Day 586 Who am I within the systemic culture of women? Self Forgiveness and Practical Application. Day 1

I have a morality point where I get pissed off when others are commiserating, especially amongst women. I see such as a social expectation where woman gather around and support emotional states, building ties as each carry the needs of the others, or that the connection is something special. I, at the same time, believe that I am not allowed to do this, AND realize to some extent that I do not want to be this, to do this, because it then means that I owe something to someone, or that I am bound emotionally. I allow the perceived bonding as having more value than, say, the issue at hand. I fear that to not continue such “ bondings”  will cause an  abrupt change in support or connection and will cause anger coming at me. So, I avoid getting involved in such things. And then, I fear not having the social connections. Naturally, this causes within me, friction and chaos. the “ if I don’t do this I will lose out with this, and if I do this, I will lose out on that” A real “ damned if you do and damned if you don’t’ polarity, or some might say “ catch twenty two” a  self interest spinning around in my mind.  Allowing such is a separation from practical reality.

I am the same that I complain of, the same that aggravates me. I am thinking only of my own self worth and value based of social structural values being the means of survival before physical reality. This is causing the instability, because it is really only ideas in my mind as self value as idea only. I am not considering the fact that I am a physical beingness on a physical world, a world in creation, a living world. So, the only choice that I have is to do what is best for all.  To actually live here. When I am with a group of woman, and there is some problematic emotional issue being supported, it is to realize that 1. the issue can be resolved. and 2. that it is the solution that is the value, one of which nothing is owed to anyone because the action taken considers the value being life as the physical, as the value is finding a solution that self empowers a person to live in ways that are giving, and as such, have no burdens  of some kind of payment, be it emotional and/or inferenced social obligation as a point on a grid of hierarchy that overall is in separation from practical physical reality. After all, the physical being of myself was here taking in the physical world, before any idea of myself culturally, in any religious terms, or use of language or tradition was impulsed as a program. Before any of these programs, I was a physical living being. This was my starting point, and this is the value. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself as a limited value, without referencing the actualized manifestation of creation, as the physical, with every breath.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being against a group of commiserating woman.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is some conspiracy going on when I see a group of woman talking, heads leaning in towards one another, which I perceive to be a secret society - so to speak.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that yes, perhaps some issue is being resolved and the person being emotional is not prepared to be open, as the idea of a loss, seems huge, when moving into solution often, is a movement where the problem is not nearly as large as one can be lead to believe, thus resolving issues can be a process where the initial action is discussed quietly until it is opened up and resolved.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to women talking quietly in a small group, based on a past of belief as having judged experiences into one size fits all, that I have accepted and allowed, of projections that there is a conspiracy against me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  believe that the walls of the castle, of emotion are impenetrable, which is believing in conspiracy, as it is a physical and thus practical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this, I fear losing some self defining value, which I see within a belief that I am being left out, is myself fearing a loss of standing, to survive, which is a separation from practical reality, thus I am the same as that which I project onto others, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is gain in myself existing as an idea about who and what I am, when I am here, in a physical world, where what supports the physical is known, as proper food, education, shelter and clean water, all of which takes money, as the present system, where it is not money that is “ bad” it is the acceptance and allowance that some deserve more than others, when we are all the same, and development is known, thus as physical existence as life in creation, is the real value and is lived here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that emotions and feelings define who and what I am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I have a responsibility to become sympathetic to the emotions and feelings of another only, and that my life will be threatened if I do not.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that there is sympathy and then there is empathy, where the emotions of another can be understood and then moved into solution, as this is empathy, and as such, just as I have remained in emotions to define me and fought letting them go, I see , realize and understand that sometimes emotional value states are believed to be so real that the process of realizing and sizing emotional states up and aligning them to practical reality, can at times appear to be an emotional storm, as something that rises and falls, and as such, it is to not react to this process of assessment into solution, as this is the way into grounding oneself back into practical reality here, which is an act of self empowerment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how much I have existed in protection and self defense based on limited values that I have allowed to define me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when I allow a belief that there is conspiracy against me, that I shut myself down, hide within myself , fearing the worst case scenario, as in being eliminated socially, a huge gloom and doom emotional storm, none of which is myself moving into solutions as I exist as a physical beingness , which is the starting point of myself here, and as such, the answers are always right here in front of me, as the value is life, here.

When and as I find myself reacting as in allowing projections of belief, idea and opinion to move within me, as reactions based on a past judgement, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down, and I at the very least, suspend belief until I investigate and understand the scenario, which means asking questions to build a background, which is the way and the means to create solutions that are best for all, as in empowering within common sense of practical physical reality, here.

When and as I find myself reacting, in a belief that I am inferior to what I have allowed to seem superior, as in having some power that I cannot reach, because my starting point in reaction is already of a belief that I am being eliminated because I was not party to the conversation or activity, I stop and I breath, and I realize that I can have no judgement of what is going on because I have no knowledge of the details of the situation, thus, it is for me to slow down, and investigate to build understanding as this is moving into solutions, and taking the time to assess and apply a practical self empowering application if need be, which I cannot know unless I ask.

When and as I find myself imagining worst case scenarios, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down, and I become practical here, within and as realizing that I am a physical manifestation of life, and as such a creator, here, thus, I can self empower through considering all life, and respect the physical.

When and as I find myself  fearing the bully of emotion, I stop and I breath, and I see, realize and understand that in my judgement without investigation, based on a past of fearing to lose as ideas of what I am, to fit into a survival system that is in separation from creation, I slow myself down, and I walk in thought, word and deed that which builds understanding of practical reality, as this is what brings myself back down to earth, and grounds myself here, into the simplicity of the principle of what is best for all, of which the physical in sound formation is, to actualize what does no harm and as such is that which is stable and fears not change, which is practically to enjoy that value being life, here.

Day 484 Communication that with stands the test of time can be a process of joy.

One of the things about friends is mutual understanding. This leads to open communication. Such understanding takes time. The process of this should be a joy within the realization that this leads to open direct communication. Thus, if humans understood their world, meaning we lived as a real democracy where all people stood and participated in what happens on earth, especially with our resources - of which our children are- then communication would exist between all of us. I mean it would be fun to communicate with neighbors.

But as a society we do not have this. Why don’t we? We are capable of speaking, of using words, why are we not communicating, meaning having equal understanding our our physical world and enjoying it, no matter who stands next to us? It makes no sense that we are not this.

Because of this, there is really no other option but to have open discourse until mutual understanding is reached. This is a responsibility for each of us. Any movement within, any doubt, any thought against such is an indication of ignorance, even if this means thinking another is impossible because they throw a fit. This has to be let go, and the solution to communication must continue until that communication flows in understanding, an understanding that can withstand the test of time.

Thus, to not allow communication does not allow development and the ability to practice and learn the structure of discourse, meaning making the mistakes and being patient within them, to learn to see the patterns of the way we use words and what we believe and what we think and how this thinking can become stagnant and misinformed. As this we can see that communication with others can help each of us to see what we are, as the words we use and assemble show us what we have formed ourselves as.

Within this, each of us can realize that communication with others helps us to self realize as life, and as this to come to understand life in ever greater measure.

I/we have to be willing to communicate what we think, and to forgive what another communicates with each breath, to help one another realize what we have allowed ourselves to be informed as. We can begin this, by simply slowing down and breathing, even saying to another, that we find ourselves reacting and need a moment to breath and slow down, simply because we realized we were, for example, suddenly thinking about something else ( and each of us knows that we are so economically stressed that slowing down and actually listening to another needs some practice).

This is how we become a democracy, to communicate with one another, to share our information as what we are, and to realize that which is good and that which serves us no real purpose within understanding what it means to live that which withstands the test of time, as that which creates a communication that moves with ease because an understanding is lived that is a joy to express.

Walk the FREE Desteni I Process Lite, Become equal to life and withstand the test of time.

Day 248 Self abdication character

If someone comes to me and starts complaining about something, I always feel a responsibility to solve the problem. And I find I become careful in my choice of words, or judge the other as not being capable of hearing what I really want to say. Some of this I withhold is based on the morality I learned, some is considered socially to be too harsh, and some I believe would be considered undoable  as I have been lead to/allowed to believe.
Since, I have started to look at all that is here, as what is accepted and allowed in this earth, I speak up more about it. I am not here to speak of this so much, it is what i become in wanting to solve and help, and this presence of fear should I say things that upset another, where I am really just fearing losing a definition of myself within an accepted limited design of myself. This character of being a problem solver, or compassionate ear, does not consider all of existence, does not consider what sustains life, what stabilizes life, what equalizes others into and as an awareness of the physical and how the mind functions within this. Standing steady and stable here, without hope of gain or fear of loss, just remaining here, within becoming aware of life, as in applying what works within what is best for all, within what stands eternally.
So, when I am apprehensive about speaking up with another, I become nervous. It is like having to break free from some kind of chain. I noticed this same inner experience onetime when I went against everyone in my immediate physical world, and investigated a health practice outside the mainstream medicine world, I was shaking as I attempted this, and I did this alone. I decided, after I read a lot about it, that it was worth it, and since there was no support, I did it myself. Maybe it was not the best idea - well it worked- but here, I am talking about the behavioral action within myself, that of fear.
I also have to realize it takes practice to stand through this. Within the social context I am referring to here, I notice a character of fearing how others will react, where I become separate from a common sense of the physical world, and go into a value judgement of more than and less than based on a self interested desire within some fuzzy logistical idea of an image of myself. In an image of myself I lose sight of what is real and I end up on a roller coaster measuring my worth - like there is another person inside myself for whom I must consider maintaining an alignment within my societal context, which means I accept what exists as a social construct.
I think of South American democratically elected leaders, who are immediately threatened should they change the status quo of resource ownership and use within their countries, where the actual physical people, plants and animals are considered second to profit for a few. A gross abuse of life into more than and less than scenarios as outcomes, a form imposed on this earth that does in no way create stability, equality, and sustainability. Thus, within myself, I allow the same when I in any way only consider my own survival without application within considering all life. Within all this, I realize, the life in myself cannot be in full potential as life, until all life on this planet is equal to itself as life, is stable, is allowed to be self sustaining. Serving the lesser and the greater, as those that have more, divides myself, separates the focus of myself on an inner “scale” of beingness, and it is known that untied we stand divided we fall - which is used nationally and now must be realized globally within the context of the whole, as earth, all that is of earth, and no longer applied within the bubbled walls of borders, as this creates self interest and greed. It is only here, that what is eternal will be real eyes d, Thus, what is best for all is the only directive, and within this, patience and humility, as any action not standing within this is a relapse into separation, as ego, as a moral compass as a method of operation based on the fairy tales, the consumerist/materialist, imperialist capitalistic approach taught, all promoters of more than and less than beliefs; super heros and damsels in distress, leaders and followers, one man nation builders, one man saviors from another world, all of this drawing attention away from here, reality, the physical, this a mind of separation, a mind/physical relationship of me more eyes within fantasy, this staged play a diversion tactic from real eyes on the physical and feet placed firmly on the ground.

The slings and arrows of misfortune are not solved through the taking away of the slings and arrows alone, it is the focus on what precipitated the desire for these weapons that must be addressed as the need for defense and protection is a performance of division. Within myself I must stand as life, or all relationships will be lost, or never fully lived, as life is fully lived with total inclusion of all existent, of which the physical is the source, thus a fantasy in and as my mind as images is my self inFEARior to life, having adhered to divisions within rules of self interest creating a border to defend, an imagined line, in separation from life, here, as what all earth is.

Thus, when I care, and these words came up as I walked a memory from my childhood - “ I care” - I realize I turned and acknowledged a limitation, and probably it was said to me in the form of a question - creating a quest - “ do you care?’ , “ Why are you not attending to this?” And in my non development within common sense and the demands made within an ignorance of how the mind/physical relationship operates, I began to care as mind and not as myself in common sense of the actual real physical world, that which is equal in all, needing no borders: nationally, socially, locally, which is not to say that everything is the same all over this world, as differing climates and resourcesworking in tandem with the earth require varying methodologies. An example that comes up, is that within some climates it is better to wear as few clothes as possible, and in others covering is necessary. So if people from the differing needs travel from one environment to another, and are suddenly uncomfortable with the change in dress, having projected beliefs that ignore the physical scenario as the environment, what has happened is a separation from physical awareness and imposed beliefs made tradition instead of what is real, the physical world. If the tradition of dress is imposed on those in the climate that does not necessitate this, this is soley based on beliefs, opinions and ideas, and is an ignorance of the physical world. This is hedonism in that it imposes the sense of another out of contest as the physical as what is real.

So, if I remain within societal norms, as beliefs, opinions and beliefs without looking at the whole, as the structures of money movement, belief, opinion and ideas developed, and traditions ignorant of here, the actual physical, I serve the division and not the whole, even when, as how the mind works, the focus remains within self interest without wanting to see all the factors of division within the present system of inequality.

So, when I have a thought that i care, as in taking on the cares of another, and I have to speak through and up within the limited insight present, I will have to use an awareness of what has been accepted and allowed as divisions made a norm, and stand through them, even when met with an inability, as a lacking of common sense, of the physical, of becoming equal and one in and as the physical being what is real, here, to give consideration to the physical and thus to realize that what exists as divisions has not been realized as a separation from life. So, what is eternal is what is best for all, and if all are standing within this, then what is eternal is lived by all, as this is life, the very substance of the physical.

When I talk with another, my adherence to their belief, is my fear of losing the relationship physically, thus I apply a sense of the physical, and move as mind as belief, opinion and idea. And if I have become comfortable with the beliefs, opinions and ideas, meaning I have directed myself as these, without looking at the physical world in common sense then, I will never find a solution and only end up serving a limited outcome, or existing in conflict as differing traditions or limited viewpoints held onto as being real, supersede the physical reality as mind, as what is taught, as what is feared to be let go of in common sense of the actual real, physical world which is as much life as the human, the plant the animal. In the end, it is like we have this system that says, this atom is more than that atom, which makes absolutely no common sense. Thus the human has become an idolizer of secondary pictures as form, as how the mind works, and is divided into less than as this as non-contextual traditions, in separation from what is real and equal in all, this physical world. 

So, I notice within myself a desire to not look at being here facing this separation, as wanting to go and occupy myself with doing this or that,
with a fear of losing a societal relationship, forgoing what is real, as the actual physical world
as giving up caring about something, where the care I give is within a strategy of holding onto a relationship. Meaning I do not need to defend this idea of a relationship, this picture of a relationship, as a tradition within “friendship.” What is real, as the physical and what is best for all as this, allowing the physical forms that are here to become strong and autonomous within their self expression and awareness of what is best for all is best for self.

I will walk these two points, which are procrastination and allowing myself to focus on a fear of losing a relationship or allowing a relationship to define me and thus losing common sense. As I write, I realize both are a self abdication character.

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