Memories are a resonant being . Day 743

Two memories have come up that I have looked at before. I notice that I also have back chat or “worst case scenario’  imagery coming up. The worst case scenario ‘ episodes’ are really random, using all manner of imagery. I have these come up in relation to driving because I have had two head-on collisions, that within the system, were not my fault. AND, they happened in a place where many such accidents happen. I remember that it was said that there can be places where there are cross currents, maybe this place is one of them.  For instance, I found out my orthodontist’s wife also had two accidents in the same place. The cars were destroyed, meaning they were so damaged to be tagged as unrepairable. I have fears around driving and they tend to come back when I am not addressing something; I can use them as a red flag.

I had lived in Europe for ten years. One summer, I returned to the states, as I had other summers too, yet never had that which I am going to describe, happen. On this eighth summer, I noticed that I was constantly stepping back from my American peers. Meaning, I would be standing and talking with them, and find myself taking a step back.  I also remember asking the question, “ why are ‘ you’ moving towards me so much?”  At the time, I remember looking at this, and also saying. “ Wow, I can see how other cultures label American’s as having a garish intense smile!” 

After spending seven years in Europe. a seven year cycle, my ‘ resonance’ as my state as a manner or stance, had changed. This fits in with how our cells cycle themselves, as in our cells carry the resonance of our ‘ math’, or the ‘ value’ system that defines us, holds us, is of how we are mannered within ourselves! This eighth summer, I was resonating my exposure, my environment, my newly cloaked ‘ color’ , all measurable in the distance I stood from another person, the amount of reserve or intensity -of-smile, or presentation of myself and how I held the very muscles of myself; ALL OF WHICH IS A “ MATH,”   had come to be a counter  or alternative rhythm, so to speak, to my American environment. 

What I find interesting, as telling of my stance on another level, is that I so readily moved to BLAME those around me, as though it was not me, it was them- the objects around me! Even within asking a question as, “ Why are my friends leaning into me so much,’ and ‘ Now, I know why other cultures make fun of the American way of being intense ( like a staccato-ed accent in music) with the manner of grinning from ear to ear- as though making a ‘ happiness’ stance more intense, by degree! Thus, I was projecting the ‘ difference’ as a ‘ wrong’ or uncomfortable thing being done unto me. 

What is also amazing is how my physical body reacted, with me doing the thinking after the fact. I only noticed it because I noticed my body reacting. This indicates, how much of a resonance stance I became, which is the same in all of us.  The very ‘ math’ of an in-culturated manner, representing value systems, had become me, which manifested the eighth year into my change into another environment. This corresponds to a cellular memory that then comes to direct my subtle movements physically. This memory has come up in tandem with a memory from childhood as of late. 

I had gone and walked up to my father and younger sister in this childhood memory. I had wanted attention, and as such surprised my father, who turned and knocked me over onto a tricycle. I have a scar from this, which at the moment, has some very dried skin on it.  In this memory, I remember being angry at my father, feeling hurt that I had been knocked onto the tricycle.  Even though, at the time, I got over this pretty fast, I do remember being so embarrassed that I was angry, and I blamed my father for suddenly turning and inadvertently knocking me over- as I am sure he did not want to do this and probably felt some degree of shame as well. Yet, this is my earliest memory of moving , or projecting blame. I was actually embarrased as I had only considered my own desire for attention- so my anger, was really my own shame, because I acted on an idea. I acted on some resonant desire, separating myself from my own common sense. The after stance, even with the anger, I was aware that I had moved in my own self interest- so absorbent am I as a human being. 

I wanted to take a deeper look at resistance. When I look at the resonant change within myself, after living for seven years in a different culture, how my immediate reaction was to project the change, or problem, being on those around me. It was an after thought to realize that I had become more of the subsequent different environment.  The resonant manner, embedded in the physical, was what showed me my own actions, my thoughts immediately moving to project a story, and as I said, that of blaming the objects until I with a secondary overview, began to sort this out.

I also remember saying something to my peers, that I could understand how other cultures labeled Americans in cartoons with aggrandized and plastered smiles. With some of my peers I met reaction. Meaning, with some I caused the same that I had been, a form of resistance and projection into justification instead of understanding. Some understood and even found it interesting. This is telling, because it is showing that the very act that I did, is deeply ingrained in our ‘ reading’ of actions- as manners are a form of action and expression of ..... our resonances, our beliefs, our value systems, our math, our way of reading relationships with regard to everything around us. We are truly organic robots. Which, on another level, is why the media is so successful, unless we view it with a critical and creative approach, understanding what I am saying here, overall. 

Thus, as I said, I have this back chat, with really random scenarios, coming up, and it is composed of this movement of projecting blame onto the objects around me. And yet, this other memory where I realized the very resonance of me, in seven years which matches cellular change, indicates that what I allow, as how I move, within the very smallest of measures, comes to be the information that directs my physical movements! This in tandem with this memory from childhood, and my scar, I can see where I, as far as I can remember, planted the first movement of blame, that even if I at that age, did not dwell on it for too long, it was that tiny movement that started a seed of projecting the problem of my own actions, outward onto the objects around me. 

Because, I have not cleared this ‘ resonance,’ as a formula, up, completely, in its inception, it continues to be how I move, in manner, or, in thought, word and deed. It could also be, that I am at a point of change, as a point of change also carries a quality of most resistance, as the old does not want to die. 

I want to also look at the practices in the school systems, and relate this to learning the violin. I had violin lessons for years, I would go and have the lesson, and have exercises to do at home, ALL BY MYSELF. I had to learn to walk those tiny movements, that practiced being in control of my body, and integrating a physical awareness of the space. This was a practice that no one could do for me, but myself. 

If I look at a school, it is like having a violin lesson, where a direction, or a practice is given, and practiced, or walked through a couple of times, yet cannot be that self, practicing that movement.  The self has to go and do the walking, the practice. The time and space in what a school is, cannot be that practice by the self. One is actually building what comes to direct the physical body, which says that what one allows, and what one practices, will come to resonate in the body and will move the body, thus one’s actions reveal one’s math/perspective/memorized -as-conditioned-blueprint-of-belief, or the order of relationships as how one sees the world.  

A school relates and teaches with example, using words and pictures, just as a violin teacher can model,( which is actually more direct) shows a form, movement included. If I do not practice that movement, and only do it based on that one time, trying to incorporate it from that one showing, I am going to cause a distraction in my presence as I interact with the world around me. I am going to slow down my processing when interacting with the whole, missing things, and causing imbalances, because I did not do that which only the self can do, which is integrate something new through the only way to integrate something new, which is to go and do the small, to practice it- as it takes both the exposure AND the detailed practice of the small, as this is how things are built. 

This is why, so many master’s of things, stress the importance of practicing the small. Meaning, to make sure that small is practiced, because the self must learn to self direct, in detail, all by themselves. This is something that no one can do for the self.  Another way to say this, is that the schools cannot be that practice for the child, and nor should they, as it is a valuable lesson for a child to realize that they build understanding, and that this takes practice, because it takes time for a correct movement, to be integrated into the cells, so that the body moves in effective ways, as what we practice ( or allow, follow without question)  becomes what directs us. Yes, it is that deep, and resistance towards acknowledging this is simply self rejecting and resisting how this all works. Resistance means, one must really look at one’s manner. In all, it does not matter who’s fault it is, if one wanted to take this stance because ultimately, what one has allowed, or been exposed to, resonates within, which no one, not any other person can change but the self. In my case, blame is not going to change this as being in a state of blame, as projecting something outward, is not a practice of looking at what I resonate and learning from it, and realizing that it is what it is, does not need to define me, and shows me where I am not being in understanding, as embracing what is here. In all, such actions, as what I have accepted to be the resonance of me, can show me relationships between things, as beliefs, and as movements that can understand and change in a moment, relax and move in ways that ask more open ended questions, for example.

In so many ways, I realize I have become a social engineering so prevalent in the idea of being ' positive' where I become the end game of sympathy, instead of including empathy; seeing what is being expressed as relationships, understanding how what we resonate is simply ideas about relationships, and to realize within this, that what is real, is myself being here, moving in real time here, because this is where I am, this is where I am living a real performance. I also realize how I can sense the smallest of movements, as the very subtle deeds I move as, within myself, as my resistances show my accepted and allowed practices, which are relationships I direct as belief, because I have not practiced being grounded here, in real time, seeing the real relationship that is here, as my living , and present relationship. My resonance can show me, where I am out of synch with reality. 

Another way to look is to realize what focal and vocal distractions as ideas, beliefs and opinions, resonant within, from past relationships, one is allowing to define who and what one is, and to realize the small movements that build the overall resonance, and the correct small movements that ground one back into being present in this reality. What the media and school systems show is, is a story of information, an equation of order, one that can come to define us, if we allow it. Also, that no one can clean up the resonance of what we have allowed, as believed, but the self. It does not matter if it is someone else's ‘ default system’ as one not understanding how this all works, because projecting onto the ‘ fault’ as a lack of understanding this, is not the action of correction. Only the self can do this, and since we are all doing this, there is only self forgiveness and self correction. That resonance can be read, one can learn to call the movements out by name, thereby taking away the power of the default, and reframing the movement, into respecting this reality, as there is only here, which is how it should be. Another way to say that, is to ask, what came first, the chicken or the egg? 

Thus, over all, I have to realize what I have mathematically accepted and allowed, as a movement as me, and to cross reference this real world around me, to practice being present here, recognizing what I have come to believe, as be comfortable with, as the very movement of me, expressing accepted relationships, and slow down, breath, ground myself and call out by name, the math of me, and recall as the very sound of me, a living relationship to what is here, as the physical, to equalize myself, or to get in synch with here, the actual physical. I can recognize when I am rejecting- what I am resonanting, by movement of blaming things around me for not being what I resonate, and become equal and one to the resonance of life here. And, within this, to realize that this same thing is happening all around me, because, overall this is not understood. 

Even as that small child, I had become a resonance of belief, or allowed a resonance of belief, that I needed attention from my father. On some level, I separated myself into a resonate idea, as a math, and did not pay attention to my surroundings, believing that there was a more, when I already was the means, as being present here, which is the real ‘ more’ of and as me, as being present and in synch with what was real, as the physical symbols, as life in a living relationship, working together in ways that are more symbiotic, and of an interaction that is respectful of all things, choosing what supports no matter what.

When I find myself resisting, I have to stop, slow down and breath. When I find my physical body ‘ stepping back’ or tensing up, or constricting, I have to slow down and look at what I resist, because what I resist persists a resonance of the same manner. Here, I have to breath to see that resonance, and to correct the mis-take, or the state of measure/being I have practiced and to begin to change that to the extent that I become a master of myself.  Naturally, this will take time, the time it takes for the body to regenerate cells. Yet, just as in practicing an instrument, a careful practice of this gains momentum, and my ability to change the resonance of me, will grow. It would be like being able to switch from playing a renaissance piece, and the suddenly a early modern piece of music. Which is interesting, because I remember asking myself how I could become more fluid within changing myself within the practice of music. I never thought of living this as the instrument of me, as a physical body, sounding things out, as the very words I speak, sensing this world, and the world of a more emotional memory, as opposed to a more superior, or fluid memory, as that presence within and as me as life. How could I be so blind, and why was I not taught this from the beginning? 

In all this is why knowing one’s words is so important, as words are a means of calling things out by name, and placing the math in synch with reality. Only practicing words in a closed context, as the vocal and non-direct application in real living space, as building relationships of words into practical reality, is a one sided practice.  One must practice spelling the word, and practice generating the sound, and practice a relationship with the word directly with reality- something that cannot be done in school alone, or learned via the media alone, one must, as the self, just like practicing the violin, or a sport, actually practice the sounds, to build, or retain, a natural spatial ability to reality in relation to what one generates as the words that reflect relationships in this world, as words are never the real thing, they are a muse, so-to-speak. 

This also is the practice of building a relationship with what is here, understanding one’s own resonance- which can change, and doing the math of reality, the systems and one another.  No one can do this but the self. In another way, it is to say that the real means without, is to go within. It is to say that humans are the perfect machines to ‘ do the math’ of existence in real time. Being this real focus in real time instead of a mind consciousness of separation. The place of most happiness, because humans are happy when they are capable of real focus,  and unhappy when they are lost in a dissonant resonance, that is not effective in substantive self direction, is being focused here.  When our neighbor is self directive in practical real time, it helps us, as the body of the overall machine, must synchronize to life, the physical. 

Enjoy and practice the smallest of things, as they are the means to understand the larger forms as the physical around us. Learn to spell and speak you words, build direct relationships with the words, to living reality, understand how the body resonates a math of one’s exposure, opportunity and belief systems.  Breathe, slow down, write it out, and call things out by name, forgive yourself to the small, the practical, the here, build a lasting relationship to this reality. The tools are here, to help, yet no one can do this for the self but the self. The way out is to rebuild the within.  We are the perfect machines to be and do this. Blame is really a resistance to change.  In another way, blame is a form of revenge for one’s resonant seed of information, or ego. It is the self showing the self, where one is not being responsible and/or how we inform ourselves. Thus, my blame, is myself not standing as solution or self actualization. I must look to the small, the singular event that was a repeated action, that created a time-line, that rolled up into a resonant seed and came to manifest as a seeming ' dissonance' to reality around me, as the interactive relationships to all things around me. No one can correct this humpty-dumpty scattered and fractionalized  resonant-in-the-cells-event horizon I allowed to become seeded in myself but me. I would have it no other way, as this is an opportunity to become equal and one to who and what I am, the potential of me, as life.

There is, although seemingly counter because of a resonance unacknowledged, GREAT JOY in mastering the small.  It is the means of self empowerment and the full engagement of all the senses, it is the inherent potential of the human being. It is right in front of us. It is time to take this back, to remember this to ourselves. The way out, is the way in. 

Day 694 Does the degree of automated behavior match the degree of a lack of presence?

There was a time when I was cooking every night for my children. Someone had given me this small tv, so I put this in the kitchen and would watch the news as I cooked. Then, as the news ended and a tv series would come on, I suddenly found myself watching the series, and it started to happen every other night.

I noticed that I was doing this too often. So, one day I took away the television, This started a period where I would change things, from one moment to the next. It was myself realizing how quickly I could become stuck in patterns of behavior.

Around this time, I found I could no longer read novels. I would open them and read the first two sentences and put them down. It was like the novels themselves started to follow the same patterns. so I started to read biographies and three or four books on one subject. 

Then, sometimes I would talk with people and they were saying things to me like “ you’re an intellectual” and yet, I never really saw myself as that. I had met some professors, and often when one got to know them, they would repeat the same things again and again. I started to see how a professor could get stuck in a pattern. They learned some things and assembled some books for a course, and it is as though they remained in that line of information. This is not a bad, yet in our busy lives we at times cannot see what is right in front of us. And time goes by.

My sister told me this story the other day, She has met a man and chatted with him for a while. He  was looking back at his life and realized that he had spent the years with his children very involved in hockey. All his friends were involved in hockey. Here he was, children grown, and he never had anything to do with any of the people he befriended through hockey. He could not even figure out how that had happened. He did not even know if he really liked hockey!

I notice, since I walk process, as the journey back to life, that my movements can go into an automation. I find myself not even noticing that a spoon is made of steel, or even where that steel came from.

There is a rage going on in my town. A woman lives near what was at one time a salt marsh. At present there is a restoration process moving forward. Her property will be effected. She writes rants about how her lower yard, where she grows vegetables will no longer exist. I asked myself, when the marsh was closed off for a railroad in the 1800’s, if anyone asked all the sentient beings in the marsh if they were going to be upset when their fertile ground  suddenly dried up and changed in chemistry? Did anyone consider them?

I also ask, why we have no awareness of what is actually physically here?  Do we get stuck in patterns because we are actually bored, and yet, are so creative that anything is better than nothing? Like rats in a cage, when given only heroin laced water, they drink the water until they are dead. When given a cage full of things and pure water, the rats will not choose the  means of a lesser physical experience, as that heroin water. Perhaps , the system we are allowing through our acceptances, is like that heroin water, where we become habituated to less, and get lost in patterns because at least we are feeling something. What would it be if we were aware of where the things we use come from, what animals and plants and situations existed that were changed for that steel spoon. Were we present and aware of what is here - all the sentient beingness around us - would we get lost in automated behaviors that we wake up from, entering regret or shock at what we lived?

I mean, should we not live our lives in such a way that we can say we knew what we choose, and we loved what we choose? Should we not live in full awareness of our choices?  Can we see the patterns of behavior we get stuck in?  Or, do we remain in patterns because the idea of facing something different appears too great, so we decide to remain in a patterns as a comfort?  Do we realize what our ignorance does not only to ourselves and others as well?

Can we see that our vaccines are meant to make us sick so our medical industry can create jobs? Can we see the math of the information that touts a good to present a story line of salvation, when that salvation is a constructed means to move wealth into the hands of a few, suppressing the very life we are living, to the point where we acclimate to boredom and when our patterns are interrupted we scream that we are going to lose something? And in this, we do not consider the lives of others, or we are too afraid to walk away from a job because we fear losing money, even when we see the damage every day and we know that somehow this is not what life was meant to be? Do we realize that our bodies replace all the cells every seven years, which begs the question as to what is deteriorating cells within a seven year period? 

Even our nano science  reveals that homeopathic remedies do indeed have particles from the plants infused into them, and that water is a resonator. Thus, what are we resonating into our water that is burdening the cells?  Do we leave a resonance that is a coping mechanism based on not bad, yet limited information?  A dis-use of capacity is a stress, as science is also finding out, hence that pattern one is stuck in, does as much damage as a life appearing to be busy with hockey, the resonance as a measure we allow, or the text books we assemble to teach a class, become what we carry within us.  IN essence we become like pack horses of an inner formation! And somehow we all know this. So what we fear the most is the way out. What we face is a shadow governing force within. That is all. It is a vine of information, that started with a small movement, that took the self directive capacity of self, and became a demise within. And then one lost self mastery.

What if we were to become aware of what is here? What if we questioned the disease that is around us, and said, no more? What if we did as we were told, to become a living word? After all, what does a living word imply? Would it not mean to see directly here, to be aware of what we are doing with the physical world around us? Would it not mean that what is real is the physical? Would it not mean that to be focused here, on the physical world, and how it moves in real expression, eliminate the voice of salvation because we would be speaking in real values, values of quality about things, not good or bad, but that nature of things, the potency they express as their natures or character of and in what they are? Would this not be a world of such depth that the measure of understanding in each of us would be filled with life?

And so, we can begin to walk discovering words, to guide us. We can learn the nature and quality of things, we can be present, aware of everything we do, of the things we use and where they came from, how they were produced, from the moment something was planted or extracted from the ground, and how the sentient beings were managed. We can bring ourselves out of some heroic story in our imaginations that follow a limited story, that really only serves the real welfare babies living in paper castles scheming up toxins and wars, lost in a checker board game that is in separation from reality. 

The language of life, is not going to be the language of a false imagination. Out present politicians are so lost in a game of power that they no longer have any connection to reality. And we, the ones below lost in patterns and habits and accepting the unacceptable, are the means to put an end to a system on earth that is not the image and likeness of life. To realize what we are doing, we need only look at what we are doing, in every move we make. When we do this, we will realize how absent we have allowed ourselves to be.

Since we are absorbent beings, what does a perfect practice? What does an imperfect practice - or limited practice? How are we informing ourselves? Are we master of who and what we are?  Would the real nature of each fit into life, as life would birth only what is best? Would the real nature be the best of you, and would that be what is in tune, and hence what is eternal? 

Day 654 Returning to Common Sense.

Returning to common sense.

Last night, as I was driving back from a second presentation for the week, I wanted to go into all manner of self doubt and give up. The problem is that the drama within and as me, had no common sense. This was myself looking at lack, instead of the very measure of the world around me. I had to stop, as I do so often these days, in terms of the beliefs, opinions and ideas that swim around in my mind, as what my own mindfulness is, filled with a measure that categorizes things within values of more than and less than, ignoring the practical right in front of me. I live on and as a physical beingness, and this physical world has an order of creation, built of parts, as cells, and probably even smaller particles. And these parts, collectively form me, here. It is a magnificent thing for sure. 

And yet, here I am imagining all manner of doom and gloom situations that bear no witness to this practical living measure. Instead, I am in an imaginative construction of limited ideas, made larger than the life around me, the physical life around me. I have accepted and allowed what is usurious as a verb, and pyramidal as a form, composed of limited values that are metaphysical, because they are not in common sense of this physical means of expression, which would be to include all life!

Within this limited construction lived in an imaginative state, I have become a mind consciousness and not a life consciousness. I have allowed a bubble of limitation to define who and what I am.

And, because I learn through spaced repetition, I become what I believe as a measure, I program myself with a metaphysical ideology, that does not fit into what I am, causing a dis-ease within my physical self and with the world around me, hence instead of seeing directly here, I end up in my car, driving down the road, imagining a lack, believing my inner measure to be true, and everyone else’s measure to be  the fault in comparison to my own. Yet, right here, right in that moment, is the obvious answer, I am in separation from common sense, and that common sense is right here in front of me, all the time, has always been! Thus, it is only me who can be the blame, because I accepted it, I allowed it. I am the cause of my own separation and I am the only one that can change this lesser measure that is chaotic because it does not fit into reality, as the physical. I am the cause of friction as the conflict within composed of self pity, and spite towards the world around me. I am focused within a construct of lack. I have, because I learn through spaced repetition, accepted limited measures about reality, again and again until I have believed them to be true. Hence when I race as my own measure of expectation, and that expectation is not lived exactly as my inner picture show stories, I crash. 

As I drove, I stopped. The blame and spite in my mind, sometimes blaming  a lack without, and/or a lack within, judging another and/or myself as not being enough, has nothing to do with using common sense, realizing that we all are doing this, and grounding what is always right here, as the solution of bringing everything back down to earth, as in moving into a common sense measure with the means of myself being here, which is the physical world. The means of this is always the simple. And that simple is always right here in front of me, it has to be, or the ubiquitous media shower of a ‘ good’ that is a false positive would not be so effective in causing a metaphysical society in separation from earth as mankind! 

That ever present and constant media uses a spaced measure of constant remeasure to ensure common sense is not used, to distract one from what is real, as the physical world that is creation information. LOL, the media uses a limited information and repeats it again and again, to induce, or divide the within measure of each person from what is real, the physical world that is creation information.

Someone said to me this week, as I brought up what is called the ‘ harem effect’ that this was only showing the preference of a person. Yes, this is true, yet it is that preference when used to define a person, as a set of values preferred, that the rest of the many wonderful values as qualities of the physical world are ignored, hence an expansion within one’s awareness of the qualities of the world around us, are denied, as those limited values that are not bad values, are chased to serve one’s personification of oneself. That personification when made larger than the physical is a limitation. If one decides to be that measure, because it is a measure, that is cool, yet remember that one is ‘ trying something out’ and within this to respect all other measure as being of equal value, where not one is more than another. And remember that if one remains within one measure, it can become an illusion of truth, which leads to becoming stagnant, where that truth becomes a comfort, and change appears to cause a death of one’s habit or measure which appears to be uncomfortable, and is really only un- com-forting one’s value system composed of qualities in a moment. Thus, it is as though one took on some values in a moment, and within that forgot, or dismembered one’s self from everything else in this physical world. If one remembered this, then change would be a transformation instead of a death. 

Yet all of this shows how much we are creators!  If we look at how fluid children are, how they absorb and change and develop, we can understand that this is our real nature, to be able to change and take in form and function! Our within is really just like water, we can take on the form of the world around us, and come up with new ways of doing things! In all common sense, this is how men, as their real nature, can come up with new ways of doing things that improve our understanding of the means of living as the physical world around us. And, this is when we are most happy, because we are using all of ourselves to sense the world around us! This is the gift of life, within and as us. This is the instrument of the physical world as us, moving in fluid constancy as change with creation as the physical world as life information!

It is only because we have allowed ourselves to believe an inner measure for a moment to be more than the world around us, as the physical, that we have become stagnant and interior to life. We are living in fear, we are allowing a false evidence to appear real! And that false evidence is composed of qualities that are inflated values ignoring all values as being a part of life! It is really very simple. Hence, spiting and blaming another’s value system which is self blaming and spiting self’s value system because it is all composed of values existent within the physical, is really only a paranormal event in one’s mind and not an act of respect for life. It is not self being self as life, it is a disconnect from one’s real nature, which is fluid and changeable like water.

So, as I sat in my car, I realized that all the fear moving through me in the form of believing in a lack and blaming that lack, within and without, and realizing that the expectations I held based on limited values that missed a common sense of reality and the separation that exists as the minds of men, I have to slow down, and realize the hue on men, is a measure of limited values believed to be more than reality, that have become one’s greatest weakness as false evidence appearing real, a meta-physical construction of values that are great strengths because they are aspects of reality, as the only thing that is real, is the physical world as this is life information.

The warning here, is that the imposition of a false god, as a limited meta-physical construction of beliefs, opinions and ideas, to define one’s self, perpetually made larger than life, will destroy life, render it shattered because that imposition of lack, does not fit into creation, cannot and will not. As life takes that which is good and does no harm. Unless each man, removes the hue of self interest, and respects the physical world, which means working with the physical in ways that do no harm, using one’s real nature that is fluid like water and considering all things, within each moment, the physical world will shatter and disintegrate, as we see happening all around us, especially in the state of health of our trees. We are, if we continue to allow hierarchy, destroying this earth and creation, we are destroying the means to being life in expression, as nature is the product of what works in the physical, as what works in the physical is what fits in symbiotic ways.

We have one chance, one life, we can realize equality, as everything being us in another form/life, or we can stagnate in a mind consciousness that is a limitation forgetful of the real creation as the physical world guiding us towards what works as in what does no harm, taking that which is good as this is the action of respecting all things.

Day 651 The presence of a baby in nature; silent, stable, lite, fluid.

Yesterday I walked with my young three plus month old nephew. We walked around the house, his hands reaching out to touch what was before him, The baby also being aware of the spatial measure within the distance of his hand and what was before him. He would reach out, draw his arm back and try again. He also would move his arm in a circular motion, as though, as it appeared to me, to sense more than what was directly in front of him that he eventually reached to touch.

Then I went and walked outside in the gardens with him. There was this sudden change in him, in his presence. It was as though this silence to a greater degree became what he was. The degree of this change, into a presence of such silence, astounded me, as it was different than how he was when we walked in the house as how I sensed this in the moment. It was like he took a breath and lowered himself into an ease, as how I saw this, within such a differential degree, I just stopped. I realized in that moment, how that state of silence, was such a state of ease and wonder, I can understand why some gravitate towards babies.

It is not the baby, it is how the baby is within themselves that is what is peace inspiring and comforting. As this is showing the degree of separation from being present and aware of this physical world around us, where the very fabric of this physical world is a stability that is constant, and that moves with ease, the ease of expressing a sound of life information.

It also showed me the degree with which I am a mind consciousness, a shaky limited measure of belief, opinion and idea that considers my survival as knowledge and information without acceptance of life, life that is all around me and there to support me, to allow me to become equal and one with the physical to pass through the eye of the needle into life. 

Hence, the solution is to breath, to slow way down, to forgive the projections of blame and spite, calling something a bad, wanting an entity of mind consciousness to change, an impossibility, as each is the source of one’s own demons, and responsible to see, realize and understand the inner picture show that is the separation from seeing directly here, and being at ease with the very fabric of life that moves in an absolute purpose of expressing what does no harm and takes that which is good, to remain constant and stable, in the value being life in expression, This can only be here.

And, that fear, that sinking within, that sense of a vortex like spiral pulling inward, in protection and self defense in fear of a loss is as much a entity of no real value, and a negative value that manifests as petrification, hence a heaviness to it that has no fluid ease and presence equal to life as the physical fabric of life surrounding us and allowing us to be life here. That fear is what I fear to lose as an idea about myself, and if I slow down and look, I will see, realize and understand that this fear has no real substance and can only define me if I accept and allow it. This fear  has no self directive capacity into that awe and that ease that gives a simple and stable directive capacity. Hence the choice is only to take that which is good and does no harm if we as men want to build a solid and stable world and really become equal and one with creation, meaning if we really want to become the creators we were meant to be.

It is like, to use the constructs of belief we are immersed within and as, we are all ‘ artists’ and we either choose to understand the real art of life as the substance that builds the physical world, or we remain scattered and restless as energy- the by product of our separation. It is like money, as how we are using money, to allow access to a few instead of flowing money as the means to what sustains us and allows us to care for the world around is in common sense ways, to develop this innate ability to care for our environment directly seeing as each part what allows the full potential of all things to express their from and function as life.

As we can all realize, the limited monopolies, that are of a structural rigidity, are to order our separation, And these rigid structures tear apart the physical to build a pyramid scheme that creates our class warfare, and our war economy, and our war on health economy, all of which is ripping asunder the physical world to order and control this separation into mind consciousness. Mind consciousness is a limited story, that can layer within, and as knowledge and information without practical application, it does not fit into the physical, which is why we end up in a bed, shaking as our physical twitches of mis-alignment, our fears clenching us within, consuming the flesh as the physical. The way we are using our resources to support a limited system that is in separation from creation. We end up a shattering mess, in total separation from what we are when we are a baby, which is that silence, that ease, that ability to sense the space of here, and rest in a awe that is of ease, present, silent and expanding in awareness of the physical world, as the physical world is life/god/a gift/ expression of what is good and builds a sound stable existence to create within and as the same substance as what we are.

Accept yourself as life. Stand equal and one here with the physical. Time to get this physical world in order, realizing what is best for all, and becoming equal and one to the flow of life that is the substance of all things, around us in every moment, it is only ourselves that reject and resist, thus no one can bring you back to life but yourself. It is time to self forgive your self back into equality and oneness to and towards life, here.

Day 650 Drowning in limited knowledge and information. What is being polite?

Politeness

Within resistance, I realize that I have ideas/beliefs/opinions that I have allowed to be more than being here, in common sense of practical living. Within the word politeness, I cater to the beliefs/opinions and ideas of another, which is really protecting my own beliefs/opinions.ideas. None of this self definition based on not having been practical in a physical world, using what a feral child uses to learn to smell like a wolf- focusing the physical body into sensing here- can create a presence as that sensory/reflective ability to see directly here as the physical world.  That self definition is a secondary, metaphysical construction composed of the division of reality into a  energetic entity that is a separation into a limitation as what is real, as being the act of being present within the real physical world around us. The actual physical world is what works to support life, to express life. For example, nature has no borders, it is symbiotic, its waters flow everywhere ( unless an idea that disrespect this, cuts down a forest without spatial awareness of the consequences of such an act, and in so doing washes away all the organic matter that holds the water- or allows the water to circulate above the sedimentary rocks etc.) Such an act reflects the separation into limited respect of physical existence. It is a hued man chasing a metaphysical ideological construct which has been said is the making false idols. False idols are demonic, because they impose that limitation which in the end , as the word suggests, de-mans self as a physical expression of life. Then the physical, as that forest, is torn apart and scattered, like the fairy tales tell us, we become fractionalized into spread out parts, like Humpty Dumpty- where no systemic men can put you back together again, as only you as that substance can refocus yourself here, back into what is real, which is the physical- no metaphysical construction necessary.

If we look at our monetary system is it the image and likeness of what we are doing to ourselves within.  A false god that has no regard for life and the capacity of that life to create is lost. What is  lost is the choice of life as the action and directive of what does no harm, taking that which is good.

Thus politeness is answering to the metaphysical construct and not being practical here. And, because this has been allowed and practiced it is like a entity running as the a mind consciousness that consumes the flesh, tearing it apart, where in death, the body begins to shut down, twitching and suddenly shaking as the information releases and plays out, the presence buried in delusions of the past, as one’s self definitions has nothing else to consume. Meanwhile, what is left gasps for air, fearing to lose that self definition, where there is no longer any physical left to maintain the vessel of life as the physical body. The body itself, tied in knots as the consequence of constant suppression,  as the effort to maintain that ideological self has lost all ease of movement, fighting to maintain this idea self.

It begins on day one, because the adults model this, and the child absorbs this measure, this measure of sub-traction from being life. The schools perpetuate this, forcing the limited story of the victors that are also this, yet just happen to be on the systemic gain side of this fractionalizing system that has the same outcome no matter where one happens to be in this life within where one is placed at birth/ as their berth on earth.

Thus, ego is the expression of a limited story, using the parts of a picture, which can then be brought back down to practical living. One must really slow way down, and realize the spin of the meta-physical construction within, and with every breath as a marker, cross reference the real , actual physical world. 

One can respect the metaphysical part for a moment, and draw it back down to the ordinary, giving the ease to move here, equal and one with and as the physical world that is life in expression which is creation.

So what is real politeness?  It is to see the justifications as the polarity that is the nature of justifying a limited self definition as what a metaphysical mind construction would be, and realize that that ideological mind consciousness is rejecting qualities of reality in fear of loss of that construction. And, it is to realize that we all are this, the marker of which is a loss of being in common sense of what is physically happening to every part of this world, and, also, not seeing, realizing and understanding the nature of the accepted and allowed systemic design that creates consequences that are not what is best for all. Overall, to realize that one cannot place a child/tiger in a box, and expect that child/tiger to reach its full potential. And it is not that placing a child in a classroom to listen to information is bad, it is that placing a child in a classroom for six hours a day, is like placing that child underwater, too much of anything can cause one to drown- so to speak. This is what is meant by a false positive. Any adult can realize that being in the real practice of physical living, teaches awareness more than any sound picture as words written by the victors of this system of self interest for a few when the experiences are not enough to realize the sound formations, and even here, to realize that the physical must always be cross referenced- a scaffold only a means to build in a moment or to communicate a sound multidimensional structure that in itself, cannot be made more than the actual physical. Our system is moving in the opposite way, against life, it cannot work and it is not working. It is time to take that which is good and transform our system, and to bring what we believe is heaven, as mind consciousness, back down to earth, to stand as the real creators we were meant to be, to begin to realize, as live, the full potential of our physical bodies.

I have to, in every moment, slow way down and breath, realize where I resist, as this is where I do not consider reality as the physical, to ground myself here, equal and one to and with the physical world. As this is myself as life, here, being forgiving with and to life as what I am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a mind consciousness, disrespecting the life that is me around me as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that I can, in every moment, with every breath, slow way down and cross reference the actual real physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become inferior to life, and within such an emotion, to not within breath, to cross reference where I fear to lose some ideological construct that I have accepted and allowed to define me, and as such made into a superior entity as belief, opinion and idea,  a metaphysical smoke and mirrors show that is like a de-manning of my presence to see directly here, to allow myself to respect life, and as such become equal and one to and as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the depression of knowledge and information, as though it can suppress the presence of myself as life, as within and as me as who I am as life, is able to move through the storm of emotions and feelings, and ground myself in common sense in and as the small measure that is in front of me in the moment, as the physical world is composed of small steps, working in symbiotic ways which is the way and the means to ground myself here, and take that which is good and does no harm, as this is the message of equality and oneness with and as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the ‘ big brother ‘ of a mind consciousness composed of limited knowledge and information, false positives and rejection of qualities that are the real measure of life, as the means to live as myself in full potential of being presence here, being the directive capacity of myself here, building self trust, self responsibility equal and one with what supports life, as what is real, is that which takes that which is good and does no harm, considering all things.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I am my own self punishment when and as I accept only the polarity of belief as mind consciousness in separation from practical living/life as is the nature of life in expression as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become angry of my own separation, that i have accepted and allowed and to fear the consequences of such a separation, where the solution is to walk myself back into what is always right here in front of me, as the practice of respecting the physical world, as moving in small steps to reach equality and oneness with the physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that constant struggle, fighting, is a resistance that has no rest as the quality of its signature, and to let this go, forgive, and follow through as in grounding myself here, realizing resistances as a gift to align myself equal and one to myself as life, to stand as the living word of equality and oneness where my false positive heaven, is brought down to earth, to become the creator I was meant to be, here.

When and as I find myself becoming confused, I stop I breath, I slow myself down, I take the part as in listening to here, as the separations and the actual practice of what respects and accepts the physical world, to see, realize and understand that which is good and does no harm, to live equality and oneness to and as life here.

When and as I find myself becoming tense, as in my shoulders moving into defense, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I see realize and understand, through listening, where I am within a mind consciousness of limited knowledge and information and I stop, I cross reference the practical physical world, to allow myself to build a self directive capacity that gives myself the ease, as that comes with self trust within and as myself respecting life, the physical that is all around me.

When and as find myself becoming heavy within and as my solar plexus area I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I bring this de-man into my heart, to self correct , forgiving spite and blame projections as self pity and fear of loss, to realize the practical steps that ground myself here, equal and one, to enjoy the full potential of life as the physical.

When and a s I find myself moving into projections of spite and blame, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I self correct into what would practice what is constructive in communicating the small measures necessary to communicate with ease, what grounds my presence as myself as life, here.

When and as I find myself in fear of loss, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I self correct through forgiving any spite and blame, into and as what is the small step as myself here, in the practice of respecting physical life that is me, here.

This, the solution to being polite is pulling on the strings of separation, and bringing the ego back into the small as the ordinary that grounds into the gentle and humble ease of being focused here, equal and one, building self trust in self honesty with and as the life that is me being present here, in respect of life, to which I commit myself to stand as equality and oneness with the physical, here.

Day 640 A moment in mind consciousness ONLY! STOP!

Yesterday, I went into a sinking personification as a belief that I had failed, that getting through was impossible, and from there I realized, wait, it is a practical world where we create a within that is not equal to the without, an above that is not equal to the below. The below being the source of the projection that is not equal, as the physical world. I have looked at how this all works, as what a thought is, and how a thought when done again and again, through space and time, repeated, over and over, becomes a ghost in the machine, describing the machine, creating conflict with the real mechanism of and as the physical. The entity of belief, spiraling like a christmas tree light, unable to fit into the physical because it has not considered the physical, yet becoming the program of the physical in slowly diminishing the physical, and as information considered knowledge, becoming what directs, where the directions cause many mistakes in the world because it ignores what is here, and then blaming the missed things for being in the way. A backwards way of being! The information being what is accepted and allowed, spinning around in self justification because it is all that is what is informed. I mean, there is no information to enable one to slow down and watch the grass grow, and yet, this is who one really is under/behind/throughout/within before the information entity of limited focus/value/insight began to be one’s self definition. 

Thus, all emotions and feelings are a lie. The real state of being as life, must be that of a fluid ease, here, enjoined, with what is here, always moving as the solution of and as what is best for all. It is to be saturated with all that is here, where each movement is in focus, a focus that is all that one is. How satisfying would that be? lol, one could say it would be the ultimate ‘ drug’! One that would cause no harm!

Yesterday, I had to drive in a lot of traffic. As I slowed down to turn onto a side street, I noticed a biker just behind me, so I could not turn, I had to stop. At the same time, I noticed a large car behind me, right on my tail. I feared stopping suddenly, because of the car behind me was so close, and at the same time, I could not turn because of the person on the bike beside me, was moving pretty fast. So, I pulled slightly over to the side, leaving room for the biker to pass and the car behind me to swerve further out onto the road if need be. The biker, was uncertain, hit the brakes swerved around me on the other side, yelling and cursing at me, and the white car behind me, appeared to be less than an inch from my rear fender. I was not moving very fast, overall. Thankfully nothing more happened than being yelled at by the biker, whom I was being considerate of. 

I found myself becoming frustrated and angry, and very tense. I wanted to blame the car behind me, and I wanted to yell at the biker. In all, it was one of those situations where everything was tightly compressed,  and considering the objects in the space, seemed overwhelming. So, it was that energetic need within me, to immediately blame and spite, project stories onto the car behind me, the biker, catching the details of them in a moment and comparing them to a moral good, using the details of the objects in some quantum measure to belittle and make me feel better in a superior way, when overall, I was afraid, afraid of an accident, afraid of the consequences of an accident, and all the blame and spite that might , or might not, come towards me, should an accident happen. One huge  motion picture show of morality using cultural measures to protect and defend myself and all the while, I am in total separation from reality. 

As I turned onto the quiet road, I slowed down, saying to myself, no, going into this is not being here, does not solve problems, is not that which brings solution. STOP stop stop.

I had to realize that earlier in the day, I had had an expectation about something, and upon reflection, realized I had not been practical in space and time, within what is a process that must move in an ordinary way, to reach the solution that is the extra-ordinary. I can’t get to the extraordinary until I walk the practical. So, in the moment I continued to drive on the quieter street, I did forgiveness, and remembered the script of here, the practice of walking step by step, realizing  how this physical world functions right here before me, to ground myself in a stable practice of living where I could be calm, directive, finding solutions, realizing practical steps in a physical reality and reaching the ultimate reward, being at ease, enjoying simply being here, and instead of chasing an idea, I stop, slow down, cross reference the practice of realizing that what is best for all is right here in front of me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to a biker cursing me out for entering ostensible cutting in front of him.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to blame the car behind me for being right on my tail.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought “ I was considering you, you idiot”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become unhinged, within myself, all the while realizing that moving into such judgement was not solving the problem.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that the source of my self accepted and created ire, was from earlier in the day, and as such probably a self accepted and allowed distraction from looking at what was behind me and beside me, in the busy traffic a few seconds earlier, being aware as in being consistent in noticing that the traffic was very busy and that this meant not only to notice this, and to also remain diligent because of it.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I was the cause of the upset around me, having become lost in my own story of expectation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to rush an outcome, without walking the practical ordinary steps necessary to reach the extra ordinary outcome of the goal that I allowed myself to rush towards without considering the practical world around me, where there is enough space and time to move in careful ways.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not slow down and stop running as a story in and as my mind, to instead realize the practical details of living here, a real story that considers all things around me, in every moment, to walk step by step a real practice of living here, equal and one within and as what is best for all, as this is best for self.

When and as I find myself reacting, within and as me, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, I see realize and understand that i am moving into spite and blame, using a morality of limited values, to protect and defend myself  instead of realizing and as such respecting what is here as the physical, and to accept that which is myself as life, that reveals the way and the means, of becoming equal and one to life here.

When and as I find myself building within and as me, an ire, as a short tempered fuse, ready to burst at the slightest provocation - or so I believe- I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, I assess where and when I accepted an idea, belief or opinion, to define me, and where I became in fear of losing something, and as such expecting something, and I evaluate my accepted and habituated morality, to bring my own self interested judgements back down into the practice of living, as the journey of myself back to life, out of a mind consciousness system only, to realize with every breath, what is best for all, slowing way down, to move step by step into what is a real natural state of being, where I can, slow down enough to ‘ watch the grass grow’.

When and as I find myself rushing, and becoming impatient, I stop I breath, I slow myself down, and I assess where I have not investigated enough to ground myself here, into a self corrective application that can stand and direct my actions in ways that bring clarity and stability that is sustainable within and as what brings solutions that is the process of respecting the world around me as life as the physical.

Day 635 What is a thought? What is a feeling? What is an emotion?

All over the world we have what is known as education. People pay money for this, and communities create schools for this. We all understand that the apple does not fall far from the tree. Thus, we can all understand that when we have opportunity, we are exposed to all manner of things. And this exposure is what expands us. Then why do we not realize that people who lack opportunity will not develop practical common sense? A person who is developed, as exposed, is more self directed, more successful, more able to do. Any lack in a person, no matter their race, is a consequence of lack of opportunity to build understanding. Thus blaming lack for being in lack, in a system that only allows access through money, is by design a system of suppression. It places one in a box, it is a control mechanism. It is in all regard, a crime against this physical life. That lack, is the ignored external formation, hidden through a mathematical mean, based on judgements after the fact, that enables some the delusion that they are more than others. Yes, one could say they are more, but this ‘ more ‘ is a consequence of natural development, not the ‘ end’ as a starting point as we are lead to believe, as what is touted through media and each of our words because it is each of us that has allowed this. We have allowed that shadow of belief about ourselves to direct instead of seeing our constructs of belief about ourselves as being a consequence of measure about the world around us. Many, many are suffering because of this crime against life. Especially the animals and the microorganisms that are the building blocks of life in our soils. We each have, in effect, allowed a shadow to overrun conception. And that shadow has manifest as a lighted picture in our minds and as our media without. We are the zombies we fantasize about. These zombies we create in the movies we watch are our own resistance to what we have allowed ourselves to become. These movies are another form of our own shadows as our own halos of thought. Thus, we can blame no one for what we have accepted and allowed, no one said we had to do this.    

So, what is a thought? What is an emotion? What is a feeling?

A thought is an idea about something, an opinion about something.

An emotion is that thought repeated, again and again until it becomes an overwhelming force that directs one’s self. I mean we learn through repetition, so what you repeat, as what you think, is what comes to direct you - that self inside and as that physical body. And this can be passed down, as the sins of the fathers, as the repeated beliefs as measures that your parents and your parent’s parent’s programmed themselves as, as their beliefs, as their measures.

Thus, an emotion is a repeated thought, which was an idea, as a measure accepted/taken/believed about living here in what enabled one to measure in the first place, the physical.

A feeling is the emotion compounded and turned into a justification for that emotion. This is like saying a positive is a compounded negative. In math, when we multiply a negative with a negative, we get a positive! 

Then that feeling is a desire, and anything that does not match that memory game, is resisted, rejected, cast aside. Congratulations, you have become a member of the self accepted formations within that are shadows on the wall of your mind, that is essentially, a zombified race. 

You are all charged up, just like a television. You have created your own tele-vision within. you are a hued-man. How about becoming what you really are? A man. one filled with great potential, and great creative ability, because, it is a creative act to build that television, just a misplaced one that is causing all manner/measure of destruction on earth. If enough of us began to realize this, the elite that use this in their self interest ( they are us, the same) would not stand a chance. And they know it. In the end, the ending of this limited information within, would be what is best for all. And we would realize that the choice of ending this, would be like giving up everything to gain everything.

This is why, we are all responsible for the refugees seeking asylum in this world. This lack is a consequence of ignoring this world, this physical life. These people are perfect machines of life, that can, with opportunity, absorb and expand and grow to become productive mechanisms on this earth, to support this life that is physical and that can be joy manifest if we would only stop the very limited and lesser dimensions of ourselves as our inner belief constructs as mind consciousness systems.

Men, are wonderful machines, each unique, each having a perspective that no other man can have, thus are we all equal and unique at the same time!  A really beautiful design, as life would be. And this life is right here in front of us, we need only joyfully accept it, and rebuild how we organize all that is of this earth, to become a functional system that is life in total expression. Besides, it would be fun, really fun, more fun that any of us could ever have imagined.

I suggest taking that leap. I suggest walking over that line, and starting self forgiveness, writing and self corrective application, to release and refine those emotions, to name those thoughts, to realize those feelings as being the limitation, where that bling in that energy as this lesser dimension of self, is what is slowing you down to achieving your real dreams. Begin the journey to life, start the Desteni I Process Lite. Listen to the Eqafe.com interviews. Suspend judgement and belief- that measure within made larger than life. Accept the physical, it is god giving you the chance to pass through the eye of the needle and into life.   

Day 633 The point of pride, riding a desire to participate.

The point of pride, riding a desire to participate.

In writing some SF today, I noticed a point of pride. I have noticed this point of pride as an impetus to do something, but have not realized the distraction of even a small measure of this as how I direct myself in living here. 

Yet, there is was, some pride riding another desire to participate in living, like a statement within me as ‘ I can move, as participate within this’ or that activity. The thought of ‘ I can’ coupled with the the excitement of participating and feeling proud to do so. Such a subtle thing, but a distraction none the less, and not a self honest directive in assessing what is before me, and moving as what is best for all. That subtle desire motivating me, instead of common sense in the moment.

A desire to participate in life is a good, yet it is a natural thing, because of what I am as a physical state of being. As an idea, in and as my mind, I race forward as this, instead of just being here. And also, I can see, in what has been allowed as a collective social construct, our system is like a revolving door construct of survival, so venturing forth means taking a risk, and this means that that game of this is the only thing seen, making it more complex and scary than need be. If I remained grounded, here, would it appear as something that is a risk or something that is more a smoke and mirrors show, that can only direct me if I accept and allow it, as this earth and how this earth functions is all around me, the harm being done obvious, when one steps out of self interest, and respects all things, taking that which is good and does no harm.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to direct myself in and as  a gain, in and as a belief as a thought that “ I can participate.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to participate, meaning being a desire, instead of a directive principle in and as an impetus of doing what is best for all as a starting point, which is myself moving in common sense instead of as idea, belief and opinion.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought “ I can participate”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become an excitement in and as an energy of “ I can participate.”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see the negative polarity within and as this as a judgement that I cannot somehow participate

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting  myself to become a belief in and as a thought, as an idea, based on a morality of good and bad, danger and safety, that I cannot or that I can participate.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to in tandem with this, become a energy of pride, in and as self aggrandizing myself as a belief, which is a judgement, within and as a belief of good, in and as a motivation as idea, that ‘ I can participate.’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that I am acting in self interest as a starting point

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that there is nothing wrong with participating in what is here, in and as simply being here, as the joy of being a physical state of being as life in expression as life information here.

When and as I find myself becoming excited, in and as wanting to participate, and as such being motivated as an energy of rushing, or jumping in, or watching for in entrance to participate, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down and I check myself within and as me, to become brutally honest with myself, to cross reference what I have allowed within, and what is around me without, to see, realize and understand that which would consider all things, taking that which is good and that which grounds me here, and I realize a movement that is one of ease, as in not based on idea, as an addition of rushing in, an action colored with pride, hidden in excitement, and I, after assessing myself as the world around me, then realize myself as life, as that which moves with ease, monitoring my breath, to ensure that I move as the directive principle of oneness and equality, as that which is good and does no harm, to stand equal and one with and as life here.

When and as I find myself missing my breath, especially when I am around a crowd or group, and sometimes even when I am alone, I stop, I slow down, I breath, until I am grounded, and I assess myself within and the world of life in expression as the physical information around me, and I ensure I am calm, at ease, my breath moving with ease, and I direct myself in brutal self honesty in and as joy, in and as an ease of respecting the physical as life, as myself, where nothing can be lost and all can be gained as this is a movement of myself, directing myself equal and one with and as what I am which is life.