stagnant information.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being caught in a box, a resonant storm of energy, of and as an elevation of “thought.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separation myself from myself in relation to avoiding being stuck in a resonant box, making such a thing a huge thing, and as such running from such a thing, instead of standing in equality and oneness with and as my perception to see realize and understand that which would ground the moment in ways that diminish or dis-spell such a state of being.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear such a thing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to hide from such.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel overwhelmed in relation to addressing or being exposed to such a thing, making it larger than life, instead of standing in recognition of such a thing to dis-spell the spell that is a projection from within the physical body of the person.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be paranoid of the paranormal. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to run from such a resonant entity, and to then pretend I did not understand such a thing, when there within this I already knew that I had allowed this, and could therefore blame no one but myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to remember the desire I had that motivated such a movement to create such an inner resonant body that I pretended was following me yet knew was already within and from me, as the focus in the memory  was more of an idea of a holy ghost in the machine as a thing - to run from. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be occupied by these ideas, and within that to not see realize and understand that means of my own distraction, as I hide in fear of my own construction, as realizing what the motivating desire was within that initial movement.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand the extent with this, in and as a fear of confrontation, when in effect, I have actually seen this to the extent in a moment I realized that nothing could define myself here but what I allowed where in that moment, I realized that everything, everything I had been lead to believe was a lie, and within that to not see realize and understand what that meant in reality, in relation to the present system.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand and recognize that sense of what I call being “ loopy” which is telling in itself because that is in essence what i am doing, within and as looping around in a belief, instead of grounding myself here and speaking up in recognition that we are physical, that what is here is us, that nature is us, that it is creation, where this is realized because if this were NOT reality, why are the powers that be attempting to own this earth?

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I as life can be hurt, within and as the realization that only that which is life within us remains, which cannot be owned but by acceptance and allowance.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand, as my beingness, as myself that I am life here, and as such am able to cross reference all things and stand in recognition of all things, considering the consequences of every action within me, to bring what is constant and stable and eternal here where this focus of and as me speaks in ways that open acceptance and recognition of the physical reality as this is life here.

I commit myself to breath, to play, to slow down, to read here, to let go of resistances and process movements here, recognizing my own words and the word constructions of others, as we can only speak our experience.

I commit myself to letting go and letting be for a moment, and listening to what can with stand the test of time, here within and as a practical cross reference and investigation of all things building relationships equal and one in recognition of the physical as life in expression here.

Day 842 Facing confrontation to bring what is potent forward.

There is this tiredness within me. It is a residual physical sense of wanting to escape , as though doing is too tiresome. 

The other day Iearned a new dance move. I had to slow way down and practice that movement very very slowly. I had to change up my focus and break down the moving parts to place them and then incorporate more and more of the movement. I know a certain focus can allow one to do this. In today’s world it takes one’s will to be able to change up perspective and change up one’s focus on things other than an automated movement generated by value judgements about the past. 

A thought can happen, a value judgement. Unless that value judgement is changed, it sits within one. IT must be resolved before one can take the next step. This is because a thought can accumulate. If one meets the same situation again, and this past comes up, and one does not immediately address it, it remains and then begins to build.

It is similar to recognizing something in the environment and then suddenly seeing it everywhere. One is focused on that, at the expense of seeing others things. If we are conceptually processing things very slowly, we can get stuck in that sudden acknowledgement of something in reality. This compounds because we limit our awareness, we shut ourselves down from seeing other things as well. We are focusing on a picture instead of being present. This happens because we ignore imbalances in the reality around us because we want to “ get a long and go along” ostensibly to survive. In the long run, this backfires. There is only once choice, the choice to do no harm. The human ability to recognize patterns is natural and great. Thus, to suppress that recognition takes a lot of work. That builds and causes more disconnect from reality, our choice to ignore. The choice of ignorance remains, and then we have to hold onto the lies, our ignorance, to maintain it, because we are ashamed to have hidden our ability to recognize patterns, because that is the same ability that can recognize the choices we make that cause harm. 

Of course it is good to focus on singular things for a moment, to incorporate them. Yet, in this temporal spatial reality, it is important to cross reference the greater whole. When I learned this new dance move, once I felt confident and focused in a way that I learned it pretty quickly, I took notice of other things beyond that rudimentary movement. I went to ensure that my head was not locked in one position, or that my arms did not move in one way only. I played with the movements of them, even exaggerating the movements of the other parts of my body to realize the extent of the boundaries. I purposely “ opened “ it up. I added some play to the dance move. 

Conversely, when facing a lie, or suppression is a great pattern recognition ability, that time and space, like playing music, has infinite space between movements! Thus when a person takes a long time to share a story, as the emotional value is bigger than the ability to see directly,  there is infinite space to play with the form. What hinders this is myself being the same, being spaced out in emotion - because this is what emotional feeling values are and do in relation to the focus of the body. The process of focusing through emotion, spaces things out. The process of practicing being more directed by emotion, leads to a compound effect of a feeling. That looks like a person is standing in what I call a state of constant shock. The management of the emotional practice compounding into the feeling that generates that loss of spatial ability or a real stagnant movement of conceptualizing, has this field of a tight resonance to it, where the focus of the body appears to be at attention, a stress ‘ ness to the field of vision,  that looks like all that sense that is great at recognizing patterns is focused on managing the emotions. The way a person speaks, probably down to the slightest detail, some I do not yet know, will show exactly to what degree a person is actually doing this. If one is answering to this, one is caught in this reductionist conceptual trap and will be swayed by that emotional attention. Interesting how the word attention sounds like a tension, because that is what it is. It lacks an ease - the focus of the body is on emotional maintenance. This is the outcome as a creation, of having told lies, of having ignored the physical practical living reality that is the means of this life. It is a movement in the space, a tension in the space, one’s innocence the absence of that “ a-tension.” If we practice ignorance, we can master this. It is somewhat like the behavior of sociopaths, or it is that sociopathic behavior. The first aggression is difficult, the subsequent aggressions get easier and easier. Pretty soon, one is locked into an emotional firewall, a resonant storm that appears normal, and with which one is comfortable. The problem is that this human state of being is destroying not only the body, but the physical earth as well. Transformation is the  option, because more of the same, as destruction, is remaining on the path that has lead to where we are today. 

We must begin to realize how we are using language, how we are forming ourselves as our focus, within the very sounds we are self generating from and with and as our bodies. This is why it is noted that it is important to be aware of our thought, word and deed. What we generate as each one, will determine our lives and the lives that are us in another life, as this physical creation called earth. Every movement is important.  One must recognize the patterns of the language. To do this, one must have a certain degree of mastery of the language, because language in itself as a form of dance with life. How we use our words will determine the very FOCUS of ourselves. A greater language development also helps us delineate the space and time happening around us. When we know it, we can open up our presence to incorporate more things, because we are not having to think about what we are going to say. And, by extension, we can catch our thinking, those things that we allowed and never stopped to correct. If we know something we no longer have to “ think” about it as much, we can expand.  Knowing the language helps is to recognize our focus, and by extension, help us to expand our presence. Would our presence open to that which existed before we built a resonant emotional/feeling body that consumes our attention and holds the cause of our separation from presence, that state of a child that learns more rapidly, that is eventually lost by the third grade because we isolate our children from reality within sending them into an isolated environment where the teachers themselves get lost in a political bubble of a school to the extent that the principle often spends a lot of their time attempting to manage jealousy between the teachers themselves? For example, if one teacher begins to show an effect in her students that surpasses the other teachers, the principle will suggest that teacher “ dumb” it down so that that principle need not have to answer to the complaints of the other teachers? Yes, this actually happens. I have personally experienced this. And yes, I was astounded - and realized that my own state of being astounded was an ignorance on my part. There are always solutions. The unacceptable is never an answer! 

Children who are not doing well in school, simply lack the practice of delineating time and space, of which language is a means to be and do. Already, if a child takes a long time to explain something, as they search for the words, the moment passes and the focus is lost. The consequence is a feeling of a lost opportunity. This is really about the overall focus of the body, because we have to focus our bodies in order to speak the words. Do we give our children time and space to do this, or do we rush them along, because we adults have forgotten that we ourselves lack security in formulating words? Do we expect our children to formulate our words, which involves moving the body, in the way that we as parents do because we are in a rush? They then become us, because this is what is experienced in their immediate environment. Then we wonder why they have not moved past us into a greater development!  While we learned, we lacked slowing down and assessing the moving parts into the greater whole. How can a child learn to do this if it is not shown to them and if the emotional fire-wall existence from a lack of recognition because of a self suppression of a natural ability is all that is in their environment? One must always cross reference the greater whole. Which is cool because it regulates the extent to which one has incorporated a new awareness which is more a movement of problem solving that moving into an ignorance that causes a rush of an idea of survival instead of developing real creative and constructive thinking skills. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that the moment I feel a deep tiredness is a moment when I allow myself to be overwhelmed.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that a moment of feeling deeply tired is a moment of believing things are too much.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand within this, that it is not so much what is said as how something is said.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the extent to which energy is motivating movement, which has a quality of limitation because of a lack of being grounded and present, here, in this reality, where one can reference the gaps of recognition of words, or DWORS, that open a more settled groundedness.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how stories are a means to an end, because within and as being separated from what is real, as this creation as this earth, involves separation held together by ideas, beliefs and opinions, composed in a pattern in itself, as stories, with a rise and a fall, a conflict within more than, and less than, good and bad, right and wrong instead of being present in creation, as the expression of life, as the physical, as humanity must respect the trees, a most perfect form that covers so many needs within and as a construction in expression that supports all life on earth, and of which is a means to further expression, thus what is here is us, and of a technology far greater than anything mankind has created, and overall why reinvent the wheel? 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and  understand that despite working on facing limitation, there exists within me a fear of confrontation, and yet again and again I have faced " confrontation" and moved myself towards addressing confrontation, within and as listening to the storied information, and realizing the expression as a form, and then moving beyond being in an end game, as a belief, towards grounding the story, using story to change up the focus, to lend structure, through realizing detail while at the same time, remaining present in consideration of all things here as this life, where life itself is physical and always here, in plain sight as life would be and do as life would have no reason to hide, in some alternate separate reality, as a construct called " heaven."

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react in anger, as anger is fear, anger is a rejection of problem solving, of being present, and realizing the energetic movements as a story of separation, or of a time spread out, a measure, where the focus is absent of recognition of the practical physical forms here that is the creation of life manifest, so evident in the present media system that is a constant, as management of separation must be a constant because this is how great the presence of life is and does, the distractions must remain constant, and even within this, seeing through the cracks to the life that is here as the physical is a constant opportunity.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move into shame, within and as realizing the extent to which I ignored life, and separated from being present and giving, in the recognition that I am life, and that life is always here in plain sight, as the very nature of life is for-giving.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the veil is indeed thin, and that it must be possible to realize the veil and the life that is here as creation as the physical, so great is the ability of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that a resistance to confrontation is fear, and fear is false evidence appearing real.

I commit myself to walk in breath, to slow down and to face storied emotional fire-walls, to for give the gift of life here, that which is creation and a constant here, which is physical and in plain sight - hence to  embrace constant distraction from what is known and simply covered, yet can be un-covered to the extent that earth is transformed into realizing all things, taking the good, and ensuring no harm.

I commit myself to moving within this, in every moment, as a pace, of and as being in awe of opening up what is natural and has always been here in plain sight.

I commit myself to within this, as another point has opened up, within and as a sense of a block behind my neck, where I can sense a stiffness, and a " force" as that moving me, as though, or as - without the though! lol- ( I am having FUN within this! ) I within this anger and fear-of-confrontation point, hold onto being suspect or cautious, within and as facing confrontation, which is simply like facing a new musical piece or ideology, a construction, of which without the hesitation or expectation-of-harm, the way forward is to let go and at the same time, expect the unexpected and the ability to face this and learn, or expand in awareness, even within and as making mistakes, to generate a pace that has fun letting go and finding solutions within and as realizing separation and refocusing into what is natural and always here as life in expression that is physical and in plain sight here.

I commit myself to move at a steady pace, within and as my beingness, here, to practice, step by step, every small move, to build a model of being present and in respect of this life here, as life, as becoming the living recognition of life, which is always here, in plain sight as life would not hide as the nature of life would be visible as that is forgiving in great joy.