Showing posts with label groups. Show all posts
Showing posts with label groups. Show all posts

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Day 557 A belief as " having to contend with a group."


Memory pops up of middle school. Lost my “ best “ friend. When I found out she was running for Orchestra President, I decided to run too. I ran and I won. She cried at the bus stop that day. I was a mixture of elation at having won and guilt that I had run in reaction. I realize at that moment too, that she had moved into another circle of friends, all of whom were more sexually mature than I. 

So, this memory, this imagination comes up with the word “ some.”  A sense that I have to begin to contend with the collective, the forces of social groups, more like I become aware of them. And with this a sense that I have to comply with this or lose ground.  A sense that the limitation of this, cannot be, I can’t allow it.

It is this idea that i have to contend with a group, a social group. But inherent in the “ contend” is the belief that a group is contentious in relation to me. That there is a con - dition in relation to being involved with the social groups formed around me. When I am with a group I must tend to the “ intentions “ of the group. I have already separated myself from myself as life in and as a belief that I as life must live by the limited, but not all “ bad” values of the group and forgo myself com[pletely. But, in reality, as physical beings in life expression, there is really only that which is best for all, as what is best for this physical world, as the expression of life, is what is best for me. Anything, any resistance is really a resistance to being myself as life in common sense of respect for the physical formation of and as life, the manifestation of  creation, the physical showing what works and what resists the expression of life, all of which moves and changes, and which, as this change, as this manifestation, can only happen here. It is only HERE that life can exist. It is only here, that direct seeing can exist. And here, words on paper, and more words on paper as laws that bind them, can create a world that lives in a past, a selective past, which is a limitation. Which means that a control in self interest fears change, and has taken an idea about itself, and made it more than life, wanting the world around it, to change in an order that allows it to remain the same. And the physical world is always in a state of movement, so such must limit the life moving around it.

So, either moving as myself here, or within a group, as in facing the social groups within this present system, the principle that directs must remain the same, which is to be self as life, which is to move as what is best for all, which is common sense. One can investigate, and the group can investigate, to ensure that what is in action, is what considers all life and does what is best for all. The present divisions each clusters into to survive, that each lies by omission to remain within, a form of ignorance, that change over time as the limitation accepted as the group belief system, eventually does change, because the limitation turns into a sense of loss and/or becomes aware of its own limitation, and a more is sought, self not realizing that it is self who has accepted the limitation, which has nothing to do with the group. So the group disperses, not wanting to admit that the choice to be in the group in the first place, had a starting point of limitation, having believed that the group would be a gain. And as such all constancy is lost, and one does not build an awareness that allows one to stand the same, today, tomorrow and yesterday, where one has the directive capacity to respect the life that is here.

A group is a gain, as in men working together, but the principle directing the group must be equal to the principle within self, which is to do what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for self, as self is a physical manifestation of and as life, the physical being the means of life.

I mean we see this in the practices of men all around the world, how the physical substance of this world is being used and divided without regard for consequences. Not only is the resources of and as the very physical means of the expression of life taken apart, divided and then marketed to create a demand based on an idea that is a truth about singular aspects of practical living, but also, the spoils of such is transferred onto paper and divided in unequal ways, and the waste is left for the ones who actually did the labor, and the means of access, as money, is upholding a group sustaining an idea of being more based on appearance of values, selective ones,  and the vocal means to tout them, having accumulated the wealth that is an illusionary value placed onto a piece of paper. It is like a collective amnesia has become what mankind is. And this amnesia, is self fearing to stand as what self is, as life, where what would disperse this amnesia, is a directive, as a principle, to do what is best for all.

So, I stand as the principle of what is best for all, as this is what is best for self, and as this is what can withstand the fickle nature of groups that give no stability because the motivation is based on beliefs, opinions and ideas, and as this is what can lead to stability within self, to see directly here, something that would bring a constancy instead of a con-tention, to see directly  and look for what supports this world, this physical manifestation of and as life, in ways that allow a participation that leaves no one behind, that leaves no waste, that has no one getting to a point where they become a belief that they have to contend with a group. Each has done this, and each knows it is a separation from self as life,here. It is time to put an end to this, and to stand as what is best for all, as this is what is best for self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I have to contend with a group, as a starting point.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see a group as separate from me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to give a group an ominous presence, as something that is composed of idea only, and not what is real, as the physical formation of and as life, as that inherent within the physical forms which is the nature of life, which is to do what is best for all, realizing that at present the imaginations of men have become more than what is real, which is the physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from a group, and standing within and as me as a belief that I must attend to the beliefs of the group, and forgo, forget myself as life, which is myself moving as mind as a starting point of belief instead of standing as all of me as myself as a physical being, the manifestation of and as the means of expression of life, which is the physical.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that within this belief as contending with a group, I have accepted and allowed myself to become an idea as mind, before equality and oneness with and as the physical here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the physical world is the means of the expression of and as life, and as such, this respect of the physical, must be realized and understood as the starting point of choices made as self, which when the choice of each, would transform this world in a very short period of time, to a world of discovery, support, transformation: transformation being the real value, one lived with common sense, the most fulfilling experience because it moves in consideration of all life, of all expression, with what is tangible, as imagination is just this, an image in and as mind, and not the full sensation of life, as the physical.

When and as I find myself believing I must contend with a group, or as this, a belief system, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I see realize and understand that I am existing as idea as mind, and I look to the beliefs done in comparison in self definition as beliefs, and I forgive such beliefs, and investigate to see what is best for all, which is to consider all things as me, and to choose that which is good and does no harm, and within this realizing that at present because of the separation into and as limited ideas as mind before life, that this is going to take come collective effort to balance out from a past composed of choices that were made in separation from equality and oneness to and as life, and yet, can transform in less time than the accumulation of separation took in time, as time is the illusion of separation, and the physical world is here, as it has always been.

When and as I find myself feeling contentious, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see realize and understand where I am reacting in self interest beLIEving I will lose a belief about myself- having accepted such as a self definition in separation from common sense, in and as wanting to prove, for example,  that I am worthy when the world is changing around me and I had remained in a past, or stop what I as belief find limiting and or unacceptable as my own generated energetic actions of blame and spite based on a cultural morality, or accepted definitions of gender, instead of as a directive capacity within the principle of equality and oneness, and or, join in to survive, I stop and I investigate within and without, to become a directive principle in and as what is best for all, and move as a solution  as that being what in practice builds step by step, what is of a common sense measure of awareness that is equal and one to and as the physical to see realize and understand that which respects the physical, which means in practice, taking that which is good and does no harm, here, as time is the illusion, and what is real can only be here, which many realize in their daily lives and as such, must be realized collectively and placed structurally as a system with all that is of this world.



Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Day 238 Reaction Dimension : Victim Character

Reaction Dimension : Victim Character

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to ignore the emotions and feelings that I accepted and allowed as valid, used to substantiate an emotional feeling body that was the signifier of my own self judgement in a self interested belief of what appeared as a more than or less than belief in fear of loss, which in themselves became habits/behavioral patterns of ignorance, separating myself from here, from stability, as breath, in common sense in and as life , here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to stand watching my friend participate within her new group and allowing myself to stand within a behavior of ignorance in and as believing myself to be a victim of rejection, not seeing realizing and understanding the existent survival MO of society, where limited values are accepted as proper presentation of self, instead of realizing the value is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have become a behavior of less than, as I compared myself to my friend with all her new friends surrounding here as meaning I was less than, as I stood alone, where I also compared the qualities made huge as how the new group dressed and accentuated feminine aspects as having more value than myself, where I allowed myself to believe myself to be a victim of betrayal, when in fact, had I looked at the structure of society as a whole - not using a morality taught through family, culture, society, I might have seen realized and understood that this friend was simply following the rules of survival, just as what I was falling back on within a self protection and defense value judgement to make myself feel good and more than in reaction to my less than reaction as loss, as being somehow unworthy, as in lacking something - I might have slowed myself down and realized that the actions of my friend were nothing to take personally as a value judgement of myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have stood there watching my ex-friend, spiting her for her actions as a behavior within and as myself, hiding my own sense of having no worth and then becoming angry which was myself becoming a behavior of protection and defense and taking actions to make myself a “ more than” my friend.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have physically within felt tiny and small and insignificant, to “sink” down within myself as though my chest were falling down to my knees, as though i had nothing to stand on, like tears of something cascading down through my chest, like I was becoming smaller and smaller, in shame, in embarrassment, believing there was nothing I could do, there was nothing i could say, believing i had been shut out from something with no means of recourse or reunion, actually allowing myself to feel unequal, where this is all that I allowed myself to be, when in fact I was standing there and instead of taking this all personally, looking at what was happening, within movement, as my friend was choosing a new set of values to deal with society, thus it was the movement - even though limited in some ways- of my friend in her own self interest desire to survive as what is presently valued and taught, just as I in reaction was limited within judgement, where I was in fact being ignorant of the value being equality and oneness, respecting the gift of myself as life, where as life, nothing can be lost, and thus the only recourse was to move myself as life as what is best for all, is best for self and not judge myself as less than, simply realize what I am as thought, emotion and feeling made huge as a morality falling from the grace of standing within breath realizing there is nothing to lose but myself as the directive principle as what is best for all is best for self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe I am a victim of society, where I cannot change the accepted and limited values and within this judge these values as more than and less than, instead of taking them back to myself and walking them in common sense as the directive and within this as a movement of myself within what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a behavior of spite and blame of limited value actions, blaming the values, which in essence is what I was doing, and then becoming a reaction, which in this case was rejecting the girly made huge aspect, and instead becoming involved in a fund raising group which was making one set of values bigger than another, as reaction, to prove myself more than as I lacked the physical feminine maturation happening within my friend, thus I moved towards supporting another group in another way and within this judging myself as more than, and the social actions of my friend as being less than, a division and judgement that did not consider that I was one and the same as my friend, creating personifications as a means of survival without looking at the totality of existence within the principle of what is best for all, seeing realizing and understanding how I was operating within my mind, as thoughts, emotions and feelings, where I was , as mind mapping out how one moved oneself within society as the hierarchy presented, itself limited and ignorant of the totality of life, as substance, as I allowed myself to become the behavior of more than and less than in judgement, ping-ponging between polarities in and as belief, opinion and idea, instead of standing equal and one within and as myself as life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to reject one set of values as more than another, using a groups limited characteristics made huge to validate what I judged as more than and/or less than, just as my friend was doing, and in the process rejecting parts of myself and the world around me, where within that past moment, as being less physically mature than my friend, I created a personification that being feminine was less than being humanitarian, which skipped over what i was as a person, into and as defined groups only, ignoring myself as a human, as a form in detail, as an expression, as the substance of life, and within this looking to the limitations as singular values only, thereby separating my world into parts of win and lose, gain and loss, essentially building a soap box to bellow from, or as some might say, a platform to politicize my “betterness” , instead of myself moving in common sense as what is best for all, seeing realizing and understanding the nature of the system, being a hierarchy of survival that limited through judgement of one aspect of life being more than another to prove to my self judgement as less in comparison of values and proving through invalidating with counteractions that I believed would prove myself a more than, which in turn limited the expression of life, as I was caught up in this limited drama, in self interest, ignoring the gift of expression as life, as the physical, enjoying the simple being here, equal and one to all existent.



I commit myself to breathing, to slowing myself down, to - with every in breath- realize, see and understand, the eddies of angst, the curach of thought, the fear of loss, the hopefor gain, the habitual responses , amongst others, of separation into and as parts as a survival suit within a system of inequality, as profit- for self within, and the world without- that I exist as, that limited equality and oneness with and as this physical world, to see, realize and understand that to accept this gift as life, I must realize oneness and equality with and as life here.

I commit myself to remaining here, in and as breath, slowing myself down to see, realize and understand that any and all judgements are my separations, that, in common sense, to believe one value is more than another is to limit self, and to build a society based on a selection of values, and then to force this onto life, is in essence ignoring life, and within this, I abdicate my ability to perceive life, as I am so busy projecting limited values, I actually push against life, creating a scenario where what i resist persists, as I am ignoring parts of myself, as life, that are what supports myself as life, creating conflict and friction, instability and confusion, fear and anxiety, tension and stress, pain and suffering, which describes the state of earth at the present moment, as the human has separated themselves from being equal and one, to and as this physical world.

I commit myself to realize that this being of myself as judgement of more than and less than, is a program in and as the mind, a tool of weighing and measuring, made huge - so to speak- that if allowed to lead myself here, is myself walking in judgement and thus separation from realizing equality and oneness as life, where, in another life, my friend is me, and me my friend, which is what happened because my friend became a nurse practitioner - lol - and I believe she never had children, and I ended up having children thereby utilizing my feminine human physical body, so this just goes to show that the reactions, are not in and as themselves good or bad, that the drama and separation within judgement is unnecessary, and instead of rejecting one another and creating separation, and judgement, supporting one another as life, experiencing ourselves as an expression in and as life, what potentials would have been lived and realized within support as the value being life, instead of a life of reactions?

I commit myself to slowing myself down and breathing, to walk through my separations into and as beliefs, of more than and less than, to see, realize and understand what i have resisted, to bring this back to self, in equality and oneness, to equalize myself with and as life here.




Enhanced by Zemanta