Day 856 Walking out from behind the veil of ideas, beliefs, and opinions.

It is astounding how much everything is a math. Within this, to realize the extent of personality that one becomes within and as beliefs, opinions and ideas.  

The other day, I had a conversation with someone close to me. In a moment, I was aware of contradictory statements, and then, a “ state of being” as a personality. It is, though I have heard this before, a movement into a limitation, like holding a belief as a thing, and then in the next jumping into another context. Overall, a cognitive dissonance from the ordinary practical and physical reality that is here, in plain sight. 

The words, changed according to the personality. In one moment it was resisted, or reacted-to in relation to what I was conveying, and then in the next it was admitted to or acknowledged. What I noticed it that as I noted the two entities of belief, as expressed, as a contradiction, the different states of being, like a thing, like a mathematical formula in front of me.

Within this, I could also see that in the past, I would have reacted to the emotional content of one and agreed with the other to appease the initial emotional reaction. lol, at the same time that I write this, I realize that in working with others, I tend to relax when there is agreement, at the expense of covering some limitations that would most probably become a bounce back. Therefor, within this, having a situation where there is seeming agreement, there is also necessity to cover what is not being said. 

I suppose, as a child, seeing a state-of-limitation as a time line of built beliefs, would be a “ pain” in a way, and within myself, a reaction as a movement to move away from, ignore, avoid continuing or creating that tension of limited belief consuming the FOCUS of the body of the person. Yet, the realization that nothing can define a person, would enable one to have empathy as one moving beyond sympathy into real means and ways to allow a self discovery of balance and presence. Somewhat like turning a dial on a magnifying device in ways that uncover a limited and constructed focus of the body. Yet, I have found that uncovering things, when noticed and remembered, one as anything in this reality, there is a need of space process the uncovered, or discovered. Within this, one of the means of limitation is to give no space to actually process one’s experience. It is why, as I have discovered, our present government layer and spread things out, making it easy to hide what is real in plain sight and yet cause distraction to uncover the construct of the whole. Greed is a nasty business, one that kills the parasitical host as well as the victim. This understanding is probably there in the child, as the child enters this superimposed reality in reality. Processing that and learning to live with what is here, requires careful consideration, that one thing that is basically blocked within the demands of a limiting system. But then again, overall, it is like one giant computer game, where one must learn the inherent traps- even when they are spread out.

Yet, this is about inherent contradictions that are visible in a state of jumping beliefs within self interest. Self interest being a math that is separate from the practical and ordinariness of life manifest as the physical. This that would be a state of considering ALL things, FOCUSING the body on recognizing ALL THINGS. Of course, cross referencing all things, would mean to focus in the moment, as here. Focusing on memorized ideas, beliefs and opinions, would be a state of separation from being focused here. And, as humans are happy when they are doing, being focused here, would have a quality to it, one that would be more constant and calm. Most likely, when we are at our best self, the quality of our expression would be that of greater constancy, meaning of less contradiction. Again, it is all a math. 

In this moment, of which I speak, the contradictions as the expressions from this person I was communicating with, were suddenly visible. I, within myself, realized on one level, how influenced I had been by the emotional intensity of this person. And on another level, at the same time, I realized to probably a more defined degree, how much contradictions are so evident. And they appear like a sudden jump in space in time. I also realized, simultaneously, how such could be more directed into seeing the whole and the moving parts - as life is consideration and expression at the same time. And, to had another level of my own inner movements, from being the same, I realized I feared what was said and discussed, with the reactions as beliefs, that more than likely, our conversation would be echoed through a group and spun in such a way that answering to the scattered beliefs would be a ripple effect that I feared “ causing.” As it would be me, in relation to all of this, that the questioning of things would be placed upon. And this, in a way that I had criticized what was basically a belief construct. Something that as personality and limitation would react and be cognitively dissonant from hearing anything else. Thus, addressing those fears is necessary. Especially, when overall, as always, the answer is in noticing the inherent contradictions and balancing them out into common sense. This means facing the storm of limitation. And, as was more visible in this moment, at the end of that day, it is something to be fearless within. A fearlessness that needs no second thoughts, no requirement of recognition, no sense of gain. Any of those things would hide the difference. 

This also helps me to realize in a more substantial way and means that the difference between being present and focused in respect of all things, has a direct correlation to the amount of contradiction in what is said as the very words we speak. Thus, as I said before, it is all a math. And, the focus of the body, within and as accepting limitation, is visible. Moving into what is natural, as something like hearing that grass grow, will take time, and yet most likely open up in a moment as something that was always, in all ways in plain sight, and very natural.  I suppose being able to do that, would also mean one would be able to see one’s own means of separation from that, in a moment. And, know it so well, one would never ever make the choice to return to ignorance. It is that the less one believes one can move one’s self here in this reality, the greater one’s distance is from reality, and the more resonant chaos of ideas, beliefs and opinions one has spinning within one as a false god. The more this is one’s state of being, the more difficult it is to pick up a hammer and hammer in a nail, so distracting is one’s resonant ghost. The potential ensuing verbal drama’s are a form of entertainment, from having played a video game for so long, the focus has a hard time being changeable back into remembering that life is all things, and thus the physical living reality is the starting point of who and what we are as life. It is life in expression and it is here.

Self forgiveness to follow… 

Day 847 Letting go and letting be.

As happens at times, I will read an explanation of something that I have read before but my interpretation will be different. I will suddenly see another dimension of something. It is a process of acceleration in that one is processing what is here, be it a physical thing, or a piece of information. One recognizes the patterns or, requires less to process the overall form. In that moment something comes forward around the form. It is a process of being able to hold something and look at it from different angles while at the same time relating that to the greater whole. 

I can see where distractions in so many forms in today’s world can slow this process way down, that in itself consuming attention to the extent one is caught in maintenance and dealing with the outer world. It is actually a form of psychological war-fare. Demonizing one thing at the expense of others, is what we do when we ignore the physical, this earth. The illusion of some far off god is really a crime against life, especially when the principle in all religions is to give as one would receive,  which means to respect all things, to look at, or connect with, or recognize all things, which requires being present and here. Here is a physical reality. That reality requires the fabric of it to support it. The whole idea that we humans must pay to exist is probably one of the biggest slight-of-hands ever created!  Do trees pay to exist? Do deer pay to exist?  Are we paying to exist because we are participating in raping the resources without consideration of the environment? Are we actually paying for the abuse we are participating within? Like we are paying to rape this earth because we know we are raping this earth and as such our payment is basically a punishment for the rape we allow within and as every product we purchase without thought and recognition of where that product exists from in all the necessary steps of its creation? 

The extent to which we/I have created some ideology, resonant within, that there is some higher state of being, on/in/of some distant “ space” where a higher “ self “ will eventually come to be is an illusion, a distraction, a lie. 

I read a comment where someone was holding such a concept within them and speaking it out with such certainty is was astounding.  It is stagnant in a way, because it is a belief which has a bit of truth to it, that this person has a “ higher” self that is somewhere out there, and will eventually be the place this person will go to, meaning that higher self being  a state that can only exist somewhere else. I can just see the focus of the body and the attention in the eyes not being present, a huge resonant bubble of belief, in the form of a vortex and/or film around the body of this person writing. I suppose we cannot unsee what we have seen. To some extent, I remember my father having a dinner party with “ ghost busters” years and years ago, where it was said in a moment that heaven could not be trusted. A few years later, I experienced a moment where I realized everything I knew was a lie. Existence took up a lot of my time, and yet, in moments, I would purchase books looking for descriptions of my experiences. In once instance it took about ten years but I finally found it. That book became a treasure to me because I kept this part of myself to myself. When I began to speak up about it, I would shake so bad it was incredible to me. It brought forward other questions. Too bad this was not realized when I was young, yet I am thankful for some recognition at the moment. It is, overall, less painful to speak up than to remain in hiding. 

There must be very deep roots within me, as resonant constructions, of a fear of speaking against that imagined “ god.” There is also the realization that a steadiness can be created, or allowed to let be, as standing and speaking up in focus of reality here, and at the same time in recognition of the fractionalized separation into limited and stagnant processing of information - this which has a quality, or temper, or feel to it. The words must be aligned to the living flesh as this living resource called earth. This earth is the real magic in action. The over-use of the imagination into a layered picture show creates a vortex of separation from being focused here in this practical living reality. When I get to this point there remains a part of me that wants to weep in sheer shame of my own rejection of life. These cycles or time loops of belief within me. 

When my husband died, when I found him, a part of my inner statement to myself as what I was being was that something so magnificent could be lost. How could I have such a thought unless I realized it within myself? The next thought being that I could never tell a lie again and that the process of walking that would be very long and very hard! Had the pieces of space that had come through the cracks of my own resonant storm accumulated to the extent I had then accelerated the process simply in making the choice to do so? And how could one cause the same in others? Because ultimately the patterns are the same, and self realization is what each and everyone desires.

I am writing this out to realize more of what it means to stand as a living word. A relationship to what is here in the practical, as in realizing that I am life and that this life is physical - with some recognition at the same time that our systems at present, consume our attention through so many invisible ideologies. A virus is invisible, and in many accounts has never been seen. Our “ gods” are invisible. Our natural world is filled with some invisible evil - this a distraction from a realization that we are the physical, which cannot really be owned but by some idea. Our latest war was based on an idea of terrorism. Where to hide the truth but in plain sight, through projecting the blame onto some unnamed, anonymous entity? That gives a lot of grey area to play in. So many things are general instead of specific. Even our school systems base their program selections on studies done in isolation using practices established from other studies done long ago and that are unable to be duplicated. How many parents actually investigate this when looking at what their schools are doing in detail?  If one goes to a school committee meeting there is basically no one there - myself having been a parent who did not attend such meetings. The meetings themselves formulated in a way where a speaker has a limited amount of time to make a case. This a necessity because so many of us are emotional and our processing speeds are stagnant so it takes an effort to speak up. Emotional speaking is a lot like being in a soup. It is no wonder children begin to play with that soup and manipulate to no longer trigger a reaction from that resonant storm. I mean, compare this to the realization that children are not born racist or sexist or classicist ! Would such beliefs within slow down a natural ability of pattern recognition? 

As well, this contrast within being able to organize things, meaning to get all the necessary things in order to complete a task. We have all done such things, as cooking or gardening is such a process. 

When things become complicated most likely there are some unprocessed beliefs getting in the way of walking a process to accomplish a goal. What is necessary in such a situation is to purify and realign one’s words, to remove the polarized beliefs of value that exist in a form or protection and defense for manipulating that resonant state of ideologies separate from reality. They are there determining one’s movement and distracting one from realizing what is of stability and constancy,  what requires no remembering, what is an ease of knowing. 

If our words are clear, our intentions are more clear and as such, more able to be heard. This would take time and repetition, not so much to memorize the information, more to experience something that as I see it at the moment, to experience something that cannot be unseen. Something that enables one to recognize one’s attention to limited relationships, evident in the limited and stagnant moving utterances from a human locked in being way up their in an over-used imagination causing separation and fragmentation in their presence. 

What I ask myself is why I have had realization that nothing can define me but what I allow, mostly realized in moments with others where I suddenly realized what they were saying did not define who and what I am, and, even feeling incensed that such an attempt would be made, which is another form of distraction in itself! A deep anger at this, something I think I absorbed from my father - his degree of caring on another level being evident in certain moments of insight - funny how there is a correlation between the extent to which someone is reactive and the opposite potential of being incredibly insightful in other moments. 

There is space here, and that space allows one to process things. Within that space there is more space to realize an awareness of more than limited thinking as one’s shield of protection and defense in a moment. I supposed there is an underlying horror of becoming a spaced out, slow moving thing as a personality. Why this is coming up in this moment with such words, may be from some distant memory. Within my own anxieties is a sense of being strung out into some stagnant thing that has me feeling like I will be buried in a coffin, one of that same anonymous invisible design. And this before any value judgements where developed according to the environment in which I was born. 

I can see where understanding this would lead to greater patience, and allow more fun to be utilized in relation to standing more as a beacon of stability, of constancy and calm. I can see where this understanding would lessen a fear of facing limitation and realizing that an insistence and intensity in a focus of a person would be more realized as something that cannot define myself here, and at the same time realizing that buried in that is a potential that is projected outside of the self ( to keep it safe?) and to realize how to walk that back into recognition and self acceptance. This, done with a steady kindness, because it is understood into a form of knowing without an attachment of a fear of loss of such ability.  I look at kindness because in some ways, what i know as aggressive behavior is somehow not where I want to go. I liken it to playing a video game where one must become silent and watch the patterns before moving the figure through the revolving door in the video game.  It is like playing music, one listens, gets the tempo and joins - and not in a rushed or aggressive way. One just slides right in! 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being caught in a resonant construction of limited and spaced out and stagnant information.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being caught in a box, a resonant storm of energy, of and as an elevation of “thought.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separation myself from myself in relation to avoiding being stuck in a resonant box, making such a thing a huge thing, and as such running from such a thing, instead of standing in equality and oneness with and as my perception to see realize and understand that which would ground the moment in ways that diminish or dis-spell such a state of being.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear such a thing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to hide from such.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel overwhelmed in relation to addressing or being exposed to such a thing, making it larger than life, instead of standing in recognition of such a thing to dis-spell the spell that is a projection from within the physical body of the person.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be paranoid of the paranormal. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to run from such a resonant entity, and to then pretend I did not understand such a thing, when there within this I already knew that I had allowed this, and could therefore blame no one but myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to remember the desire I had that motivated such a movement to create such an inner resonant body that I pretended was following me yet knew was already within and from me, as the focus in the memory  was more of an idea of a holy ghost in the machine as a thing - to run from. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be occupied by these ideas, and within that to not see realize and understand that means of my own distraction, as I hide in fear of my own construction, as realizing what the motivating desire was within that initial movement.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand the extent with this, in and as a fear of confrontation, when in effect, I have actually seen this to the extent in a moment I realized that nothing could define myself here but what I allowed where in that moment, I realized that everything, everything I had been lead to believe was a lie, and within that to not see realize and understand what that meant in reality, in relation to the present system.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand and recognize that sense of what I call being “ loopy” which is telling in itself because that is in essence what i am doing, within and as looping around in a belief, instead of grounding myself here and speaking up in recognition that we are physical, that what is here is us, that nature is us, that it is creation, where this is realized because if this were NOT reality, why are the powers that be attempting to own this earth?

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I as life can be hurt, within and as the realization that only that which is life within us remains, which cannot be owned but by acceptance and allowance.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand, as my beingness, as myself that I am life here, and as such am able to cross reference all things and stand in recognition of all things, considering the consequences of every action within me, to bring what is constant and stable and eternal here where this focus of and as me speaks in ways that open acceptance and recognition of the physical reality as this is life here.

I commit myself to breath, to play, to slow down, to read here, to let go of resistances and process movements here, recognizing my own words and the word constructions of others, as we can only speak our experience.

I commit myself to letting go and letting be for a moment, and listening to what can with stand the test of time, here within and as a practical cross reference and investigation of all things building relationships equal and one in recognition of the physical as life in expression here.

Day 814 Polished Hype

Polished Hype

I begin to realize how things are like a piece of music, a form. Something has volume, composed of relationships of interaction. Some can be of an elevated story of information that causes conflict, discord and destruction to parts of the reality on which that form with its multiple volumes rests. The means is a hyperinflation of some qualities that like a wall, or a wave, of and as a form, ignores the consequences as the effects on all that surrounds that metaphysical hype to the extent what is real is rendered invisible. One can hear this in the very words a person uses, as the very song they sing, as what is brought forward to describe in the storied relationships composed into a picture from the glyphs that are words. 

I have spent some time with a person who has had little education. A very capable person. This person has learned to work more with their hands, and has mastered some basic understanding of  simple mechanics. When they come and tell me a story, it takes a lone time for them to frame the picture of their story, as they describe the story through the many actions as the interplay of others involved in the outcomes that caused the conflict that became the story told. 

It is somewhat like hearing a piece of music that has a lot of drawn out embellishment. Like starting at the variations instead of hearing the theme. It is of coming from the attenuation of a theme. The emotional hype, that emotional reaction, is so inflamed to get the whole story means to listen past all the emotional response, the reactions inside the bubble, that in itself is blinging that hype from catching its own theme. It is probably difficult to hold opposing values within one’s self in such drawn out emotions, that this behavior in itself would be difficult to catch. The junctions of reflection are processing huge blown-out-of-proportion reactive values, that the storm of this is rendered invisible. One is existing within a time-lapse. One is out-of-synch with reality because one’s focus has made a drama larger than reality. It is to say one no longer sees the horizon. 

What is really interesting, is that this person appears, and as though I am looking at a piece of music composed of varying pressures, and of moving colors, like a ring around the person, which I likened to the rings of Saturn. Perhaps, because I have learned to read my own shadows of belief, in slowing down to realize the moving eddies of volume and color, that can be extremely subtle within me, that from that living experience within myself, this same is more recognizable in others. Perhaps it is because I was around paint and the use of color, and the use of words, in my early years, because my mother was a painter and my father was a journalist, thus I am a product of my environment. And I studied music. It somehow all comes together that I would end up noticing the whirling eddies of color in a person coming to me with their problems, telling me long drawn out stories through the mode of “ he said, she said.” 

Recently this person appeared with the latest outcome of a situation this person is living out. The moment they walked in the room, what I saw was a swirling ring of a muddy color around them, like a volume in space, a presence of something around them, emanating from them. I realized immediately that they were angry. What is most interesting is that they were acting more happy than usual. I have to say, that being in fear, that being in a state of protection and defense of one’s self would cause one to not be able to see this. If one is so focused on one’s own protections, this would not be visible. And, that seeing this, to a greater degree, is what is normal. Not seeing this is insanity. Herein lies the problem. What is normal, what has become normal, is not normal. We are a society that has come to normalize polished hype. The expense of that is an ever greater weakening of the very trees around us that emit the air we need to maintain that polished hype. That is the irony. 

I had another client that exhibited a pattern, that I needed time to realize myself. They had a younger child who I noticed was extremely engrossed in their imagination. The older daughter had become obsessed with ordering things, I didn't see it at first, but then realized, because of the potential of the human physical body to read the self created muse within, and its relationships of cause and effect without, that the older daughter was the response to the earlier state of an overuse of the imagination. The proverbial pendulum was swinging in the other direction, in response to the child realizing that she needed to come back down to earth and order the things that were here, instead of living the consequences of an overblown imagination. Listening to such measure, to the metrics in the space unfolded a pattern. What inhibited myself from realizing such sooner, was, like a television jumping frames, my own protection mechanisms, probably to ignore all of this, causing resistances to the real song happening in my environment, the volume of which is very very loud when one slows down and begins to look without interjecting one’s own self inner rest. 

I brought up a memory from my childhood, one that I have replayed through the years. It is one of those lived experiences as opposed to knowledge and information only. Yet, those experiences that one has lived, they do not go away. And the mind will scream them, because the mind must scream its experiences, which is why someone will reveal themselves to others, because we can only communicate what we experience. If we practice resistance to looking here, then this will be in the very words we speak. It is always, in all ways visible. Self interest would have an ignorance to this, as I said. 

Thus in this childhood memory, that appears and has this greater detail to it, I am younger than second grade. I am running up to a tree, for some kind of solace. I am aware that there is something following me. While I want to run away, I am also aware that I cannot run away from that which I believe is following me. I sit at the base of the tree and curl up in pure reaction. I have the thought that now this that is following me, will have to move through me, and that I can blame no one but myself. I built it, I played the game, and now the actions that I took are a picture  within me, and must be processed through my body. I just sit there, angry at myself, not wanting to look at this. That is the extent of the memory. Most probably, that which I ran from, that which I had practiced, that which was not yet in total direction of me, came back to rest with me, and I went outside of what was more normal, which was to be on that ground, under that tree, aware of the resonant construction that reflected my accepted actions, and started to become what directed me to the extent I cannot remember the next moment. 

I have come across descriptions of people realizing that they have an inner back chat as voices within, as sounds within, as images which are of sound, within, that appear to haunt them. This sounds just like my reaction to my own shadow I created. I feared that paranormal entity and yet, recognized it as such, and as something that I allowed. I feared facing that. And, just as in nightmares, the imagery of that self created shadow, come up as horror movies because it is a state of separation from reality, to the extent that one knows what one has done. Perhaps, from some scales of something, the combination of exposures and my own inclinations, lead me to see through a crack for a moment, of which every person must have within them in their own unique way. This has to exist. This gap, this jump from real presence and the resonant storm, can be realized. One has to reverse the state of resistance to looking and to being what is natural and normal, as a polished hype is not normal. 

When someone says to me they are intimidated by me, what they are really saying is that they are intimidated by what I am suggesting is happening within themselves, which of course they would be, given the storm of horror, resonant within that one will open up should one make the decision to deconstruct a resonant construct of composed ignorance, as building up defense systems that resist seeing reality, because playing a video game of a limited morality to survive in that that has become prominent, was not something easy to navigate for a small child not yet accustomed to the code, as words, used to express either parts of reality, or the whole story. And, this is why, this state of separation through illusion, must be forgiven. Humans will find happiness in removing their ignorance or releasing the tension of suppressing a natural insight-ability, because that ignorance is a polished hype causing a state of separation from being what is by that same system of separation considered to be abnormal, which ironically the real “normal.”  Go figure and see this for yourself. Breath, slow down and listen to the music around YOU.

Another way to say this is to realize that one cannot clearly see the more complex if one has not mastered the small. The small is the manipulation of sound. For humans that is words. We master our words, the small, and we can unfold what is normal. The more complex cannot be mastered until one understands the small well enough to see its music, or form, or construction with an ease that creates a confidence in practice that allows one to face the unexpected, because the unexpected is always here, as this is the risk of creation, just as learning to walk has risk as one builds awareness into what one is in total, as one’s form and function. 

Overall, the creative ability mis-used to build an inner entity of separation, done through suppression, where one’s greatest strength becomes one’s greatest weakness, shows immense capacity, though mis-placed. That is an irony in itself. Within this, imagine synchronizing back into what is by this present system considered,  touted incessantly, as being abnormal, that is a real “ normal”? It is the castle forcing a false economy that dictates the narrative of the “ good” fairy and the “ wicked” witch. It is the castle of an ignorance of physical and practical reality, as creation, that polarizes through ad hominem and hyperbole.  It is the castle that superimposes expectations through statistics worked out on paper in isolation from reality, and who suppress evidence of causation under the guise of business models too big to fail and an idea that such creates economy- a false premise, or promise, at its inception.  Imagine, for a moment what being in respect of all things would lend within a nature of the self as being of the very substance of creation? At the same time,  look towards removing the defenses to realize the defenses to the extent each helps one another come back down to earth, to bring these entities that are believed to be a “ heaven” back down to earth to exist within harmony here with creation manifest as the physical? I have noticed through this life, that the very nature around me, is, as I said to myself, like a composition of all things coming together, as though all of creation is here, as this earth. This, being a moment of reflection most probably done in a state of calm, of being open as lacking in being caught in a state of fear or ONLY seeing  consequences of fear, as protections and defenses, that are really suppressions and self enforced ignorance, or selective values being made larger than the metric of creation that is the physical. We all know this, because it is so heavily in our face! It is felt in our bodies. It is composed and forcibly heald/held in place as a form of polished hype. 

We become what we practice. It is the persistence in the small that leads to what we create.