What is Draining the Swamp ? Day 752

I had a conversation within someone where the ‘ math’ or equation as words contained value judgements as ideas, beliefs and opinions. Myself, though not emotionally reactive to a large degree, found myself rushing to answer to ideas brought forward. It is about, for me at the moment, bringing things down to practical basics, or, down to real time, on a physical planet, down to the ground, to the simple.

It is when things are voiced again, as though being brought forward as a truth, lacking details of the basics as to what we human beings are, and how we accumulated what we practice in thought, word and deed,  that I sense within me a rushing, which is a fear, as a drive to be correct or right. In this I lose my own perspective, and begin to drive, to combat, to force, to beg. 

I noticed that my shoulders come forward as though they are a protective border for my chest, as though I sink in my chest, thrust out my arms in a behavior of expecting a blow. IT is as though the ‘ blow’ of something, already happened. It is as though, the words or behaviors which are a collection of words, reflecting ideas, opinions and beliefs, based on a past, on an environment, where the words also reveal wants and needs in relation to fulfilling ideas, and beliefs and opinions, to make such correct, or dominant, towards a goal that is in itself, lacking consideration of all things, of the basic starting point of being a physical being on a physical planet. Instead, a layer of ideology, lacking practical consideration, is what is projected, personified, self defining, becoming a self interest elevated from the practical, this in itself lacking in any real sustainability, thus the nature of it, is, as energy, unsustainable, uncertain, and therefor, this has a forcing that is justification, because one has to get this out fast, in a way, before it is exposed, revealed, seen for what it is as what a justification hides. An emotional firewall of distraction, in protection of what?  

With the way I hold my shoulders, there is an underlying belief, that I am constantly in combat, as such movements of self preservation as personality, are the way things are. I must brace myself for the storm. It is so interesting, how what we practice, as what we believe, accumulates into physical behaviors, where I, as a reference, realize that I practiced this fear, this protection and defense, based on expectation as a judgement, that I am constantly being bombarded with stories of information lacking practical grounding in reality, ( as I am/was the same as what I speak of)  and that I must brace myself for this. I was so busy with this that I did not realize that which I did, that which I accepted, that which I then practiced, based on a belief, again and again and again, until this became so automated and embedded into my flesh, that it took time within slowing down and breathing, getting out and working through this, until I began to notice myself own self accepted constructions automated into my very flesh, determining my starting point, even when I realized this, slowed down listened to the words of others - all based in the same manner yet of differing measure - that I began to see where the process of synchronizing all of this, within and without, revealed how much I was doing that which I was unaware of, it had become such a habit. And, to note, that I feel like I am having deja vu, in this moment, because I have been here before, realizing the depth of my own deception in the construction of my own personification, of ideas, beliefs and opinions. 

How, on the one hand, within learning a musical instrument, I could see what the accumulation of my actions allowed, and moved into a flow, that I could them become automated in, to the degree where I actually lost control, and then had to reintegrate my movements with presence, and yet, not see this in who and what I am as a living human being on a physical planet? The simplicity with which manipulation is achieved, is astounding. Chaos, is done through limitation. That limitation separates from a natural awareness, as evident in the fact that children are not born with the dogma of religion or politics. And at this point in history, we can see that the religions and politics we allow on this planet, are not grounded in practical applications that consider all things and only take that which does no harm, which, to note, would mean that ensuring no harm means really taking the time to understand things, practically. Our religions and political systems tout themselves as lending morality, which if they need to tout this, it begs the question as to why? Because having to say something in a separate context, means that it is no longer self evident- which is a red flag in itself. A real morality, would be an honesty about the practical, giving as one would receive, which means doing unto another as the self would for the self, and the self, as life, would in a state of balance, not choose harm. 

In my conversation, that I noticed a rushing to prove something, even though smaller, I noticed my shoulders and chest taking on a formation of “expectation of coming blows”, done verbally, as a math of constructs as ideas, that I had to move in some way towards. It can be so subtle, what has accumulated and become automatically personified. When I am this, I am not objective about the content, nor am I as available to the math as the words, because I am caught up in a focus of expectation as protection, instead of real processing of reality. Again, I must realize that nothing can define me, but what I accept and allow.  And, that what is here can be ‘ played’ with as reformed, as grounded in the practical, in synch with this reality. And, also, that words can be used to define, to clarify, and to investigate to lend greater presence into awareness of all things. It is, in some ways, that considering the physical, is far easier than moving through mind constructs that I have me-more-eyed ( a resonant energy memory), automated and inter-netted within and as me, in separation from reality. Being in the math of a resonant memory, moves, by design, like a slow motion syrup. At times, with some, it is as though it can be sensed as a thick moving time frame- like a piece of music lost in a tempo unaware of itself. 

In tandem with this, is that sense of ‘ playing’ in a quiet and calm manner, where that construct of information comes like a movie towards me, as words, and behaviors somewhat similar to my own, of different dimension and color, as that same automation in others as my own, that sometimes I get a glimpse of, a sense of joy as being at ease can exist. It is like it is a problem that can be solved, like when one really knows their algebra, and can see the answer to the equation instantly, as one has practiced it enough to get to that point.  And yet, again, a morality in some way, within me, that moving into being playful and joyful about this, is simply not allowed. It is like a line I cannot cross. I see fear, and a belief that such is not possible. Like, how dare I even think about being this. And a sense that being so, leads to mistakes. Yet, if I look, the one fed the other, as the protection and defense system of expecting blows, which is a belief that I am somehow not enough, as I did not know how to decode and recode with clear communication, as I was more than likely a child, lacking language, that this whole persona - as a math, as a measure- was the choice that I made. I accepted and allowed this, and no one can change this but the self as me. It does not matter if it is my fault alone or not. And yet, calling this out by name, cancels it out, as calling things by name takes away that which is supposed, or assumed to be hidden. It is like, ‘ I can no longer go there.”

I met with another person, who agreed with the things I am saying above, and yet, on another front they denied in action that of which they agreed. They said they could not read a book that presented information through a venue that was overall counter to their belief.  This means they could not process out the relationship within the overall venue, to see the good in the book that was more of a universal form. This in itself,  reveals a relationship too polarized and of judgement, as the emotional value judgement about something, was too prominent, to bypass, to see through the graph into the substantive elements in the construct.  I myself am guilty of this, as there are books I pick up to read that have so much clutter around a cool point, that I decide to put them down.  

Last night I tested this out, and picked up such a book, and decided to highlight the key points that made sense, around the clutter. It made processing the form, the information, with greater ease, as I gave myself a behavior, to ground in the noise of the book’s words. It was also a point of looking at where I was rushing through passages, to make sure I was clear on my assessment, and to see that the person writing the book was themselves processing to make more sense. We must remember that words on a page, are just that, they can never be the real thing, and they always describe something. Unless one has real living experience with something, one cannot make a determination that the words on a page are valid. And, to realize, that there is so much in our immediate environments that reflect this reality, that we can relate things to the world around us to realize if words on a page are indeed substantive.  For example, I have seen more and more wild animals with mange that I can remember in my local environment. This is a red flag, because it shows an imbalance in nature, a tipping point in some way. With all the chemicals humans are taking and using, as pesticides and herbicides, did we not realize that such things of apparent no-significant-difference would eventually accumulate in our environments though our discharge of waste from what we eat and the chemicals that we take to supposedly maintain our health?  Would not such things in the law of building through accumulation, become an elephant in the room,  to the extent they burdened the environment to the point it weakened and effected the natural wild life? Yes, and this reveals how deep and ingrained is a personification in separation from this living reality. One must ask one’s self how automated has one become as ideas, beliefs and opinions, that motivate actions in a zombified way that is  a state of distraction via a composed resonant memory, to the extent one is not aware of what one places in one’s body and how much, over time the accumulation of such, as tiny small movements, affects the ecology of the planet. 

The quantification of separation is visible, in every move, in every word. One need only slow down, breath, begin to deconstruct one’s accepted and allowed personality as automated behaviors, and see through the emotional firewall built of limited and supposed beliefs to this living physical reality. One must, open up one’s chest of sensibility , as presence, and realize the value is life, as living in a physical composition as what life would be within the very means as the physical and being present within this, in consideration of all things, realizing the patterns of separation as a lack of focus on this living reality. Overall, what is more constant, is the symbiotic regenerative nature of a tree, than what are the practices of men at this point in time on this earth. One must change up one’s processing, deconstruct a resonant memory and begin moving  in relating words to reality, and thereby, begin to see in the momentum a default of automated beliefs, made personalities and deconstruct them to reconstruct a more balanced and grounded and respectful practice that is a relationship of living equal and one to how things are built, and how things in nature work, and how one can move more in synch with life. 

Who am I? What do I process as information? Day 732

I had one of those situations where I realized I was not doing the math. I was not looking at the numbers, I was not looking at the equation. I simply followed something that had been said again and again, and accepted this as a truth.  I was not really LOOKING. I was not cross referencing HERE, this reality and what mendacious formula was placed to and towards me. I was not seeing the gossip. I was not processing the words, and relating them to reality in common sense. 

How much d I do this? probably more than I realize at the moment. For example, I never realized that a virus has never been found! Viruses are described by what other things are present, so what describes a virus is what the virus is not. Or, a virus supposedly must be present because other things are present.  By law, one cannot say that something happened unless the thing is measured, and yet, within viruses, we accept decisions about a virus by what it is not.  This is another one of those things that is a subtle manipulation, in that the laws say the thing justifying the means, must be measured, and yet, the dogma propagated is what something is not, thus what is used has never been proven as fact, and yet we are lead to believe, through statements as a word, as ‘ virus’ as really being something that exists, when it has not been proven to exist and yet, accept its existence and accept recommendations about it based on its  non-defined existence. I can see where I could spin around in this, and probably already am. I am a product of this system, as this was the information around me, and I followed, meaning I did not investigate beyond the string of words presented. This is how an uninformed consent happens. This in tandem with a school system that imparts a general scaffold of information without real living opportunity to investigate and direct one’s presence into a real physical understanding through living experience.  Here, I have to realize, in space, that somehow, I learned to crawl, I directed myself within that, thus I must have the capacity to move through the eye of the needle, meaning I must have the capacity to sense space, no matter how small. After all, I practice the smallest of movement of my hand to learn to vibrate on the violin, and I can see where my presence can sense that tiny change from the top of the back and forward movement of my hand with a relatively fast reading sense of the space! When it is said that one should be able to hear/here the grass growing- which I expect must be an awesome experience - it must be something we are able to do! 

This would mean that one’s focus must be HERE. 

I could also see where this would be so incredibly fulfilling, I can only imagine! The way out is not to imagine, but to focus here, in this creation in manifestation. It would be to get to now /here ( no-where, no wear, know-here) , as all of me. Yet, the separation into a bubble of imagination must be resolved, the math done, the presence here, accepting life, embracing myself and what is here,  as I would not want to be left behind, and therefor, I would not want anyone to be left behind! 

I must master what has been mastered into a mind consciousness, as imagination, that is using a limited math to live, instead of seeing directly the very math of creation here. I cannot do that alone, and yet I must do that alone, as all as one, as equal, too.

The very labor of me, must stand as this, unerringly, which is going to take practice and standing up from mistakes as I learn to realize what I accepted and allowed, as ideas, beliefs and opinions. Here, that labor of me, standing firm, staying the practical course, learning all details, processing the math of separation and the practical reality here,  as I as this, can create a movement that is sustainable, directing the labor of me into digits as the system exists, in a solid and supportive movement as no one can take that away. I am not beholden to secondary forms of support, what I am and who I am, and what I move as, stands stable, in every action, to support all as one as equal, here. It is a beautiful design! It is a design that builds real community. It is the opportunity for all to walk, on the ground, self empowerment, to be the change needed to bring heaven on earth, here. It is where the doers become the so called ‘ angel investors”, fulfilling themselves as life and spreading the living word here. 

My parents used to give me, for Christmas every year,  the figure of the hermit, the Santa Claus figure. They compared me to a person always caring a lantern, trying to bring light to things, trying to save the world. I remember being both proud of this and uncertain that it was not being used as some kind of insult. It both bothered me and excited me. Yet, this excitement that tends to cause me to rush, within this caring and throwing myself into something, is my own awe gone awry! It is myself, jumping into doing without processing what I am being within, and what is without, and the ubiquitous dogma as those ideas come to be accepted as a truth that I can blame no one for but myself, for accepting and allowing, as I did not really buckle down and investigate the details, and, as it was not modeled to learn to ‘ watch the grass grow’ meaning to really place my presence in discovering the smallest of movements that lead to a well directed self directive movement in this reality. I was too busy carrying that ‘ light’- so to speak. 

Yet, the impetus of a joy, an awe, simply tipped into ideas, as a mind consciousness,  means this can be balanced out through breathing and being present here, walking myself as my presence, with patience, back into, living here.  How awesome is that!  That is a real joy. I could weep for joy, and realize how much time I spent fighting and waring, and ignoring here, this reality. I have been doing this for so long, it is as though a part of me cannot believe I have potentially found what I had lost  and that it was always here.  It is like I left myself behind, chasing accepted mis-information. This creates a mixture of joy and shame, like how in the fuck could I have done this?  And, it was all ways, right there in front of me. I can only forgive myself, as begin to walk, in real time, discovering myself and real living, touching creation, a gift in-measurable in  the beauty of its design. I can enjoy, being here, it is who and what I am. 

Time frames of the mind Day 705

As we become what we practice, because we place our presence, our ability to sense a frame, a measure of time, a distance, a movement to do something, or order something, to sense its order.  Within this we essentially all learn the same way. 

We forget that our habits can become titles such as ‘ I am a visual learner’ which is secondary, and reveals more what movements and means and habits we have created, in a frame of time, as a structure that we then define ourselves as. We believe that the frame existed as what we define ourselves as, when that frame came after. Even though some of it was impulsed and passed down resonantly, in DNA, that seed of information. Or, because we in a sense, absorb so well, we absorb the measure, the morality of our parents. This is why religion is in the format that it is. It is structure, one must just question the structure, which is done through words and parables, or metaphors, the more one knows and can speak, on a soap box/podium/stage the more ‘ wise’ one appears. Key word: appears- in that bubble- away from the practical.

 The generations before us realized this, yet placed it in a metaphysical environment, as religion, within such statements as ‘ the sins of the fathers last for seven generations’  This is a truth that is right in front of us, yet it is connected to a threat of not getting into heaven- another televised vision, that matrix of energy that once the plug is pulled cannot withstand the test of longevity and was really the manifestation of our collective dissonance from real living, which is what bringing heaven to earth was all about. All practical. No Mumbo Jumbo! the real cells of life, are the physical things all around us. Science discovers this more and more every day. 

I make such statements again and again, because it is the means to the end. It is a mirage of separation, what we carry around in our heads, it is what was not grounded in practical reality, it is a within that is not equal to a without, it is why the child becomes all the faults of the parent. 

And so, the time frame of separation continues. This leads to a structural violence, prevalent in that life on the other side of the world whose time frame we ignore , or dare not to fathom, because it means we must realize how entrenched we are in our own individual time frames. It shows how much we fear being self honest. And yet, we see it, unless we are so far gone that we choose a very narrow existence, away from anything that counters our own time frames.

These time frames become reels of information, that bind us away from real living and real transformation. We become heavy with the rage of our own time frames, losing all spatial sense of reality, this physical existence. It begins with a tiny movement, that presence making a choice of using visuals, or kinesthetic learning, or what ever label one chooses. These are really justifications for not changing, and the screaming of limitation, to not become responsible.

The scream of limitation can manifest as voices running in the head, eating off the flesh.  If one’s back tempo of chat/ of voices/ of what one hides, are of comparison, one is jealous and competitive, comparing the smallest of things ( again revealing capacity of absorbing and understanding so much detail and measure- only misplaced with charged value judgements) within a relationship of survival and a feel good within an idea, or belief, that one is better. Sometimes it goes the other way, and one makes the judgement that one is less, hopeless, worthless. The measure, the song, the voice, that state is there, in the words, on one’s conception. It all becomes visible, as one speaks on parables/metaphors/value judgements silent or voiced, it is projected within or without, and it stems from the sea of potential within, as that starting point of creation, that begins with a movement. A very cool gift, it all depends on what one does with this, what one accepts and allows. The choices we make can do no harm, and can throw no one under the bus. 

Then, if one’s job/livelihood/MO is dependent on the limited structure of such belief, making a change is a threat to one’s existence, even at the expense of suppressing the real potential of another person within, especially a child. For this there is no greater crime, it is worse than anything any person in history has done, and it perpetuates the burden of seeded/noted information that is not what is best for those generations to come. All because I, or one, as the self, is not willing to stand up and speak of what is right here in front of us. We have become what we do, watch movies and entertainment running on reels - time frames of limited perspective. We are allowing this within. The moment one realizes that one has not heard what another person has said, is the moment one can live the extent of this of which I speak. I have to forgive myself all the time and ask another to please repeat what they have said. And, each of us are going to have to do this a lot, because this has been going on for a very very very long time. 

I can ask myself if i remember what I did yesterday. I can ask myself why I did not hear what another person said in a moment. I can ask myself why I cannot remember so many details about another life, a life I had with children in another country. I can ask myself why I have no sense of why when I wake a walk around the same island, that though I notice the plants are different every year, I cannot say why they are different, i have never used that great absorbent ability to sense why there are constant changes in the environment in which I live. It is because my presence is not here, it is up in a metaphysical construct, or lol, I wrote contract, of time frames, a morality, That I accepted and allowed, starting as a child, in a world that was of a society of men, in separation from creation. Walking back is a bitch, yet to hold the value of life within and as me, to become equal and one with and as it, is to live creation, to connect with the plants and the animals, first I must understand my own separation and the characteristics of that separation, and words and the processing and holding of numbers and words can help me to sort myself out, this and forgiving the time frames of limited values I have defined myself within and as. 

Also, the greater understanding I have of the money system, the greater understanding I have of the control mechanisms existent as the system on earth, I say ON EARTH because it is a construct that is not aligned with creation. It through control builds the survival game that is a busyness in a narrow focus. It is the outward manifestation of what each has accepted and allowed.  It uses the natural law in its own interest, the acceptance of a few determining what we thing, what we eat, and how we manage our health. None of it is working, thus it is time to become equal and one to the framework of the physical world, as it is life manifest, it is the real symbol. It is a living symbol.

When we can begin to hear the grass grow, then can we begin to work together and build heaven on earth. We have to get ourselves back to the real potential of who and what we are.  It is time to stand and accept only what does no harm, accept only what respects this earth, accept only that which is of no lie, meaning leaves no burden of justification, because it gives as we would receive, that which empowers each to see directly here. This means to process the information of life, which is physical. What we resist persists, what we ignore becomes an elephant in the room.  What we deny comes back to haunt us, and builds fire walls that consume our attention to such an extent, we leave this earth barely being able to walk because we have lost all spatial sense of what is real, the physical world. 

Day 627 The Fabric of My Persona

The Fabric of My Persona

I had an experience yesterday where I was alone with a human being playing a role in our society.  As I stood there talking with him, I could see some fears coming up in relation to my role towards his role. That uncertainty , like a fly buzzing around behind my head. I slowed down and went into the basics; I had been asked what I did.  The basics; myself in another life stood before me.

I notice often how we breath, our breath never really at ease. For me, this is an indication to slow way down, within and without. Slowing down the words and getting real simple. Often the words I speak, becoming metaphor, an indirect way. Given the limited time, it is to just stick to this, as it is not offensive or confronting. Yet, it can give a structure easy to hold, planting a seed.

In all of this, on reflection later, I realize as I looked at myself slowing down, how much effort within myself is used to maintain a persona. The rushing it involves. The act of slowing down, and moving into the basics, allows a respect of the persona, and a non-threatening calm. This that is used to separate, can be used to ground. Is this taking that which is good and does no harm?

Is this slowing down a ‘ novel’ experience, because of having spent so much effort and time using my awareness to build and  maintain a persona to survive?  That personification building and maintaining exhausting. This seemingly ‘ novel’ experience an ease that was always there and was more normal, so a double edged surprise? By this I mean, this is a discovery, so it is something new, and yet, it is what is normal. So, within the new, is the realization that the persona was one caught in a drama that had no reality, it was a storm in separation from what was natural, which was being equal to the practice of living in a physical reality.

Overall, this is not having had enough information about what we are here, in total. A loss of a sense of reality. In effect we are not grounded here, and it is being grounded here, that is that which brings ease. The dis-ease is being caught in the projection only. Thus, the compounded problems around us, are the effects of the effort to build a persona to survive without considering the practical application of living a physical life.  

Day 604 Despair and Space and Time, Self Forgiveness

Despair, I have been talking with my son about relationships and reactions when facing other people.

I gave him some perspective. I realized  later that the perspective I gave him I had not applied myself, or had applied recently and discovered something about being patient and gentle, within the understanding that being patient moved me through into a mutual understanding with another instead of a reaction leading to a mis-understanding.

Within being patient, I was not reacting, but standing the ground within what brought solution, which gave direction.What I found in this instance, specifically was that in repeating myself when talking with another, often lead to a point of understanding. Structurally, this patient repetition, a spaced repetition, through a storm of resistance, the argument of limitation as what one feared or believed that had no real stability, meant for me to remain within being gentle, humble and consistent in my words through this storm of reaction as belief that was in essence not clear, as it was based on some inner desire instead of what made sense in a physical world. Interesting that the physical world is always here, all ways here, bringing the practical movement, holding one gently if we only accepted it and allowed it because it shows the way of no harm, the way of creation, and all the parts that order in ways that are good.

I had spent time with another person, and it took time, with many moments where I felt uncertain, believing that my words were not getting through, as though I made an idol of my words, wanting instant and immediate understanding without realizing that reaching through automated self expression meant working one’s way through this to a point where this exhausted itself and an opening appeared where that point of vulnerability arrived and one stood there open because all had been said, because all had been exposed and either one resisted another or accepted them. but it is this point where within that vulnerability a connection can be made. For me, it was more like, “ yes I have listened, taken the good, and I am here, and I am not rejecting you, I am still here” Overall, this created a situation of calm, of acceptance, of a seemingly safe place to be where each could be themselves.

In the space and time measure, as the rhythm of things moving here, on this earth, conceptually the length and duration of these movements can be understood and timed within a practical application that considers these things, and yet if we have not learned to interact with all of this conceptually, like listening to an orchestral piece, we do not develop the means to direct ourselves here, and our memories are not of the practice of becoming aware of this space and time construct we live in.

The very use of time as a measure as our system, is what places a rigidity into our lives that separates us from practical reality, and yet the measure of space and the duration of the expression of what is here, is a measuring that self empowers each of us. So, the parts are not bad, but when used to separate as control into limitation of being aware, are such means a distraction from reality. And yet what started this? Was it each of us, because we chose to ignore one thing over another, not realizing what in essence what we were doing was comparing apples to oranges instead of seeing creation for what it is, an expression of which we were the same, and of which could change, so one form was us in another form, and that that other form could direct us into more understanding and discovery to the point where we could further play as creators of life information?

So, when I despair, I essentially have believed there was no way through, but here I have to ask myself to where I was going through to? I had to slow down and become equal in understanding with the moment, which means looking at reality and not the shadows of belief in and as my mind, from a system that propagated thinking over cross referencing practical reality, because being caught in thought only, was being in a metaphysical construction, a paranormal existence that forgot reality, and lost the movement of forgiving to the physical total state of being to cross reference what was for real and this being all of existence.

In despair I have lost a sense of space, and become the measure of my belief system, one that is extremely limited as mind. As mind is dependent on the physical, it has its own space to exist, and as such it lasts in bursts. As it has no real substance, and as it exists in the wobble of limitation, which is denial, and then moves into justification, it reaches a point of play out and then opens the silence, and thus the space to assess and realize separation. Structurally, if I stand as what is best for all, and repeat this, in the moment, if my words are clear, and I am open to change in subtle degree within that which is good and does no harm, that can remain. This need nothing other than being gentle and patient, because the strength of what can withstand the test of time , need only be gentle, much like the water on this earth is gentle. Even water can be gentle when frozen, all fluffed up as snow, and even steam can be gentle, washing around one warming the skin. lol.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to despair

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to use my own common sense as who I am as life to sense space and the imposition of time as a regimented system of control based on a belief stuck in comparison moving into competition because of a separation from creation as life information, as sound formation that just as water can change.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that an idea defines me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I cannot change.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to accept what is here in this moment, and to stand here in this moment accepting what is here, understanding it and enjoying it as life, as it reflects me to me, where I then can change in my understanding.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to criticize another in support of my own self interest as idea believing that something will be lost if an idea I have about myself changes.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that creation is always creating, and as such, changes, which means I am in constant change, and yet this is the way and the means into understanding creation here, accepting life information.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to be patient, without fear of change, as the physical does not change in an instant, but transforms, thus change is a process, one that moves in ways that I can understand and participate within and as myself as the very words I know, to commune with life as the physical, to participate in creation as what I am.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to become patient and gentle and humble, in my interactions with the physical life around me, to slow down and equalize with this creation, to see directly the muse of creation, of which I am an equal substance of and as, and as such to not despair, but to join in the community of life as the physical here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to rush within the game of survival, as ideas, beliefs and opinions as mind, a metaphysical existence of self interest and self aggrandizement in separation from remaining equal and one in conceptual consideration and respect of all life, which is the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to slow down and remain within and as my common sense, gentle and humble as what sense here is and does, to see realize and understand the measure of here as the physical and the mind in separation that cries limitation - that runs out of steam, that compares and within comparison fears a loss of self definition and competes to validate a self definition that is overall a separation from self as life and creation.

When and as I find myself reacting to limitation and self validation, within and without, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I ground myself here, to become patient and gentle, which is to fear no loss, to place myself within what holds me as the silence of eternity, to stand in cross reference of physical reality within and as what does no harm, and what self empowers another to understand the practical measuring of here is forgiving of and as common sense to see function and form which  gives answers when questioned to look at the parts and understand, taking the time to realize physical creation to then move in ways that do no harm.

When and as find myself moving into resistance as to what another says as idea, belief, and opinion, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand that nothing can define me but what I accept and allow, and that form can be understood, assessed, examined and considered and then directed in practical common sense ways as this is the capacity of myself as life here, as this is with all men, as physical being on earth, when given the space and time and support physically to do so as each is the very substance of and as life here.

When and as I find myself believing that all is lost, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down, and I realize the nature of myself as life is like water, that the common sense of me as me, is gentle and can cross reference reality here and understand the space and form as the physical in creation and investigate with the innate ability of and as me to cross reference and take in information here, to self empower me to take that which is good and does no harm.

When and as I find myself moving into despair, I stop and I breathe and I forgive myself to practical reality, understanding that with spaced repetition I can stand in thought word and deed within and as what is best for all here.

Day 587 Who am I within the systemic culture of women Day 2 Self Forgiveness and Practical Application

My reactions to women commiserating cont. Day 2

Going down that road of commiserating, leads to more problems than it is worth, or so I believe.  Situations such as this are fickle and can change in a heartbeat. I believe that such creates a burden where one should be there when that which one has built an emotional understanding with wants answer to it’s cause, no matter the time of day, or no matter what one is doing. The demands  of support to sustain are as intense as the changeability is fickle when the emotional bond becomes a hinderance.  Thus, I reject what I believe will enable my own survival, creating unnecessary conflict in my behaviors  within myself in the form of mental back chat, weighing options and trying to find variables that lead to the least amount of consequence. So busy with this inner value system, that I ignore practical reality, and acts of investigation that seek evaluation and  examination in practical terms, realizing that emotional and feeling bodies are a fear of loss and the justifications to counter a fear of loss of a self defined value in self interest without considering the value being life as physical beingness. Hence, emotional feeling values in self interest are not sustainable and volatile. Thus, I become the belief that to keep the enemy near is better than not knowing what is going on socially. The conflict within me is to run, because this consumes, and, at the same time, to remain, to guard against the fickle nature of self definition in self interest as energy. In all, this is why the physical is the gift of life, because it is creation in form, and it is this that is real and constant because what works is what causes no harm, which is what respects the gift of creation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to a value system of self interest as energy in and as my mind consciousness system, my program of survival in separation from practical physical reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become occupied with a loss of self definition without investigation within and as the physical, to evaluate and examine what would bring ease within and as realizing that the value is life, as the physical, to see, realize and understand  what causes no harm, and what is practical in support of all life, as the solution.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a belief that “ I am damned if I do, and damned if I don’t”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from here, from the physical into and as an idea that I must stay to survive, as in catering to emotional values of another, and that I may lose something if I walk away and do not accept emotional values.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a persona of survival, in and as allowing emotional feelings values without investigation into what is practical as what is best for all, an actual consideration and respect for the physical world, which is to realize all life as being the value.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that emotional values are a threat to my existence.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear emotional values, and react to counter them in self interest.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that  emotional values that I resist and  at the same time move towards in protection and self defense are of idea, and opinion, and belief, composed of a polarity as idea of “ if I am not looking like this, or giving of sympathy only as this, or acknowledging an emotion as something real to consider and pity only, then I am not a part of the game and as such will be eliminated”, when this overall, is stagnant because it considers only my personal gain and does not take the space and time in relation to actual physical existence to move into what expands one/myself out of the limited belief, where I can, actually, without fear, become equal to the limited belief and assess the parameters of idea and the fear of loss as idea only, and practically walk what would enable a sense of ease, the practical steps necessary to see solutions that give a sense of expression and self direction which is to focus on the physical as being life and here, to accept and view the mind for what it is, as being a matrix made larger than life that is a  disconnect from practical reality, here, and as such can realize itself as life through self forgiveness, writing out a constructed belief system and move into self correction as to focus here, on practical reality here.

When and as I find myself believing that I  am damned if I don’t and damned if I do” I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I realize that the “ what if’s” as thoughts within and as me, of judgement in fear of loss as idea,  and projections of spite and blame and a general overall sense lacking ease, and as such a physical sense of conflict and friction, where I become unstable and exist as a movement of instability like a subtle sense of “ vibration” within and as me as my physical body, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I assess practically what is here, and to realize here that I have over time allowed the conflict to seem so real, that the change appears as an illusion, when it can be taken in sequence of beliefs of what is more and what is less, a spin in comparison,  an overall act of separation and storminess in a bubble and here I stop, I breath, I slow myself way down, and I realize that nothing can define me but what I accept and allow and that the polarities of good and bad, can be walked into a practical application of what is best for all, as the physical world, within what does not harm.  

When and as I find a sense of anxiety rising up in my solar plexus, I stop and I breath and I apply a practical application, the way and the means to align myself to and as within respect of life, to actualize self direction in self empowering ways , that are often simple, and able to be done, here, that give space and time for the emotion to open up and move in self directive ways, which for many may seem as a “ novel” experience as the self movement as mind has become a habit, which means an automated movement, but as such was constructed, and can be realized and brought back to earth and changed within looking here, at practical reality and respecting life,  realizing that we are all the same, and that the physical is the gift of life, as this is creation.