DAY 855 Working on opening the chest of potential as movement within living words.

Here again today I am aware of this “ thickness” in my chest area. This week, in moments of calm, I noticed how distracting thinking is and does? How the movement of the body is more able to respond within realizing solutions - especially within uncovering and connecting within more universal truths, or early acknowledged problems. One is more vulnerable in such a state and sees beyond politically projected belief systems. 

I realize in some respects that finding a point of vulnerability is in itself a greater willingness to face and resolve problems. I can see where going into or forming things in such a way that another is in a more vulnerable state of something I greatly feared - as though such a thing is a taboo. Yet, it is where one is softer, more pliable and therefore more able to LOOK. Allowing vulnerability is opening up changeability- that state of focus the very means of change. I find myself wanting to “ hold” this yet that is the same that leads to a loss of that of which I am speaking. 

It also almost feels like waking up to allow real feeling, and that such that appears to be a place to not go to, is the very same means to open up and remember joy, to re-member PLAY. This also feels unbelievable, or something suppressed. It reminds me of realizing that fear is an illusion. Like there was something there all along that was really a nothing - leaving a sort of neutral shock in its place. It is to  say that chaos blinded simplicity.  Is this a self catching a running train of protections that once realized have no substance? Is this why this appears to be something of such slight difference? In contrast it reveals projections that imbalance the body being the thin-king that they exist within and as? 

There is also a sense that I remember having while walking down a Zurich street back in 1998-1999 of and as “ everything is going to be okay.”  It is to say that discovery is gentle and is absent of an excitatory bling. It is to say a power-vortex has no real power. Somehow, the difference is not YET as clear as it might be but this may be the contrast of having lived in separation.  It is like coming home is great because it has no fanfare. One is simply in grace and that is the real power. Letting go and letting be without apprehension. 

I also sense that I am in a space where a conditioned bounce back wants to happen. There is this constant drive into tension within my chest area. I have been here before. It must be named more clearly, the directions moved as, expressed as able to face the unknown and as the same time have no worry in doing so, or laughing at falling down, much like a child learning to walk. Habits are programming, and programming was practiced and built/accepted/allowed. It is running on automatic - much like our present administrative and government systems. Perhaps those working on change do not realize the extent to which programming is blind to itself. Asking that to stand up and self realize, especially when money determines life is like talking to a huge resonant wall. One must stand equal to it. And one must stand with authority, which has a manner that is sound and stable. It can be heard through the storm - which means it must be said more than three times and consistently, like the 21 day rule for changing a habit.  lol, were school units usually of a duration of three weeks? The system uses the known to program limited and compartmentalized thin-king.  It creates a state of selective reasoning. It becomes a “ state of being.” We do have many talking about the deep state, or statism. How about becoming earthism? which is heartism? They are the same letters. Divide and conquer is done through an ever-so-slight pulling of information threads. It is why the “ veil” is considered to be thin. lol

And this is what it feels like in the body, in my chest, like there are threads pulling my shoulders forward slightly causing a form of a concave chest area. There’s also some pressure around my head, like a cap - lol a caption. Like I said the difference is slight and composed of symbols.  As some have said, we will know them by their symbols. I remember while being in a classroom and this one student staring into space was looking at a screen of subtle neon-like lights. I shut down and walked away. I had no idea how to deal with this at that time- the point here was that it was a bunch of symbols and figures moving around on a projected screen. I mean, what does it mean to sense real movement? Or to model real movement? That question came up so I wrote it out! 

What does it mean to walk with authority, the kind that opens doors without a need for recognition? This makes me want to cry, as a sense of having lost a joy. Like, if I walk in joy, I will be shut down, as it is not allowed.  The sense of wanting to cry being more a loss of this than  and an apology for having given up in some way, or an apology to myself …., and my husband. Deep down it is more that I must forgive myself- that it is okay, that everything is going to be alright. I can walk in joy, I can stop the bounce back into protection or rather “ not upsetting the status quo of separation.” It means to let be and to let go and to recognize running from and running to as being separate from a natural capacity to be present and process what is here. it is okay to be grounded, it is okay to be in recognition of potential and that which is separate from potential.  It is okay to NOT participate in the illusion of bling. It is okay to upset webs without causing harm. Reactions are okay, like the famous “ forgive them for they know not what they do,” or “ care but not that much.” It is okay to LOOK. It is okay to stand using natural senses, as this is necessary to sense the outlines of separate divisions that are of limitation. It is okay to be present and sense this living space.

It is like standing up and falling down, standing up and falling down, standing up and falling down again and again and again, and feeling so tired within doing this. Also, a bit like there is no other place to go but to stand up and fall down as long as it takes. That in itself becomes a belief, limiting focus of the greater whole. This is creating this warm falling sensation in my chest, a warmth of and as it is okay, embrace this and stop seeing ONLY this habit of and as a belief in standing up and falling down, again and again. It is NOT overwhelming to realize this and sense beyond it. In contrast, there is a constant that has a nurturing quality to it, and that is greater than the excitatory sense of having won something. It is like a deep nurturing characteristic of the feminine is absent, that same movement that can simply say sit and the dog will sit.   There is “ here.”  Nothing can define this unless by allowance, here is constant. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel tired in relation to expressing myself in relation to what exists around me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that things are impossible, which in itself is a distraction within and as focusing here, in the practical in the physical reality that is life in expression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that being is a series of standing up and falling down ONLY.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live this movement that is in reality a form of self pity, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that living in joy, within and as processing the information around me, as that which is limited and of separation from life and that which is here in plain sight as the practical living reality that is physical is not allowed - lol, “ allowed” sound like “ hollowed.” 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to feel

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that death is actually possible, as things are forms and functions, expressions and movements, and though yes, this physical form that  is me, changes, what is real as life, remains, as that is potential of and as creation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself onto thinking only.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to participate within and as what is a false power vortex, as a state of separation from the living reality into and as a limited set body of symbols/ideologies/resonant constructs/imaginations/fantasies/addictions/beliefs etc.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to feel here, to remember here, to respect all things as the physical reality, as this earth, and all that composes this physical living reality called earth

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the depth to which resources of the earth are mis-used to feed an ideological resonant storm of selective reasoning, serving a few, without regard for life, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand the extent to which the present system and the technology manifesting that system are a reflection of what humans have accepted and allowed within and as them, here, where the present economic system abuses freely given resources to feed a very limited storied construction lacking recognition of consequences and as such allows an outflow of great instability, causing the friction of polarization manifest as a projection separate from practical living physical reality, here that is lacking in substance and of which consumes the flesh.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear speaking up with specificity about how a Mind Consciousness System is a mind in division of and as resonant constructions layered into the conscious, subconscious, unconscious, quantum mind, quantum physical mind and the physical mind and the beingness programming, which makes sense because what we allow to express us would layer, as we suppress that which is out of sync with this living physical reality, causing blindness as suppression of real sentience, of real seeing here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to stop suppressing real seeing, within and as recognizing my own behaviors of and as a scattered selective reasoning of limited values, that create energy instead of real livings s being focused and in respect of all things here. 

When and as I find myself becoming tense, becoming tension, of which I slow down and cross reference, with every breath, to read what is here, as the words, to stabilize the words, and model recognition of life, within and as behaviors of grounding myself here, manifest as defining the space, and realizing what balances and lends a self direction of discovery of what has been suppressed through scattered selective reasoning that is heaviness causing and polarizing gaslighting the space here, all an illusion and what may be directed into recognition to then discover a natural ability to be present and to lead to birthing life into the physical, here.

When and as I find myself becoming tense, within and a s my body and my breathing I stop and I slow down, and I assess my own patterns of selective reasoning as value judgements causing a selective reasoning and focus, and I stop as I embrace my own acceptances and allowances and practice redirecting my focus as I call out by name my own characters, and then to assess what is around me, to bring forward actions that balance out inflammatory behavior running on empty, to ground and stabilize in a moment to then calm the immediate space to them realize potential which often is small, as our potential lacks specificity and structure to express itself and be of giving in an expression of and absolute purpose, to stand one and equal to creation here, to build a life on earth that lives the nature of life of and as absolute purpose which by nature, as I see it in this moment, of and as eternal nurturing where a moment of falling down is fun because it means one is closer to understanding how to move as life here. 

When and as I find myself moving into a persona, one that is deep, from that past, of and as “ I am so tired of standing up and falling down,” I stop and I breath, and I realize this belief as a persona, and I stop and I feel my feet on the ground and I look at how I am handling myself here, and how I am focusing my body, from habit, and I breath and I assess and move towards balance, within and as what lends self discovery and that which opens dwors/as movements as words, that bring awareness of all things here as best I can as though all things are me in another life. 

Day 842 Facing confrontation to bring what is potent forward.

There is this tiredness within me. It is a residual physical sense of wanting to escape , as though doing is too tiresome. 

The other day Iearned a new dance move. I had to slow way down and practice that movement very very slowly. I had to change up my focus and break down the moving parts to place them and then incorporate more and more of the movement. I know a certain focus can allow one to do this. In today’s world it takes one’s will to be able to change up perspective and change up one’s focus on things other than an automated movement generated by value judgements about the past. 

A thought can happen, a value judgement. Unless that value judgement is changed, it sits within one. IT must be resolved before one can take the next step. This is because a thought can accumulate. If one meets the same situation again, and this past comes up, and one does not immediately address it, it remains and then begins to build.

It is similar to recognizing something in the environment and then suddenly seeing it everywhere. One is focused on that, at the expense of seeing others things. If we are conceptually processing things very slowly, we can get stuck in that sudden acknowledgement of something in reality. This compounds because we limit our awareness, we shut ourselves down from seeing other things as well. We are focusing on a picture instead of being present. This happens because we ignore imbalances in the reality around us because we want to “ get a long and go along” ostensibly to survive. In the long run, this backfires. There is only once choice, the choice to do no harm. The human ability to recognize patterns is natural and great. Thus, to suppress that recognition takes a lot of work. That builds and causes more disconnect from reality, our choice to ignore. The choice of ignorance remains, and then we have to hold onto the lies, our ignorance, to maintain it, because we are ashamed to have hidden our ability to recognize patterns, because that is the same ability that can recognize the choices we make that cause harm. 

Of course it is good to focus on singular things for a moment, to incorporate them. Yet, in this temporal spatial reality, it is important to cross reference the greater whole. When I learned this new dance move, once I felt confident and focused in a way that I learned it pretty quickly, I took notice of other things beyond that rudimentary movement. I went to ensure that my head was not locked in one position, or that my arms did not move in one way only. I played with the movements of them, even exaggerating the movements of the other parts of my body to realize the extent of the boundaries. I purposely “ opened “ it up. I added some play to the dance move. 

Conversely, when facing a lie, or suppression is a great pattern recognition ability, that time and space, like playing music, has infinite space between movements! Thus when a person takes a long time to share a story, as the emotional value is bigger than the ability to see directly,  there is infinite space to play with the form. What hinders this is myself being the same, being spaced out in emotion - because this is what emotional feeling values are and do in relation to the focus of the body. The process of focusing through emotion, spaces things out. The process of practicing being more directed by emotion, leads to a compound effect of a feeling. That looks like a person is standing in what I call a state of constant shock. The management of the emotional practice compounding into the feeling that generates that loss of spatial ability or a real stagnant movement of conceptualizing, has this field of a tight resonance to it, where the focus of the body appears to be at attention, a stress ‘ ness to the field of vision,  that looks like all that sense that is great at recognizing patterns is focused on managing the emotions. The way a person speaks, probably down to the slightest detail, some I do not yet know, will show exactly to what degree a person is actually doing this. If one is answering to this, one is caught in this reductionist conceptual trap and will be swayed by that emotional attention. Interesting how the word attention sounds like a tension, because that is what it is. It lacks an ease - the focus of the body is on emotional maintenance. This is the outcome as a creation, of having told lies, of having ignored the physical practical living reality that is the means of this life. It is a movement in the space, a tension in the space, one’s innocence the absence of that “ a-tension.” If we practice ignorance, we can master this. It is somewhat like the behavior of sociopaths, or it is that sociopathic behavior. The first aggression is difficult, the subsequent aggressions get easier and easier. Pretty soon, one is locked into an emotional firewall, a resonant storm that appears normal, and with which one is comfortable. The problem is that this human state of being is destroying not only the body, but the physical earth as well. Transformation is the  option, because more of the same, as destruction, is remaining on the path that has lead to where we are today. 

We must begin to realize how we are using language, how we are forming ourselves as our focus, within the very sounds we are self generating from and with and as our bodies. This is why it is noted that it is important to be aware of our thought, word and deed. What we generate as each one, will determine our lives and the lives that are us in another life, as this physical creation called earth. Every movement is important.  One must recognize the patterns of the language. To do this, one must have a certain degree of mastery of the language, because language in itself as a form of dance with life. How we use our words will determine the very FOCUS of ourselves. A greater language development also helps us delineate the space and time happening around us. When we know it, we can open up our presence to incorporate more things, because we are not having to think about what we are going to say. And, by extension, we can catch our thinking, those things that we allowed and never stopped to correct. If we know something we no longer have to “ think” about it as much, we can expand.  Knowing the language helps is to recognize our focus, and by extension, help us to expand our presence. Would our presence open to that which existed before we built a resonant emotional/feeling body that consumes our attention and holds the cause of our separation from presence, that state of a child that learns more rapidly, that is eventually lost by the third grade because we isolate our children from reality within sending them into an isolated environment where the teachers themselves get lost in a political bubble of a school to the extent that the principle often spends a lot of their time attempting to manage jealousy between the teachers themselves? For example, if one teacher begins to show an effect in her students that surpasses the other teachers, the principle will suggest that teacher “ dumb” it down so that that principle need not have to answer to the complaints of the other teachers? Yes, this actually happens. I have personally experienced this. And yes, I was astounded - and realized that my own state of being astounded was an ignorance on my part. There are always solutions. The unacceptable is never an answer! 

Children who are not doing well in school, simply lack the practice of delineating time and space, of which language is a means to be and do. Already, if a child takes a long time to explain something, as they search for the words, the moment passes and the focus is lost. The consequence is a feeling of a lost opportunity. This is really about the overall focus of the body, because we have to focus our bodies in order to speak the words. Do we give our children time and space to do this, or do we rush them along, because we adults have forgotten that we ourselves lack security in formulating words? Do we expect our children to formulate our words, which involves moving the body, in the way that we as parents do because we are in a rush? They then become us, because this is what is experienced in their immediate environment. Then we wonder why they have not moved past us into a greater development!  While we learned, we lacked slowing down and assessing the moving parts into the greater whole. How can a child learn to do this if it is not shown to them and if the emotional fire-wall existence from a lack of recognition because of a self suppression of a natural ability is all that is in their environment? One must always cross reference the greater whole. Which is cool because it regulates the extent to which one has incorporated a new awareness which is more a movement of problem solving that moving into an ignorance that causes a rush of an idea of survival instead of developing real creative and constructive thinking skills. 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that the moment I feel a deep tiredness is a moment when I allow myself to be overwhelmed.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that a moment of feeling deeply tired is a moment of believing things are too much.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand within this, that it is not so much what is said as how something is said.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the extent to which energy is motivating movement, which has a quality of limitation because of a lack of being grounded and present, here, in this reality, where one can reference the gaps of recognition of words, or DWORS, that open a more settled groundedness.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how stories are a means to an end, because within and as being separated from what is real, as this creation as this earth, involves separation held together by ideas, beliefs and opinions, composed in a pattern in itself, as stories, with a rise and a fall, a conflict within more than, and less than, good and bad, right and wrong instead of being present in creation, as the expression of life, as the physical, as humanity must respect the trees, a most perfect form that covers so many needs within and as a construction in expression that supports all life on earth, and of which is a means to further expression, thus what is here is us, and of a technology far greater than anything mankind has created, and overall why reinvent the wheel? 

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and  understand that despite working on facing limitation, there exists within me a fear of confrontation, and yet again and again I have faced " confrontation" and moved myself towards addressing confrontation, within and as listening to the storied information, and realizing the expression as a form, and then moving beyond being in an end game, as a belief, towards grounding the story, using story to change up the focus, to lend structure, through realizing detail while at the same time, remaining present in consideration of all things here as this life, where life itself is physical and always here, in plain sight as life would be and do as life would have no reason to hide, in some alternate separate reality, as a construct called " heaven."

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react in anger, as anger is fear, anger is a rejection of problem solving, of being present, and realizing the energetic movements as a story of separation, or of a time spread out, a measure, where the focus is absent of recognition of the practical physical forms here that is the creation of life manifest, so evident in the present media system that is a constant, as management of separation must be a constant because this is how great the presence of life is and does, the distractions must remain constant, and even within this, seeing through the cracks to the life that is here as the physical is a constant opportunity.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move into shame, within and as realizing the extent to which I ignored life, and separated from being present and giving, in the recognition that I am life, and that life is always here in plain sight, as the very nature of life is for-giving.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the veil is indeed thin, and that it must be possible to realize the veil and the life that is here as creation as the physical, so great is the ability of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that a resistance to confrontation is fear, and fear is false evidence appearing real.

I commit myself to walk in breath, to slow down and to face storied emotional fire-walls, to for give the gift of life here, that which is creation and a constant here, which is physical and in plain sight - hence to  embrace constant distraction from what is known and simply covered, yet can be un-covered to the extent that earth is transformed into realizing all things, taking the good, and ensuring no harm.

I commit myself to moving within this, in every moment, as a pace, of and as being in awe of opening up what is natural and has always been here in plain sight.

I commit myself to within this, as another point has opened up, within and as a sense of a block behind my neck, where I can sense a stiffness, and a " force" as that moving me, as though, or as - without the though! lol- ( I am having FUN within this! ) I within this anger and fear-of-confrontation point, hold onto being suspect or cautious, within and as facing confrontation, which is simply like facing a new musical piece or ideology, a construction, of which without the hesitation or expectation-of-harm, the way forward is to let go and at the same time, expect the unexpected and the ability to face this and learn, or expand in awareness, even within and as making mistakes, to generate a pace that has fun letting go and finding solutions within and as realizing separation and refocusing into what is natural and always here as life in expression that is physical and in plain sight here.

I commit myself to move at a steady pace, within and as my beingness, here, to practice, step by step, every small move, to build a model of being present and in respect of this life here, as life, as becoming the living recognition of life, which is always here, in plain sight as life would not hide as the nature of life would be visible as that is forgiving in great joy.