Day 587 Who am I within the systemic culture of women Day 2 Self Forgiveness and Practical Application

My reactions to women commiserating cont. Day 2

Going down that road of commiserating, leads to more problems than it is worth, or so I believe.  Situations such as this are fickle and can change in a heartbeat. I believe that such creates a burden where one should be there when that which one has built an emotional understanding with wants answer to it’s cause, no matter the time of day, or no matter what one is doing. The demands  of support to sustain are as intense as the changeability is fickle when the emotional bond becomes a hinderance.  Thus, I reject what I believe will enable my own survival, creating unnecessary conflict in my behaviors  within myself in the form of mental back chat, weighing options and trying to find variables that lead to the least amount of consequence. So busy with this inner value system, that I ignore practical reality, and acts of investigation that seek evaluation and  examination in practical terms, realizing that emotional and feeling bodies are a fear of loss and the justifications to counter a fear of loss of a self defined value in self interest without considering the value being life as physical beingness. Hence, emotional feeling values in self interest are not sustainable and volatile. Thus, I become the belief that to keep the enemy near is better than not knowing what is going on socially. The conflict within me is to run, because this consumes, and, at the same time, to remain, to guard against the fickle nature of self definition in self interest as energy. In all, this is why the physical is the gift of life, because it is creation in form, and it is this that is real and constant because what works is what causes no harm, which is what respects the gift of creation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to a value system of self interest as energy in and as my mind consciousness system, my program of survival in separation from practical physical reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become occupied with a loss of self definition without investigation within and as the physical, to evaluate and examine what would bring ease within and as realizing that the value is life, as the physical, to see, realize and understand  what causes no harm, and what is practical in support of all life, as the solution.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a belief that “ I am damned if I do, and damned if I don’t”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from here, from the physical into and as an idea that I must stay to survive, as in catering to emotional values of another, and that I may lose something if I walk away and do not accept emotional values.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a persona of survival, in and as allowing emotional feelings values without investigation into what is practical as what is best for all, an actual consideration and respect for the physical world, which is to realize all life as being the value.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that emotional values are a threat to my existence.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear emotional values, and react to counter them in self interest.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that  emotional values that I resist and  at the same time move towards in protection and self defense are of idea, and opinion, and belief, composed of a polarity as idea of “ if I am not looking like this, or giving of sympathy only as this, or acknowledging an emotion as something real to consider and pity only, then I am not a part of the game and as such will be eliminated”, when this overall, is stagnant because it considers only my personal gain and does not take the space and time in relation to actual physical existence to move into what expands one/myself out of the limited belief, where I can, actually, without fear, become equal to the limited belief and assess the parameters of idea and the fear of loss as idea only, and practically walk what would enable a sense of ease, the practical steps necessary to see solutions that give a sense of expression and self direction which is to focus on the physical as being life and here, to accept and view the mind for what it is, as being a matrix made larger than life that is a  disconnect from practical reality, here, and as such can realize itself as life through self forgiveness, writing out a constructed belief system and move into self correction as to focus here, on practical reality here.

When and as I find myself believing that I  am damned if I don’t and damned if I do” I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I realize that the “ what if’s” as thoughts within and as me, of judgement in fear of loss as idea,  and projections of spite and blame and a general overall sense lacking ease, and as such a physical sense of conflict and friction, where I become unstable and exist as a movement of instability like a subtle sense of “ vibration” within and as me as my physical body, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I assess practically what is here, and to realize here that I have over time allowed the conflict to seem so real, that the change appears as an illusion, when it can be taken in sequence of beliefs of what is more and what is less, a spin in comparison,  an overall act of separation and storminess in a bubble and here I stop, I breath, I slow myself way down, and I realize that nothing can define me but what I accept and allow and that the polarities of good and bad, can be walked into a practical application of what is best for all, as the physical world, within what does not harm.  

When and as I find a sense of anxiety rising up in my solar plexus, I stop and I breath and I apply a practical application, the way and the means to align myself to and as within respect of life, to actualize self direction in self empowering ways , that are often simple, and able to be done, here, that give space and time for the emotion to open up and move in self directive ways, which for many may seem as a “ novel” experience as the self movement as mind has become a habit, which means an automated movement, but as such was constructed, and can be realized and brought back to earth and changed within looking here, at practical reality and respecting life,  realizing that we are all the same, and that the physical is the gift of life, as this is creation.

Day 586 Who am I within the systemic culture of women? Self Forgiveness and Practical Application. Day 1

I have a morality point where I get pissed off when others are commiserating, especially amongst women. I see such as a social expectation where woman gather around and support emotional states, building ties as each carry the needs of the others, or that the connection is something special. I, at the same time, believe that I am not allowed to do this, AND realize to some extent that I do not want to be this, to do this, because it then means that I owe something to someone, or that I am bound emotionally. I allow the perceived bonding as having more value than, say, the issue at hand. I fear that to not continue such “ bondings”  will cause an  abrupt change in support or connection and will cause anger coming at me. So, I avoid getting involved in such things. And then, I fear not having the social connections. Naturally, this causes within me, friction and chaos. the “ if I don’t do this I will lose out with this, and if I do this, I will lose out on that” A real “ damned if you do and damned if you don’t’ polarity, or some might say “ catch twenty two” a  self interest spinning around in my mind.  Allowing such is a separation from practical reality.

I am the same that I complain of, the same that aggravates me. I am thinking only of my own self worth and value based of social structural values being the means of survival before physical reality. This is causing the instability, because it is really only ideas in my mind as self value as idea only. I am not considering the fact that I am a physical beingness on a physical world, a world in creation, a living world. So, the only choice that I have is to do what is best for all.  To actually live here. When I am with a group of woman, and there is some problematic emotional issue being supported, it is to realize that 1. the issue can be resolved. and 2. that it is the solution that is the value, one of which nothing is owed to anyone because the action taken considers the value being life as the physical, as the value is finding a solution that self empowers a person to live in ways that are giving, and as such, have no burdens  of some kind of payment, be it emotional and/or inferenced social obligation as a point on a grid of hierarchy that overall is in separation from practical physical reality. After all, the physical being of myself was here taking in the physical world, before any idea of myself culturally, in any religious terms, or use of language or tradition was impulsed as a program. Before any of these programs, I was a physical living being. This was my starting point, and this is the value. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself as a limited value, without referencing the actualized manifestation of creation, as the physical, with every breath.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being against a group of commiserating woman.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is some conspiracy going on when I see a group of woman talking, heads leaning in towards one another, which I perceive to be a secret society - so to speak.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that yes, perhaps some issue is being resolved and the person being emotional is not prepared to be open, as the idea of a loss, seems huge, when moving into solution often, is a movement where the problem is not nearly as large as one can be lead to believe, thus resolving issues can be a process where the initial action is discussed quietly until it is opened up and resolved.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to women talking quietly in a small group, based on a past of belief as having judged experiences into one size fits all, that I have accepted and allowed, of projections that there is a conspiracy against me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  believe that the walls of the castle, of emotion are impenetrable, which is believing in conspiracy, as it is a physical and thus practical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this, I fear losing some self defining value, which I see within a belief that I am being left out, is myself fearing a loss of standing, to survive, which is a separation from practical reality, thus I am the same as that which I project onto others, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is gain in myself existing as an idea about who and what I am, when I am here, in a physical world, where what supports the physical is known, as proper food, education, shelter and clean water, all of which takes money, as the present system, where it is not money that is “ bad” it is the acceptance and allowance that some deserve more than others, when we are all the same, and development is known, thus as physical existence as life in creation, is the real value and is lived here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that emotions and feelings define who and what I am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I have a responsibility to become sympathetic to the emotions and feelings of another only, and that my life will be threatened if I do not.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that there is sympathy and then there is empathy, where the emotions of another can be understood and then moved into solution, as this is empathy, and as such, just as I have remained in emotions to define me and fought letting them go, I see , realize and understand that sometimes emotional value states are believed to be so real that the process of realizing and sizing emotional states up and aligning them to practical reality, can at times appear to be an emotional storm, as something that rises and falls, and as such, it is to not react to this process of assessment into solution, as this is the way into grounding oneself back into practical reality here, which is an act of self empowerment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how much I have existed in protection and self defense based on limited values that I have allowed to define me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when I allow a belief that there is conspiracy against me, that I shut myself down, hide within myself , fearing the worst case scenario, as in being eliminated socially, a huge gloom and doom emotional storm, none of which is myself moving into solutions as I exist as a physical beingness , which is the starting point of myself here, and as such, the answers are always right here in front of me, as the value is life, here.

When and as I find myself reacting as in allowing projections of belief, idea and opinion to move within me, as reactions based on a past judgement, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down, and I at the very least, suspend belief until I investigate and understand the scenario, which means asking questions to build a background, which is the way and the means to create solutions that are best for all, as in empowering within common sense of practical physical reality, here.

When and as I find myself reacting, in a belief that I am inferior to what I have allowed to seem superior, as in having some power that I cannot reach, because my starting point in reaction is already of a belief that I am being eliminated because I was not party to the conversation or activity, I stop and I breath, and I realize that I can have no judgement of what is going on because I have no knowledge of the details of the situation, thus, it is for me to slow down, and investigate to build understanding as this is moving into solutions, and taking the time to assess and apply a practical self empowering application if need be, which I cannot know unless I ask.

When and as I find myself imagining worst case scenarios, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down, and I become practical here, within and as realizing that I am a physical manifestation of life, and as such a creator, here, thus, I can self empower through considering all life, and respect the physical.

When and as I find myself  fearing the bully of emotion, I stop and I breath, and I see, realize and understand that in my judgement without investigation, based on a past of fearing to lose as ideas of what I am, to fit into a survival system that is in separation from creation, I slow myself down, and I walk in thought, word and deed that which builds understanding of practical reality, as this is what brings myself back down to earth, and grounds myself here, into the simplicity of the principle of what is best for all, of which the physical in sound formation is, to actualize what does no harm and as such is that which is stable and fears not change, which is practically to enjoy that value being life, here.